I know what you have been thinking. You have been wondering how it is that I have not commented on Black Friday. This annual madness is certainly one of the most Foolish things we engage in every year. Well wonder no more. Here it comes.
They are responsible. They did this to us. They got together with them (the same bunch that puts potholes in our collective streets) and decided to do this to us.
They knew that the key to success was to use the word “bargain”. The folks back home cannot resist a bargain. Once we knew there were bargains to be had, we were toast.
Let’s call him Homer. I read in my newspaper about Homer and his bargain gathering during last week’s Black Friday Rampage. He is a Bargain Hunting Machine ... Or is he?
Homer has bargain hunting down to a science...
- He prints out maps of the interior layout of the stores so he will not waste any seconds turning down the wrong aisles as he gathers up his bargains.
- He has assistant bargain hunters standing in line for him at various bargain stores.
- Other assistants push extra bargain collection carts behind him to hold his bargains as he swishes through the various aisles of his various stores.
- He uses his bargain hunting assistants to stand in line to pay for his bargains so he can dart off to other stores where his Standing-In-Line Assistants have been standing in line for him.
- he article reports that among his most coveted bargains this year were a Trampoline, a Giant Bean Bag Chair and a Toy Peddle Car.
The guy is a bargain hunting genius ... Or is he?
This mental midget was interviewed about his bargain gathering. In the interview he said he did not know the original prices of most of the things he bought. He figured he was saving 20% to 40%.
They have won. We have lost. The Homers out there don’t even check to find out what the original cost of what they harvest on Black Friday is. They have convinced us that everything is a bargain on Black Friday.
I always feel obligated to predict the future for my dear readers. Here is what I see coming...
Homer will one day walk out of a store on Black Friday clutching a $2,000 Etch a Sketch and saying to himself, “Self, it certainly must be a real bargain because I bought it on Black Friday”.
Would I kid u?
