I first did this Blog Posting in 2009. It is time for a redo. It Is Also the Time of Year for THIS PARTICULAR Redo.

By way of this Foolishness…Or Is It? I am formally offering each of you the opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a Sure-Fire Money-Making New Venture aptly named...GrandmaNearYou.com. If you are one to quickly see a financially sound opportunity, you will be writing a check before you get to the end of this Foolish Blog Posting.

Back when my Mother used to visit us for various holidays, we flew her to wherever we were living at that time...Los Angeles or Detroit or Milwaukee or Detroit (again) or Atlanta or Los Angeles (again) or Atlanta (again).

Our family was always excited to see her, especially since she was sure to be carrying 5 pounds of my Grandfather’s Secret Recipe Italian Sausage and several jars of Ma Brown Kosher Dill Pickles (Since I left New Orleans in 1975 I have never found Ma’s Pickles).

The silly company which bought out the company that made Ma Brown's Kosher Dill Pickles quickly decided to take out the Spicy. 

Fella Comment: This proved it was a silly/stupid company. 

Fella Wonders: Fella wonders how much money the new silly/stupid company spent on Focus Groups trying to figure out why the New Pickles did not sell as well as the Old Pickles. 

Another Fella Comment: They should have asked me and saved all that Focus Group money because the Spicy was what made them better.

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On one of these Grandma’s Coming To Visit visits, as my family and I sat waiting in the airport for her to deplane, I took note of all the Grandmas who were arriving from all over the United States who had flown in for the holiday. The idea for this Sure-Fire Money-Making New Venture hit me like a thunderbolt!

Why not use some of this computer technology we were now developing to locate a Grandma that is closer to where our family lives and bring this, more convenient, Grandma over for the holiday?

Our too-far-away Grandma would not go unappreciated. She certainly would be grabbed quickly by some local family looking to save a wad of money on airfare. We would certainly be glad to testify that she would be a delight to have over because we really liked having her around.

I am not being heartless because the Grandma that you had been intending to fly in, at great expense, would now very likely just have to go a few blocks to her new nearby Holiday Family. Other benefits for the Stay Near Home Grandmas are too numerous to list in their entirety but here are a few of the obvious ones…

• She would not have to pack and unpack her suitcases.
• She would not have to stop the newspaper.
• She would not have to stop the mail.
• She would not have to put the dog or cat in a kennel.
• She would not have to get herself to the airport.
• She would not have to suffer the humiliation of being frisked while that guy with the two-foot-long beard wearing a robe walked right by in his flip flops.
• She would not have to have to take off her shoes during the freaking frisking process.
• She would not have to sit in a cramped airplane for hours (because you were cheap and you did not buy her a first-class ticket).
• She would not have to eat airline snacks (they used to get actual food that Grandma would not have to eat).
• She would not have to be endangered by terrorists.
• She would not have to sleep on an unfamiliar bed and pillow while visiting.
• She would not have to fly back home and again be exposed to all the above airline persecutions.

Heaven knows there are a lot of American Males who would jump at the opportunity to have a different Mother-In-Law for a change.

Variety could also be added to your family’s holiday because your new Grandma would introduce your family to her own special cooking talents.

Again, computer technology could be used to make this a Win-Win Proposition for all involved by using computer technology to tailor make your conveniently located grandma. The form where you applied for your substitute Grandma would allow you to fine tune your replacement Grandma. You would be able to pick from one of the following:

• Black hair
• Brown hair
• Red hair
• Grey hair
• Blue hair

You would be able to specify a cooking specialty:

• Italian
• Mexican
• Spanish
• German
• Chinese

You would be able to select a nationality:

• Italian
• Mexican
• Spanish
• German
• Chinese
• Anything but French

The potential of this brilliant (if I do say so myself) idea is boundless! This may be your best chance to become one of the Filthy Rich.

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Become a Charter Owner of GrandmasNearYou.com today! Don't let this opportunity pass you by! Send your check to:
GrandmaNearYou.com
c/o The Smartfella?
What A Deal, GA 30096

Dig deep! The bigger your check the bigger will be your percentage of ownership of GrandmaNearYou.com permitting you to become filthy sooner than other slower investors.

Would I kid you?

Smartfella