The headline to another one of my newspaper’s Must Read Articles is...
Smartphones May Be To Blame for Big Spike in Pedestrian Deaths
As we used to say in
Grammar School, “No Chit Sherlock”. The
predicament our Walking People find
themselves in is part of an Evolutionary
Process...
Ø
The car
was invented.
Ø
In the
beginning, drivers of cars in the Good Ole USofA stared intensively at the road
in front of them with both hands on the wheel.
Ø
Crosswalks
were invented and the Walking People
used them to cross streets.
Ø
When a Two Hands on the Wheel Driver approached
a Walking Person walking outside of
a crosswalk, they either put on their brakes and/or swerved around the Jaywalking Person.
Ø
The Two Hands on the Wheel Drivers who were most concerned for
the Jaywalking Person’s well-being blew their horn as they put on the brakes and/or
swerved around the Jaywalking Person.
Ø The use of the horn was appreciated by the Jaywalker and made him say to himself, “Self, that was a stupid thing to do. Next time I am going to use the crosswalk when I cross a street. I sure thank that kind driver with his two hands on the wheel for using his brakes and/or swerving around me while blowing his horn.”
All was well in the
Good Ole USofA.
------------------------
The first sign that
this Driving/Walking Bliss was
coming to an end was when someone invented The
Finger. As if on cue, drivers and walkers
started giving each other The
Finger and our world was never that same
again.
------------------------
As if the invention of
The Finger was not bad enough, other
inventors got into the act...
Ø
The
Colonel invented his Finger Licking Good
Chicken Bucket and drivers started eating, driving, fingering and licking
their fingers as they drove.
Ø
Then the Cup Holder was invented. No one foresaw that the holder could also accommodate
a bottle of beer. Once this error was uncovered, concern for the error was set
aside because no one thought that anyone would be stupid enough to drive while
drinking beer...Or would they?
Ø
Then the Little White Dog was invented and these
cute little fellas started jumping all over the finger licking finger giving driver’s lap causing him to spill his beer as
he tried to swerve around the Jaywalkers.
Ø This caused the Former Two Hands on the Wheel Drivers to shout cuss words out of the car window (cuss words had been invented long ago) and throw his Buggy Whip at the Jaywalking Person (he no longer needed his Buggy Whip anyway).
While all of this consternation was swirling around in the Hand Basket of the Good Ole USofA, Steve Jobs was invented and he invented the Smartphone.
That, my dear readers, was The Tipping Point, the Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back, the Point Of No Return and/or All She Wrote.
Now we find ourselves reading Must Read Articles in our newspapers about increasing pedestrian deaths and asking, “How Did We Get Here?”
Is it not obvious?
It is to me.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: Yes, I heard you ask yourself, “Self, where does the term ‘Jaywalking’ come from?” (Yes, I am always listening.)
Jaywalking comes from the fact that “Jay” used to be a generic term for someone who was an idiot, dull, rube, unsophisticated, poor, or simpleton.
More precisely, it was once a common term for “country bumpkins” or “hicks”, usually seen as inherently stupid by “city” folk.
In
Politically Correct America they are now called, “Mentally Challenged Walkers”.
