Little Mr. Starbucks Asks His Father For A Little Help

A Journey Back Into Coffee History

Little Mr. Starbucks goes to his father and asks to borrow $10,000. He wants to use the money to invest in a bright idea that he has been kicking around in the back of his mind. He is sure that this idea of his will be his life’s work.

Father Starbucks was always supportive of his son since he was born right through his years of higher education in one of the finest school in the east. He knew that he was going to do whatever his son asked. He eagerly inquired how his boy was going to use the $10,000 as he reached for his checkbook.

Here is the back and forth conversation that took place about the plan of action Little Mr. Starbucks laid out for his ever more wide eyed father, as his father slipped his checkbook back into his pocket…

• Father … “You are going to do what?”
• Son … “I want to open up a coffee shop and spend my life selling people coffee, a cup at a time.”
• Father … “You mean to tell me that, after I devoted my life to you and took out a second mortgage on our modest family home in order to put you through that fancy snotty school back east, you are going to spend your life with an apron on selling cups of coffee?”
• Son … “That’s right, pop. I just know there is a world of money to be made out there in coffee cups.”
• Father … “Where are you going to set up the gold mine of a coffee shop?”
• Son … “I’m going to rent space in the shopping mall downtown.”
• Father … “You mean to tell me that you are going to pay the exorbitant rent that businesses are charged in that mall? Are you aware, my educated idiot son, that in order to just break even, you are going to have to sell a lot of cups of coffee? Don’t forget you are going to have to pay salaries and benefits, buy supplies and pay that sky high rent just to crack your nut!”
• Son … “Daddy, I have thought through all of the costs that you have just mentioned. I have that covered in my business plan. I am going to charge a lot for my cups of coffee!”

At this point Father Starbucks climbed across the dining room table and started to strangle junior.

After Mother Starbucks had locked Father Starbucks in the bedroom closet to cool off overnight, she loaned Little Mr. Starbucks the $10,000 for his bright idea and the rest is coffee history.

Would I kid u?

Why Does Haywire Go Haywire?

Some detractor or admirers (I’m not sure which) are referring to this book as, “The Perfect Bathroom Book”.
Want to see what's inside my book before you buy?
Click on "Buy My Book At..." above.
Go to the Amazon site and click on, "Click to LOOK INSIDE!"
After reading a bit say to yourself, "Golly gee, that is really funny!"
Then add it to your cart and buy it before Amazon runs out.

Last year I applied to our Federal Government for a Grant of $300,000 to perform a study on a mystery that has baffled mankind for centuries.

The Government’s interest in my research was clear from the beginning because my Government Handler sent a check for the full $300,000 by UPS Overnight within days of the submission of my Grant Request.

It could be that they pay no attention to whom they give the grant money. I like to think that I had a worthy idea and my government saw the value of my proposed research. Once that value was recognized they accelerated the approval process to get me working on my important research as quickly as possible.

Went Haywire…
The subject of this posting tells you what my research was about. Out on the farms of this great land when someone cuts the wire that surrounds a bale of hay that wire immediately springs into a jumbled up mess that would be very difficult to untangle (if you were one that takes pleasure in untangling such things).

It’s not just haywire. The same thing happens to electrical wires, earphone cords, rope, etc. Such things are always getting jumbled up and research has shown that untangling them costs American Workers 2.75 Billion Man Hours of lost productive work time each and every year.

My Theory…
I contended in my workup to the Federal Government that such things get jumbled up by their very nature. It is a part of their DNA.

My belief was that these seemingly inanimate objects actually move when we are not looking. This movement ends up becoming the jumbled up and hard to unjumble mess we all have come to dread.

Once I had confirmed my theory, I intended to set about determining how this age old problem could be prevented and this vast lost productive time could be eliminated.

My Plan…
I went to Radio Shack and bought a professional digital movie camera and a very rigid tripod on which to mount it. I went to Wal-Mart and bought a card table. Finally I went to Home Depot and bought a 100 foot extension cord.

I returned home, went in my garage and, in short order, I had set up the camera on the tripod looking down on the 100 foot extension cord (not tangled up) which had been placed on the card table.

This investment had cost me a pretty penny (about $600).

I then turned on the camera and left nature to take its course for a full seven days and nights.

The Results of My Research…
When I returned the extension cord was hopelessly jumbled up but the movie showed absolutely no movement of the cord itself during the entire week.

My Report Back To the Federal Government…
I am an honest person. I simply called my Handler and reported that my experiment was a complete failure. Yes the cord had gotten tangled but I had no idea how it had gotten tangled.

I told him that I felt really badly about taking my government’s money and would be sending back the entire $300,000.

That nice fellow said to me, “Don’t feel bad. Certainly you should not for a moment consider sending back the $300,000. It would greatly mess up our budgeting process.”

