Banking R Us

I just went into my bank to Close Out a CD. The person who processed the closing out asked me, “Did you find a better rate?” I said, “No” and she kept right on processing my Close Out. I guess she had been trained to ask this question but not trained on what to do if she got an answer.

Actually I was going to be moving my money no matter what she could have said because the people who work in this bank know nothing about People and Banking and it has been this way for years.

For example, no one taught them to say, “Hello, how are you today?” They just look at you and wait for you to say something.

For example, if you ask them a question, they turn away from you and get on the phone to someone out in Banking Wonderland and ask them the question you just asked them. I’ll try not to exaggerate but, if you asked them, “What day of the week is it?” I am absolutely certain they would turn away from you and get on the phone to someone out in Banking Wonderland and ask them, “What day of the week is it?” OK, I exaggerated...Or did I?

For example, after telling her that I had not found a better rate, 3-4 minutes later I got curious and said, “What is your rate?” She did not say, “I’ve got that right at my finger tips”. She did not say, “I have the current rates right here on my desk. Our current rate for a CD is XX%”

I know very little about running a bank but I know a lot about Common Sense. I am of a mind to think that any person dealing with customers in a bank should have the latest rates for every kind of service they offer laying on their desks for quick reference in case a customer asks to be serviced.

After I asked what the rate is, she said nothing but she continued looking at her 2 Gigantic Computer Screens. She looked left and right and up and down. She changed computer screens about 4-5 times. Eventually she said, “.15%”. I said, “Give me a check”. She did not seem surprised at my asking for a check but continued to work at getting me a check. At least I think that’s what she was doing because she said nothing to me.

After I got my check I walked to the Credit Union right next door to my Bank and deposited my check into a CD which is going to earn me a whopping .65% for the next 12 months.

By saying “Whopping” I don’t mean to imply that .65% is a Jimma Carter kind of CD Return, but when compared to .15%, it is Whopping.

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Everyone in this bank, except me, was wearing a mask. There was a time when if someone wearing a mask walked into a bank this happened...

Ø Everyone working in the bank dove for the floor.

Ø Everyone who was near a Notify the Police That There Is a Robbery Happening Right Now Button pressed the button.

Ø The button sent out an alarm to every Donut Shop within a 5 mile radius.

Ø Everyone started praying.

In the COVID Age everyone who sees someone walk in with a mask on thinks, “Thank heaven! He’s got a mask on!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

You Know Of Him Because Of All The Great Things This Great Man Did...Or Do You?

Of course, you know of this Great Man because of the 5 Great Bullet Points listed below...Or do you?

• He is the man most responsible for creating the Motion Picture Camera.
• He invented the Slide Rule.
• He found a way to Purity England’s Drinking Water.
• He was primarily responsible for the Development of General Anesthesia.
• He contributed no fewer than 300,000 Words to the Encyclopedia Britannica because of the hundreds of Scholarly Papers he wrote on Countless Natural Phenomena. 

Did I just hear you say you didn’t know that one Great Man did these 5 Great Bulleted Things? Well don’t feel badly. You aren’t the only one.

Actually, if you did know that one Great Man did all 5 of these Great Things, you would be one of the very few that knows what you know.

Truth be told this Great Man did a 6^th Great Thing that made him world famous and, whether you know it or not, you know him for his 6^th Great Thing.

The strangest thing about his 6^th Great Thing is that he created it as a form of Therapy which he used to combat the Depression that plagued him throughout his life.

You might say his 6^th Great Thing was a kind of Depressing Hobby. His Hobby resulted in a book that over 2 centuries sold 40 Million Copies and you probably own 1 of that 40 Million Copies.

Now I’ll quit messing with you and I will now tell you his name...

• His name is Peter. (Did I just hear you say my help did not help? I’ll try again.)
• His last mane is Roget. (Did I just hear you say his name sounds familiar but my more help did not help much? I’ll try again.)
• How about Roget’s Thesaurus?

Shazam! That did it! Probably makes you want to go find your copy and write a Term Paper does it not?...Or does it not?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Fella’s Give Credit Where Credit Is Due Department...

