This Is the Day to Be Especially Thankful

Be Especially Thankful that any one of these Red Carpet Celebrities is not your girlfriend...

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella 

I Am So Relieved!

Thank heaven for the Coronavirus / Wuhan Virus / Chinese Flu / Novel Coronavirus / COVID-19 / CCP (Chinese Communist Party) Virus / SARS-CoV-2 Virus/Flu/Pandemic!

I better peck fast before I am covered up with Hate Mail because I dared to peck out the above paragraph.

I am not really happy that all this misery has been thrust upon us. It’s just that a see a sliver of relief slithering towards me because of all this misery that has been thrust upon us.

It has to do with Smiling. I don’t always want to smile. If someone says something that is Dirty Look Back At Them From Me Worthy, I would love to send a Dirty Look in their direction but social pressure has always required me to Smile and say something socially acceptable like...

Ø “Do you really think so?” (While thinking to myself, “What a jerk!”)

Ø “That’s very interesting.” (While thinking to myself, “It’s not near as interesting as the fact that that’s flawed thinking.”)

Ø “I never thought of that.” (While thinking to myself, “That’s because I have the ability to not think stupid thoughts.”)

Because we have all been hammered into being Politically Correct and I am tired of sawing off limbs on which I sit, I will probably not start saying any of my above While Thinking to Myself Thoughts but I do see that the wearing of these Pandemic Prevention Masks is offering me some small amount of I Don't Want To Smile Tension Relief...

I don’t have to smile at stupidity any longer because my mask is hiding that fact that I am not smiling!

I just may carry this True Feelings Security even further. My Mother taught me not to stick out my tongue at people who deserved to have a tongue stuck out at them. I am now free to stick out my tongue with reckless abandon!

I am so excited!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Why Won’t You Look At Me?

The Subject of this Blog Posting goes through our minds but is not often actually put into words by millions of us every day. This happens because we are interacting with people who are right in front of us but the people we are interacting with are paying us no nevermind.

The problem is our paying-no-attention-to-us friends are holding in their hands a Smartphone and the Smartphone has their constant attention and they are can’t stop looking at and pecking at it.

I was in a Mexican Restaurant last Saturday and my Only Friend (our little ongoing joke for the last 10 or so years) was at the table with me. I was paying attention to him and he was paying attention to me and we were the only people who were not paying ongoing constant interrupting attention to their Smartphones.

We were the first ones to occupy a table in the restaurant’s designated Outside Coronavirus/Wuhan Virus/Chinese Flu/ Novel Coronavirus/COVID-19/CCP (Chinese Communist Party) Virus/SARS-CoV-2 Virus/Flu/Pandemic Eating Survival Area. 

As soon as the occupants of the second table sat down, they each took out their Smartphones and started doing unnecessary things on it. (Maybe I was not paying attention to my Only Friend after all because I sure watched these 2 Smartphoners a lot.) 

When the menus arrived one of them put her Smartphone down and looked at the menu. The other one held the Menu in one hand and her Smartphone in the other and she continued to peck at the Smartphone while she read the Menu. (I sure hope this was not her only “talent”.)

Eventually 2 more tables were filled before we left. There were 3 Smartphoners at one table and 2 at the other 2 tables. As we left I took note that all 7 of them were looking at and pecking at their Smartphones.

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I may have put into a prior Blog Posting but I am about to put it again...

Steve Jobs Is In Heaven! ... Or is he still?

When Steve Jobs arrived in heaven he was assigned his cloud and given his never ending supply of Cannoli* and started munching away happily ever after. My sources tell me that God, being a keen observer of happenings down on Earth, keenly observed the Chaos that Steve’s Smartphone was causing and decided to relocate him. My sources did not want to presume where Steve went to but they are certain the direction he went was Not Up.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

* Don’t embarrass yourself by commenting to this Blog Posting to tell me I should have pecked out “Cannolis” because “Cannoli” is already plural and “Cannolo” is singular. (Now you and I and the Dictionary are the only ones that know this.)

