Romney’s Surefire Ticket To The Presidency

I don’t normally like to make a posting two days in a row but this one is too important to be delayed even one day.

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The biggest thing going right now for the Mitt Romney and the Republicans is the uncertainty about who will be the Vice Presidential Nominee. It is very important that they milk this attention getting hysteria as long as possible. This could very well be the key to Victory in November.

As usual I am ready to propose a perfectly logical roadmap to victory for Romney. Once I lay out the strategy you are going to kick yourself for not seeing it without my assistance. It’s times like this when you, my dear readers, appreciate the Smartfella the most. When my heart attacks me, you are going to feel very alone and you will have to Fend For Yourself (whatever that means)...

• Romney ought to milk this curiosity about who will be his running mate all the way to and beyond the convention.
• Amid the largest balloon drop in the history of any convention he ought to stand at the podium and make his introduction of his running mate with his hands outstretched to the heavens.
• As the balloons are all but obscuring his face and his hands the band will be playing God Bless America.
• His VP Nominee ought to then walk out with a Paper Bag Over His Head.
• The Bag should remain in place all through the campaign and should be dramatically removed at the swearing-in ceremony on January 20, 2013.
• Imagine that mystery, excitement, speculation that is sure to envelope the campaign!
• This could get to the point where the media will be calling this historic election The Romney and the Bag Headed Guy vs. What’s His Name and the Other Guy Campaign of 2012.

If Romney heeds my sage advice, this could end up being the most exciting campaign in history.

I also think that, if he chose Chris Christie as his Bag Headed Running Mate, it would not slow down the News Media’s Frenzy. They love mystery. They love speculation. They love uncertainty. They will keep this frenzy going for sure.

I can just hear the Frenzy Frenzying on the nightly news day after day with reporting such as this...

Because of the enormous bulk of the Bag Headed Running Mate there are some who say it might be Chris Christie.

Exclusive to this station we have information from an anonymous source, who might actually know something, who has reported that the body bulk is the result of a Fat Man Suit like they wear in the movies and inside the fat suit is Spike Lee.

There is also a report from another anonymous source, who does not know anything either, that the Romney Campaign is desperate to keep the information about the manufacturer of the Fat Man Suit secret because that manufacturer is located in China.

If this Chinese Connection were confirmed, Romney’s masterful strategy could backfire and his whole bid for the Presidency just might go up in flames.

We certainly live in exciting times!

As I think more about the background music at the convention, maybe Romney ought not use God Bless America in order to not offend the Madalyn Murray O’Hair Faction of the Republican Party.

Just to be on the safe side he could choose from any number of John Phillip Souza’s generic marches. Then the Folks Back Home could fall in step and march right up the steps of The White House with he and Spike (if he really is in that suit).

Would I kid u?