It’s Awful Out There!

 

Why is it Awful Out There? It’s because is it so confusing and we all agree Confusion Is Awful.

Example of Awful #1...Spots On the Floor

For about a year and a half, whenever we went into a store of any kind we have been comforted by a sense of Non-Confusion because we saw Spots On The Floor that give us Comforting Instructions like...

Ø Stand Here

Ø Don’t touch anyone

Ø Stay Safe

Ø 6’ Apart

Ø Social Distancing

Ø Don’t let anyone touch you

The Times They Are a Changin’ because the spots are disappearing from our stores and it is resulting in Confusion and Chaos. As I entered a store yesterday I immediately became aware that it was in Complete Chaos Mode...

Ø Some people were stopped dead in their tracks at the door afraid to move any further.

Ø All customers had looks on their collective faces of Shock, Confusion and/or Fear.

Ø Many customers who had been brave enough to walk in now had had their emotions get the better of them and they were frozen in place.

Ø I saw 3 who were on the phone with 911 demanding Swat Teams be dispatched to come rescue them.

OK I admit I made the above Silliness up...Or did I?

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Example of Awful #2...Holes In Jeans.

Every time I offer one of my Grandchildren $20 to go buy a new pair of jeans that do not have holes in the knees they look at me as if I am acting strange again.

They start thinking about what their parents have been saying about my going down the Slippery Slope because...

Ø They don’t understand what I am talking about because, of course, all jeans have holes in the knees.

Ø They know that $20 is not enough to buy the back pocket of their jeans of choice.

Ø Before I spoke up they were in the process of trying to decide how they were going to make their jeans even better looking than they presently are.
>To make the improvements they were picturing the Instruments of Improvement they were going to utilize...a Pair of Scissors, a Sickle, a Revolver, a Wire Brush and/or a Lawn Mower.

Long ago I stopped telling them about my youth (which they are tired of hearing about) and what I would do when a hole appeared in my Jean's Knees...

Ø I considered a hole in my jeans a certain sign that my jeans had become too old to wear any longer.

Ø If I did continue to wear them, my friends would look down on me and quit playing with me.

Ø I would ask my Mother for $3.49 to go buy a new pair of jeans.

Ø Once my Mother had given me the $3.49 (exact change) I would walk the one block to Weinstein’s (Neighborhood) Department Store and buy a new pair of jeans.

Ø Mr. Weinstein loved to see me walk in with my $3.49 (exact change) in my hand.

I always used to think he liked me but, as I have grown wiser in the ways of the world, I came to realized he really like my $3.49.

All of the above in this Example of Awful #2 has been a digression from why I brought up Holes in Jeans in the first place.

I was in my Cable TV Provider’s office the other day when this happened...

Ø There was an office to the left with a sign out front that read, “Job Interview in Process”.

Ø While I was waiting patiently on my spot the door to this office burst open and a young lady came out and turned back to the person who had been interviewing her and while moving her hands down the front of her clothes as if she was brushing away some dirt that had gotten on her clothes she said, “I can’t abide working in a place where I can’t bring my holes with me. I will not work in a place that shows no respect for my holes!”

I looked in the office and the bewildered former interviewer said to me, “All I said was she would not be allowed to wear jeans with holes in them to work”.

************

Example of Awful #3....

There she was on her Physiatrist’s Couch telling him about her greatest fear. Here was her tale of fear...

Ø Doctor, it was awful! I was stuck! I could not leave my house!

Ø It was a beautiful day, the birds were chirping, the temperature was perfect and I wanted so badly to go for a walk in the beautiful bird filled park near my house.

Ø I phoned Sally but she did not answer.

Ø I phoned Imelda but she did not answer.

Ø I phoned Linda but she did not answer.

Ø I phoned every friend I had (and I do have lots of friends) and no one answered.

Ø I was trapped because, as you well know, no one can walk without talking on their Smartphone.

The Physiatrist walked out saying to himself, “I’m going directly to my local Fire Station and put in my application to become a Fireman”.

As he disappeared from her presence she looked up from the couch (which she could not get up from because her phone battery had run out) and said to herself, “How did he just walk out like that without talking on his phone?”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Does this make sense to you? 

That guy on the left without a spot will not live through the night.

