Example of Awful #1...Spots
On the Floor
For about a year and a half, whenever we went into a store of any kind we have been comforted by a sense of Non-Confusion because we saw Spots On The Floor that give us Comforting Instructions like...
Ø Stand Here
Ø Don’t touch anyone
Ø Stay Safe
Ø 6’ Apart
Ø Social Distancing
Ø Don’t let anyone touch you
The Times They Are a Changin’ because the spots are disappearing from our stores and it is resulting in Confusion and Chaos. As I entered a store yesterday I immediately became aware that it was in Complete Chaos Mode...
Ø Some people were stopped dead in their tracks at the door afraid to move any further.
Ø All customers had looks on their collective faces of Shock, Confusion and/or Fear.
Ø Many customers who had been brave enough to walk in now had had their emotions get the better of them and they were frozen in place.
Ø I saw 3 who were on the phone with 911 demanding Swat Teams be dispatched to come rescue them.
OK I admit I made the above Silliness up...Or did I?
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Example of Awful
#2...Holes In Jeans.
Every time I offer one of my Grandchildren $20 to go buy a new pair of jeans that do not have holes in the knees they look at me as if I am acting strange again.
They start thinking about what their parents have been saying about my going down the Slippery Slope because...
Ø They don’t understand what I am talking about because, of course, all jeans have holes in the knees.
Ø They know that $20 is not enough to buy the back pocket of their jeans of choice.
Ø Before
I spoke up they were in the process of trying to decide how they were going to
make their jeans even better looking than they presently are.
>To make the improvements they were picturing the Instruments of Improvement
they were going to utilize...a Pair of Scissors, a Sickle, a Revolver, a Wire
Brush and/or a Lawn Mower.
Long ago I stopped telling them about my youth (which they are tired of hearing about) and what I would do when a hole appeared in my Jean's Knees...
Ø I considered a hole in my jeans a certain sign that my jeans had become too old to wear any longer.
Ø If I did continue to wear them, my friends would look down on me and quit playing with me.
Ø I would ask my Mother for $3.49 to go buy a new pair of jeans.
Ø Once my Mother had given me the $3.49 (exact change) I would walk the one block to Weinstein’s (Neighborhood) Department Store and buy a new pair of jeans.
Ø Mr. Weinstein loved to see me walk in with my $3.49 (exact change) in my hand.
I always used to think he liked me but, as I have grown wiser in the ways of the world, I came to realized he really like my $3.49.
All of the above in this Example of Awful #2 has been a digression from why I brought up Holes in Jeans in the first place.
I was in my Cable TV Provider’s office the other day when this happened...
Ø There was an office to the left with a sign out front that read, “Job Interview in Process”.
Ø While I was waiting patiently on my spot the door to this office burst open and a young lady came out and turned back to the person who had been interviewing her and while moving her hands down the front of her clothes as if she was brushing away some dirt that had gotten on her clothes she said, “I can’t abide working in a place where I can’t bring my holes with me. I will not work in a place that shows no respect for my holes!”
I looked in the office and the bewildered former interviewer said to me, “All I said was she would not be allowed to wear jeans with holes in them to work”.
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Example of Awful #3....
There she was on her Physiatrist’s Couch telling him about her greatest fear. Here was her tale of fear...
Ø Doctor, it was awful! I was stuck! I could not leave my house!
Ø It was a beautiful day, the birds were chirping, the temperature was perfect and I wanted so badly to go for a walk in the beautiful bird filled park near my house.
Ø I phoned Sally but she did not answer.
Ø I phoned Imelda but she did not answer.
Ø I phoned Linda but she did not answer.
Ø I phoned every friend I had (and I do have lots of friends) and no one answered.
Ø I was trapped because, as you well know, no one can walk without talking on their Smartphone.
The Physiatrist walked out saying to himself, “I’m going directly to my local Fire Station and put in my application to become a Fireman”.
As he disappeared from her presence she looked up from the couch (which she could not get up from because her phone battery had run out) and said to herself, “How did he just walk out like that without talking on his phone?”
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: Does this make sense to you?
That guy on the left
without a spot will not live through the night.
