Saving Newsprint

I recently read a news article about Biotech that contained 768 words. A subject like Biotech can be confusing & this article proved to be just that...Very Confusing.

Much of the confusion was caused by the fact that it had lots of numbers/statistics in it. The more we analyze, try to comprehend &/or make comparisons with other numbers the more confusing news articles become.

This particular article had 42 sets of numbers (percentages, dollars, years, multiples of annual revenues) in it. It was awful.

I was worn out & confused when I finished & did not understand most of what I had just read. Being one who always wants to improve the world around me, I decided to come up with a way to make articles of this ilk (just love the word "ilk") better.

I decided humankind would be better served if we would just get rid of the words & keep the numbers.

Here is the Biotech Article without the words...

$21,000,000,000, $6,600,000,000, 2006, 2013, $7,000,000,000, 5.7%, $17,000,000,000, 38%, $8,300,000,000, $5,200,000,000, 51%, 14.5%, 500, 2%, 1991, 2006, B2, $6,600,000, 2008, $6,000,000, 2009, $.57, $261.25, 2011, 60%, 2014, $65.66, 11x, $49.65, 5x, $28.41, 9x, $20.97, 29x, $15.93, 4x, $13.35, 4x, $13.21, 12x, $12.22, 3x.

There it is. You now understand as much of the article as if you had read all the words but you did not have to read all the words...

Think how much time you saved!

You are very welcome. I always like to help out where I can.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(261)

Once Upon A Time We Used To Change The Names To Protect The Innocent. Now We Go To Great Lengths To Protect The Guilty.

Recently an alleged bad guy (I hope I am not jumping to conclusions by calling him a bad guy) tried to abduct a small child. He was caught on camera as he ran away with his alleged victim.

Actually he was not "caught" by the camera after the local news outlet got finished protecting him. Below is a still picture from the actual video...

I know I'm The Noticer & you are not but did you see what this blog is toying around with?

You did not? I am so disappointed in you!…

They blocked out the facial features of the alleged bad guy!

If the news channel's spokesman were asked why they blocked out the alleged facial features of the alleged bad guy, would the spokesman have said something like…

"In the Good Ole USofA we are innocent until we are proven guilty. Besides, if we had shown his face, the police might have apprehended him.

What if his neighbors had seen his face? Would they have told the police it was him? Worse yet, would they have thought ill of him?"

Sometimes I experience brief moments of fear that I will run out of silliness to write about. In the future, when this fear starts to come on me, I'm going to say to myself…

"Relax, fella, it ain't gonna happen. Remember the alleged bad guy running away with his alleged small victim. There's a world of untapped foolishness coming your way."

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(274)

Running Into The Street Screaming

I am spending too much of my life on the phone on hold waiting for online "help".

These people are paid to keep me to be happy, are they not? I know what they are doing instead of picking up their end of the phone & helping me. They are sitting around drinking their Fruity Drinks With Little Umbrellas in them. That's exactly what they are doing!

I think deep down they really do want to help me because they went to all the trouble to make a recording that tells me over & over that my call is important to them.

What I don't understand is, if the above paragraph is true, why do they play such Awful Music Awfully Loud at me while I patiently wait?

I have been persecuted by this assault on my hearing & sanity for a long time now but was not prompted to blog about it until recently because I started noticing a significant number of people running out of their houses screaming things like... "I can't take it any longer" or "Why do they do this to me?!" or "Aghaaaaaaaaa!".

I assigned the responsibility of finding out why these people are acting this way to one of my best Investigative Investigators & it was not long before I had the answer...

"Sir, the reason the Awful Music is played Awfully Loud is that they are hoping you will hang up the phone & run out into the street screaming things like... "I can't take it any longer" or "Why do they do this to me?!" or "Aghaaaaaaaaa!".

If you do hang up, then they can keep sipping their Fruity Umbrella Drinks.

Also, their assigned quota is only 2 calls handled per day &, since a disconnection is counted as a call completion, they have probably already reached their assigned quotas &, therefore, they have no vested interest in taking your call."

I make my Investigative Investigators address me as "Sir" because I pay them well & they are afraid of me because they need the job since the Major News Networks stopped investigating anything & started reporting everything.  

(I've spent hours trying to get the link below to work. If it does not work, Plan B is I am going to send an ordinary old fashioned email to each of you with the mp3 file attached. Plan C is, if Plan B does not work, take my word for it the Awful Music Is Awful!)

Click here to hear the Awful Music Played Awfully Loud for yourself...

..\..\..\..\Music\AwfullyLoudEM.mp3

If you are a masochist & want to experience what I am gripping about, you can call the Social Security Administration (800 772 1213) & experience the Awful Music Played Awfully Loud up close & personal.

After being asked a bunch of questions & threatened a couple of times, you can ask to speak to a Representative & THEN YOU WILL BE PUT ON HOLD. I don't think there is any chance that you will not be put on hold because they always put you on hold because they are sitting around drinking Fruity Umbrella Drinks.

If you really want to make the SSA call, you do so your own peril but, please remember to look both ways before you run out in the street screaming.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(563)  

If You Have A Cluttered Mind, You Will Clutter Your Surroundings & You Will Accomplish Little During Your Lifetime

There are few words for me to peck into this Blog Posting. I need only insert the picture below & let you come to your own realization about just how wrong the above subject really is.

The picture above was Albert Einstein's Office the day he died.

-------------------------

Allow me to try a new Subject...

A Neat, Tidy & Uncluttered Office Reveals A Person Who Accomplished Many Great Things In Life & Ended Up Being Admired By All

The above picture was Adolph Hitler's Office.

Looks Like I'm Wrong Again

Would I kid u?
Smartfella
(115)

If Only We Were This Socially Advanced Back Then, We Could Have Saved The Buggy Whip Manufacturers

The Buggy Whip Manufacturers were swept into the Dustbin Of History.

By the time the same fate was about to befall the Coal Tenders on railroad engines we had advanced to the point where we saved them & they were allowed to stay on the job (doing nothing) after the evil diesel engines tried to sweep them into the Dustbin of History.

We have learned from our past mistakes & this time around we are going to save the many employees of Automotive Body Repair Shops in the Good Ole USofA...

"Widespread embrace of self-driving vehicles could eliminate 90% of all auto accidents in the U.S., prevent up to $190 billion in damages and health-costs annually and save thousands of lives, according to a new report by consulting firm McKinsey & Co."

Mass adoption of these Self-Driving Cars (to be known as "Autonomous Vehicles") will be upon us in 15 years. If we don't act now to become pro-active about this impending disaster, millions of body shop employees will be forced onto the unemployment lines & they & their children will be homeless on the streets of the Good Ole USofA.

Thank heaven our Senate is taking action even as I peck this out...

Ø Senator Foghorn Leghorn has proposed legislation that will require every owner of an Autonomous Vehicle to employ a former body shop employee to sit in each vehicle.

Ø The particulars of their employment are still being worked out by Senator Leghorn & his Save All Jobs No Matter What The Cost Sub-Committee but here is what we know thanks to an anonymous source on the committee who asked not to be identified because he is betraying a sworn oath he gave to Senator Leghorn that he would not become an anonymous source & do what he is doing anonymously.

Ø The non-drivers will be paid double the Minimum Wage, which is expected to be $75 per hour in 15 years because we all know that a family of 4 cannot be raised on a mere $75/hour.

Ø The non-drivers must be furnished with the latest Tablet Computer of their choice by the vehicle owner.

Ø These Tablet Computers will be loaded with a full complement of Premium Computer Games.

During his latest news conference the Honorable Senator was asked what was the reason the non-drivers were to be given access to the Computer Games. The anger was apparent on the Senator's face when he heard this question but he remained composed & responded as if the reporter's question was not as inane as he knew it to be by saying, "Son. Why, son. The games are essential because these non-drivers won't have anything to do. Without these games it is certain that many of them will go insane from boredom. The last thing we need in this country is a bunch of insane non-drivers in these self-driving vehicles. Why, they might start trying to push something or step on something or, heaven forbid, start trying to drive these non-driver vehicles! Then where would we be? I'll tell you where. We would be right back where we were before the advent of the driverless cars. We would start having vehicle collisions. Then we would have need for body shops & there would be no body shop workers to work in these body shops because all the former body shop workers are already gainfully employed in the front of these driverless cars where they have nothing to do!".

Once again Senator Leghorn has displayed his ability to make the obvious obvious.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(617)

What Is It? Is It A Tax? No, It’s A Penalty. Wait It Is A Tax. Oh, I Now See What It Is. It’s As Clear As Can Be. How Could I have Missed It?

