Before We Forget To Remember

The British did just fine. Do you remember the Pre-Olympic criticism about all the bad things that were going to happen? The Critics were all wet about the colossal failure the British were about to stumble through. This is just the latest instance of “Know It Alls” not knowing much.

The Olympics are over but they will come again. Let’s start planning now for the next incarnation four years from now. As good as it was in London there are things that can be improved upon...

• Bouquets of Flowers are given to all medal winners at the Medal Awards Ceremony. This is fine for the ladies but they also give the male winners Bouquets of Flowers. Why do they give the male winners Bouquets of Flowers? It seems perfectly obvious to me that male winners ought to be given Bouquets of Cigars.
• Get rid of Female Boxing. Did I just hear some of you ask, Why? I’ll give you the only answer there need be given, Just Because!
• Limit Touches among teammates in every set of a volleyball match to 327. The List of Touches below was obtained from several news articles I read while doing my research for this Foolishness...Or Is It?
  *High Fives
  *Double High Fives
  *Low Fives
  *Double Low Fives
  *Belly Taps
  *Back Taps
  *Back Pats
  *Butt Pats
  *Kisses
  *Fist Bumps
  *Chest Bumps
  *Full Hugs
  *Bro Hugs (One arm variation of full hugs.)
  *Group Hugs
  *Grabbing Heads
  *Long Embraces
  *Bum Taps (I Googled “bum tap” & could not find a definition. If you Google it & find out what it means, don’t bother educating me about what it actually is. I’m already know enough about things I don’t need to know.)

Here is where many of you will think I am making things up again. In doing my extensive research for this Foolishness...Or Is It? I came across the existence of an organization called the Touch Research Institute. In order to cut short your snide remarks about my making this institute up, go to http://www6.miami.edu/touch-research/Research.html.

There is one new event that I would like to see added to the Olympics of the future...Individual Synergized Swimming. Can’t you just picture the exacting precision as an alternating hand or a foot emerges from the water in perfect synchronization with itself? It would be an attention grabber for sure!

Finally, I wish members of our 10% Approval Rated Congress had not watched the Olympics. Everywhere they look they see new ways to spend more money. This Olympics is no exception.

An Anonymous Source (who once before reported something that turned out to be true) told me that within days a new bill will be introduced in Congress to spend 2.6 Billion Dollars (otherwise known as 2.6 Thousand Million Dollars) to teach Americans How to Shake Hands.

I can hear some member of Congress coming to the defense of this expenditure by standing up in the Well of The Senate and saying...

2.6 ain’t that much. Land O Goshen that’s less than 3 and everyone knows that 3 ain’t much either.

Would I kid u?