Romney’s Surefire Ticket To The Presidency

I don’t normally like to make a posting two days in a row but this one is too important to be delayed even one day.

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The biggest thing going right now for the Mitt Romney and the Republicans is the uncertainty about who will be the Vice Presidential Nominee. It is very important that they milk this attention getting hysteria as long as possible. This could very well be the key to Victory in November.

As usual I am ready to propose a perfectly logical roadmap to victory for Romney. Once I lay out the strategy you are going to kick yourself for not seeing it without my assistance. It’s times like this when you, my dear readers, appreciate the Smartfella the most. When my heart attacks me, you are going to feel very alone and you will have to Fend For Yourself (whatever that means)...

• Romney ought to milk this curiosity about who will be his running mate all the way to and beyond the convention.
• Amid the largest balloon drop in the history of any convention he ought to stand at the podium and make his introduction of his running mate with his hands outstretched to the heavens.
• As the balloons are all but obscuring his face and his hands the band will be playing God Bless America.
• His VP Nominee ought to then walk out with a Paper Bag Over His Head.
• The Bag should remain in place all through the campaign and should be dramatically removed at the swearing-in ceremony on January 20, 2013.
• Imagine that mystery, excitement, speculation that is sure to envelope the campaign!
• This could get to the point where the media will be calling this historic election The Romney and the Bag Headed Guy vs. What’s His Name and the Other Guy Campaign of 2012.

If Romney heeds my sage advice, this could end up being the most exciting campaign in history.

I also think that, if he chose Chris Christie as his Bag Headed Running Mate, it would not slow down the News Media’s Frenzy. They love mystery. They love speculation. They love uncertainty. They will keep this frenzy going for sure.

I can just hear the Frenzy Frenzying on the nightly news day after day with reporting such as this...

Because of the enormous bulk of the Bag Headed Running Mate there are some who say it might be Chris Christie.

Exclusive to this station we have information from an anonymous source, who might actually know something, who has reported that the body bulk is the result of a Fat Man Suit like they wear in the movies and inside the fat suit is Spike Lee.

There is also a report from another anonymous source, who does not know anything either, that the Romney Campaign is desperate to keep the information about the manufacturer of the Fat Man Suit secret because that manufacturer is located in China.

If this Chinese Connection were confirmed, Romney’s masterful strategy could backfire and his whole bid for the Presidency just might go up in flames.

We certainly live in exciting times!

As I think more about the background music at the convention, maybe Romney ought not use God Bless America in order to not offend the Madalyn Murray O’Hair Faction of the Republican Party.

Just to be on the safe side he could choose from any number of John Phillip Souza’s generic marches. Then the Folks Back Home could fall in step and march right up the steps of The White House with he and Spike (if he really is in that suit).

Would I kid u?

You Going To Be Sorry When All The Commercials Are Gone

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”.

If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

There is a Federal Law which stipulates that after any commercial is shown 72 times it cannot be shown again.

No matter how wonderful, annoying or informative a particular commercial is the law very sternly mandates it must be cast onto the Scrapheap of History after the magic number of 72 Showing is reached.

If you are relying on the newspapers for your Olympic News, you might have the mistaken impression that your fellow Americans spent the prior night watching a ton of sporty happenings on their TVs.

To be more precise I should have pecked out above, “spent the prior night and day watching”. Instead of diligently making their widgets it has been reported that too many American workers are watching the Olympics while at work.

You know what’s next, don’t you. There is going to be a nationwide Widget Shortage and we are all going to suffer those repercussions for a long time to come.

Getting back to the silly paragraph above the above prior two foolish paragraphs...

Commercials are reigning supreme. The advertisers just love the Olympics because so many of the sporty events are so short in duration they can quickly cut away for more commercials. They are covering us up with commercials and that 72 Maximum Showings Number is fast approaching for many of them.

In Volleyball the commercials are usually so long that we get back to the volleying after having missed two points.

