Today’s Really Good News Is The Ruler Of New York State Has Deigned That His Minions Can Start Going To Movie Theatres Again
Since I have known Hiz Honor, the almost permanent ruler of New York, since way back when he was only a Prince-Aspiring-To-Be-King, I gave him a call to find out how he was going to pull off this loosening of the reins of his past dictates without endangering his subjects. He was expecting my call and immediately launched into explaining to me his Minion Movie Attendance Dictate (called by his subjects MMAD).
Below, in Bullet Point Format (aren’t you glad) is how our conversation went...
Ø Sir, is it OK if I call you “Sir”, I am at a loss to understand how you are going to allow your subjects to crowd into Super Spreader Germ-Infested Closed-In Movie Theatres.
Ø Oh my dear Fella, it is easy. I am going to dictate my Minion Seating Policy is to be strictly enforced.
Ø Sir, I am not familiar with your Minion Seating Policy.
Ø Fella, no one is familiar with it because I just invented it. It is simply this: My subjects will have to sit separated by 3 empty seats.
Ø Sir, I’m sure it is brilliant but I still don’t know what the heck you are talking about. ... As an aside, you may be wondering why I telephoned you today instead of visiting you in person. The reason is last time I visited you I said, “I don’t what the heck you are talking about”, and you threw me out of your office window. Had it not been for that Circus Act relocating their 3 Trampolines, I would have been killed. It was amazing. I bounced off of all 3 of them 2 times before I finally rolled safely to the ground. Because of that happening I decided not to take the chance of a visit to you for this discussion because there are not as many Circus acts walking around Albany as there once were. (I heard him chuckle as I proceeded.) ... The way I see it, the flaw in your Minion Seating Policy is that it is dark inside theatres so how are you going to know that your Minion Seating Policy is being adhered to? My understanding is young people still like to neck in dark theatres.
Ø Fella, I’m sorry about that throwing thing but you have to understand that I must have respect and throwing my subjects out that window gets me the next best thing to respect (if they survive)...Fear. Allow me to explain to you the Stroke of Genius part of my Minion Seating Policy that makes it fool proof. The 3 Empty Seats will remain unoccupied because I have mandated that they be covered with Green Jell-o. Who the heck is going to sit on Green Jell-o?
Ø Sir, I apologize from ever doubting you! That is definitely a Stroke of Genius Plan of Action!
I humbly thanked him for his time and, as I was groveling around saying my good bye I could hear he was really pleased with himself because I heard his suspenders snapping back onto his chest.
The last thing he said to me was, “Fella, my good friend, the Jell-o CEO, really likes my Minion Seating Policy!”
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: You are not sure if I made up all of the above Foolishness, are you? My Dear Readers, you have seen what’s been going on in New York throughout this Dire Pandemic. Think about it for a minute. ... I’ll wait. ... Now that you have thought about it for a minute, do you still think I made up all of the above?
