I Know Many of My Dear Readers Don’t Give a Hoot About the National Basketball Association but I Do...Or do I?

I am tired of watching a player getting brushed by an opposing player on his collarbone and seeing the brushed player fall to the floor holding his eye as if he is trying desperately to keep his eyeball from coming out of its eye socket.

That’s bad enough but it gets even worse when the referee sees what had occurred and he falls for the player falling to the floor in imitation pain and he blows his whistle while thinking to himself, “Oh my gosh! At first it looked to me as if the brushed player has received an Insignificant Collarbone Brush That Actually Did Not Make Contact With His Collarbone, but I must be wrong, because he fell to the ground in Significant Imitation Agony so this must certainly have been a serious hit because he is screaming that he has been seriously hit.”

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Every time I turn around (and sometimes when I don’t turn around) I hear the announcers saying, “It looks like they (the referees) are going to take a look at this one”.

Some of us think games are too long (I certainly do), and this is the major reason why they are too long...

Ø The games are repeatedly stopped to, “take a look at this one”.

Ø the referees go to the Official Official’s Table on the sidelines to, “take a look at this one”.

Ø A TV Monitor is turned around so they can, “take a look at this one”.

Ø All 3 of the referees’ stare at the monitor for a long time because they are looking at whatever they are looking at from 27 different angles.

Ø Fans go to sleep, announcers go to the rest room, fans at home start shouting at their TVs and monks in abbeys start praying for football season to start.

Ø The players who were on a hot streak cool off.

Ø The players who were getting the puntuck (I made that up) kicked out of them recover and they go on a hot streak if ever the game starts again because the players who were on a hot streak have cooled off.

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The most Stupid of Stupid’s is when we hear the announcer saying, “He thinks he was fouled!?” 

Fella says, “He thinks he was fouled?! Huh? They think they are fouled whenever an opposing player gets within 2 feet of them.”

If all the players were given whistles and allowed to call fouls when they thought they were fouled, the games would last days instead of hours because the clock would never run for more than 5 seconds before a player would blow his whistle and play would stop so the referees could go to the Official Official’s Table to, “take a look at this one”.

Michael Jordan would never have been the great player he was because he always played with his tongue sticking out of his mouth when he was about to make another one of his jaw-dropping miracle shots. It would have thrown His Greatness off his game if he had a whistle in his mouth and he had to keep his tongue in his mouth behind his whistle. It would have put a hitch in his get along and he would have ended up being called “His Average” instead of “His Greatness”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: I am going to start this Blog Posting over from the very beginning and this time I will not get carried away and exaggerate…Or am I going to?

 

Training Your Employees To Be Trained Employees

I like fried chicken. I have a used-to-be-favorite fried chicken fast food chain where the fried chicken isn’t as good as it used to be. Every so often, I go back to see if they have remembered how they used to fry good tasting fried chicken. So far, they have not remembered but I keep hoping.

As I walked up to my used-to-be-favorite fried chicken store, I saw the manager outside picking up cigarette butts. I’ve seen him picking cigarette butts up before and long ago I figured out he’s outside picking up butts because he’s afraid to go inside because of what his chicken sellers might be doing that he can’t bear to watch them doing.

In times past he has been very open with me about his never-ending battle to train his chicken sellers to know what the heck they are doing. He once told me about an interaction he overheard between a chicken customer and one of his chicken sellers who, up to that point, he thought was one of his best chicken sellers…

• The customer had rung up a tab of $17.80.
• The register’s computer was not working, and his chicken seller was baffled about how much change to give to the customer who was anxious to get to eating his chicken because it was getting cold.
• His chicken seller said to his customer, “I can’t give you your change because the register’s computer is down and it will not tell me how much change to give you”.
• The hungry customer said, “Give me $2.20”.
• The chicken seller looked flabbergasted and said to the hungry customer, “You did that in your head?!”

I then went into the store to get my almost free chicken. First, I got to tell you why my chicken was almost free. If a customer takes the chain’s satisfaction survey online, they get a code that allows them to get 2 pieces of chicken and a biscuit if they buy a big soda (the soda is the almost free part).

I showed the chicken seller my sales slip with my code written on it. (Some parts of my Blog Postings are made up but this part is not made up.) The chicken seller looked at the coded sales slip and said, “What’s that?”

At that moment I had full appreciation of the manager’s battle to train his employees.

Oh yea, the part about the $2.20 change in the head calculation was also not made up, although it did not happen in a chicken store.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: If you have not bought one or two of my books lately and you want to buy one or two or you have a friend or enemy you want to buy one or two for, go to https://www.amazon.com/Foolishness-Alexander-J-Ortolano-ebook/dp/B00AJ3IYI8/ref=sr_1_1? and buy one or two.

 

Father Used to Know Better

Father used to be the Family Hero.

There once was a popular TV Show (1954-1960) named "Father Knows Best". That was a different time. No one got upset that the show was named “Father Knows Best”. Were Fathers different back in 1954-1960? I think not. The Good Ole USofA was different back in 1954-1960.

The show followed the lives of the Andersons, a middle-class family in the fictional town of Springfield. It centered on Jim Anderson, a wise and caring father played by Robert Young, and his common-sense wife Margaret Anderson, portrayed by Jane Wyatt.

(Fella to Fella, be careful about what you are about to peck out.)

You might remember Fella is The Noticer. For example, since 1960 the Father has literally taken the Proverbial Back Seat in many things. Recently there was a car commercial that proved my point. You probably saw the commercial, but you did not Notice what I Noticed…

• The commercial starts when a family of 7 arrives by plane at any airport.
• They rented a big SUV sized car.
• As the happy family drives away from the airport the Mother is the driver.
• One child is in the passenger seat.
• Three children are in the middle seats.
• In the Way Back Seat sits the Father and the smallest child.

In 1954 to 1960 the Father would have been the driver, but that was then, and this is now. Fathers don’t drive the family vehicle near as much now as they did back then.

Back then the Father would have proudly loaded up his happy family and drove them to their happy vacation. Now he cowers way back in the Way Back.

That’s progress…Or is it?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: It could have been worse. The commercial could have had this dialog:

• We should have brought Father.
• We did bring him.
• Where is he?
• He's in the Way Back way back in the back somewhere.

Don’t Blame Forrest Gump

Did you just say, “What did Forrest Gump say? How soon we forget. I’ll jog your memory. Forrest Gump said, “Stupid Is as Stupid Does”.

Did you just say, you are not going to be swayed by someone who did not exist and Forrest Gump did not exist?

You may have a point there but what if I gave you another well-known used to be familiar character who did not exist to lend support to Forrest for what Forrest said? Would you be swayed by reading quotes from two Never-Was-Characters and thereby convince you to change your mind?

Allow me to dredge up Pogo to remind you of who our real enemy is. You know you can trust Pogo…Or do you?

Pogo said, “We Have Met the Enemy and He Is Us”

Did you just say, “What was a Pogo?” OK, but this is the last time I will let you distract me. I will answer you this one last time and then I will have to move onto explaining who the real enemy is.

Pogo was a Cartoon Character. He was an Anthropomorphic (ascribing human form or attributes to a being or thing not human) Opossum. (if “Opossum” is spelled with an “O”, why don’t we say the “O”?)

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This is the longest I have ever blogged without getting into the actual Blog Posting but here I go…

• Is it smart to tell your enemy what your weaknesses are?
• You don’t have to be real smart to say, “No, you don’t do that!”
• In the last few days our News Media has repeatedly been discussing on TV the fact that the Good Ole USofA may be about to run munitions (bullets, bombs, missiles, drones, etc.).
• Is telling our enemy what our weaknesses are a smart thing to do?
• Fella thinks not!
• Wait a minute. I may be jumping to unnecessary conclusions.
• This would only be a problem if the enemy had TVs and we all know that our enemy does not have TVs…Or do they not?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Smudges Are Everywhere

Have you noticed how many times you go to something on your handheld devices that looks interesting, but once you get there, you find that you can’t see much of anything because there are smudges all over everything of interest?

There was a video recently of a high school student who had pulled a knife in school and was causing chaos but all you could see was the chaos…

• There was shouting like, “He got a knife!” repeatedly.
• The were people running around very fast.
• I am not sure if there were people running around or not because all I could see was Smudges sliding around very fast.
• I say Sliding Around because I could not see the smudged people’s feet because these were Complete Smudges which means the feet of the Smudges were smudged also.
• I may be wrong in what I said in the above bullet because I’m not entirely sure if Smudges have feet.
• Did I say there was Chaos?
• Did I say there was repeated shouting, “He got a knife!”?
• Yes, I know I did but I’m saying it again because the chaos is still with me.

What I did not get from the video was anything concrete like…

• Did he stab anyone?
• Did he get away?
• Were they not able to identify him at all because he was smudged and he was completely obscured?
• Did he simply go back to his seat and sit down and read one of those long apologies that he got from the Internet’s Apologies R Us Web Site that all those Hollywood Stars use so often?
• Did he die because of Smudge Suffocation?
• Did his parents sue everyone in the video for chasing him all around and getting him all upset.
• Did his parents sue everyone in the video contending their son was not responsible for all of the bad things he did because he suffered from bad parenting?

All this confusion reminds me of the baby abduction I saw several years ago that was recorded by street security cameras…

• A mother was walking down the street with a baby in her arms and her other two small walking children.
• A bad guy ran up and took the baby from her and started running up the street.
• The two walking children started chasing the bad guy up the street.
• The security cameras recorded the bad guy with baby in his arms and the two walking (now running) children in hot pursuit.
• Are you thinking, this is great because the bad guy was going to be easy to identify because he was being recorded as he ran...Or was he?
• The TV Station smudged out the bad guy’s running face!

Was the TV Station afraid that it was going to be sued by the bad guy? ... That could not be! ... Or could that not be?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Is It, A Republic, If You Can Keep It! … Or Is It, A Toothbrush, If You Can Keep It?

Upon exiting the Constitutional Convention Benjamin Franklin was approached by a group of citizens asking what sort of government the delegates had created. His answer was: "A republic, if you can keep it."

I just bought a high-powered toothbrush that is so wonderful the manufacturer of the toothbrush felt obligated to charge me a lot of money.

As is usually the case, the toothbrush comes with an Owner’s Manual. Because someone back in times past invented lawyers, the Owner’s Manual starts off with page after page of Threats (If you don’t read and abide by these threats, you could be seriously injured or seriously die) and Warnings (A bunch of warnings about everything you can imagine and a bunch you could never have imagined) ...

The Warnings… There are 12 Warnings. I will not list all 12 but I must admit that I am a bit baffled by number 11… “The maximum altitude of use is 4500 meters”.

The Medical Warnings… There are 5 Medical Warnings. I found number 4 very interesting… “If you have medical concerns, consult your doctor before you use this appliance”. Medical Concerns? What could possibly medically concern you about a toothbrush?

The Battery Safety Instructions… There are 13 Battery Safety Instructions. I started to not even look at these, but by now I had become a bit unnerved and confused, so I looked. I wish I had not looked. I saw things like…

>Do not place this product or its battery in a microwave oven (I ask you, who is going to take the battery out of their toothbrush and put it into a microwave oven?

>Keep product and battery away from fire (No kidding!)

>Do not expose the battery to direct sunlight (This greatly disappointed me because I had been so looking forward to brushing my teeth outdoors).

I was compelled to analyze the above bullet point in more depth because this one is Foolishness of The Highest Order…
     >To expose the battery to direct sunlight it must be removed from the toothbrush.
     >Getting the battery out of the toothbrush is a herculean task.
     >The Owner’s Manual has 2 pages of instructions explaining how to remove the battery.
     >The removal instructions are laid out into 17 separate paragraphs.
     >To remove the battery, one needs a towel or cloth, a hammer, and a flat-head screw driver.
     >At one point you are told, “Hold the top of the handle with one hand and strike the handle housing 0.5 inches above the handle end. Strike firmly with a hammer on all 4 sides to eject the end cap. Note: You may have to hit on the end several times to break the internal snap connections.”

    You should understand that your toothbrush is now broken and will never work again. Which make one wonder why you went to all this effort to expose your battery to direct sunlight…Or will you wonder?

Wow! The lawyers who had assembled this Owner’s Manual must have been afraid of their collective own shadows!

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This next one got my Foolishness…Or Is It? juices flowing and inspired me to write this Blog Posting…

Changes or modifications not expressly approved by us could void the user’s authority to operate the equipment.

What the heck does this mean?

Could they really void my authority to use my own very expensive toothbrush?!

This causes my now completely confused mind to wonder…

• I thought because I had paid for my toothbrush I not only had the right to use it, but I also had the right to keep it if I wanted to keep it.
• Does this mean they have a right to come into my house and take my toothbrush away from me?
• How would they know I did what I was not allowed to do, especially since they have now confused me to the point that I can’t figure out what it is that I’m not allowed to do?
• If I am in mid-brush, when they break down my door, will I be allowed to finish my brush?
• This makes me think I really ought to only use my toothbrush outdoors, at least that would save me the expense of having to replace my broken-down door.
• Is it possible that all these words I don’t understand add up to a Preemptive Breaking and Entering Search and Seizure Authorization?

I wish Benjamin Franklin was not dead. I’m beginning to feel that he’s the only one I can trust.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Who Said Health Clubs Do Not Do Foolish Things?

I did not have my Potted Plant Outfit on this trip to my health club. If I had had it, I could have pecked out a Blog Posting in minute detail about how Nestor (the club’s small jobs employee associate) messed up this small job. Instead, I will make up what must have happened. Fear not I can make up happenings where I was not present that are so accurate it’s as if I were present.

Ø Nestor's Supervisor said to Nestor, “Nestor, go to shower #4 and attach this stick-on hook to the wall right outside the shower so members can have their towel waiting for them to use when they finish their shower”.

Ø Nestor said to Nestor's Supervisor, “Sometimes I think you go out of your way to give me all the hard jobs!”

Ø Nestor's Supervisor said to Nestor, “You are right there, Nestor, you have special skills and we try to make use of those skills as often as possible. Please hurry there might be a member looking for a place to hang his towel as we speak.”

Fella says to his Dear Readers, I leave it up to you to decide. Did Nestor do a good job...Or did he not?

Would I kid u?
Smartfella

Lagniappe: Can you believe that the manager of my health club turned me down when I recommended this name change for his club? … Staying Healthy Is Enough To Kill You. 😊

Holiday Bargain

On Martin Luther King Day my wife and I walked into a local Chinese Buffet restaurant that we had walked into many times before. We thought we knew the price we were going to have to pay for lunch but that day the price was a shock to us.

The first thing we saw was a large handwritten sign next to the podium that the Little Asian Lady who would show us to our seats usually hides behind because she is a Small Asian Lady. 

As soon as I saw the handwritten sign I looked toward the hiding podium, but I could not see the Little Asian Lady because she was really hiding behind the hiding podium today.

I don't think I would have been surprised to find out Asians had respect for Martin Luther King but the degree of their respect for him was a surprise to me.

They had so much respect for Martin Luther King that they had raised their price by $8.00 above their usual price to a whopping $21.00!

It was at this point that the Little Asian Lady stuck her head around the side of the hiding podium, and she said one single word, "Holiday".

Maybe my problem is I don't understand Asian Customs and Traditions. Maybe in Asia it is a sign of Respect to charge more money if you are selling something to a person you respect. 

That's it! Maybe they were charging me more because they respected me and it just happens to be a Holiday.

What do I know, in Asia it might even be an insult to charge someone you respect the usual common ordinary low price.

That must be it...Or is it?

On the other hand, if this is the case, why does the Little Asian Lady feel compelled to hide behind the Hiding Podium while she says, "Holiday" to me?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

What If Fella Had Not Made It Back from Vietnam?

November 12, 1965, was the closest I came to being killed in Vietnam.

If I had been killed on November 12, 1965, most of my family members would never have been born and those who were born would have had their lives dramatically changed. 

Here are those who would not have been born (as of this point in time): a son, another son, a granddaughter, a grandson, another grandson, another granddaughter, another granddaughter, another granddaughter, another grandson, another grandson, another grandson, another granddaughter, another grandson, a great grandson and a great granddaughter.

Did the above paragraph confuse you? Well get ready, you ain’t seen nothing yet because Fella is about to really confuse you (and him).

My first daughter was already born but without me going to work for American Motors who sent me to live in Michigan, who knows where my wife and my first two children would have lived. Probably not in Michigan. My first daughter met her never-would-have-met-him-husband because one summer she went to work on Mackinac Island in Michigan because we had lived in Michigan because American Motors had sent me to live in Michigan and she had learned there was an island way up high in Michigan named Mackinac Island while we lived in Michigan. She met her future husband because she saw him working in the window of a Fudge Shop on Mackinac Island. Had she not been on Mackinac Island to meet him, my grandchildren from that marriage, a granddaughter, a grandson and another grandson would not have been born.

My second daughter  would have been born but would never have met her never-met-him-husband because she might have been in Arizona where she was born or in Florida where her grandparents moved after I was killed (my wife was living with her parents while I was in Vietnam), therefore, my daughter would never have met her never-met-him-husband who was living in Georgia watching football games while my daughter might have been living these or other places. This all means a granddaughter, another granddaughter, another granddaughter, a great grandson and a great granddaughter would never have been born (as of this point in time). 

My son who never-was-born never met and married his never-could-have-been-his-wife because he was never born. This means a grandson, another grandson and another grandson would never have been born.

My other son who never-was-born never met and married his never-could-have-been-his-wife because he was never born. This means a granddaughter and a grandson would never have been born.

I’m sure you can now see (or am I certain) this all means a never-could-have-been-my-son-in-law, a never-could-have-been-my-daughter-in-law and another never-could-have-been-my-daughter-in-law would all be wandering around looking for their never-could-have-met-them-mates. 

One of my never-was-born-grandsons married my never-could-have-met-her-daughter-in-law, but, since he was never born, that never-could-have-met-her-daughter-in-law would be wandering around looking for my never-was-born-grandson.

Repeat the above paragraph for another never-was-born-grandson.

One of my never-was-granddaughters is engaged to a never-going-to-be-my-grandson-in-law, so my never-going-to-be-my-grandson-in-law would be wandering around looking for my never-was-born-granddaughter. 

Repeat the above paragraph for another of my never-was-born-granddaughters who has a boyfriend who is never going to be my grand-boyfriend-in-law. 

I told you I was going to confuse you.

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If Vietnam Veterans meet up, they are very likely to say, “Welcome home, brother”.

I’m different because I say, “I’m glad you made it back”.

This Blog Posting also has me very confused, however, I’m certainly not confused when I say I’m certain all of the people described in this Confusing Foolishness ought to say to me, “I’m glad you made it back”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: This is the longest time between Blog Posting on record. The reason be apparent to you now that you have tried to read your way through this Blog Posting. I have been trying to figure out what I have been trying to say.

I first did this Blog Posting in 2009. It is time for a redo. It Is Also the Time of Year for THIS PARTICULAR Redo.

By way of this Foolishness…Or Is It? I am formally offering each of you the opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a Sure-Fire Money-Making New Venture aptly named...GrandmaNearYou.com. If you are one to quickly see a financially sound opportunity, you will be writing a check before you get to the end of this Foolish Blog Posting.

Back when my Mother used to visit us for various holidays, we flew her to wherever we were living at that time...Los Angeles or Detroit or Milwaukee or Detroit (again) or Atlanta or Los Angeles (again) or Atlanta (again).

Our family was always excited to see her, especially since she was sure to be carrying 5 pounds of my Grandfather’s Secret Recipe Italian Sausage and several jars of Ma Brown Kosher Dill Pickles (Since I left New Orleans in 1975 I have never found Ma’s Pickles).

The silly company which bought out the company that made Ma Brown's Kosher Dill Pickles quickly decided to take out the Spicy. 

Fella Comment: This proved it was a silly/stupid company. 

Fella Wonders: Fella wonders how much money the new silly/stupid company spent on Focus Groups trying to figure out why the New Pickles did not sell as well as the Old Pickles. 

Another Fella Comment: They should have asked me and saved all that Focus Group money because the Spicy was what made them better.

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On one of these Grandma’s Coming To Visit visits, as my family and I sat waiting in the airport for her to deplane, I took note of all the Grandmas who were arriving from all over the United States who had flown in for the holiday. The idea for this Sure-Fire Money-Making New Venture hit me like a thunderbolt!

Why not use some of this computer technology we were now developing to locate a Grandma that is closer to where our family lives and bring this, more convenient, Grandma over for the holiday?

Our too-far-away Grandma would not go unappreciated. She certainly would be grabbed quickly by some local family looking to save a wad of money on airfare. We would certainly be glad to testify that she would be a delight to have over because we really liked having her around.

I am not being heartless because the Grandma that you had been intending to fly in, at great expense, would now very likely just have to go a few blocks to her new nearby Holiday Family. Other benefits for the Stay Near Home Grandmas are too numerous to list in their entirety but here are a few of the obvious ones…

• She would not have to pack and unpack her suitcases.
• She would not have to stop the newspaper.
• She would not have to stop the mail.
• She would not have to put the dog or cat in a kennel.
• She would not have to get herself to the airport.
• She would not have to suffer the humiliation of being frisked while that guy with the two-foot-long beard wearing a robe walked right by in his flip flops.
• She would not have to have to take off her shoes during the freaking frisking process.
• She would not have to sit in a cramped airplane for hours (because you were cheap and you did not buy her a first-class ticket).
• She would not have to eat airline snacks (they used to get actual food that Grandma would not have to eat).
• She would not have to be endangered by terrorists.
• She would not have to sleep on an unfamiliar bed and pillow while visiting.
• She would not have to fly back home and again be exposed to all the above airline persecutions.

Heaven knows there are a lot of American Males who would jump at the opportunity to have a different Mother-In-Law for a change.

Variety could also be added to your family’s holiday because your new Grandma would introduce your family to her own special cooking talents.

Again, computer technology could be used to make this a Win-Win Proposition for all involved by using computer technology to tailor make your conveniently located grandma. The form where you applied for your substitute Grandma would allow you to fine tune your replacement Grandma. You would be able to pick from one of the following:

• Black hair
• Brown hair
• Red hair
• Grey hair
• Blue hair

You would be able to specify a cooking specialty:

• Italian
• Mexican
• Spanish
• German
• Chinese

You would be able to select a nationality:

• Italian
• Mexican
• Spanish
• German
• Chinese
• Anything but French

The potential of this brilliant (if I do say so myself) idea is boundless! This may be your best chance to become one of the Filthy Rich.

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Become a Charter Owner of GrandmasNearYou.com today! Don't let this opportunity pass you by! Send your check to:
GrandmaNearYou.com
c/o The Smartfella?
What A Deal, GA 30096

Dig deep! The bigger your check the bigger will be your percentage of ownership of GrandmaNearYou.com permitting you to become filthy sooner than other slower investors.

Would I kid you?

Smartfella

 

I Don’t Like You but I Really Hate My Management for Trying to Make You Think I Like You.

Here is a Blog Posting of mine from April 9, 2010…

Making Clerks Friendlier

This is from The Philadelphia Inquirer … The state's Liquor Control Board is spending more than $173,000 to try to make workers friendlier and more well-mannered at the nearly 650 stores it operates. The board says it wants to make sure clerks are saying "hello," "thank you" and "come again" to customers shopping for wine and spirits.

A Harrisburg good-government activist said it's, “a sad state of affairs when you have to train people to be kind and courteous”.

This is what Fella thinks about this sad state of affairs…

If we don’t act now, we will find ourselves having to spend even more money to train clerks to…

• Give the customers back their change.
• Give the customers the bags (paper or plastic) containing what they have bought.
• On cold days keeping the doors to the stores unlocked during their work shift because clerks had started locking the doors to prevent cold air from rushing in and giving them a chill.*

Would I kid u?

************

If Target’s management had read my blog from 2010 they might have thought better before issuing their 2025 Be Nice to Our Customers Directive.

Here is what Target’s Management thought was a No-Brainer Directive that no one, including their current employees, would object to…

• A new staff policy at Target, part of a program called 10-4, is forcing employees to engage with customers more.
• Fella says notice it said “forcing” and it appears force is going to be necessary.

• Employees within 10 feet of a customer are now required to smile, make eye contact, wave, and use “friendly, approachable and welcoming” body language.
• What is “friendly, approachable and welcoming” body language?

• Staff within a four-foot radius of a shopper must also personally greet the customer and initiate a warm, helpful interaction.
• Fella thinks they will start making sure they stay 5 feet away from customers.

• The company said that the new program is an attempt to elevate the shopping experience for patrons, making them feel truly appreciated.
• With the resentment shown below, Fella wonders if they are really appreciated.

• Target said, “We know when our guests are greeted, feel welcomed and get the help they need that translates to guest love and loyalty”.
• Fella thinks it may translate into guest love and loyalty, but at this point it is generating employee hate and resistance.

After the comments that came back from Current Target Employees (see below), Current Management has headed back to the drawing board.

Employees sounding off online about the new policy makes Fella think the 10-4 Plan is likely to backfire…

• “Who the f–k is waving at guests?”
• “If I was [sic] a shopper, I would find that creepy.”
• “Who the heck waves? I’ve never waved at a guest and would feel so uncomfortable doing so.”
• One worker mocked the policy, saying the person who came up with it is “obviously an alien” and should be “investigated” by U.S. authorities.
• “There is no way they’ve lived on this planet for years and think waving is a completely natural thing to do with guests!”
• “Nothing says ‘corporate joy’ like a mandatory smile.”

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Back at the beginning of this Blog Posting, we were told of the good intentions of Pennsylvania’s state's Liquor Control Board when it thought it was a good idea to spend more than $173,000 to try to make workers friendlier and more well-mannered.

Fella’s advice to Current Target Managements is… Have you ever heard of A Drop in The Bucket? $173,000 is not near enough to get your Modern Target Employees to be nice. If you said the word “nice” to any of them, they would whip out their Smartphone and Google the word.

On the other hand, don’t get carried away with how much you do spend. No amount of money is likely to fix this problem. Go back above and read the last six bullets. Do you really think these employees sound fixable?

I have another idea. Call the Pennsylvania State Liquor Control Board and ask how their $173,000 investment worked out. If they come back with an evasive answer like, “Our sales did not go down”, remember they were selling booze and you are selling Nespresso Pods, Underwear and Mints.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Fella wondered if those fellows running Pennsylvania’s state's Liquor Control Board were that bright to begin with when he learned they spent another $173,000 trying to figure out why winter sales results were so much lower than summer sales results even after they found out that their employees had started locking the doors in winter.

I Know How to Prevent a Government Shutdown from Starting, And If One Somehow Got Started by Accident, I Know How to Get It Shut Down So Quickly History Will Never Know It Got Started Accidently

 

It’s a 3 Step Process but the 1st Step and the 2nd Step are the only ones that count, so forget I said anything about Step 3.

Step 1: Congress Will Not Get Paid for as long as the Shutdown Lasts.

Step 2: Congress Will Not Get Reimbursed for the time that the Shutdown was Shut Down after the Shutdown is over.

Do you see why Step 3 was thrown into the ashbin of history?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Are You Wise? If You Are, Heed My Words. What Are My Words? Don’t Dare Go Driving Around Up There!

From the get-go of this Blog Posting I will admit, last month I was not wise because I was Silly. I actually drove around in the Northeast of the Good Ole USofA.

That begs this question, how do those that drive to and from work in the Northeast make it back home alive day after day? 

Said another way...

• I wonder how many times a year does a Northeastern Driver call into work and say, “I’m terribly sorry but I can’t come in today. I’m afraid to go out there”. 
• The office says, “What do you mean ‘out there’? What are you afraid of?” 
• The scaredy cat says, “Them!” 
• The office says, “Oh, I understand”.

Potholes…

I now believe that every pothole in the Good Ole USofA is in the Northeast. There is a lot of money to be made by a Smartfella who opens a series of Repair Shops named, Alignments "Я" Us. 

On the other hand, it may be that they are not bothered by potholes. They drive so fast that their tires do not sink into potholes. They just zip over them.

They All Hated Me...

It was quickly obvious to me why every other driver around me was mad at me. It was because I was only going 15 miles per hour over the posted speed limit. If you only drive 15 miles per hour over the posted speed limit, every other driver will blow his horn as he speeds past you, and he will glare at you as he goes by.

State Governments Actually Employ Horn Blowers to Blow Their Horns…

Allow me to explain... 

• These Horn Blowers are everywhere.
• I probably can’t prove they are everywhere but in my personal experience I can testify that there was always one of them behind me.
• The Departments of Transportation equip the Horn Blower’s cars with electronic devices mounted on their dashboards that constantly scan for drivers who dare to think while they drive.

Allow me to explain... 

• If you are a driver who comes up against a toll booth and for a slit second you get confused and don't know what to do, one of these horn blowing drivers is certain to be behind you and he is certain to angrily blow his angry horn at you because you dared to pause and think what you should do next. 
• The Rule of the Road up here is...When in Doubt, Smash the Accelerator!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: The mugging is so bad up there that the muggers are offering the mugged half of what they lost in the mugg, if the mugged will walk the mugger safely back home.