Stop Producing Those Widgets! We Have Got To Have A Meeting!

When I was still working I found myself surrounded by Meet-Up America. The company I worked for had lots of meetings. It had meetings to plan upcoming meetings.

It got so bad that we called the Telephone the Meetephone. Almost every time it rang, it was a Meeting Set-up Person calling to set up a meeting. We laughed about it but it really wasn’t that funny.

I started telling the breathless and excited Meeting Set-up Person that I was not going to attend their meeting because my contract with the company only required me to attend 2,793 meetings each year and I had passed that number on April 21st.

The caller sounded confused and disappointed. I always relented and went to their meeting because, I had learned through the years, that something important would be said every 4th or 5th meetings and I did not want to miss out on that exciting information.

------------------------

The Foregone Conclusion Meeting

We were once called into Short Notice Emergency Meeting. These types of meetings were usually exciting. This one proved to be shocking to someone like me who had always been Task Orientated.

*************************************************

Allow me to digress...

I was actually criticized by a supervisor one time for being Task Orientated. It took me a moment to understand that I was being criticized because I knew I was of such an orientation but, up until that moment, I had always thought that being Task Orientated was a good thing.

I asked what was I to strive to be if I were to correct this deficiency. I was told I should re-make myself to be more People Orientated. I was sitting in a position where I could not see myself but, if I had been able to see myself, I am sure I would have seen myself sitting there with my mouth open.

It was not long after this happening that I retired. I welcomed retirement because I was having a hard time walking away from all those unfinished tasks and instead throwing myself into those seemingly never-ending Birthday Parties, Anniversary Parties, Birth Announcement Parties, Dog Adoption Parties and Retirement Parties.

I was training myself to sing loudly. This was a hard thing for me to adapt to because I had always believed no one should hear me sing, no matter how special the special occasion was.

*************************************************

I am done digressing. Let’s get back to the Short Notice Emergency Meeting I started to tell you about above...

The meeting had been called to develop a Plan of Action to address a very important issue that Cecil (our boss) was concerned about. We had been directed to put our heads together and develop a plan to take away Cecil’s anxiety.

We had yet to make much progress when Missing Ralph came in. He was not always missing and today we did not know he was missing until he came in late.

We could all tell immediately by his body language that he was excited. He told us that he had gone to talk with Big Cecil before he came to our meeting in order to pick Cecil’s brain and get a sense of how Cecil felt about the Important Issue which had caused him to direct us to hold Short Notice Emergency Meeting.

Missing, but now no longer missing, Ralph was so pleased because he now knew what Cecil hoped would be the Plan of Action our Short Notice Emergency Meeting would recommend to him as the prudent way to go.

The Short Notice Emergency Meeting then moved forward quickly as its members assembled Cecil’s Prudent Course of Action into a smooth presentation to recommend to Cecil for his approval.

At some point during the meeting, I interrupted my fellow workers and stated that I thought Cecil might like to know what we thought about how to address this important issue rather than what he thought about how to address this important issue.

My fellow workers were never rude but were very practiced at looking at me with disdain and they were anxious to get this meeting over with because there Dog Adoption Party scheduled to start shortly. They looked at me with such disdain that I felt my body start to quiver to the point where I thought Scotty from Star Trek had latched onto me and was starting to beam me up.

The end result was Cecil did quickly approve our meeting’s Prudent Course of Action which he should have approved because it actually was his Prudent Course of Action before it was the Short Notice Emergency Meeting’s Prudent Course of action.

I’m sure Cecil was really impressed with how clear thinking, logical and organized the Short Notice Emergency Meeting Members were.

After the Disdaining, Fella just sat there with his mouth open.

------------------------

Meet-Up America does not know it but its Vision Statement goes something like this...

At Bigger and Better Widgets, Inc. we are committed to conducting ever bigger and better Planning Meetings in order to lay out complicated Plans of Action about how we could make our Widgets faster and in greater quantity if only we were not always in Planning Meetings dedicated to developing complicated Plans of Action about how we could make things faster and in greater quantity.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Anonymous Lawyering...Another Step On The Road To Confusion

I have written in the past about Mr. Anonymous. He is everywhere. He comments about all kinds of issues and reveals all kinds of secret stuff and no one knows who he is.

