Permanent Headline

Some things never change. Even with the magic of computers, newspapers take quite a bit of time to assemble before they are thrown into the gutters in front of our houses.

I am ready to do my part to make publishing newspapers a bit easier.

The following Headline can be set up permanently so it does not have to be pecked out again to insert at the top of each day’s article about Immigration…

Congress Fails To Act On Immigration Reform

There you have it. I have done my part to shorten the workday of the hard working people of the Newspaper Industry.

I feel better.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella 

Lagniappe:

Ø Did I just hear 3 of my Dear Readers say to their collective selves that I have now ventured into Partisan Politics because I am jumping on the Democratically Controlled House of Representatives?

Ø Allow me to point out that I don’t see the Republican Controlled Senate jumping on the Immigration Reform Bandwagon.

Ø I also did not see the Republican Controlled House and Senate riding past me on any Immigration Reform Bandwagons before the 2018 Elections.

Separate But Separate

We once had Separate but Equal in the Good Ole USofA. Now we have Separate but Separate.

In his inaugural address in January 1963, Governor George Wallace of Alabama thundered: “Segregation now, segregation tomorrow, and segregation forever”. 

Those who remember who Wallace was have said a lot of bad things about him since he said those Awful Words. Here are a few examples…

Ø What an Awful Guy!

Ø How could anyone ever have voted for him knowing that he is such an Awful Guy!

Ø He is such an Awful Guy someone ought to shoot him (someone did shoot him)!

It turns out that Governor Wallace is going down in history as the Awful Guy who had the power to see into the distant future about the “tomorrow” part of his Awful Words in 1963.

***************

More than half a century later, Racial Segregation is well engrained into many American Colleges and Universities.

Wallace had in mind the exclusion of blacks from white-only institutions. Today’s Racial Segregation, by contrast, consists of ethnic groups walling themselves off within institutions of higher learning.

A short time after the Supreme Court’s 1954 Brown v. Board of Education verdict, black students in predominantly white higher educational institutions began requesting Segregation.

This has come to be called Neo-Segregation (voluntary racial segregation of students, aided by college institutions, into exclusive dormitories, common spaces, classes, and events).

Neo-Segregation differs from Jim Crow Segregation because it is voluntary: It invites students of color to separate themselves out from the rest of the campus.

In the past two years the National Association of Scholars surveyed 173 colleges and universities, public and private, in all 50 states. The surveyors found…

Ø 46% of schools surveyed Segregate Student Orientation Programs.

Ø 43% of schools surveyed Segregate Residential Arrangements.

Ø 72% of schools surveyed Segregate Graduation Ceremonies.

These arrangements are ostensibly voluntary but students can’t easily opt out because the social pressure to conform is overwhelming.

All of this is being done, not because the administrations want it this way but because the students want it this way.

***************

Where have I been?  

This is Fella pecking out this Blog Posting. This is the guy who notices stuff, the guy who is always blogging about what he reads in the newspaper and the guy who some consider well read but I have to admit I did not realize this craziness had gone this far.

Maybe the answer lies in that fact that, in the old days (I come from the old days) it was all over the news when people demonstrated that they wanted to Integrate. Today the students say they want to Segregate and the School Administrations give in before the demonstrations get started.

As soon as the School Administrations get a hint that their students are unhappy and are contemplating a demonstration, they rush out and say to the milling students…By golly, students, no need to go to all the trouble of organizing a demonstration. We will give you whatever it is you want. We know that you know what’s best. Who are we to question students? Besides we are afraid that you might start demonstrating and every time you do that we get so confused because it takes us weeks before we can figure out what you are demonstrating about”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Some of the “accomplishments” of Neo-Segregation are…Separate Dorms, Separate Libraries, Separate Dances, Separate Advisers, Separate Orientations, Separate Curriculum and the African-American Studies Program (which requires Separate Faculty Members with Separate Qualifications). All of this falls under the heading of Progress…Or does it?

“Woman” Ain’t In There

I see where one of the candidates for President of the Good Ole USofA said that the word “woman” is not in the Constitution. After having said that he seemed pretty pleased with himself. Maybe he looked so smug because he had just demonstrated that his staff knows how to use the Find and Replace Feature in Microsoft Word.

I decided to use Find and Replace to look up the word “Man” and here is what I found… The word “Man” is not in the Constitution either.

To be perfectly honest the 3 letters that are used to make up the word “Man” are in there…

Ø They are used in the word “manner” 11 times.

Ø They are used in the word “commander” 1 time.

Ø They are used in the word “demand” 1 time.

Ø They are used in the word “Gilman” 1 time.

Ø They are used in the word “Sherman” 1 time.

Ø They are used in the word “manufacture” 1 time.

Ø They are used in the word “emancipation” 1 time.

I wonder if this waste-of-time research makes me look as smug as the candidate looked smug when he revealed the results of his staff’s Find and Replace Research.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Dear Mr. Candidate, don’t feel badly. The words “silly”, “foolish” and “smug” are not in the Constitution either.

Facebook Users Beware!

I have gone into my “New In Process” Blog Folder again. You may remember this is where I keep unfinished Blog Ideas (some of them could officially be classified as Harebrained but they are sitting in there anyway).

To be more precise, I decided to take a look at the oldest one. It became the oldest one in March 2012. It was one of the 297 in there waiting to become something.

Some of them may never come out of the Folder but this one is today actually becoming a Foolishness…Or Is It Blog Posting and you, My Dear Lucky Reader, are about to read it below…Or are you?

Don’t you dare think about not bothering to read on because it is so old. Another Smartfella a long time ago said “Silliness Springs Eternal”. (I hope I did not get that quote wrong.)

***************

In the State of Ohio Foolishness is reigning supreme.

An estranged husband has been ordered to publish on his Facebook Page an apology every day for a month because he had previously published mean comments about his estranged wife.

Actually the comments have been designated by the court as “Mental Abuse”, “Harassment” and “Annoying”. Pretty serious stuff! It is hard to believe that someone would stoop so low as to use the Internet to be Annoying.

Did I just hear you say, “What if the husband refused to comply with the court’s order?” The Court has said, if he does not comply, he will be sent to jail for 60 days.

You Facebook People are in serious trouble! Precedent has been set! Our Legal System is based on precedent. Here is what could be waiting for you in your Facebooking Future...

Ø Making Iffy Statements on Facebook will draw 30 days in jail.

Ø Making Stupid Statements on Facebook will draw 60 days in jail.

Ø Making Unconscionable Statements on Facebook will draw 90 days in jail.

If You Do the Crime, You Have to Do the Time

***************

I am not worried in the least that Foolish Statements will be sending me into jail. Not that Foolishness is not worthy of jail time but I deactivated my Facebook Page a long time ago.

If I had to completely fabricate topics for my blog, it would be really hard work. Actually topics are easy to find thanks to the good sisters of St. Anthony of Padua Grammar School. They taught me how to read. All I do is read my newspaper each morning.

Finding Silliness is so easy because the Foolishness Will Always Be With Us. (I can’t put my finger on why but there is something poor about that catchy bolded phrase I just pecked out.)

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: What we need in the Good Ole USofA are judges who, when presented with cases like this one, will step right up and say, "I am not going to allow your case to be brought before me because I have other matters to consider which are about important stuff".

Lagniappe Another: What our Judicial System needs to do is ban the Mole Hill from our courtrooms. The Mountains are being pushed into the next calendar year while our judges listen to impassioned pleas about Mole Hills.

Tell Me Again Exactly Why I Should Buy Your Medicine

I’m touching again on something I have touched on before...Drug Ads On TV.

I have touched on the fact that they have more Dire Side Effects then you can wrap your brain around including Sudden Death. I questioned whether or not you should take a drug that has so many opportunities to do you harm.

The one that is the most logical is the one that warns...If You Are Allergic to Our Drug, You Should Not Take Our Drug. 

In high school we would have said. “No chit, Sherlock!”

***************

While driving in my car the other day I took notice of a new caution coming out of my radio (yes I do have the ability to drive and notice at the same time). It said...

This product is not intended to Diagnose, Treat, Cure or Prevent Any Disease.

Let me see if I understand all of this...

Ø It could help you.

Ø It could harm you.

Ø The only thing that guaranteed is, if you spend your beer money to buy our drug, you will have less money left with which to buy beer.

If the word ever gets out about this third bullet, their sales will fall like a rock.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

When Did Russia Start Trying To Interfere Electronically With The Good Ole USofA?

Everyone knows Russia started to mess electronically with the Good Ole USofA just before the 2016 Presidential Election. Why did they all of a sudden get so brazen?

I don’t like having people who are ill informed reading my silliness. If you were in agreement as you read through the above paragraph, maybe my blog is not for you. May I recommend People Magazine or Comic Books?

************************

If I did not make you mad in the paragraph above and you are still reading this Blog Posting, allow me to update your apparent limited knowledge of Russian Electronic Meddling with the Good Ole USofA.

First of all, you are way off with your thinking that Russia started electronically meddling in the last 3 years. How much way off? Don’t get your feelings hurt because you have a lot of other people believing this 3 years estimate but you and your other people are about 40 Years Off.

************************

Do you know what a Keylogger is? If not you are about to get a very brief education on Keyloggers...
Ø A Keylogger is a particularly insidious type of Spyware that can record and steal consecutive keystrokes (and much more) that users enter on a device.

Ø Using a Keylogger can allow Cyber Criminals to eavesdrop through your System Camera or through your Smartphone’s Microphone or through your Keyboards.

Do you remember the Typewriter? Go a step further. Do you remember the IBM Selectric Typewriter? The Russians started meddling with the IBM Selectric Typewriter in the Mid-1970s.

Way back then Soviet spies developed an amazingly clever hardware Keylogger that targeted IBM Selectric typewriters in the US Embassy and Consulate buildings in Moscow and St Petersburg.

Once installed, the Keyloggers measured the barely detectable changes in each typewriter’s regional magnetic field as the print head rotated and moved to type each letter.

In those days we were smarter than Russians because we figured out what they were doing and we thwarted their sneaky efforts by opting to use manual typewriters rather than electric ones for typing classified information.

We showed them. We made them crawl back into their dark places and say to their collective selves, “Selves, those Americans sure are smart! We are never going to ever try that kind of sneaky thing again!”...Or were they going to not?

Would I kid u?
Smartfella

Let's Go Ahead Because We Now Have The Go Ahead...Or Should We Wait Before We Go Ahead?

Businesses must spend money before they can make money. A Widget Factory must be built before Widgets can be built. Imagine the angst that would be created if, as soon as Widgets R Us completes the construction of their new State of the Art Widget Factory, Widgets were suddenly outlawed.

It just might be a wiser course of action for businesses to wait 2 or 3 or 5 years before they spend a whole bunch of money Going Ahead with the Go Ahead until they find out if a Judge is going to step in and put a hold on the Go Ahead and caused the Went Ahead Company to have wasted all the money it spent getting ready to take advantage of the Go Ahead they had gotten.

The stock holders will come down on management like a ton of bricks accusing them of Going Ahead with the Go Ahead before they found out if the Go Ahead was a Temporary Go Ahead or a Permanent Go Ahead.  

************************

Prime example of what is causing me to confuse you like this is that the Obama Administration issued an Executive Order, just weeks before it left office, which banned drilling in about 125 million acres of the U.S. Arctic Ocean and 3.8 million acres of the Atlantic Ocean.

President Trump issued a Counter Executive Order during his First Months in Office to overturn the Obama Administration’s last minute ban.

Two years later (on March 29, 2019) a federal judge in Alaska reinstated the Last Minute Ban.

************************

Uncertainty Has Certainly Become a Certain Problem

Why can’t judges act more quickly? Drilling for oil is very expensive undertaking and cannot be turned on and off as easily as politicians can sign go ahead directives and judges can sign cease and desist directives to cancel those signed go ahead directives.

Imagine the money that may have been spent by oil drilling companies getting ready to start getting ready to suck the oil or gas out of the ground only to have a judge say the Ready To Spring Into Action Company can’t start sucking the oil or gas out of the ground.

All that spent money does not come back into their coffers when a judge says they can’t proceed. Are businesses in the future going to stop acting on the authority to do what they do (spend money to make money and deliver products and services) because future judges may outlaw what they were lawfully doing?

Don’t forget that, during this spending money process (and into the foreseeable future), employees are paid salaries and families are fed.

What happens when businesses run out of money or get too timid to act? Senator Foghorn Leghorn addressed this perplexing issue only yesterday, “Son, I say, Son, that’s not for us to worry about, especially not this close to Happy Hour. I say leave this thorny issue for future Presidents and Congresses to figure out. They might come up with something”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

I’m Going To Sue The Heck Out Of Snickers Candy Bars

My question to the Lawyers that read my Blog is…

Have you ever seen a more open and shut case of Blog Identification Infringement than this?

Which one of you wants to represent me? The first of my Dear Lawyer Readers to accept my case is going to make a Tidy Sum of Easy Money, but you have to be quick, because other Dear Lawyer Blog Readers are certain to be jumping at the chance to represent me.

My question for the Dear Lawyer Reader that becomes My Snickers Law Suit Lawyer...

If I eat the evidence, will it hurt my case if we were to only present the empty wrapper to the court?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Your Wife Is Going To New York City To Buy A $3,000 Dress And You Quickly Realize That That Dress Is Going To Cost You A Lot More Than $3,000

Your wife is swooshing around the living room wearing the $3,000 Wide Swath Dress (the black and white spotted one above) she bought when she and her lady friends went to New York City to see the latest fashions. You feel the beginning of You-Did-What? Distress Syndrome coming on and you can’t catch your breath.

Your wife has always been one to be concerned about your health, so she springs into action. Immediately she recognizes your distress and she hits you with one of the Make ‘Em Feel Better Soothing Tidbits that the Fashion Designer who she bought the $3,000 Dress from (Eli Yousurearestupid) had her memorize right after she signed the Visa Receipt.

She tries out the first Soothing Tidbit on her wide-eyed husband...

Darling, you need to understand that these sculptural designs have an urbane sophistication that’s due in part to their relaxed relationship with the female body.

That did not work, so she immediately tried the second Soothing Tidbit on her wide-eyed starting to foam from the mouth husband...

Volume in women’s fashion can be read as denoting power. You see, sweetie pie, the wearing of big clothes is assertive and is a way of taking up space. “It’s like, ‘I’m here and don’t mess with me,’”

At this point she recognizes that the Soothing Tidbits are having the opposite of their intended effect as her husband is struggling to get to his Blood Pressure Medicine.

She begins to fear she is losing him for sure as she recalls the image of what another disbelieving husband had put into a letter about these Wide Swath Fashions when he wrote...

...the designers should be “shackled with Chanel chain belts and force-fed Audrey Hepburn movies until they gained some taste and appreciation of the female body”.

Do you want to see more Wide Swath Fashions?...

Had enough of more?

This Blog Posting is reaching the Bottom Line and here it is... If your wife tells you she is going with the girls to NYC to see some Fashion Shows, here’s what you do as soon as the wheels of the girl’s plane leaves the ground...

Ø Go to the nearest Harley-Davidson Motorcycle store and buy that Big One you have always wanted.

Ø Before you leave the Cycle Store go into the Accessories Department and buy everything the commission hungry salesman recommends.

Ø Call Geico and insure your body, your bike and all your accessories.

Ø Go back home and sleep the sleep of Great Anticipation.

Ø The next morning get on your Hog and take a 3 Week Trip out west to see all those places where John Wayne made all those great movies.

(Word Of caution: On your trip, do not ask any waitress younger than 40 years old if she knows who John Wayne was because her answer will certainly cause you to mumble to yourself for the next 15 miles of your ride.)

If you get home and your wife tells you she did not buy a $3,000 Wide-Swath Dress, give her 2 smiles...

Ø One smile of Relief and Thanksgiving.

Ø One smile of remembrance for the wonderful Motor Cycle Trip You and John Wayne had enjoyed together.

Finally, say a little prayer for all those bugs that died on your helmet’s faceplate as you merrily rolled along (except for those 15 miles where you mumbled to yourself).

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Making It All Better

There is an article in the Wall Street Journal that starts off with a Big Bold Promise...

“All Americans would be able to get care from their chosen providers without having to pay premiums, deductibles or copayments.”

I will not attempt to explain all of what the author of the article says to get to the point where he talks about Taxes. I’ll just lay out the Taxes part because that is the part we fear the most and understand the least.

 

Eventually the author says that the government would need to take about $1 Trillion out of what businesses and families now pay to private insurers.

 

(Here I go again but this time in more depth... Remember $1 Trillion is 1 Thousand Billion Dollars and $1 Billion is 1 Thousand Million Dollars.)

 

Where is the $1 Trillion to come from? The author says it will come from a Confusing Array of Taxes and Fees (another word for taxes)...

Ø He proposes that all businesses that currently purchase health insurance for their employees be mandated to pay into Medicare for All 92% of what they now spend to purchase that health care insurance.

Ø He proposes that larger firms that haven’t provided coverage for every worker would pay $500 for each uninsured worker.

Ø He proposes that small businesses would be exempt from these premiums. (This makes me wonder how many currently small businesses will strive to stay small because they will not be able to “afford” to become big.)

Ø He proposes that after two or three years, this system could make a transition to a 1.78% Tax on Gross Receipts.

Ø He proposes the possibility that the above 1.78% Tax on Gross Receipts could be bypassed in favor of an 8.2% Payroll Tax.

Ø He proposes a National Sales Tax of 3.75% on nonnecessities (Congress will argue over what is a nonnecessity forever).

Ø He proposes a Wealth Tax of 0.38% (after exempting the first $1 million of all families’ net worth).

Ø He proposes taxing Long-Term Capital Gains as Ordinary Income.

The Bottom Line: The sum of these revenue streams will allow Medicare for All to operate with a 1% Budget Surplus.

 

How in the name of heaven can these many New Complicated and Confusing Taxes be imposed on a Fluid and Volatile Economy and this man has the gall to look into our wide disbelieving eyes and say, “All of this will result in a 1% Budget Surplus”?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: If you want to read the entire article for yourself, click below, however, I warn you, if you think what I wrote in this Blog Posting was confusing, the confusion you just read was the tip of the iceberg… https://flipboard.com/@WSJ/the-case-for-medicare-for-all/f-89912b738f/wsj.com

Are We Headed For Our First What’s His/Her Name President?

If you are to become President of the Good Ole USofA, should not someone have heard of you before you are sworn in?

 

I recently saw a news clip on my TV which showed pictures of 9 Presidential Candidates. There were 5 pictures on the top row and 4 on the bottom row. The Unseen Talking Head said the names of the 5 on top in a sentence that contained this kind of wording...

...of the announced presidential candidates, Warren, Sanders, Booker, Gillibrand, Harris and others...

Since I am a Accomplished Noticer I noticed the “and others” part of the sentence. I thought to myself, “What chance does one have of being elected if the Talking Heads of the Good Ole USofA don’t even mention your name during your presidential run?”

 

Do voters go into the voting booth thinking to themselves thoughts like...

Ø I would be really impressed with that candidate if I knew anything about him.

Ø I am ready to vote for that guy on the bottom row but I can’t remember his name. I am almost certain that it began with a “P”. I’ll just go down the list here and see if there is a name that begins with a “P”.

Ø Eeny, meeny, miny, moe…

************************

Not only do I Notice but I also wonder. I started wondering how many people were actually running for President. I searched the Internet and came up with an article in USA Today that listed a lot more than the 9 I talked about above. That means there are some that have even less of a chance of being elected than those 4 on the bottom row.

 

Below is an alphabetical listing of the people who have officially announced their Candidacy or have formed an Exploratory Committees (whatever that is)…

Ø Cory Booker

Ø Pete Buttigieg

Ø Julián Castro

Ø John Delaney

Ø Tulsi Gabbard

Ø Kirsten Gillibrand 

Ø Kamala Harris

Ø John Hickenlooper

Ø Jay Inslee

Ø Amy Klobuchar

Ø Beto O'Rourke

Ø Bernie Sanders

Ø Elizabeth Warren

Ø Marianne Williamson

Ø Andrew Yang

 

I never heard of some of these candidates and, some of the ones I have heard of, I have only heard of because I heard they announced their candidacy for president.

 

I could Google the ones I do not know but I’ll just wait for a bunch of them to drop out and save some Googling Time and Effort.

************************

Every one of these candidates claims that they can “Bring People Together”. They usually say this while they are swirling around in controversy.

 

John Hickenlooper stands out from the crowd because he is the first candidate in the history of the Good Ole USofA (probably the world) who has puffed out his chest and said, “You should vote for me because I took my mother to see Deep Throat”.

 

I found an article on the Internet about Hickenlooper that years ago would have immediately caused a candidate to Drop Out Of The Race. It appears John is so proud of his “accomplishments” that he put his “accomplishments” in his autobiography. The article’s headline is... “Hickenlooper offers something different in crowded Democratic field: A detailed history of his sexual conquests”.

 

The first 3 paragraphs of the article are...

If Democratic voters are struggling to see what sets John Hickenlooper apart from the 2020 pack they need to look no further than his autobiography, which outlines in excruciating detail his quest to lose his virginity and, seemingly, every sexual exploit since.

The candidate's book, The Opposite of Woe: My Life in Beer and Politics, outlines the journey from a child in the Philadelphia suburbs to the president of a brewing company, mayor of Denver, and then governor of Colorado.

Sprinkled throughout is the minutiae of his angst-ridden relationships with women, named and unnamed. A Washington Examiner analysis totaled Hickenlooper's declared sexual partners at seven, including his two wives. Even his experience of the 9/11 terrorism attacks is viewed through the prism of whom he was in bed with at the time.

Where were you when you heard the news of the 9/11 Terrorist Attacks? Yes, my Dear Readers, John knows where he was...

At one point, Hickenlooper's romantic desires eclipsed one of the gravest moments of American history. He devotes four paragraphs to his experience during the 9/11 attacks, when he was 49, which he introduces by saying that he "was visiting the intriguing Helen Thorpe in Austin Texas" that day.

"On September 11, 2001, Helen and I were just getting out of bed in Austin when we heard the news that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center."

Last but not least, I prove my contention above about Bringing People Together by offering you the last paragraph of this Internet Article...

"I believe that not only can I beat Donald Trump, but that I am the person that can bring people together on the other side and actually get stuff done". (Yea, I did the underlining.)

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: I just watched a promo video about Hickenlooper. At the end of the video a Former Hickenlooper Strategist says, “…I think he can speak his mind and do so in an unscripted way but with core values that more align with the country”. Silly me. I always thought Core Values and Detailed History of Sexual Conquests were not that closely related.

They Can’t Be Serious!

There are Known Knowns ... Things that we know we know.

There are Known Unknowns ... Things that we know we do not know.

There are Unknown Unknowns ... Things that we don’t know that we don’t know.

Reading over the above confusion makes all of us want to have a discussion of Bestiality...Or does it? And, if it does...Why does it?

 

I’m going to begin by talking about Known Knowns. On the Negative Side Known Knowns are things that are accepted by all of us as being wrong. No need to question them. Certainly there is no need to pass laws about them...Or is there?

 

Governor Bevin Signs Bill Outlawing Sex Between People And Animals In Kentucky

My first impulse is to think this is a waste of time. Why bother with such a law? People don’t go around having sex with animals...Or do they?

 

As I educated myself about this subject by reading through the news article I found about Kentucky and their Animal Sex Problems, I found out that Kentucky is not a trail blazer on this issue. Now that Kentucky has passed its Bestiality Law there are only 4 States left without Anti-Bestiality Laws on their books. They are Wyoming, New Mexico, West Virginia and Hawaii.

 

I wonder if there are Gaggles of Bestiality Loving People Flocking to these 4 states?

 

Kentucky easily passed the House and Senate Bills earlier this month and all of the restrictions below remain in effect for at least five years after the convicted ones complete their sentences.

 

The Kentucky Law has these kinds of provisions...

Ø Sex crimes against an animal are a Class D felony.

Ø They are punishable by one to five years in prison.

Ø The convicted are prohibited from owning animals.

Ø The convicted cannot live in a household with animals.

Ø The convicted cannot work or volunteer in a place where they would have unsupervised access to animals.

 

All of this comes as a shock to me. I have often claimed to be a Smart Fella in my Blog Postings. Many times this is actually said by me with my tongue planted firmly in my own cheek. However, I do actually think I am pretty smart compared to some people, like members of congress, but I had no idea this activity was so popular among my fellow man and animals.

 

I guess we learn something new every day.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella