I Need Help From The Lawyers Who Read My Blog

Dear Lawyer Dear Readers,

Have I not made you laugh a time of two? Have I not confused you a time of two? I know I have offended you a time or two but please forgive the bad and remember the good and give me your legal opinion because I am really concerned.

Here is my concern…

I blog using BlogSpot. BlogSpot is owned by Google. Google BlogSpot, as a part of their service to me, keeps track of…

• The number of times my Blog is clicked on.
• Where the people who click on my Blog live.

It keeps track of other statistics but the 2 above are the ones I am most interested in.

As of this date BlogSpot tells me that I have had 145,236 hits on my Blog. I take pride in knowing that this number is as high as it is and it appears to be growing faster than it has in the past.

It is the breakdown by Country that has me concerned...

• I don’t know that I, at present, know any Russians.
• I did have one working in my department when I was rising through the ranks on the way to the height of my mediocre automotive career at American Motors but, I swear I have not seen him since 1983.
• I’m not sure I have ever used Russian Dressing on my salads.
• There used to be a Russian comedian on TV many years ago and I used to laugh at his jokes.

Here is the Bottom Line. BlogSpot tells me that I have had 7,218 Hits on my Blog from Inside Russia. Could I be convicted of Colluding with Russians because of these hits?

Don’t brush me off. I’m really worried…Or am I?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

I Have A Golden Opportunity For Every One Of My Dear Readers To Make A Fortune!

Do whatever you can to get money to invest in this Sure Thing! Here is an investment opportunity you can’t afford to pass up!...

• Cash in your IRAs!
• Take a second mortgage on your house!
• Break open your Piggy Bank!

Japanese Consumers buy $230 Million in Surgical Masks a Year!

That’s just the Japanese. In the area where we live, we have more Koreans than Japanese and the Koreans are heavy into the use of Surgical Masks also.

Here is why they are wearing them and herein is your Golden Opportunity to invest in the Asian Surgical Mask Market! (Boy, I’m running out of Exclamation Points!)...

• Wearing the masks has long been common in East Asian countries ever since the 2002 SARS Outbreak and the 2006 Bird Flu Panic. 
• The practice has crossed over into immigrant Asian populations in the Good Ole USofA.
• I see them every day as I run downhill in my local park.
• Now, with Ebola fears still on high, many immigrant Asians aren’t taking chances—despite the fact that the number of known U.S. Ebola infections has now dropped to zero.
• The mask wearing has not slowed in the face of assertions by public health authorities that Ebola is almost certainly not Airborne-Transmissible.

They are spending $230 Million a year because they are worried about Ebola while the number of known infections has now dropped to zero and is almost certainly not Airborne-Transmissible.

Don’t you see it? If they are this worried about Ebola, imagine the money that is going to be spent on this growing Coronavirus that my TV will not stop talking about!

Don’t thank me. I love to send Foolish Blogs to Rich People!

Would I kid u?
Smartfella

Let Us Not Confuse Change With Progress

Maybe no one ever said the above Subject Words except me but I have said them many times. I don’t always believe what I say but this is one of those times where I know I am dead right and at my age I don’t throw the word “dead” around very much.

***************

Enter the “Wisdom” of YouTube…

(This is the first bolded quote above that you will be referred to down below.)

“If you want to cut off a leg or an arm, you’re mentally ill, but if you want to cut off healthy breasts or a penis, you’re transgender.”

Those are the words of Dr. Michelle Cretella said in a video published in 2017. She is a Pediatrician with many years’ experience in her field. She is also the Executive Director of the American College of Pediatricians.

Fast forward to November 2019 and this video of Dr. Cretella has been removed from YouTube. In its place, YouTube displays this message: “This video has been removed for violating YouTube’s policy on Hate Speech.”

***************

“Hate Speech” … The use of the term Hate Speech appears to be here to stay.

This is the kind of thing we are now being subjected to in the Good Ole USofA…

• A person used to kill another person because the other person deserved to be killed or simply because they disliked the another person.
• The fact that you killed the another person in absolutely conclusive proof that you hated the another person and hating another person is now a crime unto itself.
• If you only disliked the another person, you would have simply slapped or punched the another person.
• Slapping and punching has modern implications…
  >>>A Slap is now classified as a Hate Slap and punishable by 8 years in prison.
  >>>A Punch is now classified as a Hate Punch and is punishable by 17 years in prison.

(Yea, I made the above bullet up…Or did I?)

• Imagine how many years John Wayne would have spent in prison because he was always punching someone. (He never slapped anyone.)

***************

Now to further your Foolish Education of the Silliness of all of this we now have a new Term of Confusion to fog our minds…

It seems some of us are suffering from Body Integrity Identity Disorder but fear not because we have a remedy and that remedy is to Amputate Limbs.

I can’t bring myself to say again which limbs so I will refer you to the First Bold Quote Above.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Am I allowed to ask this question?

If the Amputated Limb was healthy when it was removed, can the Amputated Limbed Person have it reattached if they later changed their minds or would that be considered Amputation Reversal Confusion Syndrome

Lagniappe Another: If you want to see John Wayne punching someone click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrqlP6hzofE

I’m Here To Talk About Those Papers You Throw Away

When you get a Prescription from the Drug Store they give you a bunch of paper to Keep You Informed and to Cover Their Butts.

You take the pills home and start popping them right after you throw the papers they gave you away.

It was probably a violation of Federal Law (but I did it anyway) I actually read some of those throw-away papers. There is something new in those papers.

Actually it may not be that new because the Good Ole USofA has been going down this road for many years now but I never read about it till now.

It has to do with Marijuana. Under “Precautions” I read…

“MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. ALCOHOL AND MARIJUANA MAY INTENSIFY THIS EFFECT. USE CARE WHEN OPERATING A VEHICLE, VESSEL (E.G. BOAT), OR MACHINERY.”

There it is. Marijuana is part and parcel of who we are today and will be more a part of who we are tomorrow. Some call this “progress”. I am not part of the some that do.

There probably is a statue in the Marijuana Hall of Fame to the first person who came up with the term, “Medical Marijuana”.

He probably is not alive today because there is a good chance he drove off a cliff in his Mercedes as he was Medically Marijuanaing (yea, I know I made up that word) down a road that was not there.

You might say he was Rolling Along Singing A Song. Whatever he was Singing About he felt medically good all the way down.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

You Have Heard Me Say it Many Times

Yes I have said, if there is bad news out there, our News Media will find it and beat us over the head with it.

They seem to get a kick out of making us think that all is lost. They defend it by saying that it is not newsworthy to tell us how many cats were caught up a tree today.

I’m to the point where reporting about cats up trees would be a breath of fresh air compared to what you are going to read below…

Now we have to worry about our pets catching the flu!

• Flu Season is taking its toll, not only with people, but with their pets.
• Veterinarians are warning of a Canine Flu Outbreak.
• Veterinarians are saying the Flu can’t be transmitted from dog-to-person but it can get on your clothes and then be transmitted to another dog.
• Or it can be transmitted from one dog to another at places such as dog parks.
• A Veterinarian was quoted as saying the Canine Flu is sweeping his community. His emergency clinic has confirmed its fourth case, to go along with 50 dogs showing Flu-Like Symptoms such as coughing, over the past two weeks.
• Shows what I know. I never have heard a dog coughing.

This is terrible! I don’t even own a dog and I am worried about my dog!

***************

If I can just stay away from people! That will protect me from getting the People Flu…Or will it?

• Wrong! It looks like I will have to stay far away from people because people with the People Flu can spread the People Flu to people without the People Flu up to 6 feet away.
• The Flu Virus is spread mainly by droplets made when people with the Flu Cough, Sneeze or Talk.

I’m going to go on the Internet and buy a lapel badge that says, “Don’t Cough on me! Don’t Sneeze on me! Don’t Talk to me!”

***************

Thank heaven we have the Flu Shot! That will protect all of us from every kind of Flu Danger!

• Shockingly, people who receive Flu Shot Vaccinations were found to emit 6.3 times the number of Flu Virus Particles emitted by non-vaccinated persons.
• This means that the most responsible way to avoid infecting other people is to avoid being vaccinated for the Flu.

It seems to me that as soon, as a person gets a Flu Shot, that person is a danger to other people and he ought to put into quarantine until the point in time where he stops emitting Flu Virus Particles.

***************

Well at least the economy is robust and more and more people are getting jobs.

• Not so fast! It has been reported that the booming economy is to blame for creating a Bad Flu Season.
• People who are likely to spread the Flu go to work and spread the Flu because they went to work.
• This means the way to protect your fellow man is to be unemployed.

If you really care for other people, it is apparent that it is your civic duty to stay on the couch.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Why Do We Care About Them? Who Are These People Anyway?

None of these people in these headlines below know who I am, I have never heard of most of them and I don’t really care what they do.

I am hip (or am I?) enough to know that millions of adoring fans devour headlines and articles about Celebrities and can’t get their fill of more of what they do with their time, lives and marriages.

Here are some Celebrity Headlines that I came across the other day when I started looking around the edges of an article on the Internet that I was actually interested in…

• Kaia Gerber Is Closing Out 2019 With Her Shortest Haircut Yet!
• Bella Hadid Just Hit the Beach in a Seriously Revealing One-Piece Swimsuit!
• Demi Lovato and New Boyfriend Austin Wilson Enjoy Date Night at Disneyland!
• Porsha Williams' Fiancé Dennis McKinley Says Her Postpartum Depression Drove Him to Cheat!
• Baby Girl on the Way! Siesta Key's Alex Kompothecras and Girlfriend Alyssa Salerno Expecting Their First Child!
• Halle Berry Kicks 2020 Off In A Swimsuit With Soaking-Wet COLD Shower, Then Challenges You To Do The Same!
• Jennifer Aniston Wows in Black String Bikini On Mexico Beach!
• Jennifer Aniston's Secret to Perfect Hair While Traveling, According to Her Colorist!
• Jennifer Aniston Celebrated New Year's in Mexico with Close Pals Jason Bateman and Jimmy Kimmel!

I have heard about Halle Berry and Jennifer Anniston but I have not heard of any of the rest of them.

***************

Do you think these Celebs would care about these headlines below hanging around the edges of Internet Articles they were actually interested in reading?...

• Fella just ate a ham and cheese sandwich for lunch.
• All heads were turning as Fella walked the beach today in his new Dudley Do-Right swim suit.
• Fella played 2 hours of intensive tennis yesterday and he amazed all his playing partners because he was able to hit 3 good shots before he headed to the showers.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Do any of you have Dudley Do-Right’s phone number? I want to call him and tell him to sue this impostor: http://dudleydorightct.com/

From All Directions We Are Being Told That Women Are Better Than Men And Can Do Everything Men Can’t Do But I Think This Thinking Is Going Too Far!

I’m going to surely get in trouble with this bit of Funny Irrefutable Thinking.

To the females out there that start to bristle (intransitive verb to react somewhat angrily or indignantly to somebody or something) with anger at me for daring to peck out Funny Irrefutable Thinking about the current Male vs. Female Strife going on in our society, please take a step back and see the Funny Irrefutable Thinking.

There is a Automotive TV Commercial running at this time that goes as follows (You should remember that I know what I am talking about when I speak about Automotive Stuff because I retired from the Automotive Industry at the height of a Mediocre Automotive Career)…

• An intrepid woman is driving in slow moving traffic in her intrepid SUV.
• She gets exasperated and gets out of the slow moving traffic drives out into the Uncharted Wilderness of the Good Ole USofA becoming the 3rd male or female to take an SUV Off-Road in the last 24 months.
• Out in the Uncharted Wilderness she steps out of her confused SUV (confused because it is wondering what it is doing out in the Uncharted Wilderness).
• All of a sudden our Intrepid Female is dressed in a Ski Outfit and she is pulling down her Ski Goggles to head off downhill into the Heavily Wooded Forest in front of her.

There it is. What an Intrepid Commercial! I, however, have questions…

• How is our Intrepid Skier going to avoid hitting the trees in the Heavily Wooded Forest in front of her?
• Since there are no Ski Lifts around, how is she going to ski back up hill to her Confused and Lonely SUV?

A Bumbling Male Skier could not do either of the two above bullets.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

The Question Of The Day Is What Are They Doing In There?

