Considering What’s Going On Today In The Middle East This June 15, 2014 Posting Cries For A Re-Read

http://forii.blogspot.com/2014/06/destabilize-destabilized.html

I was not kidding u.

Smartfella

(26)

Absolute Disaster Multiple Choice Questions

The above picture is the result of a Major Catastrophic Event in this woman’s young life. She may never recover and deserves all our sympathy.

If it were not against current accepted practice in the Good Ole USofA, I would ask you to pray for her but I know better than to do such a thing. I really don’t know all of you that well and I can’t be sure whether or not some of you might report me.

What caused such grief? As I stated above, it certainly was a Major Catastrophic Event but what exactly was it?…

• Was an Atomic Bomb was just dropped on her home town destroying it completely and killings all of its 63,212 inhabitants including her entire family?
• Did her husband just drive off a 1,500 foot high cliff into a raging sea in her new Lexus?
• Did she just drop a $5,000,000 Winning Lottery Ticket on the floor and was she sent into the throws of despair as her cute little white dog gulped it down as she screamed for it to stop gulping?
• Did her Brazilian Soccer Team just lose its World Cup Soccer Match to eventual winner Germany?

Yes, it was the last bullet above. Such anguish! Such pain! It is hard for me to look at this picture of her anguish and pain! It is so unsettling to me that I can’t continue pecking at this Blog Posting and will have to forgo my sometimes nifty closing turn of phrase.

(I must have lied above because there are 2 Lagniappes below.)

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(389)

Lagniappe 1: On second thought, this woman is a complete idiot! I am tempted to Tweet her and tell her to worry about something meaningful but, since I am not a Twit, I will not Tweet and someone else will have to tell her she needs to learn the difference between Fly Chit and Pepper.

Lagniappe 2: There were news reports after the match that 7 Brazilian Soccer Fans were killed in rioting. Many Members of Congress were watching the match in a Special Extended Happy Hour Session and 5 of them asked, when they heard the news flash about the dead Soccer Fans, “Just how many Million are there in a Brazilian?”

I May Have Seen It All...Or Have I?

I think it started with Michael Jordan. For me it was one of the big shocks to my understanding of the Decline and Fall of He-Men in America.

It happened years ago. There I was watching TV and there he was Michael Jordan inside my TV wearing a Diamond Studded Ear Ring in his right ear.

I said to myself, "Fella, this can't be good!" It was not good. We impressionable modern Americans worship Sports Heroes, Celebrities and Comic Book Action Characters. We can't help ourselves. If they do it, then we do it.

The Feminization of the American Male has now been in full flower for many years and it shows no sign of letting up.

Mostly this happens in the Movies and on TV. When I see instances of this awful process in real life I am tempted to say to the latest manifestation I see, "What's the matter with you? Don't you see what you are doing to all of us?"

As I write this Foolishness I am sitting on a plane. Next to me is another chapter in our Collective Feminization. Next to me is a fairly He-Manly looking male passenger with his Toe Nails Painted Red. He looks as if he could very well be a player in the National Football League and his toes are painted Red.

I do not content that it is the Last Straw so I'll just call it the Latest Straw. I also will not venture a guess as to what the next slip down the Slippery Slope will be but it is a certainty we are slipping and sliding at a fairly rapid rate.

I think I know what you are thinking. You are wondering if I said to my red toed fellow traveler, "What's the matter with you? Don't you see what you are doing to all of us?"

The sad truth is I did not say anything! I could have put a little sand on the Slippery Slope but I did nothing! I am not a he-man either!

At this moment I find I am apprehensive about going home and taking off my socks. I am actually afraid of what I might see.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(382)

I Did Not Write This Book But I May Have Been The Inspiration Behind It...Or was I?

I wrote a couple of Foolishness...Or Is Its? about Apologizing. They both were brilliant!...Or were they?

If you wanna read them, click below...

http://forii.blogspot.com/2011/06/two-postings-that-prove-i-am-ahead-of.html

In my newspaper I found out that Edwin L. Battistella has written a book called, “Sorry About That”. He is a much slicker writer than I am and I would venture to say he did not make any of his stuff up, as I may have... Or did I?

I still think I was his inspiration. What other answer could there be? You will notice many of his Standard Apologetic Phrases are similar to the ones I pecked into my May 2010 blog posting.

Here are some Standard Falling All Over One’s Self Apologetic Catch Phrases from his book

• If any of my comments or actions have indeed been unwelcome.
• If I have conducted myself in any way that has caused any individual discomfort or embarrassment, for that I am sincerely sorry.
• A careless, off-handed remark.
• Insensitive words.
• A mistake.
• A poor decision I deeply regret.
• That which has caused the stir that it has.
• I take full responsibility.
• Sorry about that.
• Careless words.
• Didn’t mean them (careless words).
• Hope the whole thing is forgotten.
• I do regret that I allowed myself to get into a situation where I was photographed on an anti-aircraft gun.
• I regret the angry remark I made when the POWs returned home that enabled apologists for the war to orchestrate the myth of Hanoi Jane.

Oops! Did I give away the identity of the author of the last two? If I did, I am sorry and I ask her wholehearted, sincere & orchestrated forgiveness.

Mr. Battistella, you done good! (Yea, I know I should have written “you done well”).

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe:

Again may I make a plea that you go back and read my 2 prior blog postings about Apologies? They are well written. They are catchy. They are right to the point... Or are they?

If you don’t go back and read them, and if I ever ask you if you went back and read them, remember the immortal words of Flip Wilson dressed up as Geraldine Jones, “Honey, a lie is as good as the truth as long as you get the Fella to believe you.”

That’s right. Lie to me. Tell me they are well written, catchy & right to the point. We mediocre writers hate the truth.

Again I list the link...

http://forii.blogspot.com/2011/06/two-postings-that-prove-i-am-ahead-of.html

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I Hate You & I Hate The Horse You Rode In On

There are a lot of people that absolutely hate Wal-Mart and everything anywhere near connected with Wal-Mart. This pervasive hate is hard for me to understand but what do I know?

Below is a quote from the June 28, 2014 issue of my newspaper which will demonstrate my confusion...

..."philanthropy" itself is being turned into a dirty word. The New York Post reported earlier this month that more than half the members of New York's City Council had signed a letter to Wal-Mart demanding that the retailer stop donating to New York City charities. The council members even called on the recipients of Wal-Mart's largess, which provides meals to the homeless and other social services, to return the money.

There is the “Horse You Rode In On” part referred to in the Subject of this Foolishness…Or Is It?. They hate Wal-Mart so much they hate the efforts of Wal-Mart to help their poor.

Why stop at Charity Recipients Giving Back? Should we as a society go even further? Here are two furthers…

• Ask all people who have saved money at Wal-Mart s all across the Good Ole USofA to return to Wal-Mart all the money that they have saved by shopping at Wal-Mart.
• Ask all employees of Wal-Mart to return any money they have received or will receive in the form of salaries.

That ought to put Wal-Mart in its proper place and show it what we really think about it!

I have a good friend who launched into a tirade about the evils of Wal-Mart on more than one occasion. One time I asked if he had ever even been inside of a Wal-Mart and with great pride he responded, “No!”.

The Smartfella is nothing if he is not polite. I did not say anything in response but I did say to myself, “Fella, now there’s a fine example of Ignorant Hatred”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(333)

I’ve Uncovered The Reason Why We Are Seeing Such A Dramatic Increase In Handicapped People In The Good Ole USofA

Maybe I am envious that I can’t have a Handicapped Sticker for my car... Or am I?

I notice things around me. You ought to start noticing things around you. Life is more interesting, if you are a noticer.

I’ve noticed that many people who exit their just parked Handicapped Parking Spot Vehicles limp as they walk away from their cars. Here is where my ability to notice comes into play. For some formerly unknown reason the farther they get away from their cars the less they limp.

Not only am I a Noticer Person but I am also a Figure Outer Person and I have figured this one out...

It’s their cars that are making them limp!

You really ought not try to argue with what I am telling you. I have seen it with my own eyes many times.

If you still want to quibble with what I am telling you, don’t tell me. It would make me worry about your ability to see the obvious and I have enough to worry about as it is.

I’m still very concerned about citizens of San Francisco committing suicide by jumping off of tall ladders.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(221)

If You Persist In Stupidity, One Day You Will Be Declared Certifiably Stupid

I wrote a Blog on October 15, 2008 about a Not So Brilliant Idea those Not So Brilliant People in the San Francisco Area were thinking of doing. They were contemplating putting a Gigantic Net underneath the Golden Gate Bridge to catch Would Be Suicide People before they became Actual Suicide People.

As I pecked that one out I was under a lot of pressure to get it posted quickly because I was sure that the Not So Brilliant People were going to publically state that the Golden Net Idea was dumb and they were not going to install it and it would have taken the wind out of my would be Foolishness...Or Is It.

Boy was I wrong. It turns out that the Not So Brilliant People have remained committed to their crazy idea all this time and they are getting close to bringing their dream into fruition. My newspaper now tells me, “San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge may soon be less of a magnet for people trying to commit suicide, as regional officials consider a plan to install mesh barriers beneath the historic orange span to catch jumpers before they hit the water.”

Forrest Gump tried to warn us. Sometimes it seems that Forrest Gump was the only not stupid one among us and he was never really among us because he never actually was. He gave us, Stupid Is As Stupid Does.

How about a few Catchy Silly (Or Are They?) Sayings for the future?...

• Stupid is stupid.
• Stupid never goes away.
• Stupid does as stupid does.
• Stupid...Not Just a Temporary Condition but a Way of Life.
• Stupid is our most important product.
• Why be smart? Stupid is a lot easier.

I just know you are dying to read about what I wrote about this silly idea back on October 15, 2008. In this posting, I also answer the obvious question about what to do about those jumpers who try to scramble up the net to continue their dying.

Here it is:

Finding Another Way

If someone wants to commit suicide, they will find another way.

October 15, 2008 | 12:51 PM

On Saturday October 11, 2008 I read where the city of San Francisco is considering a stainless steel net under the Golden Gate Bridge to prevent people from committing suicide by jumping off the bridge.

This net will cost somewhere between $40 & $50 million. What do you want to bet it will end up being closer to that $50 million figure?

There is no law that requires a person who commits suicide to jump off of the Golden Gate Bridge. If someone wants to kill himself, there are a lot of other ways to get the job done. What is next for the suicide prevention minded city council of San Francisco? …

• Nets under all tall buildings, trees and ladders?
• Outlawing all tall buildings, trees and ladders?
• Requiring all tall buildings, trees and ladders be short?

I may be one step ahead of the city council but I wonder if they have thought of the possibility that the suicide minded person might just scramble up the stainless steel net and continue their plunge? I know what they could do if the jumpers started crawling up the net, they could shoot them.

Would I kid u?

SmartFella?

Would I kid u again?

Smartfella

(581)

The Sound Of What Happens After The Contentious Congressional Hearings Are Over

Our 9% Approval Rated Congress is embroiled in more hearings. Listed below is what’s happening in Washington, D.C. at this time...

• Members of Congress are poking holes in the air with their fingers.
• Committee Members are blaming and accusing.
• Testifiers are denying and contradicting.
• Further action is being threatened.
• People are being warned they may be held in Contempt of Congress (whatever that means).
• Indignation is everywhere.
• Witnesses are running for cover.
• Members of Congress are poking holes in the air with their fingers.

Click on the link below to hear the sound what happens after the hearings are completed...

http://ResultsOfCongressionaHearings.mp3

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(127)

Why Was I Not Invited?

Spain has a New King! Long live King Felipe VI!

Even though I am a bit confused about what exactly Spanish Kings do, since they no longer send Armada’s to attack England, I do hope Felipe has a long reign.

After reading my newspaper, I know one thing for sure (based on the list of those people he chose to invite to his Post-Crowning Reception) there are chuckles, giggles and out and out laughs in his and his entourage’s future. My newspaper says the invitees were... Business Leaders, Politicians, Bullfighters, Athletes and Comedians.

He invited Comedians!? What am I, a Potted Plant? Why was I not invited? I have had at least 5 people tell me that they laughed at a few of my attempts at humor. The late Rodney Dangerfield just paid my computer room a visit. He was looking over my shoulder as I pecked out this silliness and he said, “You get no respect, no respect at all”.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Who do you think will give Felipe the most laughs, the Comedians or the Politicians?

(188)

What Was That Big Swoosh That Just Went By My Aging Head?

Please be honest with me. Do you think the world is passing me by?

This bit of Foolishness is being pecked out from the other side of the hill that I must have gone over. I started to peck out, “just went over” but I honestly do not know exactly when I went Over the Hill...

• On the Internet I just read about Tweens. I had no idea what a Tween was but, in the world of Google we are not allowed to not know for long and now I know what a Tween is because I Googled It.
  Did I just hear you say you did not know what a Tween is and you want me to tell you because you are too busy to Google just now? You are in a heap of trouble if you are too busy to Google, unless it’s because you are busy Tweeting Useless Information. Tweeting Useless Information is acceptable.
  I would hope that any self-respecting Twit ought to want to interrupt his Tweeting long enough to broaden his wealth of knowledge so he can know what a Tween is... Or would he ought to?
  Definition: A Tween is a marketing demographic defined as In-Between Being a Child and a Teenager.
  
• The Internet also just told me, “Nobody emails anymore!”
  Since I do email, I must be a Nobody.
  What really bothers me is that, if nobody emails any more, then all my emails are not being read by anybody.
• This next one is going to be hard for me to change.
  If I write a letter to Jason, I start off with, “Dear Jason”.
  It has been pointed out to me that the Salutation “Dear followed by the recipient's given name or title” is antiquated and simply just not done anymore.
  I was told that to be Modern Proper I ought to use, “Yo, Jason” or, best of all, simply write, “Dude”.
  Somehow I just can’t see myself doing either of these two alternatives.
• This last one has been around awhile but I still cringe when a waiter in a restaurant comes up to my wife & me and says, “How are you guys doing tonight?”
  Guys? Really? Why the waiter would not say the proper greeting, “How are y’all doing tonight?” is beyond me.
  I guess I will eventually accept this guy thing but there is one possible exception.
  My Mother has passed on and, if some Twitty/Tween would come up and say, “Your Mother was a really great guy”, I just might lose control and bop him tween his eyes.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(452)

How Stupid Does The Governor Think We Are?

Welcome To the Stone(ed) Age

I recently aimed my Foolishness Pointer Outer at Marijuana. If you care to refresh your aging memory about this Blog I posted on January 13, 2014, go to... http://forii.blogspot.com/2013/01/taking-high-road.html

Hey, you dear Readers who live in New York State, you better pay attention to this one.

Hey, you dear Readers who do not live in New York State, you better pay attention to this one.

My newspaper tells me that the Governor of New York is about to make his state the 23^rd state to allow easier access to Marijuana for Therapeutic Purposes.

I see no need to again state that I think this is a National Unstoppable Mistake because it appears to be a mistake whose time has come.

Did you just say you have decided that you wanted to go back and read my January 13, 2014 blog posting on this subject but you can’t find the link to that bit of foolishness? Do not worry. I will now give you the link again... http://forii.blogspot.com/2013/01/taking-high-road.html

Just like when Prohibition was on a roll to become the year 1920’s National Unstoppable Mistake the will of the people is in the process of being spoken. I will concede that, as influential as this Blog is in shaping national policy, there is nothing that I can peck out that will even slow down this juggernaut. Please do allow me to quibble with one of the Governor of New York’s major selling points...

The bill has a Fail Safe Provision that would allow the Governor to stop the program at any time.

If the Governor decides he will cancel this Marijuana Is Out There Everywhere Program once it is fully embedded in the very fabric of New York, I would recommend that he warm up for the turning off of this spigot by going to Home Depot and buying a good sized Mop Bucket, a Slicker, a big Waterproof Hat and a good pair of Hip Waders and have his chauffer drive him up to Niagara Falls where he can practice throwing the Falls back to the top of the Falls until the Falls gets tired of Falling.

It is going to be impossible to put a stop to the Marijuana Industry after the money starts flowing.

I can just hear it now, “Ah come on, Gov., all those phony doctors sitting in the corner of all those phony Medical Marijuana Clinics are people too. They have families to support. Have a heart!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(431)

Destabilize the Destabilized

I Googled, “Destabilize the Middle East” and got 747,000 results.
Anytime you hear some Talking Head say, “Destabilize the Middle East” (and you hear it often) think about this Blog Posting.
Here are the first 15 of the 747,000...
1. Obama Destabilized the Middle East on Purpose
2. Israel’s Long-Time Strategy to Destabilize the Middle East
3. American Ground Invasions Destabilize the Middle East
4. Snow threatens to destabilize Middle East
5. The Destabilization of Syria and the Broader Middle East War
6. IMPLOSION OF THE MIDDLE EAST: Destabilizing Iraq and Syria
7. Obama and Hillary Helping to Destabilize the Middle East
8. U. S. to Attack Syria and Further Destabilize Middle East
9. Obama Continues the Bush Mistake of Destabilizing the Middle East
10. Brain-Dead Foreign Policy – Destabilizing the Middle East – Feeding the War Cycle
11. Iraqi Shiite Cleric Issues Call to Arms Against Sunni Militants
12. 9/11 - U.S. Planned Middle East Destabilization Since 2000
13. The PNAC Plan to Destabilize the Middle East and the world
14. Destabilizing the Last Stable Area in the Middle East
15. Syrian Civil War Could Destabilize Entire Middle East
I bet you think I made up #4... Snow threatens to destabilize Middle East but I did not. Google it!
My favorite is #14... Destabilizing the Last Stable Area in the Middle East. Believe it or not, the stable referred to is Israel & Palestine. Google it!
Sorry I did not list the other 746, 985 but I think you get the Fella’s drift.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
(333)

Lagniappe: Wow! I just went to check out some of what I pecked out about the 747,000. I searched again on, “Destabilize the Middle East” and found that the 747,000 has jumped to 751,000.
I’m glad I went back to check because I found out I now have a new Favorite! One of the 751,000 is, “Israel-Palestinian ‘Peace’ Would Destabilize Middle East”.
You are forgiven if you think I made this up.

Grandma & Daddy Should Have Known Better

This bit if Foolishness comes to you from my...

I’m More Politically Correct than You Are Politically Correct Department

Modern World appears to be hell bent on condemning people who use phrases that once were Entirely Proper but now are Entirely Absolutely Obviously Not Proper.

• My newspaper told me about an English Grandmother who was ridiculed and accused of being a racist (on Mother’s Day no less) by her 2 grandchildren because she asked one of them if he sang Negro Spirituals in his school choir. The grandmother was shocked and surprised by the verbal attack from her Politically Correct Grandsprings. She was heard to mumble something about how that was what such music was called when she was young. She was probably thinking to herself, “Somehow African-British Spirituals or People of Color Spirituals does not sound right”, as she shamefully slinked off to her nap.
• In my own life I can still picture and hear my Father (he died in 1966) telling me that I should not use the word, “Nigger” but I should say the proper and respectful words, “Colored” or “Negro”. He was a decent man trying to teach his 8 year old offspring correctness before Political Correctness was invented.

Let’s see if I can demonstrate this pervasive silliness with one of my foolish examples…

Let’s say someone said, “That Hispanic Landscaper...” Up pops a Politically Correct Corrector. Yes, they are popping up everywhere. The Corrector would point out that the use of “Hispanic” & “Landscaper” together to identify such a person is a broad brush implication that Hispanic People are not capable of higher forms of employment other than manual low wage servitude to perform chores that some of us feel are beneath some of us. He would surely ask why the word “Hispanic” was used at all. He would finish by demanding to know why the proper term for such employment was not used, Land Beautification Facilitator?

Back to the defense of my Father... It turns out that by our Modern Ever-Changing Politically Correct Standards what he tried to impart to me was neither proper nor respectful. Does that mean my Father was a Racist? Of course he was not but many in today’s Rigid America would say he was indeed a Racist because he should have known the future.

Now that I think about it, he may have been a Racist because, at a minimum, he should have Googled for the proper word usage before he sat me down and tried to teach me what was proper and respectful.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(488)

Lagniappe: In searching Google for the article I saw about the British Grandmother I came across this link listing...

negro spirituals lyrics

famous negro spirituals

negro spirituals audio

negro spirituals YouTube

history of negro spirituals

negro spirituals sheet music

list of negro spirituals

old negro spirituals music

Looks like Google needs to go take a nap also.

Let Me Explain It To You

My newspaper just taught me a lot about Honor Killings. Now that I understand how it works I can better understand where they are coming from... Or can I?

The time “honored” practice of Honor Killing is big in the Middle East.

Did I just hear you say you think we can change their minds about Honor Killings if we only opened a dialog on the subject with them? Come on now, this has been going on for hundreds of years. Instead what we ought to do is to pattern our system of laws after theirs and then they will surely like us.

The following bullet points lay out The Law of the Land in Pakistan...

• A 25 year old woman was recently stoned to death for marrying the person whom she wanted to marry and not the person her family wanted her to marry. 
• She was stoned to death outside the courthouse that had under consideration her appeal to be allowed to marry whomever she wanted to marry.
• Her father, two brothers and her former fiancé (her cousin) were among the dozen or so people who stoned her to death.
• In honor killings most of the time the women’s killers are her own family.
• The only one arrested was her father who says he was required to kill her as a matter of honor because a woman marrying her own choice brings dishonor on her family.
• More than 1,000 Pakistani women are killed each year by their families in honor killings.
• Pakistani Law allows the family to select someone to do the killing and then it also allows the family to forgive the killer.

(I do wish you would stop thinking I make these things up.)

Now do you better understand what we are up against if we try to engage them in a dialog to convince them that our way of doing things is right and theirs is wrong?

An official in my newspaper article is quoted as saying, “This is a huge flaw in the law”. The Smartfella, up until this point, thought all of the people in the middle east were named Mohammed. Now I find myself thinking there is at least one named “Sherlock” because I am thinking, “Flaw in the law? ... No Chit, Sherlock”.

------------------------

In the third paragraph above I said, “We need to pattern our culture after theirs”. Allow me to give you a few examples...

• Drivers ought to be allowed by law to run red lights if they have a burning desire to eat a burrito and they can prove to the court that that’s where they were headed when they ran the red light. 
• It is OK to have murdered someone if there were exactly five eyewitnesses to the murder. 
• A person should not have to pay any income taxes if he can prove that there was at least one person in the Good Ole USofA that makes more money than that person makes.

OK I admit that the three bullets above are silly, unworkable and do not make any sense at all. I still think we ought to give them a try because there is not a smidgen of evidence that they would not work since none of the three ideas have ever been tried.

If the Good Ole USofA is completely destroyed as a result of this experiment in foolishness, I am in full agreement that we ought to declare the whole experiment extreme silly poppycock and go back to before the country had been destroyed and make like it had never been destroyed.

I call all of this a Congressional Mulligan and, if Congressional Mulligans are not in the Constitution, they certainly ought to be.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(642)

Getting That Pesky Human Conscience Out Of The Way!

Killer Robots are going to be debated during an informal meeting of killing experts at the United Nations in Geneva.

You learn something new every day. I always thought Geneva was where we went to talk about not killing people.

This will be the first time that the issue of Killer Robots, or Lethal Autonomous Weapons Systems, will be addressed during the UN Convention on Certain Conventional Weapons (CCW).

Professor Arkin from the Georgia Institute of Technology told the BBC he hoped Killer Robots would be able to significantly reduce non-combatant casualties but feared they would be rushed into battle before this was accomplished.

He went on to state that Killer Robots may be better able to determine when not to engage a target than humans can determine, "and could potentially exercise greater care in so doing".

(Don’t you just love it when terms like, “exercise greater care” are used in discussions about killing people.)

The discussion of drones, however, is not on the agenda as they are yet able to operate completely autonomously. There are signs this may change in the near future. (Yes, the underlined part is a link. Click on it if you want to read some really futuristic stuff that Fella is not getting into in this blog posting.)

What will they think of next? Such a tidy idea... Robots with no blood, sweat or tears on our side and piles of dead on the other side of the battlefield.

Or is their side going to be our side?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe:

In the Past... Peter Sellers said, “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War the Room!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAeqVGP-GPM

In the Future... We might be saying, “You can’t kill us in here. We are being busy killed by that thing up there and it does not seem to acknowledge the White Flag we are waving at it. We are up to our third Flag Holder.”

(334)

Peter The Great Furnerk

I went to the Cell Phone Hall of Fame yesterday. It was an eye opening experience.

As I walked into the Hall’s very impressive lobby I was greeted by an immense statue of a be-speckled young man holding a cell phone in his hand and gazing off into the far beyond.

That statue could not help but get your attention. I immediately became curious to know who the man was who had inspired such a huge statue of himself.

The pedestal’s plaque read, “Peter Furnerk”. Now that I knew who he was I still did not know who he was. I asked the Docent who was standing nearby (they are always standing nearby).

The Docent was polite (they are always polite) but he did seem to be a bit unbelieving that I was asking such a silly question. For a moment it seemed that he was not going to even tell me who Mr. Furnerk was. It was as if he thought I was so uninformed he felt, “You Can’t Handle The Info!” I fully expected Jack Nicholson to appear and slap me around a bit.

He finally decided I was one or two steps above completely stupid so he gave me the truth to try and handle.

He explained that the sainted Mr. Furnerk was once a low level executive with a fledgling company named Cell Phones R Us. His stroke of genius was that he came up with the marketing idea used to convince the parents of the Good Ole USofA that they should buy their children Cell Phones due to Safety Concerns.

The parents immediately grasped the idea that their little tykes needed to be protected from Sexual Predators, Evil Doers, Strangers, the Riff, the Raff, Frick, Frack and those of a Differing Political Persuasion.

This marketing pitch changed the Cell Phone from a mere Sure-Fire Winner to an Unbelievable Skyrocket that will never come down to Earth. Overnight the Cell Phone went from an Adult Necessity to a Wet Slippery Necessity that that babies all across the Fruited Plain were gnawing on in their baby cribs at night.

Life is not always fair. Mr. Furnerk got a statue erected to him but the poor soul who first stood up many years ago and recommended to his Board of Directors that their company ought to start bottling and selling something they got out of their home faucets for free was fired and died penniless in a flop house in Altoona.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(423)

Something Is Wrong. I’m Not Smart Enough To Know Exactly What Is Wrong. I’ll Let You Figure It Out.

My newspaper tells me that in 2013 our 9% Approval Rating Congress (elected by us) passed 73 Laws.

During 2013 Bureaucrats (elected by no one) issued 3,659 Regulations.

There is the thorny issue. The 73 is probably too high but the 3,659 is definitely too high. You’re smart. You figure it out.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: For starters, we ought to require the Bureaucrats adopt the Congress’ Three Day Work Week? Really, how much damage can they do in Three days? Oops! I just saw the flaw in this bit of logic.

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Message to Congress. Don’t Be A Yes Man! Next Time Your Party Leader Says No ... You Say No!

Before I get into the Foolishness of this one, consider these facts about the Post Office’s plan to save money by eliminating some House To House Delivery...

• Something has to be done since the Postal Service reported a $1.9 billion loss for the first three months this year despite continued cost-cutting, a 2.3 percent rise in operating revenue and increased employee productivity.
• Something has to be done since the package business has risen but the Postal Service continues to struggle with inflationary cost increases and an ongoing decline in first-class mailing as people move to the Internet for letter writing and bill paying.
• Postal officials have asked repeatedly for comprehensive legislation from Congress to give them more control over personnel and benefit costs and more flexibility in pricing and products.
• Various legislative proposals have been advanced but Congress has not been able to agree on a bill with any broad changes.
• A 2006 law requires the Postal Service to prefund its retiree health benefits. Meeting that requirement accounts for the bulk of the Postal Service's red ink.
• Converting to communal or curbside delivery would save $2 billion annually.
• The plan to put banks of cluster boxes with separate compartments for each address has not been proposed for urban areas since there's no place on city streets to put the cluster boxes.
• People with disabilities who have difficulty leaving their homes could get waivers.
• People who still want delivery to their door could pay extra for it.
• Only 1% of all addresses nationwide would undergo a delivery change.
• Communal boxes offer a safe, locked location for packages, doing away with the need for carriers to leave packages on porches and subject to theft and bad weather.

Everyone ought to agree that something has to be done. Even Congress agrees something has to be done. The problem with Congress is what ought to be done.

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THE PROPOSED PLAN:

“WASHINGTON (AP) — Millions of Americans would no longer get mail delivered to their door but would have to go to communal or curbside boxes instead under a proposal advancing through Congress.

The Republican-controlled House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, on an 18-13 party-line vote, approved a bill Wednesday to direct the U.S. Postal Service to convert 15 million addresses over the next decade to the less costly, but also less convenient delivery method.”

Here is what caught my eye in the above two paragraphs, “on an 18-13 party-line vote”.

The Smartfella’s question is, Why can’t the political parties agree on anything in Washington D.C.?

It is an Etched in Stone Undeniable Fact that Congress cannot agree on anything and here is how it works...

• An idea is proposed.
• The idea is brought up for discussion in Congress.
• The first thing any member of Congress asks is, “Which party made this proposal?”
• If the answer comes back that the Democrat Party made the proposal, a Democrat says, “That’s brilliant! I agree wholeheartedly” and a Republican says, “That is unworkable! You can bet that this proposal is DOA (Dead on Arrival)”.
• If the answer comes back that the Republican Party made the proposal, a Republican says, “That’s brilliant! I agree wholeheartedly” and a Democrat says, “That is unworkable! You can bet that this proposal is DOA (Dead on Arrival)”.

As usual I have a fix...

• Do not tell any member of Congress who made any proposal.
• Do not let them discuss any proposal.
• Do not let them go to Happy Hour because this would give them occasion to find out who proposed the proposal.
• Hold a vote within 20 minutes of the surfacing of any proposal.

This would force the various members of Congress to make up their own minds without the Party’s Leadership telling them how to think.

I drove to Washington yesterday and asked the first 12 members of Congress I came across what did they think about the Curbside Delivery Save a Ton of Money Proposal. Without exception each one of them immediately took out his Smartphone and Googled the word “think”.

My drive home was very depressing.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

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There Is Still Hope

Here is what greeted me in my newspaper this morning on the World & Nation page...

• Nigeria’s Boko Haram kills 29 in village attack
• Security Council urged to consider Syria aid access
• Bomb wounds three in Kenyan city of Mombasa
• Puerto Rico cops arrested on corruption charges
• Thirty-two killed in attacks on Shi’ite pilgrims
• Two companies recall walnuts and hummus
• U.S. states probe eBay cyber attack
• Thai army takes power in coup
• Michael Jace (whoever that is) (I put in the parentheses before this parentheses) charged with wife’s murder
• Jennifer Lawrence blames friend for her throwing up

Why do I think There Is Still Hope? That’s because, after reading all the above, I turned to the Comics Page and Blondie & Dagwood are still there.

Yea, I know, I am very good at Grasping at Straws.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

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Revolutionary Idea For A New Form Of Government For The Good Ole USofA

Let’s elect Representatives and Senators and send them to Washington D.C. and have them vote on issues on our behalf.

What’s that you say? You say that we already have such a form of government? You really think so? Guess you have not been paying attention.

What we have now is a House of Representatives and a Senate where two individuals decide what the other 433 Representative and Senators will vote on. If these two guys see that they do not have enough votes to carry their side, they do not allow any vote to even take place.

The Smartfella’s Question Of The Day...

Why Do We Have The Other 433 Representatives and Senators?

If we did not bother electing, paying, housing and flying the 433 back and forth, we would save a lot of money.

Anytime change is contemplated in Washington there are always Special Interest Groups that bring pressure to bear to protect their narrow self interest. This idea of mine will certainly devastate one very influential industry and we can expect their spirited opposition... The Happy Hour Industry.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

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