In This Corner We Have God and In the Opposite Corner We Have the Big Bang and Over There We Have the Oyster

The above Subject Headline sure is jam-packed with Big Guys.

God is certainly a Big Guy.

The Big Bang is certainly Big otherwise it would have been called the Bang.

Read on to find out why the lowly Oyster rightfully deserves to be up there with the Big Guys.

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If you are like me, you woke up today thinking that you did not know enough about the Oyster. Thank your lucky starts that you have me in your Sheltered in Place Life because I am going to tell you all about Oysters and how Complicated They Really Are... 

Oysters are filter feeders, drawing water in over their gills through the beating of cilia. Suspended plankton and particles are trapped in the mucus of a gill, and from there are transported to the mouth, where they are eaten, digested, and expelled as feces or pseudofeces. Oysters feed most actively at temperatures above 10 °C (50 °F). An oyster can filter up to 5 L (1.3 US gal) of water per hour. Chesapeake Bay's once-flourishing oyster population historically filtered excess nutrients from the estuary's entire water volume every three to four days. Today, it would take nearly a year.^[8] Excess sediment, nutrients, and algae can result in the eutrophication of a body of water. Oyster filtration can mitigate these pollutants.

In addition to their gills, oysters can also exchange gases across their mantles, which are lined with many small, thin-walled blood vessels. A small, three-chambered heart, lying under the adductor muscle, pumps colorless blood to all parts of the body. At the same time, two kidneys, located on the underside of the muscle, remove waste products from the blood. Their nervous system includes two pairs of nerve cords and three pairs of ganglia.

While some oysters have two sexes (European oyster and Olympia oyster), their reproductive organs contain both eggs and sperm. Because of this, it is technically possible for an oyster to fertilize its own eggs. The gonads surround the digestive organs, and are made up of sex cells, branching tubules, and connective tissue.

Once the female is fertilized, she discharges millions of eggs into the water. The larvae develop in about six hours and exist suspended in the water column as veliger larvae for two to three weeks before settling on a bed and maturing to sexual adulthood within a year.

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Now you know that the Oyster has 2 Kidneys. If you do not know this, you skimmed over the above extremely interesting information about one of the great wonders of the world you live in.

Go back and read it again and don’t skim this time. I’ll wait...

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Are you wondering if this Blog Posting is going anywhere? It certainly is and you are about to see where it is going.

Back in 1966 Time Magazine published its first cover ever that was made up of Only Words and I’m sorry to say the words were...

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Think back to how complicated the Oyster is and ask yourself this question...

Do you really think the Oyster was created by the Chaos and Mayhem and Violence of the Big Bang Explosion?

Oh my gosh! All is truly lost. I just heard one of you say, “Of course not, Fella. The Oyster required 2 Big Bangs.”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

 

Let Us Not Confuse Change with Progress

Maybe no one ever said the above Subject Words except me but I have said them many times. I don’t always believe what I say but this is one of those times where I know I am dead right and at my age I don’t throw the word “dead” around without thinking to myself, “Do I really want to throw the word “dead” around?”.

Merriam-Webster has a lot to say about the word “change”. Here is a very incomplete list of some of what Merriam and Webster has to say…

Ø To make radically different.

Ø To replace with another.

Ø To make a shift from one to another.

***************

Enter the “Wisdom” of YouTube…

“If you want to cut off a leg or an arm, you’re mentally ill, but if you want to cut off healthy breasts or a penis, you’re transgender.”

Those are the words of Dr. Michelle Cretella said in a video published in 2017. She is a Pediatrician with many years’ experience in her field. She is also the Executive Director of the American College of Pediatricians.

Fast forward to November 2019 and this video of Dr. Cretella has been removed from YouTube. In its place, YouTube displays this message: “This video has been removed for violating YouTube’s policy on Hate Speech.”

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Enter the words “Hate Speech”…

The use of the term Hate Speech appears to be here to stay and its use is growing with every passing day.

This is the kind of thing we are now being subjected to in the Good Ole USofA…

Ø A person used to kill another person because the other person deserved to be killed or simply because they disliked the another person.

Ø Today disliking another person is not sufficient.

Ø The fact that you killed the another person in absolutely conclusive proof that you hated the another person.

Ø When you are sentenced for your crime you will be sentenced for Killing the another person and you will get more time for Hating the another person.

Ø If you only disliked the another person, you would have simply slapped or punched the another person.

Ø Slapping and punching has modern expanded implications also…
èA Slap is now classified as a Hate Slap and punishable by 8 years in prison.
èA Punch is now classified as a Hate Punch and is punishable by 17 years in prison.

(Yea, I made the above bullet point up…Or did I?)

Imagine how many years John Wayne would have spent in prison because he was always punching someone. (He never slapped anyone.)

If you don’t know who John Wayne was, don’t tell me. Just quietly Google him.

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Now to further your Foolish Education of the Silliness of all of this we now have a new Term of Confusion to fog our minds…

It seems some of us are suffering from Body Integrity Identity Disorder but fear not because we have a remedy and that remedy is to Amputate Limbs.

I can’t bring myself to say again which limbs so I will refer you to the Bolded Paragraph Above which follows the words, “Enter the “Wisdom” of YouTube…”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Am I allowed to ask this question?

If the Amputated Limb was healthy when it was removed, can the Amputated Limbed Person have it reattached if they later changed their minds or would that be considered Amputation Reversal Confusion Disorder?

Lagniappe Another: If you want to see John Wayne punching someone click here: If an ad appears, click Skip Ad... https://youtu.be/o3343LUHNb4

Abortion Has Always Been Objected To On The Basis Of Moral Outrage...Or has it?

Follow the money...

Abortion itself only became a serious Criminal Offense in the period between 1860 and 1880.

Ø The criminalization of abortion did not result from Moral Outrage.

Ø The roots of the new law came from the newly established physicians’ trade organization, the American Medical Association.

Ø Doctors decided that abortion practitioners were Unwanted Competition and went about Eliminating That Competition.

There’s nothing funny here. I’m just furthering your knowledge of the world around us.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: If you think I made this up or you want to read more about this from the site where I got this, click this link to the History Channel...https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/roe-v-wade

Close Enough...Or is it?

I’ll tell you upfront that I am going to make up a lot of this Blog Posting but I will still make my Brilliant Point...Or will I?

I was in Starbucks today (I told you I was going to make things up). You knew I was making things up as soon as I said, “I was in Starbuck today”. I don’t know for sure if there are people in Starbucks today because I am not allowed to go to Starbucks to see if there is anyone in Starbucks because I can’t leave my house to go to Starbucks.

The above paragraph really sidetracked me. I’m going to start over...

I was in Starbucks today spewing germs at everyone within Spewing Distance of my Spewing Germ-Infested Mouth. I was surfing the Internet on my Filthy Germ-Infested iPhone and, since I am who I am, I noticed that a Prestigious Institute of Higher Education had spent a lot of time publishing Useless Information.

I immediately thought of you, my Dear Readers, and said to myself, “Self, I just know that my Dear Readers, who are seekers of Useful Information about publishers of Useless Information, are just waiting to get this Useless Information from me”.

Now that I have your undivided attention...

The unnamed Prestigious Institute of Higher Education has been compiling information about the Coronavirus for us to worry about because they are concerned that we do not have enough information about Coronavirus to worry about.  

In the article the Prestigious Institute of Higher Education said, “Our data imply that, by April 1 between 48,000 and 81,000 people had been infected in Santa Clara County”.

Allow me to give you a more precise quote that Prestigious Institute of Higher Education should have published, “Our data imply that, by April 1 between 48,000 and 48,500 people had been infected in Santa Clara County”.

Does the Prestigious Institute of Higher Education really think that a range between 48,000 and 81,000 is a precise enough range to get anyone’s attention? That’s a spread of 33,000! I think that any survey worth its salt (whatever that means) could have come up with that imprecise a number without bothering to do a survey!

They could have gone to the nearest English Pub (actually they could have gone to a Hungarian Pub or a Brazilian Pub) drank a bunch of beers, thrown darts at a dart board and come up with this kind of spread. This is known in the Survey World as a Wild-Ass Guess.

I wonder how the Survey Compilers at this Prestigious Institute of Higher Education would like a text message from the President of their Prestigious Institute of Higher Education that read as follows...

We appreciate all you do for our Prestigious Institute of Higher Education. To show how much we appreciate all your hard work, we have revised our payroll brackets and you are hereby advised that you next paycheck will be somewhere between $48,000 and $81,000. Have a nice day.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

No Chit Sherlock!

A Waste of Time Headline...

White House Guidelines for Reopening the Economy Garner Mixed Reviews

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Of course, there are Mixed Reviews.

Don’t think you will ever see a headline that reads... 

White House Guidelines Are Without Exception Welcomed and Praised By Everyone In The Country!

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If a Thousand Dollar Bill was sent to every man, woman and child in the Good Ole USofA, we would hear this kind of Mixed Reviews coming back from an awful lot of the Thousand Dollar Bill Recipients...

Ø The mailman’s delivery route always delivers mail to the people across the street before he delivers to my side of the street. Why should the people who live on the other side of the street get their money before I get my money?!

Ø Every night on TV I see Congress throwing money at everything you can imagine and all I get is a measly $1,000!

Ø Yes I got a check for each of my 3 children but I don’t understand why families that have more children than I have receive more checks than I do!

Ø Money is free to our government. It has lots of printing presses. It should have printed more $1,000 bills!

Ø My bill had a corner that was bent! I demand an unbent bill!

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Do you think I went too far this time? OK, I’ll concede that may be the case. I hereby pledge I will stop going too far when I no longer hear people call up radio talk shows and saying things like this...

Of Course, I Know What Roe vs. Wade Was All About. It Was The Very Difficult Decision That General George Washington Had To Make Before He Crossed The Delaware River.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Don’t Get Excited. This Is Not A New Blog Posting.

I’m sure many of you have not noticed that my Blog can be translated into many different languages. All one has to do is do some clicking in the Left Column of any Blog Posting where it says, “Translate Into Your Own language” and, before you know it, you can be reading my Blog in a language you can’t understand. (Does it make sense to say, “reading my Blog in a language you can’t understand”?)

 

During the Coronavirus Attack I know you are busy doing nothing so I went to the trouble to set up today’s Blog Posting into Chinese (Simplified) but it did not work because every blog I ever posted became Chinese (Simplified).

 

I’m now going to turn you loose to do the Translation Conversion on your own:

Ø Open my last Blog Posting: https://forii.blogspot.com/2020/04/question-why-do-you-dislike-that-guy-so.html

Ø In the left column click on, “Translate Into Your Own language”.

Ø Then click on, “Chinese (Simplified)”.

After you are done not reading Chinese, be sure to reverse the process and get back into English or you will find yourself in Night School taking Chinese (Simplified).

If you want to see it in Chinese (Traditional) have at it but, I warn you, you may not be able to understand it either (unless you are Chinese).

Simplified is not as Simple as it used to be (unless you are Chinese).

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Question: Why Do You Dislike That Guy So Much? Answer: At first I Liked Him But Then I Found Out He Was From Another State And That's When I Knew He Was Evil.

BC...Before Coronavirus

On August 26, 2007 I wrote a Blog Posting about the Chaos that existed before the Chinese invented Coronavirus. It was a long Blog Posting and, even though it was Well Written, I won’t repeat the whole Blog Posting in this Blog Posting but I will give you 3 of its Well Written Bullet Points to set the stage for this Well Written Blog Posting...

Before our Founding Fathers came up with the Constitution, Chaos was having its way with the Good Ole USofA…

Ø The cooperation among the states, forged in the 1770s and sustained during the war, had vanished with independence.
Ø Competition and exploitation reigned, and the revival of a fierce localism pitted Virginian against Marylander, New Yorker against New Jerseyite, Georgian against South Carolinian.
Ø Connecticut and New Jersey were rumored to be planning a joint assault on New York.

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What Goes Around Comes Around.

AC...After Coronavirus

Pennsylvania’s Liquor Control Board announced March 16 that liquor stores would close the next day...

Ø The state was hoping to keep residents at home.

Ø Instead Pennsylvania Residents flocked to buy booze while they still could buy booze.

Ø Lines stretched around the block.

Ø Sales spiked to $29.9 million in a single day.

Denver saw a similar rush when Mayor Michael Hancock announced that liquor stores would not be considered Essential Businesses...

Ø The mayor told his minions not to panic buy.

Ø The minions panicked.

Ø Within hours the Governor reversed course.

Ø The liquor stores stayed open.

You are probably wondering why Colorado is smarter than Pennsylvania. I know why and you are about to know why because I am going to tell you why...

It’s because they are all smoking Marijuana and they are able to think clearly.

...Or is it?

Back in Pennsylvania the closures continued…

Ø Many residents are now driving to neighboring states to buy alcohol.

Ø West Virginia is refusing to sell liquor to anyone without a West Virginia ID.

Ø Delaware police are pulling over out-of-state drivers and instructing them to go home.

Ø Pennsylvania’s Liquor Control Board resumed limited Online Sales but it restricts orders to six bottles per transaction.

Ø The number of Online Orders immediately overwhelmed the site.

Ø The state now rations access to the Online Store.

Black markets thrive when the government refuses to let supply match demand, so expect to see rum runners make a comeback.

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I’ve got an idea. Let’s bring back Prohibition.

Did you just say we tried that before and it did not work?

I was ready for you to say that and I will give you the Socialism Perfect Answer…

Prohibition Did Not Work Because It Was Not Done Right. We Will Do It Right This Time Because We Are Smarter Than We Used To Be.

Above is the Socialism Perfect Answer for having another crack at Prohibition. To use the Socialism Perfect Answer to advocate another crack at Socialism the Socialism Perfect Answer must be modified to read...

Socialism Did Not Work Because It Was Not Done Right All Those Other Times It Was Tried. We Will Do It Right This Time Because We Are Smarter Than We Used To Be.

...Or are we?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

What Me Worry?

Are you worried? Did I just hear you say, “Worry about what?”

Pardon me. I thought it was obvious. I’m, of course, talking, about the United States National Debt.

Are you wondering what started me pecking out this confusion? It was because I was just sitting here reading the November 15, 2004 issue of Business Week. I know you are familiar with that issue…Or are you?

Here’s what caught my eye…

“With a $7.7 Trillion Budget Deficit, It’s Time to Cut Spending!”

As I usually do, I will now remind you about just how much money we are talking about…

A Trillion is a Thousand Billion and a Billion is a Thousand Million and a Million is a Thousand Thousand and, being as Smart As I Know You Are, You Immediately Grasped That $7.7 Trillion Is 7 Thousand 700 Billion Dollars.

But we have nothing to worry about because Business Week caught our Congress’ Attention back in November 2004 and Congress Cut Spending … Or did it?

The Current U.S. National Debt is More Than $24 Trillion and Growing Bigger Each Second That Passes!

Since I already showed you how much money we are talking about I won’t do it again but maybe you ought to start worrying. On the other hand, why should you be the only one?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Degree Inflation Run Amuck

There exists today a common mindset among older white-collar workers: “I wouldn’t be hired today”. This often doesn’t have anything to do with their ability to perform their jobs. Rather, it’s a function of Degree Inflation. This is where employers demand a baccalaureate degree for middle-skill jobs that previously did not require one.

 

Some 61% of employers have rejected applicants with the requisite skills and experience simply because they didn’t have a college degree, according to a 2017 Harvard Business School study.

 

The authors believe, if current trends continue, “as many as 6.2 million workers could be affected by Degree Inflation—meaning their lack of a bachelor’s degree could preclude them from qualifying for the same job with another employer”.

 

Stop and let this sink in. No matter how good they are at the job for which they are applying, no matter how experienced they are and no matter how much value they could add to the company they want to work for, they will not get the job.

 

State and local laws impose additional limits...

Ø New York City prohibits employers from discriminating against the unemployed or asking about prior earning history.

Ø Twenty-nine states bar public employers from inquiring about criminal history and nine states prevent private employers from doing the same.

Ø Last year the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission sued CSX Transportation, a railroad company, because men passed the company’s applicant physical-fitness tests at a disproportionately higher rate than women.    
Allow me to expand on the last bullet point above. Who is the real culprit who created the discrimination in the bullet point above?...
>Was it Thomas Jefferson for planting false hopes in all of us by throwing around such willy-nilly phrases like “All men (certainly he meant, ‘all men and women’) are created equal”?

>Was it the fault of the physically fit parents of future physically fit job applicants who told them to get off the couch and go outside and climb a tree?
>Was it the fault of the future physically fit job applicants who got off the couch and went outside and made themselves physically fit?

 

If you understand the next 2 paragraphs, please use the Comments Section of this blog to explain them to me...

Yet degree inflation has obvious Disparate-Impact Implications (this is fella...huh?).    

When determining Disparate Impact Enforcement agencies often rely on the “four-fifths” rule of thumb: If the selection rate for any race, sex or ethnic group is less than four-fifths that of the group with the highest selection rate, Disparate Impact is likely. Some 61% of Asians in the labor force, age 25 and up, have a bachelor’s degree or higher, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Just under 40% of Whites have degrees, compared with 29% of Blacks and 20% of Hispanics. Under the four-fifths rule, college-degree requirements disproportionately affect White Workers when compared with Asians, and Black and Hispanic Workers when compared with Whites and Asians.

 

The Harvard Study also showed that College Graduates filling Middle-Skill Positions...

Ø Cost more to employ.

Ø Have higher turnover rates.

Ø Tend to be less engaged.

Ø Are no more productive than high-school graduates doing the same job.

 

Go back and read the above four bullet points again and then picture the looks on the faces of Widget R Us Board of Directors after the CEO makes the following statement, “These four bullet points prove conclusively that it makes no good business sense to continue with our policy of requiring College Degrees for Middle-Skill Positions. I now ask for a unanimous show of hands from this board certifying that we are in agreement about continuing our illogical policy of requiring College Degrees for Middle-Sill Positions. We should also incorporate this requirement into our Vision Statement so that future Boards of Directors will see the indefensible course of action that this Board has laid out and will be reluctant to ever attempt to rectify and/or correct the ill-fated and simply nutty path we have chosen today”.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

I Have Not Voted To Raise Your Taxes One Cent Since You Sent Me To Washington D.C. To Be Your Senator

Lying Without Anyone Noticing

In Europe people who think up new ways to tax are ahead of people who think up new ways to tax in the Good Ole USofA. Over in Europe forward thinking thinkers have instituted the Cow Flatulence Tax.

 

Denmark and Ireland were some of the first European countries to tax cattle owners. Each cow costs $18 in taxes in Ireland, while Denmark charges farmers $110 per cow.

 

The thinking of the Tax Passers in Europe is that this is what they have to do to save the planet...Or will it?

 

The “justification” for a Cow Flatulence Tax is that cows release Methane Gas which they contend is one of the Greenhouse Gases that Cause Climate Change.

 

The people who think of new ways to tax in the Good Ole USofA have been preoccupied with their successful efforts to change our terminology for taxing from “Taxes” to “Revenue Enhancements”. They have not gotten around to addressing Cow Flatulence Taxes as of yet.

 

At this point Congress is still denying that such a tax is something they will ever do in the Good Ole USofA. Denying that they will ever do something is Congress’ way of saying...Just You Wait.

 

The other day none other than Senator Snidley Whiplash himself pledged on the Senate Floor that he will never allow such a tax when he said, “I will never allow such an underhanded and unnecessary tax to be levied on the American Tax Payer”.

 

I happened to be in the Senate when he made this pledge. Actually I happened to be standing right behind him in my potted plant outfit when he made this pledge. From that vantage point I noticed that he had his hands crossed behind him and the first two fingers on both hands were crossed.

 

Immediately after making his pledge he left the Senate Floor. They always quickly leave the Senate Floor immediately after stating their position on anything for fear that they might hear what the opposition might have to say about what they had to say.

 

Many of these Senators have been in Congress so long that they are getting feeble and can’t get out of the Senate Chamber as fast as they once could. You can always tell which of them have been there for decades because they have their fingers in their ears as they do their best to escape that Hallowed Chamber.

 

I quickly changed into my Fly On The Wall Outfit and followed him to his office.

 

As soon as I grabbed the wall, I became aware that he was already laughing. I recorded what he said to his many aides on my very small fly-sized Smartphone. He said, “I did it again. I snookered the folks back home. I told the truth and lied at the same time and, as usual, they are certain to believe me. I can’t wait to tell Tip O’Neill (or whoever the current Speaker of the House is) at Happy Hour tonight about what I did. Of course, I’m not going to levy any ole Flatulence Tax on the tax payers. I’m going to levy it on the evil cattlemen who raise those evil cattle. If they choose to pass it on to the Tax Paying Folks Back Home, it won’t be my doing. They are going to keep voting for me until the evil cows come home. For a long time to come there are going to be birds pooping on my statues all over my home state, wherever that is.”

 

I wanted to go slap him on his face but people hardly ever notice Fly Slaps. It made me wish I had worn my Big Green Hulk Outfit but, when I do that, people notice me hanging there and hardly ever really open up and let out their true feelings.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: The Cow Flatulence Tax was passed about 9 years ago. In recent years the second shoe has dropped. They are now proposing (already passed?) a Red Meat Tax and it starts with a Beef Tax. Sounds like doubling up to Fella. Can the T-Bone Disposal Tax be far behind?

 

 

 

Fat Thieves Are Now A World-Wide Concern

The profession of Thievery has a real problem. They are all getting fat.

There was a time when thieves would put on their masks and go out to commit crimes. They had to run from the police. They had to jump over fences. They had to do a lot of crouching down low and sneaking around.

All this physical activity led to a healthy lifestyle that resulted in our thieves being a very fit lot. In fact, they never went to a gym at all unless they went there to burglarize it.

Now they just sit at their computers and create scam emails, send them out and wait for the money to come rolling in. It is hard for many people to resist a plea for money from a Kazakhstanian who has a child born with no hands who stutters and has one functioning kidney that is on the verge of failing because Kazakhstan’s drinking water is saturated with quitanian crystals from the BP Oil Spill.

It has been reported that Mayor Bloomberg recently received one of these email solicitations for donations and he became very alarmed.

Actually he is not concerned about the child’s kidney problem. He became alarmed when an aide told him about the weight problem of the scammers.

He immediately called his advisors into emergency session to formulate a plan of action to reduce scammers’ weight in New York City and is hoping that the world will follow his lead.

My sources tell me that he and his advisors have zeroed in on the sugary cup size ordered by scammers in NYC’s fast food restaurants. At this time they have all agreed that scammers will be required to show their Internet Scammer/Thief Association Membership Card and then they will be limited to a 2 ounce cup.

That ought to do it. What clear thinking person could object to this approach?

Would I kid u?

Our Education System Is Making Students More Dumb

The first time I saw a news article about someone Texting While Driving I honestly thought that our News Media was sensationalizing again.

I said to myself, “Self, there they go again. They found the only person stupid enough to Text While Driving and put that dummy into their newspaper just so we would spend a nickel to buy a newspaper to read all about it.”

Now I find out that there is more than that one dumb person in the country. In fact, our Department of Transportation is calling Texting While Driving a National Epidemic...and it is getting worse.

43% of our high school juniors admit they text while driving

After another year of being educated in our high schools...

58% of our high school seniors admit they text while driving

I’m sure glad someone had the foresight to invent higher education. Our colleges and universities will fix this problem for sure...Or will they?

Would I kid u?

Pristine City Parks Or Bust!

Why do we say “or bust” in statements similar to the Subject Line of this Foolishness...Or Is It? After I pecked “or bust” above I decided to look up the etymology of the term.

After looking the etymology of the term up I decided to forget what I looked up because you really don’t care about what Mr. Etymology has to say, do you?

Wow! Talk about getting off on the wrong track with this Blog Posting! I am here and now officially changing the subject of this Blog Posting to...

Is Pristine All It’s Cracked Up To Be?

We are all familiar with public officials, bureaucrats, do-gooders or nosey people trying to protect us from evil. In the area where I live, we are very close to banning Tobacco from all City Parks.

That probably did not strike you as that unusual but take note that I said “Tobacco” not simply the “Smoking of Tobacco”.

My fellow citizens are about to ban Smoking and Dipping Snuff and the Chewing of Tobacco. The public officials, bureaucrats, do-gooders or nosey people behind this sweeping action have stated...

Our goal is to provide pristine facilities for our young people.

This tobacco banning thing got its start in the 1960s. I was OK with that but the movement went off the deep end when someone invented Second-Hand Smoke. I used to lie awake at night fearing Second-Hand Smoke.

My fear turned into thinking (another endangered American trait). I thought such things as, “Did I hear that right? Did that guy really tell me today that breathing in someone else’s dissipated and exhaled smoke was worse than dragging that filthy stuff into my lungs direct from a cigarette, letting it swish around in there for a bit and spewing it out through my nose?”

I understand that my local public officials are worried about protecting our children from breathing in someone else’s exhaust because they genuinely fear Second Hand Smoke. What I don’t understand is their concern that our children are going to have second-hand snuff jump into their little noses. How is someone else’s chaw, that was once stuffed between someone else’s cheek and gum, going to get between our precious little one’s cheeks and gums? These kinds of things are just not going to happen.

Mr. Merriam and Mr. Webster tell me that Pristine means “not spoiled, corrupted, or polluted”. That means to be truly Pristine they want us to avoid such things as...Many Modern American Children, Our Congress and the rivers in the Good Ole USofA.

Sometimes I think I am getting pessimistic but actually I’m really too cynical for that to happen.

Would I kid u?

Species Expansion & Endangered Species

My father owned a corner grocery store. There used to be lots of corner grocery stores. My grandfather owned 3 of them (did not operate them but rented them out). His 3 rented stores were located within a 4 block area. Did I say there used to be lots of them?

My father could have been rich if he had known how to properly price his Cheez-Its.

I don’t mean to be critical of him but he sold his boxes of Cheez-Its for 19 cents. If he had sold them for the $3.14 they are being sold for today, his family could have been wealthy.

I guess he did alright because he did put my brother and me through college and we owned a 1951 Desoto but I always wished he had not traded in his 1941 Packard.

I am certain that all of you see the absolutely unassailable logic of my premise that he was Pricing Maximization Challenged, so now I will get into today’s Foolishness..Or Is It?.

--------------------

Cheez-Its used to come in one flavor. It was called Cheese Flavored. Some called it Cheez-It Flavored. Today we are covered up in different flavors or varieties of products that once came in one color, one size, one flavor, etc.

Today “they” (whoever “they” are) keep pumping out different versions of their products and we keep buying up their “new” offerings. I once heard an acquaintance of mine say, “I have 2 laptops but I don’t have a blue one”. (You probably think I made this one up but I did not...Or did I?)

Back to Cheez-Its...

Cheez-Its now come in many different flavors, sizes and combinations. My local Publix has darn near an entire aisle devoted to Cheez-Its. If you are intending to purchase Cheez-Its during any visit to this store, it can be a dizzying and confusing experience. Here is what I saw the other day...

The Original Flavor (but it was hard to find), White Cheddar, Scrabble Junior, Colby, Mozzarella, Baby Swiss, Italian Four Cheese, Reduced Fat, Reduced Fat with Cheddar, Cars, Big (original) and Big (Monterey Jack), Hot & Spicy, Pepper Jack, 2 different DUOZ (2 flavors in one box), Cheddar Jack, Whole Grain, Snack Mix, Snack Mix Double Cheese, 12 Pack Boxes of Small Bags and Various Larger Family Size Boxes.

And Sunshine’s Web Site tells me they come in many sizes:

6 ct/3 oz, 2 oz vend, 4.5 oz, 2 ct/24 oz, 3 oz, 2 ct/9 oz, 9 oz, 21 oz, 13.7 oz, 7 oz

I feel fairly certain that the Cheez-Its Rep is constantly browbeating my Publix Manager about getting more shelf space so he can win that trip to Hawaii his wife is browbeating him about winning.

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Now for the Endangered Species part of the above subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It. It has to do with Politics.

In Politics, historically, there have always been two kinds of Politician. There was the Honest Politician and there was the Dishonest Politician. I’ll leave it up to you to decide which one is the Endangered Species.

Would I kid u?

Chick-fil-A & The Rose Bowl

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”.

If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

Before you even begin to read this one I am admitting to you that I am exaggerating ... A Little Bit.

The other day I was in a Chick-fil-A trying to enjoy my chicken soup but I was having hard time with the enjoying part. You don’t yet know where I am going with this Foolishness…Or Is It but you have all been in my situation. Let’s be honest, some of you have also ruined someone else’s lunch with your Cell Phone Voice.

I could not concentrate on my soup because of that guy at the table behind me who was talking on his cell phone as if he were the only person in that Chick-fil-A. There was no doubt that everyone in that dining area, the kitchen and the two drive-through lanes could hear this loud mouth telling his brother about his trials and tribulations with getting his car registration processed through the DMV.

Where does the Rose Bowl come into this picture? It is so obvious that you are going to kick yourself for not seeing it without my telling you.

If the Rose Bowl officials would open one of those press box windows and let this guy stick his head outside (with his cell phone at his ear), he could easily keep everyone informed about what is happening down on the field. They could rip out all those wires and speakers and let my Chick-fil-A fellow diner take over.

For the Half Time Entertainment he could tell everyone about his difficulties with the DMV.

Would I kid u?

I Don’t Know What That Is But I Know I Am Afraid Of It, Whatever It Is

My newspaper tells me that in Louisiana at McNeese State University an entire building was closed down until further notice because of possible asbestos contamination.

The Smartfella fully supports such an extreme action because we can’t have those asbestos thingies crawling around inside our young students.

The late Paul Harvey just came into my Computer Room and said there may have been an over-reaction in this case. He says I should tell you, The Rest of the Story...

On the third floor of Kaufman Hall a single door was cut in half by contractors and, “There was a release of some material. It is possible that asbestos was inside the door”.

The Smartfella has several areas of concern that lean toward over reaction...

• This is a building that is at least three stories high.
• They cut open one single door.
• They found “some material” was inside that one single door.
• If there is concern about what comes out when they cut open one single door, don’t cut open any more doors.

Of course there was “some material” inside. There is some material inside of every door. Are they really afraid that the something inside the door might have been something?

Would I kid u?

How Dare You Try To Prevent Disaster!

Sit up straight and pay attention to this one. It could be hard to follow but there is wisdom in here somewhere...Humorous Wisdom.
Words recently spoken in our 9% Approval Rated Congress...
“All members of Congress have conferred with me about this statement I am about to make. Yes that is right. All members are in full agreement about the imminent danger we are facing regarding the operation of our Post Offices across this great nation. We are demanding action!
Our Post Office has been floundering around and losing money for so long that is unconscionable that no action has been proposed by our Postmaster General to rectify this awful situation.
Without a specific and detailed plan to save the Post Office, the very fabric of life in the Good Ole USofA will be forever changed for the worst.”

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Heeding the serious prompting from our 9% Approval Rated Congress, our Postmaster General issued a specific and detailed plan to save the Post Office that same day.

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Words spoken the very next day in our 9% Approval Rated Congress in response to the Postmaster General’s specific and detailed plan to save the Post Office...
“All members of Congress have conferred with me about this statement I am about to make. Yes that is right. All members are in a state of shock that the Postmaster General has proposed a plan of action to save the Post Office.
What the heck is going on here? Does the Postmaster General really think our directive to take action to save the Post Office actually mean that we expected him to take action to save the Post Office?
This is extraordinary! What the heck is air for if it is not for members of Congress to poke holes into without having to worry about anyone taking us seriously?
If people in this country start paying attention to what we say, we stand ready to close all sessions of Congress and not let the folks back home know anything about what goes on in these hallowed chambers.
If we are going to be paid attention to, it will put a lot of pressure on us and actually take all the fun out of being a member of congress.”

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All right, I made up the two congressional speeches above...Or did I?

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If you have not had enough of reading about our Post Office and Congress, you can click on the link below and read the article that inspired me to write this Foolishness...Or Is It?.
http://news.yahoo.com/postal-loses-3-2b-2nd-161550610.html

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Before I let you go, a couple more comments from The Smartfella:
In this single article you will find two statements that, to my way of thinking (there I go thinking again), are in complete contradiction...
“The Senate last month passed a bill that would give the agency an $11 billion cash infusion...”

and

“The Postal Service, an independent agency of government, does not receive tax money for its operations...”
They must think we are stupid.
Oops, it just dawned on me that these two contradictory statements make perfect sense. It is not Tax Money. It is China’s Money.
Would I kid u?

After All We Have Done For Afghanistan, They Turn Around And Do This To Us! This Is awful!

I see where our president and the president of Afghanistan have signed the Strategic Afghan Pact. I am not one to be too critical but on this occasion I have a deep seated need to express myself.
There is language in the Pact that I feel the Afghans have no right to demand of the Good Ole USofA!...

Assurance that more will be done to combat corruption.

This is unconscionable! After all we have done for this country are they really taking the position that they will not take our money until and unless we get rid of corruption in the United States? This is one tall order!
We had every intention of going to an awful lot of trouble to borrow the money to give to them. If we have to get rid of corruption before they will take our money, I feel certain that there are some hotheads in our Congress who are going to strike back and go looking for other countries to borrow money for or they will just go straight to Happy Hour and ForgetAboutIt!
Would I kid u?

Some Are Going To Accuse Me Of Making This One Up

If you are the owner of a Guinness Book of World Records, please do not tell me. I would hate to think that a reader of my Foolishness...Or Is It blog could be silly enough to buy one of these foolish books.
I have really done it this time. I have insulted a whole bunch of people. Please allow me to put some weight behind my disparaging remarks...

Unwanted Cranial Ammunition Acquisition

There you have it. This is my opening salvo. Did I hear you just say you don’t know what the heck I am talking about?
I admit I did not handle that very well. Here is more information to support my position...

• Unwanted Cranial Ammunition Acquisition is a Record Category in the Guinness Book of World Records.
• This category is set up for the person (could there possibly be more than one?) who has a bullet embedded in his head that was not put there by the person with the bullet embedded in his head.

The news article that got me started on this was published in my local newspaper on April 27, 2012. The article sadly tells us about the record holder dying at the age of 103 on April 23^rd. His specific record was that he had been living with a bullet in his head longer than any other living bulleted person.
What exactly was his record? He was accidentally shot by his older brother in 1917. His record accumulation stopped on April 23^rd at 94 years and 6 months.
The saddest part of all this is the bulleted record holder did not learn he had been crowned the world record holder in the Unwanted Cranial Ammunition Acquisition category until 2006. That means he had only 6 years of being pleased as punch that he was such a special person.
What do you want to bet that this is not the only Foolish Category in the Guinness Book of World Records? That’s why I see this book as silly.
There is one category that I would be so interested in seeing that I might be willing to buy a book myself...

Wanted Cranial Ammunition Acquisition

Those who were willing to shoot themselves in their heads just so they would have a shot at being in the Guinness Book of World Records must be an interesting bunch of people to read about.
Many of you probably think I made up the category of Wanted Cranial Ammunition Acquisition. I think it is safe to say that some of those many are absolutely certain that I made up this category...Or are they?
Would I kid u?

Prioritizing Nonsense

Before I get into the meat of this bit of Foolishness allow me to sidetrack myself...
I just read where there are several cities that have been reported as so cash strapped that they may not be able to pay for the upcoming Presidential Election. In case you have never thought about it, think about it, it takes money to set up the apparatus for voters to be able to vote in any election.
http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/04/25/us-usa-campaign-elections-idUSBRE83O0YN20120425
It is no surprise that the Once Great City of Detroit is one of those cities. Having lived in the Detroit Area twice, it makes me sad to realize that “Once Great City” is going to be in front of the word “Detroit” for the foreseeable future.
Message from the Smartfella to the Once Great City of Detroit...I know where you can get at least $50,000 to pay for your presidential election.

Above is the sidetrack and below is the meat.

Recently a single issue of my local newspaper had two separate articles that my keen and observant eye noticed were related to each other.
They were both about the Once Great City of Detroit...
First Article: Detroit currently faces a $200 Million deficit and a $13.2 Billion long-term structural debt.
These are some serious numbers. This situation ought to make any city look very closely at any expenditure of money.
This is reality. How does Detroit deal with reality? The answer is Detroit attacks reality with Nonsense!
Second Article: The good people of Detroit have set aside $50,000 to erect a statue of RoboCop. (What do you want to bet it will cost a lot more than $50,000 before it is done?)
Is this what a city in dire straits ought to be spending its money on? ...

A statue to a Fictional Crime-Fighting Cyborg?

The movie was described in the article as, “A 1980s movie set in a futuristic and crime ridden Detroit”.
Dear reader, we have seen the future and the future is now but RoboCop can’t help because, no matter how much he costs, he can’t get off his pedestal and go around fixing things.
The people of the Once Great City of Detroit ought to know this.
Would I kid u?
NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.