When I entered the Rest Room, they were already in there. I didn't know how long they had been in there. I did find out how long at least one of them was going to be in there.

The picture does not show their feet in there but, trust me, their feet were in there.

I waited over 10 minutes for at least one pair of their feet to come out of in there and finally the feet of one of them came out and one of hands that go with the feet was carrying a Cell Phone!

There, my dear readers, you have a hint to the Subject Question of the Day…

What Are They Doing In There?

Ø Were they Texting?

Ø Were they Emailing?

Ø Were they Surfing the Web?

I gave no indication of my annoyance with the both of them, however, I did take note that the one that came out first had been in the Handicapped Stall. I had to resist the urge to make him officially eligible to use to Handicapped Stall.

No, while I was in there I did not Text nor Email nor Surf because I was considerate enough to understand that I might be waiting outside.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: This all happened yesterday. I find myself wondering if the other guy that was in there is still in there.

This Blog Posting Is Not Political Nor Is It Foolish Nor Is It Silly. It’s Just Plain Interesting.

If you are not interested in Interesting, Read No Further.

In the first week of January of 1909 the initial meeting of the fledgling National Association of Colored People (NAACP) took place in a tiny apartment in New York City.

Its organizers were a Mary White Ovington, William English Walling and Henry Moskovitz. At this meeting they agreed that on the coming Abraham Lincoln’s Birthday (February 12) they would circulate an open call for a conference about the “Negro Situation”, as it was called at that time.

They managed to get the resulting document signed by 60 prominent black and white activists.

***************

That’s it. That’s the end of the Interesting Information I wanted to Blog about.

***************

What’s that you said? You said that does not seem that interesting to you. Oops! I left out the interesting part…

Ø Mary White Ovington was not a Black Person.

Ø William English Walling was not a Black Person.

Ø Henry Moskovitz was not a Black Person.

This means that the 3 most prominent people who founded the NAACP Were Not Black People.

Now that is interesting!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Some Things Ain’t What They Used To Be

The old Gray Mare she ain’t what she used to be and this Blog Posting will make the point that the Food We Eat ain’t what it used to be.

I just sat down to eat my breakfast and found a Grocery Store Flier on the table. I started Noticing. Have I ever told you I was a Noticer? I sure have and this bit of Foolishness will prove that I am that!

***************

Here is a listing of the foods in this 4 Page Flier that ain’t what they used to be…

Ø Meatless Breakfast Patties and Links

Ø Chocolate or Glazed Gluten Free Donuts

Ø Cinnamon Raisin or Seeds & Grain Gluten Free Breads

Ø Plant-Based Egg Substitute

Ø Non-Dairy Yogurt

Ø Macadamia Nut Milk

Ø Plant-Based Protein Chipotle Bowl

Ø Plant-Based Protein Taco Filling

Ø Plant-Based Protein Pad Thai with Konjac Noodles

Ø Mushroom Risotto Burgers

Ø Lentil Burgers

Ø Protein Water with Energy

Ø Beefless Crumbles

Ø Chickenless Strips

Ø Chickenless Nuggets

Ø Buffalo Chickenless Patties

Ø BBQ Chickenless Patties

Ø Bada Bean Bada Boom Snacks

Ø Meatless Ground Plant Protein

Ø Cauliflower Tortilla Chips

Ø Grain Free Cookie Bites.

***************

The only thing I fully understand is Gluten Free because I know that means there is No Charge for the Gluten.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe:

Back to the Old Gray Mare…

Those old songs sure had great lyrics…Or did they?

The old gray mare,
She ain't what she used to be
Ain't what she used to be,
Ain't what she used to be
The old gray mare,
She ain't what she used to be
Many long years ago.

Many long years ago,
Many long years ago,
The old gray mare,
She ain't what she used to be
Many long years ago.

The old gray mare,
She kicked on the whiffletree,
Kicked on the whiffletree,
Kicked on the whiffletree
The old gray mare,
She kicked on the whiffletree
Many long years ago.

Many long years ago,
Many long years ago,
The old gray mare,
She kicked on the whiffletree
Many long years ago.

What’s a Whiffletree? Yea, I Duck Duck Goed it and it’s not a Tree and you probably don’t care what it is, so I won’t tell you.