USA Today 10/8/03...U2's Bono was found not guilty by the FCC after using the F Word on that year’s January Golden Globe telecast. The FCC said he used the word as an adjective and using it as an adjective is OK because that means it was not used to “describe sexual...activities”.
How sure are we that the people who heard him (especially the children) thought to themselves, ''Oh my heavens! Did you hear what that terrible person said! ... On the other hand, he did use it as an adjective. I understand fully. More people ought to use that bad word as an adjective and the world would be a better place.''
(To be perfectly honest most Modern Day Americans do not know what an “adjective” is.)
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What if those Golden Globe Officials made a mistake and invited me to their Golden Microphone at their next ceremony and I used the F Word? Since Bono was exonerated, I’m sure, because of his ground breaking precedent, I would be exonerated also...Or would I be?
Ground Breaking Precedent or not, me thinks this is what will actually happen to Fella...
Ø The Golden Globe Officials and Celebrities in the Golden Globe Audience would all turn to their collective selves and say, “Who is that that just used the F Word as an adjective?”
Ø In short order they would all come to the conclusion that I was a nobody but, most important of all, I was not a Celebrity.
Ø I would be immediately thrown out on my ear.
Ø Then the FCC would find me, fine me and bring charges for Not Being Bono.
Ø I will have to get a lawyer.
Ø I will have to spend all my life’s savings paying my lawyer.
Ø My Lawyer will buy a Lexus.
Ø Everyone who had ever known me will rush in to testify that they never heard of me.
Ø Eventually, I would get a Certified Letter in my jail cell from the US Congress that would read as follows:
Dear Fella,
You are not very smart.
It will be signed, “535 Smartfellas”.
Rest assured, if that Golden Globe Mistake Letter ever arrives in my mail, I will not accept its invitation to attend. I’m smarter than that.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
