I Have Not Voted To Raise Your Taxes One Cent Since You Sent Me To Washington D.C. To Be Your Senator

Lying Without Anyone Noticing

In Europe people who think up new ways to tax are ahead of people who think up new ways to tax in the Good Ole USofA. Over in Europe forward thinking thinkers have instituted the Cow Flatulence Tax.

 

Denmark and Ireland were some of the first European countries to tax cattle owners. Each cow costs $18 in taxes in Ireland, while Denmark charges farmers $110 per cow.

 

The thinking of the Tax Passers in Europe is that this is what they have to do to save the planet...Or will it?

 

The “justification” for a Cow Flatulence Tax is that cows release Methane Gas which they contend is one of the Greenhouse Gases that Cause Climate Change.

 

The people who think of new ways to tax in the Good Ole USofA have been preoccupied with their successful efforts to change our terminology for taxing from “Taxes” to “Revenue Enhancements”. They have not gotten around to addressing Cow Flatulence Taxes as of yet.

 

At this point Congress is still denying that such a tax is something they will ever do in the Good Ole USofA. Denying that they will ever do something is Congress’ way of saying...Just You Wait.

 

The other day none other than Senator Snidley Whiplash himself pledged on the Senate Floor that he will never allow such a tax when he said, “I will never allow such an underhanded and unnecessary tax to be levied on the American Tax Payer”.

 

I happened to be in the Senate when he made this pledge. Actually I happened to be standing right behind him in my potted plant outfit when he made this pledge. From that vantage point I noticed that he had his hands crossed behind him and the first two fingers on both hands were crossed.

 

Immediately after making his pledge he left the Senate Floor. They always quickly leave the Senate Floor immediately after stating their position on anything for fear that they might hear what the opposition might have to say about what they had to say.

 

Many of these Senators have been in Congress so long that they are getting feeble and can’t get out of the Senate Chamber as fast as they once could. You can always tell which of them have been there for decades because they have their fingers in their ears as they do their best to escape that Hallowed Chamber.

 

I quickly changed into my Fly On The Wall Outfit and followed him to his office.

 

As soon as I grabbed the wall, I became aware that he was already laughing. I recorded what he said to his many aides on my very small fly-sized Smartphone. He said, “I did it again. I snookered the folks back home. I told the truth and lied at the same time and, as usual, they are certain to believe me. I can’t wait to tell Tip O’Neill (or whoever the current Speaker of the House is) at Happy Hour tonight about what I did. Of course, I’m not going to levy any ole Flatulence Tax on the tax payers. I’m going to levy it on the evil cattlemen who raise those evil cattle. If they choose to pass it on to the Tax Paying Folks Back Home, it won’t be my doing. They are going to keep voting for me until the evil cows come home. For a long time to come there are going to be birds pooping on my statues all over my home state, wherever that is.”

 

I wanted to go slap him on his face but people hardly ever notice Fly Slaps. It made me wish I had worn my Big Green Hulk Outfit but, when I do that, people notice me hanging there and hardly ever really open up and let out their true feelings.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: The Cow Flatulence Tax was passed about 9 years ago. In recent years the second shoe has dropped. They are now proposing (already passed?) a Red Meat Tax and it starts with a Beef Tax. Sounds like doubling up to Fella. Can the T-Bone Disposal Tax be far behind?