I Am Tired Of Being Right So Often ... Or Am I?

Back in April 2008 I blogged this bit of Foolishness...

Princess Diana Will Never Die

What a great purchase! I now own a genuine crystal ball certified by the FDA, the American Medical Association, the CIA and Gypsies Are People Too, Inc. It really works. I am so pleased.

I gave it an initial tryout and looked to the year 2108. The ball told me that the 716th trial and/or hearing and/or investigation into the death of Princess Diana has ruled that she was killed in an accident in a Paris street tunnel while being chased by paparazzi in an automobile driven by a drunken limo driver. That’s the same verdict that was rendered in the prior 715 trials and/or hearings and/or investigations into how she died.

The article goes on to further state that the ruling will be appealed with the money coming from a Perpetual Appeal Trust Fund that was set up by the late Mohamed Fayed, the father of Diana's boyfriend at the time of her death.

Would I kid u?

It is now August 2013 and like the guy who jumped off of a 14 story building who said as he passed floor number 7, “So far so good”, my Diana Forever Prediction is right on target.

Now we are being instructed by our various News Organizations that we must get excited about Diana Being Murdered!...

Princess Diana Death Probe: British Media Reports Allegation That Royal's Death Was No Accident

If you want to read the entire article, you can go to this link: http://gma.yahoo.com/princess-diana-death-probe-british-media-reports-allegation-170105344--abc-news-topstories.html?vp=1

If not, here are some Tidbits...

• She was murdered by British Special Forces.
• The whole thing was covered up by everyone in the British Government including that Baby Prince who was born last month.
• The Metropolitan Police Service is involved in the investigation.
• Scotland Yard is involved but says they are not doing a re-investigation but are simply “scoping” out the allegations.
• The Specialist Crime and Operations Command is involved in the investigation.
• The Baby Prince is involved in the investigation.
• Mohammad al Fayed the father of Dodi al Fayed (Diana’s boyfriend) is saying, “I told you so”.
• Catchy phrases like “unlawful killing”, “grossly negligent driving”, “shocking allegations”, “sensational claims”, “conspiracy”, “murder” and “red-hot story” are again being thrown about.
• This new allegation came from the estranged parents of the wife of a former intelligence operative (otherwise known as hearsay about hearsay).

As usual the Smartfella will try and speak sanity to our insane world...

Can you imagine how many people would have to be in on such a murder conspiracy? In this day and age when everyone is spilling the beans about everything, does anyone really believe that one of the umpteen people that would have had to be involved to pull this murder off would not have tweeted this story, wrote a book about this story, posted on his FaceBook Wall or met in a downtown garage in the middle of the night to fill in Bob Woodward about all the juicy details?

The Smartfella just put on his Predicting the Future Hat and here is what I see...

After all this is over the temporary final determination will be that Princess Diana was killed in an accident in a Paris street tunnel while being chased by paparazzi in an automobile driven by a drunken limo driver.

I would think that Alex Rodriguez is looking around, after seeing all this Diana Consternation, and saying, “Hey! What about me?”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(606)

Technorati Tags: Princess Diana,Conspiracy,Paparazzi,Scotland Yard

Legal Happenings I Will Never See Happen But I Wish I Would

Just read in my Newspaper the following, “began what could be a lengthy legal battle”.

Do you see what’s bothering me? Why not? It ought to be bothering you. It is right in front of you. Oh well, this is why you have me.

Everything legal takes too long. I would love to see the following legal proceedings become commonplace in courtrooms throughout the Good Ole USofA...

• The judge sets aside part of Thursday afternoon to handle this very important issue.
• Since the matter before the courts is of long lasting legal significance, it is certain to take a wee bit of court time to get it resolved.
• A judge telling the attorneys that they had both made excellent opening arguments but advising them that each took 10 minutes and they ought to cut it down next time, that they were now going to break for lunch and when they return they would wrap the case up in time for happy hour.

I’m sure the lawyers reading this Wee Bit of Foolishness are saying to their collective selves...

Smartfella, you do not understand. Any issue that is brought into court ought to be properly obfuscated, dissected and twisted so that our clients can be assured that they have their Constitutionally Guaranteed right to receive that which they do not deserve.

Faced with such unassailable Lawyer Logic the Smartfella would feel properly put in his place and would readily admit he was sorry he had ever brought this issue up... Or would he?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(274)

Technorati Tags: Lawyers,Legal System,Judicial System

Petri-Burgers ... Part Two

Yesterday I published my blog about that Petri-Dish Beef Burger on the verge of being eaten in Europe. Yesterday there was also a news article in my local newspaper that would have told me (and you through me) that the burger had already been eaten. I did not read my newspaper yesterday. Please forgive me.

The link to my posting is (if you want to read it as a refresher): http://www.forii.blogspot.com/2013/08/save-world-go-out-and-shoot-cow.html

If I had read the news article in a more timely fashion, I would have known that the world has bigger fish to fry about this imitation beef burger. For many Jews, Muslims and Hindus, the first question is whether their faith allows them to eat this kind of beef.

I don’t know much of why the Muslims and Hindus are concerned but my newspaper did explain to me why there is much consternation in the Jewish Community about whether the patty is Kosher or not.

It seems that the Jewish Faith says a beef burger cannot be Kosher unless the cow in question had had its throat slit while it was still conscious. You probably just jumped the gun and shouted at your computer, “Hey Smartfella, there was no cow in that petri-dish to have its throat slit”.

Actually the Stem Cells that were put into that Petri-Dish did come from a cow that was once live. The burning question is, were the stem cells that grew in the Petri-Dish from a cow that was nervously looking left and right at the moment its throat was slit?

The Smartfella is of a mind to say that we really do have bigger fish to fry than this issue. We still have to come to grips with the likes of...

• What are we going to do about Lindsay Lohan?
• Should baseball players who do not use Performance Enhancing Drugs be allowed to use flat bats to even things up with those who do use PEDs?
• Should couples who are not gay be allowed to refer to themselves as married?

I’m sure glad I was destined from birth to be the Smartfella. If I were responsible for seriously addressing such thorny issue as these, I might go off the deep end and start pecking out things that really did not make sense...Or do I?

Would I Kid u?

Smartfella

(398)

BuzzNet Tags: Petri-Dish Burgers,Performance Enhancing Drugs,Kosher

Save The World! ... Go Out And Shoot A Cow!

I read an article in my newspaper entitled...

Scientists to Cook World’s First In-Vitro Beef Burger

It seems that 2 scientists over in Europe have been working for years trying to grow beef in labs in petri dishes. They have gotten to the point where they have grown enough beef to cook a Beef Burger. They are about to make up a patty, fry it in a pan and 2 volunteers stand ready to chow down.

The scientists are apparently trying to save the world with this experiment. Do you think I got carried away with this “save the world” comment? The scientists would contend that I was right on target.

They are saying this about the importance of their experiment...

Success would mean not just a tasty burger, but also the prospect of finding a sustainable, ethical and environmentally friendly alternative to meat production.

Did I just hear you say to yourself, “What’s so wrong with meat production?” I don’t want to come down too hard on you, dear reader, but it is this type of antiquated thinking that has held back real progress since God, or The Big Bang, invented the Human Race. Their contention is that Meat Production is one of the most evil happenings that has ever happened since Adam noticed that Eve was quite attractive.

The above far reaching statements did not just come from the silly mind of the Smartfella. According to a 2006 report by the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization...

Industrialized agriculture contributes on a “massive scale” to climate change, air pollution, land degradation, energy use, deforestation and biodiversity decline.

During WW2 a lot of bullets and bombs were directed at the competing forces. Imagine how much better off we all would be today if all those ballistics had been directed at cows.

It is just a shame that we were not as enlightened during WW2 as we are today. If we had been, we could have stopped a lot of cows dead in their tracks before they had their way with us and we could have turned that awful war into a thing of beauty.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(357)

43 Things Tags: Biodiversity,Climate Change,Air Pollution,Land Degeneration,Energy Use,Deforestation

Cars Banned On Colosseum Street ... Well It’s About Time!

My newspaper tells me that the Mayor of Rome is Pedestrianizing the busy street that cuts through Rome’s Ancient Forum to the Colosseum.

A lot of Romans are mad at him but that’s another story. This Blog Posting is going to concentrate on why my Newspaper thinks this street is Historically Significant.

I am fairly certain that in the long history of Rome there have been some awe-inspiring happenings on Colosseum Street but my Newspaper does not think they are as noteworthy as the one I will tell you about later in this Blog Posting.

Here are a few truly significant historical events that my newspaper overlooked...

• Remus What’s His Name returned from conquering everything in sight.
• Camillus the Great marched his troops into the Senate threw out all the bums that he found in there (it just so happened that the number of bums he found was equal to the number of Senators he found in there).
• Aurelian the Pretty Great made that speech that rallied the people of Rome to go out and put a stop to that Elephant Guy from Africa.

My newspaper does not think that any of the above obviously significant historical events is very important. My newspaper thinks Colosseum Street is most famous for...

...a route immortalized by Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck’s scooter ride in the 1953 film Roman Holiday.

As I have always said...

Everyone Is Entitled To His Own Stupid Opinion & That Includes My Newspaper

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(264)

43 Things Tags: Colosseum Street,Colosseum,Rome,Audret Hepburn,Gregory Peck,Roman Holiday

Lying On The Beach Being Thankful For All That You Do Not Have

In some circles this Time Magazine Cover Story from April 8, 1966 is still being praised as historic and ground breaking...

In the eyes of those Some Circles People, Time Magazine has now come up with another equally historic and ground breaking cover. The Smartfella wishes they would quit trying to be historic and ground breaking...

THE CHILDFREE LIFE
When having it all means not having children

There is something wrong with our Society when "all" does not include Children. Those two beautiful people lying on that beautiful beach would not be lying on that beautiful beach if their parents had been as “enlightened” as they are.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(126)

IceRocket Tags: Childfree Life,Time Magazine,Is God Dead?

Sometimes I Make Things Up & Sometimes I Don’t

Sometimes I make things up. Sometimes I tell you the absolute truth and you think I made up the truth I told you. Here is one you will accuse me of making up...
I was in a Starbucks the other day with about 40 other Bucksters. As I was soaking up the ambiance I saw a guy who was not reading an electronic device. He stood out like a sore thumb because the other 39 Bucksters were reading, typing on or poking at their electronic devices. Many of them were reading, typing on and poking at more than one electronic device.
There is a growing trend to have multiple electronic thingies surrounding us out there... Tablets, Smartphones and/or Laptops.
Number 40 looked so lost. He looked so alone. He looked so bewildered.
I went up to him to try and help him or at least to understand him. I said, “Why don't you at least read a newspaper?”
He looked at me with a lost, alone and bewildered expression on his face and said, “What's a newspaper?”
I did not make this up but what I actually did was put on my Smartfella Seeing Into The Future Hat and saw into the future.
What I am not certain of is how far I looked into the future. Did I look 20 Years into the future or did I look 10 Years into the future or was I seeing 1 Year into the future?
One thing I can guarantee you, my dear readers is... I was seeing the future.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
(273)

del.icio.us Tags: Starbucks,Future,Newspaper

Are You Smart? or Are You Dumb?

Through the magic of TiVo I have recorded the detailed warnings about a Very Popular Pill that is being advertised heavily on TV these days…

• Increases the chance of heart attack or stroke which can lead to death.
• The risk of heart attack increases if you have heart disease or high blood pressure.
• All of the above risk factors increase if our medication is taken for a long period of time.
• Increases the chance of skin irritations.
• Increases the chance of allergic reactions.
• Increases the chance of stomach or intestine problems such as bleeding ulcers which can occur without warning and may cause death.
• Patients also taking aspirin and the elderly are at increased for stomach bleeding and ulcers.
• Don’t take our pill if you have bleeding in the stomach or intestines or have an asthma attack or hives, other allergies to aspirin and sulfonamides.
• Get help right away if you begin having swelling of the throat, the face or have trouble breathing.

There was a tag on the bottom of the screen at about this point in the ad warnings that said...

“Including ulcers or bleeding or intestines, kidney or liver problems, or heart failure.”

I guess this must be called an Etcetera Warning.

The subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It? was...

Are You Smart? or Are You Dumb?

I will know the answer to this question if you contact me asking for the name of this Very Popular Pill because you are very anxious to start taking it.

                                          

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(303)

I Sincerely Apologize To Our Judicial System

I have been hard on our System of Justice in many a Foolishness...Or Is It? Blog Posting. I now have a whole new respect for our Judicial System.

I would like to send an apology but I don’t know where to send it. I thought about sending it to Chief Justice Roberts but I’m not speaking to him. Maybe he will read this Blog Posting and he will know how sorry I am without any direct contact groveling from me.

Oh yea, I need to tell you why I have this change of heart. That Cleveland Guy who kidnapped those 3 women for 10 years has been sentenced to...

• Life in prison
• Plus 1,000 years
• Without chance for parole

My first impulse was to comment about the 1,000 years. That seems to be unrealistic without Congress passing a law that stipulates that the Cleveland Guy cannot die in less than 1,000 years. Since Congress has not acted in this regard I was ready to take our Judicial System to task for being quite a bit silly in giving him a penalty that he cannot serve out.

Then it dawned on me. Our Judicial System knows from past experience that, if they had sentenced Cleveland Guy to...

• Life in prison
• Anything less than 1,000 years
• Without chance for parole

...he would have been back on the street in 7 Years.

I am sorry about all those bad things I have been saying about them. Our Judicial System is Brilliant!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(267)

Flickr Tags: Judicial System,Ariel Castro,Kidnapping,Cleveland

All Hail The King Of The Good Ole USofA!

The president is going around making beaucoup (Louisiana talk for Many, Much, Lots) speeches about our economy. I have a brilliant idea about how he could stimulate the economy of the Good Ole USofA but I’m not going to tell him because I am mad at him.

You probably think I am being unpatriotic by keeping my Economic Wisdom to myself but I have good reason to be this way and that’s because I gave him good advice and he has ignored that good advice.

Within days of him being elected in 2008 I sent him a list of perfectly logical ideas that would have made our country a better place to live in but he has not enacted a single one of my very logical recommendations. He has hurt my feelings, and to be quite honest with you, I have lost a lot of faith in his good judgment.

I’ll give you an example of just one of my brilliant ideas...

Make sports teams with the largest amount of tattoos lose every game.

If you wanna see the whole letter, read the Yellow below. If you remember every word because you have read the list over and over since its publication, skip over the yellow below and continue on with today’s Foolishness which follows...

Dear Mr. New President

Please take into consideration the pressing issues I am directing to your attention by way of this communication…

• Tattoos … Make sports teams with the largest amount of tattoos lose every game.
• Tattoos Again … Until you get legislation passed regarding my tattoo request above, please electronically put those smudges that hide the faces of criminals on the nightly news over all of their tattoos.
• Radio & TV … Require that the announcers on all commercials stop shouting at the American People.
• RAP Artists … Require that they get real names and learn how to spell.
• Handicapped Parking Spots … Require that anyone who parks in a handicapped parking space, that is not handicapped, become handicapped.
• Postal Service … Require that the Counter Agents at the Post Offices smile once an hour.
• Postal Service, Again … Require that Counter Agents not go on break as soon as the number of people waiting in line gets to six.
• Privacy Notices … Stop sending those Privacy Notices every time we turn around and have the heads examined of the three people in the United States who actually do read them.
• Dumb White Guys … Stop TV commercial makers from always depicting the White Males as ignorant buffoons. I find it unrealistic and insulting that we have to always be instructed how to do anything and everything by every other type of species on the planet. This includes other men, women, children and talking animals.
• SUV Drivers … Those SUV Drivers that can't seem to fit their vehicles within the lines of their respective parking spaces should have their SUV taken away and replaced with a Yugo.

Mr. President, I am well aware that you may have one or two more pressing issues on your plate than some of my requests. I trust that you will do your best to get right on what I am asking of you because, I am equally certain, you can see that the need for action on each of these pressing issues is self-evident.
Please do instruct your Chief Of Staff to advise me once these ten have been addressed and I will send you some more.
Would I kid u?

Today’s Brilliant Idea...

My TV told me that last week in Great Britain the celebration that followed the birth of their new prince George Alexander (cuz he was born on the Smartfella’s birthday) Louis resulted in the consumption of $95 Million of Alcohol. That’s a lot of stimulation to the British Economy!

The Talking Head that informed me of the above fact went on to say that there are 55 Million British Type People. In contrast there are over 300 Million Americans. This means, if we had had a baby prince born last week like they had a baby prince born last week, we would have consumed over $500 Million in Alcohol Sales. What a boon to our struggling economy this would have been!

In order to stimulate our economy we ought to get ourselves a King and a very fertile Queen as soon as possible. We ought to not assign them any responsibilities other than the production of little Princes and Princesses.

Imagine more than $500 Million in economic stimulation every 9 months and 3 days! This by itself could turn around our dire economic situation all by itself.

I wonder if our president has any ideas about who should be our first king.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

LiveJournal Tags: King,Prince,George Alexander Louis

I Must Be Getting Old Because Some Things I Understand & Some Things Are Beyond Me

I used to understand everything because everything used to be logical. I can follow logic.

I always thought that if a person killed someone, and everyone knew he killed that someone, he would be put on trial and he would get the death penalty. I do understand that “would get the death penalty” has been changed to “may get the death penalty”. This “would” vs. “may” conundrum is not the reason for my confusion.

It’s the proceedings in the James “Whitey” Bulger trial that has me so baffled. This trial has taught all of us that, if a person kills 10 people, he will not get the death penalty.

Here is a quote from my newspaper...

“A former top henchman of James “Whitey” Bulger said he pleaded guilty to 10 murders so he could avoid the death penalty”.

This makes the Smartfella wonder, if he had killed more than 10 people, would he have been given a Letter of Commendation?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(182)

Technorati Tags: Bulger,Death Penalty,Murder

Obviously The Obvious Is Not Obvious

My newspaper tells me...

“In the next phase of the case, the city must prove that it is insolvent.”

If my trusty newspaper were talking about any other city I would understand the need to jump through this Legal Hoop but my newspaper is talking about Detroit!

Detroit is Insolvent and its Insolvency ought to be obvious.

What’s next?...

• Your honor, it is incumbent upon this rotting body on the floor of this courtroom to prove it is dead before the court can proceed with any action against my client.
• Your honor, I acknowledge that the deceased jumped off that 14 story building. I will grant the court that he did this in front of 7 witnesses. It is well known that he tweeted the 7 witnesses asking them to be present to observe his fall from life. I have seen the certified letter he had in his pocket as he fell in which he had written in his own hand, “I want to die”. What I do not see is any evidence that he committed suicide.
• Your honor, simply because the Federal Government’s latest Form 1040 has been shortened to 2 lines, “How Much Did You Make Last Year” and “Send It In”, does not mean we ought to jump to the conclusion that our government wants all of our money.

It just may be that our Judicial System will be able to forgo any further legal haggling over whether or not Detroit is Insolvent by looking into any of the Online Dictionaries which now have a little picture of the Detroit Skyline next to... “Insolvent” and “Bankrupt”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

43 Things Tags: Detroit,Bankrupt,Form 1040,Insolvent

Do Jackasses Wear Horse Shoes?

If Jackasses do wear the same kind of shoes as horses do, then there is a lot of work for The Detroit Water Department’s Horseshoer.

(I’m giving 3 links to assure you that I did not make this up.)

Click Here: http://www.michigancapitolconfidential.com/17404

or

http://now.msn.com/the-city-of-detroit-still-has-a-horseshoer-on-staff

or

http://jonathanturley.org/2012/08/21/detroit-continues-to-maintain-horseshoer-despite-the-absence-of-horses/

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

IceRocket Tags: Detroit,Horseshoer

A Perfectly Appropriate Name For The Prince

The above picture is entitled, “You Named Me What?”

(Yes, my son, your name is, “What?”)

We are all well aware of the fact that some of us (or should I say some of them?) have been choosing Unusual (to say the least) Baby Names.

Celebrities seem to have a particular need to do this to their newly born offspring...

• Kayne West & Kim Kardashian recently named their child “North”. We all should have seen it coming... “North West”.
• Others to admire... Yoda, Hailo, Lizbeth, Poppy, Memphis, Breccan, Snow, Beautyful, Goodness, Ikea, Money, Pryce, Carrion (Nicknamed Roadkill), Emporer, Handsome, Harshit & Harshita, Maximum, Messer, Rage, Vader, Suri (Tom Cruise) You get it?…Suri Cruise , Jermajesty, Rainbow, Audio Science, Kyd, Moon Unit, Pilot Inspektor, Moxie Crimefighter, Rocket & Finally Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson (this one gets the prestigious Mouthful Award).

This name I am hereby proposing is perfectly appropriate for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s baby boy born yesterday. Yes they are Celebrities but they are Royal Celebrities and that makes them smarter than the average Hollywood Celebrity, does it not?

The more I think about my name for Baby Cambridge the more confident I am that this is the name that they will choose...

Union Jack

See, I told you it was perfect!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Boy! When I finished with this one my Spell Checker was Smoking.

del.icio.us Tags: Prince,British Heir,Kate,William,Unusual Baby Names

How Do “They” Know That? (Part Next)

They are at it again. They are feeding us alarming statistics. They are getting us upset by warning us about darn near everything you can imagine. As when I wrote Part 1, the question still is, are they making these shocking, interesting, gargantuan numbers up?
The other day I caught myself in the beginning of a panic and got control of my senses. I said to myself, “Self, calm down. It is not possible that they can know what they say they know”.
Here are a few fine examples of things that they say I ought to be worried about...

• My TV recently told me that every year Domestic Cats kill 12.3 Billion Mammals. We think of these little fuzzy friends as harmless but it appears the nights are alive with the dying gasps of the likes of Rodents, Chipmunks, Squirrels, Birds, etc. To show you how gullible they think we are, they even get very specific about Birds by saying that 2.4 Billion of the 12.3 Billion are Birds. Come to think of it, I have noticed a marked decline of the Etceteras in my neighborhood in recent years.
• We are all more than well aware that Egyptians gets upset about lots of things. When they get upset they take to the streets and shout about what they are upset about. I accept the fact that they take to the streets and shout but what I find hard to accept is my TV telling me that 8 million of them recently took to the streets against their President Morsi the First. How did they know that it was 8 Million? Did it take 12 million Official Egyptian Counters to count up to 8 million Shouting-In-The-Streets Egyptians?
• Just the other day my radio told me that 100 Million Wildlife Animals are killed each year illegally. As with the Egyptian Counters, the only way they could know this is to have Official American Poaching Counters hidden all over the Good Ole USofA counting the dying Wildlife as they fall. Can you imagine how high the Unemployment Rate in this Country would be if all these counters (disguised as bushes) were not employed by the Federal Government?

Could it possibly be that they are lying to us about all these Exacting Humongous Numbers? I could easily believe that the Egyptians were lying to us. What you will never get me to believe is our Federal Government was lying to us.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
(450)
Lagniappe: In case you have not had enough of me, you can go to the URL below and read How Do They Know That? (Part 1)... http://forii.blogspot.com/2009/11/how-do-they-know-that.html

Flickr Tags: Egyptians,Morsi,poaching,wildlife

What A Relief! I Now Know What I Am Going To Do With The Rest Of My Life.

I have achieved inner peace. From now on I’m going to search the Internet and Copy & Paste Zimmerman Headlines, put them into a listing and email them to you.

Here is the first installment...

• Did the forensics lie in the Zimmerman trial?
• The winds may be shifting in the Zimmerman verdict
• NAACP's Hilary Shelton reacts to Zimmerman acquittal
• Department of Justice at 'dead end' in Zimmerman case?
• George Zimmerman's Acquittal: Four Blunt Observations
• Prominent Black Feminist Author Compares George Zimmerman to Che Guevara’s Killer
• Was Nancy Grace's George Zimmerman comment racist?
• George Zimmerman's Attorney and Friend Speak Out
• Why 'Kill George Zimmerman' Facebook Pages Still Exist
• Zimmerman is a city in Sherburne County, Minnesota, United States.
• DOJ to Sanford, Fla. police: Hold on to Zimmerman evidence
• Zimmerman Trial: $33,000 spent on sequestered jurors
• New Black Panthers Offer $10K For George Zimmerman Capture
• Ted Nugent Wants George Zimmerman To Sue Trayvon Martin’s Parents
• George Zimmerman, Son of a Retired Judge, Has 3 Closed Arrests
• Zimmerman Medical Report Shows Broken Nose, Lacerations After Trayvon Martin Shooting
• In the George Zimmerman case, the jury has spoken
• George Zimmerman's brother apologizes for offensive tweets
• George Zimmerman was 'justified' in shooting Trayvon Martin, juror says
• Zimmerman's Parents in Hiding from 'Enormous Amount of Death Threats
• Jimmy Carter: George Zimmerman Jury 'Made The Right Decision'

Actually this Zimmerman Guy has been up to no good a lot longer than you think. This may have been the beginning of his troublemaking but I’m not sure if it was or not...

The Zimmermann Telegram (or Zimmermann Note) was a 1917 diplomatic proposal from the German Empire for Mexico to join the Central Powers, in the event of the United States entering World War I on the side of the Entente Powers. The proposal was intercepted and decoded by British intelligence. Revelation of the contents outraged American public opinion and helped generate support for the United States declaration of war on Germany.

That’s enough. I have decided that this is not a good idea. I am going to do something more useful. I am going to Watch Paint Dry.

That may not sound like a good way to spend the rest of my life to you. Actually it isn’t bad. One day the paint will be dry and I can stop watching it. The Zimmerman Headlines show every sign of Never Drying Up.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

LiveJournal Tags: George Zimmerman

Violence Erupts In Egypt

Of course there is violence in Egypt. Is there an Egypt? Is it new day? Ergo violence is erupting in Egypt.

My TV shows pictures of Egyptians throwing Rocks at everything you can imagine. The prior sentence holds the crux of the problem.

As usual, I don’t just weep and gnash my teeth. I have a fix for the problem…

There are two elements that, as long as they exist, the Egyptian Violence Problem will never go away. One is Ignorant People and the other is Rocks. Take away either one of them and the problem goes away.

However, only one of them is something that can be controlled. Since there is no way to get rid of Ignorance in Egypt, I recommend that Egypt get rid of all their Rocks.

Piece of cake... Problem solved.

I told you I have a way of seeing through to the essential elements of thorny issues.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Somebody Had To Do Something!

What a relief! What I am about to relay to you is a very unsettling situation which has reached epidemic proportions.

I was in my gym the other day when I took note of a lot of commotion in a corner of the floor exercise area. What I saw happening there was a great relief to me because it is something I have been worried about for some time now.

It was an exercise class for women that concentrated exclusively on exercises to strengthen their Neck Muscles. I know you have noticed this unsettling phenomenon yourself...

• Every time you stop for a traffic light you are sure to see the women in the cars around you looking down at the bottom of the steering wheel.
• They absolutely cannot hold their heads up!
• They know they are in trouble because, when it gets near to the time that the light is about to change, they valiantly try to pick their heads up but their neck muscles cannot rise to the task and their heads fall down again.
• Many times the cars behind them have to blow their horns to get them moving.
• In the most severe cases of Weak Neck Muscle Syndrome (WNMS) you will see their heads fall again while they are actually moving forward.

This is an awful dangerous situation and has caused quite a few accidents throughout the Good Ole USofA.

Don’t get mad at me because I have pointed out this situation and have zeroed in on only women having WNMS. Many of you will get real excited and accuse me of being ignorant of the modern widely accepted contention that men and women are equal in all respects both physical and mental.

I must stand my ground on this one because it has been proven that men have stronger neck muscles because they are always turning them left and right while driving looking for where they can stop and buy beer. That is an excellent neck muscle strengthening exercise which prevents WNMS for rearing its ugly head in the male of the species.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Technorati Tags: Texting,Texting while driving,Epidemic

Now You See Him ... Now You Don’t ... Or Do You Don’t?

My newspaper now is telling us all that there really is an Edward Snowden. He has surfaced and has said he wants to temporarily be allowed to stay in Russia before being mysteriously swished off to somewhere else. It looks like he is going to be in the news for a long time to come.

Personally the Smartfella is relieved. As long as Snowden is out there doing whatever he does while he is out there, we are not being subjected to the comings and goings of Lindsey Lohan.

Until Snowden resurfaced this (below) is what the Smartfella was thinking as he tried to conjure up a Blog Posting about him. As you read through my musings you will see that some of my past concerns are still valid…

News reports kept saying Snowden was actually somewhere. They repeatedly said things like, “He is believed to be holed up in a Transit Lounge at a Moscow Airport”.

Did you notice the big word in the above paragraph? I’m sure you did. It’s the word “a”. “A” is the Indefinite Article and its use by our intrepid reporters meant they were not even sure which airport he was hiding in.

I kept wondering why was it that we did we not have pictures of him in an airport? In our Smartphone Camera World we have pictures of anything and everything as soon as anything or everything happens…

If you set your alarm for 3am and went out into the middle of the street in front of your house on a moonless night and dropped your pants and Mooned the Missing Moon, there would be pictures of you Mooning the Missing Moon on the Internet within 3 minutes.

There were lots of other unanswered questions about Snowden...

1. Where is he sleeping?
2. Is he curled up on the floor in the corner of a lounge?
3. Is he making other lounge visitors/residents mad because he is taking up more space than he should because he is stretched out over two chairs?
4. Where does he brush his teeth?
5. Is he surviving on a diet of those little Gold Fish Crackers?
6. If he is required to buy his own Gold Fish Crackers, where does he get the money to buy those little fellows?

Now you see that what I said about unanswered questions was true. My own opinion is Snowden is furiously working on a book that will be entitled, Wasting Time or How I Made the Entire World Speculate Incessantly About Me While I was Munching on Gold Fish Crackers in an Unnamed Moscow Airport Lounge.

I can’t believe I wrote this blog posting. You can’t believe you read this blog posting. If you are unhappy that you took the time to read this one, go back to the top and not read what you just read.

All of this makes one wonder what Lindsey Lohan is doing.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

BuzzNet Tags: Lindsey Lohan,Edward Snowden

Your Attention, Please! It Is Time For The News!

News broadcasts constantly have scrolls and/or flashing signs during Television News Shows that alert us to the fact that what we are being subjected to is extremely important.

The screen is alive with the words “Breaking News!” or we see “News Alert!” flashing in the lower right hand corner of the screen as they shout at us the momentous details of what we ought to be worried about at this very moment.

Do our schools not teach the story about The Boy Who Cried Wolf any longer?

I knew for certain that all this hysteria has gone too far last night as I was watching the Weather Report. There was my Weatherman telling me I ought not to go outside because of the Extreme Drizzle that was currently descending upon us all.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

43 Things Tags: News Broadcasts,News Alert,Breaking News