After Sending $312 Million We Are Down To One of Two Possible Reasons for the Heat Out There

A Gaggle of Scientists have been researching this troubling issue for the last 12 years. Thank heaven our Congress, which never runs out of money, saw the importance of coming to an understanding about why in recent years it has been so hot in the Good Ole USofA. Congress gave the Scientific Gaggle a Federal Grant of $312 Million to figure it all out.

After 7 years of research Congress got anxious for results and called a hearing about why the research was taking so long. The hearing came to a surprising conclusion when the First Testifying Scientist told the First Questioning Senator that the research was going to take another 5 years or a total of 12 years.

The Senator’s eyes became as big a baseballs and he leaned forward in his very plush chair and he said, “Just because you are a spitting image of Albert Einstein you should not for a second think you are going to get away with throwing a 12 year completion date around like that as if you were not talking to intelligent people. Be advised the members of this committee are smart people because, if we were not smart, the citizens of this great country would not have elected us to represent them”.

The First Testifying Scientist was not intimidated in the least and he shot back at the First Questioning Senator, “Don’t you get all high and might with me, First Questioning Senator, it is the fault of Congress that we are required to take 12 years to complete this project. The fact that Congress gave us $312 Million means we must take 12 Years to complete our research. If we had been given $306 Million we would have wrapped it all up last year. Be glad Congress did not give us $349 Million because that would have meant that our Task Completion Goal would have been 49 Years”.

The Einstein looking guy did not let up, “We have been under the gun to wrap up this project because we were coming to the end of our required 12 years of research last week. We were in our big palatial conference room having narrowed the possible conclusions for these high temperatures down to Global Warming or Climate Change. We were about to flip our Scientific Coin to pick one of the 2 when the janitor who was emptying our trash cans overheard our 2 choices and he said, ‘It could be hot out there because it is August’.

Immediately that sent a shock through the Scientific Gaggle and we stopped working on conclusion paperwork and began working on a proposal to ask Congress for another Federal Research Grant in order to really drill down deep into this mystery. We all were aware of the need for urgency in this matter, so when you see our submitted proposal I’m sure you will appreciate the fact that this time we only asked for $311 Million”. 

That having been said, the Committee Chairman adjoined the Hearing and went to Happy Hour early but not before telling the members that they will reconvene in 11 years.

This is why the other 3 Einsteins did not get to testify.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Further proof that the committee members were not smart...

Ø The Testifying Scientist looked like Albert Einstein because he was wearing white going-in-all-directions wig and a very big white mustache that he had bought from a Dollar Store.

Ø The other 3 members of the Scientific Testifying Panel (who never got to testify) also had been to the Dollar Store and they also looked exactly like Albert Einstein.

Ø When the 4 man Scientific Testifying Panel was seating themselves at the beginning of the hearing a Congressional Committee Member leaned over and said to his adjoining Congressional Committee Member, “I thought Albert Einstein was dead”.

Ø The adjoining Congressional Committee Member responded, “Me too but, more importantly, I never knew Albert Einstein was 4 people”.

Remember, “Be advised the members of this committee are smart people because, if we were not smart, the citizens of this great country would not have elected us to represent them”.