That Was Then … This Is Now

Now that The Ten Commandments have been officially changed to The Ten Interesting Suggestions is it okay to hang these Suggestions in our courthouses?

Would I kid u?

Coming To The Defense Of Our Congress

I just read a columnist’s opinion piece in which he took the position that our Congress cannot do two things at the same time.

It must really be hard to be a conscientious member of The Congress of the United States of America and be really trying to do your best while constantly being under attack by an ungrateful public…

• I honestly believe that this commentator is being too harsh on our hard working Congress.
• Our Congress has on more than one occasion demonstrated its ability to multitask.
• The most recent example is their valiant attempts to reduce its own Wasteful Spending while, at the same time, voting to throw away lots more of our tax payer funds on New Forms of Wasteful Spending.

Did you really think I was going to come to their defense?

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

His Plan Once Was Going To Be My Plan. It Was A Great Plan But Now It Is A Terrible Plan.

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

In past years I was a Fly on the Wall specializing in walls that belonged to Politicians Running for Office.
It was a lot of fun and immensely informative. If you are ever given the opportunity to be Political Fly, I recommend you jump at the chance (be sure to keep one of your many fly eyes looking out for swatters).
My years as a fly taught me that Political Runners always take different positions from other Political Runners. They feel that they must do this. They have to set themselves apart.
Many times they end up with positions on issues that are hard to defend but, in their small minds, it is better to be different than to be understood.
If they get into trouble, they know they can always change the subject or answer a different question.
All of the above has been a set up to this Foolishness…Or Is It? below is the meat of this posting … Are you excited?
Here is how it works…

• A Political Runner has an Opposing Runner who was an extremely successful businessman, has been a Senator for two and a half terms, is so popular that every member of the congress attends his birthday party every year and fights for the honor of taking to the podium to praise his talents and proclaim their admiration for him, is a war hero and is the loving father of 7 children all of whom are doctors and lawyers who do not take salaries but have devoted their lives to treating and representing the poor and downtrodden.
• The Political Runner’s campaign ads refer to the Opposing Runner as “The Dummy”.
• The Opposing Runner has just announced a Bullet-Proof Plan That Will Fix All Of The Ills Of The Good Ole USofA In Six Weeks.
• The Political Runner is really upset because … word for word … this is the exact same plan that the Political Runner was about to announce as his own plan.
• The Political Runner quickly comes up with a different plan.
• Throughout their Campaign War Room the Political Runner’s Staff are saying, “Our guy’s new plan will not work nearly as well as The Dummy’s plan and will probably send the country spiraling into another Great Depression but that’s the way it has to be because we have to separate ourselves”.
• The Political Runner fully agrees with his staff’s prediction about the next Great Depression but he says to himself, “I have no choice. I have to be different”.
• The Political Runner and his campaign staff then spend the next three hours before Happy Hour starts coming up with Half Truths, Nit Picks, Outright Lies and Obfuscations about The Dummy’s Bullet-Proof Plan That Will Fix All Of The Ills Of The Good Ole USofA In Six Weeks.

Am I being too cynical?
Would I kid u?
NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

Lying Is Bad … Or Is It?

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

Roger Clements is in deep trouble for Lying To Congress.

I’m confused again…

Why do we get so upset about someone who has Lied To Congress but Lying While In Congress is considered to be nothing more than a Pre-Happy Hour Activity?

Would I kid u?

What’s Wrong With Us? … (I may have used this Foolishness Title before but I’ve got to use again it because IT IS A PERFECT FIT!)

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends or enemies about it on Facebook or Twitter.

Maybe I could have called this posting … What’s Wrong With Us Part 2? Actually, the way the world around us is coming apart there will very likely be Parts 3 & 4 & 5 & ?.

Is anyone out there reading Ernest Hemingway or Plato or any kind of History Book?

I am agitated this time about  Twitter or Tweeting and/or those who proudly proclaim, “I am a twit and proud of it”.

What really caught my attention was the sheer volume of people (called “followers”) who spend their time reading about what celebrities pump out via their Twitter Sites.

I have found a web site that quantifies how many Followers are out there reading their celebrities’ last Tweet and/or anxiously waiting for the next Tweet. What this all means is I wasted my time finding out about all the people who are wasting their time.

Here are the Top Two Twitter Sites and how many Followers each has:

• Lady Gaga has 13,178,568.
• Justin Bieber has 12,347,684.

(Conservative Voters Take Note: As of August 1, 2011 Michele Bachmann and Mitt Romney have yet to go over 100,000.)

Can these Followers really believe that their Celebrities are sitting at their computers or stabbing at their smart phones to send to them their inner most thoughts, feelings and concerns?

To my way of thinking, the Celebs don’t even hire humans to tweet to their adoring public for them. They probably have computer programs that generate a myriad of feel good nonsense.

Things like the following are making Twit’s Hearts all over the Good Ole USofA skip a beat…

• I just had a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Boy was that good!
• Today I went to the beach in my new bikini. OMG! I really caused a ruckus!
• I went shopping today on Rodeo Drive. I bought a $7,000 necklace. I can’t wait to go out tonight and knock ‘em dead at Chez Louie Restaurant!
• I just had a Jelly and Peanut Butter Sandwich. Boy was that good!

Shaquille O’Neal has 4,274,939 Followers. When he decided to retire he did it through his Twitter Account. He actually told his fans that he wanted them to be “first to know” of his decision.

First to Know?

I wonder if each of the 4,274,939 felt that Shaquille thought they were so special that  he had sent them a personal Tweet straight from his big heart and that he personally pecked out his Tweet with his own big fingers.

Can’t you just hear each of the Twits saying to himself, “He did not tell anyone but me”.

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

Girlie Men & Proud Of It…Or Are They?

Please note the Gadget on the left called “Share it”. If you are entertained by this Foolishness Posting (or one in the future), use “Share it” to tell your friends about it on Facebook or Twitter.

There are times when I get the feeling that I don’t understand anything.

I have repeatedly seen a TV Commercial that shows a hairy man using the advertised little shaving product removing hair from his arms and his chest. He is smiling. He seems happy to be de-hairing himself on camera. There is no evidence that anyone is holding a gun to his head.

What’s wrong with my fellow American Males? We should be proud of our hair. We he-men once knew that Hairs R Us.

God in heaven probably has been confused by a lot of the things done by mankind over the eons but this one must have him as perplexed as any of his creation’s other bumbling. If he has a drawing board, he has probably gone back to it.

However, there is an opportunity here for entrepreneurs to make money. If men are shaving off hair, why not sell the idea that women ought to put on hair?

Can’t you just hear the “Only On TV” ads touting women buying clumps of paste-on hair? …

“But wait! Buy now and we will send you two, yes two, of our finest discarded hair Paste-On Clumps. This hair was caught as it fell from a hair discarding male before it hit the ground by the Hollywood Celebrity of Your Choice. Don’t wait. Quantities are limited because some of these girlie men appear to be having second thoughts about what the heck they are doing. Get your Girlie Clumps now before the Girlie Men come to their senses.”

John Wayne is dead.

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

If Roger Miller Were Alive, He Would Turn Over In His Grave

Considering what has been happening in England lately, do you think ole Roger could stand up in front of us today and sing…

England swings like a pendulum do

Bobbies on bicycles two by two

Westminster Abbey

The Tower of Big Ben

The rosy red cheeks of the little children

I saw in the paper while everything was coming apart over there there was consideration of giving the police new “powers” to combat the lawlessness.

If this new “power” sounds a little silly to you that means your head is screwed on correctly.

The “power” under consideration was the authority to tell masked looters, rioters, arsonists, muggers or vandals that they had to take off their masks.

This started my foolishness juices flowing. Does this mean that it is only against the law in England to loot, riot, set things on fire, mug or vandalize if you are wearing a mask?

Carrying the Foolishness…Or Is It? further, once that the mask had been removed, would English Bad Persons then have been allowed to continue with the evil deeds that they had chosen that day’s activity?

Would I kid u?

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

Talking Heads & Pundits … Dumb & Dumber

I copied the excerpts below from a news article about the Chinook Crash a short while back. It got me very agitated.

I always get agitated at Talking Heads and Pundits when they try to sound like experts while having no expertise except their mouths and/or their word processors.

The “Allen” in the quote below is an U.S. Army General...

“Allen defended the decision to send in the Chinook loaded with special operations forces to pursue insurgents escaping from the weekend firefight with Army Rangers in a dangerous region of Wardak province of eastern Afghanistan.”

• Are they upset because they were going after the bad guys? That's what our fighting forces do. That's why they are called "fighting forces".
• Are they upset because our fighting forces were sent into "a dangerous region"? They are trained to go into dangerous regions.

“Questions remain about why the troops were called in to aid other U.S. combatants engaged in a firefight”…

• Huh?
• Can they really be questioning why they were sent in to aid their fellow combatants?

  Al Capp of Li’l Abner Fame used to say he was,

“An Expert on Nothing with an Opinion on Everything.”

 

Al Capp was a humorist. These Talking Heads are not supposed to be funny. They are also better than Al Capp ever was at being Experts on Nothing with Opinions on Everything.

Would I kid u?

More Foolishness…

Al Capp also was the creator of the mascot symbol for the high school I went to in New Orleans … The Fighting Blue Jay

I bet you can hardly contain your emotions after gazing upon this little bird.  

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

It’s Presidential Election Time Again…Have You Noticed?

Yes it is time to be bombarded about the Presidential Election…again. That’s the bad news. The worst news is it has already been going on for a long time and it is going to be going on all the way until November of NEXT year. There ought to be a law to prevent this because this is Cruel and Unusual Punishment.
We are presently involved picking our next ruler and much of what we do to pick our next ruler does not make sense. We have certain standards and our standards many times have nothing to do with the qualifications that an office seeker ought to have.
Would you vote for a president who was bald? You just said to yourself that you certainly would but would you really do that?
Here is a list of disqualifiers that would certainly be hot discussion topics by the folks back home if such candidates were offered up for consideration to be President of the United States of America.
Coffee Shop Conversation…

• “That guy has a brilliant organized mind, is highly educated and has 22 years of experience in the successful governance of the largest city in America but I could never vote for him because he is too fat.”
• “That guy has an impeccably flawless ability to analyze any situation correctly and determine the proper course of action but he is too short.”
• “I see what you are saying. I fully agree that he is the only one who could possible save us from the impending doom that is upon us but do you see that huge space between his front teeth? When you get right down to it, you can’t trust anyone with a gap that big.”

Again the Smartfella? does not just make silly things up. He is very proud that he has an unblemished record of proposing specific and detailed plans of action to remedy what he makes silly about.
I say put the name of everyone wanting to be president into a hat and have Justin Bieber reach in and pick out our next ruler.
I can hear you saying, “That would be foolish”. My comeback to you is … “Are you telling me that the way we do it now is not foolish?”
On the other hand, why don’t be forget the hat and simply appoint Justin Bieber to the job. He may not be qualified but he is Good Looking, he has Great Hair and, most importantly, he does not have a gap in his front teeth.
The best part is he could go out on the North Portico on weekends and sing to his subjects all across The Fruited Plain.
Would I kid u?
NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

What A Straw Poll Is Is A Mystery But I Do Wish It Were Better At Being Whatever It Is

Go ahead and admit it, you do not know what a Straw Poll is, do you?

Please allow me to help you come to a better understanding of just what a Straw Poll really is. Of course I will be using the Iowa State Fair Straw Poll in Ames, Iowa to instruct you. The Iowa Straw Poll is a confusing political exercise which is a testament to...

• The presidential candidate who has the best organized political organization behind him/her.
• The presidential candidate who has the best organized political organization behind him/her who has the biggest tent.
• The presidential candidate who has the best organized political organization behind him/her who has the biggest tent who serves the best BBQ.
• The presidential candidate who has the best organized political organization behind him/her who has the biggest tent who serves the best BBQ and the most busses to ride the eaters from the BBQ to the place where the voting is being done.

Now do you understand?

Referring back to the Subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It?, “I Do Wish It Were Better At Being Whatever It Is”. Can you imagine how much better off we would all be if the Iowa Straw Poll were an exact, infallible, never-been-wrong predictor of who the next President of the good ole USofA was going to be?

It the Iowa Straw Poll was that good, we could do away with the agony of the rest of the Presidential Campaign and just wait for the Inauguration.

We would all be spared the awful ordeal we are about to endure. Instead we could just take naps in front of the TV while Talking Heads just sat there staring straight ahead with nothing to say. It would be like watching CSPAN for the next 14 months.

There it is. You are now educated about Straw Polls. The only question left unanswered is... What Does Straw Have to Do with All of This?

Would I kid u?

I’m Not Sure What Diversity Really Is But I know This Is Ridiculous

In this Foolishness…Or Is It? I am taking off my Silly Hat and am donning my Reporter Hat. I am going to just report on what I have read and maybe, just maybe, some bit of foolishness will show its silly head.

My source if information is the Wall Street Journal which reported on what a Heather Mac Donald wrote in www.city-journal.org.

I know about the WSJ but I am not familiar with City Journal or Heather Mac Donald (or why she puts a space between the “Mac” and the “Donald”) but that is okay because neither it nor she is familiar with me.

Heather Mac Donald wrote recently about California’s budget crisis and how a spokesman for the University of California said, “Our campuses and the UC Office of the President already have cut to the bone.” Heather Mac Donald goes on to disagree with this “cut to the bone” contention, when it comes to the area of Diversity.

The following is a quote from her July 14, 2011 article…

“Not only have diversity sinecures been protected from budget cuts, their numbers are actually growing. The University of California at San Diego, for example, is creating a new full-time “vice chancellor for equity, diversity, and inclusion.” This position would augment UC San Diego’s already massive diversity apparatus, which includes the Chancellor’s Diversity Office, the associate vice chancellor for faculty equity, the assistant vice chancellor for diversity, the faculty equity advisors, the graduate diversity coordinators, the staff diversity liaison, the undergraduate student diversity liaison, the graduate student diversity liaison, the chief diversity officer, the director of development for diversity initiatives, the Office of Academic Diversity and Equal Opportunity, the Committee on Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation Issues, the Committee on the Status of Women, the Campus Council on Climate, Culture and Inclusion, the Diversity Council, and the directors of the Cross-Cultural Center, the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Resource Center, and the Women’s Center.”

Whatever happened to Reading, Writing and Arithmetic?

This is the area of any Foolishness…Or Is It? where I say something foolishness or silly or tongue in cheek or smart alecky or wise guyish but this time I am at a loss for words. Could the above quote actually be true. Could their diversity apparatus listing really be that long? I must have made it up…Or did I?

If you want to see if I made the quote up, you can go read the entire article at…

http://www.city-journal.org/2011/cjc0714hm.html 

or you could just trust me.

Have I ever kidded u?

Note: For the record, I did not read the entire article. It has 1,762 words and is 17 paragraphs long. I just found the Diversity Explosion Listing, stopped reading and started in on my Blog Posting.

An America Living Inside Cubicles Would Be A Better America

W.C Fields was known for his crazy humor. He was also well known for his dislike of children. He many times said that he thought children should be raised inside a barrel and fed through a hole. I think he may have been on to something really worth thinking about with this comedy bit of his.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not advocating his Barrel Feeding Plan for our children. I am thinking he had a point; if you think of the barrel idea as an analogy for my idea that the good ole USofA might be better off if it were segmented into cubicles. Cubicles would isolate us from each other and that would be good. Please allow me to explain (this is going to be a hard one to explain)…

Because of our world of instant communication, we spread news very fast. Some of this news is not helpful to society.

Let’s say an awful person in New Hampshire does some gruesome thing. Within moments an awful person in Oregon who has the potential to be a gruesome person sees what his fellow awful person in New Hampshire has done and says to himself, “Self, that is a very gruesome thing to have done to someone else. Why did not I think of that?”

After a momentary disappointment in his own inability to come up with new gruesome ideas on his own, he thinks, “I’m going to do that terrible thing too”. This is how the modern world spreads evil.

My wish is that different parts of America were divided into Isolated Cubicles. If we were so divided, we would not spread our evilness all over this country.

Cubicle Living, as great an idea as it is, does have its drawbacks…

• In the Cubicle America the modern phenomena of getting Tattoos all over our bodies would still be contained inside the originating cubicle. That would really be a shame … Or would it?
• If we lived inside Cubicles, many of us would never have been exposed to Lady Gaga. That would be terrible … Or would it?
• In a Cubicle Controlled Country many of us would never have had the pleasure of watching American Idol. That would be horrific … Or would it?

The late Paul Harvey just came into my Computer Room and told me I ought to tell you the Rest of the Story about W.C. Fields and the children and the barrel and the feeding and the hole. The Rest of the Story is that W.C. went on to say, “and, when they become teenagers, plug up the hole”.

Don’t blame me. I did not say this terrible thing about our children/teenagers. I only related what W.C. said.

Would W.C. kid u?

I Have Discovered Where All The Money Is Going & Why It Is Going So Fast

I just got back from Washington DC. I really tried to get this startling information over the Telephone or via the Internet but I ran up against a stone wall that required me to go to DC and demand I be told the truth.

Without the Freedom of Information Act and my asking Bruce Willis to go with me, I never would have been granted access to this heavily guarded secret. (I can tell you this for sure, those Bureaucrats sure were afraid of Bruce.)

Are you ready? I warn you this is going to make you real mad but it will also explain one of the many things you have always been unable to understand about the inner workings of Congress.

We have always been told that members of our Congress are paid a salary. This is not true! They are actually on a Spoken Word Volume Incentive Payment Plan that pays them 5 cents for every word they speak in carrying out their responsibilities.

Under this generous reimbursement plan not only do their financial rewards pile up at a dramatic rate but they are given double credit for certain key words and phrases like: “My friend on the other side of the aisle”, “Comprehensive” and “Folks”.

Now that I have told you what’s going on up there in the halls of Congress, it is encumbered upon each of you to demand a change. Knowing that politics is a process, we can’t expect to make this all go away overnight. I recommend that we at least petition Congress to stop the Double Credit Incentive. Later we can get organized to mount our campaign to get them to give up this entire Spoken Word Volume Incentive Payment Plan.

Then we can put in its place a Regular Ole Salaried Payment Plan to pay them their true worth, $3,200 a year. Even $3,200 may be a stretch but they are worth something are they not? ... Or are they?

As a result of the enlightenment that you have been exposed to in this Foolishness…Or Is It?, you now know several bits of information about your Congressmen and Senators that you did not know before you were exposed…

• Why they fight so hard to get into Congress.
• Why they talk so much.
• Why they say the same things over and over.
• Why they leave office a lot wealthier than when they came into office.

Would I kid u?

We Are Running Out Of Ink ... As Usual, I Have A Remedy

The USofA’s Strategic Ink Reserve is being depleted at an alarming rate. The ink shortage is simply being caused by our News Media writing about what our Congress is doing and not doing (mostly not doing). This crisis is rapidly getting to the critical stage.

The crux of the problem is that our intrepid News Media continues to try to get everything recorded word for word. Because of this obsession of theirs, they find themselves writing the same words over and over because our Congress continues to use the same words over and over.

The only way that we can continue to print out 2,000 to 3,000 page legislative bills is to stop printing oft-repeated words. These huge legislative bills and the accompanying  interminable speeches on the floor of our House of Representative and our Senate are sucking our Strategic Ink Reserves dry.

To be perfectly honest, if the president had not decided to tap the Strategic Ink Reserves when he did, our Congress and our News Media would have had to shut down last January. That would have been awful ... Or would it have been?

As is usually the case, I am about proposing remedies. Here is what we ought to do...

• Our federal government ought to put up a web site with all the repetitious words/phrases and give each one of them a number.
• As we get our fix each day of the news of the day (which sounds a lot like the news of yesterday), we would see numbers in place of the off-repeated words/phrases.
• We could then refer to the Governmental Off-Repeated Word/Phrase Listing and see what the word or phrase that was left out really was.
• It will take some getting used to it but this is serious stuff and we owe it to each other to all pitch in to Save Our Ink.

You want examples? Here are a few...

• #1 could be Boots on the Ground.
• #2 could be Reaching Across the Aisle.
• #3 could be Transparency.

Others sure to make the list would be...

• Partisan
• Bipartisan
• Non-Partisan
• Lady Gaga (not really a political term but members of Congress are constantly asking themselves, each other and the folks back home, “What would Lady Gaga do?”)
• Alien
• Illegal Alien
• Undocumented Alien
• Undocumented Citizen
• Politically Correct
• Politically Incorrect
• Politically Motivated
• Anonymous
• Level Playing Field
• Folks
• Folks Back Home
• Folks Out There
• Happy Camper (not really used that much anymore but, since we have never known what this phrase means, I put it on the list in the hopes of never seeing these two words used together ever again)
• Budget
• Budget Deficit
• Deficit
• Deficit Reduction
• Revenue Enhancement (replacement for Tax Increase)
• Loss of Revenue (replacement for Tax Reduction)
• My Good Friend (used in the Senate as a substitute for “That Idiot On The Other Side of the Aisle”)
• Comprehensive
• Recession
• Great Recession
• Pace of Economic Recovery
• Dire Economic Circumstances Out There
• Kitchen Table (as in “Folks back home on Main Street sitting around the kitchen table at night balancing their budgets”)
• Government Shutdown
• Borrowing Money (now changed to Importing Money)

In addition to putting a real drain on our Strategic Ink Reserves, these 2,000 to 3,000 page bills are really causing a shortage of words themselves in the halls of Congress.

The Congressional Word Vendors are working overtime to constantly refill the Congressional Computers with words.

The word tankers are parked all around Capitol Hill and the guys with the refill hoses are darting everywhere, sticking those big nozzles into computers and pumping more words in.

The hoses lying across the hallways and in the stairwells have cause many a congressman to trip and fall as they were rushing to Happy Hour.

The tripping and falling has not really upset our dedicated members of congress because they have an excellent health care plan but we all know how determined they about getting to Happy Hour on time.

Speaking of Congressional Happy Hour, have you ever wondered why olives are so expensive?

Would I kid u?

A Short While Back She Was Unknown But Now She Is Pippa!

What a Pippa? Who is the Pippa?

Pippa is the sister of the new British Princess who just married that William prince guy.

Little sister Pippa used to be a nobody but now she is a somebody and, before it’s over, she may wish she never become a somebody.

She Wears Clothes…

Actually Reported In The British News: Her Royal Hotness (“Hotness” … That’s cute! The media is so cute.) Pippa Middleton was spotted in the Kensington neighborhood of London today in a navy striped dress, leather jacket and coordinating accessories!

Actually Commented On By The Smartfella?: Notice she was not “seen”. She was “spotted”. It’s like she was running away from Scotland Yard. Worst of all, she was spotted wearing clothes!

She Went To A Tennis Match…

Actually Reported In The British News: Pippa Middleton and boyfriend Alex Loudon looked cozy as could be when they attended Wimbledon together on Wednesday.

Actually Commented On By The Smartfella?: Not only was she at Wimbledon but she looked cozy.

Clothes Again…

Actually Reported In The British News: Pair your Pippa-style clothes with a Pippa-styled face: warm complexion complemented with smoky eyes, nude lips, and rose-colored blush.

Actually Commented On By The Smartfella?: Can you believe she was out in public with no clothes on her lips?

Oh My Gosh! She Drinks Coffee…

Actually Reported In The British News: Pippa Middleton picked up a cup of coffee to go from Starbucks on Thursday in London, England.

Actually Commented On By The Smartfella?: Oh my gosh! Can you believe that she drinks coffee? Not only does she drink it but she also picks it up. Nothing about her is too trivial to not be reported on.

I had a fear, before I wrote my book, that I would become famous and I would lose my privacy. That fear proved groundless since only you and I know about my book. It won’t be long before Pippa will be wishing that her only call to fame was that she had written a book called, Foolishness…Or Is It? and then no one would care about her coffee drinking.

Would I kid u?

So You Say You Don’t Know What’s Going On Regarding America’s Fascination With Tattoos … Please Allow Me To Help You Come To A Better Understanding

I was in the gym the other day trying desperately to keep my heart from attacking me when I took note of a Tattooed Lady sweating next to me.

Tattooed Ladies used to appear in carnival side shows but that is a thing of the past. They are not uncommon enough to be special enough to have anyone pay money to the Barnums of today to see them. Sad to say, they are everywhere.

I have developed a real curiosity as this phenomenon has grown in recent years. This time I got the courage up to ask, Why?

I approached the tattooed one. She was about 25 years old and quite attractive. Here is what she was displaying on her body for all to see…

• She had her left arm entirely covered with those wild designs that have become so common. It appeared to me that there was no space for more tattooing from her shoulder down to her wrist.
• On the top of her right shoulder was a big bird of some kind with lots of feathers.
• Her right foot and ankle had also been decorated but I could not make out what that piece of “artwork” was. There was just a lot of it down there.

I told her I was curious and was dying to ask her a question about her tattoos. She immediately stiffened up and I thought I was going to have to duck any moment when I blurted out that I had been sent on a fact finding mission by Angelina Jolie. That did it. She smiled and said, “I’ll be glad to discuss my artwork with any friend of Angie”.

I got right to my question. I asked her what were the reasons she had gotten her many tattoos. In rapid succession she gave me three…

• She thought it was Cool (I knew that she meant “Kool”). 
• She had accumulated a lot of money by working very hard for many years and she had decided that she wanted to do something meaningful with every last penny. She said, “What else was there but tattooing?” I nodded my head as if I fully saw the wisdom of this investment.
• Lastly she told me that her absolutely favorite celebrity (whose name she said escaped her at the moment) had a lot of tattoos and she was trying her best to emulate her.

Speaking for myself I think any one of these reasons sounds perfectly logical and, in many ways, downright admirable. What do you think?

Would I kid u?

PS: Okay I admit I made up all of this Foolishness…Or Is It? except the size, quantity and description of her tattoos … Or did I?

Burt Parks Sang “There She Is!” … The Smartfella? Says “Who Is She?”

I recently read a “news” article about an actress. The article tells me that she is a new celebrity and is a well-known actress but I have never heard of her. I guess, that is permissible because she probably not heard of me either.

The article informed me about parts she had played, her romantic involvements and what she is planning for her bright future. I must not have had much to do because I took the time to read the article. I probably was trying to figure out who she was. Near the end of the article, I was informed that she is coming out with a Line of Clothing and that is what got my Foolishness juices flowing.

Why does our society get excited about wearing clothes that have Celebrity Names on them?…

• Are these clothes better made than everything else we buy from China?
• Do clothes with a Celeb’s name on them fit better?
• Do the Chinese workers that make these clothes go through a more rigorous training program than those that make Fruit of the Looms?

If the above three bullets were true, I could better understand why we have to pay more but I don’t believe any of them are true.

I would feel better about wearing and paying higher prices for Celebrity Duds if I thought that the Celebs had gone out into their individual garages and designed, cut and sown all the duds themselves but this also certainly not true.

I am so extreme about this issue that I go out of my way to not buy clothes that have commercial names on them like Nike, Louie What’s His Name, Godiva Chocolates, etc.

Why should I buy, wear and pay extra for their stuff? This is free advertising for them to entice other minions to buy more of their stuff.

That having been said, if they paid me an Advertising Walking Around Fee, I would be glad to help them out.

Would I kid u?

Pip-Squeak Politics

American Heritage Dictionary defines Pip-Squeak as,

“One that is small or insignificant”

That sound about right but it is dead wrong when it comes to Presidential Politics.

Big & Important States, since they are Big & Important States, have an influence upon the states that are not Big & Important States. That's how it is.

If you don't live in a Big & Important State and you don’t like Big & Important States telling you what to do and think, then move to a Big & Important State, so you can then tell the rest of us what to do.

I'm fairly certain you did not understand what I was talking about in the above paragraphs because I'm not sure of what I was talking about in the above paragraphs either. Let me flip it around and approach my concerns from a different slant.

Why are Iowa, which has .99% of the population of the U.S. and New Hampshire which has .43% of the population of the U.S., in such positions of power and influence when it comes to who our next President is going to be?

Why do they get so much attention and money thrown at them every four years? The winners of these Pip Squeak States Contests do not always win the presidency. Heck, many of the winners do not even get their party’s nominations.

In particular regarding Iowa, every four years most Americans are baffled by the following questions…

• What is a Caucus?
• What is a Straw Pole?
• Is there really an Iowa?

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What in the heck is an Iowa Caucus?

According to a Web Site about the Iowa Caucuses by GazetteOnLine.com...

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Republican Caucuses:

Those attending will indicate their presidential preferences in what is essentially a straw poll. Voting can be done by a show of hands or by paper ballots.

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Democratic Caucuses:

The process at Democratic caucuses is more detailed…

• Beginning no earlier than 7 p.m., Democrats divide into “preference groups” based on which candidate they support.
• “Undecided” can be a preference group.
• Generally speaking, a candidate group must have 15 percent of the number of participants to be “viable.”
• Caucus participants have up to 30 minutes to join a preference group.
• After the caucus chairman determines which groups are viable, participants have another 30 minutes to realign, or join a different caucus group.
• Throughout this process, members of a preference group may attempt to persuade other caucus-goers, especially members of non-viable groups, to join their preference group.
• Non-viable groups may merge to gain enough members to meet the viability threshold.
• Or members of non-viable groups may choose to join the uncommitted preference group.
• Or they can choose not to join any group.
• When the preference groups are set, the caucus chairman will determine the number of county convention delegates each preference group is entitled to elect.
• When those numbers are totaled at the state level, the “winner” of the Democratic caucus is the one with the most delegates.

The Bottom Line (also known as…The Why Do They Bother? Line):

The results of the caucuses are not binding on either Republican or Democratic delegates to the county convention.

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Now that you understand Pip Squeak Politics I am sure that you are much more comfortable with little insignificant states like Iowa and New Hampshire having an inordinate influence about who your next president will be … Or are u?

I won’t even get into what a Straw Pole is because this Foolishness…Or Is It? has gone on long enough. (I feel badly that many of you agree with the prior sentence.)

Would I kid u?

Do I See A Pattern Here?

In my local newspaper today is an article that addresses cheating on standardized tests in the schools around here.

This Foolishness…Or Is It? is really written to gather input from you, my dear readers, about whether I am being too picky.

Here is the pattern picky me sees in articles about how our schools are performing…

• Somewhere way back in the beginning there was an article about widespread cheating by students, teachers and administrators on standardized tests.
• After awhile an article is published about how well out students are doing on standardized tests and how high they rank nationally.
• After awhile an article is published about widespread cheating by students, teachers and administrators on standardized tests.
• After awhile an article is published about how well out students are doing on standardized tests and how high they rank nationally.

As Yul Brenner said in 1956 during his portrayal of Mongkut the king of Siam in The King and I, “Etcetera, Etcetera, Etcetera”.

Would I kid u?

Today There Was A Major Population Influx Into Our Country & It’s Not Who You Think It Was

As I was driving back from South Georgia today the Casey Anthony verdict was announced. Within minutes the Major Population Influx referred to in the subject of this Foolishness…Or Is It? had occurred. It was instantaneous!

All of a sudden, on station after station, (every single one of them was talking about the verdict) Lawyers and Talking Heads were all saying the same things…

• They said they had seen this acquittal coming from the beginning.
• They knew all along that the prosecution had no case.

If you are worried about overpopulation, don’t give it a second thought. The influxers have made an even swap with the Lawyers and Talking Heads that, up until now, had been saying…

• The evidence is mounting each and every day against Casey Anthony.
• This case looks like a slam dunk for the prosecution.

No, the population of the good ole USofA has not gone up by one single person. We still have the same number of smart people as we had yesterday.

Would I kid u?