Admit it, you don't understand Diddly-Squat, do you?

 

I just received an update to LifeLock’s License & Service Agreement...

Ø Should I read it all? ... Yes I should.

Ø Will I read it all? ... No I won’t.

Ø If I read it all, how much would I understand? ... Not much!

I won’t I read it all because it is 11,407 Words cram packed with Confusion, Legalese and a Bunch of Words That I Bet Were Made Up Only for Use in this Agreement.

Here is a 148 word snippet. Imagine how confused you would be if you were Silly enough to try and read all 11,407 words...

Injunctive and Declaratory Relief. Except as provided in Section 2(b) above, the arbitrator shall determine all issues of liability on the merits of any claim asserted by you or NortonLifeLock and may award declaratory or injunctive relief only in favor of the individual party seeking relief and only to the extent necessary to provide relief warranted by that party's individual claim. To the extent that you or NortonLifeLock prevail on a claim and seek public injunctive relief (that is, injunctive relief that has the primary purpose and effect of prohibiting unlawful acts that threaten future injury to the public), the entitlement to and extent of such relief must be litigated in a civil court of competent jurisdiction and not in arbitration. The parties agree that litigation of any issues of public injunctive relief shall be stayed pending the outcome of the merits of any individual claims in arbitration.

This is not really an attack on LifeLock. I’m glad I have their coverage. I just pray that Lifelock and all these other companies where we have sworn that we have read their Policy Agreements but we have not read their Policy Agreements will be honest with us if the time ever comes where we need them to explain what those words mean. 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Since You Are My Friend and You Trust Me, I Know You Will Loan Me $1,000...Or are you?...Or do you?...Or will you?

I am reading a book about Captains of American Industry and I thought y’all might find this Blog Posting interesting.

After years of effort and thousands of experiments, Thomas Edison achieved an incandescent lamp that had burned 45 hours and he said to the world, “World, the practical incandescent lamp has been born”.

After that he just sat back and watched the money come rolling in.

The prior sentence is absolutely not true. Before Edison had an incandescent lamp that was viable and marketable to consumers he had to invent the Electrical Industry:

Ø He had to build a central power station.

Ø He had to design and manufacture his own dynamos to economically convert steam power into electrical energy.

Ø He had to come up with a way to insure an even flow of current.

Ø He had to connect a 14-mile network of underground wiring.

Ø He had to insulate the wiring against damaging moisture and the accidental discharge of electrical charges.

Ø He had to install safety devices against fire.

Ø He had to design commercially efficient motors to use electricity in daylight hours for elevators, printing presses, laths, fans and the like.

Ø He had to invent and manufacturer a plethora of switches, sockets, fuses, distributing boxes and lamp holders.

Ø He had to design and install meters to measure individual consumption of power.

For all of this he had to put up most of the money himself and fight against the Gas Company Lobby at every turn as they used their political influence to stop him.

I’m wondering if you had been his next-door neighbor and he had come to you asking for a loan of $1,000 would you have loaned him the money or would you have turned him away telling him to go out and get a real job.

I would have loaned him the money...Or would I have?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Amazon Ought To Be Running the Country

We are on a well deserved vacation. Don’t ask me why this vacation is Well Deserved since I have been retired since 1998. It Just Is!

The day before I left home I received the message below from the people who charged me an exorbitant amount of money to rent the past-its-prime vacation rental unit I am sitting in as I peck out this Blog Posting.

It looked a lot better in the 42 pictures it showed me online.

The message said...

To enhance your vacation experience Acme Properties of Hilton Head (I changed its name to keep them from suing me) has equipped your vacation rental with me, a Table Top Computerized Voice Assistant. In addition to being able to assist you with booking your complimentary activities, it has incredible discounts and recommendations to the best local restaurants and attractions, as well as access to answers about your vacation rental. Just remember, it will only work within this particular home (So don’t bother stealing it...I added this parentheses.) 

You can ask me questions like,
"Alexa, what are my free activities?" or "Alexa, what is the Wi-Fi password?" or "Alexa, where is the best pizza place?"

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Here are some things to think about...

Ø Think about how many people who own an Amazon Alexa Dot will have their knowledge of the capabilities of Alexa Expanded and go on to tell all their friends and neighbors to buy one!

Ø Think about how many people who don’t have an Amazon Alexa Dot will be exposed to the wonders of an Amazon Alexa Dot and go home and buy an Amazon Alexa Dot and go on to tell all their friends and neighbors to buy one also!

Ø Think about how many Vacation Rental Units there are in the Good Ole USofA who will now feel required to equip all their Vacation Rental Units with an Amazon Alexa Dot to stay competitive!

What I am trying to say is the people who run Amazon are Smart and they know how to make money!

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By comparison think about what is going on every single day in our 9% Approval Rated Congress...

Ø Think about how every day our elected civil servants are elbowing each other out of the way in order to get into Happy Hour first.

Ø Think about how every day they are sitting in meetings where their sole reason for attendance is to deceive us as about what they are doing to us...Tax Increase changed to Revenue Enhancement, Tax Reduction changed to Lost Revenue or Pork Barrel Spending change to Earmarks (What the Heck Is That?).

Ø Think about how they only show up in their respective chambers to make their carefully worded (written by someone else) statements and do their best to not pay attention (ear plugs) to the carefully worded (written by someone else) statements delivered by opposition party members and they all leave as soon as their own carefully worded statements (written by someone else) have been delivered. (Opposition party members present are using ear plugs too. Let's be honest, everyone in the chamber is using ear plugs, including the person taking the word for word minutes of the proceedings for the Congressional Record).

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As I pecked out this Blog Posting I became more and more convinced that Amazon could do a better job of running the country than our Congress is doing running the country. I got so pumped up about this ides that I called up Mr. Amazon and pitched him my idea directly.

At first, he was not convinced but when I told him, “Think about the profit there is in selling Ear Plugs to the Members of Congress!” he said, “I’ll do it!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

 

The Internet just told me about all the Big Ships (both US Navy Ships and Merchant Marine Ships) our Government has in "mothballs" and that got me to thinking. When I get to thinking oftentimes a Blog Posting comes out of me.

Wikipedia...

“The United States Navy maintains a number of its ships as part of a reserve fleet, often called the "Mothball Fleet". While the details of the maintenance activity have changed several times, the basics are constant: keep the ships afloat and sufficiently working as to be reactivated quickly in an emergency.

In some cases (for instance, at the outset of the Korean War), many ships were successfully reactivated at a considerable savings in time and money. The usual fate of ships in the reserve fleet, though, is to become too old and obsolete to be of any use, at which point they are sold for scrapping or are scuttled in weapons tests.

Merchant ships held in reserve are managed as part of the separate National Defense Reserve Fleet within MARAD (US Maritime Administration).”

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It is Fella’s Opinion that Our Rulers ought to take the bull by the horns and put these ships to more productive use than just floating and waiting for another war. They should pass a law that will release all of these ships from mothballs and put them to good use here and now...

Ø Turn them into floating cities.

Ø Fill them up with all the green people who are growing more and more unhappy with the Good Ole USofA every passing day.

Ø This way, no matter how high the seas get, they will never even get the bottom of their feet wet because they will be above it all.

Ø They will also have the added bonus of fair weather all the time because, if the weather starts to look like it’s going to become unfair, they can just sail away to where the weather is more fair.

I can hear you thinking that we need these ships for the emergencies of the future. On that point I think that Congress ought to take Bold Action now to prevent the need for Bold Action in the future. Congress should send a Tweet to all the Mean Governments on Earth telling them in the future we will no longer accept their Meanness and telling them To Be Nice.

That ought to do it.

************

This Blog Posting idea came to me unsolicited from Bionic Bob. He may not remember that he sent it to me because he sent it a long time ago. I filed it away that long time ago and I stumbled across it a short time ago (yesterday).

Because of this Blog Posting Bionic Bob is now as famous as I am famous but that ain’t much, but come to think of it, he is now more famous than all of my other Dear Readers who did not send me any Silly Ideas.

So, if you want to become a little bit famous, send me a Silly Idea and maybe a few people will know who you are someday.

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I also have heard that there are a lot of Cruise Ships that are having a hard time finding Cruising People to sit in them. I think our 9% Approval Rated Silly Congress ought to include these empty Cruise Ships in Bob’s Silly Idea.

However, I would not get your hopes up about getting assigned to one of these Floating Palaces. Remember Congress passes the laws in the Good Ole USofA. I would be shocked if the Cruise Ships were not packed to the gills with Members of Congress and people who “help” Members of Congress all become millionaires while in office who were not millionaires before they were in office.

Did you just ask yourself, “How is it that they all become millionaires?” Let me say this about that, it’s because of something called, Congressional Arithmetic...

Using a Member of the House of Representatives as an easy to understand example...

Ø Net worth when elected = $256,589.

Ø Been in the House 6 years.

Ø Salary each year $174,000.

Ø $174,000 X 6 years = $1,044,000.

Ø If they add their Net Worth when elected ($256,589) to the above 6 Years of the Congressman’s Salary ($1,044,000), Congressional Arithmetic says the Congressman’s New Net Worth is $4,276,793.

More simply stated: $256,589 + $1,044,000 = $4,276,793.

I hope this helps you understand.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Let’s Talk About What’s Inside My Head

Actually the above Subject should be, Let’s Talk About What’s Wrong About What’s Inside the Head Of That Really Smart Guy On My TV.

Maybe it’s my problem but I think it is amazing how confused and uninformed people can be. I am an exception to this problem because my head is full of it (useless information). 

I was watching one of my favorite Smart People on TV and he shocked me about a couple of pieces of Miscellaneous Trivia that he should have known because everyone must know this stuff...Or must they?

Here is what my highly respected smart news show guy did not know. I deliberately will not tell you who he is because you might tell him and he might sue me for letting the word out about how stupid he is. (Never forget there are far more lawyers in the Good Ole USofA than in any other country on Earth and Most of Them Got Only One A Grade in Law School and that course was, "First File Suit & Then Figure Out If You Have A Basis For Filing Suit".)...

• He started talking about a great TV Series from the early days of In-Home Television called Dragnet.
• He said the main character was Joe Webb and, of course, you and I know (or do you?) that the main character was not Joe Webb but was Joe Friday and he was played by Jack Webb.
• He went on the praise the show to high heaven and make a comparison to our world of today by saying Joe Webb worked for the then highly respected Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and, of course, you and I know (or do you?) that Joe Friday worked for the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) back in the time when the LAPD was highly respected.

So what’s the point of all of this?...

• First I wanted give you a taste of those Thrilling Days of Yesteryear when the CIA and the FBI could be trusted to always do the right thing and, if they didn’t, The Lone Ranger and Joe Friday were there to slap them around.
• Second I wanted to expose you to one of the classic comedy sketches from those Thrilling Days of Early TV.

Don’t sue me. Exposing yourself is a crime but exposing you to a funny skit is not...Or is it not?

Click here: https://youtu.be/jgYbogp1Ha0

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Third Posting...It's Silly Season Again

What do I mean about “Silly Season”? It’s the Presidential/Mid-Term Election Cycles, of course...

Exit Polling

Yea, I understand how they do it but what I don't understand is how they get to where they get to once they are done doing it.

I could understand... 

Ø 55% say they voted for this guy.

Ø 45% say they voted for that guy.

It is the specific, exacting and minute detail that I don't understand... 

Ø 42% of the white voters, who went to two years of college, before going on to be left-handed carpenters, voted for this guy.

Ø 63% of fallen-away Catholics, who have been married three times, where the first and third marriages were to the same person, voted for that guy.

Ø 54% of those who voted in the 1992 election, but did not vote in the 1996, nor the 2000 election, but returned to the voting booth in the 2004 and, now, voted in this 2008 election, voted for this guy.

Oh well, so much for Secret Balloting.

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My Fondest Wish

There is no way to fully unite a country as large as the United States but my fondest wish would be that all of us refuse to answer any questions from any political pollster about anything political. Think of the positive results that would come out of an I-Ain't-Gonna-Tell-You-Anything America...

It would drive the politicians absolutely nuts. 

Ø It would prevent politicians from tweaking their latest campaign pitch to address how the public reacted to their prior campaign pitch.

Ø They would be forced to tell us what they really plan to do when elected, instead of telling us what the polls told them they should tell us to get our vote.

Ø They would be forced to think out their own positions and hope for the best.

Ø It would put every polling company out of business.

Ø And finally, since their employees say they are only interested in what's best for America (yea, right), they would then be free to join the Peace Corps (if such a thing still exists). 

It would drive the politicians absolutely nuts.

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One Final Tirade

The silliest one is polls done by a Democrat or a Republican Pollster. Isn’t it strange how the "results" always come out favoring their party's positions? I guess I could be made to believe that the poll did come out in favor of their party's positions but, you will never get me to believe, that any poll that did not favor their party's positions was just not published at all. It's sort of like them saying, "We are going to keep polling the American People until the American People get it right."

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

It Took Me Awhile but I Figured It Out

We have all seen TV Ads for those New and Improved Miracle Shrinking Garden Hoses which, after you turn them off, shrink to a size that can be safely stored in a tooth cavity until the next time you need them. 

I have now bought 3 of them because I was silly enough to believe the TV Commercial that promised me they were New and Improved. Each purchase ended up in disappointment because they all ended up leaking. 

This Blog Posting is here to tell you that #3 is the Hose Caboose...

Ø I had my New and Improved Miracle Shrinking Garden Hose connected to a regular old-fashioned rubber garden hose which was connected to the faucet in the back yard.

Ø Normally I hardly ever go out into my back yard late at night but recently I did.

Ø Normally I don’t worry about birds late at night but this night I decided to put fresh water into the bird bath.

Ø I found the back yard flooded and the water was traveling down each side of the house into the street gutter.

Ø I found that the 2 hoses were still connected and the faucet was turned on but, if you have your garden hose connected to a faucet, and there are no leaks in the hose or hose connections you will not use any water, so where did the flood come from?

Ø I turned on the end of the hose but very little water came out, so where did the flood come from?

Ø I inspected down the New and Improved Miracle Shrinking Garden Hose and found it was leaking water but not a lot of water, so where did the flood come from?

Ø I inspected down the old-fashioned rubber garden hose and found it was kinked up in 3 places.

Ø I unkinked the kinks and the water gushed out of the hole in the New and Improved Miracle Shrinking Garden Hose.

Ø The hose had been in this kinked slow leaking state for 6 to 8 hours and had been slow leaking out of the hole in the New and Improved Miracle Shrinking Garden Hose all that time.

I just got my Water Bill. The prior month it had been $53. This month it was $101. Thank Heaven For The Kinks! Without them the hose would have been gushing full force for those 6 to 8 hours and I shudder to think what the bill would have been.

Irish Fighting A Flood

Since this is the Bottom here are the Bottom Lines...

Don’t Believe Those TV Commercials about the New and Improved Miracle Shrinking Garden Hoses being New and Improved

If You Have One Hooked Up In Your Back Yard, Turn Off the Faucet

If You Do Not Want To Turn Off The Faucet, Set Your Smartphone To Remind You To Check Your New and Improved Miracle Shrinking Garden Hose Every Hour On The Hour 24/7

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

You May Be About To Be A Criminal

 

In the past there existed a bedrock doctrine of Anglo-American Jurisprudence called “Mens Rea”, or “Guilty Mind” or “Criminal Intent”. This by-the-wayside legal terminology held that a person shouldn’t be convicted if he has not shown intent to do something wrong.

This bedrock doctrine has been replaced by the oft-repeated bedrock doctrine made famous by Lamont Cranston (The Shadow) in his 1940s radio broadcasts, “Ignorance of the Law is No Excuse”.

At present there are 4,500 Federal Crimes (and growing). This is a tad more that the Founding Fathers wrote into the Constitution...

1. Treason
2. Piracy
3. Counterfeiting

Since the year 2,000 the number of people sentenced for violation of Federal Laws has reached 788,517 (and growing).

There are also 300,000 regulations (and growing) that go along with these 4,500 Federal Crimes (and growing).

Many people are being convicted for breaking laws they were not aware were laws.

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My newspaper wrote an article about a Building Engineer who is now a Convicted Criminal. Here are the details about him and his “crime”...

Ø Many years ago, in order to escape the world of crime that he grew up in, he took a job making $1.80 an hour in the D.C. Education Department.

Ø In his life thus far he had seen the murder of his 3 brothers and the death of his father from a heart attack (upon hearing about his second son’s murder).

Ø He took facility classes at night to learn about power plants, boiler rooms and maintenance.

Ø He worked for 24 years and in 1993 he had become the Facility Engineer for the Board of Education.

Ø He raised his two youngest daughters alone, determined to show them how to lead a crime-free life.

Ø He committed his Federal Crime working as the Facility Engineer at a large Military Retirement Center.

Ø On occasion when one of his buildings flooded he diverted the backup into storm drains that he thought went into the waste treatment system.

Ø A Justice Department Court acknowledged that he did not know that his diversions actually went into a creek and the creek went into the Potomac River.

Ø Such diversions were a long standing practice at the facility that started long before our Hard Working Facility Engineer Good Citizen became our Facility Engineer Convicted Criminal.

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Another article from my newspaper...

“The federal criminal code has grown so large it ensnares everyday citizens who have no idea they are violating the law, a bipartisan group of legal experts told a House panel”.

What’s the big deal about having a little bit of Criminal Conviction on your record?...

• Applications for jobs, loans and occupational licenses (ranging from plumbers to auctioneers) ask about a person’s criminal record.
• Such convictions can affect...
  >International Travel
  >Joining the Military
  >Can be Disqualifying for Anyone Seeking Federal Employment. (Actually this last one may be the only restriction we presently have on the growth of the Federal Workforce.)
• A stigma can be placed by society against one’s good name (some of us still care about good names).

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Years ago I posted a blog about Congress passing too many laws and how I would be ready to support any incumbent for office who was useless (in a congressional sense) because he had not authored any new laws or regulations. I quote from that blog...

I am coming around to the point of thinking where the incumbent who can verifiably proclaim in his campaign slogan, "I Did Not Do Anything Since You Sent Me to Congress", is the kind of Do-Nothing that will get my vote in the future.

(Sometimes I surprise myself at how smart I am.)

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I’m sure glad Writing About Foolishness is not against Federal Law...Or is it? ... Or is it about to be?

You better hope that Reading About Foolishness is not against Federal Law.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella