This is a screen shot taken today of my Recent Phone Calls in my iPhone.
Yea, I know one of them is not very recent (2020) but I’m hanging onto that one for a very good reason. I just can’t remember what that very good reason is.
In high school we
would have taken one look at this picture and said no C***, Sherlock...
Smartfella
Today’s Really Good News Is The Ruler Of New York State Has Deigned That His Minions Can Start Going To Movie Theatres Again
Since I have known Hiz Honor, the almost permanent ruler of New York, since way back when he was only a Prince-Aspiring-To-Be-King, I gave him a call to find out how he was going to pull off this loosening of the reins of his past dictates without endangering his subjects. He was expecting my call and immediately launched into explaining to me his Minion Movie Attendance Dictate (called by his subjects MMAD).
Below, in Bullet Point Format (aren’t you glad) is how our conversation went...
Ø Sir, is it OK if I call you “Sir”, I am at a loss to understand how you are going to allow your subjects to crowd into Super Spreader Germ-Infested Closed-In Movie Theatres.
Ø Oh my dear Fella, it is easy. I am going to dictate my Minion Seating Policy is to be strictly enforced.
Ø Sir, I am not familiar with your Minion Seating Policy.
Ø Fella, no one is familiar with it because I just invented it. It is simply this: My subjects will have to sit separated by 3 empty seats.
Ø Sir, I’m sure it is brilliant but I still don’t know what the heck you are talking about. ... As an aside, you may be wondering why I telephoned you today instead of visiting you in person. The reason is last time I visited you I said, “I don’t what the heck you are talking about”, and you threw me out of your office window. Had it not been for that Circus Act relocating their 3 Trampolines, I would have been killed. It was amazing. I bounced off of all 3 of them 2 times before I finally rolled safely to the ground. Because of that happening I decided not to take the chance of a visit to you for this discussion because there are not as many Circus acts walking around Albany as there once were. (I heard him chuckle as I proceeded.) ... The way I see it, the flaw in your Minion Seating Policy is that it is dark inside theatres so how are you going to know that your Minion Seating Policy is being adhered to? My understanding is young people still like to neck in dark theatres.
Ø Fella, I’m sorry about that throwing thing but you have to understand that I must have respect and throwing my subjects out that window gets me the next best thing to respect (if they survive)...Fear. Allow me to explain to you the Stroke of Genius part of my Minion Seating Policy that makes it fool proof. The 3 Empty Seats will remain unoccupied because I have mandated that they be covered with Green Jell-o. Who the heck is going to sit on Green Jell-o?
Ø Sir, I apologize from ever doubting you! That is definitely a Stroke of Genius Plan of Action!
I humbly thanked him for his time and, as I was groveling around saying my good bye I could hear he was really pleased with himself because I heard his suspenders snapping back onto his chest.
The last thing he said to me was, “Fella, my good friend, the Jell-o CEO, really likes my Minion Seating Policy!”
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: You are not sure if I made up all of the above Foolishness, are you? My Dear Readers, you have seen what’s been going on in New York throughout this Dire Pandemic. Think about it for a minute. ... I’ll wait. ... Now that you have thought about it for a minute, do you still think I made up all of the above?
Don’t let the Dire News Headlines scare you.
The weather is cold outside because It Is Winter!
Reports have been coming in from many different usually reliable unnamed sources speaking on the condition of anonymity that this has never happened before but this time they may be proving to be unreliable reliable anonymous sources.
Scientific research is revealing that cold weather has actually happened many times in the past with the most recent occurrence being Last Winter!
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Thank heaven there are lines even Snidely Whiplash will not cross.
************
I’ll give you a good example of which I speak...N95 Masks!
No one would make Fake N95 Masks! No one would want to expose his fellow man to spreading the Deadly COVID-19 Virus simply for profit!...Or would one?
Even Snidely would not want Health Care Professionals operating on patients wearing masks that were dripping the Deadly COVID-19 Virus into an open body cavity during an operation that is supposed to be saving the life of the cavity owner!
************
This Just In!...News reports are coming in telling us that there are evil people out and about that are even more evil than evil Snidely Whiplash!
This shocks me! For someone who keeps calling himself Smart, I sure am not too smart when it comes to Evilness!
Here is a February 18, 2021 News Headline...
Federal Agents Seize
About 11 Million Counterfeit N95 Masks
This is short excerpt from this news article...
“Federal agents have
seized about 11 million fake N95masks as part of ongoing investigations
and efforts to prevent counterfeit masks from being sold to hospitals and
first responders.
The seizures took
place over the course of a few weeks in operations across five states, with
hundreds of thousands of masks seized from an east coast warehouse in the
agency’s most recent enforcement action.”
************
Did you just say, “Oh well, 11 is not a lot. It is not even 12 and it is hardly more than 10.”
Why do I have to keep reminding you about these Millions and Billions and Trillions we keep throwing around?
11 Million Is 11 Thousand Thousands
That’s a lot more than...Don’t Worry About It. That’s Nothing!
Thank heaven they put us to sleep during operations. If it not for Anesthesia we would be laying there watching all those germs dripping into our unsuspecting open cavities.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
I’m not sure, during these trying times, the answer to the Subject Question can be a “Yes” but, in this Blog Posting, I’m going to try to say, Yes, It Is Possible.
What color are Human Teeth? Certainly we can all agree that Human Teeth are White.
So far...So good?
What color is Charcoal? Certainly we can all agree that Charcoal is Black.
Am I still good?
************
Here is where it gets confusing.
I just bought 4 tubes of Toothpaste from Costco and the packaging reads as follows...
Crest
3D White
Fluoride Anticavity Toothpaste
Whitening Therapy
Charcoal
Deep Clean
On the other side of the box Crest gives the buyer more information and they explained themselves rather well...Or did they?
This 3DWhite Whitening Therapy formula contains an Active Mineral Complex and Charcoal.
This formula gives you a deep clean that brightens teeth, strengthens enamel and freshens breath.
************
There it is. There is Procter & Gamble’s explanation as to why something that is Black can make your teeth, which are White, Whiter.
At some time in our lives we all have picked up and handled Charcoal Briquettes. Once we have done the handling, if we look at our hands, we see that our hands are Blacker, not Whiter, than they were before we did the handling.
Have you ever said to yourself, “Self, I’m thinking that I need my teeth to be Whiter than they are. I going to take a piece of this Charcoal Briquette and rub it all over my teeth, and when I am done rubbing, my teeth will be a lot Whiter.”
************
There I have done it. I have talked about Black & White and I have not said anything that could possibly be considered Racist.
I’m glad you agree with me and I thank you for taking time to read my Confusing Foolishness.
Have a nice day.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Wait a minute. I have yet to publish this Blog Posting and as I look outside my Computer Cave’s Window I see an angry mob holding signs that say I am a Racist and shaking their fists at me in angry anger.
Maybe I ought to not publish this Blog Posting after all.
Wait a minute. This is really strange. The angry mob seems to know that
I am thinking about not publishing my Non-Racist Foolishness and they are
shouting, “If you do not publish you Non-Racist
Racist Blog Posting, it will prove that you are a Racist!”
I am certainly Betwixt and Between (whatever that is).
You may want to Not Read This Blog Posting if you are...
Ø A Progressive who is averse to reading anything that makes you think that everything Progressives do is anything but the Correct Course of Action and you refuse to even consider any Course of Action that is not Progressive.
Ø A Conservative who is averse to reading anything that makes you think that everything Conservatives do is anything but the Correct Course of Action and you refuse to even consider any Course of Action that is not Conservative.
No matter what political leanings you have I would hope anyone could read this Common Sense (remember Common Sense?) Argument about what’s happening to our System of Government.
What’s happening is not good for any of us. It could very well be one of the biggest nails of the many nails we are hammering into the Coffin of the Good Ole USofA.
I’ll give it a name. Let’s call it...Chaos in Governance.
Many of you just said to collective yourselves...“Huh?”
We may not know what I am talking about but we better figure it out before it is too late and it’s getting too late very fast.
************
Allow me to try and make bullet-point sense of what I pecked out above...
Ø Imagine you have an idea for your Dream Venture that you have wanted to make a reality your whole life.
Ø You finally have enough money to make it happen but you don’t have unlimited funds and you know for a fact that, if you fail, you will be bankrupt.
Ø You are encouraged because the Current President of the Good Ole USofA after many years of political infighting has just signed an Executive Order clearing the way for your business venture to become reality.
Ø You are excited because you know your Dream Venture will employ thousands of families and your own family will be provided for for the rest of your life and beyond.
Ø However, because you have always been one to see reality, you are thinking about not going forward with your Dream Venture because there is a campaign for president in process and you hear the opposition candidate pledging to Cancel Out the Executive Order of the Current President that made your Dream Venture possible.
Ø You know that Executive Orders are not Laws Passed by Congress and they can be cancelled by future presidents.
What would you do? I know what Fella would do because he is Gutless...Or is he a Realist? He would go back to the Yogurt Shop, put on his apron and start thinking of how to tell his children why they are not going to be able to go to College and try and come up with a few good reasons as to why a career as a Yogurt Fella is not all that bad.
************
What is that you just said? You just said you don’t like Fella’s Silly Bullets. OK, I’ll see if I can bullet out a more recent example that will sound very familiar to you...
Ø You are the owner of a Pipeline Construction Business.
Ø Your company has just been offered the opportunity to be the Major Construction Contractor to build a new Pipeline.
Ø The Prior President had used Executive Orders to prevent construction of the Pipeline.
Ø The Current President has just signed an Executive Order to go ahead with construction on the Pipeline.
Ø You know our Legislative Process was designed to be slow.
Ø You know that, after Laws are passed by Congress, they are The Laws of the Land and it is again an agonizing slow process to repeal Actual Laws.
Ø You recognize this as Stability.
Ø You know Stability means businesses can make plans into the future.
Ø You know that Executive Order Governance is Chaos.
Ø You know, if the rules that a country lives by can be changed every 4 years, this is a Recipe for Failure.
Ø You know the many good paying jobs that the Pipeline will create can be eliminated by another Executive Order.
Ø You know that the proponents of stopping the Pipeline will say, “Go build Windmills”.
Ø You know that the Windmill Jobs are in other states and your unemployed workers will have to relocate to those states.
Ø You know that those Windmill Jobs pay half of what the Pipeline jobs paid.
Ø You know that when the Cancellation Executive Order is signed you will be stuck with 48,000 Tons of Steel Piping that you will have to try and sell for pennies on the dollar of what you paid for them.
A couple more “You Knows”...
Ø You know you are not going to sign up your Construction Company to build the Pipeline.
Ø You know you are going to find a Physiatrist Couch to lie on and start having your head examined about why your head ever got it into itself to go into the Pipeline Construction Business.
Ø You know you will not be surprised when your new Physiatrist says to you, “Have you ever thought about being a Yogurt Fella?”
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: Today the Windmills in Texas are frozen in place. What do you think about an Executive Order to unfreeze them? Fella thinks that might not be such a good idea. Two bad consequences could result...
Ø Such an Executive Order might result in Windmills themselves becoming confused.
Ø Mother Nature might File Suit.
“Don't Spit in the
Soup, We All Gotta Eat”
Now that I have that off my chest, I will move on to trying to explain why I chose the above Title of this Blog Posting to be the Title of this Blog Posting.
************
Actually today’s 2nd quote of LBJ’s that I wanted to discuss did not come from LBJ. Now I know I have you confused about what I am saying (again) but stick with me as I try to wriggle out of this one.
The 2nd quote is...
“Whenever
two people always agree, one of them is unnecessary.”
For decades I have attributed a form of this quote (“If you have
2 people who always think alike, you have one person who ain’t thinking”) to
LBJ. In getting ready for this bit of Foolishness I researched the attribution of this quote and found that it definitely
came from Ezra Pound and it definitely came from Henry Ford and it definitely
came from William Wrigley, Jr. (The Internet strikes again).
Oh well, as Fella has said before, if the horse is dead, get off the horse. It makes no difference who actually said it, I’m going to talk today about what was said by someone.
************
Have you noticed what I’ve
noticed about Republican Senators Susan Collins of Maine and Lisa Murkowski of
Alaska?... They always agree.
This fact really hit me in the face yesterday when I was jogging down the hills in my local park (I’m too old to jog up the hills in my local park).
I was listening to the Senate
Impeachment Trial Number Next of President Trump. The Senators who were still
awake were submitting written questions to the lawyers prosecuting and
defending President Trump.
The strange thing was a
question had come from both Senators Collins and Murkowski. Not a
question from Senator Collins and a separate question from Senator Murkowski
but a single question from the both of them. This leads me to the Fella Question...
Which One Ain’t
Thinking?
Would
I kid u?
Smartfella
Below are 4 excerpts from the first 2 questions on the CDC Web Site in a section entitled “Frequently Asked Questions about COVID-19 Vaccination”...
Ø Because this virus is new, we don’t know how long...
Ø We won’t know how long...until we have more data...
Ø Experts are working to learn more about...
Ø Experts do not yet know...
Why is it, if the President of the Good Ole USofA stands up at a News Conference and gives us information about COVID-19 that he obtained from the Experts at the CDC that later is found not to be true, he is attacked for Lying to the American People?!
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
I must have been too busy to notice a Significant Milestone as it went by or I am getting so old I simply
did not look up in time to take note.
Let me start again...
I have been so busy I did not notice a Significant Milestone as it went by...
Foolishness...Or Is It the Blog Has Passed The 200,000 Views Milestone.
At The Time Of The Publication Of This Blog Posting The Exact Number Is 200,461 And Counting
My thanks goes out to each of my Dear Clickers for each and every one of your Clicks.
Keep on clicking and I will do my best to continue pecking out
Silly Things about Foolishness (Or is it...Foolish Things about Silliness?).
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: I’m must be feeling my oats. I’m thinking seriously about overtaking Justin Bieber’s 87,228,979 Facebook Followers. Right now I am at 11 And Counting.
There once was a time when it was considered improper fashion to display a Woman’s Ankles.
A hundred years or so later there is no Flap about displaying the contents of The Flap...
The Silly People from the Old Days may not have been as silly as once thought when they raised the alarm about Women’s Fashion showing the female ankle because, here in the New Days, a lot more than the ankle is on display.
At least the Bottom of the Slippery Slope is in sight...Or is it?
On the other hand, Global Warming may negate that flickering hope.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: The last picture above did not come out of a Girlie Magazine. It was an ad trying to actually sell this “dress”.
I asked the CDC Web Site a simple question...
How long does it take for the Pfizer Vaccine to take Full Effect?
I got back an answer that looked like this...
Ø It contained 4,209 words.
Ø It started off with, “Please Note: This transcript is not edited and may contain errors”.
I did not bother to read the 4,209 words and I decided to continue to Wallow in My Own Ignorance.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
A member of either Political Party said this...
We are all in agreement that, if we published this story about our political opponent we would gain long-lasting political advantage and we would be absolutely certain to win this upcoming election. It is such a shame that we can’t put out this story but we can’t because It Is Not True.
No matter what your Political Persuasion, if you just said to yourself, “The other side would go right ahead with this Untruthful Story but my side Would Never Publish A Lie”, you are wrong.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
In this Internet Age it is easy to make A Lot More Money. Netflix just made A Lot More Money. They raised their Monthly Subscription Rate by $1 a month.
Did I just hear you say to your Computer/Smartphone/Tablet/Whatever, “Fella, $1 ain’t a lot of money. $1 is only a dollar. It’s not even $2. It is hardly more than nothing”.
My Dear Readers, you think I am being Silly because you have not remembered to take into consideration the number of subscribers Netflix flicks to each day/month/year.
As of the 4th Quarter of 2020 Netflix has 203,670,000 Subscribers. (I am always amazed that when such numbers are reported they always come out to exact figures)...
Ø Netflix just increased gross revenue by $203,670,000 A Month.
Ø Actually I know the increase is going to be $203,669,999 Per Month because 1 guy out in Missouri (where the stubborn people live) is going to say, “That’s it! They have gone too far! I refuse to be bullied like this! I’m not going to pay it! I quit!
Ø Netflix will pay him no never mind because, the day after he quit, they will pick up 1,289 New Subscribers for an increase in revenue of $18,033.11 Per Month.
If I have inspired you to stand your ground with your Netflix Subscription and refuse to be bullied into paying $1 more Per Month, Fuhgedaboutit. Netflix will never know you are gone because they will be too busy counting their money.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: Yea, I figured it out. $203,669,999 per month is $2,444,039,988 Per Year. Yes that’s 2,444,039,988 Billion with a B.
