Going To Mass Used To Be Dangerous

When I was growing up going to mass was a very precarious venture. Allow me to explain…
 Up until that time in Catholic Church History there had never been any Rest Rooms in our churches.
 In fact, it was a mortal sin to do such a thing in a church.
 It was probably a venial sin to even think of doing any such a thing in a church.
 Back then we had sins but now we just express ourselves, do our own things or something like that.
 Catholic Children would walk up the aisle, genuflect, make the sign of the cross on their little selves and with rosary beads and prayer books in their little hands slide into the pew, kneel down and pray fervently that God would forgive them for their evil ways.

That was then and this is now…
 We now have Rest Rooms in all our churches.
 Our children are never told about mortal or venial sins because we don’t want to cause them to suffer from worry, guilt or any such thing that might prevent them from developing into the full flower of wonderful human beings that modern parents are programming them to become.
 Catholic Children are now dragged up the aisle carrying several action figures, a coloring book, crayons and a plastic bag of fruit loops.
 There is never a rosary or prayer book because the little darlings have only two arms and very small hands and can only carry so much.
 Within minutes of arriving in their pews, after they have spread their mass paraphernalia all over the pew and the floor, they announce that they have to go to the Rest Room.
 If the modern parent shows any hesitation the child (who is in full control of the situation) announces, “If I don’t get to go potty right now, I am going to die.”
 The horrified modern parent immediately jumps up and leads little modern catholic by the hand back to the Rest Room (actually the children could lead the way because they know from past experience where the Rest Rooms are).
 It does not matter how solemn or holy the part of the mass that is currently in process, when the child makes the Rest Room Demand the parent springs into action.
 This past Sunday I saw a three year old make a Rest Room Demand two times within five minutes (poor little thing must have been having issues).

Remember the subject of this blog? If not, I’ll save you the trouble of scrolling up...

Going To Mass Used To Be Dangerous.

Why was it so dangerous? Don’t you see it? ...
In the old days several of Rest Room Deprived children who were going to die if they did not get to the Rest Room immediately did die at every mass. As the survivors tried to exit the church, they tripped over the deceased little bodies and fell on their collective faces. There was a lot of Catholics that stumbled out of church back then with bloody noses. It was awful!

Would I kid u?