He expressed his gratitude for my phone call saying, “You really did not have to go to all the trouble of phoning. No one else ever reports back the results of their research. We just wait a bit and write it off.”

Then the nice fellow really made my day, “Don’t feel bad about your stupid idea turning out to be a really stupid idea. Lots of people never come up with a single stupid idea in their entire logical and clear thinking lives. Keep the money. You deserve it.”

Cashing In On The System…
I have now decided that I am going to throw off my scruples and cash in on the Free Money…

I remember when I was in the Army a Master Sergeant told me, “The heck with using a parachute. If ever I have to jump out of a plane, I going to be holding a large tangle of haywire. It’s bound to get caught up on something on the way down.” (He probably did not say “heck”. Master Sergeants never say “heck”.)

This ought to be good enough for $400,000. I used to know how to fly a plane. I need a jumper/haywire holder. Any one of you cares to be my jumper/haywire holder? I’ll give you 15%.

Would I kid u?

I'm Losing All Faith In Higher Education

This posting is about College Athletics but you don’t have to like or understand sports to see that Higher Education in America is in deep trouble.

The problem is not Calculus or Algebra or Geometry. The problem is Arithmetic!

It all started to fall apart 1990 when Penn State joined the Big Ten Conference. Now I ask you, what is 10 + 1? Being sly, cunning and alert and knowing your Arithmetic, you very quickly said to yourself, “11”. I bet you did not even have to get out your calculator.

Certainly once Penn State joined the Big 10, the Big 10 became the Big 11. Actually, it did not become the Big 11. It stayed the Big 10.

Does that make sense? Does not 10 + 1 = 11? It used to be 11 but not in the Big 10/11 Conference. We know we can’t trust the politicians that come out of the Big 10/11 but, if they can’t add, how can we trust the Scientist, the Teachers, the Biologists and the Multi-Cultural Dancers that come out of the Big 10/11?

Years before the Big 10/11 Miscalculation the Pac 8 got two new teams and immediately changed their name to the Pac 10. Everything was in its place back then. All seemed right with the world.

All of a sudden Arithmetic Ignorance is spreading like wildfire. Due to changes that have taken place in the last few days this is what three of our athletic conferences look like…

• Pac 10 has 12 teams
• Big 10 has 12 teams
• Big 12 has 10 teams

I can tell you for sure that, back at St. Anthony of Padua Grammar School, Sister Mary Grenyon would not have accepted these inaccurate names.

--------------------------

I’m going to try and calm down now. At least I know that 2 + 2 = 4 … or do I?

I forgot about New Math which years ago put even this age-old calculation in doubt. New Math was concerned about not hurting our children’s self esteem by telling them they were wrong, if they gave any answer other than 4. New Math said something akin to this…

2 + 2 Is 4 Unless You Think It Is Something Else. If You Truly Think It Is Something Else, It Might Be Something Else, If It Were Something Else.

A university educator, who would have won a Nobel Prize if he had won one, was recently heard to say, “After all, students did learn something about Reading and Writing and Arithmetic (whatever that is) in Elementary and High Schools. Our university system of education cannot be held responsible for all those little thingies.”

--------------------------

I sure hope Higher Education and/or New Math do not start messing with the Scoring System in football. I fear we are on the cusp of something like…

• A touchdown is worth 6 points, unless the team that is behind feels really badly that they are behind. 
• If the behind team’s anguish is so severe that their academic concentration in the coming week might be adversely affected, 7 to 12 more points may be allowed in order to at least tie the score.
• More than 12 extra points will never be allowed for a single touchdown because the team that is ahead might experience depression after all the hard work that they expended to get ahead in the first place.

Would I kid u?

If Schools Do Not Teach The Proper Use Of Scissors, This Is What We Can Expect

<- - - - - - - -
>Some detractor or admirers (I’m not sure which) are referring to this book as, “The Perfect Bathroom Book”.
>Want to see what's inside my book before you buy?
>Click on the book to the left.
>Once to the Amazon site, click on, "Click to LOOK INSIDE!"
>Say to yourself, "Golly gee, that is really funny!"
>Then add it to your cart and buy it before Amazon runs out.
<- - - - - - - -

There you go again, Rhode Island. We are indeed fortunate that you are the smallest state. We have always known that you are a hotbed of contentiousness and weird thinking. This latest brouhaha of yours is further proof that, as little as you are, you are a big problem.

Did I get ahead of myself? Sorry about that. Please, allow me to explain...

Recently a school in Rhode Island assigned a class of 8 year old children a project to make theme hats. One of the little tykes decided to make a Patriotic Hat. On his camouflaged baseball cap he attached an American Flag and tiny toy action figures emblematic of our Armed Forces. You know the kind of figures of which I speak. They are made out of plastic and carry guns.

School officials looked at the guns and saw evil. They said the hat ran afoul of their no-weapons policy because the tiny Army men held tiny weapons in their tiny hands.

The 8 year old owner of the hat in question expressed concern that he was confused because Armed Forces are Armed and, therefore, it was only proper that they should have their little weapons in their little hands.

This logic did not faze school officials. They fired back (poor use of words here) that he should have used his mother’s scissors to cut off the weapons before he brought the little figures and the evil they represent into school to terrorize other students.

Some have said the little tyke cannot be held responsible for knowing how to use a pair of scissors if the school did not teach him how to use scissors.

School officials have countered that counter by saying they could not teach their children how to use scissors because scissors are not allowed into the school either. A spokesman for the school, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because he is not allowed to speak on the record about anything of consequence, said, “What if one of our children ran with school-issued scissors in his hands and fell and injured himself. The horrific picture that conjures up in my mind is too awful to imagine. Besides the lawsuits that would result would necessitate a tax increase.”

-----------------------------------------------

I don’t normally like to ask my faithful readers to think their way through long postings. If you have had enough, you have my permission to go about your life and not read any further. I do warn you that my Foolishness Juices are flowing and this one is about to get wild.

-----------------------------------------------

I contend school officials ought not to limit their paranoia to little plastic soldiers with little plastic guns in their little plastic hands. There is a wealth of other proven evils that easily could have been attached to little tyke’s heads. Since you, my dear readers, are so well informed, I know that the three examples I am going to list below are well known to all of you. I am going to record them here for you anyway because I am on a roll here and I can’t help myself…

• Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix … This is a definite Do Not Allow on any theme hat. There was that horrific case several years ago when a distort mother went berserk at her frail son for not eating his Aunt Jemima Pancakes and stuffed six dollar sized pancakes down his throat with the bottom of a salt shaker. The paramedics were able to vacuum the child’s windpipe clear just before brain damage set in. The child, however, was so traumatized by this episode that he has not been down to breakfast since that horrible day. He is much frailer today than he used to be.
• Rolling Pins … There are seven documented incidents of rolling pins being used to put hickeys on the heads of spouses, domestic partners and neighbors since such statistics began being tabulated in 1927. These numbers could very well be much higher if it were not for the fact that American mothers have stopped baking since Mrs. Smith came on the scene. Little plastic rolling pins are the kind of weapon that school officials ought to ban for sure.
• Baseballs … Umpteen baseball players of all ages have been hit in the head since 1846 when Alexander Joy Cartwright arranged a baseball game between the New York Knickerbockers and the New York Nine at Hoboken, New Jersey. Sitting on a coffee table a baseball is not dangerous. As a projectile baseballs are capable of inflicting great harm to the human body. They have been known to kill and can cause long lasting disability, discomfort and bumps.

I am very firm in my conviction that little plastic guns in little plastic hands are not the kind of thing that school officials ought to be worried about. If I can be shown documented evidence that some of these little plastic guns have actually gone off and caused any kind of bodily injury, I am open minded enough to reconsider my position.

Would I kid u?

Pre-Packaged Apology … Pre-Emptive Apology … Apology Apology

 
My service to my fellow man is never ending…

• First I informed you of the Pre-Emptive Apology in my blog posting of 11/8/08…
  http://www.northfulton.com/Blog-6920.112113-7317.114126_Why_Wait.html
• Then I made you aware of the Pre-Packaged Apology in my blog posting of 5/24/10…
  http://forii.blogspot.com/2010/05/im-going-to-be-rich-and-you-are-not.html

Today was my turn to be educated. Today I witnessed my first…

Apology for an Apology

You all saw what I saw if you watched any news about the BP Hearings. If you did not watch the BP Hearings, I will not even bring you up to date about the Apology Apology. There is some silliness that does not warrant being associated with my Foolishness. By not watching the BP Hearings, you made better use of your day than I did.

Since you did not watch the BP Hearings, you may have done something real useful like write a book. Did I tell you I wrote a book? If you were unaware of my literary effort, go to my web site and read all about it… http://foolishnessorisit.com/default.aspx

Would I kid u?

Are Wal-Mart Greeters Rotten To The Core?

<- - - - - - - -
>Some detractor or admirers (I’m not sure which) are referring to this book as, “The Perfect Bathroom Book”.
>Want to see what's inside my book before you buy?
>Click on the book to the left.
>Once to the Amazon site, click on, "Click to LOOK INSIDE!"
>Say to yourself, "Golly gee, that is really funny!"
>Then add it to your cart and buy it before Amazon runs out.
<- - - - - - - -

This past weekend I let my wife off outside of Wal-Mart and went to park the car. When I entered the store I was surprised to see that she was still talking to the Wal-Mart Greeter.

Later she explained that she had gotten into a conversation with the elderly gentleman and that conversation was interesting enough that she lingered the whole time I was parking.

Here is one of the stories that held her attention for so long…

• Earlier in the day our Greeter was doing his duty as specified in the Wal-Mart Greeters Manual by checking a shopping cart full to the top with Newly Acquired Treasures (including loose items stuffed in the tray below the cart).
• While he was doing his checking, another lady came by and the Greeter gave her small bag with three items in it a quick look and bid her good day.
• The woman who had the Shopping Cart Full of Stuff objected that the Greeter was checking her cart out very carefully but he let the Three Item Lady go by without the same thorough examination to which she was being subjected.
• To her this was proof of what is wrong with America and she expressed herself to the Greeter about this deeply held belief…

She accused our friendly Greeter of being a Racist

•  My wife says the Greeter’s demeanor and tone of voice indicated he was really bewildered that he had been accused of being such a terrible person.

Don’t jump to conclusions…

The shopping cart full of stuff, upset and not so clear thinking shopper was Hispanic.

----------------------------------- 

The bottom part of this blog posting is pecked out in a much lighter tone.

Once upon a time there was a Wal-Mart Greeter who could not seem to come to work on time.

His boss stayed on him all the time about his tardiness but did not fire the old gentleman because he was really an excellent Greeter of which Sam Walton would have been proud.

One day the boss decided to use a new approach to try and get through to the old gentleman. He asked him…

What did they say at your last job when you came in late for work?

The Greeter replied that they simply said to him…

Good morning, General! Would you like a cup of coffee?

Actually the above little ditty is a joke … or is it?

Would I kid u?

People Who Use Words For A Living Ought To Understand The Meaning Of Words

<- - - - - - - -
Some detractor or admirers (I’m not sure which) are referring to this book as, “The Perfect Bathroom Book”.
Want to see what's inside my book before you buy?
Click on the book to the left.
Once to the Amazon site, click on, "Click to LOOK INSIDE!"
Say to yourself, "Golly gee, that is really funny!"
Then add it to your cart and buy it before Amazon runs out.
<- - - - - - - -

My local newspaper had an article this morning about an attack on a bunch of trucks in Afghanistan. You have seen almost daily articles about such activities in the Middle East for years. You will see articles about such activities in the Middle East for years for years to come. Why am I bringing this up? I can’t help myself. I’m a noticer. I notice things. It’s a curse…or is it?

Allow me to explain what I noticed this time…
 Trucks carrying military vehicles for foreign forces were attacked in the early morning hours.
 Six people were killed.
 Seven people were wounded.

Now it is time for one of the Smartfella? Famous Multiple Choice Pop Quizzes...
1. The attackers were Boy Scouts from West Virginia.
2. The attackers were really nice guys who have gotten confused about the meaning of life.
3. The attackers were militants.

Did you select #3? Being as sly, cunning and alert as I know you to be because you read my Foolishness…Or Is It? silliness, I am certain you picked #3.

Here is the word I noticed but, up to this point in my Foolishness, I have failed to tell you about. The missing word is “suspected”. Yes my newspaper called these bad guys “suspected militants”.

What is there to be suspicious about? They attacked. They killed. They wounded. THEY ARE MILITANTS! End of discussion. End of hair splitting. They are what they are. Call them what they are…militants.

Oh well. I am calming back down. I am looking for the lighter side of this article. Here it is…

It is better than the article I read about the home invasion where the homeowner was killed by bad guys who broke in his front door, beat him up, took his worldly goods and shot him dead. That article referred to the definitely dead homeowner as an “alleged victim”.

There you go again thinking I made this one up. As long as the world around me is as silly as it is, there is no need for me to make up Foolishness.

Would I kid u?

Why Are You Performing So Poorly?

<- - - - - - - -
Want to see what's inside my book before you buy?
Click on the book to the left.
Once to the Amazon site, click on, "Click to LOOK INSIDE!"
Say to yourself, "Golly gee, that is really funny!"
Then add it to your shopping cart and buy it before Amazon runs out.
<- - - - - - - -


Want some answers to the question posed by this blog posting? Here are some very logical ones…

• I don’t know what I am doing.
• I don’t have the skills necessary to do it right.
• I don’t care whether I do it right or not.
• I only have one arm and this is a clapping contest.

The above list is certainly incomplete but, no matter how hard you tried, you probably never would have thought of this one…

I am deliberately not performing well so I can charge more
for not performing well.

You are now thinking that I am making up silly stuff in my ongoing pursuit of Foolishness … or am I?

Actually you are being silly. Always remember, my Foolishness is based on the facts I run across from the silly world in which we live.

As published in the Wall Street Journal on June 3, 2010, our U.S. Patent and Trademark Office is now going to Charge Inventors Extra for Expedited Service.

I am now going to think my way through this one. Please read on…

• Fact … Our Patent Office takes an awful long time to grant patents.
• Fact … Our inventors get awful frustrated having to wait that awful long time for approval of their inventions.
• Fact … Our Patent Office is now going to reap significant financial rewards as a result of their years of Bureaucratic Foot Dragging.

You want to get your patent approved?

If you will pay extra, we will jump right on your nifty idea.

Our inventors will certainly give in and the increased revenue will soon start rolling into our Federal Treasury. The dramatic inflow of this new revenue will be so immense that the next General Tax Increase will be delayed a whole 27 days.

The Head Patent Guy has already held a meeting with his crack staff and has used a PowerPoint Presentation to lay out these undeniable facts…

• Fact … The Patent Office’s long standing inefficiency is about to become a Revenue Enhancement Bonanza which will certainly increase their annual bonus checks.
• Fact … If they work together to get even slower, they will be able to ensure a never ending spiral of increased revenues and ever bigger bonuses.
• Fact … The first step toward slowing down even more has already been enacted. Afternoon naps are now mandatory for all workers.
• Fact … Effective immediately 25% of all Patent Clerks will be laid off in order to quickly and effectively accelerate the rate of slow down.

Here are more particulars of the plan that is now being called, If you want something extra from us, you have to give something extra to us. (The News Media has started using the term, “Extra Extra”.)…

• The inventors who pay extra will have their inventions pulled ahead of those who do not, or cannot, pay extra. This will increase the pressure on those who do not, or cannot, pay extra to pay extra.
• The above bullet will mean more people will have to go into our Financial Markets and Loan Sharking Industry for the funds they need to tide themselves over while they wait for their patents to be approved.
• Many inventors will have to go to these same sources to obtain added funds to pay the extra fees which they hope will expedite the ever-slowing approval process.
• The Patent Office will also be able to get “contributions” from the Financial and Loan Sharking Industries. These shrewd businessmen will be more than happy to pay the Patent Office for slowing down their giddy up.

Some are arguing for a Blue Ribbon Panel to study the feasibility of not approving any patents. They are calling their plan The Screeching Halt. They portend, if revenues can be dramatically increased by just slowing down, think how much they could draw into the Federal Treasury if they did absolutely nothing. Others say this idea is sheer Foolishness … or is it?

It’s the American Way but it never used to be.

Would I kid u?

My Foolish Prediction Is Coming True!

Sometimes my readers think I am being silly. Thinking I am being silly is Foolish.

In my blog posting on May 11, 2010 called "Giant Sucking Sound" http://forii.blogspot.com/2010/05/giant-sucking-sound.html I predicted our beautiful Planet Earth turning into a Giant Wobbling Raisin.

My Foolishness is intended to make you laugh. This is further proof that, after you stop laughing, you had better think about what I have just told you. Remember the "...Or Is It" part of the name of this blog.

Go to the Link below, take in what you see and then say out loud three times, "I am sorry I thought the Smartfella? was silly."

The link... http://www.twirlit.com/2010/06/01/sinkhole-in-guatemala-2010-crazy-photos/

Would I kid u?

I’m Going To Be Rich and You Are Not

I am telling all of you my plan because I know you can't take my idea and beat me to my millions. I have the whole masterful plan of action copyrighted, patented and locked away in my safe deposit box. Sit back and be amazed at my genius…

Over and over we are being "treated" to one Important Person after another apologizing for every conceivable type of transgression. After watching and reading umpteen of these heart-rending performances, I have detected a discernible pattern to their stand-up routines. I have put together a way for these famous people to streamline their confessions/apologies and save all of us a lot of viewing and/or reading time.

I'm going to sell packages of one-liners that famous people can use to convey to us their sincere and heartfelt contrition...
1. I wish to apologize to all of my fans and supporters for betraying the trust they have placed in me.
2. I know the sorrow I have caused.
3. I accept full responsibility for my actions.
4. I have found Jesus.
5. I apologize to my wife.
6. I apologize to my children.
7. I feel your pain.
8. I especially apologize to The Children who have looked up to me as a role model.
9. I am so deeply sorry.
10. There have been many who have tried to get me to see the error of my ways and I feel especially bad for the sorrow I have caused them by rejecting their sage advice.

That's the list. Here is the time saving and money making part...
I will offer packages of the above excuses to these important people for a fee. (Always remember: They are important, we are not.)

For example, our sorrowful famous person can just step up to the mike and say, "APAL Package # 3". (“APAL” stands for Advanced Packaged Apology Listing.) He can then step away from the mike and go do lunch. The assembled news media will already have been given a list of APAL Packages. They can refer to their APAL List and scurry away to file their stories.

APAL Price List:
Package #1 all 10...$5,000.
Package #2 will be made up of #'s 1,2,3,4,7,8,10...$4,000.
Package #3 will be made up of #'s 2,3,5,6,7...$3,500.
Package #4 will be made up of #'s 4,7,8...$3,000.
Package #5 will be made up of #'s 4,7...$2,000.
(You will notice that #7 is in all packages.)

I have decided not to offer any packages of less than two excuses for the obvious reason that the adoring public may begin to doubt the sincerity of the important person if he only used one excuse. We would not want that to happen, would we?

Would I kid u?

I Just May Be Picky

This blog posting was originally created Sunday, February 24, 2008. You may remember there was a Presidential Campaign raging at that time. I’m truly sorry to have reminded you of this chaotic time in your recent past.

Right away you will see that I am referring to Hillary Clinton. DO NOT jump to the false conclusion that this is a political posting. It is actually a posting about the sorry state that all of us (you, me and Hillary) are surrounded by.

What ticked me off back on February 22, 2008 was the News Media ... again. In the Atlanta Journal Constitution there is short article on page A4 that was headlined...

"Clinton tells fans to vote early"

You may ask what's wrong with that. Don’t you see the offending word? It's the word "fans". It's not "supporters" but "fans". It's like this is some kind of game. Some of us may laugh and say it is a game but a Presidential Campaign is serious stuff. Campaigns ought to be talked about by the News Media in serious terms.

It's the same as when a politician concludes a news conference and the News Media refers to how the news conference came off by saying it was a "performance". This is not a stage play. It is politics. Politics may be shameful but politics should be treated as serious shameful stuff.

Don't get me started about the "congregations" in our churches being referred to as "audiences".

Oh my gosh! ... I am picky.

Would I kid u?

A Marriage Ceremony Was Once A Solemn Occasion

Recently I read an article in my newspaper about a large marriage ceremony in Japan…
 At first I said, “Self, ain’t that nice.”
 After I read on a bit of the article I said, “Self, that ain’t nice.”
 After the full impact of what I read had fully sunk in, I said to myself, “Self, that ain’t even legal … or is it?”

Here is part of the article of which I speak…
“TOKYO – Almost everyone stood when the bride walked down the aisle in her white gown, but not the wedding conductor, because she was bolted to her chair.
The nuptials at this ceremony were led by "I-Fairy," a 4-foot (1.5-meter) tall seated robot with flashing eyes and plastic pigtails. Sunday's wedding was the first time a marriage had been led by a robot, according to manufacturer Kokoro Co.
The wedding took place at a restaurant in Hibiya Park in central Tokyo, where the I-Fairy wore a wreath of flowers and directed a rooftop ceremony. Wires led out from beneath it to a black curtain a few feet (meters) away, where a man crouched and clicked commands into a computer.”

There you go again, dear reader. You think the Smartfella? has made all of this up. For the life of me, I don’t know why you would think I was capable of such foolishness.

Technology is changing the world around at an amazing speed. Not all of these changes are for the better. Not all of these changes make sense…
 We have “progressed” to the point where people will sit is coffee shops texting messages to people who are across the table from them.
 There are some amongst us who think, if a cell phone rings while they are in their homes, they must get into their cars and start driving before they can answer the phone.
 Some of us could always spell better than others of us. With the coming of Texting & Instant Messaging there is absolutely no attempt to spell correctly. Cute has replaced Correct.
 The word “punctuation” is not spelled correctly but many of our young people do not know what the word means (or used to mean).

Now we have robots taking over such used-to-be-important things as Performing Marriage Ceremonies. How long will it be before we see the likes of…
 Robots going on vacation for us because we are too tired to go ourselves.
 All forty plus members of the latest Super Bowl Championship Team are robots and their fanatical followers (painted from head to toe in their team colors) are proclaiming that football is better than ever.
 A team of robots taking the final exams at Brain Surgery University while the future brain surgeons drink beer is a nearby Jacuzzi.

Would I kid u?

Going To Mass Used To Be Dangerous

When I was growing up going to mass was a very precarious venture. Allow me to explain…
 Up until that time in Catholic Church History there had never been any Rest Rooms in our churches.
 In fact, it was a mortal sin to do such a thing in a church.
 It was probably a venial sin to even think of doing any such a thing in a church.
 Back then we had sins but now we just express ourselves, do our own things or something like that.
 Catholic Children would walk up the aisle, genuflect, make the sign of the cross on their little selves and with rosary beads and prayer books in their little hands slide into the pew, kneel down and pray fervently that God would forgive them for their evil ways.

That was then and this is now…
 We now have Rest Rooms in all our churches.
 Our children are never told about mortal or venial sins because we don’t want to cause them to suffer from worry, guilt or any such thing that might prevent them from developing into the full flower of wonderful human beings that modern parents are programming them to become.
 Catholic Children are now dragged up the aisle carrying several action figures, a coloring book, crayons and a plastic bag of fruit loops.
 There is never a rosary or prayer book because the little darlings have only two arms and very small hands and can only carry so much.
 Within minutes of arriving in their pews, after they have spread their mass paraphernalia all over the pew and the floor, they announce that they have to go to the Rest Room.
 If the modern parent shows any hesitation the child (who is in full control of the situation) announces, “If I don’t get to go potty right now, I am going to die.”
 The horrified modern parent immediately jumps up and leads little modern catholic by the hand back to the Rest Room (actually the children could lead the way because they know from past experience where the Rest Rooms are).
 It does not matter how solemn or holy the part of the mass that is currently in process, when the child makes the Rest Room Demand the parent springs into action.
 This past Sunday I saw a three year old make a Rest Room Demand two times within five minutes (poor little thing must have been having issues).

Remember the subject of this blog? If not, I’ll save you the trouble of scrolling up...

Going To Mass Used To Be Dangerous.

Why was it so dangerous? Don’t you see it? ...
In the old days several of Rest Room Deprived children who were going to die if they did not get to the Rest Room immediately did die at every mass. As the survivors tried to exit the church, they tripped over the deceased little bodies and fell on their collective faces. There was a lot of Catholics that stumbled out of church back then with bloody noses. It was awful!

Would I kid u?

We Don’t Understand What To Cheer For Anymore

Follow the Money.
It’s the American Way.

Recently I saw a news article with the following quote in it, “Many cheered as demolition crews razed an old auto-parts plant to make way for a new casino.”

I would feel better if the quote went something like this, “Many cheered as demolition crews razed an old casino to make way for a new auto-parts plant.”

The Smartfella? understands what’s going on here. The casino will employ people. Employing people is a good thing. I just wish this society was building plants that build things.

Yes, I also know that the casino’s paychecks will support families, individuals and Indians. I just wish our society was not populated by people who go to these casinos to spend a lot of time, lose a lot of money and come away saying something like, “I know I lost my paycheck but I was entertained.”

I really wish some of these “entertainment” seekers would come over to my house and give me their “entertainment” money. I would even promise to use it to buy some auto parts. I could use a new coon tail for my antenna.

Would I kid u?

Hardship Case

There was a time when the National Basketball Association tried to protect High School Students by not allowing them to be drafted into the NBA.

Enter the Hardship Case…

• High School Students saw the money and decided they wanted the money.
• They found lawyers and/or agents (or lawyers and/or agents found them) who would take the NBA to court and claim infringement, mitigating circumstances, mental anguish or some such things.
• The lawyers/agents contended that the poor high school students were destitute and needed money to support their struggling mother or struggling father or struggling brothers or struggling sisters or struggling lawyers/agents.
• The lawyers/agents had to come up with a hook (they are good at that) so they called their client’s need to leave high school and join the NBA a “Hardship Case”.

It worked like a charm. In short order the lawyers/agents had lots of Hardship Clients (Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Garnett, etc.). All of a sudden there was a steady stream of kid basketball players in the NBA who were using their multimillion dollar paychecks to stock their new multi-car garages with more cars than they needed.

Almost at once they had lots of “friends” around them ready to help them spend their Hardship Money. For most of them spending money came easy.

All too soon all too many of them found themselves looking around and wondering where their friends and their money had gone. For some reason the friends leave as soon as the money leaves.

Having watched so many of these hardship cases come and go I now see what the real rush to get out of high school was all about. These young men were really anxious to become…

Broke And Destitute Former NBA Super Star Millionaires

We have another name for these people in our society. We call them…

High School Dropouts

Would I kid u?

Foolishness...Or Is It? ... The Book!

You have probably been saying to yourself for years, "I wish the Smartfella? would write a book and incorporate into it a healthly dose of his wonderful Foolishness...Or Is Its?."

What is that you say? You say you don't care whether I wrote a book or not? I am shocked!

Well, no matter what you think, I wrote the book anyway and you can buy your copy using this link ... http://www.createspace.com/3424086.

It is not a cheap book. It is high quality expensive book that you can buy for a cheap price.

Dare I be so foolish to as to say that those of you who do buy it will be glad you did? ... I hope.
AlexO

PS: To place your order, you will be asked to sign in to CreateSpace (the group that published the book). It is not complicated...You can do it!
PPS: After you have thoroughly enjoyed my book, please tell your many neighbors, relatives, friends and enemies to buy their own cheap copy.

Give Me The Credit I Deserve!

Even Snidely Whiplash would have denied his evil deeds.

Things certainly have changed and not for the better. It is hard to shrug this off by simply saying, “That’s Progress.”

Out in our world today is this hard to believe situation…
Someone blows up something and kills a bunch of innocent people and immediately competing organizations claim responsibility. Many times we hear that the competing organizations are claiming “credit”.

Credit? … Is that word not intended to be used when you have done something for which you are proud? Are they really proud of the fact that they have blown up something and killed a bunch of innocent people?

I’m sorry to tell you that they do appear to be very proud.

This Foolishness…Or Is It? is too sad to be funny and I wish I were kidding you.

Giant Sucking Sound (Revised April 10, 2022)

Figbrut Just Went Poof

Some Blog Postings are easier than others. For me this is one of these easy ones.

First: A 5-Minute Video about Green Energy that someone else created...

https://www.prageru.com/video/how-much-energy-will-the-world-need?utm_source=Iterable&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=campaign_3965824

Second: Another 5-Minute Video about Green Energy that someone else created...

https://www.prageru.com/video/whats-wrong-with-wind-and-solar

Last: A Blog Posting I did 12 Years Ago...

Mission accomplished...Two Videos that will make you Think and a Blog Posting that will make you Laugh and then Think and then Laugh Again (Especially, if you read it again)

May 11, 2010 (Revised April 10, 2022)

Giant Sucking Sound (Revised April 10, 2022)

The Kingston Trio was wrong way back in 1959 when they predicted the bomb would do us in…

But we can be thankful, and tranquil and proud,

For man’s been endowed with a mushroom-shaped cloud.

And we know for certain that some lovely day...

Someone will set the spark off and we will all be blown away!

Activate your mind’s eye and follow along with me…

In 1859 "Colonel" Edwin Drake succeeded in drilling an oil well in Pennsylvania. It just so happened that at that very moment Zerk on the planet Zxnon was observing the Planet Earth (Zxnon calls Earth, Figbrut). Drake’s gushing well caught Zerk’s attention and he said to himself, “I’m going to watch what happens on Figbrut for a while”.

Over the years since that day Zerk has watched mankind discover oil field after oil field, dig coal mine after coal mine, pull up gagzillion tons of natural gas from way down there somewhere and take out of the Figbrut all sorts of things like diamonds, gold, silver, chromium, uranium, zinc, copper, iron ore, other gems of all kind, lithium, neodymium, silicon, nickel, salt, colbalt, graphite and potatoes. 

The whole time he watched he kept thinking about whether or not those funny looking (no antennas coming out of their heads) humans down there understood the consequences of what they were doing to their planet. He felt certain that they did not understand the consequences because of the frenetic pace at which they kept sucking and hauling the insides of Figbrut to the surface. He kept on watching (Zxnonians live a long time and are known throughout the universe for their patience).

Then in Figbrut’s year 2067 his instruments picked up land mass vibrations from the Figbrut’s insides and, as he watched, the blue ball collapsed into itself. In the blink of an eye it was covered with smoke and fire. When the dust had settled the Figbrut was wobbling around its sun looking like a raisin that was about half the size of what it had been.

The Space Watchers in the other cubicles around Zerk’s saw what had happening and inquired as to what was going on. Zerk explained by using the example of a Peelquat (a Zxnonian cantelope) that had had all its insides sucked out. It simply collapsed into itself because there was no there there to support its outer surface. He said, “Figbrut Just Went Poof”.

I’m sure glad I will not be around in 2067.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Watch Out For These Guys

In a prior, (certainly another very well appreciated) Foolishness…Or Is It? I warned you, my loyal readers, about the dangers of living next door to a Nice Guy. This was based on the fact that after all mass murderers have done their mass murdering our intrepid news media is certainly going to conduct an interview where the interviewee will say that the killer was really a Nice Guy.

Of course, my warning to all of you who had a Nice Guy living next door was to move away as quickly as possible.

Please heed this new Dire Warning of mine ... If you live next door to a person with Three Names, you better call the moving van…

• Lee Harvey Oswald
• James Earl Ray
• John Wilkes Booth
• John Wayne Gacy
• Mark David Chapman
• Jack The Ripper
• Khalid Sheik Mohammed

It makes no difference if you moved when I told you about the Nice Guy Danger. This is serious business. You are just going to have to move again.

I would never forgive myself, if I neglected to tell you about the Three Name Guy Danger, and you came to harm because I was worried about a little inconvenience to you.

Look at it this way … It is a good time to buy a house.

Would I kid u?

Never Heard Of This one

In my local newspaper on May 4, 2010 I see where a lady was, “Arrested on charges she harbored an illegal ruckus on her property.”

The Dictionary tells me that a “ruckus” is, “a noisy commotion; fracas; rumpus”.

OK, that about what I expected a Ruckus would be but what I don’t understand is the “illegal” part of our lady’s issues with the county.

If you wanted to have a Legal Ruckus at your house, do you have to jump through certain bureaucratic hoops? …

• Do you have to go to the courthouse and get a Ruckus Permit?
• Do you have to pay a fee?
• Why do you have to pay a fee?
• Are you allowed to serve liquor?
• Are there any minimum age restrictions?
• When your Ruckus is over, do you have to notify the authorities that you have terminated your Fully Authorized Legal Ruckus and that you are all Ruckused Out?

If there is a minimum age restriction, I think that would be a great mistake. We should all agree that the young people of the good ole USofA are quite capable of creating quite a ruckus.

“Illegal Ruckus” you can add this to the list of things I don’t understand. That list is getting bigger each day.

Would I kid u?