Stupid Is As Stupid Does

This posting could have another title…

Safety Barriers Getting in the Way of Unsafe Driving

On a local road not far from my house, within two mile of each other, there are two sets of Safety Barriers used to control traffic. They are intended to keep the drivers of cars from running into each other.

The first picture below will show you what the barriers are supposed to look like…

There are five thingies inserted into the left turn lane. They are there to keep our Atlanta Knievels from getting into the center left turn lane and charging ahead at a high rate of speed in order to make it through the light before it changes.

The Safe Driver waits until he gets closer to the light itself before sliding into the left turn lane.

The danger is that the Safe Driver ends up being hit from the rear by the speeding Unsafe Driver.

The next two pictures show the second set of Safety Barriers which have been repeatedly hit and just about completely destroyed by many of my fellow drivers…

 

I guess I don’t need to peck out a lot more words to get you to understand that there are crazy drivers all about me. I know you will take solace that they are around me and not around you.

The late Paul Harvey just walked into my computer room, looked over my shoulder, saw what I was pecking out and told me to tell you The Rest of the Story…

The type of drivers that have destroyed this second Safety Barrier are not just crazy and unsafe. They are crazy, unsafe and stupid. On more than one occasion (including last Saturday) I have seen these people swerve to the left into oncoming traffic and make it back into their coveted left turn lane just ahead of a head-on collision with oncoming wide-eyed drivers.

Do you see why I added “stupid” to their descriptive adjectives?

Some of you are probably asking yourselves why the first Safety Barrier is still intact. Could it be that there are better drivers only two miles away?

I feel certain that that is not the answer. I think it is probably much more likely that the Department of Public Safety has just finished replacing that Safety Barrier after it had been destroyed and was looking a lot like the second Safety Barrier above.

I’ll make it a point to drive back that way in about two weeks to see if my speculation is correct.

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me…BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my blogs.

Tin Cans … Can You Handle The Truth?

If where you live is like where I live, you have Traffic Reports on the radio every day. I know that those poor souls that still have to work for a living probably depend on these shouted bulletins to help them survive their commutes because the traffic is awful!
Actually I really have no sympathy for those of you still working because it is your own fault that you are still working. If you had been born sooner you could be retired like me.
Back to the awfulness of the traffic reporting. Here is how it sounds to me…

• The darn things come at my ears every 6 minutes. This is not another of my foolish made up facts. The radio stations are actually proud of this 6 minute thing. They announce every 6 minutes that the reports come every 6 minutes. Commercials take up about 3.5 minutes of these 6 minutes. This only leaves 2.5 minutes for the Talk Show Host to make us worry and/or get disgusted at whatever he has uncovered that  he thinks we ought to get worried and/or disgusted about.
• The traffic reports are very loud. I guess they are trying to wake up the bleary-eyed commuter. It’s sort of a hysterical public service announcement.
• The traffic reporter talks unbelievably fast. It is really hard to understand what he is saying. In my opinion they take what would be a 4 minute bunch of words and spew them out at us in about 30 seconds.
• Usually I try and ignore them (remember I am not a commuter). The times I have tried to listen to them I have gotten very confused. Since they are working commercials into the traffic reporting, I find myself saying to myself, “I don’t even know where Neutrogena Anti-Wrinkle Street is”.
• The biggest deception perpetrated by the Eye in the Sky People is that they are not in the sky. They try and make it sound like they are up in a helicopter and broadcasting to us through a radio transmitter by talking into a tin can from their well grounded radio station studio.

I know of what I speak in the last bullet above concerning the Tin Can. Back in my former life the U.S. Army taught me how to recognize the difference between a radio broadcast asking us to land where the good guys needed us to pick up wounded soldiers and the sound of a Viet Cong (bad guys) shouting very loudly into a tin can. They used to try and trick us into landing where they were so they could make us feel real unwelcome.
Thanks to your having read this Foolishness…Or Is It?, next time you hear the Eye in the Studio Guy shouting into his tin can, you will know the truth and then you can handle the truth. General Jack Nicholson would smile at this last line (if he were lucky enough to be on my notification list). 

Finally, if you find out where Neutrogena Anti-Wrinkle Street is, send me an email and let me know. It’s not in my GPS.

Would I kid u?
Smartfella

NOTE: Don’t blame me…BlogSpot is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my blogs.

Ugly Should Not Be Allowed In Church

I did it again in church yesterday. I allowed my mind to wonder while it should have been praying for you, my dear readers.

Those of you who have been reading my stuff for awhile may recall I did this once before when I became fixated on Blue Jeans, Shorts and Flip Flops in church. Click below to revive an old chuckle or two…

http://forii.blogspot.com/search?q=jeans

This time I got to looking at people’s feet. To be perfectly blunt, Feet Are Ugly. Why is it that people want to walk around any place at all, much less in church, with their feet exposed is beyond me.

The worst part of feet is toes. They go all directions when people walk. They are bent left and right. Some are so long they hang off the end of the flip flop. Some point up at about a 75 degree angle and then flop down as the foot hits the ground. Quite simply stated, feet are a mess.

Somewhere back in the past Mr. Revlon convinced women that their toes ought to be painted, so Mr. Revlon could build a big mansion to live in. The lady in the pew with me yesterday had selected Putrid Green for her little piggy's. They kept me awake during the homily. I kept peaking at them to see if they were still there and still Green.

Some of the feet that I saw had closed end shoes so that the toes were not visible. I also analyzed this phenomena and drew the inescapable conclusion that people with good looking toes must not be allowed to show off their toes.

Given enough time all toes deteriorate. Eventually they all become ugly and by federal law, once ugly,  they are required to be exposed. The agents of the Federal Department of Ugliness (FDU) are probably roaming our streets and byways with their handheld x-ray machines on the lookout for ugly toes still hidden by shoe coverings. Once FDU determines that your toes are ugly enough, the person who is connected to the toes is required to wear open toed sandals or flip flops. If they can’t afford to buy their new foot gear, taxpayer dollars are used to give them what the law requires that they wear. It’s the only fair thing to do.

Some of you are probably thinking I have really stepped into it this time because I have offended all those out there who like sandals and flip flops. Actually this is not the case. All such people think that they are the exception to the rule and that their ugly feet are pretty feet and, therefore, I am not talking about them and their pretty feet. In this misguided belief they are pretty wrong.

If feet came without toes, I might not be this riled up but they do and so I am.

Would I kid u?

Appendix To … I Was So Shocked I Almost Ran Off The Road

I am so happy that I now have conclusive proof that at least one person is reading my Foolishness, even if it is a relative.

In response to my blog “I Was So Shocked I Almost Ran Off The Road”, my cousin sent me this info. I think the People Picture it paints is priceless and is proof that my original posting was right on the money.

I was out of the United States (Vietnam) when this happened and this is the first time I have been told about it…

• My grandfather’s house in uptown New Orleans had very wide front steps that could accommodate around 20 people (neighbors and/or relatives).
• Most nights In the 1940s the steps would be full of neighbors and/or relatives.
• If one of these neighbors and/or relatives would have started talking about what was on TV that night, the rest would have really been puzzled about what a TV was.
• On September 9, 1965 Hurricane Betsy hit New Orleans.
• This is the hurricane that made the people in the New Orleans area fear future hurricanes.
• Much of uptown New Orleans was without electricity for up to three weeks.
• During that No Air Conditioning and No TV period of time the neighbors and or relatives returned to my grandfather’s front steps.
• For a very short period in 1965 it was 1948 all over again.

I wish I would have been there but probably would not have appreciated what I was experiencing at the time. It very likely would have taken the hindsight of today to understand how nice those three weeks were.

To finish this one on a sad note, when the electricity came back on, the neighbors and/or relatives went back inside to their Air Conditioning and TV's and have not been seen since.

Would I kid u?
Smartfella

I Was So Shocked I Almost Ran Off The Road

I was driving along the other day and I looked to my right and there it was something I don’t think I have seen in 45 years. There was a man sitting on his porch in one of his porch chairs. Don’t you get it? Ok, I’ll say it again but more slowly this time...

There ... was ... a ... man ... sitting ... on ... his ... porch ... in ... one ... of ... his ... porch ... chairs.

Stop and think about this sight. Ask yourself when was the last time you saw someone sitting in a porch chair. Been quite a while has it not?

Everyone who has a porch has porch chairs. They are everywhere. They are probably a billion dollar industry but they are not for sitting in. They are for looking at. Porch chairs are probably one of the most useless things we have in the good ole USofA.

Life before TV...

• We would sit outside after supper on our porch chairs and wait for the neighbors to come walking by.
• My family did not have a porch or porch chairs but we did not let that stop us. We did have concrete area in front of the plate glass window of our family grocery store and that served as our porch. For chairs, we brought out four kitchen chairs to serve as substitute porch chairs.
• This routine was always initiated by my father saying, “Time to set up the kitchen chairs”.
• As we sat, the neighbors would come walking by and make chit chat... “Nice night”, “How are you doing this evening”, “President Truman sure made a big mistake by sending our boys to Korea”, “Dat (I was raised in New Orleans) hurricane (New Orleans is in Louisiana) will be here tomorrow this time. Don’t forget to put the masking tape on your front plate glass window”, etc.
• At some point in the evening it was our turn to get up from our kitchen chairs and walk around the neighborhood to chit chat to the neighbor who had returned from their walks or had yet to walk their walks.
• We left our chairs setting there without giving them a second thought that someone would steal our kitchen chairs while we were gone. There was no need to put chains around the chairs like Wal-Mart has to do with their lawn mowers today.

I know I have confused you, my dear readers, by using a term in this posting that you are completely unfamiliar with and for that I apologize. I will now explain myself.

As you read above you most certainly said to yourself, “Self, what is a neighbor?” (Educating my readers is one of the greatest pleasures I get from blogging)...

Neighbors are the people who live in the houses around your house who you never see because they are inside their houses watching Dancing with the Stars content in the knowledge that their porch chairs are on their porch making them look neighborly.

Getting back to the beginning of this Foolishness, is it possible that that guy I saw sitting on his porch in his porch chair is not the beginning of a comeback for sitting out after supper, walking and chit chat? Could it be that his TV was broken and he was waiting for the Best Buy delivery truck? That, my dear reader, is a sobering thought. I wish I had not thought it.

On the other hand, Televisions and Unnecessary Porch Chairs just might be conclusive evidence of the progress our society has made since I was a kid...or is it?

Would I kid u?

I Am Very Much Into My New Undertaking

I am going to devote many of my waking hours in the years to come toward supporting a new and much needed organization called…

Association of Mothers United for Safe Texting (AMUST).

I can’t tell you how excited I am about this, so I won’t.

Their Vision Statement tells it all…

Texting while driving is a fundamental right of all Americans. The most important rule of texting is Quick Response. To address this issue, driving habits need to change with the times.

AMUST lays out their Platform very succinctly…

• AMUST agrees that texting while driving can sometimes be dangerous.
• In the interest of safety, AMUST supports texting only while stopped at traffic lights.
• The problem is there are not enough traffic lights, and the few that we do have, do not allow enough time to text your inner most thoughts.
• AMUST proposes that traffic lights be erected every six blocks and all traffic lights should be timed to stop traffic in all direction for a minimum of sixty seconds.

AMUST feels that ought to do it but, being an organization with an eye toward the future, AMUST has already developed Phase II. I personally do not see why they are dragging their collective feet and are not proposing Phase II right up front. I ask you, what’s wrong with a light every three blocks and ninety seconds long?

Texting must be protected in the Constitution of these United States somewhere and, if it is not, it ought to be.

Would I kid u?

This Is A Short One

The next time you hear one of our Congressional Rulers talk about reducing expenditures so they can spend the money saved on something else, ask yourself…

Would It Not Make More Sense To Take The Money Saved And Pay Down the National Debt Instead Of Spending The Money Saved On Something Else?

Then we could really save some money by Not Paying Interest on the National Debt … or is that against federal law?

