The president is going around making beaucoup (Louisiana talk for Many, Much, Lots) speeches about our economy. I have a brilliant idea about how he could stimulate the economy of the Good Ole USofA but I’m not going to tell him because I am mad at him.
You probably think I am being unpatriotic by keeping my Economic Wisdom to myself but I have good reason to be this way and that’s because I gave him good advice and he has ignored that good advice.
Within days of him being elected in 2008 I sent him a list of perfectly logical ideas that would have made our country a better place to live in but he has not enacted a single one of my very logical recommendations. He has hurt my feelings, and to be quite honest with you, I have lost a lot of faith in his good judgment.
I’ll give you an example of just one of my brilliant ideas...
Make sports teams with the largest amount of tattoos lose every game.
If you wanna see the whole letter, read the Yellow below. If you remember every word because you have read the list over and over since its publication, skip over the yellow below and continue on with today’s Foolishness which follows...
Dear Mr. New President
Please take into consideration the pressing issues I am directing to your attention by way of this communication…
- Tattoos … Make sports teams with the largest amount of tattoos lose every game.
- Tattoos Again … Until you get legislation passed regarding my tattoo request above, please electronically put those smudges that hide the faces of criminals on the nightly news over all of their tattoos.
- Radio & TV … Require that the announcers on all commercials stop shouting at the American People.
- RAP Artists … Require that they get real names and learn how to spell.
- Handicapped Parking Spots … Require that anyone who parks in a handicapped parking space, that is not handicapped, become handicapped.
- Postal Service … Require that the Counter Agents at the Post Offices smile once an hour.
- Postal Service, Again … Require that Counter Agents not go on break as soon as the number of people waiting in line gets to six.
- Privacy Notices … Stop sending those Privacy Notices every time we turn around and have the heads examined of the three people in the United States who actually do read them.
- Dumb White Guys … Stop TV commercial makers from always depicting the White Males as ignorant buffoons. I find it unrealistic and insulting that we have to always be instructed how to do anything and everything by every other type of species on the planet. This includes other men, women, children and talking animals.
- SUV Drivers … Those SUV Drivers that can't seem to fit their vehicles within the lines of their respective parking spaces should have their SUV taken away and replaced with a Yugo.
Mr. President, I am well aware that you may have one or two more pressing issues on your plate than some of my requests. I trust that you will do your best to get right on what I am asking of you because, I am equally certain, you can see that the need for action on each of these pressing issues is self-evident.
Please do instruct your Chief Of Staff to advise me once these ten have been addressed and I will send you some more.
Would I kid u?
Today’s Brilliant Idea...
My TV told me that last week in Great Britain the celebration that followed the birth of their new prince George Alexander (cuz he was born on the Smartfella’s birthday) Louis resulted in the consumption of $95 Million of Alcohol. That’s a lot of stimulation to the British Economy!
The Talking Head that informed me of the above fact went on to say that there are 55 Million British Type People. In contrast there are over 300 Million Americans. This means, if we had had a baby prince born last week like they had a baby prince born last week, we would have consumed over $500 Million in Alcohol Sales. What a boon to our struggling economy this would have been!
In order to stimulate our economy we ought to get ourselves a King and a very fertile Queen as soon as possible. We ought to not assign them any responsibilities other than the production of little Princes and Princesses.
Imagine more than $500 Million in economic stimulation every 9 months and 3 days! This by itself could turn around our dire economic situation all by itself.
I wonder if our president has any ideas about who should be our first king.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
