Parade Magazine

Hard as it is for me to admit, I was once a Celebrity Watcher. For long time I was anxious to see what Clark Gable, John Wayne, Doris Day, Groucho Marx, Cary Grant and such stars were doing with their time.

Because of this fixation I used to look to the Parade Magazine (now USA Weekend Magazine) to keep me informed about the comings and goings of celebrities like those mentioned in above paragraph.

Most Sunday’s I still check out the USA Weekend Magazine to see what’s in its Who’s News Section which tells us what today’s Clarks, Johns, Dorises Grouchos and Carys are up to.

The problem is I do not recognize any of today’s “stars”. When I try and educate myself about them I do not recognize any of the TV shows or movies that have made them “famous”.

While reading about What’s His Name this past weekend I decided that I really don’t care what he has been up to or what his opinion is about anything. I became this entrenched in my opinion about him and his ilk (I just love to use the word “ilk”) when I read the following which came out of his celebrity mouth, “When I get out of bed each morning, I mess up my hair”.

I have two comments about this mental midget’s quote...

• I never saw Cary Grant’s hair messed up. It was clear to me that he understood the value of that nickel he had invested to buy that comb he always carried with him.
• Has he ever noticed that, when he gets up each day, his hair is already messed up? Does he really think he went to bed with his hair properly messed up and during the night it combed itself?

Whatever John Wayne wanted to do with his hair was okay with me but, if I ever heard him quoted as saying, “When I get out of bed each morning, I mess up my toupee”, I would have thought less of him also.

Would I kid u?