Mr. Anonymous Now Has the Rule of Law On His Side

Back in April I published a Foolishness...Or Is It? about that guy Anonymous. I have cut and pasted the link to that piece at the end of this posting. You might want to go back and read it all over again because I have been told by thousands of you that reading my past foolishness over and over is a delightful way to while away the hours. (OK, maybe I have not been told the prior statement by anyone. However, in the mode of darn near any member of our present Congress ... If I had been told what I just said I was told, then I would have been told what I was not told.)

Back to Subject of this posting about why Mr. Anonymous now has the Rule of Law on his side...
In today's Atlanta Journal-Constitution on page A4 in the very left column at the very bottom there is the following wording "...said a spokesman for Brazil's civil aviation authority, who spoke on condition of anonymity in keeping with policy". (I added the bold lettering.)

There you have it. The Mr. Anonymoui of the future are a protected class. They are part of our national fabric. Don't you feel better? I know I do.

Would I kid u?

The link to the original Mr. Anonymous piece is below...
http://forii.blogtownhall.com/2009/04/24/anonymous%e2%80%a6without_this_guy_we_would_not_know_anything.thtml

Am I That Smart?

Recently I read that people purported to be a lot smarter that the Smartfella? came out with some very startling news about evolution.

I say startling because they really seemed to be excited about their “discovery”.

I say “discovery” because that’s what they called it and they are a lot smarter than I am … Or are they?

This is what had them all in a tizzy (whatever that is)…

Monkey Primates of today and the Human Primates of today

evolved on two different evolutionary paths.

These are the times when I really begin to believe that I know what I am talking about. It seems pretty elementary to me…
• Today there are Humans.
• Today there are Monkeys.

Does not that seem like the end of the argument? Should it even be called an “argument”? What is there to argue about? If there were not two separate and distinct evolutionary paths involved in this evolvement, we would have 535 Humkeys making laws for us in Congress. That would be terrible! … Or would it?

Would I kid u?

What’s Up With Names?

Many in our society (but not the Smartfella?) are infatuated with what we name ourselves. A “mature” adult who changes his name to “Bow Wow” (I did not make this one up) bears his own responsibility for being laughed at. The sad part is we are not laughing. We say things like, “Dat’s cool”, “Whatever floats your boat”, “Everyone is entitled to do their own thing”.

What is even worse is modern “mature” adults are naming their newborn offspring using name creation thinking that results in some strange monikers…

• Taking well-known names and misspelling them and coming up with…
  o Regena instead of Regina.
  o Dawnn instead of Dawn.
  o Martellus instead of Marcellus.
  o Billye instead of Billy.
  o Parisa instead of Paris.
• Some geniuses have taken to inserting an Apostrophe in the middle of names and coming up with the likes of, “Nu’Keese”.
• We also have the holdover from ancient times where we try to keep alive Roman Names and come up with such gems as, “DeQuayvious”.
• Many years ago President Reagan put his tongue into his cheek and wrote a commentary about the phenomena developing at the time for hyphenating names by combining the bride and the groom’s names into one name. He noted that if this practice were to go on through just a few generations we might end up with…
  o John Smith-Halloran-Schwamm-Morningside-Lacarelli-Sherman-Bukowski-Krenwinkle-Roget.
  o Can you imagine the difficulty this would present to John Madden if John Hyphenating was a running back for the Chicago Bears?
• I read an article a few years ago that told me that people were naming their children after automobiles. A quote from this article is shown below…
  o “There are kids named after cars: Corvette, Acura, Camry, Celica and Infiniti.”
  

It will be a sure sign that a modern mother-to-be went into labor in Walgreen’s Drug Store if you see “Neutrogena” on her little fellow’s soccer shirt.

Would I kid u?

Second Place Is No Place

We are constantly hearing about milestones that report when the first of anything does anything ... first.

Categories of firsters usually involve ... Gender, Nationality, Gender combined with Nationality, Inventors and, of course, Sports Figures (usually called “heroes”).

As a society we pay no attention to the second of anything that does anything about anything. I am pecking out this foolishness to call your attention to the biggest overlooked second in the history of mankind (now called “personkind”).

We are always giving magnamunious (don’t bother looking that one up) praise to the Person Who Invented the Wheel. I agree this was a tremendous leap forward in human development but what about the Person Who Invented the Second Wheel?

That individual was history’s first Rodney Dangerfield before Rodney Dangerfield was Rodney Dangerfield ... Gets No Respect At All.

Would I kid u?

All Is Well ... The Dow Jones Industrial Average Is Over 10,000 Again!

The Dow will never fall below 10,000 ... Or will it?

Most of the time the Smartfella? says when someone tells him something worth knowing, “I knew that”.

He has never been overheard to say, “That’s news to me”.

However, there is one thing that has always puzzled me. It’s the closing of the New York Stock Exchange each and every day.

If the Stock Market has gone up dramatically that particular day, there is this overhang that looks out at the exchangers who have just finished exchanging and there is a group of people standing in the overhang that are applauding and smiling and smiling and applauding. They look really happy!

On those days when the Stock Market has fallen like a heavy rock, there is another group of people standing on the overhang and they are applauding and smiling and smiling and applauding. They look really happy!

This does not seem to make sense to the Smartfella?. Why are they happy when the Stock Market goes up and are just as happy when the Stock Market goes down? On those horrible down days do they not understand that fortunes have just been lost? Do they not see that lives have just been ruined? Do they not comprehend that in the next several hours a number of recently-used-to-be-rich Americans will be jumping out of tall buildings all over the country?

Maybe that is it! The people applauding on those crash days are the people who rent window space to that day’s jumpers. The used-to-be-rich are desperate to end it all and the Jumpers R Us Industry is always ready to serve. They advertise, “Space is limited. Take a number. Have a donut on us. We promise to move you through as quickly as possible”.

Would I kid u?

The Smartfella? Is Spending Lots of Time in an Ongoing State of Confusion

I used to know and understand the world around me. Now I feel like Sergeant Shultz on Hogan’s Heroes ... “I know nothing!” (I wonder how many out there reading this never heard of Sergeant Shultz and/or Hogan’s Heroes?)

Here is the latest change I don’t understand courtesy of our modern news media...

I used to read things like this in the newspaper:
“What’s Her Name had a child as a result of an adulterous relationship with What’s His Name”.

Now I am reading things like this in the newspaper:
“What’s Her Name produced a child through an encounter with What’s His Name”.

“Adulterous Relationship” I understand but “Encounter” somehow seems different.

To me an encounter is like when you accidently bump into someone on a bus and you say, “Excuse me”. Come to think of it Excuse Me is out also. Now we say, “Get outta my way!”

Oh well, that’s Progress ... Or Is It?

Would I kid u?

Can Your Mind’s Eye See?

This is Sight Foolishness. To enjoy the full impact of this bit of Foolishness you must be able to picture these images in your mind’s eye. If you can’t picture images in your head, do not read any further.

First, the Smartfella? must set the stage…

• I am old fashioned.
• I believe that we show respect for places we go by the way we dress.
• To go to church on Sunday dressed like we just came out of the field after picking cotton or just back from toting that barge and lifting that bale is not proper.

I understand that I have just lost more of my dear readers because some of you are now mad at me for attacking the way you dress for church. Oh well, I accept this because that’s the way it is in the glaring spotlight of public opinion.

Those of you still with me please read on.

Since I am sure that God in heaven shares my dislike for Beach/Garden Wear in his church, here is what I find my mind’s eye picturing as I sit there on Sunday watching my fellow parishioners walk up to communion in blue jeans, shorts and thongs…

• All of a sudden all males wearing blue jeans, shorts and thongs are no longer attired in blue jeans, shorts and thongs but are in white boxer underwear, with the word “Alleluia” printed all over them and wearing very loud wooden Dutch shoes that are 3 sizes too big for their feet.
• Since the Smartfella? does not do risqué and picturing women in their underwear in church would be risqué , I do not have the same picture of the females.
• I picture the females walking up and all of a sudden there are flower pots on top of their heads with one large yellow daisy growing out of the pot and held onto their heads by an elastic strap under their chins and, of course, the very loud wooden Dutch shoes that are 3 sizes too big for their feet.

Ah yes, this just might be the biggest miracle since the Loaves and the Fishes!

What? You say you can’t picture my pictures. I feel sorry for your mind’s eye.

Would I kid u?

Miss Manners & Gentle Reader Wrote Most of This One

The Smartfella? gets concerned about lots of foolish issues but he is unable to understand how this “problem” amounts to anything more than Miscellaneous Trivia…

Question to the newspaper column starring Miss Manners:
So my question is twofold: One, just how wrong have I been, lo these many years, eating all sorts of soups with a round-bowled spoon? I really do vastly prefer these to the big oval spoons. And two, if I can find some round-bowled soup spoons, how tacky would it be for them to not match my new stainless? I am aware that it's quite all right to mix silver patterns, but everyday stainless is hardly so exalted.

Answer from Miss Manners:
Gentle Reader: The good news is that you may mix patterns. The bad news confirms what you already know: that soup eaten from a bowl requires round spoons (although these should not be confused with the smaller round bouillon spoons used to eat bouillon from a two-handled soup cup).
Taking your word for it that round-bowled stainless steel spoons do not exist, Miss Manners recommends exhausting yourself by trying to track down soup plates, rather than bowls, that go with your china or pottery.

Wise Guy Comments from Smartfella?:

Dear Gentle Reader and Miss Manners: The two of you should spend your time getting into some really weighty issues that would be of benefit to all mankind like…
Is permissible to throw my cigar butts into my wife’s flower garden?

Would I kid u?