 

My newspaper tells me that the highest ranking female executive at a major American Corporation has quit her job after her arrest over alleged illegal drug imports into the country of Japan.

 

My newspaper goes on to tell me that she submitted her resignation through her lawyer and here is where I start getting confused... The Identity Of Her Lawyer Wasn’t Known.

 

I know lawyers can be a tricky lot but how exactly did Mr. Anonymous Lawyer go about handling his client’s resignation while keeping anyone from knowing it was he who was handling his client’s resignation? (I made an assumption that Mr. Anonymous Lawyer was a “he” but we don’t know that do we?)...

Ø  Did he call in and resign for her while holding a handkerchief over the phone’s mouthpiece?

Ø  Did he resign for her while by sending a Tweet from another Twit’s Tweeting Account?

Ø  Did he resign for her in a courtroom while wearing a bag over his head?

 

The bigger question is why was it important that he remain Anonymous? If our senators can stand up in the Well of the Senate (whatever that is) and make fools of themselves for all to see, why can’t a lawyer stand up and publically handle a resignation?

To carry this Foolishness a bit further, why is only the Lawyer afforded the ability to remain Anonymous? It seems to me that the Resigning Female Executive ought to be allowed the same courtesy and she should have been allowed to remain Anonymous also.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Now That They Are In The In-Crowd, They Want Out

The “In-Crowd” I played around with in the subject above is the Sexual Harassers In-Crowd. Of course, they want out but getting out is not going to be easy.

 

The Late Joe Friday of Dragnet Fame (Google It) just looked over my computing shoulder and said, “The facts, man, we just want the facts”.

 

I always do what the Late Joe tells me to do when he comes to visit. After all, it’s the least I can do because he comes a long way to see me.

 

In this Blog Posting I will not take sides, I will just “Tell You Like It Is” (The Late Howard Cosell was here at the same time that the Late Joe Friday was. They often float around together.).

 

In this Blog Posting I will also hide the true identity of the Accused Sexual Harasser.

------------------------

One of the current Accused Sexual Harassers is Peter Fernerk. He is an acclaimed award-winning actor who has been around a long time. I looked him up on the Internet using, Peter Fernerk sexual assault.

 

In the blink of an eye I was looking at a lot of News Articles (over 155) about Peter being accused of Sexual Assault.

 

I then searched on, Has Peter Fernerk been cleared of sexual assault charges? I received back what looked like the same listing as stated in the paragraph above. (Does that sound fair?) The only difference was that deep down in the list were 2 articles about how Peter had passed Polygraphs that showed him innocent.

 

Below is a modified excerpt from one of the Polygraph articles:

Peter followed through on his promise and underwent the lie detector test, administered by a member of the American Polygraph Association with Chapman Investigations, on 13 November 2017.

 

According to the polygraph exam report, he was asked questions like: “Did you ever ‘grab’ and/or fondle Ms. Dudley Do-Right’s breasts (sic)?” and “Did you ever ‘corner’ Ms. Do-Right in your trailer so that you could ‘grab’ her breasts and/or buttocks?” and “Did Ms. Do-Right ever enter your trailer on the set?” and “Did you ever physically assault Ms. Do-Right?” and to each he replied “No”.

 

In a written evaluation, the examiner ruled that “Mr. Fernerk showed no reactions indicative of deception to any of the relevant questions. The results indicate that Mr. Fernerk ‘PASSED’ as to his answers on all questions.

 

(There was more in this Exoneration Article but it used a lot of nasty word pictures I don’t care to put into Foolishness...Or Is It.)

------------------------

At this point Howard got all excited and he jumped into the conversation and he blurted out, “I am the one who is famous for Telling It Like It Is and that’s exactly what I want to do now. It looks to me as if, since I became late, the Good Ole USofA has gone straight down hill. Two very important points jump out at me...

Ø Articles accusing Peter of being an awfully bag guy...More than 155.

Ø Hidden articles throwing out the possibility that Peter is not an awfully bad guy...Only 2.”

 

I’m sure glad that Smartfella is not a Real Fella because, if I were ever accused of being an Awfully Bad Fella, I could truthfully testify that I never met me.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella (Not a Real Fella)

 

I Deserve The Money, But Even If I Don’t Deserve The Money, I would Really Like To Have The Money, So Give Me The Money

The National Football League has asked a federal judge to appoint a Special Investigator to probe what it describes as a widespread fraud that has resulted in hundreds of millions of dollars in false claims to a fund meant to compensate former players for head injuries.

 

The league established the fund as part of a settlement agreement with players, and the NFL has so far funded more than $227 million in claims.

 

The 2017 Concussion Settlement between the league and retired players established a 65-year, uncapped fund for players with qualifying diagnoses, such as CTE, ALS, Alzheimer’s Disease, Parkinson’s and other Neurocognitive Impairments.

 

The NFL alleges fraudulent schemes by doctors, lawyers and players to illicitly tap the fund, which is estimated to be valued at around $1 Billion (1,000 Million Dollars).

 

According to the league’s motion, approximately 46% of the submitted claims have warranted audit by the independent claims administrator because of red flags or other signs of potential fraud.

 

Among the red flags or other signs of potential fraud are:

Ø At least one player was advised by his attorney to show up for a neuropsychological evaluation hung over and on Valium, to ensure that he failed cognitive tests required to qualify for a settlement.

Ø Medical reports submitted by one neurologist included identical vital signs for more than 20 different players.

Ø One doctor claimed to have spent 130 hours evaluating players in a single day—on two separate occasions.

Ø One law firm, representing more than 100 former players, is alleged to have “coached” players on how to answer questions during their evaluations and was “willing to pay doctors directly out of their pocket” for a qualifying diagnosis.

Ø Another law firm allegedly charged players more to obtain an Alzheimer’s diagnosis and many of those players’ evaluations were done by a Pediatric Neurologist. 75% of the players seen by the Pediatric Neurologist received an Alzheimer’s diagnosis even though they were as young as 29 years old.

 

Lawyers representing some of the players are complaining about slow pay by the NFL. The NFL says the slow pay is necessary because the NFL must closely evaluate the claims because of fraud described above.

 

From the Institute of Higher Foolishness, comes the not-so-surprising observation that many of the Loudest Complaining Lawyers are the ones cheating the most and they are the reason for the payment processing slow down.

 

It is my Not-So-Silly Opinion that these lawyers are caught between the proverbial rock and that hard place because they need faster pay so they can keep up with the Monthly Payment Schedule on their newly acquired Fleet of Lexus Automobiles.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

As Much As I Talk About Foolishness It Just Well May Be That I Sometimes Can’t See The Goodness Because Of The Silly That Stands In Front Of It

What is the message of this picture? I am well aware that many people try to get to our Wallets and our Votes by clothing their cause in The Children of the Good Ole USofA.

 

We become like putty in their sneaky hands when they tell us what they are doing is for the benefit of The Children. We find it very difficult to go against The Children. We acquiesce to whatever they are selling. It works every time...Or does it?

 

This time I got to thinking about how this transfer of wealth to The Children was going to be accomplished...

Ø Are The Children poor because the Parents are poor?

Ø Are The Children poor but the Parents wealthy and we have to fix this inequity?

Ø Are the Parents taking all The Children’s money and using it to buy Lattes and Expensive Jeans with holes all over the pant legs?

Ø If we redistributed our money to the parents of The Children, would the parents keep it for themselves and leave their Children to wallow in poverty?

Ø How are we to get our redistributed money past the greedy parents to The Children who so desperately need our help?

Ø Will we have to set up Checking Accounts for The Children where they can keep our donated money?

Ø How will we ensure that the Parents will not gain access to The Children’s Checking Accounts?

Ø Will The Children’s Signatures, and only their Signatures, be needed to withdraw money from these Checking Accounts?

Ø Do The Children have Signatures?

Ø Should we be concerned that The Children will not be ready for their new wealthy life style and will squander their money on Candy and not use it for Food, Shelter, Expensive Jeans with holes all over the pant legs and Higher Education?

------------------------

Since we are getting near the Bottom Line of this Blog Posting I will try and make some sense of it all...Or will I?

 

I just might be making too much of this picture...

Maybe it is plain as the nose on her face. Maybe, just maybe, she is trying to tell us all that, if we all started wearing Red Noses on our Noses, that alone would make everything better.

 

Sadly The Poor Children will still be poor and the evil rich parents will still be evil and rich but we will we will have brought a smile to The Children’s malnourished faces.

 

Best of all, since I did not donate my money to the parents, I would only be out the cost of one Red Clown Nose.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

You Can’t Be Serious!

My local county park likes to put out Inspirational Messages so we can be inspired as we drive by. There is no telling what they will put on their Inspirational Message Board to try and get our juices flowing. Some of them hit the mark. Since I am picky, there are times I end up being more confused than inspired. Here is one that confused me...

Is life really that simple? Maybe this is the problem with what is happening in the Good Ole USofA today.

 

What? You don’t see the Problem? Sometimes I wonder about you. Please allow me to explain...

 

The late Peggy Lee just came into my computer room and she saw the problem right away. While she was looking over my shoulder she said softly (before she was late, she said everything she said softly), “Where is work? Back when I was not late, we took a lot of pride in the work that we did. It gave our lives meaning. Is that all there is? Is life now a continuous round of Eating and Sleeping and Playing? If that is the case, I’m glad I’m late.”

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: If you don’t remember or never heard of the Late Peggy Lee, you also probably don’t know that she sang a song entitled, “Is That All There Is?”. Here she is in a grainy video singing that song. Before she was late she was not grainy. She was a great singer...

https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=crmas&p=peggy+lee+songs&guccounter=1#id=8&vid=7bf491cc73fb2b2e956489f939eb045f&action=view

 

 

She Did Not Understand What She Was Reading

I was still living in California at the time. I was shaving for work and listening to the radio. The Reading the News Lady was reading the news to me. She came to the Stock Market Report and she read the following...

The Stock Market Was Down Yesterday .67 Points

I know this does not seem Strange or Different to you but please allow me to explain why her reading of the news was Strange and Different. Just as she learned in Reading School she put her best dramatic word emphasis on the “.67 Points”. She said it as if it were “OH MY GOSH! THIS IS TERRIBLE! THE STOCK MARKET WENT DOWN 676 POINTS!!!” She sounded like she was delivering dramatic earth-shaking news that was akin to an announcement that was going to immediately make us all get on the phone and make an appointment with Jumping Through Windows R Us and reserve a downtown high-rise window to go jump out of by the end of this very day.

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That Was Then And This Is Now

Today we are seeing very dramatic shifts in the Stock Market. It is not unusual to see movements in the hundreds of points, either up or down, on any trading day.

 

We are starting to get used to these dramatic shifts. It won’t be long before we are going to hear a Reading Head read to us something along these lines...

“Finally, the Stock Market Results for today. I had intended to not bother you with this but I see by the old clock on the wall that we have 10 seconds to kill, so here it is... It was a quiet day today on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange. The Market moved down only 967 points. Hardly anyone noticed.”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

I Am Amazed Every Time I Heard A Student Say, “I Hate History Because History Is Boring”

Throughout history there has always been the Square Wheel Proponents. They have been around ever since the Round Wheel was first invented. They keep trying to make the Square Wheel accepted in the unbelieving world that surrounds them. Their premise is simply...Past attempts to use the Square Wheel have been misguided efforts because the Square Wheels they tried to use were just Not Square Enough.

 

Just the other day one of the Most Vocal Proponents of Square Wheelism made a major policy address in which he presented his audience with this hard-to-refute argument, “Everyone knows that Square Breakfast Cereals tastes better than Round Breakfast Cereals”.

 

Who can argue with that?

------------------------

Clarifying Myself

This is the point where you, My Dear Readers, say to your collective selves, “Self, what the heck is Fella talking about?”

 

OK, I’ll back up a bit. Please allow me to explain...

My newspaper tells me that 37% of Americans (and the percent is growing) prefer Socialism, even Communism, over Capitalism.

They contend that past efforts to make Socialism or Communism work were simply not done right. If we had been stricter in our implementation of the basic fundamentals of either of these two ism’s, we would have found that all their rough edges could have been smoothed over and everyone would have loved Socialism or even Communism.

 

When skeptics ask, “What if we skeptics do not like the result? Could we change back to Capitalism?”, the answer they get back is always no. They are told everyone will just have to keep working on smoothing out those rough edges.

 

They further try and console us by saying, “You may find that you are living a miserable existence under Socialism or Communism but you need to remember your misery is shared by countless other of your fellow American miserable people.”

 

Did I just sense that you are thinking to yourself...37% (in favor of Socialism or Communism) is not a majority and you are not going to worry about any of this until the percentage in favor of changing to Socialism or Communism gets closer to 51% (besides the NBA Basketball Playoffs are upon us and it’s time to worry about the NBA Basketball Playoffs).

 

Fella has now given in to the History Unbelievers and I give you my approval to go ahead and give Socialism or Communism another chance right here in the Good Ole USofA. However, I’m telling you right here and now, when Socialism or Communism fail again, I am going to tell you from deep down in the depths of my miserable existence, “I told you so”.

 

The question is, will telling you “I told you so” that make me feel less miserable?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: The first inventor person who invented the Round Wheel gets all the credit. We ought to recognize the inventors of the Second, Third and Fourth Round Wheels. Without their inventive genius, we would never have had the covered wagon and we would all still be in New Jersey staring in the general direction of Oregon.

Over The Years Starbucks Has Been The Subject Of Many Of My Blogs

This is a re-posting of a Starbucks Blog Postings from June 27, 2010. It is a Fella Favorite and it is historically accurate…Or is it?

Little Mr. Starbucks Asks His Father For A Little Help

A Journey Back Into Coffee History

Little Mr. Starbucks goes to his father and asks to borrow $10,000. He wants to use the money to invest in a bright idea that he has been kicking around in the back of his mind. He is sure that this idea of his will be his life’s work.

Father Starbucks was always supportive of his son since he was born right through his years of higher education in one of the finest school in the east. He knew that he was going to do whatever his son asked. He eagerly inquired how his boy was going to use the $10,000 as he reached for his checkbook.

Here is the back and forth conversation that took place about the plan of action Little Mr. Starbucks laid out for his ever more wide eyed father, as his father slipped his checkbook back into his pocket…

• Father … “You are going to do what?”
• Son … “I want to open up a coffee shop and spend my life selling people coffee, a cup at a time.”
• Father … “You mean to tell me that, after I devoted my life to you and took out a second mortgage on our modest family home in order to put you through that fancy snotty school back east, you are going to spend your life with an apron on selling cups of coffee?”
• Son … “That’s right, pop. I just know there is a world of money to be made out there in coffee cups.”
• Father … “Where are you going to set up the gold mine of a coffee shop?”
• Son … “I’m going to rent space in the shopping mall downtown.”
• Father … “You mean to tell me that you are going to pay the exorbitant rent that businesses are charged in that mall? Are you aware, my educated idiot son, that in order to just break even, you are going to have to sell a lot of cups of coffee? Don’t forget you are going to have to pay salaries and benefits, buy supplies and pay that sky high rent just to crack your nut!”
• Son … “Daddy, I have thought through all of the costs that you have just mentioned. I have that covered in my business plan. I am going to charge a lot for my cups of coffee!”

At this point Father Starbucks climbed across the dining room table and started to strangle junior. 

After Mother Starbucks had locked Father Starbucks in the bedroom closet to cool off overnight, she loaned Little Mr. Starbucks the $10,000 for his bright idea and the rest is coffee history.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

The Courts Have Gone To The Dogs

I know some of you have pets that you love dearly. I, also, know some of you will send me hate mail because I think it is Stupid to...

Ø Spend $300,000.

Ø 5 years in court.

Ø To “earn” a $39,000 judgment.

Ø On a doggoned case for a pet that the court valued at $10.

 

It ain’t over yet. That fat Lady has not sung. The case is On Appeal.

 

The lawyers are laughing all the way to the bank.

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Article Below Was Written by Anita Hamilton

(I shortened this article a bit.)

Woof, Woof, Your Honor

It's no joke. Animal lawsuits are gaining respect as pet owners seek justice for the ones they love.

With his sad brown eyes and soft, floppy ears, Marley, a 2-year-old Boxer, is the kind of dog that's hard to resist. Just ask his co-owner Ashley Wilson, a music director at a Seattle rock station. After splitting up with her live-in boyfriend, Todd Templeton, just before Christmas last year, Wilson and Templeton exchanged Marley informally every week. Then, last August, according to a lawsuit filed by Wilson, Templeton abruptly ended the arrangement and kept Marley.

 

Instead of giving up or just getting a new dog, Wilson joined the growing ranks of animal lovers who are filing lawsuits over their pets. After consulting Adam Karp, a lawyer in Bellingham, Wash., who says he has handled about 100 animal-related cases in the past four years, Wilson filed suit in late October. She has already won at least a temporary victory. Last month a superior court judge ordered the exchanges to resume immediately, pending a final ruling. (Templeton declined to comment on the case.) About seeing Marley for the first time in three months, Wilson says, "His tail was wiggling out of control. I just hugged him and started to cry."

 

While going to court to resolve a pet-custody dispute may seem extreme, it is just one of the legal options available to protect animals and the people who care for them. Veterinary-malpractice suits, pet-cruelty cases and even landlord-tenant disputes over animals are reaching the courts as well. In New York City, Cindy Adams, a gossip columnist for the New York Post, has called for legislation that would ensure better conditions at dog kennels after her Yorkshire terrier Jazzy died, allegedly at a kennel. Some 23 states now allow enforceable pet trusts, in which people set aside money in their will for the care of their pet. And when it comes to animal cruelty, more than 40 states have felony-level charges that virtually ensure jail time for serious offenders. "The courts are beginning to realize that the bond between humans and animals is very powerful," says Steven Wise, a lawyer and animal-rights advocate who has written two books and taught a Harvard Law School course on the subject.

 

Some pet cases have reaped surprisingly large awards. Marc Bluestone of Sherman Oaks, Calif., won a $39,000 jury award last February after Shane, his mixed-breed Labrador retriever, valued by the court at $10, died just days after coming home from a two-month stay in a pet clinic. Although the suit took five years, cost more than $300,000 in legal fees and is on appeal, Bluestone says it was all worth it: "I can't get my baby back, but I did get justice."

 

Once the domain solely of activists, animal law has steadily gained respect among law schools and legal scholars since 2000, when Wise's first book, Rattling the Cage, provided an academic argument for granting legal rights to animals. Now some 40 law schools offer courses on the topic.

 ------------------------

The Bottom Line

This is Fella again…I can hear it now, “I’m sorry Mr. Simpson. We would like to grant you a speedy trial, as called for in either The Constitution or the Bill of Rights, but the courts are full to the brim at this time with animal rights cases. Your trial will have to be postponed for several years until we can get a handle on all of these more important cases. I’m sure you understand. After all, animals are people too.”

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: I don’t agree with this either (click below)... https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7910177/Vicar-gives-Holy-Communion-to-dog.html

This Is A Fella News Alert!

This is serious! I heard it with my own ears and I can’t believe what my ears heard! There appears to be no hope! ... I better slow down and let you catch up.

 

I was in a Glassy-Eyed State of Mind as I watched the news (this has started to happen more and more lately as I watch the news). I think it has something to do with ever present Constant News Hysteria. The Heads seem to always be in a constant state of panic as they shout things like this at me... “This Just In!” and “Breaking News!” and “This Is A News Alert!”

 

Come on, Guys, this is going beyond the pale (whatever that means). How many times do you expect Fella to get excited, especially when you send out so many False News Alerts?

 

Just the other day, as the Constant News Station was going on break I was hit with one of those Teaser Alarming Alarms that the station likes to give out to make you stay tuned till after the break. They always say the exciting news will be “next up” right after the break.

 

This time it was, “Jennifer and Chuck (those big time Hollywood Celebrities we all know and love) Call It Quits! Full Details Right After the Break!”

 

I could hardly contain myself and paced back and forth in anticipation all during the break. I kept thinking, “Oh no! They can’t be getting divorced! They are so right for each other!”

 

Then the let down came. First of all the Jennifer and Chuck News did not come right after the break. It came after 2 news stories that I was not interested in. Finally, I was not told about Jennifer and Chuck’s impending divorce at all. I was told that the happy couple had gotten a new Rescue Dog and they had named it “Quits”.

 

Back to my Glassy-Eyed State in paragraph 2 above...

As you all know, I am a Noticer. I am such an Accomplished Noticer that I have the ability to Notice in a Glass-Eyed State and this is what I Noticed this time.

 

We are all concerned about our Congress’ inability to stop spending money that we (they), or is it they (we), don’t have. There it was right in the middle of the Wide-Eyed Talking Head’s Talking, he said, “Senior Lawmakers in Charge of Spending”.

 

My Dear Readers, there’s the problem! There must be Members of Congress whose whole reason for being there is... To Spend Money. This is their charge! It’s part of their Congressional DNA! It’s why they were sent there in the first place! These people lay in bed at night, unable to sleep, thinking thoughts like, “Did I spend enough today? What if the Folks Back Home think I did not spend enough today? I feel so inadequate! I saw it there. I saw there was money left in the Public Treasury and I was too weak to reach down and grab it and squander it while I had the opportunity! I feel so inadequate! (Did I already think that?)”

 

I can’t prove that much of this Blog Posting was not Silly Embellishment and Foolish Conjecture on my part but I swear on my Little-Read Book I did hear the Wide-Eyed Talking Head say, “Senior Lawmakers in Charge of Spending”.

 

I’m sorry for all the Exclamation Points...Or am I?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Old Age Jumped Up And Slapped Me In The Face

I recently had a minor operation on my thumb. I had a Ganglion Cyst removed. It was not a lot of fun but I have had worse things happen to me.

Ganglion Cysts were once called Bible Bumps. They were called that because the bible was slammed down on them to burst them and make them temporarily go away. In the old days this passed for a Medical Treatment.

 

Right now my dear readers are saying to themselves, “Self, what does this have to do with Fella getting old?” I’m getting to that but first you have to have an understanding of what Merthiolate is…

 

I know I spelled it right because I copied the spelling off my bottle but Spell Check does not recognize it as a word...

Ø Antiseptic.

Ø The Traditional Family First Aid Antiseptic.

Ø Helps prevent infection in minor cuts, scrapes and burns.

 

It used to contain Mercury but Mercury is frowned upon these days so the bottle said it now comes in a, “Mercury Free Formulate”.

 

Now I know why I used to glow in the dark when I was a kid.

 

Here comes the Getting Old part...

I went in for my Ganglion Cyst post-op visit and I asked the very young Physician’s Assistant if I should dab the wound with Merthiolate. Did you take note that I said she was “very young”? She replied, “What’s Merthiolate?”

 

That did it. That young thing pushed me right off the downhill slide into the Old Abyss.

 

Actually I don’t feel a lot different but I know deep down I am a lot different.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: Mercurochrome was a similar product but unlike Merthiolate it did not sting when you put it on. Merthiolate, in its original form, actually did NOT sting and did NOT color the skin red. These features were added by Lilly because people "didn't believe it worked" unless they could see the markings and feel the sting.

 

Many shied away from it because of the sting. I personally always thought Medicine Had to Taste Bad (or Sting) To Be Good. I was one of those you wanted the sting but I can still hear my Brother shouting, “It Burns!” when my Mother dabbed him with Merthiolate.

 

If you are thinking I did not make fun of him, you don’t know anything about the loving relationship between little brothers and big brothers.

 

Mercurochrome contained Mercury also. My big brother and I slept in the same bed. Sometimes it was hard getting to sleep because the room was so lit up by our two glowing little bodies.

 

The Internet Has Taught Me A Lot

Some Of What I Have Learned

It is hard to imagine how ignorant I would be if all those people who claim to have invented the Internet had not invented the Internet.

 

Here is some of what I have learned from the Internet...

Ø I did not know Nigeria was such a rich country.

Ø Almost every day I receive an email or two from a Nigerian offering to give me a lot of money.

Ø I never dreamed Nigerians were so generous with their riches.

Ø Nigerians who want to give away millions of dollars ought to take a class in English as a Second Language before they start trying to give away vast fortunes to vast fortuneless people.

 

Federal Regulation Needed

The sad thing about all of this is the people who send out these phony giveaway emails would not be bothering to send them if they did not make money because they sent them.

 

This means that there are people who are stupid (note, I did not say “ignorant”) enough to believe that complying with the information requests from these Nigerian Princes is going to make them rich.

 

There ought to be a Federal Law that says anyone who is stupid (note, I did not say “ignorant”) enough to give away Sensitive Financial Information that results in their being fleeced by people they have never met ought not be allowed to have Sensitive Financial Information.

 

We need a Federal Department of Sensitive Financial Information Entitlement Control.

 

That ought to do it.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella