The Convenience Store Clerk Has Been Dreading This Moment Throughout His Convenience Store Clerking Career

It is 3 o’clock in the morning. The Convenience Store Clerk is working alone. He always gets nervous working these night shifts. Then it happens! This is the moment he has always feared. A man walks into the store with a mask on and the clerk panics...

• Oh no!
• What am I going to do?
• Should I duck under the counter, grab my gun and start shooting?
• Did I remember to load the gun after I cleaned it right before I came to work at midnight?
• Should I put my hands up?
• Should I open the cash register and give him everything that is in it?
• Is he going to ask me to open the safe in the back room?
• The owner never gave me the combination!
• Will he believe I don’t know the combination?
• Woe is me, I’m going to die!

That’s the scenario from the past. This is the Coronavirus Scenario. It is 3 o’clock in the morning. The store clerk is working alone. He always gets nervous working these night shifts. Then it happens. The moment he has always feared. A man walks into the store with a mask on and the clerk thinks to himself...

Thank heaven he has a mask on!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

The Framers of Our Constitution Were More Than Just Smart

The Framers of our Constitution were Smart People. Not only were they smart but they were also Time Smart. By Time Smart I mean they could look into the future and see the results of what they had Framed.

They foresaw that membership in our Congress should be Term Limited. They saw that, if members stayed in Congress for decades, that longevity could result in a Congressional Approval ratings of 9%.

The framers believed members would serve short stints before returning to private life to be governed by their own legislative handiwork.

That’s why the House was set up to serve only 2 year terms. This arrangement meant the Representatives would return to the Real World before they learned too much about Lying, Cheating and Stealing.

That’s also why the Senate was set up to serve 6 year terms. The Senator’s 4 extra years would lend stability to the Congress but they would have to return to the Real World before they would be able to do too much damage with their newly acquired Lying, Cheating and Stealing Skills.

Yes, going back to be governed by their own legislative handiwork was very important. If later they ever got elected for a return term in Congress they would remember the problems generated by their own legislative misdeeds. Through experience they would be more cognizant of the effects legislation has on the Folks Back Home because they had actually been a Folk and were soon going to be a Folk again.

************

Time has proven that we have not listened to our Smart Framers. Members of our Congress come to Washington, D.C. and end up staying for Decades. I found a chart (below) entitled, “List of Members of the United States Congress by Longevity of Service”. Here are a few nuggets of interest from that chart...

• 9 members of Congress have served over 50 years.
• 56 members of Congress have served 40 years or more.
• 224 members of Congress have served 30 years or more.
• Of top 50 longest serving only 5 left office because they had been defeated for re-election...
  >The rest either died in office or resigned and then tried to find their way back to the place where the Folks Back Home they were always talking about lived.
  >Some of them ended up in the wrong States (GPS Systems in their cars has greatly reduced the number of Wandering Congressmen we have seen in recent years). 
  >Some of them were so daunted about the task of remembering where they were from they just stayed in D.C. area and faded away.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: If you wanna see the chart for yourself, click below... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_members_of_the_United_States_Congress_by_longevity_of_service

 

 

A Simple Way to Stop Protests

All protests across the Good Ole USofA could be stopped immediately if we get our 9% Approval Rated Congress to pass a law that Prohibits Protesters from Shouting at Anything or Anybody.

Examples of what they shout at...

Ø Police

Ø City Officials

Ø Their Shoes

Ø Federal Officials

Ø Trees

Ø Firemen

Ø Other Protesters

Ø The Sky

Ø Stores they are about to loot before they break into them to replenish their supply of looted stuff

Without the Shouting they would become a Confused Herd of Silent Shouters Aimlessly Wandering all over the Fruited Plain.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Today We Are Here To Witness A Titanic Struggle Between Bill and Justin!

Do you know who Bill Frist is? You say you don’t. I say don’t feel bad. He probably doesn’t know who you are either.

Wikipedia knows Bill Frist and here are the first 3 paragraphs of what Wikipedia has to say about him... 

“William Harrison Frist (born February 22, 1952) is an American physician, businessman and politician who served as United States Senator from Tennessee from 1995 to 2007. A heart and lung transplant surgeon by occupation, he was Senate Majority Leader from 2003 to 2007. He is a member of the Republican Party.

