Seismologists all across the Northeast United States have been in a tizzy for the last week. Their Earthquake Detecting Machines (EDMs) have been shaking continuously 24/7 and the Seismologists have been sending out this dire warning to the good people of the entire Northeast to get the heck out of there:
Major earthquakes have been sweeping the Northeast United States for several days. What exactly is causing them is still undetermined.
In keeping with our ongoing policy of exercising an abundance of caution abundantly when we can’t explain what is abundantly not certain, we are recommending the immediate evacuation of the entire Northeast United States.
We do not think we are over exaggerating the dangers facing this part of our country.
Yes, we are saying Get the Hell Out Of Dodge and every other city, town, village, hamlet and nook and cranny from Virginia and Pennsylvania through Maine.
We will issue another News Release when it’s safe to return, if ever that day comes.
Fella is not one to jump onto the Overreaction Bandwagon. I did my own research into these strange happenings using my own EDM in my basement and I have found the real reason why these Non-Stop Apparent Earthquakes are happening.
Once you see what my research has come up with, you will be saying to your collective selves, “Of course, why did I not see that! I wish I were as smart as Fella!”
It’s the Scandalous Political Revelations in the State of Virginia that’s causing the ground to rumble as if there were actual earthquakes going on...and on...and on.
What’s actually happened is the craziness surrounding the Governor, the Lt. Governor and the State’s Attorney General has caused Virginia’s Founding Fathers (James Madison, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, George Mason, John Jay, John Blair, James McClurg, Edmund Randolph, George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee and Patrick Henry) to Roll Over in Their Graves.
Just stop and think about it. That’s a lot of rolling!
The Wall Street Journal had an interesting commentary to make on February 8, 2019, “How can we continue looking down on Arkansas and Mississippi with this sort of stuff going on?”
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: To heap scandal upon scandal, I have also found out that Seismologist R Us have also been paid off by the Motel 6 Chain of Motels in the Midwest United States to issue the Evacuation Notice to the Northeast United States. This ruse has paid off handsomely for Motel 6 because every one of their Motels in the Mid-West has had to turn on their No Vacancy Sign (something not a single one of them has ever had to do before this Orchestrated Windfall).