I just looked up from where I am pecking out this bit of Foolishness to see a foot race where they cut away to the commercial just before the race had finished. I must be mistaken...Or am I?

Remember the Subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It? ... You Going To Be Sorry When All The Commercials Are Gone?

Do you get my drift? Not only are we about to run out of Widgets but we are going to run out of Commercials because of the 72 Times Shown and No More Federal Law. It’s going to be awful!

I’ve changed my mind. It’s not going to be awful. Actually a shortage of commercials is the Good News. The Bad News is they are going to make more.

Would I kid u?

Everyone Is Entitled To His Own Stupid Opinion ... Or Is He?

Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. In the Good Ole USofA we just have too much communication. We can express our opinions in a myriad of ways and we do just that constantly. We are chomping at the bit to let the world know how smart (or dumb) we are.

The Smartfella? is here to give you some food for thought... It is very possible the world might be able to get along just fine without your input.

Here is a current example...

Gabby Douglas is rolling along and singing a song. Who would be dumb enough to rain on her parade? A lot of people are sending rain her way. They seem to think, I Got An Obligation To See To It That The Uninformed Become Informed Society.

She is being Twitted about, Facebooked about and Blogged about. Here is one of the worst...

She also is dealing with some of fame’s downside. Her straightened hair has triggered debates on Twitter and other social-media sites, with some women criticizing the style and others calling it unkempt. But the tiff doesn’t seem to bother Douglas.

“What is wrong with my hair? Are you kidding me? I just made history, and you are focusing on my hair?” she said. “Nothing is going to change. I am going to wear my hair like this for bar finals. You might as well get used to it.”

Here comes the Foolishness ... Or is it?...

• Oh my gosh! I can’t believe what I just saw! That guy just broke the World Record in the Pole Vault by 7.5 feet! While I admire his accomplishment, I could not help but notice how he held the pole with his right hand. Did you see how his pinkie finger was extended as if he thought he was better than other pole vaulters who, try as they might, can’t come close to his ability?
• By golly that was amazing! I just witnessed the impossible! That sprinter just ran the 100 Meter Dash in 2.76 seconds. You will never see that done again but did you notice those gaudy shorts she was wearing? I thank heaven that not a single Hollywood Celebrity would ever wear shorts that abhorrent.
• Shazam! That Rower just won the 2,000 Meters Singles Competition by rowing in circles the entire race while all of his opponents rowed in a straight line. That is one for the books but, I must point out that, he rowed counter-clockwise. As any high school physics student knows, that is a lot easier than clockwise since we are in the Earth’s Northern Hemisphere.

Back to Gabby getting back at to her critics... As Howard Cosell was known to say, “You go girl. Tell it like it is!” or, as a well known radio Talk Show Host of today has often said on his show, “Shut up you big dope!”

Would I kid u?

More: Don’t comment to this message by pointing out that this clockwise vs. counter-clockwise law is not always the law... http://www.loc.gov/rr/scitech/mysteries/coriolis.html. I already found this out on my own but I’m sticking to my silliness as pecked out above because I have a right to write about Foolishness wherever I find it.

I Am Vulnerable Because I Am Being Left Out Of The Loop

Saw in my newspaper where a very dangerous situation in Las Vegas developed when a couple of chimpanzees escaped from a chimpanzee keeping place and were causing all kinds of damage and mayhem. The chimps went on a rampage pounding on cars and jumping into at least one vehicle.

The police chief sprang into action to warn his gambling people. After all, he is sworn to protect and serve or protect and defend or some such catchy phrase.

He was determined to get the word out by the fastest means of communication available to modern law enforcement. He sent his warning out by Twitter telling all non-chimpanzees to stay inside their cars or houses...

The department tweeted, "Residents/motorists in the area of Ann Rd/N Jones please stay inside, officers trying to capture 2 dangerous chimpanzees on the loose!"

The Police Chief then added, "Nope, we didn't get hacked."

I feel so vulnerable. Since I’m not a Twit, I would have been eaten for sure.

Would I kid u?

Looking Alike

How many times have we heard someone say this about Asians, “They all look alike?” I am not sure how this got started because they really do not all look alike.

At the London Olympics there was an incident that has put a whole new spin on this old catch phrase.

Before a Soccer Match between North Korea and Columbia, the big video screen showed North Korean Players beside the flag of South Korea. As soon as the error was noticed the screen went blank but the Fit Had Already Hit the Shan and the damage was done.

I think this all could have been put to bed very quickly if some important big-time Olympic Official had only rushed over to the horrified North Korean team and said something as simple as, “Please don’t take offense but you see all Asian Flags Look Alike”.

Yep, that would have calmed down this volatile situation as quickly as it had started.

Would I kid u?

More: The article that I read about FlagGate did not even bother to mention who won the game. Sad to say this goes to show you that Controversy is more important than Athletic Competition at our Modern Olympic Games.

Parade Magazine

Hard as it is for me to admit, I was once a Celebrity Watcher. For long time I was anxious to see what Clark Gable, John Wayne, Doris Day, Groucho Marx, Cary Grant and such stars were doing with their time.

Because of this fixation I used to look to the Parade Magazine (now USA Weekend Magazine) to keep me informed about the comings and goings of celebrities like those mentioned in above paragraph.

Most Sunday’s I still check out the USA Weekend Magazine to see what’s in its Who’s News Section which tells us what today’s Clarks, Johns, Dorises Grouchos and Carys are up to.

The problem is I do not recognize any of today’s “stars”. When I try and educate myself about them I do not recognize any of the TV shows or movies that have made them “famous”.

While reading about What’s His Name this past weekend I decided that I really don’t care what he has been up to or what his opinion is about anything. I became this entrenched in my opinion about him and his ilk (I just love to use the word “ilk”) when I read the following which came out of his celebrity mouth, “When I get out of bed each morning, I mess up my hair”.

I have two comments about this mental midget’s quote...

• I never saw Cary Grant’s hair messed up. It was clear to me that he understood the value of that nickel he had invested to buy that comb he always carried with him.
• Has he ever noticed that, when he gets up each day, his hair is already messed up? Does he really think he went to bed with his hair properly messed up and during the night it combed itself?

Whatever John Wayne wanted to do with his hair was okay with me but, if I ever heard him quoted as saying, “When I get out of bed each morning, I mess up my toupee”, I would have thought less of him also.

Would I kid u?

More Wagging Of The Dog’s Tail

Our libraries make it a practice to display Local Artist’s art inside various branches of our library system. This practice has been well received by our dwindling reading public. The artists themselves really appreciate this exposure because they are all starving.

One of our artists had eight paintings of his hanging in a library branch. His display was scheduled to be up for another month but, because of the complaint of ONE SINGLE patron, he has had to remove his artwork.

The issue that offended the ONE SINGLE patron was that the eight paintings were of well-know local Evangelical Preachers. The ONE SINGLE patron complained that the subjects of the paintings were only Christian Preachers. She was not Christian and, therefore, she objected and the dog’s tail wagged all of us.

I just went to the artist’s web site and was presented with this message:

Sorry, the site you requested

has been disabled.

This is eerie. Is it possible that our starving and rejected artist has had more than just his library card canceled?

Would I kid u?

We Are Not Allowed To Have Good News ... It Is A Federal Law!

I have written before about our News Media loving bad news and, in this posting, I going to do it again.

Price of Gasoline Going Up and Up

We were told for weeks that high gas prices were ruining our economy...

• Everything was going to cost more because it costs more to get everything shipped to us.
• After filling up their gas tanks people have no money left to buy groceries.
• The price of gas was so high that people were not able to put gas in their cars to drive to work.

Then when the price of gasoline started going down I actually heard a Talking Head tell me that ... The falling price of gasoline was a sure sign of a slowdown in the economy.

Syria

For almost a year and a half we have been told...

• Innocent men, women and children were being slaughtered in the streets of Syria.
• The country was on the brink of civil war.
• The U.N. is helpless to bring an end to the killing.

A few days ago it appeared that the Syrian government is on the verge of collapse and my nightly news told me ... The U.S. Government was concerned about the implications of a sudden collapse of the Syrian Regime.

Sometimes I think that, if I were watching the Evening News one night and I said to my wife, “Well things are sure looking up” a member of our News Media would kick down my front door and come rushing in and slap me in the face.

Would I kid u?

It’s All Over But The Shouting or You Can Stop Paddling Now

In the world of politics all is lost. We have gone over the waterfall and no amount of paddling can get us back up to the top of the falls. The Wheels Are Off The Wagon is what we used to say at American Motors when I working there (in the process of rising to the height of my mediocre career).

Have I properly set you up to read on? I sure hope so because this is important stuff...Or is it?

I was watching a politician “perform” recently and his words hit me like a ton of bricks.

Here I go getting sidetracked again...

Don’t you just hate it when a Talking Head refers to a just completed speech as a “performance”? A political speech should not be categorized as a performance. A performance is what actors do. Acting is not reality. George Burns once said, Sincerity is the most important part of acting. If you can fake sincerity, you are a good actor.

I am now officially back from my sidetrack. Here is what concerns me about this politician’s “performance”.

In the past politicians would always try and cover up for lies by doing one or all of the following...

• Say they did not say whatever they said.
• Say they were taken out of context.
• Try to explain what they meant by what they said.
• Tell another lie.

When this politician (the performing one mentioned above) was confronted with his untruth, he simply looked the confronter in the eye and said with a smile on his lying face, “Well you know politicians say lots of thing they don’t mean”.

There it is. There is the turning point. There is no going back up the waterfall. This politician has so little respect for and/or has no fear of the voter that he is no longer going to pretend to be truthful.

The late great Howard Cosell made the phrase “Tell It Like It Is” famous. If this politician held himself to Ole Howard’s truthfulness principle, we would not be where we are today but he does not and we are where we are.

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

I Got A Bump On My Head But I’ll Be OK

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”.

If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

I read an article about an actress I never heard of on a hit TV show I’ve never heard of who got hit on the head by a piece of Set Equipment. The Set Equipment was sent flying into her celebrity head by a large gust of wind.

She was taken to the hospital but is now recovered to the point that she is issuing statements to the press and to her breathless, worried and adoring fans. Here is what she had to say... Thanks to everyone for their prayers and good wishes.

The Smartfella is highly trained in deciphering and analyzing celebrity statements. Here is the part of the statement that was not stated... I am feeling much better. I am doing so well that I will shortly be filing a series of lawsuits that ought to make me richer than a whole mess of other adored celebrities who have a lot more talent than I have.

The Smartfella is also a sneaky person. I disguised myself as a potted plant (one of my favorite disguises) and stationed my potted self in the corner of the celebrity’s flower filled hospital suite. Here is what I heard her discussing with her team of lawyers...

• How much should they sue the Television Network for?
• How much should they sue the Director of the hit TV series for?
• How much should they sue the Sponsors of the hit TV series for?
• How much should they sue the manufacturer of the Set Equipment for for not putting Velcro Attachments on all of their Set Equipment pieces so these dangerous thingies would not go flying with the wind?
• How much should they sue God for for allowing the wind to become gusty?

It saddens me to have had to burst your bubbles, my dear readers, about celebrities. I know you all admire them so.

I just feel I have an obligation to tell all of you, as they say in southwest Louisiana, How The Cow Eat The Cabbage. I can hear your minds mulling over what How The Cow Eat The Cabbage means. I can’t help you out because I never have fully figured this one out myself.

I am ready to reveal to the world what I recorded in my leafy looking recorder in the corner of that hospital suite.

On the other hand, if she will cut me in for a piece of the action, I will be glad to ForgetAboutIt.

Would I kid u?

One Is Not Disgusting

The other day I was watching What’s His Name finish off What’s His Name at Wimbledon and, when the finishing was done, I left the TV on and went to peck at my laptop. I could still see the TV from where I was pecking and I looked up occasionally.

The first time I looked up I saw there was a commercial on and a guy was very quickly eating a Hot Dog.

I looked up several more times. Each time I looked up that guy was still eating that hot dog. I thought to myself, “Self, that is real long commercial or a real long hot dog”.

Eventually I realized that there was a Hot Dog Eating Contest in progress.

At first I thought, “What’s this doing on my Sports Channel? This is not a sport. Sure they sweat more than those Poker Players (who also do not belong on my Sports Channel) but eating is even less of a sport than playing poker. Eating is a bodily function.

What’s next? If America can sit and watch people eat, how far are we from watching people not eat? It takes a lot more will power to not eat than to eat. People who do not eat are performing a herculean task. Starvation is no piece of cake.

As Captain Kirk likes to say, “This could be big ... Really big”.

Here is where I skillfully tie in the Subject of this Foolishness Posting into the body of the Posting itself...

Once I realized that I was looking at a Hot Dog Eating Contest, I watched intently for about 22 seconds and then I said to myself, “Self, that’s disgusting!” and I turned off my TV.

For some reason I found myself hungry. I went to our refrigerator and was happy to find a new package of turkey hot dogs. I ate one. I only ate one. One Is Not Disgusting.

Would I kid u?

This Is Coming To You From NotHipVille, USA

NotHipVille, USA is where I live. I like it here.

Here is a headline for a news article in a recent edition of my newspaper...

300 people escape early morning fire in London hotel

I just did it to you again. I lied about the headline I saw. I actually pecked out the headline the way it ought to have been written.

Here is the true headline...

Rihanna escapes early morning fire in London hotel

I found this article educational. My first question to myself was, “Self, what is a Rihanna?” The article informed me that she is some kind of singer. I found a picture of her…   

I feel hipper just looking at her picture.

The article informed me that 300 saved people are not as important as one saved Rihanna.

Rihanna tweeted her 21,000,000 followers from outside the hotel.

What’s wrong with us? Please allow me to comment on, “21,000,000 followers”...

• Are there really 21,000,000 hip people spending their days waiting for a Rihanna to tweet her innermost thoughts and feelings?
• Is there not anyone out there reading a chemistry book or trying to find a cure for some dire debilitating disease or just sitting around thinking deep thoughts about something deep?

Here is what our Rihanna tweeted to her 21,000,000 twits…

“Roamin da streets since 6am! Fyah in da telly”

Please allow me to comment on her tweet or, as she would say, “da tweet”...

• While I concede “roamin” is a whole lot shorter than “roaming”, is it really better than “roaming”?
• While I concede “da” is a whole lot shorter than “the” is it really better than “the”?
• What’s with “fyah”? It is not any shorter than “fire”. Why not just say “fire”?
• If I had not read the headline of the article I may never have figured out that “telly” was hotel (or hotelly). Being a thinking person I would probably have suspected that Rihanna was tweeting the world about her telephone or her television issues.

When all is texted and tweeted (we used to say “when all is said and done”), the world we all live in is very confusing and often very depressing. I think I am now going to read a few chapters in my chemistry book and, since a dire debilitating disease is probably about to jump all over my aged bones, I am going to settle back and think a few deep thoughts about something more important than what a Rihanna is doing.

Would I kid u?

 

Is One A Lot? or The Power Of One

How many times do we read about a single instance of something bad happening that results in sweeping legislative activity? We seem to be obsessed with that dog’s tail wagging us.

In my newspaper I read where a German court has ruled that a circumcision which resulted in complications was an assault on the boy’s Physical Integrity and the practice of circumcision has been declared a cause of Bodily Harm in Germany.

The article did not say that thousands of boys have suffered this “assault”. Does this mean there was only one case that caused complications in all of Germany?

If there can be found one case where there was no Bodily Harm done, does that single case negate the single case of Circumcisional Complications? (I know “circumcisional” is not a word. Don’t write me about it. Classify it under the category of “Foolishness License”.)

I thank you in advance, dear reader, for allowing me to carry this to an extreme. Here is my Foolishness...

• There are 6,795 overpasses in the Atlanta Metropolitan Area. (Don’t check out 6,795 overpasses. I made that number up. Classify it under the category of “Foolishness License”.)
• A 6 year old child wanders away from his home, gets to one of these overpasses, climbs over the guard rail and falls into traffic and is killed.

Does this one instance of child wandering, climbing, falling and dying justify installing 12 foot high climb-proof barriers on all 6,795 overpasses?

Some of us would answer in the affirmative to the above question. Therein lays the crux of the problem. If a person or a society does not have unlimited funds, that person or that society cannot spend unlimited money.

I know some of you just said, “Why not?” That “Why Not?” makes me fear for our future.

Please do not write me back and tell me that China has the money to build these 13,590 overpass 12 foot high climb-proof barriers and all we have to do is use their money.

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

We Have A National Obligation To Encourage & Support The Use Of Electric Cars

This posting is about cars. I say that upfront because I am forewarning you that I know what I am talking about in this one. I am a retired Automotive Executive and I was much respected in my rise to the height of my mediocre career. Accept what I am imparting to you in this Foolishness Posting because I know cars

Electric Cars apparently have a range of 40 miles. This is very limiting for the Electric Car Owners but Electric Cars are important. They save trees or icebergs or other such things. We all have to do our part to help the Electric Car Buyers out wherever we can.

If one of us is patriotic enough to buy an Electric Car, anyone who is a friend of said Electric Car Owner should be required by Federal Law to sell his house, if it is more than 40 miles away from the Electric Car owner’s house, and move to within 40 miles of the Electric Car Owner’s house.

Once the distance has been reduced to 40 miles or less, the Electric Car Patriot will be free to go over for a visit anytime he wants to socialize with any one of his friends.

It goes without saying that the visited friend should allow the Electric Car Patriot to charge his vehicle during the socializing so his patriotic friend can get back home.

Would I kid u?

There Must Be A Better Example Of Tax Money Being Wasted ... Or Is There?

Can you believe it? A wasteful federal program has been defunded.

Up until recently the Good Ole USofA has been spending $20,000,000 to beam Sesame Street throughout Pakistan.

The good news is we have just saved $13,300,000. The bad news is we saved $13,300,000 because $6,700,000 has already been spent on this project.

The funding was cancelled because of corruption and misappropriation of funds by the man in charge of the Sesame Street Project in Pakistan. It appears that he was doing such things as...

• Paying off old personal debts.
• Giving lucrative contracts to friends, relatives and/or people who kicked back monies to him.
• Building himself a fancy residential complex.

When Senator Foghorn Leghorn was informed of the kinds of things that stopped the remainder of the $13,300,000 from going to Pakistan he said, “What’s wrong with that?”

Would I kid u?

I Support Violence!

The “I” above is not the Smartfella. That “I” belongs those among us who defend violence when it is committed by people who think the way the defenders of violence think we all ought to think.

Now that I have you completely confused, I will peck on...

The Freedom from Union Violence Act was proposed in both the House of Representatives and the Senate and was passed unanimously in each chamber within minutes.

The above paragraph is not true. It ought to be true but it is not true and the bill has never passed.

The Smartfella does not claim to have all the answers (or does he?) and he admits this is one of those times he is completely baffled.

From Wikipedia...

The Freedom from Union Violence Act of 1997[1] and 2007[2] were identical bills proposed in the United States Congress. Their intended purpose was to amend the Hobbs Act and make violence committed in pursuit of labor union goals a federal crime.

You read correctly. The Freedom from Union Violence Act is not new because it was first proposed 15 years ago. It was again proposed 5 years ago.

The bills faced strong opposition from labor unions and others and failed to pass into law both times.

Just when I get to the point where I think I know what a No Brainer is, I find out that there are No Brainers out there that prove to me that I know nothing about No Brainers.

Would I kid u?

Me Going Places and Them Getting Carried Away

I recently enrolled in a Rewards Program for a National Hotel Chain. I received a Welcome Letter that is so full of adjectives it appears to have been written to a very important person and, since it was addressed to me, I must be a very important person.

In it the hotel chain’s Letter Writer really got carried away …  Catch a ball game in Chicago. Go to the opera in Vienna. Eat blowfish in Tokyo.

It is mind boggling to realize that I am getting all of these wonderful trips around the world simply because I have a new piece of plastic in my wallet!

I don’t know what kinds of trips make you happy but I am really looking forward to eating that blowfish in Tokyo.

Don’t worry about missing out on my blogging while I am away. I believe I am safe in saying that Chicago, Vienna and Tokyo all have the World Wide Web. I’ll stay in touch.

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

John Wayne Is Dead

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”.

If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

This Blog Posting is coming to you from one of my Ruts (I’ve blogged about this before). The Rut under discussion here is the Feminization of Men.
We once had John Wayne to lead us. Now we are the stupid one in television commercials, our “heroes” in movies have to always have a three day growth of beard (so we will be sure they are males) and we are told that we ought to carry Man Bags (used to be called purses) to hold our stuff.
I will now bring this Foolishness…Or Is It? Rant to an abrupt end and use pictures to prove my point. Below you will find three pictures from a recent four day Fashion Event in London.
If a picture is worth a thousand words, these three pictures shout from the rooftops...

Case Closed...Point Proven...End of Discussion

It is not possible to picture John Wayne in one of these outfits.
I wish I were kidding you.

Fat Thieves Are Now A World-Wide Concern

The profession of Thievery has a real problem. They are all getting fat.

There was a time when thieves would put on their masks and go out to commit crimes. They had to run from the police. They had to jump over fences. They had to do a lot of crouching down low and sneaking around.

All this physical activity led to a healthy lifestyle that resulted in our thieves being a very fit lot. In fact, they never went to a gym at all unless they went there to burglarize it.

Now they just sit at their computers and create scam emails, send them out and wait for the money to come rolling in. It is hard for many people to resist a plea for money from a Kazakhstanian who has a child born with no hands who stutters and has one functioning kidney that is on the verge of failing because Kazakhstan’s drinking water is saturated with quitanian crystals from the BP Oil Spill.

It has been reported that Mayor Bloomberg recently received one of these email solicitations for donations and he became very alarmed.

Actually he is not concerned about the child’s kidney problem. He became alarmed when an aide told him about the weight problem of the scammers.

He immediately called his advisors into emergency session to formulate a plan of action to reduce scammers’ weight in New York City and is hoping that the world will follow his lead.

My sources tell me that he and his advisors have zeroed in on the sugary cup size ordered by scammers in NYC’s fast food restaurants. At this time they have all agreed that scammers will be required to show their Internet Scammer/Thief Association Membership Card and then they will be limited to a 2 ounce cup.

That ought to do it. What clear thinking person could object to this approach?

Would I kid u?

Our Education System Is Making Students More Dumb

The first time I saw a news article about someone Texting While Driving I honestly thought that our News Media was sensationalizing again.

I said to myself, “Self, there they go again. They found the only person stupid enough to Text While Driving and put that dummy into their newspaper just so we would spend a nickel to buy a newspaper to read all about it.”

Now I find out that there is more than that one dumb person in the country. In fact, our Department of Transportation is calling Texting While Driving a National Epidemic...and it is getting worse.

43% of our high school juniors admit they text while driving

After another year of being educated in our high schools...

58% of our high school seniors admit they text while driving

I’m sure glad someone had the foresight to invent higher education. Our colleges and universities will fix this problem for sure...Or will they?

Would I kid u?