Your Wife Is Going To New York City To Buy A $3,000 Dress And You Quickly Realize That That Dress Is Going To Cost You A Lot More Than $3,000

Your wife is swooshing around the living room wearing the $3,000 Wide Swath Dress (the black and white spotted one above) she bought when she and her lady friends went to New York City to see the latest fashions. You feel the beginning of You-Did-What? Distress Syndrome coming on and you can’t catch your breath.

Your wife has always been one to be concerned about your health, so she springs into action. Immediately she recognizes your distress and she hits you with one of the Make ‘Em Feel Better Soothing Tidbits that the Fashion Designer who she bought the $3,000 Dress from (Eli Yousurearestupid) had her memorize right after she signed the Visa Receipt.

She tries out the first Soothing Tidbit on her wide-eyed husband...

Darling, you need to understand that these sculptural designs have an urbane sophistication that’s due in part to their relaxed relationship with the female body.

That did not work, so she immediately tried the second Soothing Tidbit on her wide-eyed starting to foam from the mouth husband...

Volume in women’s fashion can be read as denoting power. You see, sweetie pie, the wearing of big clothes is assertive and is a way of taking up space. “It’s like, ‘I’m here and don’t mess with me,’”

At this point she recognizes that the Soothing Tidbits are having the opposite of their intended effect as her husband is struggling to get to his Blood Pressure Medicine.

She begins to fear she is losing him for sure as she recalls the image of what another disbelieving husband had put into a letter about these Wide Swath Fashions when he wrote...

...the designers should be “shackled with Chanel chain belts and force-fed Audrey Hepburn movies until they gained some taste and appreciation of the female body”.

Do you want to see more Wide Swath Fashions?...

Had enough of more?

This Blog Posting is reaching the Bottom Line and here it is... If your wife tells you she is going with the girls to NYC to see some Fashion Shows, here’s what you do as soon as the wheels of the girl’s plane leaves the ground...

Ø Go to the nearest Harley-Davidson Motorcycle store and buy that Big One you have always wanted.

Ø Before you leave the Cycle Store go into the Accessories Department and buy everything the commission hungry salesman recommends.

Ø Call Geico and insure your body, your bike and all your accessories.

Ø Go back home and sleep the sleep of Great Anticipation.

Ø The next morning get on your Hog and take a 3 Week Trip out west to see all those places where John Wayne made all those great movies.

(Word Of caution: On your trip, do not ask any waitress younger than 40 years old if she knows who John Wayne was because her answer will certainly cause you to mumble to yourself for the next 15 miles of your ride.)

If you get home and your wife tells you she did not buy a $3,000 Wide-Swath Dress, give her 2 smiles...

Ø One smile of Relief and Thanksgiving.

Ø One smile of remembrance for the wonderful Motor Cycle Trip You and John Wayne had enjoyed together.

Finally, say a little prayer for all those bugs that died on your helmet’s faceplate as you merrily rolled along (except for those 15 miles where you mumbled to yourself).

Would I kid u?

Smartfella