My plan to put Starbucks out of business has been in effect for years now but it has been hard for me to tell if it was working or not because of the COVID-19 Pandemic. Starbucks went berserk over COVID...
Ø They shut down their stores.
Ø They depended on their Drive-Through Windows to keep the company going until our Rulers in Washington, D.C. told us the Pandemic was all gone or they told us we were all dead.
Ø They required their Drive-Thru Skeleton Staff to hold their breath in one hour increments.
Ø Any employee who was caught breathing during their Hold Your Breath Hour had their aprons ripped off of their ungrateful bodies and were fired on the spot.
Ø When the OK To Breath Now App on their phones told them it was Ok to breathe, they were allowed to rush outside and suck in as much air as they could for 2 minutes before they were allowed to re-enter the store (their app automatically reset for another hour as they re-entered the store).
My Plan Was Simple. I Decided That, If I Stopped Drinking Their Coffee, They Would Surely Go Out Of Business.
A couple of days ago I came to a full undrstanding of the effectiveness of my Put ‘Em Out Of Business Plan (in bullet point format)...
Ø I brought my wife to a doctor’s office across town.
Ø While driving to the doctor’s office I was amazed to see that there were very few cars on the expressway.
Ø I became baffled and becoming baffled is not something I am prone to becoming.
Ø After the initial consultation with the doctor, I was told they would need to do whatever they needed to do to my wife without my help and I should get out of their way so they could do it.
Ø The doctor said the to do’ing would take about 2 hours and she told me where there was a nearby Starbucks where I could spend my 2 out of the way hours.
Ø I had not been in a Starbucks in several years because, you may remember, I am in the process of putting them out of business.
Ø I decided to make this one time exception to my boycott and go buy a cup.
Ø I went in, bought a cup and sat down against the far wall which happened to be glass and was right next to the Drive Up Line leading up to the Drive Up Window.
Ø As I was sipping I started to notice the line of cars in the Drive Up Line leading to the Drive Up Window.
Ø It was very long.
Ø It never got short.
Ø If it did shorten up by 1 or 2 cars, by my next sip it grew by 3 or 4.
Ø It was amazing!
And before I know what was dawning on me it dawned on me that this is why there were so few cars on the expressway! All the missing cars were in the Drive Up Lines for the Dive Up Windows at all the Starbucks Stores all over the Atlanta Metropolitan Area!
My Plan to Put Starbucks Out of Business Was A Dismal Failure!
I started to formulate a plan of action to give my plan to put Starbucks out of Business a shot in the arm but I quickly realized that it was a waste of time. The looks of desperation, panic and confusion on the faces of the sweating Bucksters as they pulled up to the Clown’s Mouth to plead into the mouth their orders convinced me that there was no stopping them.
Starbucks had won my war against them!
I knew I did not have within me what it took to stop the Bucksters from begging the clown’s mouth to please give them their Morning Venti with a Shot in the Dark.
When I was younger I used to think things like That’s No Hill For A Climber. Now, as soon as I start thinking I ought to climb up a mountain, I quickly shift my gaze to the nearest Mole Hill. Heck, I’m 81 years old and Mole Hills are about all I can handle and Starbucks ain’t a Mole Hill!
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Don’t Mess With Starbucks!
