Normally I do not eat in Fast Food Restaurants. It’s not that I am opposed to their delicious fast food. It’s just that I am of a mindset that the delicious fast food they serve will kill me sooner than I should be killed. What I mean is, I don’t want my demise reported in the newspaper as Pre-Mature Death…aka: Fast Food Death.
The above paragraph has depressed me. I am not going to go back and read it again. If I made any grammatical errors, they will have to remain as pecked.
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I just heard you say to yourself, “Self, if Fella is so opposed to Fast Food Restaurants, why did he go into one?”
As the interviewee says in modern day interviews (when he is asked a question he does not want to answer and really wants to get down off of his soap box and punch the questioner in his nose), “That’s an excellent question!”
My answer is simple…I wanted to see for myself if their sandwiches are really as big as the sandwiches shown in their TV Commercials.
All of us know the answer to that question…They ought to be put in jail for showing those Gargantuan TV Sandwiches.
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It all started to go wrong when I was approaching the door to my local Jumbo in the Box Fast Food Restaurant. I saw this little old lady approaching from the other side of the door. I was clearly ahead of her and could have made it safely inside while she was still about 5 feet from the door but my Southern Upbringing got the better of me and I paused, waited and held the door so she and her two handbags could go in ahead of me. (As it turned out, this politeness on my part was to prove that the Smartfella can be really dumb sometimes.)
Did you take note that I said in the above paragraph, “Her Two Handbags”? Please allow me to explain the Two Handbags. As I waited patiently in line behind her here is what I learned about the Two Handbags…
Ø The Two Handbags were of different sizes.
Ø One was much larger than the other one.
Ø One Handbag contained: her Money Wallet, a separate Wallet for her different IDs, her Pepper Spray, her Umbrella, her Folding Chair, her 3 Pairs of Sunglasses, her Smartphone, 2 Scarf’s, her Pill Box, her Theatre Binoculars, her Galoshes, her Yoga Outfit, her Reading Glasses, her Lipstick, a Pair of Sneakers, her Concealed Carry and a Cute Little Chihuahua .
Ø The Second Handbag contained her Coupons.
The Coupon Handbag was the bigger of the two handbags!
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She proceeded to take all her coupons out and spread them on the counter…
Ø I could see that some of her coupons were out of date.
Ø For example, she had an Early Bird Arrival Discount Coupon to the Premiere of Gone with the Wind (1939).
Ø She asked the cashier to help her determine which ones were out of date.
Ø The cashier plunged right in to help her.
Ø Once they determined which coupons were out of date, she put them back into her Coupon Handbag for future pulling out of her Handbag.
Ø As they figured out which were still valid for the Jumbo in the Box Fast Food Restaurant, she put them into a separate stack.
Ø She had everything in her smaller handbag except a scissors.
Ø This meant it was a slow process for her to tear out her good for today coupon.
Ø Once she had her coupon in hand, she stuffed all the remaining coupons back into her handbag and proceeded to pay her tab with coins.
This whole process took about 15 minutes.
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I know you think I exaggerated some of this experience. I admit I am guilty. She only had 2 pairs of sunglasses in her smaller handbag not 3.
I apologize for my exaggeration. Sometimes I can’t help myself.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
