If Someone Else Changes Their Name To Something Stupid, Why Can't I Change My Name To Something Stupid Also?

Jermaine Jackson has changed his name from Jackson to Jacksun. Since he is a celebrity, I know you think he had a good and logical motivation for deciding to tell the world he forgot how to spell.

According to his attorney, this is his good and logical motivation...

“Artistic Reasons”

This is probably Modern Art. I never did understand Modern Art.

His attorney went on to say, "If Prince and P. Diddy can do it why can't and shouldn't Jermaine?"

Since the attorney brought up Prince and P. Diddy, I will now demonstrate the “Artistic Thinking” of these two Clear Thinking and Inspirational American Celebrities.

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Prince has Artistically Tinkered with his name as follows...

Ø Jamie Starr

Ø Christopher

Ø Alexander Nevermind

Ø Joey Coco

Ø  (This research has been very educational for me. I learned  is The Love Symbol.)

Ø The Artist Formerly Known As Prince

Ø The Artist

Prince also ventured into “inspiring” us about religion...

In June 2011, Prince was quoted in The Guardian as saying "It's fun being in Islamic countries, to know there's only one religion. There's order. You wear a burqa. There's no choice. People are happy with that."

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Now, that I have completely confused you, I will move on to P. Diddy. This ought to really get your head spinning.

Rapper Sean Combs (the name his inartistic parents gave him) started in the game as Puff Daddy before becoming known as...

Ø Puffy

Ø Puff

Ø P. Diddy

Ø Diddy

Ø King Combs

Ø Sean John

Ø For one week, he wanted to be known as Swag.

For those who have been hiding under a hip-hop culture rock for the past few years, "swag" is short for "swagger" and according to the Urban Dictionary is defined as, "How one presents him or herself to the world."

Temporary Swag announced the change via his official Twitter Account and even set up a New Twitter Account to reflect his temporaryness.

"I decided that I’m gonna change my name for a week in honor of my comeback," he said on a video he released. "I’ve gone as Puff, Puffy, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy, King Combs – my real name is Sean Combs – and for a week, this week only, you can call me by my new name, Swag.”

========================

After reading about Prince & P. Diddy you might think they are Silly. If you do not think they are Silly, then you are the one being Foolish this time around.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

del.icio.us Tags: Prince,P. Diddy,Jermaine Jackson,Jermaine Jacksun

No Matter How Big It Is A Molehill Is Still A Molehill

I do not normally publish two blog postings in a single day but many members of our 13% Approval Rated Congress have contacted me asking for some words of encouragement. I always like to help out where I can.

Before I throw the numbers at you and them, allow me to try to explain why I am confused about my confusion.

My newspaper tells me that the Republicans & the Democrats & the President are arguing about cutting $85,000,000,000 (Billion) out of a $3,800,000,000,000 (Trillion) Budget.

The root of my confusion can be summed up in the question, What Budget? Congress has not passed a Budget in years.

Oh, I beg your pardon, I just figured it out. In Washington D.C. thinking, “Budget” does not mean the limit of what Congress is Allowed To Spend. It means the total amount of money that it Intends To Spend.

========================

Again I will digress into a further futile attempt to educate our Congress about numbers...

85 Billion Is 85 Thousand Million

3.8 Trillion Is 3.8 Thousand Billion

========================

Now that I have gotten that off my heavily loaded chest, I will switch from Expenses to Income and explain why A Molehill Is A Molehill. I always like to try and get our 12% Approval Rated Congress (just went down a point) to look on the bright side...

•  $85 Billion is only 2.2% of $3.8 Trillion.
•  If a Tax Payer (formerly known as a Citizen) makes $100,000, then 2.2% is only $2,237.
• $2,237 is not that much money, if you make $100,000.

Here is where I attempt to get our Congress to look on the bright side...

My dear Members of Congress, think of it this way: This means that the Tax Payer (formerly known as a Citizen) in my example above still retains $97,763 that he can pay in taxes.

I feel better knowing that those members of Congress who read my Blog on a regular basis and those who called me for encouragement can sleep better tonight.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Flickr Tags: Budget,Congress,$85 Billion

I Don’t Think Doctors Are This Evil

No matter what your political persuasion, I would hope that all my readers would agree that this is an awful thing to say about the people who spend their lives trying to heal the sick.

I found this quote in defense of Obamacare in the USA Today...

"The total cost of care will go down per patient because hospital chains will no longer have an incentive to keep patients sick."

Do they really think that the Medical Profession in this country is this depraved?

If the people who think this way ever get a Dire Debilitating Disease, I really doubt they will go lay in a hammock on their back porch where they will be safe from the evils of a visit to a hospital.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Flickr Tags: Obamacare,Hospital,Hospitals

This Would Not Fix All Our Spending Problems BUT It Would Be A Good Start

If you click on the link below, you can read about how one Senator in one year saved $600,000 in the expenditures needed to run his Senate Office by being frugal...

$600,000 times 435 Members of Congress Equals $261,000,000 a Year

That, my dear readers, is more than a drop in the bucket. That is a Good Start.

Click Here: http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/feb/21/rand-paul-writes-600k-check-us-treasury/

========================

I know I have many Economists in my list of readers and I know every one of them just said, “On the other hand (Economists love to say, “On the other hand” ), Smartfella, $261,000,000 is not a lot of money. Our Post Office loses that much money in only 10.44 days”.*

* Source: Reuters News Agency February 20, 2013...”the Postal Service losing roughly $25 million a day as more Americans opt for email and the Internet for communication”.

In my ongoing attempt to be completely forthcoming with my readers please understand I added the underline to the words “a day”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

LiveJournal Tags: Rand Paul,Post Office

Putting Wal-Mart Out Of Business Could Prove Very Costly

There are many among us who appear to have a burning desire to put Wal-Mart completely out of business.

If Wal-Mart were actually done away with I feel quite certain that Congress would feel obligated to create a subsidy whereby all abandoned Wal-Mart Customers would receive a reimbursement from the U.S. Treasury for all the money they would have saved at Wal-Mart if only Wal-Mart had not gone out of business.

Picture in your mind’s eye how many people who never set foot into a Wal-Mart and who actively campaigned against Wal-Mart’s very existence would be frantically filling out the Wal-Mart Economic Hardship Reimbursement Form.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Technorati Tags: Wal-Mart,Walmart

The Mother Of All Revenue Enhancements

It seems that the fines against British Petroleum for the 2010 Gulf Oil Spill never stop coming. Every time I turn around there is a new umpteen billions of dollars of fines announced against BP for the Spill.
I’m actually starting to feel sorry for BP but I’m being careful about saying so because I’m well aware that feeling sorry for BP is against Federal Law.
This got me to thinking that there must be a plan in the works to completely finance all the operations of the Federal Government by continuing to impose fines against BP.
This BP Revenue Enhancement Stream will come flowing in, slide right past all our empty lock boxes and be spewed out of Congress before BP realizes that they have become a Non-Profit Corporation. Once they are a Non-Profit it will be OK to like them again.

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Who said our Federal Government does not know what it is doing? Was it me? If so, I wish there were some way I could apologized to Congress for all those bad things I have been saying about it.
My lawyers, however, have advised me to hold off on the apology. They say I should check with them before I issue any apologies because Congress is in the final stages of a tax that is going to be a real revenue enhancer.
This one is truly ingenious. They are going to start taxing Apologies. It’s going to be called the Apologies For America Act (AFAA).
Celebrities and Sports Heroes are especially nervous about the AFAA Tax.
Actually there are some members of Congress that see the AFAA Tax as a much more lucrative source of Revenue Enhancement than even the BP Suck ‘Em Dry Act.
This will never happen but, if the AFAA Tax could be expanded to include Politicians, this source of funding would be truly limitless.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella

BuzzNet Tags: Revenue Enhancements,British Petroleum,BP,Apologies

Understanding Sequester In Understandable Bullet Points

Now you can be the first on your block to fully understand Sequester. Read carefully. It is complicated. Congress likes it that way.

This Is The Introduction...

• Sequester is a legal term whereby valuable property is taken into custody for safekeeping in order to prevent the property from being disposed of before a dispute over its ownership can be resolved.
• Congress now uses it to describe a fiscal policy procedure originally provided for in the Gramm-Rudman-Hollings Deficit Reduction Act of 1985.
• This act tried to reform Congressional voting procedures to make the size of the Federal government's budget deficit a matter of conscious choice.
• Before Gramm-Rudman-Hollings Deficit Reduction Act the budget was simply the arithmetical outcome of a decentralized appropriations process in which no one ever looked at the cumulative results until it was too late to change them.

This Is The Smartfella Telling You How Smart A Fella He Is...

You may remember I recently blogged about my Spend & Tax Proposal for Congress. I thought I was being silly. I did not know that that’s exactly what Congress made a practice of doing. If you want to refresh your memory about my silly but true blog, click here... http://forii.blogspot.com/2013/01/all-this-time-congress-has-had-it.html

Expansion Of The Introduction Above Before I Interrupted Myself To Tell You How Smart I Was...

• If the appropriation bills passed separately by Congress provide for total government spending in excess of the limits Congress earlier laid down for itself, and if Congress cannot agree on ways to cut back the total, then an "automatic" form of spending cutback takes place.
• This automatic spending cut is what is called “Sequestration”.
• Under Sequestration, an amount of money equal to the difference between the cap set in the Budget Resolution and the amount actually appropriated is Sequestered and not handed over to the agencies to which it was originally appropriated by Congress.
• In theory, every agency has the same percentage of its appropriation withheld in order to take back the excessive spending on an "across the board" basis.

As Usual Our Duly Elected Snidely Whiplashes (Congress) Steps In and Messes Things Up...

• Congress for years has been choosing to exempt certain programs from the Sequestration Process.
• The number of exempted programs has tended to increase over time.
• This means that Sequestration would have to take back gigantic shares of the budgets of the remaining programs in order to achieve the total cutbacks required.
• In other words the unexempted programs would have been virtually crippled.

The Bottom Line...

• Congress did favors for some and not others and they have made a workable plan (Gramm-Rudman-Hollings Deficit Reduction Act of 1985) unworkable.
• The prospect of Sequestration became so catastrophic that Congress has been unwilling to let it happen.
• Instead, Congress has repeatedly chosen to raise the Budget Resolution spending caps to match the actual totals already appropriated.
• The bottom of the bottom line is Congress wiped out the incentives that the reformed budget procedures were expected to provide for them to get better control of the budget deficit.

Let’s Look At All of This in A Little Different Way

Did your 5^th Grader just walk into your computer

room and say, “What are you doing?” Rather than trying to explain all of the above (which I am certain you fully comprehended), tell the little tyke to read these hypothetical 5th grade bullets below...

• The entire Federal Government is composed of 10 departments.
• Each Department has a budget of $100,000.
• Your little tyke immediately figures out that the total budget is $1,000,000.
• There is a major downturn in the economy which results in a major downturn in tax revenue.
• Everyone agrees that there must be a 10% reduction in expenditure by the Federal Government.
• All members of Congress get out their calculators and they compute that each department must cut $10,000.
• Everyone agrees that each department will have to cut $10,000.
• They all go to Happy Hour happy.
• The next day Senator Foghorn proposes to exempt department #1 from participating in the expense reduction and that proposal is agreed upon by Congress.
• Within minutes Senator Slick proposes to exempt department #7 from participating in the expense reduction and that proposal is agreed upon by Congress.
• Within minutes Senator Willie proposes to exempt department #4 from participating in the expense reduction and that proposal is agreed upon by Congress.
• This process is repeated 6 more times until the only department not exempted is department #8.
• Everyone agrees that department #8 will have to bear the full cut of the Federal Government’s required reduction of $100,000.
• Then the newest member of Congress (he has not been there long enough to stop thinking) steps up and says his calculator tells him department #8 will have to forfeit its entire budget of $100,000.
• Everyone agrees that it is unconscionable that any department should not have any money to spend.
• Everyone agrees that they must borrow $100,000 from China.
• They all go to Happy Hour happy.

The only parts of this entire blog posting that are complete fabrications are the lines that say “everyone agrees”. That never happens.

Now do you understand how Congress works?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

IceRocket Tags: Sequester,Sequestration

Mathematically Correct

If the Postal Service can save $2 Billion by not delivering mail on Saturday, could they not save another $10 Billion if they discontinued delivering mail on Monday through Friday?

Don’t question me on this one. Father Hatrel told me in 1957, “Smartfella, mathematics is an exact science”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

IceRocket Tags: Math,Mathematics,Postal Service,Post Office

If Someone Throws A Brick At Our Head, We All Would Appreciate Someone Else Shouting, “Duck!”

When something bad is about to happen we ought to be told so we can take action to prevent the bad thing from affecting us in a negative way.

It does not work this way with the Stock Market. The people in charge of issuing depressing news about the economy have been working overtime for quite a while but the Stock Market seems to be paying no attention.

It seems like we are Alice and we have stumbled into WonderWhat’sGoingOnLand...

• Every time the shouters shout at us that bad things are about to happen to the economy the Stock Market goes up instead of down.
• There are three levels of bad news... Not So Good Indicators, Awful Trends and Dire Predictions.

For years now they have been making lots of Dire Predictions. The direr they make their Dire Predictions the more the Stock Market goes up.

The Smartfella (who has been proven to know something about some things) is here to tell you...

Do not put all your eggs into the Stock Market. By far a sounder course of action would be to put your eggs (money) in a coffee can and bury the can in your back yard. When you dig the can up, your money may stink but at least you will have stinky money.

I am one of the millions of people who like to say, “I told you so”. If you ignore me and decide to trust the Stock Market, when it all comes apart, I am warning you here and now, Stay Out Of My Back Yard!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

LiveJournal Tags: Stock Market

Don’t You Ever Ever Ever Tell Me I Do Not Know What I Am Talking About!

The Pope is resigning and the Smartfella predicted this very happening on September 24, 2012.

The specific part of that blog posting that addressed the Pope resigning is in blue below...

At present we have a rash of shows that start with the word “The”...

The View, The Chat, The Chew, The Five, The Talk, The Doctors, The Voice

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know that I have spies all over the world. My sources tell me that Pope Benedict XVI has decided to become the first Pope to resign without first having to die.

He is especially disillusioned because he goes to great effort to visit many different countries and prepares very inspiring speeches which he hopes will go a long way toward making the world we live in a better place. However, his messages are never reported in the news. The only things ever reported in the news are that he went on a trip and he kissed the ground when he got off his Pope Plane. His messages of hope and inspiration are World Wide Well Kept Secrets.

If you think about this for a minute, you will realize that this is not Foolishness.

There is one exception to this Papal Information Ban. If he gets shot, that will make the 24 Hour News Cycle.

He will be relocating to California. He is really excited and has already bought a Puka Shell Necklace and 3 pairs of White Flip Flops.

What’s he going to do in California, you ask? Don’t you see it coming? He is going to have a Daytime Television Talk Show. It’s going to be called...

The Pope

Would I kid u?

It seems I was wrong when I said above, “Pope Benedict XVI has decided to become the first Pope to resign without first having to die”.

The news today tells me the last one to step down did his stepping down in the Middle Ages. Please forgive me. This is the only time I have ever been wrong about anything in the long storied history of writing Foolishness...Or Is It? ... Or is it?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

43 Things Tags: Pope,Pope Resigns,Daytime Talk Shows

In The Interest Of Accuracy

We are constantly being told on TV, in the Newspapers and on the Radio that we are mortgaging our children and our grandchildren’s futures.

In the interest of accuracy I think all these news outlets ought to be required to add on... “and our great grandchildren’s futures”. 😟

I wish I were kidding u. 

Smartfella

BuzzNet Tags: mortgaging,accuracy in media     

Who Do You Trust?

An article in the Wall Street Journal of January 28, 2013 on page A2 painted a dire picture of where us folks in the Good Ole USofA feel we can go to for factual information that we can trust.

A survey by the University of Chicago Booth School of Business and Northwestern’s Kellogg School of Management showed...

• Only 33% of us trust Banks.
• Only 17% of us trust the Stock Market.
• Only 17% of us trust Large Corporations.

A June 2012 Gallop Poll showed...

• Only 25% of us trust Newspapers.
• Only 21% of us trust Television News.
• Only 21% of us trust Organized Labor.
• Only 13% of us trust Congress.

A September 2012 Gallop Poll showed...

• Only 50% of us trust our Government to solve Domestic Problems.

I have one question about the last bullet above. How in the heck do 50% of us still have faith that the Government is going to be able to solve our Domestic Problems?

Have I knocked your dobber in the dirt completely?

The article goes on to say that Government Regulators do not trust the businesses they regulate and, when this is the case, they regulate them more. Woe is us!

Well at least a picture is still worth a thousand words and can always be trusted because you can see it with your own eyes.

If ever they invent something like Photoshop we are going to add pictures to the list of things that we can’t trust.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Flickr Tags: Photoshop,Congress,Newspapers,Television News,Banks,Stock Market,Organized Labor