Fixing The Future From The Present

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I recently read in my newspaper where Syrian Troops are reported to have killed more than 250 children since the spring of this year. This figure includes a 2 year old girl who was killed to prevent her from growing up to become an anti-government demonstrator.

The Syrians obviously can see into the future. This ability is one that would be coveted by other evil and/or stupid people. Three good examples might be...

• New York Yankees fans who disposed of a 2 year old boy in Wyoming because they could clearly see that the little fellow was destined to become the greatest home run hitter to ever play baseball and he was going to spend his entire career playing for the Boston Red Sox.
• The members of Congress who got together and took out a 2 year old in Mississippi. Their future gazing told them the boy was destined to spend 32 years as a member of Congress and was going to be completely incorruptible and honest. They feared he was going to make the folks back home expect other members of Congress to do likewise.
• Celebrities out in Hollywood arranged a double hit of a 2 year old girl in Kansas and a 5 year old boy in Vermont. These two were done away with because they were foreseen becoming big time movie stars who were going to marry and stay happily married for 56 years. Hollywood Celebrities certainly would not want people of their ilk hanging around.

If we could only see into the future, we could correct a lot of problems before they reared their ugly heads.

Would I kid u?

Illegal Immigrants Are Massing For An Attack

We are being invaded by Illegal Aliens. The problem is growing and public officials do not seem to be concerned. This Foolishness...Or Is It? is a plea for each of you to join me in trying to get our collective arms around this danger to our national security.

What’s that you just said about a Hispanic Invasion coming across our southern border? What are you talking about? I am not talking about an invasion of Illegal Hispanic Immigrants. What I fear is the dramatic influx of Romans.

Have you not been reading the newspapers? Have you not noticed that, in news article after news article, the Romans are everywhere? I guess you are not as observant as I am.

(As you read below you may find yourself thinking I made up these names. Again I swear on my little-read book that I have seen every one of these names in my daily newspaper.)

Maybe you have been distracted by the increase of New Spellings...

Cydney, Charlize, Jessekah, Ulisses, Ashleigh, Rebekah, Regena, Mychael, Kaarin, Justyn, Jackqueline, Aundre

or

Maybe you have been distracted by the Apostrophed Names...

Nu’Keese, Re’Nya, Va’Shaundya, Ja’Wuan, Yo’era, Tre’Sean, Dont’a, Da’Rick

or

Maybe you have been distracted by Hyphenated Names like...

Tai-ler

No it is not the above “interesting” names that are my concern. It is the Romans. These guys once conquered the entire known world that was worth knowing. When they get their numbers up to the level where overthrow is possible, we are going to be in deep trouble.

Now that I have made you aware of this impending disaster I trust you will start seeing what I have been seeing in my newspaper...

Dontavius, Johnquavious, Quantavious, Martavious, Kenarious, Kentavious, Rantavius, Shaundarius, Rantavious, Martellus, Martavius

Where did Tom, Dick and Harry go to?

I’d be willing to bet you wondering why I took the time to record all these names. To tell you the truth, I’m wondering about the very same thing.

Would I kid u?

Proof That You Are Smart

There are many ways that we can “prove” we are smart...

• Being a success in a long productive life.
• Earning a PhD.
• Winning a whole bunch of money on Jeopardy and having Alex say, “Golly gee, you are smart!”
• Speaking into a microphone.

What is that you say? You think that that last one above is too broad a brush stroke? Wow, you are really smart! Allow me to give you 3 examples about how right you were when you caught me trying to trick you with that microphone one.

Before I begin...

I do solemnly swear on my Little-Read Published Book that these three stupidities actually happened and I heard them happen with my own ears or read about them in national publications.

• A few days ago a nut in New York City sprayed gasoline on an elderly woman in an elevator and killed her by setting her on fire. The alleged killer of the alleged victim has been captured. An official of the NYC Police Department said that, although the alleged killer had no prior criminal record, that does not mean he is not dangerous. The Smartfella? thinks you would not have to go very far to convince the alleged victim that alleged killer was dangerous.
• Salacious is defined as, “1. lustful or lecherous. 2. obscene; grossly indecent.” I once actually heard a lady with a microphone who was commenting about the start of Lent say, “Lent is the time of year when Catholics abstain from salacious activities”. I am here to tell you that this is one of the best things about being a Catholic. We only have to abstain from lustful, lecherous, obscene and/or grossly indecent activities 40 days a year.
• I saw and heard this one in the aftermath of the Oklahoma City Bombing. The destroyed smoking building was in the background and the not-too-smart-lady-with-the-microphone was in the foreground. Among the destroyed things in the background was a beat up car with the windows blown out. The not-too-smart-lady-with-the-microphone said, “This is one of the vehicles suspected of being the vehicle that contained the bomb”. This idiot actually thought that the explosion that destroyed one complete side of that building only blew out the windows and messed up the upholstery of a compact car.

Do you now understand that the presence of a microphone does not make the Microphone Speaker smart?

Would I kid u?

Iran Is Opening Up Its Nuclear Program To The U.N.

My newspaper tells me that Iran has agreed to let inspectors from the United Nation’s International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) into their country for inspections of its Nuclear Activities. This is a wonderful thing...Or is it?

The Nuclear Stuff that the IAEA is concerned about is...

• All sorts of secret work on Nuclear Weapons.
• Conducting high explosive testing and detonator development for the express purpose of being able to set off Nuclear Charges.
• Computer modeling of cores for Nuclear Warheads.
• Preparations for an actual Nuclear Weapons test.
• Developing a Nuclear Payload for the Shahab 3 intermediate range missile which can reach Israel.

Iran has repeatedly vowed to “wipe Israel from the face of the Earth”. I would be concerned if those crazy Alabamians were repeatedly threatening to wipe Georgia off the face of the Earth.

There are some who say the IAEA ought not to bother because Iran was very restrictive about what inspectors were actually allowed to see during past inspections.

The Smartfella? thinks it would not be worth the air fare. There is not much to be gained by inspecting the Energy Drink Section of the Convenience Store on the corner of Mohammed Street and Mohammed Street in beautiful downtown Tehran.

Would I kid u?

Congress Is Sure Glad These Two Things Were Invented

Voted by our 9% Approval Rating Congress as Mankind’s Two Greatest Inventions:

The Can and The Road

Without being able to Kick the Can Down the Road Congress would have little to do.

Would I kid u?

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He Is Not Dead Yet And I Can Hardly Wait

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

The subject of this posting is an incomplete sentence. The complete sentence is, “He is not dead yet and I can hardly wait to send my Tweet”.

Why am I subjecting you to this? That’s because this subject is in the news. This is the state of the world we live in. This is progress...Or is it?

This is what caused me to go off today’s deep end...

• An erroneous rumor circulated yesterday that a former Mexican President had died.
• The current Mexican President sent his condolences via Twitter.

That’s it. Leaders of countries now are conducting affairs of state via Twitter.

This all means that you better not buy any Hallmark Card stock.

When I was young my mother often sent me to the local drug store to buy a Hallmark Card (she always cared to send the very best) for some relative for some occasion. My instructions were to spend 10 cents for the card. If it was an elevated relative, I was told to spend 15 cents.

If now was then, my mother would have just sent a Tweet. If it were an elevated relative, she would have added a Smiley Face.

Speaking of Rumors...

• Aren’t most rumors erroneous?
• They may be erroneous but that fact does not keep our News Media from reporting them as fact.
• The one that really gets to me is, “The Stock Market fell sharply yesterday on rumors something bad happened in Greece. Those rumors later proved to be untrue”.

I would feel especially bad if I had said to my stock broker the day before, “I’m going to Tahiti overnight. Sell the entire vast fortune that I have accumulated after working hard all my life. Do not bother me tomorrow. Just do what I am telling you. I’m going to be lying on the beach feeling rich”.

Would I kid u?

You May Be A Criminal

This may be a first. The Smartfella? is here and now issuing an apology for this posting being as long as it is but this is serious stuff. Please read on. As usual, there will be humor but this is serious stuff.

Sometime in the past there existed a bedrock doctrine of Anglo-American jurisprudence called mens rea, or “guilty mind” or Criminal Intent. This by-the-wayside legal terminology held that a person shouldn’t be convicted if he has not shown intent to do something wrong.

This bedrock doctrine has been replaced by the oft-repeated bedrock doctrine made famous by Lamont Cranston (The Shadow) in his 1940s radio broadcasts, “Ignorance of the Law is No Excuse”.

At present there are 4,500 Federal Crimes (and growing). This is a tad more that the Founding Fathers wrote into the Constitution...Treason, Piracy and Counterfeiting.

Since the year 2,000 the number of people sentenced for violation of Federal Laws has reached 788,517 (and growing).

There are also 300,000 regulations (and growing) that go along with these 4,500 Federal Crimes (and growing).

Many people are being convicted because they broke laws they were not aware that they had broken.

My neswpaper just wrote an article about a Building Engineer who is now a Convicted Criminal. Here are the details about him and his “crime”...

• Many years ago, in order to escape the world of crime that he grew up in, he took a job making $1.80 an hour in the D.C. Education Department. In his life thus far he had seen the murder of his 3 brothers and the death of his father from a heart attack (upon hearing about his second son’s murder).
• He took facility classes at night to learn about power plants, boiler rooms and maintenance. He worked for 24 years and by the time he moved on to his present job in 1993 he was the Facility Engineer for the Board of Education.
• He raised his two youngest daughters alone, determined to show them how to lead a crime-free life.
• He committed his Federal Crime working as the Facility Engineer at a large Military Retirement Center.
• On occasion when one of his buildings flooded he diverted the backup into storm drains that he thought went into the waste treatment system.
• A Justice Department Court acknowledged that he did not know that his diversions actually went into a creek and the creek went into the Potomac River.
• Such diversions were a long standing practice at the facility that started long before our Building Engineer Hard Working Good Citizen became our Building Engineer Convicted Criminal.

From another article from my newspaper...

“The federal criminal code has grown so large it ensnares everyday citizens who have no idea they are violating the law, a bipartisan group of legal experts told a House panel”.

What’s the big deal about having a little bit of Criminal Conviction on your record...

• Applications for jobs, loans and occupational licenses – ranging from plumbers to auctioneers – ask about a person’s criminal record.
• Such convictions can affect international travel, joining the military and can be disqualifying for anyone seeking Federal Employment. (Actually this last one may be the only restriction we presently have on the growth of the federal workforce.)
• The stigma placed by society against one’s good name (some of us still care about such things).

Years ago I posted a blog about Congress passing too many laws and how I would be ready to support any incumbent for office who was useless (in a congressional sense). I quote from that blog...

I am coming around to the point of thinking where the incumbent who can verifiably proclaim in his campaign slogan, "I Did Not Do Anything Since You Sent Me to Congress", is the kind of Do-Nothing that will get my vote in the future.

Sometimes I surprise myself at how smart I am. 

I’m sure glad writing about Foolishness is not against Federal Law...Or is it?

You better hope that reading about Foolishness is not against Federal Law...Cuz it might be.

Would I kid u?

The Fix Is Always The Fix

I read in my newspaper where a highly respected economist just gave a speech where he said that the key to the future is to raise taxes. To be more exact he said that the only way to avoid disaster is to raise taxes.

In some people’s minds raising taxes is always The Fix. The only variable that the Fixers ever give us is when they change the particular tax that will fix everything. Sometimes it is the Property Tax. Sometimes it is the Income Tax. Sometimes it is our many Sin Taxes (no one cares about those people anyway). This highly respected economist told his audience that his Disaster Prevention Tax is a Sales Tax.

Why is raising taxes always The Fix? Looking back at history (some of us are incapable of looking back at history) will give us many examples of how raising taxes did not make it all better. One obvious example (nothing is “obvious” in politics) is our Education System.

Show me an elected official who voted against giving more money to schools and I will show you an elected official who is or will shortly be referred to as a Former Elected Official.

The amount of money we spend on education is going up at about the same pace as the water from Niagara Falls is going down. Despite the volume of money being spent the results are sad. Many times we find that those school districts which spent the most achieved the worst results.

Don’t jump on the Smartfella? and say he is against Education. That’s the same jump on that gave those public officials referred to above the label “former”. They dared to think. They dared to say something like, “That’s throwing good money after bad money”.

Getting back to always raising taxes being The Fix for everything, I continue to have the ability to foresee the obvious future. If we keep “fixing” everything by raising taxes to fix everything we are going to shortly be using the New IRS Short Form (which my sources tell me is already printed up and sitting on the shelves of the IRS Publications Warehouse)...

Line 1...How much did you make last year?

Line 2...Send it in.

The small print at the bottom of the New Short Form reads, “If you can’t find enough money to send it all in because you spent some of it, go to www.itusedtobeyours.com where you can borrow from China the amount you did not safeguard for your fellow Americans”.

Would I kid u?

College Graduates’ First Major Financial Decision

I read in my newspaper that college graduates today average more than $25,000 in Student Loan Debt when they receive their degrees.

This means right after graduating they are faced with the First Major Financial Decision...

They have to decide if they will make payments on their $25,000+ Student Loan?

Or

Will they make payments on their $25,000+ Credit Card Bill?

It is sure surprising how fast all those Spring Break Trips, Video Games, Beer and Pizzas add up.

Would I kid u?

Penalty Fits The Crime ... Or Does It?

According to the American Heritage Dictionary:

Felony Is Defined As...

One of several grave crimes, such as murder, rape, or burglary, punishable by a more stringent sentence than that given for a misdemeanor.

Child Abuse Is Defined As...

Child abuse is the blanket term for four types of child mistreatment physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect.

--------------------------------

All of the above sounds like and is serious stuff. People who go about Felonying (don’t write me, I know this is not a word) and Child Abusing ought to be dealt with by society sternly because they have done serious bad stuff. I ask you, does the case I am about to relate fall into the area of our law called “Serious Bad Stuff”?

According to my local newspaper...

Ø A father drank so much that he became a Drunken Dad.

Ø Drunken Dad had his 9-year-old daughter with him.

Ø To be on the safe side driving home, he let his 9-year-daughter do the driving.

Ø The police stopped the vehicle in which they were riding and saw the 9-year-old in the driver’s seat and Drunken Dad immediately was in a whole bunch of trouble.

He should have known better. The police saw the vehicle being driven erratically and decided to stop the vehicle... Right? ... Wrong!

