Ah Ha! I Have A VPN Which Means You Can’t Track Me!...Or can you?

Is nothing about the Internet true for long? If you learn something that makes you sound like you know what you are talking about, don’t quote it to others for more than a week because what you knew to be true a week ago (maybe even yesterday) may not be true today. Below are bullet points from an article in PC Magazine about Browser Fingerprinting that prove my point...

Ø Internet experts proposed reining in this abuse by letting browsers add a Do Not Track header to page requests.

Ø This effort fizzled because sites were free to ignore the header.

Ø Security companies responded by devising Do Not Track technology that actively prevented tracking.

Ø Trackers responded with new technologies such as supercookies, evercookies, Flash cookies, and more.”

************

I use a Virtual Private Network (VPN). I have always thought this made me private because it kept the bad guys and the simply annoying guys from tracking me. Now I find out that My Security is a False Sense of Security.

Cleaners and Browser’s software can help the VPN maintain your privacy but VPNs do not make you fully anonymous online. Advertisers, for instance, have numerous ways to identify and track you as you move across the web.

More from PC Magazine...

Ø Trackers and cookies in websites try to uniquely identify you, and then watch for where you appear next.

Ø Sites and advertisers can also identify you by noting several unique characteristics, such as browser version, screen size, and so on.

Ø On their own, this information is harmless, but when companies compile enough of these identifiers, they form a Unique Signature—so much so that the process is called Browser Fingerprinting.

The Browser Fingerprinting link above is a long read. I read it. I don’t necessarily recommend you take the time to read it because, now that I have read it, I am not sure I can do anything about it and I’m more confused.

If you are better than I am, read it and be enlightened...Or will you be?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

We Need To Put the Mafia in Charge

Reporter to congressman: The country is going to hell in a handbasket. What are you going to do?

Congressman to reporter: Invest in handbaskets.

************

The world we live in today appears to be spinning out of control. Those in the past who thought their times were bad didn’t know how bad bad can be. The old saying about Going to Hell in a Handbasket appears to be coming to fruition.

Actually I am pecking this Foolishness out while sitting in that proverbial handbasket itself. Don’t get too smug about my predicament. I can see you from where I sit and you are not that far away and you appear to be drifting in my direction.

************

I wish the people who invent words had not invented the word, “indiscriminate”. There was a time when bad people would be very specific about who they tried to kill. Now we see, over and over, examples of people not caring who their victims are. This all may be Nike’s fault. We are surrounded by a world full of people who ... Just Do It.

We all have read case after case of Gang Members shooting at whoever happens to be over there. They shoot into crowds of people trying to hit one specific person in the crowd. The problem is there is no academy that trains these criminals on how to shoot straight. Actually they don’t seem to care whether they shoot straight or not. They kill or injure other people and later that day they brag to their fellow gang members, “I almost got him!”

************

Examples of Going to Hell in a Handbasket...

Ø Some people a few races ago threw tacks into the pathway of the oncoming riders in the Tour De France.

Ø Some people have put needles into airline food.

Ø Some people have put rocks onto train tracks and caused trains to derail.

Ø Some people have been setting fires in and out of populated areas.

Ø Some people have blown themselves up in public markets.

Ø Some people have blown themselves up at wedding receptions.

Ø Some people have blown themselves up on busses.

************

When it comes to the Mafia it was different...

I once read a book about the Mafia that contained a story about a murder that, compared to today’s standards, was something to be admired. This happened in the 1930s...

Ø It was decided that a certain person needed to be killed.

Ø Two hit men rented an apartment across the street from where their intended victim lived.

Ø For weeks they watched the comings and goings of said intended victim.

Ø They were trying to determine the best time to rub the intended victim out when there was no chance that unintended people would be harmed.

They Got Their Man ... they got only their man.

************

They were not indiscriminate. There is something to be admired about their precision. We don’t give medals for such things but, compared to today’s indiscriminate mayhem, at the very least an Attaboy Youse Guys might have been in order.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Did you say you wanted to know where Going to Hell in a Handbasket came from?... The origin of the phrase ‘hell in a handbasket’ can be found in the practice of capturing the heads of guillotine victims in a basket, with the presumption being that these criminals would be going straight to hell for their crimes.

 

I went over the hill yesterday. I was in Costco and I was trying to get to the Bargain Bottled Water but a Jerk was blocking my way.

Costco always has a bargain on bottled water. For years it was 40 16.9 ounce bottles for $2.99. Inflation has now shot the cost up the price to $3.39 (above pic shows the Bargain Bottled Water display during a dollar off sale).

I was waiting to get back in to where the Bargain Bottled Water was but the aisle to the Bargain Bottled Water was being blocked because a young man and his cart were clogging up the aisle to the Bargain Bottled Water. Have you noticed that texting people get tunnel vision when they are sending a very important text message? Have you noticed that texting people think every text message is a very important text message?

I was probably looking at him like he was a jerk because he was a jerk. Another young man saw me and he saw the Hey Jerk You Are Blocking the Aisle to the Bargain Bottled Water look in my face. He must’ve misinterpreted my Jerk Look for Old Age Confusion Syndrome.

So he came up to me and said, “Sir, would you me to pick up a case of Bargain Bottled Water for you”.

He apparently thought I was so old that I Could Not Pick One Up or I was Over the Hill Confused.

It gives me solace to know that My Dear Readers do not think I Am Over the Hill...Or do they?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

I Like the Old Dwight Better Than the New Dwight

 Old Dwight...

New Dwight...

Old Fashioned Fella is not kidding u!

Smartfella

A Blog Posting I Did Not Post

My Mind Wandering has often slithered past a potential Blog Posting about the Commercial Speed Speakers we hear every day on Radio or Television. You know of which I speak...Or do u?

The Blog Posting I did not post would have been about how our Rulers pass laws to make us do things or stop us from doing things only to turn a blind eye when the law is circumvented or even completely ignored. They appear to think that their job is to pass laws. Once that has been done they are done. Whether or not anyone pays any attention to their laws is of no concern to them.

A fine example of which I speak is the law that says certain warnings must be spoken to consumers for the consumer’s protection at the end of commercials. The sellers of the product comply with the letter of the law in a way that almost does not count. The words are spoken by a High Speed Word Speaker at a speed that is unable to be understood by anyone including the High Speed Word Speaker.

There you have it. The warning words have been spoken. The law has been complied with. The sponsor of the bill that became this crazy circumvented law of the land is at Happy Hour when the announcement is made that the Folks Back Home have elected him to yet another term in office.

Oops! Another related shoe has dropped. To find out about that shoe read below the bunch of asterisks below.

************

I have more and more become bothered by an offshoot of the High Speed Word Speaker Phenomenon by an unsettling tendency of many TV Shows and News Broadcasts to talk their words faster than my ears can hear them talked.

Everybody is in a hurry. It is not important that their message be understood. It is only important that the words be spoken. Once that has been done the High Speed Word Speakers go to Happy Hours where they never get anything to drink because the bartenders can’t understand what they are ordering.

************

In the past I have told you about the Reticular Activating System. If you want to read an article that will confuse the heck out of you, click here https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK549835/ but I recommend you don’t click there because you won’t understand much of any of it. Don’t contact me and ask me to explain any of it because I am certain I understand less of it than you are going to understand of it.

To get a better understanding let’s try this...

The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is a bundle of nerves at our brainstem that filters out unnecessary information so the important stuff gets through.

The RAS is the reason you learn a new word and then start hearing it everywhere. It’s why you can tune out a crowd full of talking people, yet immediately snap to attention when someone says your name or something that at least sounds like it.

In other words, if you develop a need for something, you become aware of that something all around you. In my own experience I once had a need to buy a used car. Until I acquired the used car that I eventually ended up with, I saw used cars for sale (used car lots and private owner's cars) along every road I drove on. Once I bought my used car the used cars disappeared. Actually they were still there but I had no interest in them any longer, therefore, I drove right by them paying them no never mind.

I hope to activate your Reticular Activating System about the High Speed Word Speakers in TV Shows and News Broadcasts. They have been there for years but now you will notice them there.

If you are like me, you will find yourself shouting at the TV, “You are talking faster than my ears can hear!” but they won't hear you.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Blind Auditions for Musicians Are Not Only For Blind Musicians

Maybe I could have written the title above better. Allow me to try again...

People Who Can’t See Are Not Excluded From Blind Auditions. Nor Are Blind Auditions Only For People Who Can't See.

Still confused? Read on. It gets less confusing...Or does it?

The original intent of Blind Auditions was to have musicians perform behind a screen to shield their identity. This was done to address the belief that there existed a longstanding exclusion of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color from Orchestras.

Blind auditions were successful in some regards, but the percentage of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color Musicians has not risen significantly over the years.

Is it time to rethink blind auditions? Many are stepping up to offer new ways to approach the audition process to create more Diverse, Equitable American Orchestras.

Fella has to tread lightly here because he wants to quibble about the original objective of Blind Auditions. The reason why it has not increased the mix of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color musicians is because the chosen-hidden-behind-the-screens musicians are not not being chosen because they are Black, Indigenous, and People of Color musicians but because the people behind the screen being chosen to play in the orchestras are the people who play best from behind or in front of a screen.

The surest way to increase the number of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color Musicians in any orchestra is to not audition anyone behind the screens who are not Black, Indigenous, and People of Color Musicians.

Do we not want to listen to the best music coming at us from in front of the screens? If we do, we need to pick the Musicians who play the best music from behind the screen, so when they come out from behind the screens we will hear the best music.

Time for a Fella Irrefutable Logical Point (which a lot of people will attempt to refute)...

If The Blind Screen Audition Results In the Very Best Musicians Being Selected and They Play The Finest Music Possible and Every One Of Them Looks Exactly Like Albert Einstein On  Bad Hair Day Then That’s the Best Outcome That The People Who Pay Good Money To Attend Symphonies Could Hope For

Ok, start arguing about that.

************

If we were to discontinue the Blind Audition and instead set up a Quota System that would openly be intended to increase the number of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color Musicians regardless of the playing ability of the Black, Indigenous, and People of Color musicians we will definitely get more inferior music coming out of our orchestra pits.

Did you just say, “Ah ha! Fella, you are guilty of believing that Black, Indigenous, and People of Color Musicians cannot play as well as White Musicians!”

To that Fella says, “Absolutely not! Take a look at these two bullet points”...

Ø White Musicians will not play as well as they once did because they will not practice as much as they once did because they will know they cannot get a job playing music.

Ø Black, Indigenous, and People of Color Musicians will not play as well as they once did because they will not practice as hard as they once did because they will know they don’t need to be real good to get the job.

It is time you, My Dear Readers, to say, “Fella, that’s a brilliant point. Music in the future is gonna stink!”

Fella will not go that far but he is confident that music of the future will not be as good as it could have been.

See, I told you it would become less confusing and it did...Or did it?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Hello Grandchild of Mine. Do You Want To Hear Me Drone On About The Old Days Again?

 

Here are a few observations from a Retired Mind which remembers things you probably don’t want to hear about...Or do u?

Ø Did you know that, when I was young, postage stamps did not have glue on their back and (hold your nose) we were required lick them with your glossa? (Google It) We had no idea what yucky stuff was lurking back there.

Ø When away from home we had to go into a phone booth to make a phone call. These phone booths were the same places that some people often used for urination.

Ø Since Steve Jobs had yet to be invented to invent the Cell Phone, we had to go into those smelly Phone Booths to make phone calls but now cars are Phone Booths and we hardly ever urinate in them. That’s progress.

Ø Since the Button had yet to be invented, we had to reach up and pull down the lift gate on the back of our SUVs to close them.

Ø Since the cell phone had yet to be invented, we had to drive with both hands on the steering wheel.

Ø We did not have little self-sticking return address stickers with pictures of cute little doggies on them for our envelopes. We had to write in the Return Addresses by hand. This was a tremendous time waster.

Ø Because the Flicker had yet to be invented, we actually had to get up out of our chairs and walk all the way across the TV Room (which had just been invented) to change TV Channels.

Ø You are going to find this one really hard to believe...The Electronic Key Fob had yet to be invented and we actually carried around Medal Keys to stick in our car doors just to get into our cars. What a pain that was!

Ø The manufacturers of Luxury Cars love this one...It appears Car Thieves are having a field day by electronically hacking into cars and driving them away all over the Fruited Plain. I have been noticing that the number of luxury cars on the road has multiplied a whole bunch. The thieves are driving their stolen cars all over everywhere and the Luxury Cars Manufacturers are selling new Luxury Cars to the rich people who had their cars hacked and driven away and they are driving their Replacement Luxury Cars all over everywhere.

>If you search something like “thieves hacking key fobs” you can read reports about this happening all over the Good Ole USofA.

>Here is just one... https://duckduckgo.com/?t=piriform&q=thieves+hacking+automobile+key+fobs&iax=videos&ia=videos&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dxk_fTTlGcMA

>Here is where you can buy protection... https://duckduckgo.com/?q=protect+key+fob+from+hacking&t=piriform&ia=web 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: This message from Amazon sounds very important but actually it proves that a computer does not know the difference between a Significant Price Change and a Teenie Weenie Price Change...

Important messages about items in your Cart:

1 item in your Saved Items has changed price.

Items in your Shopping Cart will always reflect the most recent price displayed on their product detail pages.

• Ikea Bevara Bag Sealing Clips 30 Pack has decreased from $6.90 to $6.89

It’s Going To Happen But Can’t We Be Smart About It?

Took a Smiley Face out on 9/1/22 cuz it appeared in the posting as a triangle with an exclamation point in it & when re-published it became published 9/1/22 & not the real date of 5/2/13.

Supporters say the Internet Sales Tax Bill is about fairness for businesses and lost revenue for cities and states.

Yes, that’s the Good Ole USofA today ... We are all about Fairness and Revenue.

As much as I wish Congress were not going to start taxing Internet Sales, it is going to become the law of the land. I am resigned to that fact because it means Increased Tax Income to several levels of government and there appears to be no stopping our various governments once they see the possibility of getting more money out of us.

What I am about to convey to you in this Blog Posting is not straight out of my usually foolish head. I will be parroting an article in the Wall Street Journal by a John Donahoe on April 23, 2013. Mr. Donahoe opened my eyes about this issue maybe I can do the same for you.

I have no such hope that Congress will open its eyes like I did. They are too obsessed with “fairness”. In their way of thinking, it is not fair that Mom & Pop Stores on Main Street have to collect taxes but that evil Internet Stores up in the clouds do not have to collect taxes. This results in Evil Internet Stores having an unfair sales price advantage over Main Street Mom & Pop Stores and that is not fair.

If we really want to level the playing field, what they ought to do is require that Mom & Pop Main Street Stores charge for shipping like Evil Internet Store have to charge to get their product to you. When you protest, “Why should I have to pay shipping when you did not have to ship?” You can be told, “It’s only fair.”

The first new fact I saw after Mr. Donahoe started opening my eyes was that Mom & Pop also reside on the Internet. Actually there is a GigaTon of such small stores on the Internet. Mr. Donahoe has this to say...

• Today small businesses that operate online are responsible for collecting sales taxes on purchases made in the state where they are located. That is fair. But the proposed bill would require them to collect sales taxes on behalf of every state where they make a sale. That would make it difficult, if not impossible, for them to succeed.
• Mr. Donahoe says small businesses with fewer than 50 employees or with less than $10 million in annual out-of-state sales should be exempt from the chore of collecting sales taxes nationwide. This is a reasonable exemption, equivalent to other federal standards, such as those set by the Affordable Care Act.
• This bill, as it now stands, could put entrepreneurs like Colleen Rast out of business. Colleen and her three employees run all of their business operations out of a small office in Kalispell, Mont. Although her apparel-sales business is located in a state without sales taxes, the Marketplace Fairness Act currently under consideration would require Colleen to track and comply with the tax laws of more than 9,600 tax jurisdictions across the U.S. It would create costly paperwork and accounting burdens and subject her to potential audits and litigation from tax collectors in states that could be thousands of miles away from where she lives and works.

I am responsible for the bolding in the above bullet. Don’t you think it was a very appropriate place to put in bolding?

• The $10 million exemption would protect businesses like Colleen's. To put the exemption in perspective, Amazon makes more than $10 million in sales every 90 minutes. This would be a reasonable exemption that recognizes that small businesses are vastly different from the nation's billion-dollar retailers. These are very small startups, mom-and-pops and entrepreneurs whose businesses and cost structures are nothing like billion-dollar retailers. They should not face the same tax-collection burdens.
• This isn't a debate pitting Internet Store Sales against Main Street Store Sales. This is actually about big retailers, like Amazon, trying to undermine small online businesses. Amazon supports the bill, while at the same time it negotiates local tax exemptions across the country where it builds warehouses. Small businesses don't have that kind of bargaining power.

Do you think Big Businesses like an Amazon would be sad if their many small competitors went out of business? The Smartfella does not think they would shed a single tear if their competitors were reduced in number.

The late Paul Harvey just came in and asked me to tell you the Rest of the Story. Mr. Donahoe is the president and CEO of eBay Inc. This means he has a vested interest in seeing Mom & Pop Small Internet Businesses survive.

That being said, it is up to us to make up our own minds. The Smartfella believes that asking small businesses to comply with 9,600 Tax Jurisdictions is asking too much and (are you ready for this?) is Unfair!

This posting is so serious that as I was writing it I sometimes became confused that it was really me. I kept saying to myself, “Self, this isn’t Foolishness!” Can you ever forgive me? I’ll get back on track next time. 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

More: If you want to read all of what Mr. Donahoe had to say, click here... http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323735604578438643723029594.html

LiveJournal Tags: Internet Sales Tax,Marketplace Fairness Tax,John Donahoe

I Did Not Write These Words...But I Wish I Had

 

I believe in American exceptionalism.  I can’t understand why any clear-thinking citizen of this great country could possibly disagree with any of what was written below by Mr. Anonymous...

Ø America pioneered Representative Government guided by a Written Constitution.

Ø We fought a war with 620,000 dead to End Slavery.

Ø We defeated Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan.

Ø We liberated the Death Camps.

Ø Twice We saved Europe from Tyranny in the 20th Century.

Ø After World War 2 with American Investment, Innovation, Resourcefulness and Generosity, we Rebuilt the Economies of 17 Nations of Europe and the Nation of Japan.

Ø Our arms Kept Communism from Conquering the World.

Ø Our factories and workshops produced a flood of Inventions and Products that Benefited Humanity.

Ø We built the Greatest Most Respected Medical System on Earth.

Ø We earned Ten Times More Nobel Prizes in Medicine than Any Other Nation on Earth!  

What country has done as much - especially in only 246 years, a relative hiccup in time?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Did I hear someone say, “Yea, but...”?

Dogs in Motels Used To Be a No-No

I know many of you are going to get angry at me for saying this but Dogs Should Not Be Allowed Into Motel Rooms.

This is from my own recent Motel Experience...

Ø I walked into the Motel Lobby and saw several dogs. Most were barking but only one of them was urinating.

Ø I was behind a Person Checking In With His Dog and overheard the Check-In Clerk Person tell Person Checking In With His Dog that they would love to have his dog As A Guest.

Ø He said the up-charge for the dog guest would be only $10.

Ø The Person Checking In With His Dog said he would pay the exorbitant up-charge but he would be writing a letter to his congressman as soon as he got home about this blatant rip-off charge levied against a Member of His Family.

Ø The Check-In Clerk Person kept smiling as he informed the Dog Person that the motel was computerized and every time his dog barked after 10pm there would be a $5 Dog Disturbance Charge placed on his bill.

Ø The Person Checking In With His Dog went berserk and started shouting something about Dog Discrimination and saying he was not going to wait till he got home to write a letter to his congressman but he would be texting his congressman as soon as he got into his room.

Ø The dog was looking at his shouting caretaker with great pride. I have the ability to read dog minds and this Fido was thinking, “You go get him caretaker! Sic ‘em!”

Ø During the night I heard several dogs barking outside my not-sound-proof room door and I thought to my groggy self, “This hotel is making a fortune in Dog Up-Charges!”

Ø The next morning I stepped in a Doggie Deposit as I made to turn into where they keep the elevators. There was Person Checking In With His Dog from yesterday and his dog. I said, “Did your dog do that?” The Person Checking In With His Dog defiantly responded, “It’s not Rufus’ fault. This rip-off not-dog-friendly motel does not have any of those plastic bag dispensers in the hallways every 20 feet like the Waldorf Astoria does!”

All of this made me certain that the factory that used to manufacture “No Dogs Allowed” signs would not be re-opening anytime soon.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

2020 Census Mistakes...Or were they?

If you can't trust the Census Bureau, who can you trust?

This is a terrible injustice to the people in the states that were undercounted:

• The Electoral College is Misconfigured for the rest of this decade.
• Representation in Congress is Not Correct for the rest of this decade.
• Billions in Federal Funding is Going to the Wrong Places for the rest of this decade.

Excerpts from the Shocking Report about all of this (1^st 4 paragraphs & 12^th paragraph):

• In a shocking report, the U.S. Census Bureau recently admitted that it overcounted the populations of eight states and undercounted the populations of six states in the 2020 census.
• All but one of the states overcounted is a blue state, and all but one of the undercounted states is red.
• Those costly errors will distort congressional representation and the Electoral College. It means that when the Census Bureau reapportioned the House of Representatives, Florida was cheated out of two additional seats it should have gotten; Texas missed out on another seat; Minnesota and Rhode Island each kept a representative they shouldn’t have; and Colorado was awarded a new member of the House it didn’t deserve.
• These harmful errors also mean billions in federal funds will be misallocated. Funding for many federal programs is distributed to the states based on population. Overcounted states will now receive a larger share of federal funds than they are entitled to, at the expense of the undercounted states.
• Unfortunately, the federal statutes governing the census and apportionment provide no remedy to correct this problem.

To read the whole article click here...https://www.dailysignal.com/2022/08/18/census-errors-will-distort-elections-funding-for-next-decade/

Would they kid us?

Smartfella

How to Get Rich in the Good Ole USofA (Or Anywhere Else)

Come up with an idea that promises to Make People...

• Rich
• Better Looking
• Healthier

Come up with a TV Commercial where your Spokesman is...

• An Imitation or a Real Doctor (The most important thing is that he wears a white coat when he speaks his prepared-for-him­-by-someone-smarter-than-he-is lines as if he knows of which he speaks)
• A Sports “Hero”
• A Celebrity

Come up with Believable Evidence that what you are selling is true...

• Fake Believable Evidence is a perfectly good substitute for Fact Based Believable Evidence as long as it sounds Believable.

This Blog Posting will talk about getting Rich.

************

For years now we have been seeing a TV Commercial that has been making a fortune for the people putting on a TV Commercial that is unbelievably unbelievable but people still believe it. Not a quote but this is what the Commercial pitches to us...

If You Buy Silver From Us, And If Silver Returns To Its All-Time High, You Are Gonna Be Rich

Here it is “proof” from one of their experts:

Silver has been known to experience Massive Price Swings. I expect Silver to reach $300 an ounce. 

Fella Question of the Day...If you buy their Silver you are going to be rich. If that is true, why don’t the selling people who already own the Silver now just keep it, and then when it goes past its $300 an ounce, they will be rich instead of you being rich?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

My Local Park Forgot Something...Or did they?

A County Park near where I live thinks life is Simple but they forgot something that is important, or should I say, Used To Be Important?

They forgot Work!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

After Sending $312 Million We Are Down To One of Two Possible Reasons for the Heat Out There

A Gaggle of Scientists have been researching this troubling issue for the last 12 years. Thank heaven our Congress, which never runs out of money, saw the importance of coming to an understanding about why in recent years it has been so hot in the Good Ole USofA. Congress gave the Scientific Gaggle a Federal Grant of $312 Million to figure it all out.

After 7 years of research Congress got anxious for results and called a hearing about why the research was taking so long. The hearing came to a surprising conclusion when the First Testifying Scientist told the First Questioning Senator that the research was going to take another 5 years or a total of 12 years.

The Senator’s eyes became as big a baseballs and he leaned forward in his very plush chair and he said, “Just because you are a spitting image of Albert Einstein you should not for a second think you are going to get away with throwing a 12 year completion date around like that as if you were not talking to intelligent people. Be advised the members of this committee are smart people because, if we were not smart, the citizens of this great country would not have elected us to represent them”.

The First Testifying Scientist was not intimidated in the least and he shot back at the First Questioning Senator, “Don’t you get all high and might with me, First Questioning Senator, it is the fault of Congress that we are required to take 12 years to complete this project. The fact that Congress gave us $312 Million means we must take 12 Years to complete our research. If we had been given $306 Million we would have wrapped it all up last year. Be glad Congress did not give us $349 Million because that would have meant that our Task Completion Goal would have been 49 Years”.

The Einstein looking guy did not let up, “We have been under the gun to wrap up this project because we were coming to the end of our required 12 years of research last week. We were in our big palatial conference room having narrowed the possible conclusions for these high temperatures down to Global Warming or Climate Change. We were about to flip our Scientific Coin to pick one of the 2 when the janitor who was emptying our trash cans overheard our 2 choices and he said, ‘It could be hot out there because it is August’.

Immediately that sent a shock through the Scientific Gaggle and we stopped working on conclusion paperwork and began working on a proposal to ask Congress for another Federal Research Grant in order to really drill down deep into this mystery. We all were aware of the need for urgency in this matter, so when you see our submitted proposal I’m sure you will appreciate the fact that this time we only asked for $311 Million”. 

That having been said, the Committee Chairman adjoined the Hearing and went to Happy Hour early but not before telling the members that they will reconvene in 11 years.

This is why the other 3 Einsteins did not get to testify.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Further proof that the committee members were not smart...

Ø The Testifying Scientist looked like Albert Einstein because he was wearing white going-in-all-directions wig and a very big white mustache that he had bought from a Dollar Store.

Ø The other 3 members of the Scientific Testifying Panel (who never got to testify) also had been to the Dollar Store and they also looked exactly like Albert Einstein.

Ø When the 4 man Scientific Testifying Panel was seating themselves at the beginning of the hearing a Congressional Committee Member leaned over and said to his adjoining Congressional Committee Member, “I thought Albert Einstein was dead”.

Ø The adjoining Congressional Committee Member responded, “Me too but, more importantly, I never knew Albert Einstein was 4 people”.

Remember, “Be advised the members of this committee are smart people because, if we were not smart, the citizens of this great country would not have elected us to represent them”.

 

You (WHO) Gotta Be Kidding...No You (WHO) Ain’t

This Blog Posting is a result of the ongoing confusion coming out of the World Health Organization (WHO). Specifically I am referring to a News Article explaining (or does it?) why WHO is re-naming Monkeypox to something other than Monkeypox. Fella will not try and explain the News Article to you because he can’t understand enough of it to explain it to you or he is too busy laughing or he is too busy scratching his head over it.

Here is a short excerpt from the News Article. The excerpt may be all you need to read to know that you don’t want to read the whole article. On the other hand, it may wet you appetite for Foolishness, and if it does, go right ahead and “educate” yourself.

The Excerpt:

"Current best practice is that newly-identified viruses, related diseases and virus variants should be given names with the aim to avoid causing offence to any cultural, social, national, regional, professional, or ethnic groups, and minimise any negative impact on trade, travel, tourism or animal welfare". 

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Did you do a double take when you read the words, "Animal Welfare"? Did you understand the use of or did you start laughing or did you scratch your head when you read these 2 words? I assume WHO is talking about Monkey Welfare. Just how are Monkeys harmed if some not-sensitive bozo says "Monkeypox" while sitting in a barber chair in Toledo? 

I have thought about this and my thinking came up with these possibilities (notice I did not say "Distinct Possibilities")...

• Will people get so irate at Monkeys that they will start signing up for Safaris to Africa to go shoot them?
  
• Will children on zoo visits start booing monkeys instead of laughing as they always have when the Monkeys perform one of their time-tested tricks in the Monkey Enclosure?
• Will Hollywood start scrubbing the image of Cheeta out of Tarzan reruns on TV. This is really going to be strange when we see Tarzan and Jane looking down a screen smudge where Cheeta used to be and talking to and laughing at the smudge.

Cheeta was treated well after his movie making career was over. Around 1960, after living on Johnny Weissmuller’s estate, Cheeta retired to Suncoast Primate Sanctuary in Palm Harbor, Fla. While at the sanctuary, Cheeta enjoyed watching sports on television, listening to nondenominational Christian music and occasionally throwing poop when he was feeling disgruntled.

Actress Mia Farrow, whose mother, Maureen O’Sullivan, starred as Jane in the Tarzan films, took to Twitter to remember the animal when he died. She tweeted, “Cheeta the chimp in Tarzan movies died this week at 80. My mom, who played Jane, invariably referred to Cheeta as ‘that bastard’.”

If the public had turned against Monkey Welfare would Cheeta have been denied his Royal Retirement Treatment and simply been turned loose into the Homeless Encampment Streets of Portland or San Francisco or Los Angeles to fend for himself? 

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Here is the link to the news article:

https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/australia/why-are-they-changing-the-name-for-monkeypox-whats-the-origin-of-the-name/ar-AA10Hys4

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If WHO really does want us to know what it is they say we should worry about, Fella recommends that it should dictate that after every time their new name for Monkey Pox is written out these words should be required to be added...“Formerly Known As Monkeypox”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: One thing I did learn from all of this is not everyone spells “minimize” with a “z”.

 

 

I Think Differently

Since I do think differently, you will never see a Senator Fella in political office.

The other day I heard a U.S. Senator say on CSPAN...

“When I was a governor I asked, what is the revenue of this income source or that income source? Once I knew that, I knew what our spending limit was.”

What does Fella think about what this Ex-Governor thinks? He thinks this Ex-Governor is characteristic of too many politicians (all politicians after they have been in office for 5 to 6 weeks?). They think they were sent to Congress to Spend It All.

It is as if Al Gore had gotten rid of all rainy days, therefore, our politicians do not see the need to save any money for a rainy day. Since Al did what he did, politicians see no need to put any revenue into one of those Lock Boxes ole Al used to talk about.

We are surrounded by politicians who whole heartedly believe in the large sign Senator Snidely Whiplash had printed up and hung over the bar at Happy Hour which reads...

We must spend it all as fast as we can and, if we get lucky, some of it might end up being spent on something that might do some good, but if that does not happen, at least we will have the satisfaction of knowing We Spent It All.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Fella Question of the Day for Today

The Thirty Years' War from 1618 to 1648 was one of the most destructive wars in European History. An estimated 4.5 to 8 million soldiers and civilians died as a direct result, while some areas of Germany experienced extreme and repeated population declines.

After 25 years the various combatants were looking for a way out of the killing, destruction and/or the cost of the war. Also they may have started to run out of gunpowder, rifle balls, clubs, spears or hobnailed boots (for stomping the enemy into bloody pulps). They started negotiating an end of it all. However even the peace negotiations were difficult. “Difficult” is probably not an adequate word to describe the negotiations considering the fact that the negotiating lasted 5 years and the fighting continued while the negotiations were going on. The fact that one side or the other were winning or losing at any particular time in the negotiations would change their willingness to concede anything about anything or prompt them to increase their demands at the negotiation table.

Fella’s Question of the Day: Do you think Pope Innocent X had strong feelings about the Peace of Westphalia?

The Treaty that ended the 30 Years War was the Treaty of Westphalia sometimes called the Peace of Westphalia. The treaty also effectively ended the Pope's pan-European political power. Fully aware of the loss, Pope Innocent X declared the treaty, "null, void, invalid, iniquitous, unjust, damnable, reprobate, inane, empty of meaning and effect for all times".

Fighting being over for the day it is time to relax and enjoy some Hang Time with the guys...

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Smartphones Make Your Life Better...Or do they?

This Blog Posting will attempt to lay out for you some of the reasons why God called Steve Jobs off of his cloud and sent him somewhere else.

In many ways Smartphones have made our lives more difficult to live...

Ø Many of us feel a dramatic need to always be connected. 

Ø Many of us are compulsively checking our phones multiple times every hour.

Ø We are so obsessed with our phones 63% of us sleep with our phones in or next to our beds.

Ø This percent jumps to 73 percent among Millennials.

Ø Notifications are a constant source of interruption and tension.

Ø 28% of us feel annoyed when a notification goes off.

Ø 22% of us get anxious when a notification comes out of their phones.

Ø Still 65% of us say smartphones have made their quality of life better.  

Ø 42% of us would still prefer to communicate in-person but they don’t.

Ø 21% of us choose texting as the next best way to connect.

Ø 16% of us would prefer picking up the phone to communicate but they don’t.

Ø 51% (67% of Millennials) are convinced they could not live without their Smartphones.

Ø 27% percent feel worse about themselves after spending time on social media.

Ø Most young people see social media as a time-suck.

Ø 59% think that the Federal Government ought to make it all better by passing regulations. Can you say Pandora’s Box?

Wherever he is, I wonder if Steve Jobs is sorry for what he has done to us.

Fella Opinion: We should not blame Steve. He only created this modern marvel for us but he did not force us to take off running with it and, don't kid yourself, we are running down hill.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella