Television Shows Come To Us Out Of Ruts

I am of mind to think that the word “hit” is being abused by our Television Networks. Have you ever noticed that the Promos for the new shows often say something like...

Thursday at 9 central time, be sure to see the new hit comedy of the fall season.

That is not such a strange promo but the fact that the first episode is still 3 weeks away makes me wonder how they can legitimately call it is a “Hit”.
We also see the phenomenon repeated every year where a TV Show becomes a “hit” and immediately every network has one or two shows just like the original “hit show”.
When did this copy cat phenomenon actually begin? Did it start with Reality Shows? I am not sure if they were the catalyst but, since I mentioned them, I will expound on them in this Foolishness...Or Is It?

I Do Not Think That Reality Shows Are Reality

If you care to comment on this blog posting and tell me I am all wet about this, have at it but you will never get me to believe that that man crawling across the desert dying of thirst is dying of thirst. If he were really dying, one of those 7 cameramen filming his every crawled inch would surely give him a drink of water.
At present we have a rash of shows that start with the word “The”...

The View, The Chat, The Chew, The Five, The Talk, The Doctors, The Voice

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know that I have spies all over the world. My sources tell me that Pope Benedict XVI has decided to become the first Pope to resign without first having to die.
He is especially disillusioned because he goes to great effort to visit many different countries and prepares very inspiring speeches which he hopes will go a long way toward making the world we live in a better place. However, his messages are never reported in the news. The only things ever reported in the news are that he went on a trip and he kissed the ground when he got off his Pope Plane. His messages of hope and inspiration are World Wide Well Kept Secrets.
If you think about this for a minute, you will realize that this is not Foolishness.
There is one exception to this Papal Information Ban. If he gets shot, that will make the 24 Hour News Cycle.
He will be relocating to California. He is really excited and has already bought a Puka Shell Necklace and 3 pairs of White Flip Flops.
What’s he going to do in California, you ask? Don’t you see it coming? He is going to have a Daytime Television Talk Show. It’s going to be called...

The Pope

Would I kid u?

Spreading Discontent Whenever Possible

Our News Media is at it ... again.

Anyone who follows professional football is well aware of the gargantuan contract that Drew Brees has signed. He is now receiving $100,000,000 for 5 years. That may be chump change to members of our 16% Approval Rated Congress but to us folks back home on Main Street gathered around our kitchen tables balancing our meager budgets this is a lot of money.

I keep reading that this is the highest contract for a player in the history of the NFL. There is so much hype about how big it is that I figured it was far and away the biggest contract ever. However, I just read where Peyton Manning is making $96,000,000 with the Denver Broncos over 5 years.

This is the kind of red meat that a member of our National Hysteria Media is going to find hard to resist. I can just picture an interview with poor ole Peyton Manning as the interviewer probes for muck with questions such as these...

• Do you see Brees’ bigger contract as a personal insult?
• It has been reported by an anonymous source who went to elementary school with you who has not seen you in 27 years that deep down you feel that Brees got his larger contract because the Saint’s Ownership feels sorry for him because he has a birth mark on his face. Do you wish you had a birth mark on your face?
• Are your children ashamed of you and your failure to reach the absolute pinnacle of your chosen profession?
• Are your children made fun of at school?
• Is it true your wife is going through therapy because other grocery shoppers are reported to be openly laughing at her as she walks past them at her local Whole Foods?

If you think I have gone too far and you are having a hard time believing me on this one, you should know that you are required to believe all my Football Related Foolishness because on September 17, 1967 I had a one game job as a security guard for Pinkerton Detective Agency when the Saints played their first regular season game. (I was desperate. I did not have a ticket.)

If you can’t believe a former Pinkerton Security Guard, who can you believe?

Would I kid u?

Lagniappe: Regarding the 0 and 3 Saints...We’ll get ‘em next year because next year they will all be a year older and slower.

The Greatest Crime Today

Want to give Smartfella your opinion? Here is a multiple choice question for you to pick what you think is the Greatest Crime Today...

1. Murder

2. Sexual Molestation of Children

3. A Ponzi Scheme by an Evil Wall Street Awful Person

Charles Ponzi 1910 Mug Shot

Whichever one you picked from my list you named the wrong crime. The answer was not offered to you in any of these multiple choice selections. OK it was an unfair multiple choice. Sue me.

What is the true answer? Think about the Nightly News for a moment. It will surely to come to you. I can’t believe you are not seeing the obvious!

The Most Horrific Crime Today Is Offending Someone.

If you offend someone here is what is sure to happen...

• Jaws drop.
• All conversation stops. (Just like one of those old E. F. Hutton commercials.)
• If you do this dastardly deed in a room with 10 people in it, within moments, 3 of the 10 will have dialed 911 on their ever present smart phones and moments later a Swat Team will knock down the door.

OK, I exaggerated again... Or did I?

Would I kid u?

Lagniappe:

It is hard for me to broach a subject without recalling that I had been broaching around in this same area of Silliness before.

What goes hand in hand with Offending Someone? Now I know you are really sharp because you just said to yourself, “The Heartfelt Apology”!

Here are a couple of my Apology Musings in one single link from my past blogging. (Wow! I’ve come a long way. Now I’m into musings.)

Click Here: http://forii.blogspot.com/2011/06/two-postings-that-prove-i-am-ahead-of.html

Close But No Cigar

Since we are not allowed to smoke cigars anywhere else except inside a burlap bag in our backyards behind the compost heap, are we still allowed to say, “Close but No Cigar”?

OK, I understand that cigars are out and will not make a comeback unless and until Angelina Jolie starts puffing on cigars. Having accepted the fact that I am out of touch, sometimes I simply feel uneasy with the way us modern people do modern things like...

“You did your best. That’s all that matters. Here is a trophy.”

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Coming close is good in a horseshoe pitching contest. Too bad coming close does not seem to be very important when it comes to our Federal Government Expenditure Forecasting before they take action on our behalf.

Here is a very fine example of that which I speak. (In order to not upset those of you who are of the Liberal Persuasion or those of you who have Conservative Leanings, I will be cagey about this one and remove references to the actual bill I am talking about)...

Regarding something called the Jalapeno Intensity Disclosure Requirements

Is that cagey enough?

What has drawn my attention to this very important issue is the estimate of the Cost to Businesses that this Disclosure Requirements are going to generate.

Here is the latest cost estimate. I gathered this information from a major national newspaper...

The Securities and Exchange Commission sharply raised its estimate of the rule’s financial impact, saying it would cost companies a total of $3 billion (remember that’s 3 Thousand Million Dollars) to $4 billion (remember that’s 4 Thousand Million Dollars) upfront, plus more than $200 million (remember that’s 200 thousand thousand dollars) a year.

The SEC initially had said the cost of compliance would be just $71 million (I’m not sure it is legal to use the word “just” with $71 million).

The SEC said it revised its estimate based on comments from the business community and others.

I know the Smartfella is not as smart as any single member of our Congress but may I be so bold to say that maybe Congress should have gotten those comments from “the business community and others” before they passed this legislation?

Our Representatives who voted for this measure did so under the false pretenses of what it would cost to comply with the measure. The Actual Cost of Compliance is nowhere near the Extremely Unstated Estimated Cost. Should they not scrap the whole bill and vote over?

Let’s see if I can hit you closer to home...

You set up for Direct Draw on your checking account for your electricity bill. The Power Company sends you your monthly Email Notification telling you they are going to draw $86.89 for the latest month. A charge appears on your bank statement for $4,895.21 (That’s the same percentage increase as Congress missed this one by based on the $4 billion number).

You call up to question the charge and you are told, “We decided to take more”.

Would I kid u?

Lagniappe: I’m sorry this posting was so long and complicated. I could not help myself. There is a lot of Foolishness pent up inside me and inside our 16% Approval Rated Congress.

Undeniable Everyday Facts Of Life

Pills Have Eyes...

Ø If you drop a pill on the floor, it will roll under the most difficult object to retrieve it back from.

Ø Pills do have limitations because they cannot roll indefinitely but they will definitely roll directly to the hardest place to get them back from that is within their rolling radius.

Ø The more expensive the pill is the further it will roll under the hard to retrieve from place.

Men Are Different From Women...

Ø More men than women drop their smart phones in the toilet.

Ø Do you understand why that is?

Ø If you don’t, think about it for a second or two, it will come to you.

Sand Crawls...

Ø Everyone who has been to the beach for a picnic knows that sand crawls.

Ø What some of you may not fully realize is how quickly sand crawls.

Picture This In Your Mind’s Eye (Whatever that is)

You go out on the beach with your picnic basket full of wonderful picnic stuff...

Ø Of course, there are ham sandwiches in there.

Ø You set up your picnic very quickly because you are desperate to get those ham sandwiches before it is too late.

Ø You frantically spread out your blanket, open your lawn chair, sit down and grab a ham sandwich to take your first delicious bite.

Ø It does not take too many chews to realize that you did not act fast enough.

Ø There is sand inside your ham sandwich.

Crawling sand is why I have always preferred mountain vacations because bears never crawl inside ham sandwiches.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Our Congress Has No Guts

If I had the inclination, I could do a lot of research to conclusively prove the title of this posting. I don’t have that inclination but I will pass on to you, my dear readers, One Fine Example.

Jerusalem is in the news all the time but recently it is more newsworthy because of the controversy about whether or not Jerusalem is the Capital of Israel.

Back in 1995 our courageous Congress stepped into the fray and took a position that is much to be admired...Or did it?

Here is what I just stumbled across (otherwise known as research)...

In 1995 a measure was passed by Congress which stated that the United States Embassy in Israel must be moved to Jerusalem, because Jerusalem is the Capital of Israel...

Did you take note of the underlined word “must”? That takes guts. That is a firm position, if ever there was one.

Oops, the late Paul Harvey just walked up behind me and said I must tell you, The Rest of the Story. I always do what Mr. Harvey tells me because he travels such a long way to be with me. I will repeat the above bolded words with The Rest of the Story added on...

In 1995 a measure was passed by Congress which stated that the United States Embassy in Israel must be moved to Jerusalem, because Jerusalem is the Capital of Israel...but allowed Presidents to waive this requirement.

There you have it. One Fine Example of how our Congress takes “firm positions”.

Next time you see one of these Foghorns standing in Congress lamenting the fact that the current president (whichever current one is currently current) is demanding too much power, remember my One Fine Example

Would I kid u?

Celebrity Brains (Including Royal Brains) Are Not Real Bright

Smart...

If Celebrities want nude picture of themselves on Internet, they are pretty smart because they know everyone around them has a Phone with Photo and Movie Making Capability in their pockets and their nudity is going to go viral (whatever that means).

Not Smart...

If Celebrities do not want nude picture of themselves on Internet, they are pretty dumb because they should know everyone around them has a Phone with Photo and Movie Making Capability in their pockets and their nudity is going to go viral (whatever that means).

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While the third in line to the throne of England may be a prince of a guy, he must fall into the Not Smart Category listed above.

I have not seen or heard of any reaction from the prince himself to his royal unclothedness flying all over the World Wide Web but, if he is surprised, he should not be.

What was he thinking? Better said, was he thinking? Do these people say to themselves such things as...

“Self, I’m going to walk into that bank in broad daylight with my bus driver’s uniform on which has my name badge on my breast pocket and take all the money that is in that bank. Then I’m going to make my getaway in my purple SUV with my name written all over it (from the last time I ran for Congress). I’m going to be rich because no one is going to tell the police it was me that stole all that money.”

At this point in this bit of foolishness I find myself wishing Forest Gump had never been invented. If he had not beaten me to it, I could coin the nifty and absolutely true phrase, “Stupid Is As Stupid Does”.

Would I kid u?

I Do My Best To Help Each And Every One Of You But Some Of You Are Simply Too Stubborn For Your Own Good

To begin this bit of silliness, I am reposting the warning blog I published on April 8, 2009 & September 4, 2012 & now on January 30, 2025 (updated at the very bottom) ...

Crazed Killer, Assassin, Rapist and/or Terrible Person

Posted by SmartFella? on Wednesday, April 08, 2009 3:08:56 PM

Should you be worried?

Earlier this year a man killed five people and himself in a University Lecture Hall.

A friend of the perpetrator was interviewed and said that the person she knew (the perpetrator) was not the one who went into that lecture hall and did that terrible thing. To quote her, "He was anything but a monster. He was probably the … nicest, (most) caring person ever."

It seems like every time a person goes out and commits a terrible crime, our news media interviews a next-door neighbor, a friend or a family member to find out that the Crazed Killer, Assassin, Rapist and/or Terrible Person was, "Really A Nice Guy".

Because I care about each and every one of you reading this Foolishness, I am admonishing each and every one of you as follows…

If You Live Next-Door to a Really Nice Guy, You Better Move Away from Where You Live Before It Is Too Late.

If you choose to not listen to me, you do so at your own peril.

Would I kid u?

------------------------

There you have it. This was my attempt to save you. When evil befalls you, I am not going to take any pleasure in saying I told you so but I am going to say I told you so.

It has happened again. The Batman Movie Killer (James Holmes) has killed or wounded more than 70 people and the Good Guy Finding People have gathered up their Good Guy Stories.

As a public service the Smartfella has compiled a large sampling of what they gathered so you will not have to go to all that trouble yourselves. I did not make any of this up. The only modification I made was to remove names...

• A next neighbor for over ten years said... Quiet Guy ... Very Nice ... Washed the Family Car Often ... Typical American Boy ... At Christmas One Year Served Cookies To Children ... Bottom Line He Was A Good Guy.
• One of Holmes’s former tutors, who worked with him on a gene therapy project, said... Exceptional Student ... Coped Easily with Complicated Science ... Impressive Grasp Of Complex Methodology ... Impressive Compared To Other Undergraduates.
• Another fan said... Smart Guy ...Quick Learner ... Exhibited No Signs of a Troubled Mind ... Had Great Time Working with Him ... Nice ... Easy Going ... Liked to Share His Opinions with Others.
• Another admirer who was a fellow student at University of California said... Brilliant Student ... Academically Top Of The Top ... Distinguished Himself Academically ... Graduated With Highest Honors.
• Many at University of Colorado said... Shy ... Witty.
• A high school friend said... The Funniest ... Smartest Guy ... Always Had Something Witty To Say ... Did Not Understand How Could Be Same Guy ... Shy ... Little Quiet ... Never Aggressive ... Never Mean .... Really Good Grades ... Seemed Pretty Normal.

I don’t know about you, my dear readers, but these testimonials have convinced me that we ought to all join together and arrange a jail break for this Intelligent Saint and tell the current candidates for President to ForgetAboutIt.

We have found the perfect candidate and his name is not Obama or Romney. His is a Sure Fire Winner. He will make a Great President, even though he is a little shy.

Oh yea, don’t forget to move.

Would I kid u?

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The New Orleans Burbon Street Terrorist...

A neighbor of his expressed disbelief upon learning Shamsud-Din Jabbar was accused of the Bourbon Street bloodshed. "Blow my mind, I was shocked, somebody seized the carpet under my feet, I was just like too shocked, unbelievable, This really happened?" the man said. "Like I said, we still don't believe, we still don't believe that that's the person, just there's no way, it can't be like that."

And last but not least...

It was reported in newspapers that Jabbar was known "as a smart, caring brother and a quiet, helpful neighbor." 

Are you packing yet?

I Know What I Am Talking About!

If I were so inclined I could harangue you to the precipice of boredom telling you about how right I have been in the past about a whole bunch of different subjects. I could but I won’t because I know that most of you are getting ready for Football Season.

What those of you who are not getting ready for football season are going to do with yourselves between now and next January I don’t know. What I do know is I feel sorry for the emptiness each of you will experience for five months.

Past Brilliance...

On October 10, 2011 I posted a blog that explained how we are moving further and further ahead with our Presidential Primary Season and, by the time the 2048 Primaries come around, we will be holding them before the 2044 Presidential Election actually takes place.

(If you are not tired of me when you finish reading this Foolishness, you can click on the link at the bottom and read my 2011 Future Forecasting Posting.)

Current Proof of My Past Brilliance...

We are at it again! I just read an article in the Wall Street Journal (September 1, 2012) which discusses the Potential Nominees in both major parties who are the strongest contenders for the 2016 Election.

I am pretty up to date about such things because, I am sorry to say, I follow political happenings more than I like to admit. I have never heard of several of the discussed Potential Nominees. I guess that’s about right because they have not been invented yet.

Would I kid u?

Click Here: http://forii.blogspot.com/2011/10/based-on-recent-past-this-is-absolute.html

Modern Communication Is So Wonderful! ... Or is it?

We live in a wonderful age. We are able to find out everything about anything in no time at all because we can Google It!

My newspaper just told me that there is a revolutionary new Sleep Aid now available that is going to bring blessed relief to millions (that’s thousands of thousands) of us who are suffering from Sleep Deprivation.

Are you chomping at the bit to find out what I am talking about?...

Sleeping With a Small Blue Light on Will Aid Us in Getting To Sleep Faster and Allow Us to Enjoy Many Hours of Blessed Relaxing Healthful Deep Sleep

Because of modern information gathering techniques we can find out well researched definitive information about new fanged stuff quickly. We then know the course of action we should follow ... Or do we?

• Google says that some say the Blue Light Technique is a new and increasingly popular bedtime sleep aid that will sooth and relax you into falling asleep fast and stay asleep longer. The light works on the principle of “paradoxical intention”. This means the more you try to stay awake, the sleepier you get.
• Google says that others say the Blue Light Technique triggers the body’s clock into thinking it is morning. Exposure to blue light will actually keep you awake.

In our Google Instant Information World we know the precise path to travel ... Or do we?

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Maybe it was better before we had Google. Ah yes, let’s go back to Ye Ole Colonial Communication Days. Back then our Founding Fathers had not yet started to roll around in their graves and information just did not get out ... Or did it?

Before Thomas Jefferson was elected, Ye Ole Colonial Communications told the Folks Back Home that Jefferson was going to confiscate all bibles in the country and burn them.

I just felt your initial reaction to the above colonial word on the street about Jefferson. You just said, “No one would believe that and, if they would believe it, they never would have found out about it because that was BG (Before Google)”.

Not so fast. It appears Ye Ole Newspaper and Ye Ole Word of Mouth worked pretty well. After Jefferson was elected many of the Folks Back Home went to great lengths or hide their bibles (like putting them on a rope and hanging them down their wells) for fear that Federal Troops were coming to gather up their bibles for public burning.

I wonder how they kept their bibles from getting rain soaked while hanging in their wells because Ye Ole Colonial Communications was BZ (Before Zip Lock Bags).

Would I kid u?

We All Have Rights ... Ain’t It Awful

My newspaper tells me there is a California Statute which penalizes those who drive recklessly in pursuit of commercial photos. The “those” referred to in this statute are the Paparazzi.

That statute is being challenged by a Paparazzo who is being charged under the statute for pursuing Justin Bieber (whoever that is).

I am herby stating by way of this Foolishness...Or Is It? that my constitutional rights are being violated. Why do the Paparazzi think that only they have a right to drive recklessly? Why am I liable for prosecution if I drive recklessly but they contend that they should be allowed to drive recklessly if they are in pursuit of a Bieber or others of his ilk (I just love the word “ilk”).

Don’t come at me for being out of touch with reality. I do know who Justin Bieber is. I just don’t understand the frenzy that he and his ilk sends frenzy-prone people into just because he has written so many brilliant articles about Nuclear Physics or some such thing (I just love the word “ilk”).

Would I kid u?

Call Him By His First Name

You know Mitt Romney’s ancestors spent lots of time in Mexico. In Spanish heritage countries they have very long names. It is not uncommon to see someone named, Don Miguel Francisco Gonzales Dejesus Fernandez.

It has now become obvious that Mitt Romney has more names than “Mitt” and “Romney”. Ever since the Republican Primary Season has ended I hardly ever hear him called simply “Mitt Romney”. He is now...

Presumptive Nominee Mitt Romney

I wonder if he gets elected president...

• Will he then be called by his first name, “President Presumptive”?
• Will his critics write such things as, “President Presumptive has Perched this country on the Precipice of a Perilous Pitfall”.
• When it gets hot and heavy in cabinet meetings will cabinet members say something like, “Ahhh come on, Presumptive, you gotta be reasonable about this here budgetary crisis!”

Would I kid u?

I Not Saying You Should Go Out And Kill 77 People

I not saying you should go out and kill 77 people but, if you are hankering for lifelong security and comfort, you might want to consider it.

Remember that guy in Norway, Anders Behring Breivik, who last year killed 77 people in a bomb and gun rampage? He is getting what’s coming to him...Or is he?

Those Norwegian Type People have not quite finished with Breivik but they are getting close...

• Door Number 1... If declared insane, the confessed killer will be the sole patient of a psychiatric ward that Norway built just for him, with 17 people on staff to treat him.
• Door Number 2... If found mentally fit, he will remain isolated, for now, in the high-security prison where he uses three 86-square-foot cells: a bedroom, an exercise room and a study.
• Door Number 3... Officials at Oslo’s Ila Prison say they would eventually like to transfer Breivik into a section of the prison with other prisoners. All these prisoners have access to a school that teaches from primary grades through university-level courses, a library, a gym, work in the prison's various shops and other leisure activities.

Not too bad for such a bad guy.

I wonder if he has to tidy up his abodes himself or does he have maid service?

Would I kid u?

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This Foolishness...Or Is It? was ready for posting yesterday but today those Norwegian Type People have come to a final determination regarding which door(s) their bad guy will be allowed to walk through...

Breivik Has Been Declared Sane

This means he will be sashaying through Door #2 and eventually through Door #3.

Now he can take advantage of those university level courses that he will have access to and, by the time he is released, (aren’t they all released eventually?) he will have his law degree. Then he can devote the rest of his life to the betterment of all God’s children.

Now my concern shifts to the 17 people who were hired to treat him in the psychiatric ward that was built for him. Are these people now going to be unemployed? This does not seem right. What did they do wrong?

Someone ought to put together a fund to collect donations for them and their children.

I would normally be more than glad to spearhead such a worthy effort but I’m going to very busy for the near future because football season is about to start.

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

I’ve Got The Exact Right Words Inside My Computer & I’m Going To Let Them Out

In the Great State of Georgia we have a problem with Lobbyists. The problem with Lobbyists is that the Lobbyists have no problem in their unending efforts to get the State of Georgia Legislators to do their bidding...

• In The Peach State there is a concern that Lobbyists are “Influencing” our Legislators.
• “Influencing” was once called “bribing”.
• The crux of the problem just might be centered around the fact that there is no limit on how much our Lobbyists can spend on our Legislators.

I know I call myself The Smartfella but I am smart enough to know that some might take issue with how smart I really am. However, I am smart enough to know that unlimited spending on Legislators will very likely lead to our Honorable Legislators becoming not so Honorable.
I am comforted to see that the Republican House Speaker has sprung into action. He is taking the bull by the horns. He is going to nip this one in the bud. He is going to stop the buck.
The Speaker plans to create a Study Group when the General Assembly reconvenes in January of 2013 to examine how other states handle Banning Gifts by Lobbyists.
Here comes the sarcasm...

• We are told there is a need for a Study Group.
• We are told there is a need to examine how other states handle this thorny issue.
• I wonder if this will entail trips to other states.
• I wonder if one of these other states will be Hawaii.

I have a plan of action that would save all this studying and traveling...

• Buy a Laptop Computer.
• Place the new Laptop Computer on the Speaker’s Desk in front of the Speaker.
• Instruct the Speaker to peck out the following words for a new law that he will propose in the legislature...

“It is against the law in the State of Georgia for any Legislator to take anything from any Lobbyist.”

That oughta do it. This issue does not seem to be that thorny an issue to a Smartfella.

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There are several reasons why my Piece-Of-Cake Simple Common Sense Legislative Wording (above) will never become law in Georgia.
Here is what is going to happen to my nineteen words of Piece-Of-Cake Simple Common Sense Legislative Wording...

• An objection will be raised with regard to the number of words in the bill because it is 57,783 words shorter than the Required Minimum Wording for any proposed legislation.
• There will be much consternation about the fact that the wording of the bill is able to be completely understood. A long-time member of the state Senate is sure to say, “If we allow this bill to be passed into law, we will set a dangerous precedent. The voters could very well come to expect all bills we pass in the future to be clear and understandable.”
• This will be heard coming from a distressed house member, “Mr. Speaker, I ask you where in this bill’s wording are the words we have come to know and love?...
  *The first of many examples of how Wording Challenged this bill is is I see no use of the word “whereas”. “Whereas” is one of my personal favorites.
  *We have all come to know and love “aforementioned”. There is not a single “aforementioned” in here.
  *Where is the much beloved use of the word “reasonable”? It makes a tear come to my eye when I think of the many hours we have spent in this hallowed chamber arguing about how much is reasonably “reasonable”... Reasonable Expenditure, Reasonable Expense Reimbursement, Reasonable Payments, etc. These are the types of legislative debates that have made the folks back home look upon this Legislative Body in awe. To be perfectly honest with you, Mr. Speaker, without the numerous arguments we have entered into over the meaning of “reasonable” we would probably have signed into Happy Hour many days at 2:30pm. Golly gee, we could all be alcoholics by now!”

If they were all drunkards, we Folks Back Home, just might have lost all respect for them... Or would we?... Or have we?”
Would I kid u?

We Put Another Skateboard on Mars. Was That Really Necessary?

I read where it costs 2.5 Billion Dollars (that’s Two and a Half Thousand Million Dollars) to put our latest Rover on Mars.

After it landed, it took pictures and sent those pictures back to Pasadena, CA.

Our scientists looked at the pictures and some were quoted as saying, “Looks a lot like Arizona”.

I don’t mean to be picky but I do mean to be Foolish. My silly mind says to itself, "Itself, if they wanted to see what Arizona looked like, they could have bought a Winnebago, driven it over to Arizona, parked it out in the desert, opened up the windows and taken all the pictures they wanted for a lot less than Two and a Half Thousand Million Dollars".

Many times in the past, I have been accused of not seeing the big picture. This just might be one of those times.

Would I kid u?

Before We Forget To Remember

The British did just fine. Do you remember the Pre-Olympic criticism about all the bad things that were going to happen? The Critics were all wet about the colossal failure the British were about to stumble through. This is just the latest instance of “Know It Alls” not knowing much.

The Olympics are over but they will come again. Let’s start planning now for the next incarnation four years from now. As good as it was in London there are things that can be improved upon...

• Bouquets of Flowers are given to all medal winners at the Medal Awards Ceremony. This is fine for the ladies but they also give the male winners Bouquets of Flowers. Why do they give the male winners Bouquets of Flowers? It seems perfectly obvious to me that male winners ought to be given Bouquets of Cigars.
• Get rid of Female Boxing. Did I just hear some of you ask, Why? I’ll give you the only answer there need be given, Just Because!
• Limit Touches among teammates in every set of a volleyball match to 327. The List of Touches below was obtained from several news articles I read while doing my research for this Foolishness...Or Is It?
  *High Fives
  *Double High Fives
  *Low Fives
  *Double Low Fives
  *Belly Taps
  *Back Taps
  *Back Pats
  *Butt Pats
  *Kisses
  *Fist Bumps
  *Chest Bumps
  *Full Hugs
  *Bro Hugs (One arm variation of full hugs.)
  *Group Hugs
  *Grabbing Heads
  *Long Embraces
  *Bum Taps (I Googled “bum tap” & could not find a definition. If you Google it & find out what it means, don’t bother educating me about what it actually is. I’m already know enough about things I don’t need to know.)

Here is where many of you will think I am making things up again. In doing my extensive research for this Foolishness...Or Is It? I came across the existence of an organization called the Touch Research Institute. In order to cut short your snide remarks about my making this institute up, go to http://www6.miami.edu/touch-research/Research.html.

There is one new event that I would like to see added to the Olympics of the future...Individual Synergized Swimming. Can’t you just picture the exacting precision as an alternating hand or a foot emerges from the water in perfect synchronization with itself? It would be an attention grabber for sure!

Finally, I wish members of our 10% Approval Rated Congress had not watched the Olympics. Everywhere they look they see new ways to spend more money. This Olympics is no exception.

An Anonymous Source (who once before reported something that turned out to be true) told me that within days a new bill will be introduced in Congress to spend 2.6 Billion Dollars (otherwise known as 2.6 Thousand Million Dollars) to teach Americans How to Shake Hands.

I can hear some member of Congress coming to the defense of this expenditure by standing up in the Well of The Senate and saying...

2.6 ain’t that much. Land O Goshen that’s less than 3 and everyone knows that 3 ain’t much either.

Would I kid u?

Attack The Attacker

The person who rises up to throw dirt or throw truth at a candidate is counter attacked by those who don’t want dirt thrown at their candidate or truth told about the opposing candidate.

Computers allow the dirt/truth thrower’s past to be researched and the counterattack is quick, heavy and very penetrating...

• The 68 year old whistleblower is immediately confronted by breathless reporters wanting to discuss that out of wedlock child he fathered when he was a freshman in college.
• The absolutely perfect citizen has his reputation ruined by reports from an anonymous source about what a rotten person he would be if he were not so perfect.
• The seemingly bullet proof successful businessman finds himself surprised by the evening news broadcast telling the world about the mistress he has stashed in a private bank account in Switzerland.

If ever you feel the urge to shake the tree of life, think very carefully before you do. You just might fall out of that tree.

Would I kid u?

Romney’s Surefire Ticket To The Presidency

I don’t normally like to make a posting two days in a row but this one is too important to be delayed even one day.

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The biggest thing going right now for the Mitt Romney and the Republicans is the uncertainty about who will be the Vice Presidential Nominee. It is very important that they milk this attention getting hysteria as long as possible. This could very well be the key to Victory in November.

As usual I am ready to propose a perfectly logical roadmap to victory for Romney. Once I lay out the strategy you are going to kick yourself for not seeing it without my assistance. It’s times like this when you, my dear readers, appreciate the Smartfella the most. When my heart attacks me, you are going to feel very alone and you will have to Fend For Yourself (whatever that means)...

• Romney ought to milk this curiosity about who will be his running mate all the way to and beyond the convention.
• Amid the largest balloon drop in the history of any convention he ought to stand at the podium and make his introduction of his running mate with his hands outstretched to the heavens.
• As the balloons are all but obscuring his face and his hands the band will be playing God Bless America.
• His VP Nominee ought to then walk out with a Paper Bag Over His Head.
• The Bag should remain in place all through the campaign and should be dramatically removed at the swearing-in ceremony on January 20, 2013.
• Imagine that mystery, excitement, speculation that is sure to envelope the campaign!
• This could get to the point where the media will be calling this historic election The Romney and the Bag Headed Guy vs. What’s His Name and the Other Guy Campaign of 2012.

If Romney heeds my sage advice, this could end up being the most exciting campaign in history.

I also think that, if he chose Chris Christie as his Bag Headed Running Mate, it would not slow down the News Media’s Frenzy. They love mystery. They love speculation. They love uncertainty. They will keep this frenzy going for sure.

I can just hear the Frenzy Frenzying on the nightly news day after day with reporting such as this...

Because of the enormous bulk of the Bag Headed Running Mate there are some who say it might be Chris Christie.

Exclusive to this station we have information from an anonymous source, who might actually know something, who has reported that the body bulk is the result of a Fat Man Suit like they wear in the movies and inside the fat suit is Spike Lee.

There is also a report from another anonymous source, who does not know anything either, that the Romney Campaign is desperate to keep the information about the manufacturer of the Fat Man Suit secret because that manufacturer is located in China.

If this Chinese Connection were confirmed, Romney’s masterful strategy could backfire and his whole bid for the Presidency just might go up in flames.

We certainly live in exciting times!

As I think more about the background music at the convention, maybe Romney ought not use God Bless America in order to not offend the Madalyn Murray O’Hair Faction of the Republican Party.

Just to be on the safe side he could choose from any number of John Phillip Souza’s generic marches. Then the Folks Back Home could fall in step and march right up the steps of The White House with he and Spike (if he really is in that suit).

Would I kid u?

You Going To Be Sorry When All The Commercials Are Gone

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”.

If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

There is a Federal Law which stipulates that after any commercial is shown 72 times it cannot be shown again.

No matter how wonderful, annoying or informative a particular commercial is the law very sternly mandates it must be cast onto the Scrapheap of History after the magic number of 72 Showing is reached.

If you are relying on the newspapers for your Olympic News, you might have the mistaken impression that your fellow Americans spent the prior night watching a ton of sporty happenings on their TVs.

To be more precise I should have pecked out above, “spent the prior night and day watching”. Instead of diligently making their widgets it has been reported that too many American workers are watching the Olympics while at work.

You know what’s next, don’t you. There is going to be a nationwide Widget Shortage and we are all going to suffer those repercussions for a long time to come.

Getting back to the silly paragraph above the above prior two foolish paragraphs...

Commercials are reigning supreme. The advertisers just love the Olympics because so many of the sporty events are so short in duration they can quickly cut away for more commercials. They are covering us up with commercials and that 72 Maximum Showings Number is fast approaching for many of them.

In Volleyball the commercials are usually so long that we get back to the volleying after having missed two points.

I just looked up from where I am pecking out this bit of Foolishness to see a foot race where they cut away to the commercial just before the race had finished. I must be mistaken...Or am I?

Remember the Subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It? ... You Going To Be Sorry When All The Commercials Are Gone?

Do you get my drift? Not only are we about to run out of Widgets but we are going to run out of Commercials because of the 72 Times Shown and No More Federal Law. It’s going to be awful!

I’ve changed my mind. It’s not going to be awful. Actually a shortage of commercials is the Good News. The Bad News is they are going to make more.

Would I kid u?

Everyone Is Entitled To His Own Stupid Opinion ... Or Is He?

Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. In the Good Ole USofA we just have too much communication. We can express our opinions in a myriad of ways and we do just that constantly. We are chomping at the bit to let the world know how smart (or dumb) we are.

The Smartfella? is here to give you some food for thought... It is very possible the world might be able to get along just fine without your input.

Here is a current example...

Gabby Douglas is rolling along and singing a song. Who would be dumb enough to rain on her parade? A lot of people are sending rain her way. They seem to think, I Got An Obligation To See To It That The Uninformed Become Informed Society.

She is being Twitted about, Facebooked about and Blogged about. Here is one of the worst...

She also is dealing with some of fame’s downside. Her straightened hair has triggered debates on Twitter and other social-media sites, with some women criticizing the style and others calling it unkempt. But the tiff doesn’t seem to bother Douglas.

“What is wrong with my hair? Are you kidding me? I just made history, and you are focusing on my hair?” she said. “Nothing is going to change. I am going to wear my hair like this for bar finals. You might as well get used to it.”

Here comes the Foolishness ... Or is it?...

• Oh my gosh! I can’t believe what I just saw! That guy just broke the World Record in the Pole Vault by 7.5 feet! While I admire his accomplishment, I could not help but notice how he held the pole with his right hand. Did you see how his pinkie finger was extended as if he thought he was better than other pole vaulters who, try as they might, can’t come close to his ability?
• By golly that was amazing! I just witnessed the impossible! That sprinter just ran the 100 Meter Dash in 2.76 seconds. You will never see that done again but did you notice those gaudy shorts she was wearing? I thank heaven that not a single Hollywood Celebrity would ever wear shorts that abhorrent.
• Shazam! That Rower just won the 2,000 Meters Singles Competition by rowing in circles the entire race while all of his opponents rowed in a straight line. That is one for the books but, I must point out that, he rowed counter-clockwise. As any high school physics student knows, that is a lot easier than clockwise since we are in the Earth’s Northern Hemisphere.

Back to Gabby getting back at to her critics... As Howard Cosell was known to say, “You go girl. Tell it like it is!” or, as a well known radio Talk Show Host of today has often said on his show, “Shut up you big dope!”

Would I kid u?

More: Don’t comment to this message by pointing out that this clockwise vs. counter-clockwise law is not always the law... http://www.loc.gov/rr/scitech/mysteries/coriolis.html. I already found this out on my own but I’m sticking to my silliness as pecked out above because I have a right to write about Foolishness wherever I find it.