This Ain’t Right!

Nordstrom has come up with a new product that everyone in the Good Ole USofA is sure to want.

 

Allow me to correct my opening statement in the opening paragraph above. Remove “sure to want” and replace it with “deserves to have”.

 

Nay, allow me to correct the above correction. “Deserves to have” is not strong enough because somewhere in the Constitution this must certainly be listed as an Inalienable Right!

 

I apologize. I got so carried away that I am in the 4^th paragraph of this bit of foolishness and I have not told you of which I speak. I am talking about Nordstrom Selling Muddy Jeans Complete with Fake Mud That Will Not Wash Out for $425 (http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/prps-barracuda-straight-leg-jeans/4457245).

Their Web Site has 2 glaring inaccuracies...

“Heavily distressed medium-blue denim jeans in a comfortable straight-leg fit embody rugged, Americana workwear that's seen some hard-working action with a crackled, caked-on muddy coating that shows you're not afraid to get down and dirty.”

The Inaccuracies:

Ø “That's seen some hard-working action”... This is not true. They come out of the box with fake mud on them and imparting a fake impression that you have been working hard but you are faking your hard work as soon as you put them on.

Ø “Shows you're not afraid to get down and dirty”...This is not true. You are afraid to get down and dirty, otherwise you would have gotten down and dirty but you were afraid to get down and dirty, so you faked it.

 

Actually I see this as a very strong argument for increasing the Federal Minimum Wage way over its current measly $7.25. Do you realize how long a minimum wage worker would have to labor to buy a pair of these jeans? Its 58.620689 hours! That’s unconscionable!

 

One More Point...Did you notice Nordstrom advertises that they do not charge shipping on their $425 jeans? Well I guess not! If they would charge shipping on a $425 pair of jeans that cost them $12.86 to manufacture (in Portugal), they ought to be thrown in jail.

 

I don’t think I am being too harsh to say that their CEO, their CFO, their CPA and their Doorman ought to all be thrown in jail. (I can see that you think I got carried away again. OK, give the Doorman a pass.)

 

One More One More Point...Atta Boy for Reebok! I’m gonna go out and buy something made by Reebok this very day. What am I gonna buy? It does not matter, as long as it is made by Reebok. Such good ole American Foolishness as this (click below) deserves to be rewarded! (Be patient while the commercial delays the Foolishness)... https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/nation-now/2017/04/27/reebok-features-425-sweat-shirt-following-news-nordstroms-muddy-jeans/307031001/

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Already Been Worn Out Jeans For Sale

My wife used to have a part-time job at Bloomingdale's Department Store. One time when I went to pick her up my confusion about the world I live in went up another notch or two.

Image via Wikipedia 

When I was a small person, my mother would periodically send me down to Weinstein's Department Store to buy a replacement pair of Blue Jeans. This was not a big department store but a small family owned neighborhood establishment. She would give me a $5 bill to make my purchase. I would pay Mr. Weinstein $3.47. After I had completed my purchase, I would worry my little self all the way home. My concern was, if I kept throwing money around like this, would my parents be able to make ends meet.

When I returned home with my new pair of Levis my mother was always expectant (expecting the change).

Why was I throwing my mother’s money around like that? It was because my present pair of jeans was worn out, had holes in them and they just looked terrible.

At Bloomingdale’s that day I saw numerous pairs of jeans on display that looked like those I had replaced when I was a kid. They were worn out looking, faded, frayed and had lots of holes in them. It looked like they had been recycled from Mr. Weinstein's trash dumpster behind his store.

They had been, of course, made to look old but they were new. The most shocking part is they did not cost $3.47. These jeans cost $260. Why do they cost $260? Is this high price because the manufacturer had to pay some Chinaman to wear them for two years to make them ready for sale to trendy Americans?

Something is wrong here. Wine and Tabasco Sauce have to be aged before those products are ready for sale. This may be the same principle. These jeans are “aged”.

The line above could very well be the end of this foolishness but the silliness is going to go on a wee bit more.

Yesterday’s newspaper ads tell me that trendy (trendy = silly) Americans are handing over their money for the likes of:

• Bikini swim suit top for $265 and bottom for $135 (total $400). If the manufacturer would beat the suit with a hammer and rip some holes in them with a pitch fork, they could really charge a lot.
• A Rag & Bone (whatever that is) Sweater for $425. Mr. Weinstein sold the likes of them for $8.95 plus tax.
• A Yacht Club Chronograph for $23,100. It looks a lot like the $14 Timex on my arm at this moment.

All these products above are, of course, a much higher quality than those that were for sale at Weinstein’s and Woolworth’s 5 & 10 Cents Store… Or are they?

Would I kid u?

What Am I doing In This Store?

A short while back my wife & I enjoyed a Half Family Saturday Breakfast (2 of our 4 children were there).

 

After breakfast my wife and a daughter tricked me into accompanying them to the Shoe Store across the street. Why is it that there is always a Shoe Store across the street from wherever my wife is?

 

I handled the boredom fairly well. I ended up taking a bunch of pictures of shoes. I have deleted all but 2 pictures (see below)...

Ø I found that Mrs. Spartacus shops in that store...

Ø I also found that Silly People shop at this store with Mrs. Spartacus.
>I often notice and then wonder about the condition of people’s blue jeans.
> When I was a child and I wore a hole in my jeans, either my Mother would install an Iron-On Jean Patch or, when I was really lucky, I would be allowed to spend $2.47 to get a brand new pair of jeans!
>Today people spend hundreds of dollars to buy jeans with pre-installed holes and then they take them home and install more holes. (Yea, I know the word “install” seems misplaced here.)
>This young lady used Paul Bunyon’s Sissors to install her holes...

No need to attach a comment to this posting telling me I don’t have to notice everything. I know that is true but it is really hard for me to do that when I live in a world that contains so many things that cry out to be noticed.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

A Sure Fire Money Making Idea

I have enough money. Some of my dear readers do not have enough money. Since those of you who do not have enough money have been officially classified by our 9% Approval Rating Congress as Down Trodden, I am allowing one of you officially declared Down Troddeners to take my money making idea and run with it. In short order, the go getter among you who first seizes this opportunity will be transformed into one of the filthy rich. I am such a nice guy that I will not ask for a piece of the action.

A short while back I created a Foolish…Or Is It that directed your attention to the $270 pair of jeans in Bloomingdale's Department Store. Many of these worn out looking “bargain” jeans have slits in the knees. In fact, that is the most popular “alteration” seen on the jean scene. If the jeans do not come already cool (with slits), many of the dudes & dudettes out there will put the slits in with a knife as soon as they get home.

There are two Really Cool Hot Fads out there in The World of Cool…
• Slits in the knees of jeans.
• Tattoos on the human body almost everywhere you can imagine.

Do you see it? It ought to be jumping out at you! It’s Tattoos on Kneecaps!

When a modern day cool dude or cool dudette sits down, their kneecaps show through their cool knee slits. The person who patents the Tattoos on Kneecaps Idea is going be filthy rich!

I can just see tattoos peeping out at America…
• 2 Elvis'.
• Jessica & her latest squeeze.
• The Lone Ranger & Tonto.
• Tom Cruise & what's her name.
• Shaq & Kobe.
• Frick & Frack.
• Dale Earnhardt, the dead one & the not dead one.
• Ball Players, before they becoming bobble head doll looking persons & after they become bobble head doll looking persons.

The possibilities are endless!

Would I kid u?

Can Your Mind’s Eye See?

This is Sight Foolishness. To enjoy the full impact of this bit of Foolishness you must be able to picture these images in your mind’s eye. If you can’t picture images in your head, do not read any further.

First, the Smartfella? must set the stage…

• I am old fashioned.
• I believe that we show respect for places we go by the way we dress.
• To go to church on Sunday dressed like we just came out of the field after picking cotton or just back from toting that barge and lifting that bale is not proper.

I understand that I have just lost more of my dear readers because some of you are now mad at me for attacking the way you dress for church. Oh well, I accept this because that’s the way it is in the glaring spotlight of public opinion.

Those of you still with me please read on.

Since I am sure that God in heaven shares my dislike for Beach/Garden Wear in his church, here is what I find my mind’s eye picturing as I sit there on Sunday watching my fellow parishioners walk up to communion in blue jeans, shorts and thongs…

• All of a sudden all males wearing blue jeans, shorts and thongs are no longer attired in blue jeans, shorts and thongs but are in white boxer underwear, with the word “Alleluia” printed all over them and wearing very loud wooden Dutch shoes that are 3 sizes too big for their feet.
• Since the Smartfella? does not do risqué and picturing women in their underwear in church would be risqué , I do not have the same picture of the females.
• I picture the females walking up and all of a sudden there are flower pots on top of their heads with one large yellow daisy growing out of the pot and held onto their heads by an elastic strap under their chins and, of course, the very loud wooden Dutch shoes that are 3 sizes too big for their feet.

Ah yes, this just might be the biggest miracle since the Loaves and the Fishes!

What? You say you can’t picture my pictures. I feel sorry for your mind’s eye.

Would I kid u?

I Try To Learn A New Word Every Day. Some Of Them I Try To Unlearn As Soon As I Learn Them.

Today my New Word is “Fave”. Being Sly, Cunning and Alert I quickly caught on that this was short for “Favorite”.

I wish I had not caught on so quickly. As soon as I realized that I had figured out such a Cool Modern Word I started to fear people were going to start calling me “Dude”.

Actually I knew I was in trouble a long time ago when I figured out that “Celeb” was short for “Celebrity”.

Oh well, at least I’m not famous because then I would be a “Celebrity Dude”.

***************

We are all well aware that the Internet was invented to…

Ø Not let us relax without being interrupted constantly by a Notification about Useless Information that just popped into our Smartphones.

Ø Allowing you to worry about things that you can’t do anything about but worry about like a Ferry Boat overturning 6,872 miles away from where you are and killing a bunch of people who you would never ever have met in your entire life.

Ø Letting you know that you are terribly out of style because you just bought new jeans and you are ashamed that you could not afford holes in your new jeans so you bought the cheaper ones without holes and you are about to get to work with your scissors, your wire brush and your hammer so you can put holes in them and you are praying to God in heaven that no one will be the wiser that your holes are Cheap Wearer Created Holes and not Cool Store Bought Holes.

***************

Oh yea, back to how “Fave” jumped out at me…

My phone just showed me an ad that was headlined…

Faves from Ellen DeGeneres!

Right next to the cutest picture of Ellen you ever saw are these words…

Ellen’s Fave List

My back-to-school faves for a cool school year.

Love,

(Ellen’s Cool Signature)

Ellen’s First Fave: Wonder Nation Clear Backpack…Stylish & see-through, so you’ll know if you forgot to pack Timmy’s lunch. (I wonder if it would work just as well if you child was not named Timmy but was named Papoose?)

Ellen’s Second Fave: Boon Bento Lunch Box…Shaped like snail so kids will have the most adorable lunch possible. (Maybe that’s why I turned out the way I did. I can’t ever remember eating even one Adorable Lunch at St. Anthony of Padua Grammar School.)

Ellen’s Third Fave: ZIPIT Wildings Pencil Case…Fun moms get their kids fun pencil cases. That’s all there is to it. (If my Mother were still here, she would be proud that she was not a Fun Mom and I would love her even more for standing her ground.)

It’s hard to imagine how Timmy and Papoose will not get all A’s with all these Cool Ellen Faves.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Ugly Should Not Be Allowed In Church

I did it again in church yesterday. I allowed my mind to wonder while it should have been praying for you, my dear readers.

Those of you who have been reading my stuff for awhile may recall I did this once before when I became fixated on Blue Jeans, Shorts and Flip Flops in church. Click below to revive an old chuckle or two…

http://forii.blogspot.com/search?q=jeans

This time I got to looking at people’s feet. To be perfectly blunt, Feet Are Ugly. Why is it that people want to walk around any place at all, much less in church, with their feet exposed is beyond me.

The worst part of feet is toes. They go all directions when people walk. They are bent left and right. Some are so long they hang off the end of the flip flop. Some point up at about a 75 degree angle and then flop down as the foot hits the ground. Quite simply stated, feet are a mess.

Somewhere back in the past Mr. Revlon convinced women that their toes ought to be painted, so Mr. Revlon could build a big mansion to live in. The lady in the pew with me yesterday had selected Putrid Green for her little piggy's. They kept me awake during the homily. I kept peaking at them to see if they were still there and still Green.

Some of the feet that I saw had closed end shoes so that the toes were not visible. I also analyzed this phenomena and drew the inescapable conclusion that people with good looking toes must not be allowed to show off their toes.

Given enough time all toes deteriorate. Eventually they all become ugly and by federal law, once ugly,  they are required to be exposed. The agents of the Federal Department of Ugliness (FDU) are probably roaming our streets and byways with their handheld x-ray machines on the lookout for ugly toes still hidden by shoe coverings. Once FDU determines that your toes are ugly enough, the person who is connected to the toes is required to wear open toed sandals or flip flops. If they can’t afford to buy their new foot gear, taxpayer dollars are used to give them what the law requires that they wear. It’s the only fair thing to do.

Some of you are probably thinking I have really stepped into it this time because I have offended all those out there who like sandals and flip flops. Actually this is not the case. All such people think that they are the exception to the rule and that their ugly feet are pretty feet and, therefore, I am not talking about them and their pretty feet. In this misguided belief they are pretty wrong.

If feet came without toes, I might not be this riled up but they do and so I am.

Would I kid u?

As Much As I Talk About Foolishness It Just Well May Be That I Sometimes Can’t See The Goodness Because Of The Silly That Stands In Front Of It

What is the message of this picture? I am well aware that many people try to get to our Wallets and our Votes by clothing their cause in The Children of the Good Ole USofA.

 

We become like putty in their sneaky hands when they tell us what they are doing is for the benefit of The Children. We find it very difficult to go against The Children. We acquiesce to whatever they are selling. It works every time...Or does it?

 

This time I got to thinking about how this transfer of wealth to The Children was going to be accomplished...

Ø Are The Children poor because the Parents are poor?

Ø Are The Children poor but the Parents wealthy and we have to fix this inequity?

Ø Are the Parents taking all The Children’s money and using it to buy Lattes and Expensive Jeans with holes all over the pant legs?

Ø If we redistributed our money to the parents of The Children, would the parents keep it for themselves and leave their Children to wallow in poverty?

Ø How are we to get our redistributed money past the greedy parents to The Children who so desperately need our help?

Ø Will we have to set up Checking Accounts for The Children where they can keep our donated money?

Ø How will we ensure that the Parents will not gain access to The Children’s Checking Accounts?

Ø Will The Children’s Signatures, and only their Signatures, be needed to withdraw money from these Checking Accounts?

Ø Do The Children have Signatures?

Ø Should we be concerned that The Children will not be ready for their new wealthy life style and will squander their money on Candy and not use it for Food, Shelter, Expensive Jeans with holes all over the pant legs and Higher Education?

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Since we are getting near the Bottom Line of this Blog Posting I will try and make some sense of it all...Or will I?

 

I just might be making too much of this picture...

Maybe it is plain as the nose on her face. Maybe, just maybe, she is trying to tell us all that, if we all started wearing Red Noses on our Noses, that alone would make everything better.

 

Sadly The Poor Children will still be poor and the evil rich parents will still be evil and rich but we will we will have brought a smile to The Children’s malnourished faces.

 

Best of all, since I did not donate my money to the parents, I would only be out the cost of one Red Clown Nose.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

If You Have Ever Said, “Now I Have Seen Everything", You Were Wrong Because I Bet You Had Not Seen This

This Foolishness comes to us from out of the Philippines.

“P34,000” in Philippian Money converts to roughly $600 in American Dollars.

If these jeans cost $34,000, it would be Ridiculously Ridiculous.

Costing roughly $600 is Super Ridiculous.

If they cost $1.00, it would still be Just Plain Stupid.

Are you ready for this?...

Now you can go ahead and say it, “Now I Have Seen Everything!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Do You Know What “Banker’s Hours” Means? Do You Know Who Willie the Actor Sutton Was?

As the Professional Blogger that I am I know My Dear Readers (that’s you) fall into two categories on this one…

• You are so young you don’t know what the heck I am talking about when I peck out “Banker’s Hours”.
• You are so old (like me) that you once knew what “Banker’s Hours” meant but you have forgotten what “Banker’s Hours” (and a lot of other stuff) means.

Banker’s Hours goes back to a time when banks were housed in Large Stone Block Buildings. This was done to convey to their customers that their money was being kept in a Large Well-Built Secure Building. Almost as importantly, it was done so people who did not have any money in the bank would want to put their money in the bank when they got some money to put in a bank because it was a Large Well-Built Secure Building.

Then things started to change. Banks started popping up in once vacant lots housed in trailers with the wheels removed and offering toasters as a reward for putting your money in their flimsy bank. The wheels had been removed to convey stability to present and future bank customers. Customers looked at the Banking Trailer with the Wheels Removed and said to themselves, “Well, that’s not as confidence building as a Large Stone Block Building but the absence of wheels does fill me with confidence that my life-long savings will be safe in there and everyone needs an extra toaster because next time someone I know gets married I have a toaster to give to him/her”.

------------

Back in the old days described above, banks were only open from 9am to 2pm. Did you just say, “What! Why did they only open 5 hours a day? That’s crazy!” The Banking Industry had very good reasons for their Short Workday…

·   They had lots of administrative chores they needed to get done before they could go home.

·   Banker people today have lots of Apps to help them get through the day. In the old days there were no Apps, so they needed to get started on all the things that Apps would have done for them if there had been Apps. I can almost hear them mumbling to themselves, “I wish I had an App for this!”

·   Since they only worked 5 hours there was not enough time to sharpen their pencils, so they sharpened their pencils for the next workday before they went home. They could not put pencil sharpening off till the next morning because they had to get coffee before they started working the next morning.

·   They had to pick up all the coins that they had dropped on the floor each day.

·   A short workday offered less hours of bank robbing opportunity for bank robbers to rob banks.

Bank Robbing used to be Big Business. Stop and think about it. How many famous modern day bank robbers can you name? Hardly any right? Back in the old days bank robbing was a popular way to make a living…

• John Dillinger (Vicious Bank Robber)
• Baby Face Nelson (Notorious Criminal with a Small Face)
• Pretty Boy Floyd (Notorious Criminal with a Pretty Face)
• Machine Gun Kelly (Flamboyant Criminal)
• Jesse James (Civil War Bandit)
• Sundance Kid (Harry Longabaugh)
• Butch Cassidy…Butch Cassidy's first criminal offense was minor. Around 1880 he journeyed to a clothier shop in another town but found it closed. He broke into the shop and stole a pair of jeans and some pie, leaving an IOU promising to pay on his next visit. 
• Willie the Actor Sutton

************

Willie the Actor Sutton (years ago I read Willie’s autobiography) was a very interesting Bank Robber and most of the rest of this Blog Posting will be Copy & Paste from what others and him have written about him.

You might think this Blog is getting too long but actually you ought to thank me because I have shortened it quite q bit.

Willie Sutton

From Wikipedia

• William Francis Sutton Jr. was an American bank robber. 
• During his forty-year robbery career he stole an estimated $2 million.
• He spent more than half of his adult life in prison.
• He escaped from prison three times.
• For his talent at executing robberies in disguises, he gained two nicknames, "Willie the Actor" and "Slick Willie".

Early life

• He was born in Irishtown, Brooklyn.
• He did not attend school after the 8th grade.

Career In Crime

• He became a criminal at an early age.
• He was an accomplished bank robber.
• Throughout his long professional criminal career, he did not kill anyone.
• He dispensed mounds of legal advice to any convict willing to listen.
• Inmates considered him a "wise old head".
• When incarcerated at "The Tombs" (Manhattan House of Detention) he did not have to worry about assault because Mafia friends protected him.
• Gangsters and many incarcerated organized crime inmates, enjoyed having him for companionship.
• He was witty and non-violent.
• He usually carried a pistol or a Thompson submachine gun.
• He once observed, "You can't rob a bank on charm and personality".
• In an interview in the Reader's Digest, he was asked if the guns that he used in his robberies were loaded. He responded that he never carried a loaded gun because somebody might get hurt.
• He stole from the rich and kept it.
• He was captured and recommitted in June 1931, charged with assault and robbery.
• He failed to complete his 30-year sentence, however, escaping on December 11, 1932, using a smuggled gun and holding a prison guard hostage.
• With the guard as leverage, Sutton acquired a 45-ft ladder to scale the 30-ft wall of the prison grounds.
• On February 15, 1933, Sutton attempted to rob the Corn Exchange Bank and Trust Company in Philadelphia.
• He came in disguised as a postman, but an alert passerby foiled the crime but he escaped.
• On January 15, 1934, he and two companions broke into the same bank through a skylight.
• He conducted a Broadway jewelry store robbery in broad daylight, impersonating a postal telegraph messenger.
• His other disguises included a police officer, messenger and maintenance man.
• He was apprehended on February 5, 1934, and was sentenced to serve 25 to 50 years in the Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia for the machine gun robbery of the Corn Exchange Bank.
• On April 3, 1945, he was one of 12 convicts who escaped the institution through a tunnel.
• The convicts broke through to the other side during daylight hours and were spotted immediately by a passing police patrol.
• The 12 men were forced to quickly flee the scene, with all being quickly apprehended.
• He was recaptured the same day by a Philadelphia police officer.
• Sentenced to life imprisonment as a fourth time offender, Sutton was transferred to the Philadelphia County Prison in Pennsylvania.
• On February 10, 1947, he and other prisoners dressed as prison guards carried two ladders across the prison yard to the wall after dark.
• When the prison's searchlights hit him, Sutton yelled, "It's all right” and no one stopped him.
• During February 1952, Sutton was captured by police after having been recognized on a subway and followed by Arnold Schuster, a 24-year-old Brooklyn clothing salesman and amateur detective.
• Schuster later appeared on television and described how he had assisted in Sutton's apprehension. 
• Albert Anastasia, Mafia boss of the Gambino crime family, disliked Schuster because he was a "rat" and a "squealer." 
• Anastasia ordered the murder of Schuster, who was then shot dead outside his home.
• Judge Peter T. Farrell presided over a 1952 trial in which Sutton was convicted of the 1950 robbery of $63,942 (equal to $835,668 presently) from a bank of the Manufacturers Trust Company in Queens.
• He received a sentence of 30 to 120 years in Attica State Prison.
• While in prison, he wrote "I, Willie Sutton", a book about his life and career.
• In December of 1969, Judge Farrell ruled that Sutton's good behavior, along with his deteriorating health, justified commuting his sentence to time served.
• At the hearing he responded, "Thank you, your Honor. God bless you," and wept as he was led out of the court building.
• In 1976, he published his second book, “Where the Money Was”.
• After his release, Sutton delivered lectures on prison reform and consulted with banks on theft-deterrent techniques.
• He made a television commercial for New Britain Bank and Trust Company in Connecticut for their credit card with picture identification on it.
• His lines were, "They call it the face card. Now when I say I'm Willie Sutton, people believe me”.

"Sutton's Law"

A famous apocryphal story is that Sutton was asked by a reporter why he robbed banks. According to the reporter, he replied, "Because that's where the money is". The quote evolved into Sutton's law, which is often invoked to medical students as a metaphor for emphasizing the most likely diagnosis, rather than wasting time and money investigating every conceivable possibility.

In his autobiography, Sutton denied originating the pithy rejoinder…

“The irony of using a bank robber's maxim as an instrument for teaching medicine is compounded, I will now confess, by the fact that I never said it. The credit belongs to some enterprising reporter who apparently felt a need to fill out his copy. I can't even remember where I first read it. It just seemed to appear one day, and then it was everywhere. If anybody had asked me, I'd have probably said it. That's what almost anybody would say ... it couldn't be more obvious.”

However, he also said:

"Why did I rob banks? Because I enjoyed it. I loved it. I was more alive when I was inside a bank, robbing it, than at any other time in my life. I enjoyed everything about it so much that one or two weeks later I'd be out looking for the next job. But to me the money was the chips, that's all".

Would you have loved to buy him a beer just listen to him tell stories. I know I would.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: At the top of this Foolishness, I said I was a Professional Blogger. Are not Professionals supposed to get paid? Why don't I get money for my Blog? I don't. Not only do I not get paid but I am reduced to giving away copies of my Little Read Book. Oh well, that's what I get for Self-Publishing my book. Once you run out of relatives and friends your sales dry up. If I had known I needed more friends to buy my book, I would have been nicer to people. 

If you feel sorry for me, go to Amazon and BUY A COPY or two. Or wait me out and I will probably give you a copy or two.