Would I kid u?

Where Do They Get All That Money To Build Those Fancy Casinos?

This Foolishness…Or Is It? is not about the blowing up of the Mississippi River Levee in Missouri. It actually is about something I read in an article about the levee blowup. At first it looked like Foolishness. I make it a practice to make light of Foolishness but this one is truly sad.

The article said that down the river and into the state of Mississippi there was another problem. A local official was quoted as saying that the high water in the river had caused nine casinos on barges to close. He went on to say, “That can kill a community like ours. It’s our number-one revenue source”.

It appears that the Downstream Folks are working hard to make money and the Gambling Industry Folks and the Local Taxing Authority Folks are working hard to take their money. The hard working downstream folks are putting on their Vietnamese jeans made with Egyptian cotton and going to the casinos to get rid of their money, a.k.a. “Revenue Source”. They used to deposit their money in a bank but now they deposit their money in a casino.

Once again I offer a solution. If these downstream folks are running out of money what we need is to get someone to raise their debt limit. That ought to make it all better.

Would I kid u?

Obsessed? … There Is No Doubt I Am!

This posting is intended to remove all doubt about my obsession about Cell Phone Distracted Drivers and prove to you that I have good reason to be the way I am…

• Today I was driving down a four lane street when I took note of a curious happening in a car that was overtaking me at a rapid speed, as I traveled along just exceeding the speed limit.
• There was something that kept protruding in and out of the driver’s side window of the fast approaching car.
• As the car darted past me I saw that that something was a small very excited white dog.
• I thought to myself that an excited animal bouncing around on one’s lap could be a real distraction to safe driving but it was not as distracting as it could have been because the lady driving the rocker mobile was holding a cell phone to her right ear and the all-important conversation she was engaged in was certainly keeping her mind off of her cute little dog’s bounding about.
• Later I caught up and passed the Talking Dog Lady because she had been stopped by a red light.
• After the red light she sped past me again but I gained on her a short distance later as she slowed to make a right turn.
• That’s when I saw how advanced this lady’s driving skills really were.
• The dog was even more excited because it could smell home approaching and was bounding on her lap and out the window at a more frenetic pace while the Mrs. Evil Kenevil had contorted her head down a sharp angle to hold that little cell phone between her ear and her right shoulder while she turned the wheel to make her turn.

This was a talented woman! I sure hope she was going through all of this pretzeling so that she could continue her conversation about solving the Mid-Eastern Situation with the Foot Long Sub Sandwich Eating Lady from my earlier blog posting (click below)…

“Obsessed … Or Am I?” http://forii.blogspot.com/2011/04/obsessed-or-am-i.html

Would I kid u?

Obsessed ... Or Am I?

I admit that I am constantly looking at those around me that who are constantly talking on their cell phones. Is it necessary to always be in communication with someone about something? Is it even healthy?

Whatever happened to time spent sitting around contemplating about things? Einstein used to spend a lot of time thinking. He spent years working complex problems in his thinking head. Where would we be if every time he started to make progress, his cell phone would have played the cute little tune he had selected from...

10,000Cuteand/orTerriblyAnnoyingRingTones.com

Most of all I think driving and talking on one’s cell phone is downright dangerous. I can’t help it but it really gets to me. If I was to go on a campaign to stop this unsafe driving practice, I would certainly be vilified, verbally attacked, rotten vegetables would be thrown in my direction or worse.

I feel certain that in one of my many appearances to defend myself in court about one of the many law suits that would certainly be filed against me I would hear a prosecuting attorney uttering words like this...

“Your honor, the Founding Fathers of this great country of ours wanted us all to talk on our cell phones. If it were not so, they would not have bothered putting Freedom of Speech in our Constitution.”

I’ve written about talking and driving on the phone before but I was pushed over the edge again by a sight I witnessed yesterday at a stop light...

• I was just sitting at the red light trying my best to solve the Mid-Eastern Situation when I took note of a car to my right in the cross street to my own street.
• It had come to a rather abrupt stop as the light had changed.
• Sure enough the lady was holding a cell phone in her right hand to her right ear and also was trying to solve the Mid-Eastern Situation.
• This, of course, had me muttering to myself as I started going through my green light.
• About the time I got even with the cell phone using lady, she lifted her left hand to take a bite out of the foot long sub sandwich she was holding in her left hand.

What dexterity this woman possessed! I feel certain that, if the late great Ed Sullivan were still on television, this lady would be one of his acts right along with the Jugglers, the Trampoline Jumping Artists and the Plate Spinners on Long Sticks Guys. I am certain she would have been a hit.

Our Founding Fathers would be very proud of her.

Would I kid u?

Before You Panic ... Ask Me

Modern America is driven by information coming at us from all directions. Sometimes we are dozing in front of the television and pay no attention (if we are lucky). Other times we are awake and get excited. Sometimes there is need to get excited but many times we should pay no attention.

A good example is the Swine Flu Pandemic if 2009/10. Right there you see a prime example of the, “We Have Got to Get Their Attention 24/7 News Cycle”. It could have been called the Swine Flu Outbreak but they (“they” is the same as “them”) wanted this one to be a Pandemic.

I have done my research on this bit of Foolishness...Or Is It? and I know you appreciate my efforts on your behalf...

This is a quote from an story dated September 1, 2009...

“A White House report from an expert panel suggests that from 30 percent to half the population could catch swine flu during the course of this pandemic and that from 30,000 to 90,000 could die.”

Allow me to show the results of my analysis of the above attention grabbing statistics filled quote about how many of us could have caught the Swine Flu...

• 30% of the U.S. population would mean that 93,000,000 of us could have caught the Swine Flu.
• 50% of the U.S. population would mean that 156,000,000 of us could have caught the Swine Flu.
• Using information I have gathered from the Internet I have found that there were actually 113,690 cases of Swine Flu reported in the U.S. and to get to that number Puerto Rico, Guam, American Samoa, U.S. Virgin Islands and Northern Mariana Islands were included.

Allow me to also show the results of my analysis of the above attention grabbing statistics about deaths...

• The number predicted that could die of the Swine Flu was 30,000 to 90,000.
• That actual number, again including Puerto Rico, Guam, American Samoa, U.S. Virgin Islands and Northern Mariana Islands, that did die was 3,433.

We have often heard it said, “That’s good enough for government work”. I’m sure glad that the government does not work in the world of sports. If it did we might hear something said like, “Babe Ruth hit 3,712 home runs in 1927” (for those of you who don’t know sports, the actual number was 60).

Next time we have a pandemic on the way, contact me and I will tell you what to do to protect yourself. I could have saved us all a lot of consternation if only I had been asked. The picture below is what I would have advised about

How to Prevent Swine Flu...

Would I kid u?

Education ... Or is it?

In the world of modern education there is some good news and some bad news out there. 

Cursive Writing

Bad News: This form of writing has fallen into disuse. For some reason Americans have started printing. My local newspaper told me recently that a decision was pending about whether or not the teaching of Cursive Writing is going to be completely discontinued in the State of Georgia.

Don’t tell the “educators” making this decision but I think many of our schools have already taken this “progressive” step and have stopped teaching this antiquated subject. They probably replaced it with Multi-Cultural Dancing or Social Networking.

Since we are talking about jobs so much during our current dire economic situation, think about all the jobs that are being lost as cursive writing goes down the tubes due to the fact that Handwriting Experts are being given their pink slips every day.

Spelling

The next set of instruction that will be discontinued will be Spelling. It will be replaced by an attitude that says, Come as Close as You Can and Let Them Figure It Out.

Punctuation

Already gone is Punctuation. In the catalog where it used to be listed as a subject is a notation that says, “Punctuation was once considered a requirement but has fallen into disuse in recent years and is now seen for what it really is ... A waste of time and ink”.

Touch Typing

Touch Typing also used to be very important but it is now history. My two sons were steered towards Touch Typing classes by my wife. They probably took some guff from other boys for taking “a girl’s class” but they actually benefited from their mother’s foresight.

Good News: I have also read where there is a strong movement to put Touch Typing classes back into our teaching curriculum.

Bad News: The modern student is going to be taught to Touch Type using only his thumbs.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Congress Can Stop Spending All That Money If They Only Would Listen To Me

They are going at it hot and heavy up in our beloved congress about how to stop spending all the money we don’t have. The negotiations have progressed to this point...

“We all agree that we have to stop spending all this money we don’t have.”

1. This is progress because congress has now come to an understanding about what the problem truly is.

2. The next step is to agree on what spending needs to be cut.

3. The bad news is #2 above will never happen.

As usual I do not just present problems without proposing solutions. The solution is so simple you are going to kick yourself for not thinking of it without my help...

The cuts need to come from all other congressional districts other than your congressman’s congressional district.

I told you it was a simple solution.

Would I kid u?

How To Get Rid Of Your Wife

Want to have your wife go away for awhile? These calculations are brought to you by me and my calculator.

This bit of reasoning is a re-occurring theme with me but I’m going to have a go at it again because it appears no one is paying any attention to me (especially the U.S. Congress).

The recent and ongoing Budget Battle keeps throwing around Millions and Billions and Trillions. It could very likely be that our congress is getting so used to the terms that our congress appears to have lost sight of the true meaning of the words…

Our 2011 Federal Budget is only 3.55. How big can 3.55 be? Even if you tack on Trillion to the 3.55, it is still only 3.55 and 3.55 is not even 4.

Think of it this way: If you were to give your wife the three different sums of money below with the following instructions the result would be the result…

Go out shopping and spend $1,000 each day and don’t come home until you have spent all the money I have given you.

• If you gave her $1 Million, you would not see your wife again for 2.7 years.
• If you gave her $1 Billion, you would not see your wife again for 2,740 years.
• If you gave her $1 Trillion, you would not see your wife again for 2,739,726 years.

I am sure that many members of our congress would look at my Foolish Calculations above and have their staff issue a statement that would go something like this…

I do find this interesting but I see it as an attempt to confuse the folk back home about something or other. 2,739,726 is actually 2.7 million. I’m smarter than a 5th grader (or you would not have elected me…or would you have?) and any 5th grader knows that 2.7 is not even 3 and 3 ain’t that much.

Numbers are really strange and fascinating. Do you realize that the above Foolish Calculations will also work if a wife wanted to make her husband go away for awhile?

Would I kid u?

There’s The Tree In The Forest Dilemma & There’s The Other One

We all know the age old dilemma that goes…

If A Tree Falls In The Forest When No One Is Around, Does It Make A Noise?

I am pecking this Foolishness…Or Is It? directed at the new age dilemma…

If A News Camera Is Turned On In The Middle/Far East, Was The Demonstration That It Records Already There Or Does It Immediately Come Into Existence Because The Camera Was Turned On?

This requires us to also consider…

• On our news programs we always see signs that are printed in English. Are the demonstrations so organized and sophisticated that the sign holders stop and re-sign themselves all the time so that in the Netherlands the signs printed in Dutch, in Russia they are printed in Russian, in Brazil they are printed in Portuguese, etc.?
• If the above bullet is correct, the Sign Making Industry must be really big over there. In addition to Big Oil they must also have Big Sign.
• Have you noticed that the demonstrators are always wide-eyed? Is this a requirement? Is there a sign in the waiting rooms where they go to sign up to begin their careers as demonstrators that reads...

Non Wide Eyed Persons Need Not Apply

• Are the demonstrators driven by a power larger than themselves? In other words, if the camera was never turned off, would they be unable to stop demonstrating and eventually die before our very eyes clutching their current sign?

All of these considerations are very confusing but there is one thing I know for certain...

The person who invented the term “Yankee Go Home” is in the Demonstration Hall of Fame and has had statues erected in his honor all over the Middle/Far East.

Would I kid u?

How Long Is A 60 Minute News Show?

I for one am very tired of the 24/7 News Cycle. I am, however, not one to say that’s the way is has to be. I am a Fighter but most of all I am a Thinking Fighter and I have come up with a fool proof way to address this awful situation.

I am, here and now, proposing the way to cut any current 60 Minute News show down to 30 minutes! It is so simple that you, my dear readers, are going to kick your collective selves for not thinking of it ahead of me.

On All Of These 60 Minute News Shows Prohibit The Talking News Head From Quoting The Results Of Any News Poll Of The American People

That is it. That would save easily 30 minutes an hour.

I am not so shallow as to just lay those saved 30 minutes on the trash bin of history. I am concurrently proposing that the time gained be filled in by showing reruns of any of the following…

• Amos ‘n Andy
• The Ozzie & Harriet Show
• Amos ‘n Andy
• The Lone Ranger
• Amos ‘n Andy

If you have never had the pleasure of watching any of the above shows, I feel sorry for you.

I take that back. I don’t feel sorry for you because you have a lot of viewing pleasure lying in front of you.

If, after watching any of them, you say you don’t like what you have watched, I will then feel sorry for you for sure.

Would I kid u?

In Honor Of Our Income Tax System

I ought to do this every year to raise your awareness to the awful and confusing burden put upon us by our bloated Income Tax System. Below you will find an exact reproduction of instructions I copied from Turbo Tax yesterday as it tried to explain my taxes to me as a part of my annual pilgrimage to April 15^th.

This is only a small bit of our Tax Understanding Problem. According to a site called U. S Tax Code On-Line which can be seen at…http://www.fourmilab.ch/uscode/26usc/, there are a lot of other instructions we must contend with every year…
“The complete Internal Revenue Code is more than 24 megabytes in length, and contains more than 3.4 million words; printed 60 lines to the page, it would fill more than 7500 letter-size pages.”

I am not trying to be cute. I did not change a word of the instructions below. I would explain it to you, dear reader, if I knew what the heck the IRS was trying to tell us.

“Material Participation
You materially participate in your business if you are actively involved in the operation of your business.
You materially participated if you pass any of the following tests:

• You participate in the activity for more than 500 hours during the year.
• You are the only person who substantially participates in the activity , including nonowners.
• You participate in the activity more than 100 hours during the year and no one else participates more than you do, including nonowners.
• You participate more than 100 hours in this and other activities, and the total for all the activities is more than 500 hours.

Also:

• If you materially participate in a personal service activity for at least three years you are a material participant for life. Personal services include child care, consultant, real estate agent, etc
• You participated in the activity on a regular, continuous, and substantial basis for more than 100 hours during the year.
• If married, you can include your spouse's participation toward the 500- and 100-hour tests.

Requirements:
The work you performed must have been:

• Done at the time you owned an interest in the activity, and must have been the type that an owner customarily does.

Exceptions:

• Any hours managing the activity do not count toward material participation if:
• Anyone other than you received compensation for managing the activity, or
• Anyone spent more hours than you performing services in managing the activity during the year.”

This all started in 1913 when average income was around $15,000 and the original 1040 form (click link below) shows that the Income Tax Rate was 0% up to $20,000 and 1% between $20,000 and not exceeding $50,000...
http://www.ourdocuments.gov/document_data/document_images/doc_057b_big.jpg

This is the part of a Foolishness...Or Is It? where I would normally peck out something cute but I can’t do that today because there are tears in my eyes. (Or did I just peck out something cute? I can’t tell because there are tears in my eyes).

Would I kid u?

The World Is Going To Hell In A Hand Basket (Whatever That Means) & Then We Have The World Of Miss Manners

Here is a list of just a few things wrong with the world in which we are required to live…

• Terrorism is blowing up people on a daily basis.
• There is great hunger out there.
• Diseases are rampant and, in many cases, we have no clue as to how to cure them.
• The United Nations was invented to stop all wars but, since its inception, there have been many wars (a.k.a. Police Actions, Conflicts, Overseas Contingency Operations, Nation On Nation Quarrels, etc.).
• The world community has tried its best but has been unable to stem the flow of funny looking hats to Muammar Gaddafi.                

In the midst of all this consternation we have Gentle Reader and her Baby’s First Birthday Issues. Here is her letter to Miss Manners which clearly lays out her predicament…

Dear Miss Manners:

When my baby was first born, I signed her thank-you notes with my husband's and my names. My husband says I should sign her first birthday present thank-yous with her name.

I feel kind of stupid doing this, and writing things like "I look adorable in my new dress" instead of "She looks adorable in her new dress." Also, do I address the cards to her baby friends or to their parents?

Miss Manners is more polite than I am but, if I were Miss Manners (thank heaven I’m not), I would have written Mommie back saying, “Please see to it that you or your baby refrain from ever writing me again. I have more critical Proper Place Setting Issues with which to contend”.

Would I kid u?

I Am A Firm Believer That Talking Heads Can Talk

I will readily accept the fact that Talking Heads can talk but can they think? Allow me to prove to you that they definitely cannot think.

I was on my way to Home Depot and listening to the car radio. It was then that I realized two things…

First… We are into the second phase of the Japan Earthquake and Tsunami Disaster.
Second… Talking Heads have 3X5 index cards in their hands at all times and, no matter what the person being interviewed says, they are going to read the next question on their 3X5 index card.

Phase One…Everything Is Awful & We are All Going To Die: Japan’s Earthquake and Tsunami was an absolute feeding frenzy for our news media. It has allowed them to panic and to demand that we panic right along with them. They enjoy doing this kind of thing to us…

• We are all going to die and, if we don’t, we are going to wish we had.
• California was going to be under water.
• We were all about to start glowing with radioactivity.
• A Federal Directive was reported to be imminent that we were not going to ever be able to eat anything that begins with the letter “J” (Japan).

Phase Two…It Is Not So Bad After All: In this phase they explain to us that all the terrible things we have come to fear are not going to happen after all. The strangest thing is the media, who told us all those terrible things, are now acting as if they have no idea who told us all those terrible things.

Today’s interview I heard with the Talking Head proves that I know about what I am pecking out to you.

The All-Knowing Expert being interviewed said that the danger from eating any food imported from Japan was very low. To prove her point she said the following…

• If we were to eat contaminated spinach that had been grown in a field next to the nuclear power plant that blew up and melted down and looks really bad on TV, we would not be harmed.
• If we would eat that spinach every day for an entire year we would receive the same radiation we would receive from a single MRI.

The All-Knowing Talking Head then said, “Well that is a relief! That isn't anything to worry about. Let’s go to happy hour!”

That is not what out All-Knowing Talking Head said. True to the Code of Heads she asked the next question on the 3X5 index card. She asked, “Are you advising that Americans not eat any food imported from Japan?”

Because some of you persist in thinking that I make everything up I again feel compelled to say the following…

The Interview I Related To You Above

Is Not Made Up!

(OK, I did make up the part before the interview about not being able to eat anything that begins with the letter “J”.)

Would I kid u?

Manipulating Our Judicial System ... Again

This is another lesson in how our Judicial System can be twisted every which way you could imagine and how it does not have the ability to say, “Get the Heck out Of My Courtroom!”

I already published this Foolishness...Or Is It? in January, 2009. Does that make this Remedial Foolishness?

• A father has won a court decision after he contended that his high-achieving high school daughter was being wronged because there was a moment of silent reflection (formerly known as Prayer) lasting 30 seconds before classes began.
• The 30 seconds of silence were set aside in compliance with his state’s law so that each student could pray to their own god in their own way.
• You are probably thinking that daddy was objecting because this was some kind of mandate for a prayer and he objected to any attempt to make his child pray to or about anything but this was not his hang up.
• He said he had sued because his daughter was in competition with other students in other schools in other states for admission into the Big Ten University System and these 30 seconds of delay was hurting her chances because the other students in other states were not having their education delayed.
• His Bottom Line ... His daughter was being “forced” to play "catch up".

Just in case you have short term memory loss and you forgot what I told you at the beginning of this Foolishness... This Concerned Father Won His Lawsuit.

Some bloggers hold the best part for last but not me. I hold the saddest part for last.

Would I kid u?