The NFL Is Leading the Way...Or is it?

I can’t believe how uncaring the players in the NFL are considering the dire circumstances the Good Ole USofA is in during this dire situation as we try to cope with this dire pandemic that is causing us all to feel so dire.

What am I talking about? Oh, I thought everyone knew how uncaring the New Orleans Saints were when they uncaringly celebrated after a big victory (38 to 3) over the league-leading Buccaneers on 11/8/20.

They actually celebrated in their locker room after this emotional victory without their Face Masks on! Can you believe it? The NFL’s Imitation Leadership could not believe it and they are eventually going to fine the Saints a bunch of money after they finish throwing darts at the Official NFL Fine Invocation Dart Board. These are fines the NFL will certainly give to charity...Or will they?

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As I mentioned above the celebration happened after the 11/8/20 victory. The Saints have not been fined yet but, as of 11/22/20, these article headlines are still on the Internet...

Ø Report: Saints 'Facing Significant Discipline' for Celebration Videos Amid COVID

Ø Report: Saints face discipline for not wearing masks while celebrating after beating Buccaneers

Ø Report: NFL considering 'significant discipline' for Saints after postgame celebration

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The NFL is leading the way with their Admirable Stance against the Coronavirus/Wuhan Virus/Chinese Flu/ Novel Coronavirus/COVID-19/CCP (Chinese Communist Party) Virus/SARS-CoV-2 Virus/Flu/Pandemic!

I think the NFL is benefiting because of 2 things...

Ø A slick Public Relations Department

Ø A Gullible Country with a Short Memory

The NFL refused to react in any coherent way while the League and the Country were torn apart by the Kneeling during the National Anthem to Show Disrespect for the Country and for the Military Craziness was going on and on and on.

Then we saw the message change to We Are Not Showing Disrespect for the Country and for the Military Craziness by kneeling during the National Anthem we just happened to always Kneel during the National Anthem by Accident.

Originally the League quietly whispered, “Maybe you guys should not do the kneeling stuff”. Now the league has Apologized to the Kneelers and is running a series of videos called Salute to the Military and the too much of America is seeing the videos and saying, “Ain’t that nice of the NFL to do that?!”

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Back to the fining by the league for not following Coronavirus/Wuhan Virus/Chinese Flu/ Novel Coronavirus/COVID-19/CCP (Chinese Communist Party) Virus/SARS-CoV-2 Virus/Flu/Pandemic Guidelines.

Has anyone but me noticed players are in violation if they do not wear a mask in the locker room after playing a 3 hours game while these kinds of things are happening?...

Ø On the sidelines during the game only a few coaches are wearing masks (the ones the camera will be on during the game).

Ø The players on the field are not wearing masks while they...
>Collide with each other (at close range).
>Shout at each other (while inches apart).
>Don’t wear masks on the sidelines when not in the game.
>After the game the players walk around the field and hug each other (at close range).
>After the game the players walk around the field and congratulate each other (while their mouths are inches apart).

They have to get so close because they can’t hear each other say nice things to each other because the NFL still has the recording blasting away of a cheering crowd from the days when a cheering crowd was allowed inside the stadium to cheer.

Regarding the blasting away comment above, truthfully I am not sure if it is a Cheering Crowd or a Rap Ode to Colin Kaepernick entitled, “Colin, We Love You”.

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I got a fix for the NFL to consider...

The players should be required to Shout at Each Other and, most of all, Tackle Each Other From 6 Feet Away until this Dire Situation is behind us.

If the NFL adopts this logical rule change, we will all be convinced that the NFL is taking the Coronavirus/Wuhan Virus/Chinese Flu/ Novel Coronavirus/COVID-19/CCP (Chinese Communist Party) Virus/SARS-CoV-2 Virus/Flu/Pandemic Seriously.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: I have some very important advice for Saints Head Coach Sean Payton that I know he will appreciate...Or will he? I read this on the Internet (so you know it is true), “Saints coach Sean Payton joined his players for a brief celebration before showering and changing minutes after the game.” My advice is, Payton should never interact with his players after a game. He should never even look them in the eye. If he is approached by a player, he should say, “I don’t like you. Go away from me.” That ought to make the League Happy...Or will it?

