Your wife is swooshing around the living room wearing the
$3,000 Wide Swath Dress (the black and white spotted one above) she bought when
she and her lady friends went to New York City to see the latest fashions. You
feel the beginning of You-Did-What? Distress Syndrome coming on and you can’t
catch your breath.
Your wife has always been one to be concerned about your
health, so she springs into action. Immediately she recognizes your
distress and she hits you with one of the Make ‘Em Feel Better Soothing Tidbits
that the Fashion Designer who she bought the $3,000 Dress from (Eli
Yousurearestupid) had her memorize right after she signed the Visa Receipt.
She tries out the first Soothing Tidbit on her
wide-eyed husband...
Darling, you need to understand that these sculptural
designs have an urbane sophistication that’s due in part to their relaxed
relationship with the female body.
That did not work, so she immediately tried the second Soothing
Tidbit on her wide-eyed starting to foam from the mouth husband...
Volume in women’s fashion can be read as denoting power. You
see, sweetie pie, the wearing of big clothes is assertive and is a way of
taking up space. “It’s like, ‘I’m here and don’t mess with me,’”
At this point she recognizes that the Soothing Tidbits are
having the opposite of their intended effect as her husband is struggling to
get to his Blood Pressure Medicine.
She begins to fear she is losing him for sure as she recalls
the image of what another disbelieving husband had put into a letter about
these Wide Swath Fashions when he wrote...
...the designers should be “shackled with Chanel chain
belts and force-fed Audrey Hepburn movies until they gained some taste and
appreciation of the female body”.
Do you want to see more Wide Swath Fashions?...
Had enough of more?
This Blog Posting is reaching the Bottom Line and here it
is... If your wife tells you she is going with the girls to NYC to see some Fashion
Shows, here’s what you do as soon as the wheels of the girl’s plane leaves the
ground...
Ø Go
to the nearest Harley-Davidson Motorcycle store and buy that Big One you have
always wanted.
Ø Before
you leave the Cycle Store go into the Accessories Department and buy everything
the commission hungry salesman recommends.
Ø Call
Geico and insure your body, your bike and all your accessories.
Ø Go
back home and sleep the sleep of Great Anticipation.
Ø The
next morning get on your Hog and take a 3 Week Trip out west to see all those
places where John Wayne made all those great movies.
(Word Of caution: On your trip, do not ask any waitress
younger than 40 years old if she knows who John Wayne was because her answer
will certainly cause you to mumble to yourself for the next 15 miles of your ride.)
If you get home and your wife tells you she did not buy
a $3,000 Wide-Swath Dress, give her 2 smiles...
Ø One
smile of Relief and Thanksgiving.
Ø One
smile of remembrance for the wonderful Motor Cycle Trip You and John Wayne had enjoyed
together.
Finally, say a little prayer for all those bugs that died on
your helmet’s faceplate as you merrily rolled along (except for those 15 miles
where you mumbled to yourself).
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