Attention, Liberal Leaning Readers of My Blog…

I am going to do something I don’t normally do in my blog. I am going to use the word, “Obamacare”. Do not not read any further because you see that word. I am not attacking your guy. I am attacking the Silly World your guy & you & I live in.

In the beginning we were told that those who did not get Health Insurance were not going to have a Tax levied against them but were going to be charged a Penalty.

Then the case went to our Supreme Court & the Supreme Court said that those of us who did not get Health Insurance were not going to have a Penalty levied against them but were going to be charged a Tax.

Time heals all confusion. Recently I was reading my trusty newspaper & my trusty newspaper straightened it all out for me & now I am going to straighten it all out for you…

The Penalty-Not-A-Tax

Which Became

A Tax-Not-A-Penalty

Is Now Officially Called

A “Tax/Penalty”

Is this a great country or what?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(225)

CNN Is On Top Of The Story! ... Or Are They?

I watched a news piece on CNN yesterday about Jihadi John.
As part of the piece CNN interviewed British people who knew him & in reporting what they said about him CNN used the words... Kind, Gentle, Humble, Grateful, Intelligent, Somewhat Quiet & Respectful.
There must be some other adjectives that CNN could have found to use, if they tried a little harder.
CNN also said, while Jihadi John was still in England, British authorities were keeping tabs on him as a terrorist suspect & he was upset saying he was being harassed.
If a headline to this "being harassed" part of the story were written it might look like this... "Terrorist Upset Because British Authorities Are Treating Him As If He Were A Terrorist".
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
(142)

In The Ole Days Some Of Us Thought It Was The New Days

In the late 1960's I was a traveler with Ford Motor Company. The company gave us $5.50 Food Allowance per day. As meager as such an allowance seems by today's standards I usually did alright.

Some of us tried to stretch the envelope by staying in motel rooms that cost $14 a night instead of our usual $9 per night accommodations but Ford caught on to what we were doing & put a stop to that wasteful spending, in no uncertain terms.

We were called into the District Office on a Monday morning before we headed out to our zones (very unusual meeting time) & told, in no uncertain terms, to get back where we belonged ($9 per night accommodations).

Those were the Ole Days. Today some upper crust hotels are charging $40 just for the use of Wi-Fi in their rooms.

Such hotels are the ones that used to cost $14 per night but now cost $200 per night. Thank heaven the $9 per night hotels are the still out there but now they cost $90 per night.

The strange thing is, if you spend $90 per night, the Wi-Fi is free but, if you spend $200 per night, the Wi-Fi costs $40 per night.

Guess this is what is called New Math... $90 is $90 but $200 is $240.

------------------------

On a related note (whatever that means), recently we stayed at a nice hotel & while checking in I asked the desk clerk if we received a free breakfast in the morning. The very nice young man (& he was very nice) looked me right in my cheap eyes & said, "No, sir. We are a full service hotel".

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(300)

Regarding My Last Blog, Here Is An Entertaining Way Of Saying The Same Thing

If you are one that says, "I never watch Fox News", make an exception this time. This is simply a short but entertaining way of looking at what I looked at in my last blog posting... After You Die, You May Not Be Dead.

Read it or simply click on the 2 minute & 45 second video & sit back and enjoy Common Sense with a Chuckle Staring An Italian Grandmother...

http://www.foxnews.com/on-air/your-world-cavuto/2014/02/25/cavuto-there-ought-be-oops-label-govt

Would I or Neil's Grandmother kid u?

Smartfella

(95)

After You Die, You May Not Be Dead

Did the above catchy title catch your attention because it confused you? I didn't really mean to confuse you...Or did I?

The World Of Nutrition has been telling us that many of the things that were bad for our health for the last 40 years have turned out to be not bad for us after all. It now becoming apparent that many of these bad things are actually needed in a Healthy Diet (formerly known as an Unhealthy Diet).

In other words, those of us who died from eating things in the Unhealthy Diet just might not have died after all because the Unhealthy Diet Foods were actually good for us, therefore, they were probably still alive after they died.

If it were not for me, the above paragraph would be confusing but that's why I have just explained it all in such clear language. That's why I'm called ClearAsMudFella.

------------------------

Some supporting documentation to prove that this bit of Foolishness is based on fact...

Cholesterol May Not Be As Bad As We Once Thought:

http://news.yahoo.com/eat-fat-lose-weight-041634455.html (click & read as much as you can stand).

The U.S. Is About To Drop Its Decades-Old Warning Against Cholesterol:

http://www.theverge.com/2015/2/11/8018253/us-dietary-guidelines-drop-cholesterol-warning (click & read as much as you can stand).

------------------------

Self-proclaimed Food Babe Vani Hari said in The Atlantic (click & read as much as you can stand)... “There is just no acceptable level of any chemical to ingest, ever.”

Commenting on her comment a MattS wrote... "Since all foods, even 100% natural foods are completely made up of chemicals, what does Ms Vani Hari eat, unicorn farts?"

------------------------

On a personal note... A few months back my doctor put this Fella on Lipitor to reduce his cholesterol. The drop in my cholesterol levels has been so dramatic that it has become apparent that, after I die, they are going to have to take my cholesterol out of me & beat it to death with a stick.

If what I read in above link about cholesterol (2nd link) is true, higher levels of cholesterol are good for me. That formerly dangerous cholesterol may have been all that was keeping me alive & blogging. Now that my high cholesterol is gone, my Blog Sharp Mind may fade away. It may actually have started with this posting.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(396)

What The Heck Is She Doing? By Golly She Is Surfing The Internet! But She Can't Be Doing That There...Or Can She?

Look at the picture below...

This is the best quality I could get taking a picture of a pause in CSPAN.

You are looking at a very serious problem in the Good Ole USofA... People not paying attention while at work because they are distracted by Electronic Devices While At Work.

This one is Extra Special Awful…This happened in the Senate of the United States of America!

This Senator is The One In Charge for the Day...

Ø She is in control.

Ø She bangs that gavel when it is appropriate.

Ø She makes rulings that are very important.

Ø All the other Senators look up to her (while she is looking down).

Periodically she would look up for a moment & act like she was paying attention but I watched her for about 15 minutes & she looked down a lot more than she looked up.

I got so agitated about this that I drove to Washington, D.C. & confronted her in person.

Boy did she put me in my place!

She looked me right in my eyes & said, "I was texting my daughter about making herself a peanut butter & jelly sandwich when she got home from school because the Senators out on the floor were taking an extra long time talking about something or other. My daughter could very well be President of the United States someday. Do you have a prejudice against a female president? You are the kind of bigoted person that has been holding back female progress the last 600 years! You ought to be ashamed of yourself!"

The whole time she was berating me I was backing up. I was completely intimidated. I slithered away & drove back to Georgia. During the whole drive I kept looking in my rear view mirror fearing "they" were coming after me to take me away to put me away.

The whole time she was verbally backing me up, knowing how smart she was, I had fear that she had seen into my true secret inner prejudice against Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches. I really hate those things & I am ashamed of that hate because I know there is no justifiable basis for it.

I'm going to think long & hard before I confront another Senator, much less one who is the Mother of a future President.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(438)

Lagniappe: Above I stated that the attacking Senator was smart. Did you wonder how I knew she was smart, since I had only just met her? The answer is simple, I knew she was smart because she is a U.S. Senator & they are all smart...Or are they?

A Once Proud Industry Is Being Destroyed

A brief listing of some different types of News Dissemination...

Ø Town Criers walked through streets shouting at people.

Ø Native Americans used Smoke Signals.

Ø People used to stand on Tree Stumps (Boxes in England) to get their message out.

Ø Paul Revere got on his horse & galloped through our villages telling us the British Were Coming.

Eventually we migrated to Podiums. When there were dramatic announcements to be made, the announcement maker stood behind a Podium to let us all know what's going on, what's been agreed to, who we are going to war against, the sad news that a famous celebrity couple has split up, etc.

The people who made the Podiums were a proud lot but not anymore. Towns were built up around their factories. They used to have annual conventions and published their own magazine. Now they are being relegated to the Ash Heap of History along with the Buggy Whip Makers. Now we Tweet to a world chock full of Twits.

This was in my newspaper this past week...

"(Reuters) - President Barack Obama and Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif spoke by telephone on Thursday about counterterrorism and other issues, and agreed to meet, the White House National Security Council said on Twitter."

This is pretty important news. Does it not appear to you to be Stump (or Box in England) or Podium Worthy? Sadly this appears not be the case.

In the future those of us who are not Twits will be left in the dark.

Oh well, that's progress... Or is it?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(274)

I Feel Like A Failure

I self-published my book & to this day only 98 people have obtained a copy for their bathrooms.

American Sniper was also self-published & has sold hundreds of thousands of copies & the movie has 5 Academy Award Nominations.

As far as I know I do not have a single Academy Award Nomination.

I have too much pride to have ever begged anyone to buy my book but, on more than one occasion, I have cried myself to sleep about my lagging sales numbers.

I have begun to fight back. I have a new plan to boost sales. I am going to change my catchy sales enticer phrase from World's Greatest Bathroom Book to the Best Little Read Book On The Prairie.

That oughta do it.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(137)

Let's Go This Way Cuz Harm's Way Is That Way

We now know that back in December the United Arab Emirates suspended participation in coalition air strikes against Isis because of concerns for their pilot's safety.

That's not the way it's supposed to be in war time. You are supposed to go where the enemy is & do you level best to break things. And yes, more often than not, it is not safe.

What if others throughout history had gone as far as the United Arab Emirates have gone to keep their pilots safe?...

Normandy... General Eisenhower's says to his staff on June 1, 1944, "Intelligence reports indicate that invading France might be fraught with difficulties. Let's wait till the Nazi's get tired of occupying France &/or they all get old & die. Our invasion would have a far better chance of success if we just practice a little patience."

Landing On The Moon... In 1969 bunch of those really smart people over in Houston decide to issue a press release. In it they say, "We have decided that there's are a lot of unknowns about trying to land on the moon. It also might be very dangerous. Instead, we are sending our Astronauts over to Death Valley to dig up some rocks over there."

Medical Evacuation By Helicopter In Vietnam... Our job was to go get wounded soldiers wherever they were. Many times this meant going into an active battle, landing & loading the wounded under fire. I don't think we would have retrieved many wounded if we had said to each other, "There's a lot of shooting going on in the landing zone where the wounded are. Let's go to that landing zone about a mile away. There are no wounded there but neither are there any bad guys that would be shooting at us. It will be a lot safer."

Tweet to UAE... No chit, Sherlock. Flying can be dangerous. May we also recommend that you bar your pilots from bouncing around in those Bouncy Blow Up Thingies at their children's birthday parties. Those things are accidents waiting to happen & it has also been reported that they are full of germs.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(372)

We Have A Hall Of Fame For Darn Near Everything

Believe it or not, there is such a thing as the...

United States’ National Toy Hall of Fame

Why there is a United States’ National Toy Hall of Fame I’m not quite sure but that’s not the reason for this Foolishness...Or Is It?. I'm more intrigued by the thinking of the United States’ National Toy Hall of Fame.

To my way of thinking a stick isn't much of anything. Not so with the United States’ National Toy Hall of Fame. They actually inducted The Stick into their Hall in 2008.

The Hall tells us this about The Stick...

Ø It may be the world’s oldest toy.

Ø Even animals play with sticks since we use them to play fetch with our dogs.

Ø Children find sticks an endless source of make-believe fun.

Ø When children pretend with sticks, they cultivate their creativity and develop their imaginations.

Ø Sticks can turn into swords, magic wands, majorette batons, fishing poles, and light sabers.

I would be willing to bet that the above bullets have been Politically Corrected. I say that because I feel certain the word “guns” was removed. This is very likely what the last bullet above originally looked like...

Ø Sticks can turn into swords, guns, magic wands, majorette batons, fishing poles, and light sabers.

The Stick's ability to be used as an imaginary gun is the reason why the United Nations, working hand in hand with our 18% Approval Rated Congress (I just saw where Congress moved up from 11% to 18%), got The Stick outlawed. My sources tell me that it was a unanimous vote because no one had the guts to come to the defense of such a pervasive evil.

I think sticking it to The Stick is the main contributing factor to the dramatic increase in dog suicides worldwide.

Looking past the sad fact that we are losing so many of man's best friends, I think we ought to look on the bright side...

Ø The outlawing of the Stick has had a major effect on bringing down the high unemployment rates that have been dogging our economy for years now.

Ø Millions of formerly unemployed Americans are now gainfully employed walking around the Good Ole USofA picking up sticks in order to get them out of circulation & being paid living wages with money we borrowed from China.

------------------------

I admit there is often Subject Repetition in my Blogging but it has to be that way because Stupid does not go away just because I write a single blog posting exposing it to the world.

On the other hand there is also Subject Variety in my Blog. This Posting proves it. I bet you never would have guessed that you would one day be reading about a United States’ National Toy Hall of Fame.

If you said to me that you did foresee my writing a Blog Posing like this one, I would suspect that you were toying with me.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(544)

Lagniappe: Personally I think Senator Foghorn Leghorn got carried away when he added an Earmark to the Ban the Stick Bill which also banned worldwide use of the phrase, Stick to Your Guns.

The Japanese Ought To Follow Our Lead

My newspaper tells me that Japan is having a Shrinking Population Problem. The crux of the problem is the fact that Japanese women are only having 1.4 children.

Even those of us who are opposed to Abortion are perplexed about what position we should take when a Japanese woman chooses to abort four tenths of a baby.

My news article said, Japan's Shrinking Population Problem is magnified because Out of Wedlock Births are uncommon in Japan.

There where we can be of help in fixing this pressing issue for Japan. We have Out of Wedlock Birthing down to a science.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(113)

What’s The Matter With “A Whole Bunch”?

The forecast for a recent holiday weekend was that 54.7 Million people would be on the highways & byways of the good Ole USofA.

How do they know that it’s going to be such a precise big number?

I heard you try & put me in my rightful place. I heard you say to yourself, "That's easy, Fella, they put a whole bunch of Bureaucrats with clip boards beside every interstate highway, state highway, street & goat path in the Good Ole USofA & counted them as they went by".

Yea, smart guy, I know that's what they (whoever "they" are) do but how do they do it before it is done?

Why did they just not just say, “A Whole Bunch of People Are Going To Be On The Highways & Byways This Coming Weekend”?

I would found that easier to believe.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(156)

Can You Hear Me Now?

Throughout history we have had Ages...Bronze Age, Iron Age, Industrial Age, Middle Ages, Age of Discovery, Age of Enlightenment, Machine Age, Atomic Age, Information Age, etc. Even if you were not as observant as I am, (there is a darn good chance that you are not) you must have noticed that America is deep into The Talking Age.

Cell phone talking people are all around us. They talk while walking. They talk on exercise machine in the gym. They talk on nature trails as they walk along ignoring nature. They talk while at stoplights. They talk while driving down streets, highways & interstates giving a new resurgence to the fear created by Ralph Nader's 1965 book, "Unsafe At Any Speed"...

However, there is a fly in this ointment (whatever that means). The talking people are running out of people to talk to.

It is simply a matter of Supply & Demand. The people they want to talk to are already talking to other people. We are seeing evidence of this growing phenomena every day...

• More & more rescue squads are being sent into the Nature Tails referred to above to bring out stranded walkers who ran out of people to talk to while they were walking. As a society we are finding out that many of us have lost the ability to walk without talking. The rescuers are finding the walkers just standing out there with a look on their faces akin to somewhere between confusion and downright fear. Many times they are found in a severe state of dehydration.
• Some of us find we are unable to push down on the accelerator pedal without first making phone contact with another talking person. Many people have stayed in their garages for hours while the franticly dial every phone number in their address books. Husbands have come home from work only to find their wives weeping uncontrollably with the car in reverse but without the ability to back out of the garage.
• One of the strangest cases of this phenomena happened recently in Altoona, PA. A driver finished a call & had overcome the initial urge to panic between calls & continued to navigate down the road. In an unthinking moment the driver put its phone hand on the steering wheel. The shock of seeing both hands on the steering wheel at the same time cause a panic reflex action & the driver swerved the car off the road. Thankfully the two walking talkers on the sidewalk were not hit but they were very shook up as the car careened past them into a weeping willow tree.

Actually the sainted Steve Jobs saw this unsettling situation coming before he went up to take over God’s Information Technology Department. After his death one of his minions found the plans on his drawing board for a Conversational Siri.

This next generation Siri will be able to hold conversations with the Walking Driving Talking People around the world who find themselves without a listener.

When a talker runs out of people to talk to, for a small fee the panicked talker can call 1-800-SiriYou (800-747-4968) & be connected with Conversational Siri & chat to their heart's content.

Actually, although I did not see it at the time, I was shown a glimpse of Steve Job's genius on my first contact with Siri. I was not sure what the word for Siri was & I mistakenly started my question by saying Sorry instead of Siri. Siri came right back at me & said, "No need to apologize...".

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(640)

Lagniappe: Steve Jobs in the Apple...

Design created by Jonathan Mak is a student at Hong Kong’s Polytechnic University School of Design

(At last count two other "creators" of the logo are lawyering up.)

How Can Dumb Be Considered So Smart?

I'm surrounded by people smarter than I am. It is starting to get to me. I think I know what I think I know but I can't be right because the smart people surrounding me are in positions of power &/or are paid a lot of money, so I must be wrong...Or am I?

Confused by my nifty lead in to this bit of Foolish Wisdom? Good! I have your attention. Allow me to explain.

I have not been very active spewing out my foolishness lately, but while I have been quiet, the world around us has been going nuts.

Amongst all the nuttiness there has been an awful lot of violence. When the world gets into this kind of tiller, the Smart Ones in the News Media explain it all to us.

Example #1 of why Stupid Ain't Smart...

Ø One of the 2 brothers that attacked that Sarcastic Publication in Paris was arrested on suspicion of being a terrorist in 2005.

Ø He was convicted of Terrorism Charges in 2008.

Ø Did you understand what you just read?

Ø I'll repeat... He Was Convicted Of Terrorism Charges.

Ø The French Judicial System Released Him For Time Served While Awaiting The Trail That Convicted Him.

That's right. They went to all the trouble of arresting, holding & convicting so they could let him go free.

Is it possible that the French Judicial System is related to the U.S. Judicial System?

------------------------

Example #2 of why Stupid Ain't Smart...

Ø Over in France there is this guy who is being referred to as the #1 Recruiter for al Qaeda in Paris.

Ø He has been busy doing more than recruiting.

Ø He was convicted of plotting to blow up the U.S. Embassy in Paris.

Ø As a result of his conviction, he was put under House Arrest.

Ø At this time the French Authorities do not know where he is.

Apparently no one checked to see if the house he was arrested into had a back door.

The French Judicial System must be related to the U.S. Judicial System!

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Example #3 of why Stupid Ain't Smart...

I was watching CNN the other day & I heard a Pretty Talking Head ask the following question, "Do you think another attack is possible?"

This mental midget is paid to be Pretty & to Say The News. I believe she is capable of handling both of these responsibilities. She has the Pretty Part Down Pat & Saying The News from a teleprompter ain't that hard.

What I don't think she is capable of doing is thinking. If she were able to think, she would have said, "Do you think another attack is coming before next Thursday?"

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Since this is the Bottom, I will tell you The Bottom Line... The French are getting Real Tough & Real Serious about terrorism now, but before they became Tough & Serious, they were Real Stupid.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(517)

Lagniappe: If Inspector Clouseau were alive, he would be turning over in his grave.

I'm Not Supposed To Be Smart But They Are

"Islamist Hack Hits U.S. Military Accounts; Documents Posted"

Above is the headline of an article in my newspaper on 1/13/15. What the heck is going on? Is there not anything we can believe in anymore?

Think I am overreacting? Here are a few examples from a long & growing list of organizations we no longer believe in...

Ø The Internal Revenue Service

Ø The Secret Service

Ø The Federal Bureau of Investigation

Ø Oregon's Football Team Has Molded Itself Into An Unbeatable Force

The Military is responsible for protecting us from the bad guys. Now we find out that they have been hacked & the article says they may have been hacked by amateurs…"Officials are still examining how the breach occurred. Hackers may simply have guessed a weak password".

There are several key words in the above quote that ought to give all of us pause (whatever that means)...

Ø "Simply"... Simply ought not to come into play when it comes to protecting us from the bad guys.

Ø "Guessed"... What game are we playing here, charades?

Ø "Weak Password"... Weak is not what the Military is supposed to be about. Oh well, don't worry the bad guys are probably weak also... Or are they?

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Now from my, "And Furthermore Department"...

What the heck is our Military doing with Twitter & YouTube Account anyway? This is silly stuff for those of us who have nothing better to do. The Military is supposed to have something better to do.

I must backtrack a bit here because I just saw a Pentagon News Conference and the sadness & distress I saw on General Bombast's face moved me to feel his pain as I heard him say, "I am so disappointed! I was looking forward to sharing with the world that video of my grandchild Hercules as he slid down that chute chute with that big smile on his face as he ate his peanut butter & jelly sandwich".

I can see the cynicism on your collective faces at what I pecked out in the paragraph above. You think I made up General Bombast & his sadness & his distress & the only thing real in that entire paragraph was the existence of the peanut butter & jelly sandwich. You may be right but, if it were true, it would be true.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(457)

Lagniappe: Does it make you uneasy the way I so often say I can read your minds & emotions as I did with my reference to your collective cynicism above? If I were you it would make me uneasy. OK I'll admit I can't read your minds & emotions... Or can I?