Actually the vehicle was being driven in a very safe manner but Drunken Dad and his daughter had stopped for gas and Drunken Dad had bragged about his 9-year-old daughter driving his drunken butt home

The late Paul Harvey just came into my computer room and asked me to tell all of you The Rest of the Story...

The police stopped the safely being driven vehicle because the people in the gas station called the police and told them about the Drunken Dad and his 9-year-old safe-diving daughter.

OK I agree Drunken Daddy did something wrong. He probably ought to have some kind of charges brought against him. How about something like?...

Ø Charged with Being Stupid?

Ø Charged with Not Calling His 45-Year-Old Brother-In-Law to come drive them home?

Ø Charged with not buying his 9-year-old daughter a soda pop to drink while he slept his drunken self sober on in the corner of the bar?

What was he charged with? You have probably guessed by now. He was charged with Felony Child Abuse.

Go back and read the Italicized beginning of this posting. Do you think that this Penalty Fits This Crime?

Would I kid u?

Abandon All Hope

I try not to blog too often but this is so “today” that I could not wait.

Once the first juicy and salacious news article is written, it is all over. The subject of the juicy and salacious news article will twist and turn but he is a politically dead man from that moment onward.

I am talking about Herman Cain. He is the latest victim of a phenomenon called, News Media Attack Crescendo.

Although some of you will come away from this article saying I am defending Herman, I really am not. I am addressing the reality of what happens when juicy, especially salacious, stories are allowed to run their course.

I probably should not have bothered to say “allowed” above. In reality, such stories are not “allowed”. There is no way of stopping them once they get started.

Herman is politically dead. The reporting about his campaign is now not about anything other than the juicy and salacious stuff. (Anyone remember 9 9 9?) I will give you 4 bullet points below that will make every one of you fully agree with me (yea right )...

• Are you surprised that today there is a news article out about Herman and his current troubles?
• The article contains 1,046 words (Did you know that Microsoft Word displays a count of all the words in a Word File? I did not want you to think I sit around counting words. I’ve got better things to do...Or do I?).
• Only 51 words are about anything other than the juicy and salacious.
• That means 995 words were devoted to the juicy and salacious.

If you want to check me out go to... http://www.mydesert.com/article/20111130/NEWS11/111130004/Cain-presses-ahead-after-PS-affair-allegation .

Here are the non-juicy/salacious words...

“Cain received a standing ovation after he spoke about what a "Cain administration" would do.” (The article did not report on what a Cain Administration would do.)

And...

“stuck to his plan to present his foreign policy vision, one in which the U.S. would stand by friendly nations such as Israel, quit giving money to countries he considered enemies and spend more on defense.”

Can any campaign survive if 95.1% of what is written about it is juicy and salacious? You can stick a fork in Herman and test him to make certain but, in my opinion, he is done.

What’s he going to do now? He can probably go to a public park and play chess with the coach of the (#1 ranked) Duke University Lacrosse Team who was immediately fired when those reports of his players raping that stripper surfaced.

How many of us remember that the reports of the rape were juicy, salacious and untrue but he still lost his job?

Would I kid u?

You Got My Money!

Every day since Jonah Mail invented the daily delivery of Mail individuals and business have spent a portion of their day opening envelopes. Who would have ever expected that some insane person would decide one day to put Anthrax into envelopes so that the persons opening those envelopes would breathe in that bad stuff and get sick and/or die?

In 2001 we had an insane evil person (a loan government scientist who later committed suicide) do the evil deed described in the paragraph above. As a result of the actions of this one insane person, 4 people died and 17 others became sick. We all can agree that the bad guy did the bad thing...Or can we?

It seems that the widow of one of the dead and her intrepid lawyer did not agree. They filed a lawsuit against our government (that’s us) in 2003. They have just been rewarded for their efforts by our government (that’s us) agreeing to pay out $2,500,000 of our money.

Why did they not sue the manufacturer of the envelope or the manufacturer of vehicle that carried the mail to her husband’s office or the Post Office or the manufacturer of the letter opener? They sued our government (that’s us) and not all those others because our government (that’s us) has an unlimited supply of money that can be borrowed from China (that’s not us).

We have all seen a myriad of You Have Got To Be Kidding lawsuits. When they were filed we laughed. Once they were settled, we said to our collective selves, “How did they get that much money for that silly law suit?”

I am here to tell you about one that you will probably read about any day now...

• A bad guy points a gun at a good guy and pulls the trigger.
• Another good guy jumps in front of the intended victim and takes the bullet instead.
• The another good guy recovers and sues the bad guy and is awarded $12,000,000.
• The intended victim good guy then sues the another good guy contending that the another good guy took the bullet that was intended for him and, therefore, took his $12,000,000.

This is silly...Or is it?

This is foolishness...Or is it?

This will never happen...Or will it?

Would I kid u?

Did You Really Think I Would Overlook Black Friday?

I know what you have been thinking. You have been wondering how it is that I have not commented on Black Friday. This annual madness is certainly one of the most Foolish things we engage in every year. Well wonder no more. Here it comes.

They are responsible. They did this to us. They got together with them (the same bunch that puts potholes in our collective streets) and decided to do this to us.

They knew that the key to success was to use the word “bargain”. The folks back home cannot resist a bargain. Once we knew there were bargains to be had, we were toast.

Let’s call him Homer. I read in my newspaper about Homer and his bargain gathering during last week’s Black Friday Rampage. He is a Bargain Hunting Machine ... Or is he?

Homer has bargain hunting down to a science...

• He prints out maps of the interior layout of the stores so he will not waste any seconds turning down the wrong aisles as he gathers up his bargains.
• He has assistant bargain hunters standing in line for him at various bargain stores.
• Other assistants push extra bargain collection carts behind him to hold his bargains as he swishes through the various aisles of his various stores.
• He uses his bargain hunting assistants to stand in line to pay for his bargains so he can dart off to other stores where his Standing-In-Line Assistants have been standing in line for him.
• he article reports that among his most coveted bargains this year were a Trampoline, a Giant Bean Bag Chair and a Toy Peddle Car.

The guy is a bargain hunting genius ... Or is he?

This mental midget was interviewed about his bargain gathering. In the interview he said he did not know the original prices of most of the things he bought. He figured he was saving 20% to 40%.

They have won. We have lost. The Homers out there don’t even check to find out what the original cost of what they harvest on Black Friday is. They have convinced us that everything is a bargain on Black Friday.

I always feel obligated to predict the future for my dear readers. Here is what I see coming...

Homer will one day walk out of a store on Black Friday clutching a $2,000 Etch a Sketch and saying to himself, “Self, it certainly must be a real bargain because I bought it on Black Friday”.

Would I kid u?

Explaining The Unexplainable ... Again

According to Yahoo Health... “Dehydration means your body does not have as much water and fluids as it should. Dehydration can be caused by losing too much fluid, not drinking enough water or fluids, or both.” Link below... http://health.yahoo.net/channel/dehydration.html

According to the European Food Standards Authority, this understanding of dehydration is in question...

“In a declaration being met with widespread criticism, the European Food Standards Authority has ruled bottled water distributors can’t advertise that their products prevent dehydration.” Link below...

http://www.baynews9.com/article/news/2011/november/346823/European-commission-claims-bottled-water-doesnt-prevent-dehydration.html

The Smartfella? always likes to explain things to his loyal readers. I am ready to help each of you understand this somewhat confusing situation. It is really simple. What European Food Standards Authority is telling us is simply...

Drinking Water Is Not a Remedy for a Lack of Water

Now do you understand?

Glad I could help.

Would I kid u?

Our News Media Is Right Again!

Ever since the Super Committee was created in August our intrepid news media has been referring to them by the title, So Called Super Committee.

This caused me no end of confusion. I kept saying to myself, “Self, is the super committee super or is it not super? If our 9% Approval Rating Congress designated them as super, then they must be super. How can our media just take it upon their collective selves to impugn their validity like this? What gives them the right to add on, ‘So Called’?”

Now we know that the So Called Super Committee is no more. They have thrown in the towel. They have given up the ghost. They have folded their tent. They have cried “uncle” (whatever that means).

I will never question our news media again. They were right on the money with their use of, “So Called”.

The Smartfella’s? mind sees things that ordinary fellas do not see. What I see is the fact that the worst part of this whole thing is the damage that has been done to anything super...

• Can the children of America ever look with amazed admiration at Superman again?
• All our fast food restaurants are going to have to get a replacement for, “Super Size Me”.
• The Duper family of Squirrel Tail, Illinois is going to find their children being ridiculed and picked upon by bullies at school by being called “Super Duper”.

Our Super Committee has proven that it is a Super Failure and I see no need to add “So Called” to that well earned designation.

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

Silliness Is Engrained In GOP Debates

It does not make sense that candidates have only 30 Seconds to answer questions.

Would I kid u?

(This posting was too short. The following was added the day after it was originally published.)

Mr. Madison, this proposed Constitution of yours is generally acknowledged by Ye Ole News Media as a document that is too complicated to stand the test of time. Aaron Burr has proposed a 3X5 Index Card replacement. Would you explain to ye ole folks back home why this unwieldy creation of yours should be adopted tomorrow? You have 30 Seconds to answer.

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

Debates Are Boring But I Can Fix That

I have contracted with 7 major television networks to host and moderate a GOP Presidential Debate. It will be called, The Smartfella’s? Google Twitter Backyard Town Hall Meeting Facebook You-Tube GOP Presidential Debate Chit Chat. 

Even if I do say so myself, this is a real catchy name for a debate.

The questions in the 78 debates that have been held since the first of November all seem to have been the same. I am going to break new ground and go where no moderator has gone before. I am going to change up the questions and the questioned to bring a whole new perspective on what has been a very predictable and dull affair.

Here are just a few example questions…

Question #1… Mr. Santorum, while you were Governor of Massachusetts you came up with a Health Care Plan that many say was the model for Obamacare. Why did you call it Romneycare instead of calling it Santorumcare?

Question #2… Mr. Gingrich, what in your background growing up as a poor black person in Jim Crow South make you believe that you could sexually harass 4 different women in the space of 3 years?

Question #3… Ms. Bachmann, during your decade as Governor of Texas it has been reported that on many occasions you moonlighted as an Obstetrician and Gynecologist by the name of Ron Paul. Are you going to continue to deny that you committed this deception? Is it not time to come clean with the American People and finally tell the folks back home how many teeth you filled during this rotten Decade of Deception?

I could list more than three but I think you may have seen enough of my intended line of questioning to fully understand what true investigative questioning looks like or you may have just had enough.

By allowing you to read this blog posting I have taken you into my confidence. You are the only one besides me that knows the intended line of questioning that I will employ as moderator of this ground breaking debate.

Most of all don’t tell the candidates. The American People deserve to know if their next President can think on his/her feet and if they can handle that 3am phone call.

Would I kid u?

 

Why Pass Meaningful Legislation When Gimmickry Will Do The Trick?

I saw an article in the newspaper today that was headlined as follows,

“Gimmicks Could Help Rescue Deficit Talks”

Wow! Think about this for a minute. Instead of passing legislation that could truly make a difference, our 9% Approval Rating Congress is spending it’s time figuring out how they can trick us into thinking that they did something of importance.

Here is a Foolish Example (Or is it)...

Your boss calls you into his lavish corner office and thanks you for all your hard work and tells you that a grateful company is giving you a 15% raise. Considering the present dire economic circumstances, however, the raise will not be included in your paycheck’s automatic deposit each month.

He explains that this is a Win Win for all concerned... You get a raise and the company does not have to give you any extra money.

My Foolish juices are flowing and you know what that means...

In your mind’s eye picture these points made in an address in Congress by Senator Foghorn...

Ø Having first been elected to the Senate at the age of 7 he is now in his 6^th decade of service to the folks back home.

Ø There is no need to pass legislation that will address the ever-expanding federal deficit in any meaningful way because the folks back home will never understand the legalize in which it is written (members of Congress do not understand it either) and/or the simple-minded folks are too busy watching Dancing With the Stars.

Ø  As has so often worked in the past, Gimmickry is the way to proceed.

Ø The basic premise of his present obfuscation plan is to claim credit for the money that will not be spent in Afghanistan and Iraq for the next 50 years plus any other wars that we will not get into during this period of time to declare the budget balanced.

There it is. It makes perfect sense. The folks back home will fall for it for sure. They always do.

It gives us folks a great deal of comfort to know that their 9% Approval Rating Congress is on the job and watching out for our well being ... Or does it?

Would I kid u?

 

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

The Wheels Of Justice Grind Slowly … Or Do They?

In a single page of my local newspaper the other day I found the following…

• A bad person was finally convicted of killing a neighbor in December 2001.
• Another bad person’s execution for killing his girlfriend and her two sons on New Year’s Eve 1993 was delayed.
• Another bad person who killed a man and his son in 2004 has been awaiting trial since March 2005. (This one is especially interesting because the defense attorneys have been using every trick in or out of the book to delay the trial and are now asking for dismissal because their client has been denied a speedy trial.)

Do you see why I cleverly chose, “The Wheels Of Justice Grind Slowly” as the subject of this blog posting?

I feel compelled to go into a tirade:

Our System Of Justice Always Takes a Long Time To Do Anything … Or does it?

Enter Lindsey Lohan…

Our Lindsey has been sent to jail 5 times since 2007. The latest time she was sent to jail was a few days ago. This time she was welcomed into jail to serve a 30 day sentence but was released less than 5 hours later because the sheriff said the jail was overcrowded.

The sheriff wants us to know that he thinks we are stupid because he issued the following statement, “She was treated like every other inmate who has gone through similar circumstances”.

The Smartfella? has 2 questions for the sheriff…

• Does “similar circumstances” mean they too were sent to jail 5 times since 2007?
• If the jail was overcrowded, that means there were probably other people who had been in jail longer than less than 5 hours. Why could not one of those long termers have been released instead of Lindsey?

Guess our good sheriff never heard of the accounting method of First In First Out.

Would I kid u?

Crystal Ball Justice

I have pined about the need for Crystal Balls before and, as usual, the world is ignoring me. We need them! Think how many Jobs Jobs Jobs could be created if there were Crystal Ball Factories all over the good ole USofA!

If we had a crystal ball in all courtrooms, our system of justice would function a lot better.

Michael Jackson’s Doctor has just been convicted of causing Michael to die. The trial has taken about six weeks. It has cost the American Tax Payers an untold amount of money.

Everyone on TV seems to be satisfied with the conviction. I am not on TV but I am not too pleased with what I heard today just might be the sentence that will be handed out to the Convicted Doctor.

My TV told me that the Convicted Doctor may get 4 years in jail or he may be sentenced to 4 years of Home Confinement.

Huh? Did I just say that my TV just said, “Home Confinement”? This means that we have had to endure all this time in court, all these witnesses, all these speeches, all these deliberations, all this money being spent, all those demonstrators outside the courtroom showing their support for the dead Michael, all these reporters reporting anything and everything about this case and now we may end up with Home Confinement!

See why I wish we had a Crystal Ball in every courtroom? If we could have looked into the crystal ball and seen that we were going to end up with Home Confinement, we could skipped all of the consternation described in the above paragraph and just say to the not-so-good doctor, “Go Home”.

Sure would have been a lot easier.

Would I kid u?

Congress Is Paying No Attention To Me

Years ago I wrote about how Congress was taking funds out of the Highway Trust Fund and using it for other “more worthy?” things and, as usual, they paid me no mind.

My basic premise is that the Gas Sales Tax is levied on us to pay for Highways, Bridges and Roads because Highways, Bridges and Roads are in need of constant maintenance and construction.

Taking the money to use for other needs is misappropriation of funds but Congress does this type of thing all the time.

Congress doing things all the time makes it OK … Or does it?

There you go again thinking there I am being too picky but you will never get me to change my mind on this one. I believe that, if they want to spend $78,000,000,000 (amount Congress spent in the last 4 years) on other things, they ought to pass completely separate bills to fund these other things. What other things am I talking about? Here are a few examples…

• Bicycle Paths
• Walking Paths
• Jogging Paths
• 25 transportation museums
• Horse Riding Trails
• Daniel Boone Path (whatever that is)

Now you are saying to yourself, “Self, why is he being so hard on Congress? If the money is just sitting around, why not put it to use?”

That’s just it. The money is not just sitting around. Congress has to keep adding money to the depleted Highway Trust Fund.

Where do we get the money to bail out the Highway Trust Fund? Can you say … “Borrow from China”?

What did I just hear you say to yourself? Did you really say, “It is just sitting around in China?” I do not consider that a valid argument.

Would I kid u?

Big News Big Bank Big Celeb … Signs Of The Times

Are we beings distracted from news that is important to us by our Big News Media?

Bank of America was attacked from all side (including the Senate floor) because it announced it was going to charge $5/month for Debit Card use.

They were attacked because they were the first to do this dastardly deed … Right? … Wrong!

The reason BofA was attacked is because they are BIG.

BofA cancelled their Debit Card Charge on November 1, 2011 and now it appears that all banks have reversed this charge.

What’s that I said? You thought that BofA was the only bank that was evil enough to do such a terrible thing?

Actually BofA was one of many to participate in this new charge. Many of the banks instituted their debit charge before BofA. In my area, SunTrust put their charge into effect  in June. BofA did not start their charge until September 29th.

I guess that Senator who told the Nation from the Senate floor to get out of BofA must not have been well informed about the others who beat BofA to the wallet of the folks back home. The Smartfella thinks he should have started poking holes in the air when the first bank instituted the first debit charge.

The real evil here is not the Debit Card Use Charge. The real evil is that, while the Big News Media and Congress were concentrating on BofA, Big Media was not keeping us uninformed about real news that we so desperately need. Things along the lines of...

• Paris Hilton getting out of jail.
• Lindsay Lohan going to jail.
• Certainly Big Oil or Big Noodle or Big Box must have done something evil that we deserve to be informed about.
• Kim Kardashian getting married and divorce.

Hard to believe but Kim is overshadowing the other two Celebs mentioned above…

• A 4 hour TV Special about her marriage was watched by 4,000,000 viewers.
• The wedding cost $10,000,000.
• The marriage lasted 72 days before she announced her plans to divorce What’s His Name (that’s $1,388,889 per day on the Smartfella’s Money Well Spent Index).

Sure hope as much TV time is devoted to her upcoming divorce. Her fans deserve it.

Would I kid u?

I Am Starting My Own Dictionary

Starting my own dictionary! Wow! This is exciting!

If Mr. Webster and the Merriam’s can publish a dictionary, why can’t The Smartfella? do one of his own?

First entry in The Smartfella Dictionary:

Minutia … What the American News Media talks about instead of Hard Issues during a Presidential Election Cycle.

Would I kid u?

Without A Doubt I Can Predict The Stock Market

Most of you think that the Stock Market is impossible to figure out but have you been paying attention lately? In the recent past and  in the near term future the Stock Market is completely predictable.

Does this look familiar?

• The European Economic Community announces that it has come to an agreement to loan Greece a lot of money and the Stock Market shoots up like a rocket.
• The European Economic Community announces that there may be a problem with the loan package for Greece and the Stock Market falls like a rock.
• The European Economic Community announces that the agreement to loan Greece a lot of money may be back on track  and the Stock Market shoots up like a rocket.
• The European Economic Community announces that the loan package for Greece is looking shaky and the Stock Market falls like a rock.
• The European Economic Community announces that the agreement to loan Greece a lot of money is getting renewed support from Germany and the Stock Market shoots up like a rocket.
• From Bulgaria comes an unconfirmed rumor picked up by a sausage street vendor who is hard of hearing during a street festival attended by thirteen people that the loan package for Greece may be in trouble and the Stock Market falls like a rock.

I could go on and on but I think you get my drift.

The only thing that could break this Cycle of Certainty is if I put a whole bunch of money in the market. Then we all would be in real trouble.

Would I kid u?

Sometimes I Am So Observant I Scare Myself

Yesterday I published a blog about my Country Commissioners taking a year to come up with an Ethics Policy.

The question I asked my County Leaders was simply, “What Took You Guys So Long?

Today’s question could be, "What Took You Guys So Longer?

This morning’s headline in my newspaper is, “Board delays vote on new ethics law”.

I could make a snide remark about the fact that at yesterday’s commission meeting two commissioners wore Witches Hats as they sat their seats. My newspaper said they wore the hats “in honor of the upcoming Halloween holiday”. Here I go again. In “honor of”? …  I guess I don’t understand that word either.

The reason given for the new delay is they are worried about “unintended consequences”. I could very easily write a new blog about this new delay but I won’t … Or will I? … Or did I?

Would I kid u?

 

In The County Where I Live Our Commissioners Are In The Process Of Inventing Ethics. It Has Not Been An Easy Task.

In my local newspaper I was just read where our County Commissioners are about to take under consideration A New Ethics Policy.

They are to be commended … Or are they?

Here is the rub. They have been involved in coming up with this Ethics Policy for a year.

My question for them is, What Took You Guys So Long? Ethics is obvious … Or it used to be.

The newspaper article reported…

The resolution proposed to change the ordinance said the intent is “to strengthen the public’s integrity of county government”.

I don’t want to be picky but I don’t think the above is even good English! Have they been working for a year to improve the public’s ethics?

I feel a rush of Foolishness overtaking me. What if this bunch of Ethics Seekers were assigned the task of putting together step by step instructions directing their constituents about How to Properly Put On A V-Neck Tee Shirt? Would the final product look something like this?…

• Hold the yet-to-be-put-on tee shirt upside down with the V facing towards your unshirted body.
• Insert arms and pull shirt over your head and down your body.
• After you are shirted, make sure that the V is on the same side of your body as is your navel with the V pointing downward towards your navel.

One final thought and possible justification for their year long ethics deliberation. One of our commissioners has been accused of taking a $1,000,000 bribe. Maybe they were trying to determine how close they could get to $1,000,000 and still be considered “ethical”.

Would I kid u?

---------------------------------

Update October 26th…

Yesterday I was complaining about the Ethics Board taking so long to invent Ethics. Today this Herculean Effort got even longer. The headline in today's newspaper reads as follows, "Board delays vote on new ethics law”.

Would I kid u?

---------------------------------

Update November 16th…

I am so relieved! They have done the deed! We now know right from wrong … Or do we?

Here is a  quote from today’s newspaper, "changes adopted during the last month were mostly clarifications and housekeeping, though a few tweaks were included”. 

I’m sure glad they threw a few “tweaks” in there. Tweaks are famous for getting to the heart of the matter. Tweaks are hard hitting for sure. Tweaks are a part of the fabric of America.

Best of all, Tweaks are written by Twits. If you can’t trust a Twit, who can you trust?

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

This May Be Our Most Entertaining TV Show … Provided You Are Resigned To The Sad Belief That Americans Are Not Too Smart

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on FaceBook or Twitter.

PLEASE don’t think I watch Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader on a regular basis. It’s just that sometimes I am in the gym (trying to keep my heart from attacking me) and I am faced with several unpalatable choices like…

• The View
• The Talk
• The Chew
• Those Wonder Bra Infomercials that go on forever 

Some of these Average Americans on Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader (who I fear are really Average Americans) are really stupid.

Here is the first example…

1. Question: “In what state was the Transcontinental Railroad completed in 1869?”
2. The contestant (who we had already been told had a 3.87 Grade Point Average in college) answered, “New York State”!
3. If you think this is the right answer, please do not add a comment to this blog posting and tell me you think it is the right answer.
4. It would burst my bubble to know that my Foolishness…Or Is It? readers are that ignorant.
5. The answer is Utah.
6. Utah is nowhere close to New York.
7. Please do not question my geographical association of New York and Utah because it would burst my bubble to know that my Foolishness…Or Is It? readers are that ignorant.

Here is another example…

1. True or False: “Europe shares a land border with Asia”.
2. The contestant said, “Wait a minute! What did you say was the grade level of this question?”
3. The host reminded him it was, Second Grade Geography.
4. After thinking about the question, the contestant then became more confident of his answer and locked in … False.
5. The host informed the contestant that his answer was wrong and the unbelieving contestant asked to see a map on the show’s big screen to prove that the answer was True.
6. When he was shown the map he looked like he still did not believe he was wrong.

Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader is not the only show that make me feel embarrassed for my fellow Americans. Allow me to wrap up this Foolishness with a Jeopardy episode…

1. There was a contestant on who we were told was a former successful Attorney and she was now a successful Talk Show Host (which proved she was smart because all Talk Show Hosts are smart … Or are they?).
2. The question was, “Who betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver?”
3. She immediately hit the button and confidently answered, “Saint Peter!”

There you go again. You are thinking I made up all of the above. These three episodes are the absolute truth and to prove it this time I will not add an “Or is it?”.

Would I kid u?

Winston Churchill: “There is nothing so exhilarating in all the world as being shot at with no result”.

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

Do you have a lot of time to spend reading about a single subject on the internet?

If so, get ready to read. Use your search box to search on, “Rockets Israel”… or Click Here: http://search.yahoo.com/search?ei=utf-8&fr=slv8-dyc&p=Rockets%20Israel&type=

I readily admit I did not read that many of these links. I read enough of them to know that Israel is being pounded with rockets for at least 10 years now.

If Mexico had been doing this to the U.S. for this length of time, some of us would be starting to get real upset.

The foolish part of this Foolishness…Or Is It? is I periodically read (as I did recently) where people in the U.N. are saying, “Israel has a right to defend itself but they should not use excessive force”.

I have many contacts in the U.N. whose opinion I highly value. I contacted some of them and they explained it to me sufficiently enough that I finally understand…

Israel is allowed to shoot back. What they are not allowed to do when they shoot back is to hit anything with their shots. If they do hit anything, this is Excessive Force.

Now do you understand?

Would I kid u?

Based On The Recent Past, This Is Absolute Certain Prediction Of Things To Come

President Sure B. Goodlooking was just sworn into office as President of the United States on January 22, 2041

Because the people running our Caucuses (whatever that is) and our Straw Polls (whatever that is) and our Primaries (I know what this is...Or do I?) have been scrambling to be first every four years since the 2012 Election Cycle, the following has happened in the Good Ole USofA...

• The day after President Goodlooking was sworn into office Iowans enthusiastically cast their vote to select the persons they want as the 2044 Democratic and Republican nominees.
• The very next day the people of New Hampshire turn out in record numbers to vote for the persons they wish to recommend to all Americans as their choices for the next President of The United States.
• The following Sunday on all the Sunday Talk Shows the hottest topic of discussion is about the very real possibility that Florida is planning to move their primary voting to November 7, 2044 the day before the 2044 Presidential Elections.
• Rush Limbaugh the host of the highest rated radio talk show said this morning from his nursing home microphone-equipped La Z Boy, “This is starting to get real confusing”.

Would I kid u?

If Only Members Of Congress Were As Upfront With Us As Racecar Drivers

Racecar Drivers plainly tell us who their sponsors are (who gives them money).

Just as Racecar Drivers do, Members of Congress ought to be required to wear “sponsor” patches on their $1,200 suits.

The only problem I see with this very logical plan is we would have to require that all Members of Congress be 7’ 5” tall. If they were shorter than this height, they would not be able to find enough space to give credit where credit is due.

One final thought. If we had to limit Members of Congress to people 7’ 5” tall, we might not find enough tall people to fill up the Halls of Congress. That would be terrible! … Or would it?

Would I kid u?

Is Indefinitely The Same As Never?

I will not use space in this Foolishness...Or Is It? to accuse or defend former governor Bla Go Je Vich of Illinois. Instead I will go after our silly Judicial System...Again.

This country has spent years and lots of money...

• Trying Bla Go Je Vich.
• Trying Bla Go Je Vich again.
• Watching many reports about whether his hair was his hair.
• Following him around as he jogged.
• Watching him signing autographs outside of courtrooms.

After seeing him convicted on 17 of 20 different corruption charges and being told that he could face up to 300 years in jail, we said to our collective selves, “Selves, It’s a slam dunk! It is over! He got what he deserves! Our Judicial System works after all!”

Or does it?

On September 29, 2011 I read the following, “Rod Blagojevich, the Illinois governor charged with several corruption convictions, has had his sentencing delayed indefinitely by a federal judge.”

Is Indefinitely the Same as Never?

Would I kid u?

The Number One Thing Americans Fear

Multiple Choice Question:

What is the thing that our society fears the most?

Possible Answers:

Terrorists or Violent Crime or The Boogie Man or Congress or Lawyers

I know for certain that most of you answered Congress. While I agree with you that that bunch is quite troubling to all of us, I think that the correct answer just might be Lawyers.

In truth our society is more and more being structured to defend itself against them.

To make my point, here are the details an incident that happened near where I live…

• A child’s backpack (with child attached) got caught in the closed doors of a school bus as said caught child (and backpack) were exiting the bus.
• The bus moved for 41 feet before the bus driver stopped the bus.
• The child and backpack were not injured.
• This incident happened on Friday afternoon and uncaught child was back in school on Monday morning.
• The School System’s Director of Transportation met with the student’s guardian before school on Monday and presented the child with a new Book Bag.

I would not have been surprised if Jack Nicholson had been there on Monday to tell the child that she was being given a Book Bag and not a Backpack because, “You can’t handle a Backpack!”.

All is well that ends well. No one was hurt. No one was fired. On one missed school. No Problem!

There was one problem. The School System was absolutely scared to death that there were going to be Law Suits, Lawyers all over the place and Claims of Loss of Sleep, Mental Anguish and Extreme Trauma.

The School System felt obligated to take the follow precautions to get ready for The Lawyers, in case they appeared…

• Emergency Responders were called out in force to the scene of the non-injury causing incident.
• Counselors contacted the parents of every of remaining student on the bus at the time of the non-injury causing incident.

I wonder what the Counselors told the parents of the remaining bus rider’s parents? … “It is my duty to inform you that your dear child was not involved in a non-injury causing incident that did involve another dear little child. If your child had been injured, he or she would have been injured but since he or she was not injured he or she received no injury. We are thankful that the involved child herself was also not injured but, if she had been injured, she would have been”.

I also wonder how many man hours were devoted to determining whether the bus had moved 40 or 41 or 42 feet?

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

They Know What They Are Talking About ... Or Do They?

The above subject refers to “they”. “They” sure give me a lot to blog about.

This time “they” are medical people.  Medical people are definitely smarter than I am. So I must be wrong...Or am I?

At the present time hospitals and doctors use a system of about 18,000 codes to describe medical services in bills they send to insurers. 18,000 is enough of anything...Or is it?

The Federal Government now thinks that 18,000 codes do not get the job done. Under a new federally mandated Medical-Billing Coding List which stipulates that more detailed coding is a must, the number of codes is about to increase to 140,000.

Still not convinced? Still thinking to yourself that this is about medical stuff and, when it comes to medical stuff, you have to be specific. The Smartfella? is here to tell you, Think Again.

Here are a few of the kinds of specificity you get when you decide that 140,000 is just about the right number:

• Patient was injured in a chicken coop.
• Patient was injured in an opera house.
• Patient was injured in an art gallery.
• Patient was injured on a squash court.
• Patient was injured in nine different locations in and around mobile homes.
• Patient had a bizarre personal appearance.
• Patient walked into a lamppost, initial encounter.
• Patient walked into a lamppost, subsequent encounter.
• Patient was injured while sewing.
• Patient was injured while ironing.
• Patient was injured while playing a brass instrument.
• Patient was injured while crocheting.
• Patient was injured while doing handicrafts.
• Patient was injured while knitting.
• Patient was injured by a water-ski that was on fire.
• Nine codes each for injurious encounters with a duck, a macaw, a parrot, a goose, turkey or a chicken.
• Patient was injured by being bitten by a turtle.
• Patient was injured by being struck by a turtle.
• There used to be a single code for suturing an artery but now there will be 195 codes for suturing arteries.
• There used to be a single code for a badly healed fracture but now there will be 2,595 codes for badly healed fractures.
• Patient was injured as a result of an encounter with an alien.

In the above rundown I poked fun at 2,870 of the 140,000 codes. Due to my reputation for foolishness some of you are saying to yourselves, “Selves, he did it again. He zeroed in on the only 2,870 that could be construed as foolish. The remaining 137,130 are truly serious and important codes that will be of great benefit to the medical and insurance communities here in the Good Ole USofA.”

Everyone is entitled to his own stupid opinion. If that is what you believe then that is what you believe...Or do you?

Would I kid u?

We All Deserve The Fast Lane

We have all become accustomed to High Occupancy Vehicle (HOV) Lanes. In our area we have now moved to High Occupancy Toll (HOT) Lanes.

This is progress! ... Or is it?

Here is how HOT Lanes work...

• 73,000 transponders have been issued to drivers interested in using the fast HOT Lanes.
• Vehicles that have three occupants can drive in the HOT Lanes without charge.
• Vehicles that have fewer than three can use the HOT Lanes but they will have to pay a toll.
• Depending on how heavy the traffic is at the time that the lane is being used, the toll can range anywhere from ten to ninety cents a mile.

Officials have been quoted as saying, “This provides a transportation advantage to people in that corridor who are willing to pay for that advantage”.

As you would expect controversy surrounds this progressive step. There are a lot of lawyers who are chomping at the bit to file law suits. The basis for their anger, as is so often the case in the Good Ole USofA, is Fairness.

I again posed as a fly on the wall in the palatial law offices of one of the law firms heading up this fight back against unfairness and here is what I uncovered...

The law suits will contend that it is unfair that these fast lanes will be limited to the rich and that working folk should be allowed to get to Wal-Mart just as fast as moneyed people.

In my opinion, everyone ought to be required to use only the fast lanes. It ought to be against the law to drive in any of those other six lanes.

Why should only the rich get to go fast?

Would I kid u?

I Remember Gary Cuozzo

In 1967 the New Orleans Saints joined the National Football League. Gary Cuozzo was their first Quarterback. One of the other QBs was Billy Kilmer.

Cuozzo was wonderful until his glaring weakness came to light. His glaring weakness was his football team was terrible. That did not stop the fans from deciphering that Kilmer was the solution to all the ills of the Saints.

After awhile Kilmer was given his chance and our coach (who had no fear because his name was Tom Fears) replaced Cuozzo with Kilmer.

That did not fix the problems of the Saints because the Saints were still terrible but that did not deter the fans from chanting, “We want Cuozzo! We want Cuozzo!”

What’s my point? Don’t you see it? Gary Cuozzo is still out there but during this election cycle his name was Rick Perry, now it is Chris Christie and during the last election cycle his name was Fred Thompson.

In 2008 there was a genuine huge groundswell for Fred Thompson until he declared himself to be a candidate and then he was gone almost overnight.

I remember him appearing at his coming out party (actually it was a State Fair in someplace like Nebraska). He got out of his vehicle and started walking around shaking hands with the folks.

It took about three minutes for a Talking Head to comment that he had on $300 Loafers. She explained her keen observation by pointing out that he was obviously out of touch with the Working Shoes Wearing Nebraskans because he was wearing $300 Loafers.

He was toast. He was done. He was gone so fast that the folks were left wondering if he had ever announced for the presidency at all.

When I heard that Talking Head make her “Brilliant” $300 Loafers Comment, I actually thought I heard someone in the distance chanting, “We want Cuozzo! We want Cuozzo!”

Would I kid u?

Jobs … Jobs … Jobs

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

In my subject line above I only pecked out the word “Jobs” three times. James Hoffa (the one we can find) is a lot more articulate that I am. In that speech he gave on September 5th, he said “Jobs” seven times in a row.

I agree we need jobs. Creating jobs is what all our politicians are making speeches about during this current never-ending presidential campaign. My question is can they really “create” jobs?

Sister Mary Rita taught me that only God can create something out of nothing.

I realize that some politicians act godlike but I must side with the politicians on this one. When I was in my little uniform, I would never have dared to quibble with Sister Mary Rita about any of her definitions but I am full grown now and am not near as afraid of her as I used to be. As our rulers are currently using it, there is a distinction in this use of the word “create” for this simple reason…

Our political leaders are not creating something out of nothing. They are creating something out of a gigantic mess.

I would become truly concerned if my leaders started saying these kinds of things in order to create more jobs...

• We need more wildfires (workers would be needed to put out the fires).
• We need a lot of rioting (workers needed to put out fires and chase the rioters and looters around trying to arrest a few of them).
• We need a lot more hurricanes (workers needed to set up emergency shelters and serve food).

If our rulers started advocating any of the above, Sister Mary Rita and I are going to have to make a trip to Washington, D.C. and have a talk with those guys.

Notice I did not say the catastrophes above would have created more jobs for reporters. We already have an unlimited supply of people with their unique “skills”.

Would I kid u?

The Root Cause Of England’s Problems

I read in my local newspaper the following…

Prison authorities said they faced an "unprecedented situation" and were working on emergency plans to boost capacity "should further pressure be placed on the prison estate”.

Do you now see what the problem is over there in England? Those awful people went out and looted, broke things, beat up and mugged people and Scotland Yard put them up in estates.

I hear some of those Country Estates over there can be pretty nice.

Would I kid u?

That Was Then … This Is Now

Now that The Ten Commandments have been officially changed to The Ten Interesting Suggestions is it okay to hang these Suggestions in our courthouses?

Would I kid u?

Coming To The Defense Of Our Congress

I just read a columnist’s opinion piece in which he took the position that our Congress cannot do two things at the same time.

It must really be hard to be a conscientious member of The Congress of the United States of America and be really trying to do your best while constantly being under attack by an ungrateful public…

• I honestly believe that this commentator is being too harsh on our hard working Congress.
• Our Congress has on more than one occasion demonstrated its ability to multitask.
• The most recent example is their valiant attempts to reduce its own Wasteful Spending while, at the same time, voting to throw away lots more of our tax payer funds on New Forms of Wasteful Spending.

Did you really think I was going to come to their defense?

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

His Plan Once Was Going To Be My Plan. It Was A Great Plan But Now It Is A Terrible Plan.

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

In past years I was a Fly on the Wall specializing in walls that belonged to Politicians Running for Office.
It was a lot of fun and immensely informative. If you are ever given the opportunity to be Political Fly, I recommend you jump at the chance (be sure to keep one of your many fly eyes looking out for swatters).
My years as a fly taught me that Political Runners always take different positions from other Political Runners. They feel that they must do this. They have to set themselves apart.
Many times they end up with positions on issues that are hard to defend but, in their small minds, it is better to be different than to be understood.
If they get into trouble, they know they can always change the subject or answer a different question.
All of the above has been a set up to this Foolishness…Or Is It? below is the meat of this posting … Are you excited?
Here is how it works…

• A Political Runner has an Opposing Runner who was an extremely successful businessman, has been a Senator for two and a half terms, is so popular that every member of the congress attends his birthday party every year and fights for the honor of taking to the podium to praise his talents and proclaim their admiration for him, is a war hero and is the loving father of 7 children all of whom are doctors and lawyers who do not take salaries but have devoted their lives to treating and representing the poor and downtrodden.
• The Political Runner’s campaign ads refer to the Opposing Runner as “The Dummy”.
• The Opposing Runner has just announced a Bullet-Proof Plan That Will Fix All Of The Ills Of The Good Ole USofA In Six Weeks.
• The Political Runner is really upset because … word for word … this is the exact same plan that the Political Runner was about to announce as his own plan.
• The Political Runner quickly comes up with a different plan.
• Throughout their Campaign War Room the Political Runner’s Staff are saying, “Our guy’s new plan will not work nearly as well as The Dummy’s plan and will probably send the country spiraling into another Great Depression but that’s the way it has to be because we have to separate ourselves”.
• The Political Runner fully agrees with his staff’s prediction about the next Great Depression but he says to himself, “I have no choice. I have to be different”.
• The Political Runner and his campaign staff then spend the next three hours before Happy Hour starts coming up with Half Truths, Nit Picks, Outright Lies and Obfuscations about The Dummy’s Bullet-Proof Plan That Will Fix All Of The Ills Of The Good Ole USofA In Six Weeks.

Am I being too cynical?
Would I kid u?
NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

Lying Is Bad … Or Is It?

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

Roger Clements is in deep trouble for Lying To Congress.

I’m confused again…

Why do we get so upset about someone who has Lied To Congress but Lying While In Congress is considered to be nothing more than a Pre-Happy Hour Activity?

Would I kid u?

What’s Wrong With Us? … (I may have used this Foolishness Title before but I’ve got to use again it because IT IS A PERFECT FIT!)

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

Maybe I could have called this posting … What’s Wrong With Us Part 2? Actually, the way the world around us is coming apart there will very likely be Parts 3 & 4 & 5 & ?.

Is anyone out there reading Ernest Hemingway or Plato or any kind of History Book?

I am agitated this time about  Twitter or Tweeting and/or those who proudly proclaim, “I am a twit and proud of it”.

What really caught my attention was the sheer volume of people (called “followers”) who spend their time reading about what celebrities pump out via their Twitter Sites.

I have found a web site that quantifies how many Followers are out there reading their celebrities’ last Tweet and/or anxiously waiting for the next Tweet. What this all means is I wasted my time finding out about all the people who are wasting their time.

Here are the Top Two Twitter Sites and how many Followers each has:

• Lady Gaga has 13,178,568.
• Justin Bieber has 12,347,684.

(Conservative Voters Take Note: As of August 1, 2011 Michele Bachmann and Mitt Romney have yet to go over 100,000.)

Can these Followers really believe that their Celebrities are sitting at their computers or stabbing at their smart phones to send to them their inner most thoughts, feelings and concerns?

To my way of thinking, the Celebs don’t even hire humans to tweet to their adoring public for them. They probably have computer programs that generate a myriad of feel good nonsense.

Things like the following are making Twit’s Hearts all over the Good Ole USofA skip a beat…

• I just had a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Boy was that good!
• Today I went to the beach in my new bikini. OMG! I really caused a ruckus!
• I went shopping today on Rodeo Drive. I bought a $7,000 necklace. I can’t wait to go out tonight and knock ‘em dead at Chez Louie Restaurant!
• I just had a Jelly and Peanut Butter Sandwich. Boy was that good!

Shaquille O’Neal has 4,274,939 Followers. When he decided to retire he did it through his Twitter Account. He actually told his fans that he wanted them to be “first to know” of his decision.

First to Know?

I wonder if each of the 4,274,939 felt that Shaquille thought they were so special that  he had sent them a personal Tweet straight from his big heart and that he personally pecked out his Tweet with his own big fingers.

Can’t you just hear each of the Twits saying to himself, “He did not tell anyone but me”.

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.