It Is A Sad Day In National Politics … So What’s New?

Recently I heard on the radio another discussion about the impending demise of the Social Security System. You just said to yourself, “Self, so what’s new?” This time the discussion was different because it used the term “Legislative Year”. 

Once I figured out what was meant by “Legislative Year” I realized that 50% may be good in baseball but, when it comes to national politics, 50% stinks. Please allow me to explain...

The Talking Head told me that a “Legislative Year” was a year in which members of Congress attempt to pass laws and address the Hard Issues. The opposite of a “Legislative Year” was an “Election Year” which is a year in which members of Congress do not do anything to rock the boat because they might not get re-elected.

Do you see the problem? There is a National Election every other year because we have … a Presidential Election Year and two years later we have a Mid-Term Election Year.

In any “Election Year” our elected U.S. Representatives and Senators are averse to taking action on any volatile issues. Social Security is a fine example of a volatile issue. I don’t have to get my calculator to figure out that half the time (every other year) our elected representative are waiting for the next year to even give the impression that they are Statesmen.

What do they do during those “Election Years”? You got it. They spend all their time trying to trick us into thinking that they deserve our vote so they might do what needs to be done … Next Year.

Would I kid u?

The Future Social Wastrel

In modern America parents spend much time and effort at trying not to harm the self-esteem of their children. They are certain that if they, or anyone else whom their children look up to, says the wrong thing at the wrong time, their child’s psyche will be damaged forever. If their fears are well founded, which I doubt, there is at least one occasion when harsh words were overlooked and greatness was reached in the end.

First, the harsh words from a father to The Future Social Wastrel…Make this position indelibly impressed on your mind, that if your conduct and actions is what it has been at schools you have attended where it has been sought vainly to impart to you some education, then my responsibility for you is over. I shall leave you to depend on yourself, giving you merely such assistance as may be necessary to permit of a respectable life. Because I am certain that if you cannot prevent yourself from leading the idle useless unprofitable life you have had during your schooldays and later months, you will become a mere social wastrel, one of hundreds of the public school failures, and you will degenerate into a shabby unhappy and futile existence. If that is so you will have to bear all the blame for such misfortunes yourself. Your own conscience will enable you to recall and enumerate all the efforts that have been made to give you the best of chances to which you were entitled to by your position, and how you have practically neglected them all.

I have slightly modified the father’s word above to not give you a hint as to the identity of the awful child. The tone, harshness and vigorousness of the attack were left intact.

The Future Social Wastrel was ...
Sir Winston Churchill.

Another Thing I Don’t Understand

I read recently where the U.S. Census Bureau has issued new statistics that inform us that in December 2008 Americans sent 110,000,000 Text Messages. This makes me want to ask two questions:
• What the heck is wrong with us that we sent 110,000,000 Text Messages?
• What the heck is the U.S. Census Bureau doing wasting our tax dollars calculating such unnecessary and useless information?

To the Smartfella’s way of thinking the following method of operation should be the Standing Operating Procedure in our U.S. Census Bureau:
• The Big Guy in charge of Census Stuff should have stopped this waste of time and money before the time and money was wasted.
• If that did not happen, he should have directed all his minions to shred all evidence that his Census People had bothered to accumulate such unnecessary and useless information.

Why in the world would the U.S. Census Bureau make us aware of such drivel? By letting us know what they are actually doing with our tax dollars we become very concerned about what they are actually doing with our tax dollars.

Of course, up until now, that was not a concern.

Would I kid u?

What Did I Tell Ya!

This is actually a very short Foolishness…Or Is It? (unless you get into reading the one below that I posted on November 3, 2008).

Here is today’s posting…
Our governing bodies (should that be ruling bodies?) in the Good Ole USofA are out of control. According to ABC News, on January 1, 2010 the folks back home (that’s us) were confronted by 40,000 new laws. My November ’08 posting was right on except it was right off because I woefully understated the problem.

I guessed that each year we are confronted with 1,000 new laws. Now I find out that, if this year is atypical, the total number of new laws created by all our various governing bodies is 40,000 each year.

Just in case you do not read my earlier posting below I am going to give you the bottom line right here on top…
“I am coming around to the point of thinking where the incumbent who can verifiably proclaim in his campaign slogan, "I Did Not Do Anything Since You Sent Me To Congress", is the kind of Do-Nothing that will get my vote in the future.”

Would I kid u again?

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There Ought To Be A Federal Law Against Federal Laws
Is it possible to keep track of all the Federal Laws?
November 03, 2008 05:05 PM

When members of our 9% Approval Rating Congress run for re-election they always tout in their "accomplishments" all the laws they proposed, sponsored and/or co-signed. They seem very proud when offering these facts up as undeniable evidence that they are deserving of the Public Trust (whatever that is).

The whole process is a mess…

• Members of Congress spend gobs of money traveling to places like France and China in order to gather facts about legislation they propose upon their return. The problem is their legislation has nothing to do with France or China.
• Once a law is passed, it has to be enforced. This requires more bureaucrats. (Bureaucrats … that can certainly be the subject of another Foolishness, Or Is It?)
• Once a law is passed, it has to be kept track of, recorded and disseminated to the folks back home. How in the hell can they keep track of, record and disseminate to the folks back home 1,000 new laws passed every year?
• If we were lucky, no one would know of and/or bother with the 1,000 new laws, once passed.

I think that we ought to be smart enough, at this point in our storied history, where we could have legislation in place that would require that two laws must be repealed for each new law passed. If this were to come to pass, in a hundred years or so, we ought to be down to a manageable 10,000 laws (give or take a few). That just might be a workable number.

I am coming around to the point of thinking where the incumbent who can verifiably proclaim in his campaign slogan, "I Did Not Do Anything Since You Sent Me To Congress", is the kind of Do-Nothing that will get my vote in the future.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella?

I Can Do a Better Job … Just Watch Me

Here is what’s wrong with Governmental Bureaucracy…

Imagine I am employed by the Federal Government and I am assigned the task of coming up with the wording for an Executive Order that will tell all government employees that they should not Text Message while driving a government vehicle. I am given this assignment 10 minutes before quitting time.

Being well qualified for my assigned responsibilities (as are all bureaucrats) I immediately put my nose to the ole grindstone. As is usually the case, I am at Happy Hour 5 minutes after quitting time.

Here is what I came up with, “All government employees are not allowed to text message while driving government vehicles”.

Did I do well? I think I did, if I do say so myself.

On October 1, 2009 our federal government issues an Executive Order that addressed this same subject…
• It is 3 pages long.
• It contains 1,071 words.
• It is much harder to understand than my 13 words above.

To belabor the point even further, here is the part that defines “Driving”…
“(c) "Driving" means operating a motor vehicle on an active roadway with the motor running, including while temporarily stationary because of traffic, a traffic light or stop sign, or otherwise. It does not include operating a motor vehicle with or without the motor running when one has pulled over to the side of, or off, an active roadway and has halted in a location where one can safely remain stationary.”

They just used 69 words to define “driving” while I used 13 words to put to bed the entire Executive Order.

In case you want to read all 1,071 words of the official Executive Order on Texting, go to…
http://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/other/other/Federal_Leadership_On_Reducing_Text_Messaging_While_Driving.pdf

If you do take the time to read the entire 1,071 words, as you are reading them, keep thinking to yourself…“All government employees are not allowed to text message while driving government vehicles”. Enough is enough.

Would I kid u?

Making Progress With Regard To My Simple Requests

Within days of the presidential election last fall, I wrote a letter to our new president asking for ten very logical modifications to the world around me. As the months wore on I began to fear that my wishes might not be getting the proper amount of attention. I kept telling myself that the new guy seemed to be really busy and I clung to the hope that he would get to work on my requests any day now. Anyone can clearly see that these simple requests are really essential to the fabric of America.

I was thrilled to read in the AJC of December 15, 2009 that there appears to be something stirring around my third request …
“Radio & TV … Require that the announcers on all commercials stop shouting at the American People”.
I am so excited!

The news article headline…
Bill would quiet blaring TV ads
The sub-headline…
Lawmakers move to address viewer complaints.

I, however, am made a little uneasy about just how firm the commitment is to this particular concern of mine when I read in the article the following legal mumbo jumbo …
“Managing the transition between programs and ads without spoiling the artistic intent of the producers...”

What the heck does artistic intent have to do with wakening me up from my TV nap? Just what is so artistic about shouting at me?

My fear is that politics will water it down. In the end we will find that the advertising commercial’s volume is essentially unchanged or even louder once the people involved really focus in on artistic intent. Who of us would want to be seen as against artistic intent?

Maybe the best that I can hope for is a federal subsidy to all of the folks back home to be used for the purchase of ear plugs. My hopes are not on firm footing here either because I can hear the TV Advertiser’s Attorney’s impassioned plea, “Your honor, the wearing of ear plugs is an unconstitutional attempt to interfere with the artistic functional transitional projection rights of my client, as was originally intended by our founding fathers”.

Would I kid u?
-------------------------------------------------------------
You can stop reading now or, if you want a refresher, here is the original Foolishness…Or Is It? referred to above…
Dear Mr. New President
Please take into consideration the pressing issues I am directing to your attention by way of this communication…

 Tattoos … Make sports teams with the largest amount of tattoos lose every game.
 Tattoos Again … Until you get legislation passed regarding my tattoo request above, please electronically put those smudges that hide the faces of criminals on the nightly news over all of their tattoos.
 Radio & TV … Require that the announcers on all commercials stop shouting at the American People.
 RAP Artists … Require that they get real names and learn how to spell.
 Handicapped Parking Spots … Require that anyone who parks in a handicapped parking space, that is not handicapped, become handicapped.
 Postal Service … Require that the Counter Agents at the Post Offices smile once an hour.
 Postal Service Again … Require that Counter Agents not go on break as soon as the number of people waiting in line gets to six.
 Privacy Notices … Stop sending those Privacy Notices every time we turn around and have the heads examined of the three people in the Country that actually do read them.
 Dumb White Guys … Stop TV commercial makers from always depicting the White Males as ignorant buffoons. I find it unrealistic and insulting that we have to always be instructed how to do anything and everything by every other type of species on the planet. This includes other men, women, children and talking animals.
 SUV Drivers … Those SUV Drivers that can't seem to fit their vehicles within the lines of their respective parking spaces should have their SUV taken away and replaced with a Yugo.
Mr. President, I am well aware that you may have one or two more pressing issues on your plate than some of my requests. I trust that you will do your best to get right on what I am asking of you because, I am equally certain, you can see that the need for action on each of these pressing issues is self-evident.

Please do instruct your Chief Of Staff to advise me once these ten have been addressed and I will send you some more.

Would I kid u?
Smartfella?

Headline That Never Was

The headline that never was is…
“Vince Lombardi Strangles One of His Players with His Own Bear Hands”

The Smartfella? is dead serious. This headline could have come about if one of Lombardi's players had come into his office before the big game and said, “I’m sorry, coach but I can’t play in the big game this Sunday because I have Turf Toe”.

There is no doubt that, if this had happened, Lombardi would have shouted, “You expect me to pay you $200 for not playing in the big game because your toe hurts?” As he was shouting he would have jumped across his desk and choked the life out of the player with the bad toe.

Turf Toe had not been invented in Vince’s coaching days. That is the only thing that stood between Lombardi being a coaching legend and a convicted murder.

Now I am reading where Turf Toe has evolved into Chronic Turf Toe. As Vince went looking for his dictionary to find out what “chronic” meant, the toe-challenged player probably would have seen his chance to save his life by slipping away. If he was smart enough to be paid $200 a game, he was smart enough to have seen the impending danger and would have gotten away before Lombardi came storming back in.

Would I kid u?

Stringent and Comprehensive Anti-Distraction Driving Policy

Atlanta is not going to take it anymore! According to the AJC on December 11, 2009…
(For those outside of Atlanta, MARTA is the agency that runs our public transportation system.)
“As mass transit crashes have increasingly been linked to driver distractions like cell phones and texting, MARTA has issued a new ban. The agency in a statement calls it “one of the most stringent and comprehensive anti-distracted driving policies in the nation.”

“Under the ban, employees may not operate MARTA equipment while using a cell phone or other electronic device, or while eating, drinking, reading, reaching for fallen items or otherwise engaging in distracting activities.”

What has the Smartfella? confused is why is a policy of any degree of stringency needed for this situation? Do Americans not have enough common sense left to not have to be told to avoid doing stupid things?

Are we going to see more of this foolish nonsense in the future? …
• School Board … We understand that driving a school bus can sometimes be boring but, from now on, school bus drivers are not allowed to drive their busses over cliffs, if there are children on board their bus at the time of the drive over.
• Zoo Visitors … Even though it is a lot shorter to walk through the lion’s den to get to the concession stand, this practice is herewith absolutely forbidden.
• Airline Passengers … Airplane passenger cabins can become stuffy on long flight but passengers are no longer allowed to use a fire extinguisher to break out their windows.

The Smartfella? is considerate of his readers’ time and, therefore, he did not reproduce the entire news article. The part I left out was that MARTA Police are exempt from the Stringent and Comprehensive Anti-Distraction Driving Policy when it comes to eating donuts. Police know how to handle donuts.

Would I kid u?

New and Improved … Or Is It?

Sun-Maid Girl Makeover Sparks Controversy
by Brett Michael Dykes
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
(Excerpts in bold italics below were taken from the larger article.)
“Naturally, the revamped look hasn't gone unnoticed, rankling both ends of the political spectrum. The blog for conservative magazine The Weekly Standard noted that the new Sun-Maid girl looks "as if Julia Roberts decided to don a red bonnet and start picking grapes," while the feminist website Jezebel.com remarked that it looks as if she's had “some implants.”

Though the new look for the raisin girl has been garnering attention of late, the changes to the 90-year-old icon were actually introduced three years ago.”
Old
New

Are there really people who sit around just waiting for something to get offended and/or agitated about?

Considering all the dastardly happenings that are happening every minute of every day, is this issue really important?

This story does make the Smartfella? wonder what have these watchdogs been up to for the last three years? As you read above, this terrible happening happened three years ago. You would think that when it did finally come to the watchdogs’ attention they might quietly have just fired the staffer responsible for uncovering such evil. Then they could have concentrated their full attention toward trying to get us excited about something really injurious to the fabric of America like Tiger Woods.

The Smartfella? is also in a quandary about another part of this story. How does one go about implanting implants in a drawn figure? Does one draw the drawn figure and then have it sent off to a hospital and have some highly specialized surgical team do the implanting?

I also wonder if the original Sun-Maid Girl is sitting on her shelf somewhere wishing Implant Technology had been around when she was first drawn 90 years ago.

Would I kid u?

The Smartfella? Just Got Back From New York City

Here is what caught my eye…
• Individual Walking…
o A significant number of people cannot walk the streets of NYC without earphones sticking in their ears.
o The rest of them cannot walk the streets without talking on their cell phones.
• Group Walking… All NYC residents live in apartments but they are not permitted to be in their apartments any more than six hours a day. By law they are required to walk up and down the streets the other eighteen hours.
• English Speaking Walkers… There are none.
• Multitasking… Some NYC residents have acquired the ability to talk on their cell phones and type on their computers at the same time.
• Corned Beef Sandwiches… $15.
• New York Times… $6 on Sundays.
• Waiter in Little Italy… I have been drinking Dark beers more than forty years. One of my favorite Dark beers is Heineken Dark. I asked my waiter if his establishment had Heineken Dark. He looked me right in my ignorant eyes and said, “Heineken does not make a Dark beer".
• Cabs… Every fifth car on NYC streets is not a cab.
• Airline Food… A single ginger tasting cracker.
• Pleasant Surprise… The people (except the above mentioned waiter) were friendly.
• Saddest Thing I Saw… Nine o’clock mass in a huge Catholic Church had somewhere between 40 & 50 people in it. You would think that, in a city of more than 19,000,000, people they could have scrapped up more than that.
• Fashion Trend Coming To Your Feet… You are going to love your feet! I saw numerous people wearing old fashioned looking tennis shoes (Converse/Keds) that were either bright Purple or bright Pink (men were wearing pink too).

Would I kid u?

GrandmaNearYou.com

I first did this Blog Posting in 2009. It is time for a redo.

It Is Also The Time of Year For THIs PARTICULAR Redo.

By way of this Foolishness…Or Is It? I am formally offering each of you the opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a Sure-Fire Money-Making New Venture aptly named...GrandmaNearYou.com. If you are one to quickly see a financially sound opportunity, you will be writing a check before you get to the end of this Foolish Blog Posting.

Back when my Mother used to visit us for various holidays, we flew her to wherever we were living at that time...Los Angeles or Detroit or Milwaukee or Detroit (again) or Atlanta or Los Angeles (again) or Atlanta (again).

Our family was always excited to see her, especially since she was sure to be carrying 5 pounds of my Grandfather’s Secret Recipe Italian Sausage and several jars of Ma Brown Kosher Dill Pickles (Since I left New Orleans in 1975 I have never found Ma’s Pickles).

The silly company which bought out the company that made Ma Brown's Kosher Dill Pickles quickly decided to take out the Spicy. 

Fella Comment: This proved it was a silly/stupid company. 

Fella Wonders: Fella wonders how much money the new silly/stupid company spent on Focus Groups trying to figure out why the New Pickles did not sell as well as the Old Pickles. 

Another Fella Comment: They should have asked me and saved all that Focus Group money because the Spicy was what made them better.

************

On one of these Grandma’s Coming To Visit visits, as my family and I sat waiting in the airport for her to deplane, I took note of all the Grandmas who were arriving from all over the United States who had flown in for the holiday. The idea for this Sure-Fire Money-Making New Venture hit me like a thunderbolt!

Why not use some of this computer technology we were now developing to locate a Grandma that is closer to where our family lives and bring this, more convenient, Grandma over for the holiday?

Our too-far-away Grandma would not go unappreciated. She certainly would be grabbed quickly by some local family looking to save a wad of money on airfare. We would certainly be glad to testify that she would be a delight to have over because we really liked having her around.

I am not being heartless because the Grandma that you had been intending to fly in, at great expense, would now very likely just have to go a few blocks to her new nearby Holiday Family. Other benefits for the Stay Near Home Grandmas are too numerous to list in their entirety but here are a few of the obvious ones…

• She would not have to pack and unpack her suitcases.
• She would not have to stop the newspaper.
• She would not have to stop the mail.
• She would not have to put the dog or cat in a kennel.
• She would not have to get herself to the airport.
• She would not have to suffer the humiliation of being frisked while that guy with the two-foot-long beard wearing a robe walked right by in his flip flops.
• She would not have to have to take off her shoes during the freaking frisking process.
• She would not have to sit in a cramped airplane for hours (because you were cheap and you did not buy her a first-class ticket).
• She would not have to eat airline snacks (they used to get actual food that Grandma would not have to eat).
• She would not have to be endangered by terrorists.
• She would not have to sleep on an unfamiliar bed and pillow while visiting.
• She would not have to fly back home and again be exposed to all the above airline persecutions.

Heaven knows there are a lot of American Males who would jump at the opportunity to have a different Mother-In-Law for a change.

Variety could also be added to your family’s holiday because your new Grandma would introduce your family to her own special cooking talents.

Again, computer technology could be used to make this a Win-Win Proposition for all involved by using computer technology to tailor make your conveniently located grandma. The form where you applied for your substitute Grandma would allow you to fine tune your replacement Grandma. You would be able to pick from one of the following:

• Black hair
• Brown hair
• Red hair
• Grey hair
• Blue hair

You would be able to specify a cooking specialty:

• Italian
• Mexican
• Spanish
• German
• Chinese

You would be able to select a nationality:

• Italian
• Mexican
• Spanish
• German
• Chinese
• Anything but French

The potential of this brilliant (if I do say so myself) idea is boundless! This may be your best chance to become one of the Filthy Rich.

************

Become a Charter Owner of GrandmasNearYou.com today! Don't let this opportunity pass you by! Send your check to:
GrandmaNearYou.com
c/o The Smartfella?
What A Deal, GA 30096

Dig deep! The bigger your check the bigger will be your percentage of ownership of GrandmaNearYou.com permitting you to become filthy sooner than other slower investors.

Would I kid you?

Smartfella

 

How Do “They” Know That?

We are constantly being barraged by “them” & their numbers. Who are “them”? Are “them” related to “they”?

What the heck am I talking about? I’m not sure. Hold on a moment and I will collect myself (whatever that means) and I’ll be back with you in a bit.

Pause … Pause … Pause

OK, I remembered what sent me into this tirade. I have been told by my radio that the following is fact…
In The Last Year 82,000,000 Americans Contemplated Suicide
I ask you, How Do “They” Know That?

“They” would probably give me the standard response, “Researchers” told us.

Who are Researchers? Are Researchers in any way related to “them” and “they”?

Did “they” ask 82,000,000 people if they had contemplated suicide?

Ok, I know what “they” did. “They” asked a smaller number and extrapolated that smaller number into a larger number…
• If “they” asked 39 people and 10 said they had contemplated suicide, this would be 25.625%.
• There are about 320,000,000 people in the country at this time.
• 320,000,000 times 25.625% equals 82,000,000 suicide contemplating people.
That’s it! That is how “they” got to their number. I should have known that “they” would not give us a bum steer (whatever that means).

If this satisfies your curiosity, you can consider the matter closed and I encourage you to go do something constructive with your time.

IF YOU ARE NOT A FOOTBALL TV WATCHER, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND, OR CARE, WHAT THE SMARTFELLA? IS TALKING ABOUT (I hope this is a first time you have not cared what the Smartfella? is talking about).

The other factor that must be taken into consideration is what universe of people “they” canvased with their suicide question. If “they” had asked New England Patriots football fans within an hour of the end of the Patriots game with the Colts last Sunday, “they” very well might have gotten 25.625% of them to say they had contemplated suicide within the last year (actually within the last hour).

What happened Sunday was the renounced, highly praised and never-makes-a-mistake coach of the Patriots, Bill Belichick, had just ended the titanic struggle by making one of the worst decisions in the entire history of football (pee wee, grammar school, flag, touch, YMCA, high school, college and professional). With only seconds more than two minutes left in the game and his team ahead by six points, Coach Belichick had called for his team to go for a first down on fourth down on their own 28 yard line. He forsook punting the ball and having the Colts start their possession somewhere around 60 to 70 yards away from the Patriot’s goal line. Belichick’s team did not make the first down by a football length. That gave one of the best offensive teams in football today, with maybe the best quarterback in the history of the game, a first down inside Belichick’s 30 yard line with 1:57 left on the clock. Four plays later with 13 seconds left in the game the Colts scored a touchdown and Belichick’s Patriots lost by 1 point.

The Smartfella? thinks that 25.625% was probably a low number of Patriot fans who were contemplating suicide in the aftermath of that bit of football stupidity. He also thinks that the wrong question might have been posed to the distraught fans. If “they” had asked, “Have you ever contemplated murder in the last year?”, they very likely would have come up with a much higher percentage.

Would I kid u?

Progress In Education?

In the AJC of 11/12/09 is an article on the front page that contains…
“For the first time in its history, the Georgia Department of Education this month will hand out grants for schools to pioneer the use of “handheld computing” to see if it engages students better than traditional book-and-paper methods.”

This makes the Smartfella? a bit nervous. I fear that blind faith in calculators may become a problem. If students do not understand numbers will they accept any answer that their calculators put out because the answer must be right because the calculator put it out? Allow me to belabor the point…
• Will the engineers of the future understand the inviolate principle of, Garbage In…Garbage Out? If they want to know what 5X5 is and they put in 5X55 and find their answer is 275, will they not become suspicious?
• Will the makers of the calculators have no understanding of numbers and, therefore, come up with machines that punch out bad results all the time and really screw things up for everyone?
• Will the rocket scientists of the future send rockets to Mars but end up blowing up downtown Albuquerque?
• Will the students of the future be taking their final exams and try to find the answer of 558X863 but come up with an answer of 17 say to themselves, “Boy, this is not gonna take any time at all. If all the answers are this short, I’m going to be sitting in the coffee shop, drinking my latte and texting in no time at all!”

Since this is the bottom of this Foolishness, the Bottom Line is…I hope the Georgia Department of Education teaches our modern students some Arithmetic.

Would I kid u?

Sure Way To Reduce Crime

The State of Georgia has decided to ban smoking in its Correctional System (formerly known as Prison System … also formerly known as Da Jail House).

This has gotten the Smartfella? into some deep thinking and that is always an interesting few moments in the Smartfella’s? day. He has come up with a plan that is sure to reduce crime in the good ole USofA.

Step 1 … Get a billion or so dollars from the federal government to run a television advertising campaign to encourage criminals to take up smoking … Real Heavy Smoking. The campaign would look something like this…
• Thinking about robbing a bank? This is not a project that should be executed without careful planning of every devious detail. This is important. Make sure you take the time to properly plan your venture by having a few packs of cigarettes with all your buddies at the Bank Robbery Planning Meetings.
• Working hard at accumulating ill gotten gains for your retirement but feeling the strain of the everyday pressures of sneaking around and staying undercover? You need some time to yourself. You need a friend. You need a cigarette.
Step 2 … Once the bad guys are good and hooked on cigarettes they will think long and hard about continuing to ply their trade for fear of being incarcerated for many years without being able to light up a good smoke. They will be very apprehensive about having to walk that last mile without a Camel.

There is always the possibility that a large number of would-be criminals all at once giving up their chosen profession will be a glut on the law-abiding labor force but we will have to address that thorny issue when and if it happens. The Smartfella? can’t solve all the world’s problems in a single Foolishness…Or Is It? posting.

Having to come up with solutions for all of the world’s ills really puts a lot of pressure on me. It would be a lot easier if I smoked.

Would I kid u?

This One Is Serious!

This is a serious Foolishness…Or Is It? about down right serious foolishness, seriously.

What if … I came to you and asked for a major ongoing donation to me personally that I would use to pay for the college education of gifted students who would otherwise never be able to go to college without my funneling them the funds you generously donate to them through me?

What if … You found out after ten years of your continuing sacrifice on behalf of these very worthy students that I had been using your donations to preserve the habitat for giraffes in Africa? Would you be mad?

Sure you would be mad. You would probably say to me, “If you wanted me to donate my money to preserve the habitat for giraffes, you should have asked me for donations for giraffes. I may have given the money for the giraffes and I may not have given you the money for the giraffes but that ought to have been my decision.”

It is not a successful argument that the poor giraffes needed help. What is pertinent is it is your money and my asking for it for one specific purpose and using it for another specific purpose is misappropriation of your money.

This kind of thing has been going on for an awful long time in our local, state and federal governments. How long I don’t know. Did it start in George Washington’s first term? I like to think not but it well may have.

Did it start in the current federal government administration? It absolutely did not.

It is part of how we do things and how we do things is awfully wrong.

Want a current and continuing example from the State of Georgia? …
In today’s Atlanta Journal-Constitution there is an article about how Georgia uses our “Trust Fund” monies. The article tells us …
“Lawmakers also created a Solid Waste Trust in 1992 to clean up scrap tire dumps, improve and expand solid waste collection and recycling, and eliminate open dumps on roadsides and along streams. Georgians shell out an additional $1 for each new tire they buy to pay for that effort.

In 2009, the fees brought in more than $16.38 million, but only $1.4 million will go toward cleanups.”

Did the paper find the only possible example of this kind of redirection of our taxes? You can bet there are hundreds or thousands of such examples but here are two more…
1) Hazardous Waste Trust Fund … $15,960,000 collected & $3,200,000 to be spent on Hazardous Waste.
2) Brain, Spinal Injury Trust Fund … $1,900,000 collected & $97,396 to be spent on Brain & Spinal Injuries.

Very appropriately the article says we need to put Trust back into Trust Funds.

Did I make all this up? Not this time. Go to … http://www.ajc.com/news/misused-fees-lead-state-189810.html and read all about it.

Would I kid u?

The King Still Lives!

Listening to the election coverage Tuesday night and during one stretch, where I was not asleep, I heard a Talking Head make a slip of the tongue ... Or did she?

‘The results are in. Voters in (umpty ump) congressional district have chosen to be ruled by (Democrats/Republicans) for the next four years’.

It is not important which district it was, nor which party it was, the operative word is “ruled”.

I always thought we chose our Governmental Representation not our Rulers.

And I thought I knew what was going on.

Would I kid u?

Nelson Is Dead and Happy Is Out There Somewhere

I am old fashioned. I like the old days as exemplified by when Nelson Rockefeller got divorced and married Margaretta Large Fitler Murphy (otherwise known as Happy). By doing this divorce thing it is generally agreed that he ruined his chance to become a presidential candidate in 1964.

That was then and this is now … shucks. Now I have to listen to a talking head on TV saying that she admired the manner in which David Letterman handled his “situation”.

In Nelson and Happy’s day, David and his career as a late night entertainer would have been ruined. Now we have people saying they admire him and his manner handling.

Exactly what there is to admire about him and his manner handling is beyond old fashioned me. Does this speaking head “admire”…
 That he had his affairs with women that he had power over?
 That he had repeated affairs with various different women?
 That he made lots of jokes about his affairs and his women on his show?

Well the Smartfella? will get the last laugh when he sees David’s ratings fall like a rock. What’s that you say? You say his ratings are UP since he came “clean”? Can that possibly be?

I am so old fashioned that I am not Happy for David. I am surprised that David’s ratings are up. My being surprised proves how old fashioned I am.

Would I kid u?

I Have Not Been Notified, As Of Yet

I recently read an article that had a quote in it as follows…
“Some of these now-aging men believe they can improve their chances of getting government pensions and mental health care”.

Did you catch the phrase that triggered this Foolishness…Or Is It? posting?

If you zeroed in on “now-aging”, you are on the mark!

This phrase started the Smartfella? wondering about when is it that we begin to age. Silly me, I always thought that process was pretty automatic and started as soon as we were born. Guess I was wrong.

Now that I know that I have been wrong all these years it seems to me that there must be some kind of notification from a governmental agency to tell us that the Aging Process has started.

This is important stuff. It would not seem proper that the Aging Process would start unbeknownst to us. We ought to be properly informed of what is about to happen to us. We should have to sign a formal Receipt of Aging Notification.

Armed with this knowledge, is it possible to beat the system? Could we not prevent the Aging Process from putting its unwelcome hitch in our get-along? ...
•If it is done by the US Postal Service, can we move and not give a forwarding address?
•If it is done by Email, could we not find out the governmental agency that sends the emails and put a block into our Email Options to keep the bad news from getting to us?
•If it is done by Twitter, could we not … Hold on a minute! I think there must be a Federal Law that forbids using a Tweet to convey such a momentous life-changing message. All of you Twits out there reading this, don’t you worry none about your Tweets.

This Foolishness…Or Is It? has been the most difficult one for me to put together. This is very unsettling to me. My Foolishnesses usually flows from my fingers tips easily. Is it possible that my Aging Process has already started and there really is no Federal Government Notification Mechanism in place? If that be the case, it just does not seem fair.

Would I kid u?

Mr. Anonymous Now Has the Rule of Law On His Side

Back in April I published a Foolishness...Or Is It? about that guy Anonymous. I have cut and pasted the link to that piece at the end of this posting. You might want to go back and read it all over again because I have been told by thousands of you that reading my past foolishness over and over is a delightful way to while away the hours. (OK, maybe I have not been told the prior statement by anyone. However, in the mode of darn near any member of our present Congress ... If I had been told what I just said I was told, then I would have been told what I was not told.)

Back to Subject of this posting about why Mr. Anonymous now has the Rule of Law on his side...
In today's Atlanta Journal-Constitution on page A4 in the very left column at the very bottom there is the following wording "...said a spokesman for Brazil's civil aviation authority, who spoke on condition of anonymity in keeping with policy". (I added the bold lettering.)

There you have it. The Mr. Anonymoui of the future are a protected class. They are part of our national fabric. Don't you feel better? I know I do.

Would I kid u?

The link to the original Mr. Anonymous piece is below...
http://forii.blogtownhall.com/2009/04/24/anonymous%e2%80%a6without_this_guy_we_would_not_know_anything.thtml

Am I That Smart?

Recently I read that people purported to be a lot smarter that the Smartfella? came out with some very startling news about evolution.

I say startling because they really seemed to be excited about their “discovery”.

I say “discovery” because that’s what they called it and they are a lot smarter than I am … Or are they?

This is what had them all in a tizzy (whatever that is)…

Monkey Primates of today and the Human Primates of today

evolved on two different evolutionary paths.

These are the times when I really begin to believe that I know what I am talking about. It seems pretty elementary to me…
• Today there are Humans.
• Today there are Monkeys.

Does not that seem like the end of the argument? Should it even be called an “argument”? What is there to argue about? If there were not two separate and distinct evolutionary paths involved in this evolvement, we would have 535 Humkeys making laws for us in Congress. That would be terrible! … Or would it?

Would I kid u?