Don’t Tell Congress

I give you fair warning. This one is complicated. You better pay attention. You better read slowly. This posting is not for people who are skim readers. You hear that, Penny?

Years ago I was wandering through the halls of congress when, to my complete surprise, I saw a long-time congressman is a corner behind a statue in a fetal position crying uncontrollably.

At that time in my own political awareness I was still admiring of members of congress, so I went over, got down on my hands and knees, and asked if there was anything I could do to relieve his pain.

It took him a moment to get over his anguish and he stammered out, We can’t spend enough money. We are spending billions of dollars as fast as we can but it is not enough. Billions and billions just won’t do but, since it is the biggest possible bunching of money that there is, our hands are tied. It is so awfully frustrating!

In my naiveté I tried to console him by saying, You are not limited to billions. Beyond billions are trillions. A trillion is 1,000 billion. The best part is you do not have to tell your constituents (folks back home) that you spent 1,000 of anything. When you spend one trillion you can look them right in their gullible faces and say you spent one. They will thank you for being frugal and keep electing you till the cows come home.

Boy, did I make a big mistake! He face lit up and he sprang to his feet and ran off down the Hallowed Halls of Congress shouting, Eureka! Eureka! I’ve found it! I’ve found a trillion and it’s only one!

Senator Archimedes has been reelected many times since. I see his smiling face on CSPAN all the time. As for me, he never even sent me a Thank You Card.

Since you, my dear reader, are sly, cunning and alert you are saying to yourself, What does all of this have to do with the Subject of this Blog Posting... “Don’t Tell Congress”?

Please allow me to explain...

The other day I was watching TV and I heard mention that our rulers are building a facility in Utah to store all the information that they are gathering about everything we say to each other. The report said that the facility would have the capacity to store 5 Zettabytes.

Never having heard the word Zettabyte before I wrongly assumed it was the next step above Terabyte and that would make it 1,000 Terabytes.

Boy was I wrong! Here is how it lays out...

• Above a Terabyte (12 zeros) is a Petabyte which is 1,000 Terabytes.
• Above a Petabyte (15 zeros) is an Exabyte which is 1,000 Petabytes.
• Above an Exabyte (18 zeros) is a Zettabyte which is 1,000 Exabytes.

You guessed it. A Zettabyte is 21 zeros. Or for those of you who want to confuse the rest of us even more, a Zettabyte in 1 million Terabytes, I think.

Long before we get to 5 Zettabytes we have bitten off more that the Good Ole USofA can chew.

I looked up the Monetary Equivalents of Computer Byte Bunches...

• A Megabyte would be a Million expressed in Dollars
• A Gigabyte would be a Billion expressed in Dollars
• A Terabyte would be a Trillion expressed in Dollars
• A Petabyte would be a Quadrillion expressed in Dollars
• A Exabyte would be a Quintillion expressed in Dollars
• A Zettabyte would be a Sextillion expressed in Dollars

Do you get my drift? More importantly, do you get my concern? Do you understand why the Smartfella is downright scared?

Please Don’t Tell Any Of Your Representatives In Congress That There Is Such A Thing As A Sextillion!!!

Can’t you just hear Senator Foghorn looking surprised because someone objected to him spending 5 Sextillion Dollars. Why, son. Look here, son. Don’t get so hot under the collar. It’s only 5.                         

                                 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Technorati Tags: Congress,Sextillion,Zettabyte

I Don’t Mean To Be Picky...Or Do I?

Headline in my newspaper...

TSA Scraps Plan To Allow Small Knives on Planes

The Transportation Security Administration head has decided to NOT loosen rules that have been in place since 911.

Are these people a dim as they appear to the rest of us? Here are the changes they were on the brink of making before people started shouting at them...

• OK to carry Hockey Sticks.
• OK to Golf Clubs.
• OK to carry Billiard Cues.

How in the heck did they come up with the above list of permissables? Is there really a lot of demand to cuddle up with such items as these on passenger flights?

Actually there was another item that I did not put on the above list. It requires the Special Smartfella Treatment...

Allowed To Carry Knives with Blades of 2.36 Inches Or Less

Would such a blade be able to wreak as much havoc with one’s throat as a Box Cutter?

How did they come up with 2.36 inches? Is 2.36 inches harmless and 2.37 inches dangerous?

Would our Crack TSA Agents have had a government issued measuring tool to be able to quickly ascertain that your little 2.36 inch knife is not a dangerous 2.37 inch dagger?

Look on the bright side. The terrorist are probably too busy laughing at us to make bombs.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

BuzzNet Tags: TSA,Transportation Security Administration,911,2.36 inches

The Freedom To Associate Is Running Amok

There appears to be an Association for darn near everything under the sun. We are all familiar with the likes of...

• American Cancer Society
• Mothers Against Drunk Driving
• National Geographic Society

There are many other associations that make the Smartfella say to himself, “Self, is this really necessary?”...

• American Restroom Association (I wonder if the hold their annual convention in the restrooms of major hotels in Las Vegas?).
• The Association for the Gifted (Does not sound Politically Correct to me).
• Guide Dog Foundation for the Blind (Is this so the blind can get guide dogs or is this association run by the guide dogs?).
• Girls Incorporated (Precursor to National Organization for Women?).
• National Muzzle Loading Rifle Association (Must have their annual convention in the back of very small hotels).
• Association for the Advancement of Artificial Intelligence (Robots are people too!).
• Overeaters Anonymous (Here is one that certainly must be expanding in Super Size Everything America ... Pun intended) These people might think they are anonymous but we can tell who they are without their Convention Name Badges.

Think I made these associations up? When will you begin to trust me? ... http://www.weddles.com/associations/

There is one Association that is much needed but does not seem to be on any list. There really ought to be an Association of Smartfellas.

Oh, silly me! There already is such an organization and I actually mentioned it above... The Association for the Gifted.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

43 Things Tags: Associations

A “That’s Not News” Headline

I saw a headline in my newspaper that read as follows...

Room for Savings Found in Medicare

The people who feed us news think this is news. A better headline would be...

Anywhere You Look in Medicare Expenditures You Can See Money That Could Be Saved

Saying there is “room for saving” in Medicare is as nonsensical a headline, as these are...

• Magic Johnson Knows How To Bounce A Basketball
• Cancer Is Not Good For Your Health
• People Who Make Millions Of Dollars A Year Have A Lot Of Money

Just where does the article say we are going to save money? It says we are going to force labs that are paid through Medicare to accept less money and this will supposedly save close to $1 Billion a year.

I will agree that there are probably overcharges by the labs but can’t you just see the finders of this money saving idea saying to themselves, “We don’t have to look for savings any more because we have done such a good job of plugging this hole. Where is my Plugging Wasteful Spending Bonus money?”

If the head guy at Medicare would call me and ask for input, I would point him to Waste, Fraud & Abuse. I’m sorry to say he would probably respond to me, “What’s that?”

The same day I saw the headline that got me cranking on this posting, I saw this on TV...

• Last year $32.7 Billion was lost to Waste, Fraud & Abuse in Medicare.
• Last year $19.2 Billion was lost to Waste, Fraud & Abuse in Medicaid.
• My TV said this kind of money wasting has been going on for decades.

Does it make you wonder why our government can’t stop the Waste, Fraud & Abuse, if they know exactly how much was wasted, frauded & abused? They did not say that a whole bunch of money was wasted, frauded & abused. They very precisely say $32.7 & $19.2 Billion. That’s pretty specific. If they can tally it up, they must know where the Waste, Fraud & Abuse is happening. Go Get ‘Em, Guys!

I heard a member of Congress say this about the $32.7 & the $19.2 Billion...

Because things in the economy now are tight we are paying more attention to this kind of thing. In the past we were fairly indulgent.

The Smartfella has this to say about that...Thank heaven things are tight!

If you are like me, you stared at “fairly indulgent” for a long time.

There you go thinking the Smartfella made up the Congressman’s silly utterance. I swear on my little-bought book that this is what I heard him say.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Special message to Upa. Don’t add a comment to this blog posting telling me that “frauded” is not a word.

IceRocket Tags: Waste Fraud and Abuse,Medicare,Medicaid

I Have A New Hero

If any of you knew what’s in my head, and none of you know what’s in my head until it comes out of my mouth, this posting would not be a surprise to you.

What’s coming out of my head today is that I have new hero. He is Bill Belichick the Coach of the New England Patriots.

Several years ago, the New England Patriots NFL Football team was caught secretly taping upcoming opponent’s supposed to be secret practices. Their coach, Bill Belichick was reprimanded and fined and talked harshly to by an NFL Official or two. There is no recorded evidence that Coach Belichick paid any attention during the harsh words.

He was then sent back to his team and, based on his recent “Tim Tebow Is a Patriot” press conference; the football world is fairly certain he did not immediately launch into a standup comedy routine when he got back to the practice field.

Those of you who have been reading my Foolishness...Or Is Its over the years know that I am not a fan of the News Media. My unfondness for the News Media includes the Sports News Media.

I have come to feel this way because of the inane questions they ask. Have you ever been confronted by a young child who is going berserk trying to interrupt adults (who are trying to ignore the little interrupter) and when everyone stops, and looks at the little fellow to see what he has to say, they and he find out that he had nothing to say. He just wanted to get into the middle of what’s going on.

Sports News Reporters are much the same way. Here are a few examples to prove this point...

• Question to the coach who is beating his head against the wall: “Are you feeling disappointed because you just lost The Big Game on a 103 yard pass on fourth and 65 yards to go with no time left on the clock?”
• Question to the coach whose team had just won the Super Bowl using a second string quarterback who replaced the first string quarterback with more that half the regular season to go: “Coach, when the season started did you foresee that your first string quarterback was going to get hurt with more than half the regular season to go, be replaced by your second string quarterback and you would win the Super Bowl?” (I did not make this one up.)
• Are your players feeling badly because they just lost The Big Game to their Arch Rivals?

My Boy Bill just did his best to frustrate a clutch of bug-eyed reporters clamoring for controversy about the signing of Tim Tebow during a press conference that would be in my Hall of Fame if I there were such a thing as the Smartfella’s Drive The Sports Media Nuts Hall of Fame. The questions are not important but some of his answers are beautiful. Other answers were longer (not much) but still did not give the panting reporters any info...

• Tim is a talented player that is smart and works hard. We’ll see how it goes.
• None, we try to do what’s best for the team.
• We’re going to try to get better as a football team, individually and collectively, and that’s what we’re going to do.
• We’ll try to do what we think is best for our football team.
• I don’t know, we’ll see.
• We’ll see, I don’t know.
• He’s a talented guy, he’s smart, he’s works hard.
• He can do a lot of things – we’ve seen that.
• No.
• Yeah, I like Tim. I have a lot of respect for Tim.
• I’ve already said that.
• I’ve answered the question twice. He’s a talented player who is smart and works hard.
• Everybody has a job to do and I’m sure he’ll try to do it the best that he can.
• We’ll all try to do our jobs the best that we can.
• I think we’ve already talked enough about him. We’ll see how he does and just go from there.
• I think I’ve covered it.
• I haven’t talked to Vinny in a couple years.
• I don’t know.
• Four weeks, it’s four weeks. A week of training camp is a week of training camp. A regular season game is a regular season game. It all adds up every day. You do the math, I don’t know.
• He’ll do what he can do.
• They are.
• I don’t have anything to add.
• Whatever conversations I have with anybody would be between myself and that person anyways. I don’t think that’s anything that would be shared publicly.
• We’ll see how it goes.
• I don’t know.
• There are a lot of people in the organization that contributed in all decisions, like there usually are. I couldn’t put a percentage on it, if that’s what you’re looking for.
• I don’t know, you’d have to talk to them about that.
• You’d have to talk to them. I don’t want to represent what somebody else said or thought.

What a Guy! My Hero!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Flickr Tags: Bill Belichick,Tim Tebow,New England Patriots,NFL

Bring Back The Good Ole Punch In The Mouth

My newspaper just told me about someone who said something insulting to someone else and the Someone Else person is suing the Someone Said It Person.

Whatever happened to Freedom of Speech? Whatever happened to the Freedom to Insult Your Fellow Man? Now anytime anyone says anything that could be construed as an insult, the insulted person’s brother-in-law files a law suit on behalf of the insulted person. (Don’t tell me that we need to outlaw Brothers-In-Law when you know full well that they are a necessary evil.)

In the old days here is what would have happened when someone insulted someone...

• The Insulted Someone would have punched the Insulting Someone in the mouth.
• If the Insulting Someone would have gotten up, a crowd would have gathered to watch the fist fight.
• If the Insulting Someone did not get up, the crowd that did not gather would have continued shooting pool.
• If things really started getting out of hand, John Wayne would have ridden in and restored order.
• If ole John had a hankering he would have punched one or the other of the antagonists in the mouth.
• There would have been no law suits because the We Got Too Many Lawyers America had not been invented yet and, of course, no one dared to sue John Wayne.

In Modern Day Litigious America some or all of the following lawsuits would be filed...

• By the Insulted Person against the Insulting Person.
• By the Insulted Person against any bystander who chuckled when he overheard the insult.
• By the other brother-in-law of the Insulted Person who is suing because he was not given this case to handle. He was overheard to say, “My Insulted Brother-In-Law retained his other Brother-In-Law the last 3 times he tried to take advantage of our Judicial System. Don’t I get a turn? What am I, a potted plant? I can just as unscrupulous as the next guy.”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: It is my sad duty to report that in recent days I have asked a young waiter and, on another occasion, a young waitress if they ever heard of John Wayne. Both of them answered, “No”. I’m not going to ask this question anymore because that’s just too depressing.

LiveJournal Tags: Law Suits,John Wayne,Litigious,Freedom of Speech

I Am More Interesting Than You Are

I entertain myself because I notice things. You probably don’t notice the things that I notice. Some say I am sick and I am wasting my time. They do not understand how interesting it is to be interested in things.

Did I just hear you say, “OK, smart guy. Just what have you noticed lately that makes you so interesting”? OK, not as smart guy, I did hear you say that and here is what I noticed...

I started taking notice how the Entertainment Industry is saving us from having really high unemployment in the Good Ole USofA. After I have enlighten you, you will start looking for what I am about to tell you and only then will you give me credit for being the interesting person that I am...Or will u?

In looking at the credits after a particular very popular TV Show I took note of the fact that the wonderful people who work so hard to keep us constantly entertained appear to be employing extra unnecessary people to produce their shows.

They must be doing this for the purpose of holding down the Country’s Unemployment Rate because it is not possible that they need this many people to produce their shows, especially since it is beyond most of us exactly what it is a Producer does.

Here is a single example of the Producers that are employed to make this particular TV Show, which I took note of because I am a Noticer. The credits for the show listed the following...

• 5 Executive Producers
• 1 Co-Executive Producer
• 1 Producer
• 1 Co-Producer
• 3 Consulting Producers

It is really possible that they really need this many Producer Kind Of People?

Without getting my calculator out, I can make a wide guess that, when you consider all the TV Programs & Movies we are subjected to, our national unemployment rate would be considerably higher if our Entertainment Industry were not so patriotic and was not producing so many producer people.

Don’t forget to check out my keen observation revelation at the end of future TV Shows (be sure to wake up in time for the Credits.) You will be amazed and very thankful to our Patriotic Entertainment Industry.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Technorati Tags: producers

Courtrooms Are For Final Determinations...Or Are They?

How many times have we heard, “We Will Have to Settle This in Court!”

Courtrooms are where we go to resolve the great issues of life, or so they tell us in the movies.

In actuality, it does not always work that way. A case in point is what Wells Fargo is going through as reported in my newspaper...

May 2013...A judge again ordered Wells Fargo to pay $203million to settle California Law Suit which had accused it of overcharging on overdrafts in checking accounts which reversed an award that had been thrown out August of 2010.

Two years and nine months later the thrown out decision is again the decision and they are back to square one.

The two sides are again saying to each other, “We Will Have to Settle This in Court!”

They ought to know better.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

BuzzNet Tags: Wells Fargo,Courtrooms,Judicial System

They Think We Are Stupid – Part Next

I bought a small nifty safe. The instructions in the Owner’s Manual either thinks I am stupid OR the attorneys are covering the butt of the manufacturer from being sued by the likes of stupid me. I think it is both.

========================

First We-Think-You-Are-Stupid Indicator...

The Instructions get to the second bullet before it shows that they are convinced I am stupid when they tell me...

Do not lock the key in the safe.

Is it possible that a Modern Educated American could be stupid enough to lock the key that opens the safe inside the safe?

What is really sad is they probably feel obligated to tell me this because of past experience where Modern Educated Americans have locked the keys to open their safes inside their locked safes.

=========================

Second We-Think-You-Are-Stupid Indicator...

Under the section called Locking Your Safe I am instructed to...

Close the lid. Once the safe is closed, the safe is securely locked.

They seem to think I think that a safe with the door left open is safely closed.

=========================

On The Other Hand, My Safe Manufacturer Seems To Think I Am Really Smart & Greedy...

On the side of the box containing my nifty safe is a picture of the safe with the door open that shows what could possibly be the contents of a nifty safe like this:

• A jeweled set of earrings and a matching bracelet which both look like they are covered with diamonds.
• A pistol.
• A packet of $1 bills with the band on the packet labeled “$100”.
• A single silver dollar on top of the $100 labeled packet.

On the side of the box is a Disclaimer that states...

“Contents shown are not included”

This was no surprise to me since the nifty safe itself only costs $50.

=========================

As faithful readers of my silly musings, I know you all have wondered from time to time how smart the Smartfella really is. I will now tell you how highly intelligent I am. If I could really obtain all the contents pictured on the side of the box, I would have bought two nifty safes.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

When You Consider The Awful Status Of Almost Everything, This Posting Is Not That Important

Some say the world is going to Hell in a Hand Basket.

The Smartfella is thinking that the world just may already be in Hell sitting in that Hand Basket looking back at where it used to be.

=====================

Now for the not too important…

According to Yahoo Sports
HEADLINE: Tiger wins Players Championship with strong finish.
Text from the article: Woods closed out The Players Championship on Sunday like he has so many other tournaments: hitting big shot after big shot down the stretch.

According to the Wall Street Journal
HEADLINE: Woods Wobbles to Win
Text from the article: When Tiger Woods stood on the 14th tee Sunday, he held a three-shot lead and his march to victory seemed inexorable. But a weak hooked tee shot into the water on the hole made him scramble for his 78th career win.

What you wanna bet that the guy pecking out the Yahoo Sports article was not doing so with a baseball cap on (backwards) that read, “Tiger Is One Great Cat”.

This kind of blind reporting just might see this same guy starting a campaign to have Tiger “awarded” 5 more victories so he can pass Sam Snead.

Can’t you just see him pecking out something like, “Tiger deserves these 5 more wins. If he had not been such a complete jerk and so completely screwed up his personal, family and golfing life, he would have certainly won 5 more times.”

To the Smartfella’s way of thinking, no one should ever be allowed to pass Sam Snead because Slammin’ Sammy uttered the greatest line in the history of golf when he said, “I have always wanted to shoot a round of golf equal to my age. There is a lot of pressure on me to do that this year because I am 61 years old. Next year it will be too easy”. 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

More: As he grew older he shot his age many times. For example, in 1983, at age 71, he shot 60 at his home course, The Homestead. It really was too easy.

43 Things Tags: Sam Snead,Tiger Woods

Wanna Read Something Really Sad?

As seen in the newspaper recently...

What people in the past may have gotten from church, I get from the Internet and FaceBook. That is our religion.

All Is Lost!

I Wish I were Kidding u.

Smartfella

IceRocket Tags: FaceBook,Twitter

The Cheshire Cat Lives

The Smartfella thinks the Cheshire Cat has taken control of  the Same Sex Marriage issue.

According to the Wall Street Journal one of the main reasons why the Gay Population needs to have the rights and privileges of Same Sex Marriage is that they need to have the rights and privileges of Same Sex Divorce.

Would the WSJ kid us?

Smartfella

del.icio.us Tags: Cheshire Cat,Same sex marriage

Blue Ribbon Committee Needed

In 1982 Congress mandated that Nuclear Waste be stored deep underground in a Centralized Storage Facility. Congress thought this was a wise thing to do, so they did it. Congress always does wise things.

In 1987 Yucca Mountain in Nevada was chosen as the Centralized Storage Facility for all this yucky stuff.

In 1993, the Department of Energy (DOE) began grading work on first phase of the Centralized Storage Facility and also set waste acceptance to begin in 2010.

While Yucca Mountain was being built (employing a whole bunch of Nevadans) utilities all over the Fruited Plain, while waiting for the storage site to be selected and construction to be completed, have been storing all this nuclear waste inside cooling pools at nuclear reactor sites and paying the government to permanently dispose of the waste because a Nuclear Waste Fund was set up in 1982 to pay for the Centralized Storage Facility. The Centralized Storage Facility is being funded by fees collected on the generation of electricity from nuclear power plants all over the U.S.

But billions of dollars and decades later, the U.S. is back to square one.

Nevada wasn't happy hosting the nation's nuclear waste dump. After all those Nevadans had received all those construction paychecks all those years, now they are not happy. The current administration formally pulled the plug on Yucca Mountain and its Centralized Storage Facility in 2010.

Wow! Is it not interesting that, after all those Nevadans received all those pay checks, 2010 is the year the plug is pulled? How good is your short term memory? If you go back up earlier in this posting you will find these words in bold, “waste acceptance to begin in 2010”.

Below is a view inside Yucca Mountain. The view is looking down the main tunnel shaft (“main” means there are more than this one shaft) which descends over 5 miles into Yucca Mountain. Does this prior sentence give you some sense as to how big this project was? All that money spent over all those years of construction and we tax payers now own a gigantic hole in the ground that will never to be used.

The hole has swallowed just under 100 Billion Dollars. In case you forgot what the Smartfella has tried to teach you in the past, that’s just under 100 Thousand Million Dollars.
                         
Since we have dumped just under 100 Thousand Million Dollars into that hole in the ground, we ought to use the hole for something. The Smartfella recommends we use it to store the contents of our Federal Graft and Corruption Monies Yet To Be Handed Out Fund (the hole might not be big enough).

You are thinking I made up the existence of such a fund but you are not sure I made it up, are you?

As all of my dear readers always expect of me, I don’t just cry wolf. I actually propose remedies for the Governmental Foolishness I point out to you.

The reason why this project was canceled after spending just under 100 Thousand Million Dollars is that Nevada has a very powerful Senator representing it in Congress.

The crux of the problem is this Senator is too powerful. Congress ought to appoint a Blue Ribbon Committee to determine who the least powerful Senator in the Senate at this time. Once that determination is made they can slam our Nuclear Waste Plans down these weakly represented constituent’s collective throats.

However, my plan will never work. Do you see the reason why?...
Twenty five years from now (after we have spent a heck of a lot more than 100 thousand million dollars) that least powerful Senator will be a very powerful Senator and, after his constituents have sucked in twenty five years of pay checks, the project will be canceled by President Chelsea Clinton.

Would I kid u?
Smartfella

Two Significant Contributors To Our Economy & Their Equally Dramatic Effect On Employment

One of these Significant Contributors to our economy has been performing its employment magic for many years. The other is on the cusp of becoming a major contributor to Employment in the Good Ole USofA ...

The American Civil Liberties Union

These ACLU guys are everywhere. Without them unemployment would be through the roof.

Bomb Sniffing Dogs

As a result of The Marathon Bombing last Monday, if you can qualify to be a Bomb Sniffing Dog, you will be able to support your family for a long time into the foreseeable future.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

BuzzNet Tags: ACLU,Bomb Sniffing Dogs,Marathon Bombers,Unemployment

That Is Not Possible!

How many times have you heard a Mathematical Midget (usually sports “heroes”) say he gave over 100% effort toward whatever Herculean Endeavor he is trying to impress us about?

I know and you know (at least I hope you know) that more than 100% effort is not possible. To go even further I heard a celebrity say the other day that he gave 1 Million Percent Support to something or other.

I got all excited and started pecking out a blog. Knowing that so many people admire this sports celebrity I began to get an uneasy feeling that he may know more than I do about numbers and percentages and such things.

Before I blurted out my first erroneous blog I wanted to make sure I would not make a fool of myself. I contacted a member of congress who is deeply involved in all things financial up there in our 13% Approval Rated Congress.

You, my dear reader, may think the Smartfella knows it all. I understand why you may feel that way but I many times consult with experts before I send out a Blog Posting. This is my way of tricking you into believing that I am really smart.

Golly gee did this honorable member of congress put me in my place! The Congressman seemed rather annoyed and disappointed with me when he explained, “Smartfella, do you not understand that 120 Percent is a lot more than 1 Million Percent? Any fifth grader knows that 120 is more than 1.”

Did I feel silly!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella?

Excessive Smart

The other day I went up to the library of a nearby university to get away from it all. I do this when I want to have peace and quiet in order allow my blogging juices to flow.

This time my juices were interrupted by a student across the table from me. Out of the blue he started talking to himself. Here is what he said...

This studying is really hard! Is it really necessary? Why do I have to work so hard to make myself smart? After all, I have a Smartphone. Does not ownership and proficiency with a Smartphone negate the necessity of my head having to be Smart also?

OK I admit it. I made this blog up from scratch. There was no such student thinking this kind of Silliness out loud to himself ... Or did I? ... Or was there not?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

43 Things Tags: Smartphone

Those Dastardly Fellows Have Finally Been Exposed

Congress is presently on a sustained tirade against Tax Loopholes. They are frantically making speeches describing their ongoing and valiant attempts to close every one of those insidious revenue-sucking evil thingies from every corner and crevice of our bloated tax code.

The Smartfella knows something that our 11% Approval Rated Congress is not talking about. He knows where the Tax Loopholes came from but he seems to be the only one who is willing to talk about where they came from.

Tax Loopholes were put in place by the same people who now look surprised that they exist at all ... Our Duly Elected United States Congresses Going Back for Decades.

They are pointing at the unbelievable large number of Tax Loopholes in our unbelievably large Tax Code and proclaiming them to be the product of some unknown force.

The really strange thing in all of this is they are acting surprised that anyone is daring to use the Tax Loopholes that they created.

Before you, my dear reader, start poking holes in the air with your finger, stop and think about who it was that Duly Elected your Duly Elected Congressmen. We have seen the enemy and he is us. The “us” here is you and I.

We have returned our representatives to Congress over and over for so long that many of them can no longer remember which area of the Fruited Plain they came from.

It is very important that your Duly Elected Representatives do remember from whence they came because, if they don’t remember, they can’t set up Tax Loopholes for your benefit.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

IceRocket Tags: Tax Loopholes

Twitter May Save Us All

I have never understood Twitter, Tweeting and being proud to say to the whole wide world, “I am a Twit”.

I recently opened a Twitter Account because I was told I could get exposure for my Blog and my Book if I did.

Now I am back to square one again... I don’t understand Twitter, Tweeting and I hope no one in the whole wide world finds out I am a Twit because I have yet to figure out how all of this is of benefit to my Blog and my Book.

=========================

However, as the Subject of this posting implies, there actually may be a great benefit coming from Twitter as more and more people are Tweeting their innermost thoughts and feelings…

• There was that super star basketball player last year who announced his retirement to his over 1,000,000 followers by Tweeting, “I want you to be the first to know”.
• The Twitter World convicted the Referees in Louisville/Wichita State game a few days ago. The following morning’s newspaper implied that, since so many Tweets came in condemning that jump ball near the end of the game as being a bad call, then that was proof positive that the Referees were absolutely wrong. Does my newspaper know that every one of those Tweeting Condemners could have been die-hard Wichita State fans?
• Police departments are Tweeting public information warnings via Tweets.
• Lovers are proposing marriage via Tweets.

Where is the silver lining to all of this that I promised in the subject of this posting? You are going to kick yourself for not seeing it before me...

• Tweets from Twits are limited to 140 Characters.
• Tweets can be sent from anywhere in the world.

Can you imagine the benefits that can come to the Good Ole USofA if Congress conducted all of its business via Twitter?...

• We would be spared their standing in those hallowed chambers poking holes in the air with their fingers all day because they would be limited to 140 characters.
• Actually they would not even have to go to Washington D.C.
• This means they would not “have” to fly home and return every week at our expense so they can put in their less than three work day weeks.
• Lizard-Loafered Lobbyist would have a harder time getting to them in order to get to them because they would be spread all over the Fruited Plain.

How many times have we heard a Senator puff up his chest as he calls the Senate the “Greatest Debating Body in the World”? That is such a lie. How can “Debate” and “Senate” even be used in the same sentence?

Have you not watched CSPAN? There is hardly ever anyone in that hallowed chamber while a Senator is talking.

Not wanting to be accused of exaggerating I will concede that there are always present the Presiding Officer of the Senate and those three people stationed around the podium. I must also point out that the four of them are all Tweeting the whole time the speakers are poking holes in the air with their index fingers.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

del.icio.us Tags: Twitter,Tweets,Senate,Debate,Lobbyist

First Time Ever! A Petition Received From Beyond The Grave

General George Washington has petitioned the Congress to change the name of Washington D.C. to, “Anything else ye damn well please”.

He went on to say...

“I spent my life in service to this once great country and I no longer consider it an honor to have our capital named after me.

Besides, my cohorts up here in heaven have begun to laugh at me every time the word “Washington” is mentioned on the news. Since ye now have the 24 Hour News Cycle, the guffaws are never ending.

Sadly sleep is not needed up here. If we did sleep, I could get away from the ridicule for a wee bit. This being the case, the laughing and finger pointing never stops.

Benjamin Franklin is the worst!”

Authorities are baffled at how Ole George went about communicating with Congress. A Senate Committee will begin holding hearings next week to get to the root of this strange phenomenon. Committee Hearings are a sure way to get to the bottom of any issue of importance...Or are they?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Flickr Tags: George Washington,24 Hour News Cycle

Plastic Flowers & Tweeting

Darn near every Sunday when I was a Smallfella I had the honor of accompanying my Mother to the Quality Flower Shoppe to buy flowers and then to the Cemetery to put those freshly bought fresh flowers on the growing number of graves that contained the growing number of our deceased relatives.

You can rest assured that I did not consider it an honor at the time.

There is no telling what my Mother could have been doing with her time, if she did not have to perform this time-honored family ritual.

If plastic flowers had already been invented, she and I could have made a single trip per deceased relative to the Quality Plastic Flower Shoppe, bought a bunch of permanent plastic beauties, gone and deposited them at the newest deceased relative’s grave and then gotten on with our lives.

I don’t mean we would have forgotten about the prior deceased relatives. I’m sure we would have glanced at the prior dearly beloved’s graves and their dusty but still beautiful (from a distance) flowers as we made our way to and from the newest deceased relative’s tomb.

Ah yes, it makes my aging heart jump with joy to picture my Mother on the family couch tweeting all Sunday afternoon. Now there is a worthwhile way to spend a Sunday if I ever heard of one.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

LiveJournal Tags: Tweeting,Plastic Flowers,Tomb