Born in Nashville, Tennessee, Frist studied health care policy at Princeton University and interned for U.S. Representative Joe L. Evins. Rather than going directly into politics, Frist earned a Doctor of Medicine degree from Harvard Medical School, becoming a surgeon at Massachusetts General Hospital and several other hospitals. In 1994, he defeated incumbent Democratic Senator Jim Sasser; he pledged to only serve two terms.

After serving as Chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, Frist succeeded Tom Daschle as the Senate Majority Leader. Frist helped pass several parts of President George W. Bush's domestic agenda, including the Jobs and Growth Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2003 and PEPFAR. He was also a strong proponent of the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act and a prominent advocate of tort reform. Frist left the Senate in 2007, honoring his commitment to serve no more than two terms”

He left the Senate after 2 terms because he said before he started his first term that he would not serve more than 2 terms. Keeping his word like this angered and mystified the other Senators.

Ø Senator Foghorn Leghorn was mystified saying, “Son, I say son, what are you thinking? Keeping your word like this is unheard of in this here Senate! The folks back home are going to expect some of the rest of us to start keeping our word also. I say good riddance to you. It’s Senators like you that could give the Senate a good name!”

Ø Senator Yosemite Sam was angry (he is always angry) and he said, “What in tarnation are you doing! My folks back home (wherever that is) have been asking me to leave office for decades. I have always ignored them. Do you know how hard I am going to have to work to ignore them in future decades?”

Since Bill Frist left the Senate he has served as an adjunct professor of Cardiac Surgery at Vanderbilt University. As a leading authority on healthcare, Senator Frist speaks nationally on health reform, government policy, global health, education reform, and volunteerism. In 2019 he launched “A Second Opinion” podcast, which addresses challenging healthcare issues of today from three distinct vantage points: policy, medicine, and innovation.

An example of the kind of thought provoking videos he produces is this one about the Coronavirus... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlWH3z3pToc

This informative video was published on 3/25/20 and in the following 5 months it has been viewed only 240 times. (Later I will tell you why I bothered to peck out this sentence.)

************

I went to my Search Bar and typed “Jus”. Immediately a drop down list appeared and “Justine Bieber” was on top of the list.

(Then I searched on “Bil” looking for Bill Frist and the drop down list was Billie Eilish, Billion Auto, Bill Gates, BiliBili, Billy Joel & Bill Cosby but no Bill Frist.)

I saw this headline, “Justin & Hailey Bieber Get Their Temperatures Checked While Arriving at a Studio”

This headline appeared on August 19, 2020. In 2 days time there were 401,000 likes on Facebook alone. Remember I said above that in 5 months Bill Frist got 240 hits on his Thought Provoking Intelligent Video about an Important To All of Us Subject (Coronavirus).

My point is obvious...Or is it?...We have a society that is Engrossed In and Captivated By Unimportant Miscellaneous Trivia.

************

Is it possible that I have not convinced you about the truth of what I pecked out in the last paragraph? Allow me to give you 3 more Miscellaneous Bits of Trivia to Prove the Silliness of following these Adored Celebrities...

Ø Hailey wore a cute bikini top to beat the heat in the city and was seen wearing a cute flannel shirt later on in the day.

Ø Earlier in the day, Hailey was spotted with a gal pal picking up a drink to go after a workout class.

Ø The day before, Justin and Hailey were seen out to lunch wearing some matching animated masks.

Don’t know what an Animated Mask is? Neither did I but now you and I do...

  

Would I kid u??

Smartfella

 

This Is An Emergency!

The reporters covering the “Peaceful” Protests in Portland are struggling to continue covering this ongoing story because their Word Processors have run out of the words, “protest(s) turn(s) violent”. Here are some actual headlines...

Ø Portland Protest Turns Violent, Federal Police Clear Plaza

Ø Portland Protests Turn Violent, Riot Declared

Ø Portland Protest Turns Violent, Brutal Assault Caught On Video

Certain phrases are also short supply in these dire times like:

Ø mostly peaceful protesters

Ø peaceful protesters burn down public building

Ø mostly peaceful protesters non-violently burn down most of courthouse

This is serious! If you have any of these badly needed words/phrases you can spare, please send them to:

Reporters Covering Peaceful Protesters R Us

Po Box 666

Portland, OR 97201

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

They Chose Their Own Title and It Fits Them To A T...Or does it?

Members of our 9% Approval Rated Congress long ago decided to bestow on themselves a Title. To come up with what they considered an appropriate title they formed a Committee (they always form a committee). The Committee being guided by Roberts Rules of Title Bestowing went to the Roberts Book of Titles to find the Perfect Title to describe a Member of our Congress.

The Committee blew right past the section that they should have been using...“Appropriate Titles Based on Past Performance” and concentrated their search efforts on the section no Honorable Politician (is Honorable Politician an Oxymoron?) would have ever dared to look into...“Titles Meant to Obfuscate and Confuse” and came up with the most inappropriate Title you could ever imagine for a Member of Congress...“Honorable”.

That’s when the Folks Back Home looked at each other and said to their collective selves, “We are in deep trouble now”. 

************

I took a modicum of Bloggers License with this Blog Posting. It is not just Members of Congress who are addressed as “Honorable”.

In the United States, “honorable” is used as a title of courtesy for current and former public officials. (In England, there are strict rules about who gets the title.) U.S. usage varies, because there is no official etiquette; the honorific is often used for judges and justices, members of Congress, governors, mayors, and members of state legislatures.

All these people may be called “Honorable” but George Washington had a slightly different but much better way of looking at this honorable question. He once said that of all the titles that could be bestowed upon him, the one he wanted to keep forever was, “Honest Man”. 

Legend has it that President Washington never told a lie. I would like to quibble with this legend. I once read where he said as he was leaving Washington, D.C. for the last time, “I have enjoyed my time in this fine city”. That had to be a lie.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella 

Lagniappe: Heart Surgeon and Lung Transplant Surgeon Doctor Bill Frist is a Former Senate Majority Leader. This is what he thinks we think about Members of Congress and me thinks he is correct...“Folks trust their doctor. They don’t trust their congressman”.

This Is Getting Ridiculous!

On more than one occasion I have published the Blog Posting below. It tells a frightening story about how bad our 9% Approval Rated Congress is with regard to Understanding Arithmetic...

Too Many Members of Congress Can’t Handle Basic Arithmetic

This may seem elementary to those of you who have gone through the 5th grade.

Lots of numbers are being thrown around our 9% Approval Rating Congress these days. I watched in amazement recently on CSPAN as one of our elected "leaders" said the following …

"My good friend from across the aisle has just voiced strong opposition to my proposal to spend $10 Billion to convert all states that are using Paper Ballots to Electronic Voting Machines and to convert all states who are using Electronic Voting Machines to Paper Ballots. I continue to be amazed at the short sightedness of the Opposition Party and their ongoing inability to handle basic arithmetic with regard to a mere $10 Billion price tag."

"I am sure that the folks back home have no problem with spending $10 Billion for such a worthy project. They understand that 10 is not a big number. 11 is bigger than 10 and so is 12. If I were asking for 18, that ought to give pause to the taxpayers as to how their money is being spent but 10 is only 10.  It is hardly more than 9."

"Beam me up Lord. I can no longer stand being around these penny-pinchers who are not smarter than a 5th grader."

Ok, I admit I made up all of the above…Or did I?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

************

Today my sources are telling me it is a lot worse than I ever imagined. It seems that Members of Congress are particularly unable to comprehend percentages and this lack of comprehension on their part is going to cost us all dearly.

This back and forth took place yesterday between Senator Foghorn Leghorn and Senator Yosemite Sam.

 

       Senator Foghorn Leghorn (SFL)...If I understand you right, My Good Friend Yosemite, you are saying that the Folks Back Home are very much in favor of your Gigantic Tax Increase. You are using percentages to support your proposal. I am ill at ease with your use of percentages because you know full well that all of your fellow good friend Senators have always had problems understanding percentages. I do trust you, My Good Friend, but please explain.

·        Senator Yosemite Sam (SYS)...Yes siree bob! You’re darn tootin! The folks back home are dying for a Gigantic Increase in their Taxes! Bear with me, My Good Friend, I’ll explain it to you. Have I ever lied to you before?

·        SFL...I can’t say with certainty you have lied but it does seem, when I started to suspect in the past that you might be about to lie to me, you always start using percentages.

·        SYS...Why, My Good Friend, you got me this time. I do do that instinctively but, to be honest with you, I don’t understand percentages either. I do know this, percentage usage has gotten more legislation passed in Congress than has bribery and that’s saying a lot!

·        SYS...Here is the proof that the folks back home are asking for a Gigantic Tax Increase that my crack team of obfuscators have come up with...
>.47% of that the Folks Back Home are very much in favor of my Gigantic Tax Increase.
>I know I have probably lost you already because you see that percent sign after that .47 and there may be a chance that you are thinking to yourself, “Self, that does not sound like a lot of folks”.
>If I understood what I was talking about, it might not sound like a lot to me either but bear with me because my crack team of obfuscators has worked very hard on this obfuscation.
>Further analysis has shown that .97% of this .47%, are not only in favor of a Gigantic Tax Increase, but they are wanting the Gigantic Tax Increase to be retroactive to last January 1.
>I really don’t see the need to explain further. I am fairly certain that 97% is almost 100% and, I also think, 100% is all of the living folks back home and fair portion of the deceased voters who will be going to the polling places in the upcoming election.

************

There you have it. This is proof that we all want to be taxed up the wazoo. Even if you have trouble with percentages, we can all agree that 97 out of 100 is a strong mandate for anything.

Senator Yosemite Sam has earned a well deserved reputation as a strong debater. Some say it is because of his liberal use of language that included lots of “Yes siree bobs!” and “You’re darn tootins!” and “You long eared galoot!” and “I’ll give you a taste of leather!” and “You just yupped yourself into a hole in the head!” and “Oooooo! I’ll blast your head off for this!” and “You forced me to use force”, his shouting all the time and his ever present 2 six-shooters but I disagree. I think, while he may say that percentages confuse him, he is an Accomplished Master of Percentages and creating Glazed Over Looks in the eyes of his Good Friends in the Senate when he starts throwing around those Percent Signs.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: One thing for sure you'll never see Yosemite Sam in a Safe Place.

They Teach Our Children

I went to a meeting a few years ago where the navigator on the B-29 (the Enola Gay) that had dropped the first Atomic Bomb was the featured speaker.

His name was Theodore Van Kirk.

He has since died at the age of 93 on July 28, 2014.

He said during his address to us that he had made many presentations over the years to schools.

One time he was introduced by a faculty member at a high school who told the assembly that he was a veteran of World War 2.

Of course, that is normally written WW II. 

She introduced him as a veteran of, "World War Eleven".

These Historically Challenged "teachers" are “teaching” our children. 😞

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

How Dare You!

One of my Young Dear Readers who is a College Freshman just sent me an email. In it he told me a horrifying story about what has happened to him at his University. I am so glad he did it in Bullet Point Format because it will greatly help me to put together this Blog Posting...

Ø Up until the Wuhan Virus attacked us several months ago he thought all was going well in his new college life.

Ø He was pleased with how he was progressing and had accumulated a very acceptable Grade Point Average in the courses he had already completed.

Ø In March all of his courses were changed to Online Courses Instruction.

Ø As time went on he had become comfortable with learning via the Internet.

Ø Recently he was surprised to receive a phone call from the Dean of his school of instruction.

Ø The Dean told him he wanted to conduct a Sheltering in Place Progression Interview.

Ø There were no difficult questions during the Sheltering in Place Progression Interview phone call but it seemed to my Young Dear Reader that the interview was more of a chit chat than an actual interview.

Ø After about 4 minutes the Dean’s voice changed from one of pleasant conversation to tense agitation, and as my Young Dear Reader was in the middle of what he thought was a rather insightful and intelligent answer to the latest question, the Dean interrupted him and said, “I’ve heard enough!” and hung up without even saying good bye.

My Young Dear Reader told me he just sat there in stunned silence for a few minutes. He did not know what had just happened but two days later he found out the awful truth of what had just happened.

************

His answer came in the form of a Snail Mail Letter from his University. It read as follows...

“Dear Young Dear Reader,

We have been growing increasingly concerned about the written papers you have been submitting for you class assignments, therefore, we decided to conduct an Interview to Check You Out. We could not have been more shocked at your performance during this Interview!

Our suspicions were aroused because of the antiquated practices you employed in these written assignments. The use of capitalizations and punctuation is something we have not seen at this university for many years.

The phone call was necessary to verify our suspicions. We now know for certain that you, my good man, are Using Proper Grammar! This is unacceptable and will not be tolerated at this University now or at any time in the future!

As a result of this transgression of yours, you are barred from any further participation in all courses that you are presently enrolled in and your College Record will officially show the awarded grades as Withdrawn Failure.

In addition, all courses which you have already completed will have the Incorrect Grade of Record changed to “F Minus”, which, of course, stands for Failure Really Bad!