• The information for this Not-So-Foolish bit of Foolishness came from a really neat book written by Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs TV Show) entitled The Way I Heard It. 
• Mike’s really neat book is patterned after the Late Great Paul Harvey’s The Rest of the Story stories.
• It’s an easy and enjoyable read.
• Try it. You just might like it.

Be Careful Who You Blindly Follow

 

Wall Street Journal

The Cultural Revolution Comes to North America

‘Call-out’ mobs aim not to persuade or debate, but to humiliate the target and intimidate others.

By Anastasia Lin

April 7, 2019

“In China, people in my father’s generation—he was born in 1957—learned to keep their heads down and to watch what they said, even to their closest friends, for fear of being accused of thought crimes. Privacy and Trust were dissolved, and informants were everywhere”.

************

If you want to read all about it and you have a WSJ Subscription, click here: https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-cultural-revolution-comes-to-north-america-11554661623?mod=article_inline

If you don’t have a WSJ Subscription, this will give you the gist of the story: https://www.lifezette.com/2020/06/chinese-cultural-revolution-comes-to-the-u-s/

************

The Chinese Cultural Revolution was Amazing in that so many people Jumped On Board and were completely devoted to its precepts but it was also Frightening because so many people had no choice but to Jump On Board and be (or give the impression that they were) completely devoted to its precepts.

The above is sort of an introduction to the real reason for this Blog Posting. If you did or did not read the above links, that’s OK because the best is yet to come. Actually I could insert a new Subject right here...

Be Careful Who or What You Blindly Follow

I got this blog all ready to send and I got cold feet. I thought this is crazy. These numbers are too large to be believed. So I went back to the Internet and searched on “Mao's war on pests”. If you do the same you will find a humongous number of articles on this subject.

A big part of the Chinese Cultural Revolution concerned Small Things like Sparrows.

Get ready to be amazed...

Mao Zedong (1893-1976) disliked pests. Among those creatures that Mao labeled as pests were Sparrows. The result of his War on Sparrows was one of the biggest ecological disasters in human history.

As part of his “Great Leap Forward” program, Mao introduced the “Four Pests” campaign in 1958. His intent was to promote hygiene, reduce disease, and encourage greater crop production through the eradication of Rats, Mosquitoes, Flies, and Sparrows.

His obsession with sparrows may surprise you. The particular sparrow that earned his wrath was the Eurasian Tree Sparrow. Granted, it was responsible for consuming a substantial portion of China’s crops, but so did many other birds. The sparrow, however, was declared to be “public animals of capitalism.” Citizens were encouraged to take the battle to the birds, and they responded with gusto.

The people of China went after the sparrows with a multi-faceted battle plan. Some set traps for the birds. Others went on a hunt for their nests, destroying the habitat, eggs, and chicks. Professional hunters went out with guns, shooting the birds by the droves. Others chased after the birds with pots and pans, driving them to exhaustion until the sparrows fell dead to the ground.

A 16-year-old boy named Yang She-mun was considered a national hero for personally killing 20,000 sparrows by identifying their nests during the day and then strangling them at night with his bare hands.

The battle against the birds was so intense that some sparrows sought political asylum. When some sparrows took up shelter in Poland’s embassy in Beijing, China requested permission to enter the embassy grounds to scare away the birds. The request was denied. Consequently, a large gathering of Chinese citizens surrounded the embassy with drums and made enough noise that after two days the sparrows decided to throw caution to the wind and leave their sanctuary. Those that remained were so stressed and exhausted by the ordeal that embassy personnel had to clear away the bodies of the dead sparrows with shovels.

The Four Pests campaign was wildly successful in its initial objectives. An estimated 1.5 billion rats, 100 million kilograms of flies, and 11 million kilograms of mosquitoes were wiped out. As for the sparrows, the casualties were similarly impressive. As many as 1 billion sparrows met their demise, driving the species to near-extinction within China.

Unfortunately, the war against sparrows had other consequences. As pesky as the sparrow can be, it also serves an important role in reducing other pests. With the sparrow population all but eliminated, many of the birds’ prey enjoyed an unchallenged population explosion. It wasn’t long before the Chinese fields were decimated, not by sparrows, but by locusts and other devouring insects.

Within 2 years of beginning the war against sparrows, Mao ordered a ceasefire. In April 1960, the fourth pest of the Four Pests campaign became the Bed Bug, officially giving the sparrow a reprieve.

By this point, however, it was too late. The damage had been done. The resultant crop loss from the unchallenged insect invasion decimated the rice harvest, triggering a mass famine throughout the country. Some estimates place the human cost of the war on sparrows at 20-45 million people who starved between 1958 and 1962.

Eventually, the Chinese government even went to the lengths of importing 250,000 sparrows from the Soviet Union to help restart the population within its borders. Too late, the Chinese government learned a painful lesson: When you mess with Mother Nature, she has a tendency to get even.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

It’s Awful Out There!

 

Why is it Awful Out There? It’s because is it so confusing and we all agree Confusion Is Awful.

Example of Awful #1...Spots On the Floor

For about a year and a half, whenever we went into a store of any kind we have been comforted by a sense of Non-Confusion because we saw Spots On The Floor that give us Comforting Instructions like...

Ø Stand Here

Ø Don’t touch anyone

Ø Stay Safe

Ø 6’ Apart

Ø Social Distancing

Ø Don’t let anyone touch you

The Times They Are a Changin’ because the spots are disappearing from our stores and it is resulting in Confusion and Chaos. As I entered a store yesterday I immediately became aware that it was in Complete Chaos Mode...

Ø Some people were stopped dead in their tracks at the door afraid to move any further.

Ø All customers had looks on their collective faces of Shock, Confusion and/or Fear.

Ø Many customers who had been brave enough to walk in now had had their emotions get the better of them and they were frozen in place.

Ø I saw 3 who were on the phone with 911 demanding Swat Teams be dispatched to come rescue them.

OK I admit I made the above Silliness up...Or did I?

************

Example of Awful #2...Holes In Jeans.

Every time I offer one of my Grandchildren $20 to go buy a new pair of jeans that do not have holes in the knees they look at me as if I am acting strange again.

They start thinking about what their parents have been saying about my going down the Slippery Slope because...

Ø They don’t understand what I am talking about because, of course, all jeans have holes in the knees.

Ø They know that $20 is not enough to buy the back pocket of their jeans of choice.

Ø Before I spoke up they were in the process of trying to decide how they were going to make their jeans even better looking than they presently are.
>To make the improvements they were picturing the Instruments of Improvement they were going to utilize...a Pair of Scissors, a Sickle, a Revolver, a Wire Brush and/or a Lawn Mower.

Long ago I stopped telling them about my youth (which they are tired of hearing about) and what I would do when a hole appeared in my Jean's Knees...

Ø I considered a hole in my jeans a certain sign that my jeans had become too old to wear any longer.

Ø If I did continue to wear them, my friends would look down on me and quit playing with me.

Ø I would ask my Mother for $3.49 to go buy a new pair of jeans.

Ø Once my Mother had given me the $3.49 (exact change) I would walk the one block to Weinstein’s (Neighborhood) Department Store and buy a new pair of jeans.

Ø Mr. Weinstein loved to see me walk in with my $3.49 (exact change) in my hand.

I always used to think he liked me but, as I have grown wiser in the ways of the world, I came to realized he really like my $3.49.

All of the above in this Example of Awful #2 has been a digression from why I brought up Holes in Jeans in the first place.

I was in my Cable TV Provider’s office the other day when this happened...

Ø There was an office to the left with a sign out front that read, “Job Interview in Process”.

Ø While I was waiting patiently on my spot the door to this office burst open and a young lady came out and turned back to the person who had been interviewing her and while moving her hands down the front of her clothes as if she was brushing away some dirt that had gotten on her clothes she said, “I can’t abide working in a place where I can’t bring my holes with me. I will not work in a place that shows no respect for my holes!”

I looked in the office and the bewildered former interviewer said to me, “All I said was she would not be allowed to wear jeans with holes in them to work”.

************

Example of Awful #3....

There she was on her Physiatrist’s Couch telling him about her greatest fear. Here was her tale of fear...

Ø Doctor, it was awful! I was stuck! I could not leave my house!

Ø It was a beautiful day, the birds were chirping, the temperature was perfect and I wanted so badly to go for a walk in the beautiful bird filled park near my house.

Ø I phoned Sally but she did not answer.

Ø I phoned Imelda but she did not answer.

Ø I phoned Linda but she did not answer.

Ø I phoned every friend I had (and I do have lots of friends) and no one answered.

Ø I was trapped because, as you well know, no one can walk without talking on their Smartphone.

The Physiatrist walked out saying to himself, “I’m going directly to my local Fire Station and put in my application to become a Fireman”.

As he disappeared from her presence she looked up from the couch (which she could not get up from because her phone battery had run out) and said to herself, “How did he just walk out like that without talking on his phone?”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Does this make sense to you? 

That guy on the left without a spot will not live through the night.

Our Laws Are Trying To Confuse Us Again & I’m Here To Help You Understand

 

Fella Confusion Disburser #1...

Here is the Legal Wording about something called Defense of Habitation

A person is justified in threatening or using Force when and to the extent that he or she reasonably believes that such threat of force is necessary to prevent or terminate such other’s unlawful entry into or attack upon a habitation; however, such person is justified in the use of Deadly Force only if:

• The entry is made or attempted in a violent and tumultuous manner for the purpose of assaulting or offering personal violence to any person in the dwelling;
• That force is used against another person who is not a member of the family or household and who unlawfully and forcibly enters or has entered the residence; or
• The person using such force reasonably believes that the entry is made or attempted for the purpose of committing a felony.

This is worded this way so Lawyers can buy Teslas (or other More Expensive Cars).

The Lawyer we hire understands what the above words mean and, for a fee, they will explain it to us and, for a further fee, they will take it to court to explain it to a judge.

The problem is there is another Lawyer in the courtroom who understands the same words to means exactly the opposite of what our Lawyer understands the words to mean.

This is how it comes to pass that both Lawyers drive Teslas (or other More Expensive Cars).

************

A Fella Quibble

I want to take issue with the words, “who unlawfully and forcibly enters or has entered the residence”. To be more specific, I want to quibble about, “or has entered”.

Is it possible that without the words “or has entered” we would hear Lawyer Whiplash say...

Your honor, I am compelled to make this obvious point. My client had already entered the domicile of the plaintiff and, all burglars know that, once they are safely inside, the plaintiff is barred by law from taking any action against them. In this case my client, knowing that he was safely inside plaintiff’s place of residence, relaxed his guard and at that very moment plaintiff hit him on his surprised head causing very significant swelling.

My client was almost rendered unconscious and was forced to stagger back to his getaway car and make a very unsafe trip back to his own domicile.

Because of this attack, my client had to cancel several other Planned Home Invasions in the ensuing days and lost a substantial amount of Already Been Budgeted For Planned Income.

After All, Burglars Are People Too!

************

Fella Confusion Disburser #2...

Self-Defense

Georgia is a Castle Doctrine state and has a “stand your ground” statute. There is no duty to retreat in defense of a forcible felony, such as rape, armed robbery or kidnapping.

Are there really States that have laws that say something like this...

You are required by law to retreat when confronted by a person who is intent on inflecting upon your person a forcible felony, such as rape, armed robbery or kidnapping.

How would one go about retreating in circumstances such as these?...

Ø Rape: A 120 pound woman is pinned on the ground by a 250 pound man who is intent on raping her. But she is saved because of a law which allows her to say, “Just a moment here. By law I am empowered to advise you that you must cease and desist what you are doing and allow me to make a hasty and safe retreat”.

Ø Armed Robbery: "What did you just say? Did I hear you right? Did you really say to me something about My Life or My Money? I, sir (May I call you ‘Sir’?) know my rights and I am going to turn around and leave and I advise you to hold your tongue and your bullets."

Ø Kidnapping: "This has gone far enough! I am on the floor of this dirty old van. I am bound and gagged to the point that I can only mumble. However, I know the law and the law says you are required to let me retreat. Let me out at that Starbucks I see coming up on the right. Do you have $5 I can borrow? I think I need a Venti With A Shot."

My blogs usually give 3 examples of my Foolish Commentary but I am going to stop here because I am running low on Silly and I suspect you are tired of me anyway.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

The Times They Are A-Changin’...Another

The “...Another” part in the Subject above means I have used “The Times They Are A-Changin’” before (and will probably do it again because The Times They Are A-Changin’)...Again.

Ø There was a time when we died people said, “He died”.

Ø At some point they started using, “He Departed”.

Ø The really crude said, “He’s a Goner”.
>This one is still with us because the really crude are (and will always be) still with us.

Ø Then we simply said, “He Moved On”.

Ø Then we moved on to the point where we said, “He passed away”.

Ø Before we knew what had happened people started saving the “away” for other usage and they simply said, “He passed”.

The A-Changin’ is continuing to A-Changin’...

I just heard one of our Rulers who, while discussing the “fixes” he was proposing to “fix” our Health Care System say, “At this point they can Go Gently Into the Night”.

This sort of sounds like when we leave no one will notice that we left and then we are left to hope that, when we get where we are going, someone will notice that we got there.

One question remains for our Fixin Rulers...Is it possible to go Gently Into The Night if we pass In Broad Daylight or will we have to wait till later?

I hope, when my time comes to Go Gently, the Yet To Have Departed will bow their collective heads and say, “The Late Dearly Departed Fella Is A Goner”.

I would not that much take offense at the “Goner” part but I would really hate to look over my departing shoulder and see that the “Dearly” was missing.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Everyone Has Seen the Movie Jaws

If you have not seen the Movie Jaws, I will tell you about a bit of it. If you have seen the Movie Jaws, you are about to say to yourself, 

“Ahh yes, Fella, I remember that bit of it well!”

The Bit is where Roy Scheider comes to the full understanding of How Big That Shark Really Is and he says, 

“We’re gonna need a bigger boat!”

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I’m now going to use Roy’s words and a bit of Fella’s Ability to look into the future to predict The Future...

Ø I was just looking at the coverage I have on my Automobile Insurance Policy for Roadside Assistance.

Ø It has coverage for Fuel Delivery, Lockout, Towing, Jump Starting, Tire Change, Getting Pulled Out of the Ditch and One More That Is going to be needed more and more in the future.

That One More is going to have people at insurance companies all across the Fruited Plain saying...

We’re Gonna Need A Bigger App!

That One More is...

My Electric Car Needs Recharging!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Maxwell Smart Lives!

 

One of the best TV shows ever was Get Smart. I especially enjoyed  Maxwell Smart going through this Comic Gymnastic...

Ø He would tell a lie.

Ø The person being lied to would suspect a lie was being told to them and they would just look at Lying Maxwell and would not say anything.

Ø Maxwell was smart and he suspected that his lie had not been believed so he would say, “Would you believe...?” and then tell another, even more unbelievable, lie.

Today in the COVID Age it appears there are a lot of Maxwell’s out and about telling lies about COVID. As I peck out this Silliness I am looking at a Flier from the Georgia Department of Public Health that was developed to counter some Maxwellian Lies.

Here is how the Georgia Department of Public Health tries to counter 3 of these lies. The third one is a whopper...

Ø COVID Vaccine is Safe!

Ø COVID Vaccine won’t give you COVID-19.

Ø COVID Vaccine Cannot Change Your DNA.

Yes, My Dear Readers, some of us are worried that the COVID Vaccine will change our DNA!?

If you are one of them, don’t tell me you are one of them. I don’t want to know.

What other Whoppers are we going to be forced to fret about? Remember I can see into the future and on those rare occasions where I can’t see into the future I can make things up...

Ø COVID Vaccine will cause you to become paralyzed from the waist down if you sniff the underside of blooming toadstools between 1am and 4am.

Ø COVID Vaccine will cause those of us who have decided that they are not the same sex as they were when they are born to become confused and not know what sex they are after all.

Ø COVID Vaccine will cause Members of Congress to be unable to lie any longer. This malady in itself will ruin many long-term political careers and, in many cases, cause politicians to become mute for fear of being seen as someone who tells the truth.

Those of you who have read my Foolishness for a long time know that I get visits from dead people like the late Paul Harvey. I have often found myself hoping that I would get a visit from the Late Maxwell Smart. I have this nagging fear that he has not come because he thinks I am not Smart enough to be honored with a visit from such a well renowned Smart Guy as he.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

I Know How to Stop All the Protestors and Anti-American Talking Heads From Talking Their Heads About All That They Hate About America

Pass a Federal Law that prohibits them from saying the word “Systemic”.

They would be speechless.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Are You Kidding Me? Did I Just Hear One Of You Say History Was Not Interesting and Surprising?

The Beginning...

On February 12, 1909, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) was founded by 3 White civil rights activists, Mary White Ovington, William English Walling and Henry Moskowitz at a meeting in New York.

Concerned about the race riots and the future of Black civil rights in America, a group of 60 activists gathered in New York City on May 31st, 1909 to create the National Negro Committee. 53 committee members were White.

A year later, the National Negro Committee officially became the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP).

The First Board of Directors...

Ø  National President, Moorfield Storey, Boston ... White

Ø  Chairman of the Executive Committee, William English Walling ... White

Ø  Treasurer, John E. Milholland a prominent New York Republican ... White

Ø  Disbursing Treasurer, Oswald Garrison Villard ... White

Ø  Executive Secretary, Frances Blascoer ... White

Ø  Director of Publicity and Research, W. E. B. Du Bois ... Black

The First 4 Presidents of the NAACP...

1st President was Moorfield Storey 1910-1929 ... White

2nd President was Joel Elias Springan 1930-1939 ... White

3rd President was Author B. Springan 1940-1965 ... White

4th President was Kievie Kaplan 1966-1975 ... White

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

The Kingston Trio Asked Long Time Ago, Where Have All The Young Men Gone? All These Years Later, We Still Do Not Know.

As a well known Noticer I started off today thinking to myself that I was going to take a day off from noticing things. Then I stumbled onto this web site and I could not help myself.

The first 9 pictures of humans on the Fitness Web Site Home Page are pictures of Women. If this site is emblematic of what’s going on in the gyms of the Good Ole USofA, then Male Exercising People (Men) appear to have all but given up exercising.

I know this can’t be true but does it not appear strange that a business that makes money from having people come into its gym to sweat is not advertising to bring men and their money into their sweaty establishment?

When the site does allow a few pictures of men near the end of its home page the poor fellows are Overweight, Exhausted and Look Confused.

If I am the only one confused by this confusion and you think you can explain it to me don’t explain it to me. I don’t want to know.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

It Is Hard To Imagine How Many Times the Gullible Among Us Buys Stuff Under The Influence Of Their Celebrity Gullibility

 

I have been seriously trying to lose weight since January 12, 2021. I have really worked at it and It Ain’t Easy!...

It’s not like Falling Off a Log.

It’s not A Piece of Cake.

It’s not Easy As Pie.

I have made progress but it has been Slow As Molasses.

(I’m done with the catch phrases.)

I have lost 18.2 pounds. A month ago today I had lost 15.4 pounds. This means I have I lost 2.8 pounds in this last month. I don’t know about you but this last month’s 2.8 pound weight loss does not impress me.

************

On June 16th I heard a Local Celebrity say on a radio commercial, “With the Falling Off A Log Piece of Cake Easy As Pie Weight Loss Program (would you believe I made that name up?) you could Lose 50 Pounds by Labor Day!”

Now I don’t want to impugn the veracity of Celebrities, even local ones, but that is poppycock! I don’t think that much weight can be shed in only 2.5 months!

I can just hear my fellow Georgians saying to their wives/partners/significant others, “You know it’s got to me true. One of our Local Celebrities said it was true. It has the Celebrity Seal of Approval”.

************

Local Celebrities have tremendous power to influence their Local Minions. Multiply that power 10 fold and you have the Gargantuan Influence that Hollywood Celebrities or Sports “Heroes” have over all their Minions spread all across the Fruited Plain. 

That’s why we have...

Established Hollywood Celebrities telling us How to Vote.

Future Established Hollywood Celebrities (have just made one movie) telling us what the Climatic Conditions are going to be like in our neck of the woods in 3,000 years, if we don’t take the action that they are being paid to tell us to take before next Thursday.

The Sports Super Hero telling the U.S. Army that Soldiers today should not be given Live Ammunition because they might shoot at a bad guy and miss the intended target and instead hit a Small Child innocently riding on his Big Wheel. 

Being a Minion is hard. That’s why we need Celebrity Direction and Control because We Know Nothing!...Or do we?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

It Was Weird. I Was Sitting On My Porch Minding My Own Business and This Frenzied Mob Came Up My Street.

 

They all were wide-eyed. They looked like a Mob of Pakistanis going to the 7-11. They were very agitated and were frantically looking behind every house and bush as they frenzied up the street towards my house.

As they started looking behind my bushes I asked what they were so frantically looking for and their frenzied spokesman told me what I expected...They were looking for a Statue of Superman.

He said they were hell bent on tearing down all Superman Statues and they had been told that there was one in my neighborhood.

I knew what the answer to this question would be but I asked in anyway... “Why do you want to tear down Superman’s Statue?”

Several of them got really angry at my ignorance and for a moment I thought I was going to be set upon.

Then several of them shouted at me in unison, “Don’t you know there is no greater example of White Supremacy than Superman!”

I thought to myself, “Boy, is that silly” but I did not say that for fear of being physically attacked as they set upon me.

Not saying anything about their silliness was a wise move on my part. It has been a long time since I was in Vietnam. By not asking that question this was the first time since way back then where I felt like I had dodged a bullet.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe:

I bet the “Mob of Pakistanis going to the 7-11” comment in the first sentence of this Blog Posting confused you. Actually, I explained what this means in a Blog Posting several years ago but I’m glad to do it again.

Whenever we see news clips of Pakistan on the Nightly News there are always mobs of people going about doing everything they do. For example, if a Pakistani want to go to the 7-11 to get a pack of cigarettes, before he leaves home he sends text messages to 25 people and in no time at all he has assembled a mob to  accompany him to and from the 7-11.

During all of their comings and goings they are shouting, pumping their fist into the air and many of them are carrying and waving handwritten protest signs.

A Pakistani home is not complete unless it has a good supply of Handwritten Protest Signs.

I Know Stupid When I See Stupid

As soon as you saw the above Subject you knew of whom I was speaking...Or did you?

You say you don’t have a clue. Okay, I’ll tell you but, as soon as I tell you, you are going to say, “Of course, I should have known!”

It’s the Progressive Insurance Motorcycle Guy in Their Motorcycle Insurance Commercials

Motaur

This guy and these commercials Do Not Make Any Sense! There are so many unanswered questions that I don’t know where to begin...

Ø What the heck is he?

Ø Is he a motorcycle?

Ø Is he a guy?

Ø Was he born that way or was a curse put on him by an Allstate Frog?

Ø How does he empty his bladder?

Ø Does he have a bladder?

Ø Does he fall over when he stops rolling?

Ø Actually we have seen him not rolling and he does not fall over but why does he not fall over?

Ø Does he fall over when he goes to sleep?

Ø If he falls asleep and he does fall over, does he wake up because he fell over?

Ø Does he sleep?

Ø If he ever does fall over, how does he get up?

Ø Why do we never see Motorcycle Gals?

Ø If there are, in fact, no Motorcycles Gals, does this mean he is the last of his breed, if he is a breed?

Hold on a minute. One of these commercials showed Motorcycle Guy high on a bluff and he was watching hundreds of his breed rolling across the valley below him.

I got so agitated about all of this confusion and uncertainty I put on my Potted Plant Outfit and slithered my way into the palatial offices of Horace Progressive the owner of Progressive Insurance. He seemed a bit uneasy when he saw this Potted Plant standing in front of his desk but after I climbed out of my Outfit and he could see I was a regular person (or am I?) he settled down and became quite accommodating to my inquiries.

I asked him all of the questions I pecked out above (and a few more) and to every one of them he gave the same reply, “You know. I never thought of that”.

Finally, at seeing I was not getting anywhere, I asked my last question...  

Why Would a Motorcycle Owner Want to Buy Insurance from Progressive Because of These Foolish Commercials?

A look of anguish came over his face and he actually started to weep as he said, “You know. I never thought of that either”.

I began to feel sorry for him so I put on my Potted Plant Outfit and slithered out of his Palatial Office with all of my Unanswered Questions still Unanswered.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe:

 This from

The Motaur ads are ridiculous, yes, but we’ll see many more commercials like this for as long as brands and agencies focus on creative contrivances over connecting authentically with their audiences and communicating reasons to buy.