Transparency Is A Good Thing...Or Is It?

The GOP better hope President Obama was not very good at taking classroom notes in school. If he was a poor note taker, they may have a chance.

Can’t your mind’s eye just picture President Obama writing feverously  into his spiral bound note book wherever he goes? (On Air Force 1, in Hawaii, in the Oval Office, on Martha’s Vineyard or on the bench next to his basketball court.)

Republican Candidates keep attacking using old arguments and new arguments. It has been reported that when they launch attacks using some especially juicy stuff President Obama starts salivating as he makes his notes. His assistants keep telling him it is not nice to drool but they understand from whence the drool emanates because some of this stuff he would never have come up with on his own.

Sources tell me that he is presently on the 8^th #2 pencil in the box of 12 that he bought the night before the first GOP debate. The Democratic National Committee feels confident, if he eventually uses the whole box, he will have so much devastating material on the GOP nominee that  it all over but the shouting (after the counting).

For those reading this wisdom that are die-hard Republicans/Conservatives you may not like what you have just read. If that is the case, go to the top of this posting you just read and don’t read what you have read.

As Joe Friday used to say, “All we know are the facts, ma'am.”

Or

As Howard Cosell used to say, “I’m just telling it like it is”.

Would I kid u?

That’s A Neat, Meaningful, Sensitive and Politically Correct Name. I’m Going To Give It My Support Because I Really Like That Name.

I’ve commented in the past about the names various organizations give to various things. Our Congress makes it a practice of giving misleading names to Bills, Committees and Anything Else About Which They Want To Deceive Us. We folks back home are happier when we are deceived.

An example was the Peacekeeper Missile (later deactivated). We feel better when we are led to believe that, when one of our gigantic missiles (this one had up to 10 warheads) blows things into little pieces, the result is Lasting Worldwide Peace.

Recently I was doing some reading about the French Revolution. Those guys were very good at Name Deception. They had a Committee that officially killed a whole bunch of people. Its name was...

Committee of Public Safety

“Because of the Jacobin rule of the Committee of Public Safety, tens of thousands of French were executed. Thousands were conscripted into the army, creating a force of 850,000 strong.”

Would I or they kid u?

Tim Tebow

For months now Tim Tebow, Quarterback of the Denver Broncos Football Team, has been given unmitigated hell for having too much religious fervor and for being a Christian.

After watching the whole Broncos vs. Steelers game last night (especially that last 80 yard touchdown pass play in overtime) I can say the following with absolutely no fear of it not being a true statement...

All the other NFL Quarterbacks better start praying to Jesus 

If you have no interest in football, please go to the top of this posting and do not bother to read what you just read.

Would I kid u?

Only Possible Way A Republican Can Be Elected Our Next President

Unless you were just rescued from a deserted desert island you know what has been happening in the GOP Presidential Candidate Selection Process.

What’s that you say? You say you have just returned from 13 months on a deserted desert island and you don’t know what has been happening in the GOP Presidential Candidate Selection Process? That’s great. I would love to tell you all about it! Welcome back!

• Nixon and Kennedy have been turning over in their graves with guilt for what they started.
• During 2011 we were exposed to 312 Televised Debates. OK, I may have exaggerated a bit...Or did I?
• The candidates have all been placed into that amusement park thingy where, when they pop up their heads, the Incredible Hulk smashes them down with this huge mallet.
• First it was Bachmann, then it was Perry, then it was Cain and then it was Gingrich.
• Don’t say Santorum because he popped his head up so late he has not been smashed down yet. That’s why he did so well in Iowa. He popped too late.

That’s the reality of GOP Presidential Politics this go around. The Front Runner is the target, the target is immediately attacked and the attacks are so vicious that Mother Theresa would be in 6^th place by now and itching to hit someone in the chops.

In the subject of this posting I promised to tell you the only way a Republican can be our next president. Once I lay it out for you, you are going to sit back and say, “Of course! That is it! That’s the only way! That Smartfella is really a Smart Fella!”

The only thing I don’t know is who it will be. It might be Chris Christie. It might be Sarah Palin. It might be Mitch Daniel. It might be Bobby Jindal. It might be the Smartfella. What I can assure you is whoever implements this plan will be the next president.

Are you shouting at your monitor telling me to get with it? OK, here it is...

• On November 3^rd the winner will announce he is running for President of the United States.
• He will immediately shoot up like a rocket to become the Front Runner.
• Before the Democrats, the News Media, the actual GOP nominee, other Republicans who think he is not conservative enough, other Republicans who think he is too liberal or the girl who has always wanted to get even with him for dipping her pig tail in that ink well in the 4^th grade have a chance to mount an attack he will have been elected President of the United States.

Before the Hulk can get into his windup, this sucker is going to have Secret Service Protection.

I told you it was a brilliant plan.

Would I kid u?

Were You As Productive Last Night As These Guys Were?

Homer spent last night engrossed in putting together the part of the Iliad where Achilles does away with archrival Hector.

Edison did not get any sleep because he was testing the 728^th of the more than 1,600 filaments he was to experiment with before he finally come up with the Carbon Filament which resulted in the First Incandescent Light Bulb.

Einstein spent his sleepless night beating his head against the wall of his study trying to come up with his theory. He was frustrated beyond belief and was found by his wife the next morning in a dazed state as he kept mumbling, “I am relatively close”.

All of this impressive activity happened in the middle of the night. My newspaper just told me about another “genius” who is also very active at night...

Our hero is a man, who proudly enjoys being called a “Sneakerhead”. He makes a habit of standing in line to buy pairs of Michael Jordan Shoes. His latest obsession is the Jordan Retro 11 Concord Sneaker.

His saga of sneaker seeking and possessing goes like this...

• Last week he spent 17 hours in line only to be denied his coveted purchase because other Sneakerheads in front of him bought out the store’s supply.
• He proudly proclaims that he already owns 15 pairs of Jordans but he feels the irresistible urge to own more.
• He considers the scuffles, vandalism and arrests that happen all around him after the doors are opened as part of life’s struggle to obtain neat stuff that he does not need.
• He was asked why he is willing to spend $180 for a pair of Jordan Retros when he currently lives from paycheck to paycheck. He replied with “perfect logic”, “If you buy food and you eat food when you are done eating food the food is gone. When you buy a pair of these shoes you can put them in your closet with your other shoes and look at them whenever you want”.

This Sneakerhead is the kind of high achiever that would have been looked upon by Virgil, Edison and Einstein with great admiration...Or would they have?

Would I kid u?

Fixing The Future From The Present

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on FaceBook or Twitter.

I recently read in my newspaper where Syrian Troops are reported to have killed more than 250 children since the spring of this year. This figure includes a 2 year old girl who was killed to prevent her from growing up to become an anti-government demonstrator.

The Syrians obviously can see into the future. This ability is one that would be coveted by other evil and/or stupid people. Three good examples might be...

• New York Yankees fans who disposed of a 2 year old boy in Wyoming because they could clearly see that the little fellow was destined to become the greatest home run hitter to ever play baseball and he was going to spend his entire career playing for the Boston Red Sox.
• The members of Congress who got together and took out a 2 year old in Mississippi. Their future gazing told them the boy was destined to spend 32 years as a member of Congress and was going to be completely incorruptible and honest. They feared he was going to make the folks back home expect other members of Congress to do likewise.
• Celebrities out in Hollywood arranged a double hit of a 2 year old girl in Kansas and a 5 year old boy in Vermont. These two were done away with because they were foreseen becoming big time movie stars who were going to marry and stay happily married for 56 years. Hollywood Celebrities certainly would not want people of their ilk hanging around.

If we could only see into the future, we could correct a lot of problems before they reared their ugly heads.

Would I kid u?

Illegal Immigrants Are Massing For An Attack

We are being invaded by Illegal Aliens. The problem is growing and public officials do not seem to be concerned. This Foolishness...Or Is It? is a plea for each of you to join me in trying to get our collective arms around this danger to our national security.

What’s that you just said about a Hispanic Invasion coming across our southern border? What are you talking about? I am not talking about an invasion of Illegal Hispanic Immigrants. What I fear is the dramatic influx of Romans.

Have you not been reading the newspapers? Have you not noticed that, in news article after news article, the Romans are everywhere? I guess you are not as observant as I am.

(As you read below you may find yourself thinking I made up these names. Again I swear on my little-read book that I have seen every one of these names in my daily newspaper.)

Maybe you have been distracted by the increase of New Spellings...

Cydney, Charlize, Jessekah, Ulisses, Ashleigh, Rebekah, Regena, Mychael, Kaarin, Justyn, Jackqueline, Aundre

or

Maybe you have been distracted by the Apostrophed Names...

Nu’Keese, Re’Nya, Va’Shaundya, Ja’Wuan, Yo’era, Tre’Sean, Dont’a, Da’Rick

or

Maybe you have been distracted by Hyphenated Names like...

Tai-ler

No it is not the above “interesting” names that are my concern. It is the Romans. These guys once conquered the entire known world that was worth knowing. When they get their numbers up to the level where overthrow is possible, we are going to be in deep trouble.

Now that I have made you aware of this impending disaster I trust you will start seeing what I have been seeing in my newspaper...

Dontavius, Johnquavious, Quantavious, Martavious, Kenarious, Kentavious, Rantavius, Shaundarius, Rantavious, Martellus, Martavius

Where did Tom, Dick and Harry go to?

I’d be willing to bet you wondering why I took the time to record all these names. To tell you the truth, I’m wondering about the very same thing.

Would I kid u?

Proof That You Are Smart

There are many ways that we can “prove” we are smart...

• Being a success in a long productive life.
• Earning a PhD.
• Winning a whole bunch of money on Jeopardy and having Alex say, “Golly gee, you are smart!”
• Speaking into a microphone.

What is that you say? You think that that last one above is too broad a brush stroke? Wow, you are really smart! Allow me to give you 3 examples about how right you were when you caught me trying to trick you with that microphone one.

Before I begin...

I do solemnly swear on my Little-Read Published Book that these three stupidities actually happened and I heard them happen with my own ears or read about them in national publications.

• A few days ago a nut in New York City sprayed gasoline on an elderly woman in an elevator and killed her by setting her on fire. The alleged killer of the alleged victim has been captured. An official of the NYC Police Department said that, although the alleged killer had no prior criminal record, that does not mean he is not dangerous. The Smartfella? thinks you would not have to go very far to convince the alleged victim that alleged killer was dangerous.
• Salacious is defined as, “1. lustful or lecherous. 2. obscene; grossly indecent.” I once actually heard a lady with a microphone who was commenting about the start of Lent say, “Lent is the time of year when Catholics abstain from salacious activities”. I am here to tell you that this is one of the best things about being a Catholic. We only have to abstain from lustful, lecherous, obscene and/or grossly indecent activities 40 days a year.
• I saw and heard this one in the aftermath of the Oklahoma City Bombing. The destroyed smoking building was in the background and the not-too-smart-lady-with-the-microphone was in the foreground. Among the destroyed things in the background was a beat up car with the windows blown out. The not-too-smart-lady-with-the-microphone said, “This is one of the vehicles suspected of being the vehicle that contained the bomb”. This idiot actually thought that the explosion that destroyed one complete side of that building only blew out the windows and messed up the upholstery of a compact car.

Do you now understand that the presence of a microphone does not make the Microphone Speaker smart?

Would I kid u?

Iran Is Opening Up Its Nuclear Program To The U.N.

My newspaper tells me that Iran has agreed to let inspectors from the United Nation’s International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) into their country for inspections of its Nuclear Activities. This is a wonderful thing...Or is it?

The Nuclear Stuff that the IAEA is concerned about is...

• All sorts of secret work on Nuclear Weapons.
• Conducting high explosive testing and detonator development for the express purpose of being able to set off Nuclear Charges.
• Computer modeling of cores for Nuclear Warheads.
• Preparations for an actual Nuclear Weapons test.
• Developing a Nuclear Payload for the Shahab 3 intermediate range missile which can reach Israel.

Iran has repeatedly vowed to “wipe Israel from the face of the Earth”. I would be concerned if those crazy Alabamians were repeatedly threatening to wipe Georgia off the face of the Earth.

There are some who say the IAEA ought not to bother because Iran was very restrictive about what inspectors were actually allowed to see during past inspections.

The Smartfella? thinks it would not be worth the air fare. There is not much to be gained by inspecting the Energy Drink Section of the Convenience Store on the corner of Mohammed Street and Mohammed Street in beautiful downtown Tehran.

Would I kid u?

Congress Is Sure Glad These Two Things Were Invented

Voted by our 9% Approval Rating Congress as Mankind’s Two Greatest Inventions:

The Can and The Road

Without being able to Kick the Can Down the Road Congress would have little to do.

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

He Is Not Dead Yet And I Can Hardly Wait

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

The subject of this posting is an incomplete sentence. The complete sentence is, “He is not dead yet and I can hardly wait to send my Tweet”.

Why am I subjecting you to this? That’s because this subject is in the news. This is the state of the world we live in. This is progress...Or is it?

This is what caused me to go off today’s deep end...

• An erroneous rumor circulated yesterday that a former Mexican President had died.
• The current Mexican President sent his condolences via Twitter.

That’s it. Leaders of countries now are conducting affairs of state via Twitter.

This all means that you better not buy any Hallmark Card stock.

When I was young my mother often sent me to the local drug store to buy a Hallmark Card (she always cared to send the very best) for some relative for some occasion. My instructions were to spend 10 cents for the card. If it was an elevated relative, I was told to spend 15 cents.

If now was then, my mother would have just sent a Tweet. If it were an elevated relative, she would have added a Smiley Face.

Speaking of Rumors...

• Aren’t most rumors erroneous?
• They may be erroneous but that fact does not keep our News Media from reporting them as fact.
• The one that really gets to me is, “The Stock Market fell sharply yesterday on rumors something bad happened in Greece. Those rumors later proved to be untrue”.

I would feel especially bad if I had said to my stock broker the day before, “I’m going to Tahiti overnight. Sell the entire vast fortune that I have accumulated after working hard all my life. Do not bother me tomorrow. Just do what I am telling you. I’m going to be lying on the beach feeling rich”.

Would I kid u?

You May Be A Criminal

This may be a first. The Smartfella? is here and now issuing an apology for this posting being as long as it is but this is serious stuff. Please read on. As usual, there will be humor but this is serious stuff.

Sometime in the past there existed a bedrock doctrine of Anglo-American jurisprudence called mens rea, or “guilty mind” or Criminal Intent. This by-the-wayside legal terminology held that a person shouldn’t be convicted if he has not shown intent to do something wrong.

This bedrock doctrine has been replaced by the oft-repeated bedrock doctrine made famous by Lamont Cranston (The Shadow) in his 1940s radio broadcasts, “Ignorance of the Law is No Excuse”.

At present there are 4,500 Federal Crimes (and growing). This is a tad more that the Founding Fathers wrote into the Constitution...Treason, Piracy and Counterfeiting.

Since the year 2,000 the number of people sentenced for violation of Federal Laws has reached 788,517 (and growing).

There are also 300,000 regulations (and growing) that go along with these 4,500 Federal Crimes (and growing).

Many people are being convicted because they broke laws they were not aware that they had broken.

My neswpaper just wrote an article about a Building Engineer who is now a Convicted Criminal. Here are the details about him and his “crime”...

• Many years ago, in order to escape the world of crime that he grew up in, he took a job making $1.80 an hour in the D.C. Education Department. In his life thus far he had seen the murder of his 3 brothers and the death of his father from a heart attack (upon hearing about his second son’s murder).
• He took facility classes at night to learn about power plants, boiler rooms and maintenance. He worked for 24 years and by the time he moved on to his present job in 1993 he was the Facility Engineer for the Board of Education.
• He raised his two youngest daughters alone, determined to show them how to lead a crime-free life.
• He committed his Federal Crime working as the Facility Engineer at a large Military Retirement Center.
• On occasion when one of his buildings flooded he diverted the backup into storm drains that he thought went into the waste treatment system.
• A Justice Department Court acknowledged that he did not know that his diversions actually went into a creek and the creek went into the Potomac River.
• Such diversions were a long standing practice at the facility that started long before our Building Engineer Hard Working Good Citizen became our Building Engineer Convicted Criminal.

From another article from my newspaper...

“The federal criminal code has grown so large it ensnares everyday citizens who have no idea they are violating the law, a bipartisan group of legal experts told a House panel”.

What’s the big deal about having a little bit of Criminal Conviction on your record...

• Applications for jobs, loans and occupational licenses – ranging from plumbers to auctioneers – ask about a person’s criminal record.
• Such convictions can affect international travel, joining the military and can be disqualifying for anyone seeking Federal Employment. (Actually this last one may be the only restriction we presently have on the growth of the federal workforce.)
• The stigma placed by society against one’s good name (some of us still care about such things).

Years ago I posted a blog about Congress passing too many laws and how I would be ready to support any incumbent for office who was useless (in a congressional sense). I quote from that blog...

I am coming around to the point of thinking where the incumbent who can verifiably proclaim in his campaign slogan, "I Did Not Do Anything Since You Sent Me to Congress", is the kind of Do-Nothing that will get my vote in the future.

Sometimes I surprise myself at how smart I am. 

I’m sure glad writing about Foolishness is not against Federal Law...Or is it?

You better hope that reading about Foolishness is not against Federal Law...Cuz it might be.

Would I kid u?

The Fix Is Always The Fix

I read in my newspaper where a highly respected economist just gave a speech where he said that the key to the future is to raise taxes. To be more exact he said that the only way to avoid disaster is to raise taxes.

In some people’s minds raising taxes is always The Fix. The only variable that the Fixers ever give us is when they change the particular tax that will fix everything. Sometimes it is the Property Tax. Sometimes it is the Income Tax. Sometimes it is our many Sin Taxes (no one cares about those people anyway). This highly respected economist told his audience that his Disaster Prevention Tax is a Sales Tax.

Why is raising taxes always The Fix? Looking back at history (some of us are incapable of looking back at history) will give us many examples of how raising taxes did not make it all better. One obvious example (nothing is “obvious” in politics) is our Education System.

Show me an elected official who voted against giving more money to schools and I will show you an elected official who is or will shortly be referred to as a Former Elected Official.

The amount of money we spend on education is going up at about the same pace as the water from Niagara Falls is going down. Despite the volume of money being spent the results are sad. Many times we find that those school districts which spent the most achieved the worst results.

Don’t jump on the Smartfella? and say he is against Education. That’s the same jump on that gave those public officials referred to above the label “former”. They dared to think. They dared to say something like, “That’s throwing good money after bad money”.

Getting back to always raising taxes being The Fix for everything, I continue to have the ability to foresee the obvious future. If we keep “fixing” everything by raising taxes to fix everything we are going to shortly be using the New IRS Short Form (which my sources tell me is already printed up and sitting on the shelves of the IRS Publications Warehouse)...

Line 1...How much did you make last year?

Line 2...Send it in.

The small print at the bottom of the New Short Form reads, “If you can’t find enough money to send it all in because you spent some of it, go to www.itusedtobeyours.com where you can borrow from China the amount you did not safeguard for your fellow Americans”.

Would I kid u?

College Graduates’ First Major Financial Decision

I read in my newspaper that college graduates today average more than $25,000 in Student Loan Debt when they receive their degrees.

This means right after graduating they are faced with the First Major Financial Decision...

They have to decide if they will make payments on their $25,000+ Student Loan?

Or

Will they make payments on their $25,000+ Credit Card Bill?

It is sure surprising how fast all those Spring Break Trips, Video Games, Beer and Pizzas add up.

Would I kid u?

Penalty Fits The Crime ... Or Does It?

According to the American Heritage Dictionary:

Felony Is Defined As...

One of several grave crimes, such as murder, rape, or burglary, punishable by a more stringent sentence than that given for a misdemeanor.

Child Abuse Is Defined As...

Child abuse is the blanket term for four types of child mistreatment physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect.

--------------------------------

All of the above sounds like and is serious stuff. People who go about Felonying (don’t write me, I know this is not a word) and Child Abusing ought to be dealt with by society sternly because they have done serious bad stuff. I ask you, does the case I am about to relate fall into the area of our law called “Serious Bad Stuff”?

According to my local newspaper...

Ø A father drank so much that he became a Drunken Dad.

Ø Drunken Dad had his 9-year-old daughter with him.

Ø To be on the safe side driving home, he let his 9-year-daughter do the driving.

Ø The police stopped the vehicle in which they were riding and saw the 9-year-old in the driver’s seat and Drunken Dad immediately was in a whole bunch of trouble.

He should have known better. The police saw the vehicle being driven erratically and decided to stop the vehicle... Right? ... Wrong!

Actually the vehicle was being driven in a very safe manner but Drunken Dad and his daughter had stopped for gas and Drunken Dad had bragged about his 9-year-old daughter driving his drunken butt home

The late Paul Harvey just came into my computer room and asked me to tell all of you The Rest of the Story...

The police stopped the safely being driven vehicle because the people in the gas station called the police and told them about the Drunken Dad and his 9-year-old safe-diving daughter.

OK I agree Drunken Daddy did something wrong. He probably ought to have some kind of charges brought against him. How about something like?...

Ø Charged with Being Stupid?

Ø Charged with Not Calling His 45-Year-Old Brother-In-Law to come drive them home?

Ø Charged with not buying his 9-year-old daughter a soda pop to drink while he slept his drunken self sober on in the corner of the bar?

What was he charged with? You have probably guessed by now. He was charged with Felony Child Abuse.

Go back and read the Italicized beginning of this posting. Do you think that this Penalty Fits This Crime?

Would I kid u?

Abandon All Hope

I try not to blog too often but this is so “today” that I could not wait.

Once the first juicy and salacious news article is written, it is all over. The subject of the juicy and salacious news article will twist and turn but he is a politically dead man from that moment onward.

I am talking about Herman Cain. He is the latest victim of a phenomenon called, News Media Attack Crescendo.

Although some of you will come away from this article saying I am defending Herman, I really am not. I am addressing the reality of what happens when juicy, especially salacious, stories are allowed to run their course.

I probably should not have bothered to say “allowed” above. In reality, such stories are not “allowed”. There is no way of stopping them once they get started.

Herman is politically dead. The reporting about his campaign is now not about anything other than the juicy and salacious stuff. (Anyone remember 9 9 9?) I will give you 4 bullet points below that will make every one of you fully agree with me (yea right )...

• Are you surprised that today there is a news article out about Herman and his current troubles?
• The article contains 1,046 words (Did you know that Microsoft Word displays a count of all the words in a Word File? I did not want you to think I sit around counting words. I’ve got better things to do...Or do I?).
• Only 51 words are about anything other than the juicy and salacious.
• That means 995 words were devoted to the juicy and salacious.

If you want to check me out go to... http://www.mydesert.com/article/20111130/NEWS11/111130004/Cain-presses-ahead-after-PS-affair-allegation .

Here are the non-juicy/salacious words...

“Cain received a standing ovation after he spoke about what a "Cain administration" would do.” (The article did not report on what a Cain Administration would do.)

And...

“stuck to his plan to present his foreign policy vision, one in which the U.S. would stand by friendly nations such as Israel, quit giving money to countries he considered enemies and spend more on defense.”

Can any campaign survive if 95.1% of what is written about it is juicy and salacious? You can stick a fork in Herman and test him to make certain but, in my opinion, he is done.

What’s he going to do now? He can probably go to a public park and play chess with the coach of the (#1 ranked) Duke University Lacrosse Team who was immediately fired when those reports of his players raping that stripper surfaced.

How many of us remember that the reports of the rape were juicy, salacious and untrue but he still lost his job?

Would I kid u?

You Got My Money!

Every day since Jonah Mail invented the daily delivery of Mail individuals and business have spent a portion of their day opening envelopes. Who would have ever expected that some insane person would decide one day to put Anthrax into envelopes so that the persons opening those envelopes would breathe in that bad stuff and get sick and/or die?

In 2001 we had an insane evil person (a loan government scientist who later committed suicide) do the evil deed described in the paragraph above. As a result of the actions of this one insane person, 4 people died and 17 others became sick. We all can agree that the bad guy did the bad thing...Or can we?

It seems that the widow of one of the dead and her intrepid lawyer did not agree. They filed a lawsuit against our government (that’s us) in 2003. They have just been rewarded for their efforts by our government (that’s us) agreeing to pay out $2,500,000 of our money.

Why did they not sue the manufacturer of the envelope or the manufacturer of vehicle that carried the mail to her husband’s office or the Post Office or the manufacturer of the letter opener? They sued our government (that’s us) and not all those others because our government (that’s us) has an unlimited supply of money that can be borrowed from China (that’s not us).

We have all seen a myriad of You Have Got To Be Kidding lawsuits. When they were filed we laughed. Once they were settled, we said to our collective selves, “How did they get that much money for that silly law suit?”

I am here to tell you about one that you will probably read about any day now...

• A bad guy points a gun at a good guy and pulls the trigger.
• Another good guy jumps in front of the intended victim and takes the bullet instead.
• The another good guy recovers and sues the bad guy and is awarded $12,000,000.
• The intended victim good guy then sues the another good guy contending that the another good guy took the bullet that was intended for him and, therefore, took his $12,000,000.

This is silly...Or is it?

This is foolishness...Or is it?

This will never happen...Or will it?

Would I kid u?

Did You Really Think I Would Overlook Black Friday?

I know what you have been thinking. You have been wondering how it is that I have not commented on Black Friday. This annual madness is certainly one of the most Foolish things we engage in every year. Well wonder no more. Here it comes.

They are responsible. They did this to us. They got together with them (the same bunch that puts potholes in our collective streets) and decided to do this to us.

They knew that the key to success was to use the word “bargain”. The folks back home cannot resist a bargain. Once we knew there were bargains to be had, we were toast.

Let’s call him Homer. I read in my newspaper about Homer and his bargain gathering during last week’s Black Friday Rampage. He is a Bargain Hunting Machine ... Or is he?

Homer has bargain hunting down to a science...

• He prints out maps of the interior layout of the stores so he will not waste any seconds turning down the wrong aisles as he gathers up his bargains.
• He has assistant bargain hunters standing in line for him at various bargain stores.
• Other assistants push extra bargain collection carts behind him to hold his bargains as he swishes through the various aisles of his various stores.
• He uses his bargain hunting assistants to stand in line to pay for his bargains so he can dart off to other stores where his Standing-In-Line Assistants have been standing in line for him.
• he article reports that among his most coveted bargains this year were a Trampoline, a Giant Bean Bag Chair and a Toy Peddle Car.

The guy is a bargain hunting genius ... Or is he?

This mental midget was interviewed about his bargain gathering. In the interview he said he did not know the original prices of most of the things he bought. He figured he was saving 20% to 40%.

They have won. We have lost. The Homers out there don’t even check to find out what the original cost of what they harvest on Black Friday is. They have convinced us that everything is a bargain on Black Friday.

I always feel obligated to predict the future for my dear readers. Here is what I see coming...

Homer will one day walk out of a store on Black Friday clutching a $2,000 Etch a Sketch and saying to himself, “Self, it certainly must be a real bargain because I bought it on Black Friday”.

Would I kid u?

Explaining The Unexplainable ... Again

According to Yahoo Health... “Dehydration means your body does not have as much water and fluids as it should. Dehydration can be caused by losing too much fluid, not drinking enough water or fluids, or both.” Link below... http://health.yahoo.net/channel/dehydration.html

According to the European Food Standards Authority, this understanding of dehydration is in question...

“In a declaration being met with widespread criticism, the European Food Standards Authority has ruled bottled water distributors can’t advertise that their products prevent dehydration.” Link below...

http://www.baynews9.com/article/news/2011/november/346823/European-commission-claims-bottled-water-doesnt-prevent-dehydration.html

The Smartfella? always likes to explain things to his loyal readers. I am ready to help each of you understand this somewhat confusing situation. It is really simple. What European Food Standards Authority is telling us is simply...

Drinking Water Is Not a Remedy for a Lack of Water

Now do you understand?

Glad I could help.

Would I kid u?

Our News Media Is Right Again!

Ever since the Super Committee was created in August our intrepid news media has been referring to them by the title, So Called Super Committee.

This caused me no end of confusion. I kept saying to myself, “Self, is the super committee super or is it not super? If our 9% Approval Rating Congress designated them as super, then they must be super. How can our media just take it upon their collective selves to impugn their validity like this? What gives them the right to add on, ‘So Called’?”

Now we know that the So Called Super Committee is no more. They have thrown in the towel. They have given up the ghost. They have folded their tent. They have cried “uncle” (whatever that means).

I will never question our news media again. They were right on the money with their use of, “So Called”.

The Smartfella’s? mind sees things that ordinary fellas do not see. What I see is the fact that the worst part of this whole thing is the damage that has been done to anything super...

• Can the children of America ever look with amazed admiration at Superman again?
• All our fast food restaurants are going to have to get a replacement for, “Super Size Me”.
• The Duper family of Squirrel Tail, Illinois is going to find their children being ridiculed and picked upon by bullies at school by being called “Super Duper”.

Our Super Committee has proven that it is a Super Failure and I see no need to add “So Called” to that well earned designation.

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.