If you decide you want to force the issue and continue your course of instruction at our University simply because you feel entitled since you have already paid our Exorbitant and Unjustifiable Tuition, you cannot expect any higher Grade than “F Minus” until we have been convinced that you are screwing up the English Language as completely as every one of your Fellow More Enlightened Students.

Two Bits! Four Bits! Six Bits a Dollar! All for Rutgers Stand Up and Holler!

Sincerely,

Dean I. M. Silly”

************

If you wanna read all about it, click the link below...

Rutgers University has declared Use of Proper Grammar Racist

https://pjmedia.com/culture/rick-moran/2020/07/26/rutgers-university-declares-grammar-racist-n706569

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

We Must Have Empathy For Those That Can’t Cut The Mustard!

The people who don’t have the ability to accomplish much of anything in life are always made to feel badly because society has labeled them as failures.

This is unfair! Failures are people too! Put yourself in their shoes! How would you feel if you were not worth a chit?

We now understand the awful predicament these underachievers have to suffer through and the good people at Mediocre R Us have started finalizing compromises with various organizations to begin to rectify this Societal Persecution.

The Medical Community was one of the first targets that Mediocre R Us determined it was going to “fix” and the American Medical Association recently issued this Press Release...

“We now understand that Failing Medical Students have a desire to succeed as strong as any of the brilliant students in their class. Their disappointment at not being able to measure up is extreme to say the least. We now understand that the only thing that has been standing between them and their Life-Long Dream was the minor formality of a Numerical Passing Grade.

In recognition of their Extreme Effort and their Unbounded Desire to Succeed, we are proud to announce that we have come up with a new grade to replace the Heartless Failing Grades from the past.

We will now be presenting every one of our failed students with a Passing Failing Grade and each of them will now receive their Brain Surgeon Diploma.

Our New Mottos Is...Failure Is Not An Option In Our Brain Surgery Schools!

The American Medical Association is confident that each person with a problem inside their head looks forward with great hope and anticipation to have their brains worked on by these Less Skilled but Eager to Give You Their Best Surgeons.”

************

It is wonderful to remember that all of this Feel Good Enlightenment started 35 years ago when the first Participation Trophies were presented on the Soccer Fields of the Good Ole USofA.

Major Strides of Enlightenment begin small. At the time they may seem like Baby Steps but they are really the Giant Strides of Compassionate Progress!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

All Is Lost! The Wheels Are Off The Wagon! The FauciVirus Has Won!

I just read the Devastating News!

If I told you that the FauciVirus is increasing by more than 4,000%, you would agree with me the Subject of this Blog Posting...Or would u?

Oh yea, I forgot to tell you the worst news. I got this awful news from the Internet, so you know it is true!...Or is it?

************

Thanks our lucky starts the Late Paul Harvey is visiting me in my Computer Cave today and he has directed me to tell you The Rest of the Story...

Here is the quote from the Internet article that gave us this Devastating News:

In northeast Louisiana's Madison Parish, the summer spike brought 133 new coronavirus cases in the worst week in June, an increase of more than 4,000% over the three cases reported during the worst week of April's peak.

• According to the 2010 Census there were 12,093 people living in Madison Parish, Louisiana.
• If we divide 133 New Cases by 12,093 Population we get 0.01099809807326552551062598197304225585.
  >Father Hatrel told me to move the decimal place 2 to the right to get the percentage... 1.099809807326552551062598197304225585% (Is that better?)
• The article does not tell us how many of the 133 new cases have resulted in death but I did find out elsewhere that, as of July 29, there were only 6 Total Deaths in the parish since Doctor Fauci attacked us in February.
• If we divide 6 Total Deaths by 12,093 Population we get 0.00049615480029769288017861572810716943.
  >Father Hatrel told me to move the decimal place 2 to the right to get the percentage... .049615480029769288017861572810716943% (Is that better?)

I apologize for not having a Premium Calculator so I could have carried the above 2 calculations out to a more precise number of Decimal Places.

In case you want to cancel your subscription to the publication that chooses to make such a Devastating Mountain out of such an Insignificant Molehill, this Foolishness came to us from USA Today.

Here is the link to the whole article...https://www.usatoday.com/in-depth/news/2020/08/01/louisiana-second-covid-19-wave-worse-than-first-no-1-per-capita/5558862002/

Would I kid u?

Smartfella