If You Want To Get Depressed ... Read This Blog Posting

This from the Internet:

A 35-year-old British man was sentenced to 14 years in jail after he pleaded guilty to convincing minor girls to send him sexual videos of themselves online, according to BBC News.

He reportedly told the young girls, posing as Bieber, that he would be their boyfriend if they stripped for him.

I would be depressed about the future if I read that 5 minor girls sent him sexually explicit videos of themselves...

The true number of videos he received was 800.

Does this information give you hope for the future?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: He got 4 years in jail for the sexual stuff with minors because the learned judge considered that a Minor Offense and 10 years for representing himself as Justin Bieber.

(142)

Technorati Tags: Justin Bieber

Everything We Read In The News Has Been Checked For Accuracy And We Can Be Sure It Is The Absolute Truth

Here are some of the things I read in the news about the July crash of that Asiana Airlines Flight in San Francisco...

• Reported on the News: According to an eye witness the plane was just about to land when the tail of the plane came off.

o Truth: Its tail came off because of the crash.

• Reported on the News: After wobbling for a minute, the aircraft flipped upside down, coming to a stop on the runway on its back.

o Truth: It never flipped upside down and did not end up on its back.

• Reported on the News: Crashed because it was headed into the wind.

o Truth: Planes always try and land into the wind. They land better flying into the wind.

• Reported on the News: Plane may have had only 1 pilot on board.

o Truth: It had two pilots in the cockpit at the time of the crash.

• Reported on the News: Plane overshot the runway.

o Truth: Plane landed short of the runway.

• Reported on the News: It cart wheeled end over end.

o Truth: It never cart wheeled end over end but it spun around.

• Reported on the News: Smoke coming from bottom before it landed.

o Truth: It did not have smoke coming from anywhere before it crashed.

• Reported on the News: Flight was coming in from Taipei, Taiwan.

o Truth: Flight was coming in from Seoul, South Korea.

• Reported on the News: Questions have been raised about whether the pilots recognized that something was wrong quickly enough and did the right thing to fix it.

o The Truth: I would say the answer is “no”.

• Reported in the News: It appears the pilots' efforts in those last few minutes were too little and too late to avert a crash.

o Truth: In St. Anthony of Padua Grammar School we were known to say, “No S**t Sherlock”.

All of the above is due to incompetence and frantic attempts to get the news to us fast. It sort of like the News Mistake Maker getting all indignant and saying, “Well, what do you want Speed or Accuracy? You can always correct inaccuracies, if you get caught, but if you don’t get caught being inaccurate, you have been accurate”.

There was a time when we could believe pictures because... “A picture is proof positive!”

Then Photoshop was invented. If you ever see my head on Arnold Schwarzenegger’s body from 30 years ago, you should not believe that is me underneath my head.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(455)

BuzzNet Tags: Asiana Crash,News Media,News Accuracy

Confused Creatures From Outer Space

Imagine along with me for a moment...

• A space ship from where no man has gone before outer space is hovering above the earth.
• He studies a Human Being and a Dog out for a walk.
• The Dog periodically poops and proudly prances to the end of his leach.
• The Human Being gets down on his hands and knees and picks up the pooped poop and puts it in a poop bag and puts the poop containing bag in his pocket.

The question for you, my dear reader, is...

Which Being Would the Observing Space Creature Think is the Superior Being?

----------------------

I know you are dying for more silliness on this subject, so I will continue on this subject.

My newspaper has informed me that the town in which I reside is having an election to determine which of four candidates will be chosen as Top Dog. Residents in good standing can vote at any one of Five Polling Locations through September 30. The news article tells me and my fellow Duluthians...

“Four Four-Legged Candidates are Vying for the Title of Mayor of Chattapoochee Dog Park”

The Silliness never ends around here. For those of you in Australia who are reading this Blog Posting I should explain that we have a river in these parts named Chattahoochee. The Dog Park is named Chattapoochee! Get it? Are you sorry you got it?

We don’t go throwing around our awards and honors lightly in Georgia. My newspaper explains what qualifies Honey, Marley, Moon Pie and Penny to become eligible for this ballot...

“The candidates were selected based on their Community Involvement, Application Presentation and their Campaign Statements describing their recommendations for Chattapoochee Dog Park”

This is the next sentence after the prior centered bolded sentence. You may think I immediately pecked out this next sentence after pecking out the prior centered bolded sentence. Actually it has been about five minutes between the two sentences. After I pecked out the silliness about Involvement, Presentation and Statements I ran out into the street and shouted as loud as I could, “What the heck is wrong with us?!” (Yes, you are right, I did not say “heck”.)

The Dogs are winning! I think Congress ought to pass a law that would say that any About To Be Dog Buyer has to watch a Computerized Presentation that would inform him of such things as...

• A picture of how much poop will have to be picked up in the years to come.
• The amount of money that will be spent on Dog Accessories of All Kinds, Vets Bills, Rug Cleaning, Food, Replacement of Furniture and Over Night Stays in the Pouchie Palace. (I am sure there are a myriad of expenses I missed but you get my drift.)
• The numbers of hours that will be spent having the Dog lead the buyer around the neighborhood.
• A footnote ought to be included to show the tabulation of the number of hours in the above bullet that were spent in the rain or snow or middle of the night.
• The number of times formerly friendly neighbors will knock on your door accusing your Dog of pooping on their lawns.
• The number of arguments in his household that will occur about whose turn it is to walk the Dog.
• The numbers of times you will shout at your Dog to stop barking at everything from Falling Leaves to Joggers to your 96 Year Old Neighbor pushing her Walker Down the Sidewalk.

It’s those ears! They hear everything! If we used to be able to put a man on the moon, why have we not invented Ear Plugs for Dogs?

Have you wondered why Dogs have such complete control over their “Masters”? I know why and you are about to know why, after you read the sentence below...

Dog Spelled Backwards Is God

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(664)

43 Things Tags: Creatures Fro Outer Space,Dogs,Chattapoochee

My Requests To Our News Media

Now that Major Nidal Hasan has been convicted of every charge brought against him except throwing out the baby with the bath water, I would like to ask our Crack News Media to stop referring to him as the “Alleged Perpetrator”.

If the above request is granted, I would like to follow up that request with one that asks the News Media to stop referring to the 13 Dead and 31 Wounded as “Alleged Victims”.

The above 2 paragraphs are a complete blog posting (without the “Would I kid u?”) but the late Paul Harvey just paid me another visit and asked me to tell you The Rest of the Story...

Just when I thought that Hasan was about to get what’s coming to him in an expeditious manner, I read that we are now into the Automatic Appeal Phase of his saga. Then just when I thought to myself that ought to take a couple of days, I read that the Automatic Appeal Phase could take decades.

There you go again thinking I am not very good at pecking at a computer. You think this because you are thinking I must have inadvertently pecked out “decades” instead of “weeks”. You are wrong about me being wrong. No, I am not confused. I got “decades” right. It is our Military Justice System that is making the mistakes.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: It could be worse. He could have been tried in our Civilian Judicial System where his trial would not be complete for another 14 years and, after being convicted and incarcerated for life, he would be released in 7 years with a written apology for making him stay in prison so long.

(290)

Wanna Meet A Fool? ... Meet Me

I keep saying I am Smart. Now I say I am dumb. Why the change? Allow me to demonstrate how smart I am by proving how dumb I am.

Our radio waves are full of advertisements from companies claiming to be capable of standing between you and the Internal Revenue Service and deflecting its attacks on you and beating it into submission.

These services never mention a fee but there must be a fee but I am sure it is not much ... Or am I? ... because they sound so sincerely concerned about the beleaguered Tax Payer’s well being and happiness.

Here are a few of the claims made by these wonderful organizations...

• Client's Total Liability to IRS: $6,878,404
  Settlement: $0
  Savings: $6,878,404 (100%)
• Client's Total Liability to IRS: $27,900
  Settlement: $1,200
  Savings: $26,700 (96%)
• Clients Total Liability to IRS: $212,555
  Settlement: $2,400
  Savings: $210,155 (99%)
• Clients Total Liability to IRS: $94,000
  Settlement: $2,046
  Savings: $91,954 (98%)
• Clients Total Liability to IRS: $304,231
  Settlement: $73.00
  Savings: $304,158 (99%)
• Client's Total Liability to IRS: $87,000
  Settlement: $1,500
  Savings: $85,500 (98%)
• Client's Total Liability to IRS: $500,000
  Settlement: $10,000
  Savings: $490,000 (98%)

Do you get my drift in my Subject Line Question above? I am obviously dumb because I have always paid my taxes. The question for you, my dear reader, is... Are you as dumb as the Smartfella?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(248)

IceRocket Tags: IRS

The Most Beautiful Woman In The World

I read on the Internet that Gwyneth Paltrow has been declared the Most Beautiful Woman in the World by the people who go around declaring such things.

The Smartfella has nothing against Gwyneth but that could be because I hardly know who she is, other than she is a Movie Star Celebrity. That may be a fair trade off because Gwyneth does not know who I am either.

Why did the Most Beautiful Woman in the World Selection Committee decide that they would only look at Hollywood Celebrities to find someone to put on their Silly Pedestal?

What about?...

• Sally Watkins in Peoria, IL? ... Everyone who she rings up at her Wal-Mart checkout counter thinks she is a knockout.
• Lilly Mae Gillcot in St. Louis, MO? ... Every patron at the zoo is amazed at how dazzling she is as she tends to the African Lions she takes care of. If the Lions could, they would give their vote to Lilly Mae every time and not even give Gwyneth a second glance.
• The Girl from Ipanema? ... She may be a little past her prime but she was Tall and Tan and Young and Lovely and besides...

Gwyneth never had a Song of the Year named after her.

The Girl has had the Second Most Recorded Song in the history of songs sung about her. Gwyneth can’t say the same.

No song written about Gwyneth was ever chosen to be in Library of Congress.

Rather than come up with one of his Smart Alec closings to this Foolishness Posting the Smartfella has decided to just let you listen and enjoy a couple of Boys singing about The Girl...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=NldPFVKYmiw

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(299)

del.icio.us Tags: Ipanema,Sinatra,Antônio Carlos Jobim,Gwyneth Paltrow,Astrud Gilberto

If You Want To Have Your Beliefs Reinforced, Make Sure You Read News Articles From Sources That Reinforce Your Beliefs

Contrary to what your first impression might be, this is not a Blog Posting that is For or Against our President’s Syrian Chemical Weapons Position.

It is simply my valiant attempt to advise you to read from sources that believe as you believe, so that you will know that you are right.

First Major News Publication Outlet...

ST. PETERSBURG, Russia - U.S. President Barack Obama resisted pressure on Friday to abandon plans for air strikes against Syria and enlisted the support of 10 fellow leaders for a "strong" response to a chemical weapons attack.

Obama refused to blink after Russian President Vladimir Putin led a campaign to talk him out of military intervention at a two-day summit of the Group of Twenty developed and developing economies in St. Petersburg.

He persuaded nine other G20 nations plus Spain to join the United States in signing a statement calling for a strong international response, although it fell short of supporting military strikes, underscoring the deep disagreements that dominated the summit.

What this article teaches you...

• Our President is a man of conviction... “resisted pressure”.
• Our President is able to get others to follow his lead... “enlisted the support of 10 fellow leaders for a "strong" response”.
• Our President holds firm to his convictions... “refused to blink”.
• Our President is able to get others to follow his lead... “persuaded nine other G20 nations plus Spain to join the United States in signing a statement”.
• Our President is tough... “calling for a strong international response”.

Second Major News Publication Outlet...

ST. PETERSBURG, Russia—President Barack Obama fell short in his bid to rally international support for a U.S. military strike on Syria, failing to overcome divisions at a summit of world leaders before flying home to face skeptics in Congress and the American public.

The lobbying blitz calling for a "strong international response" to Syria's alleged use of chemical weapons against rebels showed little sign of changing the minds of world leaders—some of whom took that phrase to mean "military action."

Mr. Obama's push also gained little ground in building a coalition to politically isolate Russian President Vladimir Putin, the summit host and one of the Syrian regime's chief allies and protectors.

What this article teaches you...

• Our President is not able to get others to follow his lead... “fell short in his bid to rally international support.”
• Our President is in trouble in his own country... “before flying home to face skeptics in Congress.”
• Our President is not able to get others to follow his lead... “lobbying blitz calling for a "strong international response" to Syria's alleged use of chemical weapons against rebels showed little sign of changing the minds of world leaders.”
• Our President can’t stand up successfully to the Russian President... “also gained little ground in building a coalition to politically isolate Russian President.”

These news articles were published the same day about the same prior day’s meeting in Russia.

As I stated above, you must choose your sources. The best way to reinforce your own beliefs is to read the source that supports your beliefs last. If you get confused and read the one that does not support your own beliefs last then simply go back and read the first one again. This will then become the last one you read and you will know that you are right in holding on to your Deep-Seated and Long-Held Beliefs.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(603)

Flickr Tags: Syria,Russian President,President Obama

Bunch Of Pleasant Fellows With Bombs

If we dropped flowers on the bad guys, they would certainly like us better … Or would they?

Have you noticed the current series of ads by the U.S. Navy running on TV? If you have not noticed, this Blog Posting is about to inform you about what has been happening on your TV while you were out getting a beer.

The U.S. Navy has a whole lot of ships, planes and bombs that can wreak havoc if called upon to float around the world to do some havoc wreaking. That appears to be their mission of the past. Now their mission is ... Ah ... Uh ... I’m not sure what their mission is.

The words used at the end of two U.S. Navy commercials are what have caught my attention...

America’s Navy ... A Force For Good

While I agree that blowing up things and people that are trying to kill us all is a pretty good good, I am not sure this is what the commercial wordsmiths were intending to convey with the use of the word “good” in the above example.

&

Committed To Excellence and the Fair Treatment of All

I started to write something glib about “Fair Treatment” but I found I was glibless. I know “glibless” is not a word but that is what I am feeling about all of this, so I’ll leave it in.

I will know my concerns are valid if I start seeing these kinds of tag lines for other branches of our Fighting Forces...

• Army ... Army Strong But Compassionate
• Air Force ... Understanding From Above
• Marines ... A Few Nice Men

I’ve decided I am right to fret over all of this Goodness, Fairness, Compassion, Understanding and Niceness because I read a news article the other day which told me that Admiral Bull Halsey has been turning over in his grave.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(326)

LiveJournal Tags: Navy,Air Force,Marines,Army,Commercials

Allow Me To Make It Up To You

That last Foolishness...Or Is It? was very long. Allow me to make it up to you with a short one...

My newspaper tells me that 2 very famous Hollywood Celebrities are separating from each other and living apart in order to “work on their marriage”.

That’s the way celebrities “work” on their marriages. Out here in the real world we go out for a pizza and a couple of beers to work on our marriages.

Since Hollywood Celebrities are known to be smarter than we are, that means they know how to fix marriages and we don’t… Or do we don’t?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(115)

Technorati Tags: Hollywood,Divorce

I Agree That Your Position Is The Correct One And, Since My Position Is Opposite To Your Position, That Proves That My Position Is Right

This bullet points listed below in this Blog Posting were gleaned from an article about the NSA Spying Scandal published on 8/21/13. If you want to read all of it, click here: http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/08/22/us-usa-security-nsa-idUSBRE97K14Y20130822

If you do take the time to read the article, you will no doubt (see how smart I know my dear readers to be?) notice the following key excerpts...

• “unintentionally collected as many as 56,000 emails of Americans per year between 2008 and 2011 in a program that a secret U.S. court (Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act of 1978 ... Note the word “foreign”.) subsequently said may have violated U.S. law and the Constitution”
• “the third instance in less than three years in which the government has disclosed a substantial misrepresentation regarding the scope of a major collection program”
• “October 2011 ruling that the court (FISA) had concluded that the process that resulted in improper collections of the tens of thousands of emails was in some respects, deficient on statutory and constitutional grounds”

It appears that the NSA is not denying the allegations underlined above but then the article had this to say: “Intelligence officials, speaking on condition of anonymity, defended their practices”.

The article clarified this matter further...

The emails in question represent only a small slice of the electronic communications scooped up around the world by the NSA. It targets about 250 million email communications for collection each year and, under a separate program, has captured and kept records of millions of phone calls by Americans.

The 250 million emails (plus millions of phone calls) admitted to in the above paragraph is described as follows... “Not An Egregious Overreaching”.

The reason our Federal Government can say this is Not An Egregious Overreaching is because of the Congressional Bunch of Things Grading System...

• Anything less than 250 million of anything is a Drop in the Bucket.
• Exactly 250 million is Not Egregious.
• Anything over 250 million is Egregious.

Are you confused? I’m confused because they apparently don’t deny the bad things they did and they agree the bad things are bad things but they defend the bad things as good things.

Washington D.C. jargon what they are saying is...

Yes we did it. Yes it was wrong to do it.

but

That which we did, which was wrong, was right.

Need more examples of Washington D.C. Jargon?...

• I got my gun, took careful aim at him and shot him in the chest but I did not mean to hurt him.
• Yes I agree fully that what I testified to was a ball faced lie but, if it were true, it would be true.
• I understand that as a Member of Congress I keep voting myself raises far in access of what is available to the minions outside of Congress but you must understand that I have a very wasteful lifestyle and I keep running out of money.

Did I clarify this issue for you? If so, I’m glad I could help.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(534)

BuzzNet Tags: Congressional Budget Office,NSA,Domestic Spying,FISA

Let’s Hear It For The Brits!

There you go jumping to erroneous conclusions. You are thinking to yourself that I am going to point this blog posting at the fact that today the House of Commons voted down British action against Syria. You ought to know me better than that. Such a blog would be too blatantly political for the Smartfella.
What caught my eye today was the House of Commons Debate itself. Allow me to contrast British Debating with what we see in our 12 Percentage Point Approval Rated House and Senate...

British House of Commons

The chamber was alive with the members and the debate that was consuming them. They we all paying attention to what was going on. They were quietly murmuring approval when they agreed with what was being said and jeering disapproval when they disagreed. From what I have seen over the years this is the way they always are.

U.S. House & Senate

CSPAN is there. CSPAN lets us see all that is going on. To accomplish this task CSPAN does not have to move the camera. The only thing that is going on is the speaker poking holes in the air with his finger. The few occasions that the camera is turned to show the chamber it shows that the chamber is empty.

Our guys don’t seem to care what is being said in there when it is not them that is saying it. They come in shortly before it is time for them to speak. They leave once they have delivered their pre-prepared words of wisdom.

The most unsettling aspect of what they do while they are representing us up there is what they say as they finish, “I Reserve the Right to Revise and Extend My Remarks”. I sure hope this does not mean that they can change what they did say and insert into the record things that they did not say. Please tell me that’s not what that phrase means.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella

43 Things Tags: Syria,House of Commons,Congressional Budget Office,House,Senate,CSPAN

We Could Save A Lot Of Time

We could save a lot of time if only each one of my dear readers would come over to my house each morning and read the newspaper over my shoulder as I read my newspaper.

OK, I know that is not possible so you will have to continue reading about what I read by reading Foolishness...Or Is It’s. Not a bad way to spend a small part of your day... Or is it?

My newspaper recently told me another reason why I am glad I am old and retired. That reason is I am not out in the working world of today experiencing what they are experiencing and being required to act as if I understand the “Changes for the Better” that are constantly raising their ugly collective heads.

Here is the headline of the article that caused me to start pecking out this bit of Foolishness...

Beer on Fridays. Pets In The Office. Weekly Yoga.

I will direct this Foolishness to Pets In The Office...

In the Old Days: I would be confronted with tears and/or requests to write a rebuttal when I wrote up an employee in the Areas for Improvement Section of their Performance Appraisal as follows, “Breaks pencil points in pencil sharpener because puts too much inward pressure on pencils.”

In the Now Days: I would be confronted with tears, demands to write a rebuttal and/or their lawyer’s business card when I wrote up an employee in the Areas for Improvement Section of their Performance Appraisal, as follows...

• “Need to counsel with your Cute Little Doggie about its Interdoggie Relationships with other doggies because it is apparently not very well liked by many of its Doggiepeers”.

or

• “Your Cute Little Doggie ought to stop pooping on the office floor whenever the Monthly Sales Figures show a decline”.

or

• “I have noticed that, every time you are on the verge of coming up with a really big idea, you go outside to take your Cute Little Doggie for a walk and, when you return, your fellow workers have reported to me that you sit down and say to yourself, “Where was I? Oh darn, I lost it! Now I have to start all over again!”

Let’s not leave Organized Protests out this discussion...

• I would find myself having to deal with Associate (FKA: Employee) Work Stoppages (FKA: Strikes) because of the unavailability of an adequate supply of Lysol Wipes, Small Plastic Shovels, Latex Gloves, Plastic Bags and/or Paper Towels.

If you are one of My Dear Readers who is still working, please don’t despair. You will be old and retired before you know it.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(453)

IceRocket Tags: Pets,Perks,Dogs

Thank Heaven! Here Comes The Good Guys!

Bob Dylan sang to us in 1964

The Times They Are A-Changin’

Allow your Mind’s Eye to wander with me for a few minutes...

You are on duty in a Convenience Store at 3AM. You are getting dozy when three customers walk into your store. You are jolted into wide-awake consciousness. You are suddenly on edge because of the danger that you may be confronted with in the next few minutes.

What would make you the most nervous, the entrance of...

Three Hells Angles?

Or

Three Teenagers?

If you have been watching or reading the news lately, you know what prompted this probing question.

John Wayne is dead. Watch your back out there.

I wish I were kidding u.

Smartfella

del.icio.us Tags: Hells Angels,Bob Dylan

Life Is A Delicate Balance

Have you ever taken notice of how we are covered up with Medical Warnings?

Actually, the above sentence is an incomplete sentence. The complete sentence is, Have you ever taken notice how we are covered up with Medical Warnings ... of things that we were once told were bad for us but which have now been reclassified as good for us?

The opposite is equally true, there are a lot of things that we were once told were good for us but now have been reclassified as bad for us.

There are lots of examples...

• Coffee (was bad but now good)
• Fish Oil Capsules (were good but now bad)
• Butter (was bad but now good)
• Margarine (was good but now bad)
• Eggs (were bad but now good)
• Liver (was good but now bad)

The Health Warning/Advice below just might be of more interest to some of you than all 6 of the Good/Bad/Bad/Good Examples I listed above...

Moderate alcohol drinkers gain less weight over time than people who abstain from drinking alcohol completely.

As the subject of this Foolishness stated above, Life Is A Delicate Balance. If you heed this warning, you just might end up being an Overweight Alcoholic before you find out that this is another one off the long list of erroneous health warning that the future will correct for us.

It may take even longer for this warning to be corrected because the people who issued this the warning have since become Overweight Alcoholics and have not been spending much time in their research labs since they started buying elastic belts to wear to Happy Hour.

Even worse than all of the above, are the warnings that told us, if we did something, we would die. Think of all the people who did as instructed and died of something that the Medical Community later decided was not really deadly. I bet those Dutiful Deceased are really mad that they got dead when what they died of was not really a problem after all.

I hope I did not confuse you. If I did, this would be the first time that a Foolishness...Or Is It? has done that to you... Or would it be?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(374)

Flickr Tags: Alcoholics,Health Warnings

Dear Head RNC Guy, Are You Sure You Know What You Are Doing?

The head of the Republican National Committee has taken dramatic action against both the CNN and NBC News Networks. He is angry with them because they are both planning to run programs prior to the 2016 Election praising Hillary Clinton.

CNN is planning to run a Biopic slated to run in 2014 and NBC is going to run a Biographical Film in 2015. He is really playing hardball because he is going to bar these two networks from participation in the GOP Debates leading up to the Presidential Election.

The Smartfella believes that his calculation about the harm this barring will do to these two networks is not well thought out and flawed to the point where it will have no negative effect on them at all.

I have my sources and my sources are never wrong. My sources tell me that the two networks are both planning to run episodes of Big Bang Theory opposite the airing of the GOP Presidential Debates.

They are sure to dominate the viewers using this strategy. I don’t want to come down too hard on the Head GOP Guy but he should have seen this coming.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

LiveJournal Tags: Hillary Clinton,Biopic,Biographical Film,Reince Priebus,CNN,NBC News

I Am Tired Of Being Right So Often ... Or Am I?

Back in April 2008 I blogged this bit of Foolishness...

Princess Diana Will Never Die

What a great purchase! I now own a genuine crystal ball certified by the FDA, the American Medical Association, the CIA and Gypsies Are People Too, Inc. It really works. I am so pleased.

I gave it an initial tryout and looked to the year 2108. The ball told me that the 716th trial and/or hearing and/or investigation into the death of Princess Diana has ruled that she was killed in an accident in a Paris street tunnel while being chased by paparazzi in an automobile driven by a drunken limo driver. That’s the same verdict that was rendered in the prior 715 trials and/or hearings and/or investigations into how she died.

The article goes on to further state that the ruling will be appealed with the money coming from a Perpetual Appeal Trust Fund that was set up by the late Mohamed Fayed, the father of Diana's boyfriend at the time of her death.

Would I kid u?

It is now August 2013 and like the guy who jumped off of a 14 story building who said as he passed floor number 7, “So far so good”, my Diana Forever Prediction is right on target.

Now we are being instructed by our various News Organizations that we must get excited about Diana Being Murdered!...

Princess Diana Death Probe: British Media Reports Allegation That Royal's Death Was No Accident

If you want to read the entire article, you can go to this link: http://gma.yahoo.com/princess-diana-death-probe-british-media-reports-allegation-170105344--abc-news-topstories.html?vp=1

If not, here are some Tidbits...

• She was murdered by British Special Forces.
• The whole thing was covered up by everyone in the British Government including that Baby Prince who was born last month.
• The Metropolitan Police Service is involved in the investigation.
• Scotland Yard is involved but says they are not doing a re-investigation but are simply “scoping” out the allegations.
• The Specialist Crime and Operations Command is involved in the investigation.
• The Baby Prince is involved in the investigation.
• Mohammad al Fayed the father of Dodi al Fayed (Diana’s boyfriend) is saying, “I told you so”.
• Catchy phrases like “unlawful killing”, “grossly negligent driving”, “shocking allegations”, “sensational claims”, “conspiracy”, “murder” and “red-hot story” are again being thrown about.
• This new allegation came from the estranged parents of the wife of a former intelligence operative (otherwise known as hearsay about hearsay).

As usual the Smartfella will try and speak sanity to our insane world...

Can you imagine how many people would have to be in on such a murder conspiracy? In this day and age when everyone is spilling the beans about everything, does anyone really believe that one of the umpteen people that would have had to be involved to pull this murder off would not have tweeted this story, wrote a book about this story, posted on his FaceBook Wall or met in a downtown garage in the middle of the night to fill in Bob Woodward about all the juicy details?

The Smartfella just put on his Predicting the Future Hat and here is what I see...

After all this is over the temporary final determination will be that Princess Diana was killed in an accident in a Paris street tunnel while being chased by paparazzi in an automobile driven by a drunken limo driver.

I would think that Alex Rodriguez is looking around, after seeing all this Diana Consternation, and saying, “Hey! What about me?”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(606)

Technorati Tags: Princess Diana,Conspiracy,Paparazzi,Scotland Yard

Legal Happenings I Will Never See Happen But I Wish I Would

Just read in my Newspaper the following, “began what could be a lengthy legal battle”.

Do you see what’s bothering me? Why not? It ought to be bothering you. It is right in front of you. Oh well, this is why you have me.

Everything legal takes too long. I would love to see the following legal proceedings become commonplace in courtrooms throughout the Good Ole USofA...

• The judge sets aside part of Thursday afternoon to handle this very important issue.
• Since the matter before the courts is of long lasting legal significance, it is certain to take a wee bit of court time to get it resolved.
• A judge telling the attorneys that they had both made excellent opening arguments but advising them that each took 10 minutes and they ought to cut it down next time, that they were now going to break for lunch and when they return they would wrap the case up in time for happy hour.

I’m sure the lawyers reading this Wee Bit of Foolishness are saying to their collective selves...

Smartfella, you do not understand. Any issue that is brought into court ought to be properly obfuscated, dissected and twisted so that our clients can be assured that they have their Constitutionally Guaranteed right to receive that which they do not deserve.

Faced with such unassailable Lawyer Logic the Smartfella would feel properly put in his place and would readily admit he was sorry he had ever brought this issue up... Or would he?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(274)

Technorati Tags: Lawyers,Legal System,Judicial System

Petri-Burgers ... Part Two

Yesterday I published my blog about that Petri-Dish Beef Burger on the verge of being eaten in Europe. Yesterday there was also a news article in my local newspaper that would have told me (and you through me) that the burger had already been eaten. I did not read my newspaper yesterday. Please forgive me.

The link to my posting is (if you want to read it as a refresher): http://www.forii.blogspot.com/2013/08/save-world-go-out-and-shoot-cow.html

If I had read the news article in a more timely fashion, I would have known that the world has bigger fish to fry about this imitation beef burger. For many Jews, Muslims and Hindus, the first question is whether their faith allows them to eat this kind of beef.

I don’t know much of why the Muslims and Hindus are concerned but my newspaper did explain to me why there is much consternation in the Jewish Community about whether the patty is Kosher or not.

It seems that the Jewish Faith says a beef burger cannot be Kosher unless the cow in question had had its throat slit while it was still conscious. You probably just jumped the gun and shouted at your computer, “Hey Smartfella, there was no cow in that petri-dish to have its throat slit”.

Actually the Stem Cells that were put into that Petri-Dish did come from a cow that was once live. The burning question is, were the stem cells that grew in the Petri-Dish from a cow that was nervously looking left and right at the moment its throat was slit?

The Smartfella is of a mind to say that we really do have bigger fish to fry than this issue. We still have to come to grips with the likes of...

• What are we going to do about Lindsay Lohan?
• Should baseball players who do not use Performance Enhancing Drugs be allowed to use flat bats to even things up with those who do use PEDs?
• Should couples who are not gay be allowed to refer to themselves as married?

I’m sure glad I was destined from birth to be the Smartfella. If I were responsible for seriously addressing such thorny issue as these, I might go off the deep end and start pecking out things that really did not make sense...Or do I?

Would I Kid u?

Smartfella

(398)

BuzzNet Tags: Petri-Dish Burgers,Performance Enhancing Drugs,Kosher

Save The World! ... Go Out And Shoot A Cow!

I read an article in my newspaper entitled...

Scientists to Cook World’s First In-Vitro Beef Burger

It seems that 2 scientists over in Europe have been working for years trying to grow beef in labs in petri dishes. They have gotten to the point where they have grown enough beef to cook a Beef Burger. They are about to make up a patty, fry it in a pan and 2 volunteers stand ready to chow down.

The scientists are apparently trying to save the world with this experiment. Do you think I got carried away with this “save the world” comment? The scientists would contend that I was right on target.

They are saying this about the importance of their experiment...

Success would mean not just a tasty burger, but also the prospect of finding a sustainable, ethical and environmentally friendly alternative to meat production.

Did I just hear you say to yourself, “What’s so wrong with meat production?” I don’t want to come down too hard on you, dear reader, but it is this type of antiquated thinking that has held back real progress since God, or The Big Bang, invented the Human Race. Their contention is that Meat Production is one of the most evil happenings that has ever happened since Adam noticed that Eve was quite attractive.

The above far reaching statements did not just come from the silly mind of the Smartfella. According to a 2006 report by the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization...

Industrialized agriculture contributes on a “massive scale” to climate change, air pollution, land degradation, energy use, deforestation and biodiversity decline.

During WW2 a lot of bullets and bombs were directed at the competing forces. Imagine how much better off we all would be today if all those ballistics had been directed at cows.

It is just a shame that we were not as enlightened during WW2 as we are today. If we had been, we could have stopped a lot of cows dead in their tracks before they had their way with us and we could have turned that awful war into a thing of beauty.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(357)

43 Things Tags: Biodiversity,Climate Change,Air Pollution,Land Degeneration,Energy Use,Deforestation

Cars Banned On Colosseum Street ... Well It’s About Time!

My newspaper tells me that the Mayor of Rome is Pedestrianizing the busy street that cuts through Rome’s Ancient Forum to the Colosseum.

A lot of Romans are mad at him but that’s another story. This Blog Posting is going to concentrate on why my Newspaper thinks this street is Historically Significant.

I am fairly certain that in the long history of Rome there have been some awe-inspiring happenings on Colosseum Street but my Newspaper does not think they are as noteworthy as the one I will tell you about later in this Blog Posting.

Here are a few truly significant historical events that my newspaper overlooked...

• Remus What’s His Name returned from conquering everything in sight.
• Camillus the Great marched his troops into the Senate threw out all the bums that he found in there (it just so happened that the number of bums he found was equal to the number of Senators he found in there).
• Aurelian the Pretty Great made that speech that rallied the people of Rome to go out and put a stop to that Elephant Guy from Africa.

My newspaper does not think that any of the above obviously significant historical events is very important. My newspaper thinks Colosseum Street is most famous for...

...a route immortalized by Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck’s scooter ride in the 1953 film Roman Holiday.

As I have always said...

Everyone Is Entitled To His Own Stupid Opinion & That Includes My Newspaper

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(264)

43 Things Tags: Colosseum Street,Colosseum,Rome,Audret Hepburn,Gregory Peck,Roman Holiday