You Did What?

This Automobile Commercial has been running for years and I think it is Foolishness. Did I just hear you say, “What makes you think you are an expert on Foolishness?”

OK, Mr. Smarty Pants Dear Reader, I will come to the defense of me on the subject of Foolishness and Silliness and Craziness. I have written more than 1,500 Blog Postings on these subjects. The only person who can even approach this record of “achievement” was Willy Wonka and he is dead and, even more than that, he never was alive.

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Let’s get back to the Automotive Commercial. You tell me if you think this is not Foolishness...

Ø An excited wife is shown outside her family home getting her Husband’s Christmas Present ready to be presented to an unsuspecting him.

Ø The getting ready part is...

>Parking it in exactly the right place.

>Putting the Gigantic Red Bow in exactly the right place on top of her about-to-be-shocked hubby’s new very expensive Christmas Present.

Yes, you now remember the commercial of which I speak. The new Christmas Present for her about-to-be-shocked like he has never been shocked before hubby is a Brand Spanking New Lexus.

Now I ask you how many wives are going to go out and spend more than $50,000 for a Christmas Present without first talking the purchase over with her husband.

This is Foolish. This is Silly. This is Crazy. However, this commercial must be working because it has been running every year for many years.

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What the commercial makers leave out of the commercial is the part where the wife makes the husband feel all better about her gigantic dip into their checkbook when she tells him...

Honey, the best part is the Gigantic Red Bow! I got such a deal on that Gigantic Red Bow you will not believe me when I tell you. All I had to pay was $312 a month for 36 Months but, my Lexus Salesman gave me 0% Interest!

There it is! There is that look on your face that my Salesman told me you were going to have on your face when I told you about the Gigantic Red Bow Deal I negotiated!

Shut your mouth, shocked hubby, and go take a ride in your New Lexus.

Merry Christmas from Lexus...Experience Amazing!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Reminder to Shocked Hubby... Before you go for your ride, be sure to remove your Gigantic Red Bow and store it in your garage. You would not want to have it blow off and get all dirty. Too bad your Lexus is going to be left outside because your Gigantic Red Bow will be taking up its parking space.

I Know It Is Against Federal Law to Question the CDC

The question I have is...

Is It Also Against Federal Law To Be Confused By The CDC?

If it is against the Federal Law to be confused, I am guilty as hell.

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A person could spend an entire day reading any one of the CDC’s Weekly Key Updates. Below is the link to CDC Web Site Key Update for Week 45, ending November 7, 2020. You are welcome to read all of it in detail but I recommend you just scroll through the confusion. Be patient, it will come to an end...Or will it?

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/covid-data/covidview/index.html

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The overriding guideline for any CDC Weekly Key Update is to Always Include Bad News. If the people who put together these updates can’t include enough Bad News they are instructed to, at the very least, insert as much Confusion as is possible.

I have selected 3 examples of Confusion Insertion that would win awards, if there were awards for such things. They usually are inserted at the end of a long Bad News paragraph. You may think I made these up but I did not...

Ø ...data for the most recent weeks may change as additional admissions occurring during those weeks are reported.

Ø ...other indicators have increased more rapidly in some regions.

Ø ...estimates from previous weeks are subject to change as data are updated with the most complete data available.

These are like saying, “All of the Bad News you just read may not be all of the Bad News because this situation may be Worst than just Bad”.

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I wonder what the Mortality Rate is for those who have tried to Adsorb, Analyze and Worry about the CDC’s Weekly Key Updates.

If you are wondering what would be the Cause of Death, I think there would be at least 3 very likely ways you could die from reading these updates...

