One day while watching the Nightly COVID-19 News it hit me like a ton of bricks (whatever that means). The people on the COVID Confusion Committee who are writing the Directives, Recommendations, Requirements, Stipulations, Laws, Regulations and Dictates concerning all things COVID are well versed in how to write Silliness.
Any one of them could be my Foolishness Assistant. It will probably be easy to entice one to come into my employ. Every one of them must be exhausted.
Fella Special Challenge: I made up one of the Guidelines below. Can you guess which one?
Restaurant Guidelines...
- Indoor live entertainment can't be so loud that patrons would need to raise their voices above a conversational level.
- Under Alcoholic Beverage Regulation Administration (ABRA) Regulations, performers must stay six feet away from other performers within a designated “Performance Area”.
- Performance Areas can
hold 10 performers if the performers are Performing Inside or 5 performers if the
performers are performing Outside.
- This has confused many people because it might help cut down on outdoor noise volumes (only 5 performers) but it seems to cut against the public health goal of pushing more people and activities into well-ventilated outdoor spaces.
- At a minimum, Prog Rock Bands (I had to look this one up) playing outside will be put in the impossible position of choosing between their rhythm guitarist and keyboardist.
- All live entertainers must remain masked unless doing so inhibits their ability to perform.
- Unmasked performers, such as vocalists, trombonists (not other blow into musicians?) and harmonica players will have to be 18 feet from seated patrons (ask 10 people to mark 18 feet on a sidewalk with chalk and you will get 10 different sets of chalk marks).
- Their face-covered band mates can get as close as 12 feet.
- No dance floors can be constructed or used for dancing.
- Games like ping pong, pinball, and pool will remain prohibited unless they can be played safely by seated patrons.
- Patrons are now allowed to drink inside but only as long as they are eating.
- Patrons can visit a bar with 10 vaccinated friends but not 12 of them.
>What happened to 11?
>You can’t go to the bar if you have less than 10?
>Does this mean there something especially COVID Dangerous about the number 12, but if you have more than 12, you are OK?
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This Blog Posting is quite long enough but the Summer Camp Guidelines below are to Good...Or is that Bad?...Or is that Foolish? to not tell you about them.
Summer Camp
Guidelines...
Given that summer camps involve both Children and the Outdoors (two factors that render COVID-19 significantly less worrisome) and these Camps will be opening in the wake of widespread nationwide vaccinations, one might have expected the CDC to depart from its characteristic over-caution...Or are you being Silly to expect such a Departure?
- Everyone at the camp—including staff and every kid over the age of two—must wear masks at all times, unless they are eating or swimming.
- They should wear two layers of masks, especially when social distancing is difficult, regardless of whether activities are Indoors or Outdoors.
- Campers should be placed in Cohorts, and their interaction with people outside their Cohort must be limited.
- There should always be at least three feet between campers of the Same Cohort, and six feet between campers of Different Cohorts.
- Staff should keep six feet away from campers at all times, whether Inside or Outside.
- Distance should be maintained while Eating, Napping or Riding on the Bus.
- The use of physical objects that might be shared among kids—toys, art supplies, electronics—should be limited wherever possible.
- Camps should not permit Close-Contact Sports and Indoor Sports, and should Require Masks Regardless.
- There are also Separate Restrictions for Outdoor Gardening.
Rather than try to give people greater normality and freedom, the Silly Rules Writers appear to be doing their best to make May 2021 as similar an experience to May 2020 as possible.
They seem to be threatening us with, “If you don’t cooperate, we are going to write Directives, Recommendations, Requirements, Stipulations, Laws, Regulations and Dictates that will Really Confuse You”.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: I lied to you above when I said I had made up one of the guidelines. The COVID Confusion Committee did ‘em all.