Ø Extreme Irreversible Depression

Ø Extreme Irreversible Confusion

Ø Head Explosion

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It’s like a Poker Game. You dare to put into the pot some semblance of Good News and the CDC will raise you with an abundance of Bad News until you panic and fold up your cards.

During these Dire Economic Times one thing I am certain of is we will never hear someone say, “I’m really worried now. Did you notice that the CDC has started shortening the length of their Weekly Key Updates?”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

New Additions to the Top 5 List

I’ve said this often in recent years...

In those lists we often see published about the Richest People in the Good Ole USofA 3 of the top 5 have got to be Tattoo Artists.

Bob Dylan is visiting with me today and he just burst into song singing, The Times They Are a Changin.  Because we have been “blessed” with the Coronavirus/Wuhon Flu/Chinese Flu/COVID 19 Pandemic times around us are a changin faster than ever.

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I just checked out the latest Top 5 List and I was not surprised that the other 2 positions that formerly belonged to Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates are now occupied by 2 Owners of Plexiglas Manufacturing Companies.

What is that you just said? You just said you don’t know what Plexiglas is? Where have you been?

Plexiglas is the Upright See-Through Plastic Stuff that is between every customer being checked out and the checkout clerk checking them out in every store in the Good Ole USofA. You say you are still a little hazy about Plexiglas. Let me make it a little clearer for you...

Plexiglas is the Upright See-Through Plastic Stuff that is between every customer being checked out and the checkout clerk checking them out in every store in the Good Ole USofA that the Person Checking Out and the Clerk Checking Them Out are leaning to the side of so they can talk directly to each other and wondering why that Plastic Stuff has been put between them.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Why Does Anyone Want Evil People’s Stuff?

I saw an article where there was an auction of the Personal Belongings of Ted Kaczynski the Unabomber. There are a lot of things I don’t understand and this is one of them.

Before I move on with this Blog Posting allow me to tell you how stupid we (not me) are...

 In total 58 items were sold for $232,246

Why would anyone want anything that once belonged to an acknowledged bad guy and this bad guy is one really bad guy...

• The span of his crimes was 1978 to 1995.
• He killed 3 people.
• He wounded 23 people.
• He was convicted of 10 counts of transportation, mailing, and use of bombs and 3 counts of murder.
• He has been sentenced to serve 8 consecutive life sentences with no possibility of parole.

What are the people who end up acquiring his stuff going to do with his stuff? Let’s say that Sidney Sillyperson is now the proud owner of the Unabomber’s Shoes. How is he going to go about enjoying his new old shoes?

Here are some circumstances where Sidney might convince his silly self that he has made a wise purchase...

• Sidney might put them on and wear them to grocery store but this might not work because the people he came in contact with would not know that he was wearing a really special pair of shoes.
• He might have to resort to wearing a sandwich board that called the other shopper’s attention to the fact that they were in the presence of something really special.
• Maybe he could partner with the grocery store proprietor and an announcement could be made over the store’s PA System along these lines, “At this very moment in the canned meat aisle one of your fellow shoppers is proudly wearing the Unabomber’s Actual Shoes. Get 25% off on canned corned beef while the Proud Unabomber Shoe Owner shops in the canned meat aisle. This is a limited time offer. Better get there quickly because once he makes his turn into the pasta aisle this savings opportunity is null and void.”

As for me, I would not want to own the Unabomber’s Shoes. There are things I would pay big bucks to own. For example, I would jump at the chance to acquire Jack be Nimble’s Candlestick! What a treasure that would be!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Here is more than you ever wanted to know about Jack be Nimble...

Jack the Pirate: The nursery rhyme Jack be Nimble refers to an English privateer (later pirate) named Black Jack Smatt. Black Jack lived on Jamaica, in Port Royal, which during the Golden Age of Piracy was known as “The Wickedest City on Earth.” Black Jack was one of the most famous pirates of the Caribbean, particularly for the reason of being notoriously smart (and quick and nimble) to escape from authorities, who in his later pirate years wanted to capture and hang him. 

Jack the Jumper: Jumping over the candlestick was an old medieval game. It originated from an ancient pagan tradition of jumping over fires. A person was supposed to jump over a burning candle so that the flame was not extinguished. This was seen as a good luck forecast.

Shoot the Leg and Only the Leg

There is a Life-Long Politician out there that is quoted as saying, “We can do this; you can ban chokeholds. But beyond that you have to teach people how to de-escalate circumstances, de-escalate. So instead of anybody coming at you, and the first thing you do is shoot to kill, you shoot them in the leg”.

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Contrary to this astute pronouncement by this Experienced Politician, neither the cops nor anyone else (except perhaps the late John Wayne) could plan to shoot people in the leg as a matter of routine practice.

Unless a target is at close range and standing perfectly still, it’s very difficult to hit a specific location on the body. In reality, people are often moving during an actual shootout, which means that legs and arms can be the hardest part of the body to hit.

David Klinger, professor of Criminology and Criminal Justice at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, who had served as a Los Angeles Police Department officer, told of a 1981 incident in which a suspect stabbed Klinger’s partner in the chest with a Butcher Knife, then jumped on him and held the Butcher Knife to his throat. After Klinger shot the suspect, piercing his aorta and left lung, the suspect still fought for another 30 seconds, requiring six officers to subdue him.

In other words, the suspect attacker was still capable of killing a person for 30 full seconds. 30 full seconds is an eternity when an attacker is on top of you with bad intent and a Butcher Knife.

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Fella has a better idea. Next time this Expert Marksman Politician is attacked by an Enraged Constituent with a Butcher Knife he should shoot the Butcher Knife out of the charging constituent’s hand. He should also be mindful enough to hit only the Butcher Knife and not the hand because, after the Enraged Constituent has seen the error of his ways, he will need a fully functioning hand to make his way in the world.

After all, Enraged Attacking Constituents are people too.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Finding Another Way...12 Year Update

When I first found this article about this Craziness out in San Francisco I went to various sites to see if it was a spoof by some other spoofer other than me. I found out it was true. I am sad to report to you, my Dear Readers, that it is still true. L

I have actually done 2 updates over the years to this story about what the crazy people in San Francisco call the Suicide Deterrent Net System.

First, I will give you the original the Blog Posting and then I will play around with this some more...

Finding Another Way

If someone wants to commit suicide, they will find another way.

October 15, 2008 | 12:51 PM

On Saturday October 11, 2008 I read where the city of San Francisco is considering a stainless steel net under the Golden Gate Bridge to prevent people from committing suicide by jumping off the bridge.

This net will cost somewhere between $40 & $50 million. What do you want to bet it will end up being closer to that $50 million figure?

There is no law that requires a person who commits suicide to jump off of the Golden Gate Bridge. If someone wants to kill himself, there are a lot of other ways to get the job done. What is next for the suicide prevention minded city council of San Francisco? …

Ø  Nets under all tall buildings, trees and ladders?

Ø  Outlawing all tall buildings, trees and ladders?

Ø Requiring all tall buildings, trees and ladders be short?

I may be one step ahead of the city council but I wonder if they have thought of the possibility that the suicide minded person might just scramble up the stainless steel net and continue their plunge? I know what they could do if the jumpers started crawling up the net, they could shoot them.

Would I kid u?
SmartFella

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The project is actually under construction. The cost has rocketed past the $40 to $50 Million mentioned above to (I feel certain this latest number is an estimate which means it’s still going higher) $211 Million!

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The good people at the Golden Gate Bridge Highway & Transportation District actually think that what they are doing is so important that the whole world wants to read about everything they do.

To help the whole world read about everything they do they have their web site set up so that everything they do it can be translated into 108 Different Languages.

Yes, the people who speak Siberian can read all about everything they do. Here is the first paragraph of what Siberians see while they are reading all about it... 

Ажурирање пројекта за спречавање самоубистава на мосту Голден Гате

12. децембра 2019

Мост Голден Гате Бридге, Хигхваи анд Транспортатион Дистрицт је у процесу изградње система за спречавање самоубистава (СДНС) за одвраћање самоубистава на мосту постављањем физичке баријере између особе и воде испод. СДНС се састоји од морске мреже од нерђајућег челика причвршћене за носаче структурних челичних мрежа постављених 20 стопа испод тротоара и пружајући се 20 стопа изнад воде.

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One last item that caught my eye is one of the 108 languages is Latin. I took 4 years of Latin in High School and I will now share all of what I know about Latin...

Latin Is a Dead Language

That means no one speaks Latin any longer and probably most of them are also dead. That being the case, the good people at the Golden Gate Bridge Highway & Transportation District could have simplified their web site and only offered 107 Language Options and no one would have been the wiser.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

This Is Progress...Or is it?

It looks like I got ahead of myself on this Blog Posting. It was not until I had finished pecking it out that I decided to search my Published Blog Postings to find out if I had already written about the New Senator from Colorado. It was then I found out I had done just that on April 2, 2019.

Don’t chastise me. It is hard to remember the 1,491 I have published in Blogger (much less the many I have done in other outlets).

Trying to cover for myself, I realized that I had done a pretty good job on this new one and, even though there is some duplication, I really did treat him and his proclivities from a rather different viewpoint, so I’m keeping it and I recommend you read on.

If you were to be perfectly honest with me, you can’t remember what I said in my Blog Postings on November 1, 2 and 3, so why should you not take my recommendation in the paragraph above and Read On!

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Allow me to introduce to you our new Senator from Colorado. The Bold Text below comes to you out of a Smoke-Filled Room in the past...

OK. This is serious! The word it out that when John was in the second grade he dipped Peggy Sue’s Pigtail in his ink well. We have got to control this story! This is the kind of scandal that can ruin his chances for being elected to any political office at any time in the future!

That was the Smoke-Filled Past and, my Dear Readers, this is the So What Present...

John Hickenlooper was elected Mayor of Denver, Governor of Colorado, briefly ran for President last year and he is now the New U.S. Senator from Colorado.

While he was Governor and before he ran for President (and Senator) he wrote a book about all of his sexual escapades and, obviously, it did not hurt his Political Chances in the least.

It’s sort of like... Peggy Sue’s Pigtail Be Damned, Full Speed Ahead!

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Amazon has this as its online enticement to buy his book: 

“The maverick (and very funny) governor of Colorado tells his story, from early loss to college on the ten-year plan, to remarkable business and political success.
 
In just over a decade, John Hickenlooper has gone from brew pub entrepreneur to governor of Colorado, hailed by political analysts and media alike as a solid contender to be the next vice president. In The Opposite of Woe, Hickenlooper tells his own story of unlikely success in his singularly sharp and often hilarious voice.”

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The source for the 3 paragraphs below is... https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/hickenlooper-offers-something-different-in-crowded-democratic-field-a-detailed-history-of-his-sexual-conquests

If Democratic voters are struggling to see what sets John Hickenlooper apart from the 2020 pack they need to look no further than his autobiography, which outlines in excruciating detail his quest to lose his virginity and, seemingly, every sexual exploit since.

The candidate's book, The Opposite of Woe: My Life in Beer and Politics, outlines the journey from a child in the Philadelphia suburbs to the president of a brewing company, mayor of Denver, and then governor of Colorado.

Sprinkled throughout is the minutiae of his angst-ridden relationships with women, named and unnamed. A Washington Examiner analysis totaled Hickenlooper's declared sexual partners at seven, including his two wives. Even his experience of the 9/11 terrorism attacks is viewed through the prism of whom he was in bed with at the time.

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The source for the 2 bolded paragraphs below is... https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2019/03/21/john-hickenlooper-took-mom-see-adult-movie-deep-throat/3231629002/

In March 2019, after he announced he was running for President of the United States, Hickenlooper told this story...

The former Democratic governor of Colorado explained how he once took his mother to see the adult film "Deep Throat" with him and a friend.

Hickenlooper recounts the story in a 2016 memoir, the Denver Post reported.

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As proof we have moved on from being put off about such things, I offer the refrain we heard from supporters of that famous political Big Wig from not that long ago... “Everybody lies about sex”.

This Is Progress...Or is it?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe:

Hickenlooper announced his candidacy for president on March 4, 2019 arguing that he was best positioned to carry Democrats to victory in 2020.

"I believe that not only can I beat Donald Trump, but that I am the person that can bring people together on the other side and actually get stuff done," he said.

Proof that he is an astute politician is seen in the fact that he used the word “stuff”. Voters fall for that word every time.

The Polight-Part IV

• 2008 Presidential Election...I published the first Blog Posting about The Polight.
• 2012 Presidential Election...I refreshed your collective memories by publishing The Polight again.
• 2016 Presidential Election...I did it for the third time.
• 2020 Presidential Election...Today is the big day and I am doing it again.

This election has been the worst yet! The name ought to be changed from Presidential Election Season to Presidential Election Intrusion. We used to say, “It’s All Over but the Shouting”. This time it looks like we may be saying, “It’s All Over but the Rioting”. 😡

I now see I have made a 12 year mistake with this Polight Posting. I have unconsciously implied that Presidential Candidates are the only liars. Please forgive me. My idea was for the Polight (Politician Lie Detecting Light) not a Preslight (Presidential Candidate Lie Detection Light).

My 2 recent Blog Postings about those Lying Fliers proves that Politics at any level and Lying go hand in hand.

I have modified the original Polight Posting below to reflect the change to Politician Lie Detecting Light

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There ought to be a law requiring a red light be surgically implanted on the top of the head of any candidate running for Political Office. The light would function as follow...

• If the candidate were speaking a lie, the light would turn on.
• If the candidate were making a proposal that was physically impossible to actually be implemented (which happened often), the light would turn on. For example: “My fellow Americans, today I am proposing that all B52’s that I send to drop nuclear bombs on anyone anywhere have a gear or a gadget or a doohickey installed that will allow the pilot to be able to stop forward flight and reverse direction within 25 feet, just in case I change my mind.”

Because of many politician's propensity to lie unceasingly or make statements on subjects about which they have no knowledge and/or impossible to actually implement, the Polight would have to be rigged so that it would blink every 20 seconds. If this were not the case and the light stayed on all the time, voters might begin to think the Polight was broken and then where would we be?

I can hear you out there saying to your collective selves, “This is Really Foolishness!” It may be but can you picture in your mind’s eye how wonderful it would be if such a Foolish Device really existed? Who knows but we might be able to see some Truthfulness at the End of the Tunnel and would that not be wonderful?

We are a country that used to be able to put a man on the moon. We ought to be able to make this happen!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: I gave serious thought to making all Politicians’ Noses grow like Pinocchio’s Nose each time they lied but I decided that idea had too many drawbacks. Can you picture the chaos there would be during a State of the Union Address as members would be messing up hairdos, knocking off troupes, eyes would be being poked all over the chamber, etc.

It may be chaos but it might really liven up the State of the Union Address. I can just hear the folks back home saying, “I really think they should not have put the State of the Union Address on at the same time as the Super Bowl but I going to watch the State of the Union Address for sure! I would not miss it for all the tea in China!”

What If You Held A Hearing And No One Came To Your Hearing?

In our 9% Approval Rated Congress this happens all the time.

I just passed through the TV Room where my wife was watching a Congressional Hearing on CSPAN (I make a habit of passing through and never sitting down to watch CSPAN Congressional Hearings).

What caught my eye as I passed through was here was another hearing in process where the chamber was empty, except for the Chairman and the Testifier. 

Actually the Testifier was not there either because he was COVID Elsewhere. It looked to me like he was in a Taco Mac because of all the men jumping around behind him. Someone must have just scored a touchdown.

Because of my many trips to D.C. (usually wearing my potted plant outfit) I saw I actually knew the Chairman so I texted him. He was excited to get my text because he was having trouble staying awake and my ring a dingy jolted him back into a state where he looked to the CSPAN Viewership like he was interested in the proceedings before him.

He said he was trying to figure out how he could resign his Chairmanship without being accused of some major transgression of some regulation or stipulation or something or other. He said he was especially concerned about being put on trial for Treason. He did not think for a moment he was guilty of Treason but these days Senators and Congressmen are accusing each other of Treason a lot and he just does not want the hassle.

He started to get his dander (whatever that is) up. He said it was not fair that he was required to sit through these hearings just because he was the Chairman while others were free to stay back in their plush Congressional Offices and drink fruity drinks with little umbrellas in them and take naps or, better yet, take bribes.

At this point I had had enough of him and I started to make like the call had dropped by saying, “Hello. Hello. Are you there? I can’t hear you. Have we been cut off? Hello. Hello.”

His response was kind of sad. He said, “I know what you are doing. I get this from the folks back home a lot.”

And then he hung up the phone and I felt sorry for him all over again.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Which One Of You Said, “Those People In Dallas, Texas Don’t Give A Hoot About COVID Social Distancing Guidelines!”

This came from my daughter in Dallas yesterday. There were several COVID Candy Shoots in her neighborhood but this was the longest.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Someone Ought To Go To Jail!

 

It’s me again, I am still upset about this Never-Ending Election and I’m still shouting Aghhh!

Did I just hear you say, “What’s got you so upset now?” Here’s what’s now... I now have this new flier in my hand and I am certain that this mailer contains verifiable information on it that Someone Ought To Go To Jail. I would not, however, not hold your breath. People in DC don’t go to jail. That’s why they invented Martha Stewart.

Martha Stewart is no Admiral David Farragut who gave the order at the Battle of Mobile Bay, “Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!” (His actual order was, “Damn the torpedoes! Four bells. Captain Drayton, go ahead! Jouett, full speed!”) 

Martha Stewart may be no Admiral Farragut but she does have a quote in Fella’s Really Neat Quotes-Volume 1. On June 25, 2002, CBS anchor Jane Clayson was grilling Martha Stewart on the air about her stock trading troubles on The Early Show. Stewart continued chopping cabbage and responded, "I want to focus on my salad”.

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Let’s get back to the flier in my hand. What it says about a certain candidate for the U.S. Senate is hard to believe...

Ø He scheduled two fundraisers on million-dollar yachts to collect big checks from high powered DC lobbyists.

Ø He has already taken nearly $300,000 in special interest cash from the same Hollywood liberals and Big Tech corporations that are trying to destroy President Trump and silence conservatives.

Ø He has banked over $1.3 million in paychecks funded by the U.S. Taxpayers.

Here’s where going to jail comes into play...

Ø If these things are true, the candidate with the bulging pockets ought to go to jail.

Ø If these things are not true, the candidate that made up these lies about the poor candidate without the bulging pockets ought to go to jail.

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That brings me to Early Voting. There ought to be a law that informs you when you are reading the last flier about any particular candidate. If this were the case, you will know that you are now in possession of the last lie you are going to receive about this particular candidate and you can then make a Completely Informed Decision about whether you want to vote for this Potential Public Servant or the other Potential Public Servant.

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It has been awhile since I told you about Geraldine, so I’m going to do it again...

The late Flip Wilson used to play a female character named Geraldine Jones. Geraldine used to say, “Honey, a lie is as good as the truth as long as you get somebody to believe you”.

Geraldine is no longer with us but her words live on and I bet there is a statue dedicated to her in the Politician’s Hall of Fame.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella