Obsessed ... Or Am I?

I admit that I am constantly looking at those around me that who are constantly talking on their cell phones. Is it necessary to always be in communication with someone about something? Is it even healthy?

Whatever happened to time spent sitting around contemplating about things? Einstein used to spend a lot of time thinking. He spent years working complex problems in his thinking head. Where would we be if every time he started to make progress, his cell phone would have played the cute little tune he had selected from...

10,000Cuteand/orTerriblyAnnoyingRingTones.com

Most of all I think driving and talking on one’s cell phone is downright dangerous. I can’t help it but it really gets to me. If I was to go on a campaign to stop this unsafe driving practice, I would certainly be vilified, verbally attacked, rotten vegetables would be thrown in my direction or worse.

I feel certain that in one of my many appearances to defend myself in court about one of the many law suits that would certainly be filed against me I would hear a prosecuting attorney uttering words like this...

“Your honor, the Founding Fathers of this great country of ours wanted us all to talk on our cell phones. If it were not so, they would not have bothered putting Freedom of Speech in our Constitution.”

I’ve written about talking and driving on the phone before but I was pushed over the edge again by a sight I witnessed yesterday at a stop light...

• I was just sitting at the red light trying my best to solve the Mid-Eastern Situation when I took note of a car to my right in the cross street to my own street.
• It had come to a rather abrupt stop as the light had changed.
• Sure enough the lady was holding a cell phone in her right hand to her right ear and also was trying to solve the Mid-Eastern Situation.
• This, of course, had me muttering to myself as I started going through my green light.
• About the time I got even with the cell phone using lady, she lifted her left hand to take a bite out of the foot long sub sandwich she was holding in her left hand.

What dexterity this woman possessed! I feel certain that, if the late great Ed Sullivan were still on television, this lady would be one of his acts right along with the Jugglers, the Trampoline Jumping Artists and the Plate Spinners on Long Sticks Guys. I am certain she would have been a hit.

Our Founding Fathers would be very proud of her.

Would I kid u?

Before You Panic ... Ask Me

Modern America is driven by information coming at us from all directions. Sometimes we are dozing in front of the television and pay no attention (if we are lucky). Other times we are awake and get excited. Sometimes there is need to get excited but many times we should pay no attention.

A good example is the Swine Flu Pandemic if 2009/10. Right there you see a prime example of the, “We Have Got to Get Their Attention 24/7 News Cycle”. It could have been called the Swine Flu Outbreak but they (“they” is the same as “them”) wanted this one to be a Pandemic.

I have done my research on this bit of Foolishness...Or Is It? and I know you appreciate my efforts on your behalf...

This is a quote from an story dated September 1, 2009...

“A White House report from an expert panel suggests that from 30 percent to half the population could catch swine flu during the course of this pandemic and that from 30,000 to 90,000 could die.”

Allow me to show the results of my analysis of the above attention grabbing statistics filled quote about how many of us could have caught the Swine Flu...

• 30% of the U.S. population would mean that 93,000,000 of us could have caught the Swine Flu.
• 50% of the U.S. population would mean that 156,000,000 of us could have caught the Swine Flu.
• Using information I have gathered from the Internet I have found that there were actually 113,690 cases of Swine Flu reported in the U.S. and to get to that number Puerto Rico, Guam, American Samoa, U.S. Virgin Islands and Northern Mariana Islands were included.

Allow me to also show the results of my analysis of the above attention grabbing statistics about deaths...

• The number predicted that could die of the Swine Flu was 30,000 to 90,000.
• That actual number, again including Puerto Rico, Guam, American Samoa, U.S. Virgin Islands and Northern Mariana Islands, that did die was 3,433.

We have often heard it said, “That’s good enough for government work”. I’m sure glad that the government does not work in the world of sports. If it did we might hear something said like, “Babe Ruth hit 3,712 home runs in 1927” (for those of you who don’t know sports, the actual number was 60).

Next time we have a pandemic on the way, contact me and I will tell you what to do to protect yourself. I could have saved us all a lot of consternation if only I had been asked. The picture below is what I would have advised about

How to Prevent Swine Flu...

Would I kid u?

Education ... Or is it?

In the world of modern education there is some good news and some bad news out there. 

Cursive Writing

Bad News: This form of writing has fallen into disuse. For some reason Americans have started printing. My local newspaper told me recently that a decision was pending about whether or not the teaching of Cursive Writing is going to be completely discontinued in the State of Georgia.

Don’t tell the “educators” making this decision but I think many of our schools have already taken this “progressive” step and have stopped teaching this antiquated subject. They probably replaced it with Multi-Cultural Dancing or Social Networking.

Since we are talking about jobs so much during our current dire economic situation, think about all the jobs that are being lost as cursive writing goes down the tubes due to the fact that Handwriting Experts are being given their pink slips every day.

Spelling

The next set of instruction that will be discontinued will be Spelling. It will be replaced by an attitude that says, Come as Close as You Can and Let Them Figure It Out.

Punctuation

Already gone is Punctuation. In the catalog where it used to be listed as a subject is a notation that says, “Punctuation was once considered a requirement but has fallen into disuse in recent years and is now seen for what it really is ... A waste of time and ink”.

Touch Typing

Touch Typing also used to be very important but it is now history. My two sons were steered towards Touch Typing classes by my wife. They probably took some guff from other boys for taking “a girl’s class” but they actually benefited from their mother’s foresight.

Good News: I have also read where there is a strong movement to put Touch Typing classes back into our teaching curriculum.

Bad News: The modern student is going to be taught to Touch Type using only his thumbs.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Congress Can Stop Spending All That Money If They Only Would Listen To Me

They are going at it hot and heavy up in our beloved congress about how to stop spending all the money we don’t have. The negotiations have progressed to this point...

“We all agree that we have to stop spending all this money we don’t have.”

1. This is progress because congress has now come to an understanding about what the problem truly is.

2. The next step is to agree on what spending needs to be cut.

3. The bad news is #2 above will never happen.

As usual I do not just present problems without proposing solutions. The solution is so simple you are going to kick yourself for not thinking of it without my help...

The cuts need to come from all other congressional districts other than your congressman’s congressional district.

I told you it was a simple solution.

Would I kid u?

How To Get Rid Of Your Wife

Want to have your wife go away for awhile? These calculations are brought to you by me and my calculator.

This bit of reasoning is a re-occurring theme with me but I’m going to have a go at it again because it appears no one is paying any attention to me (especially the U.S. Congress).

The recent and ongoing Budget Battle keeps throwing around Millions and Billions and Trillions. It could very likely be that our congress is getting so used to the terms that our congress appears to have lost sight of the true meaning of the words…

Our 2011 Federal Budget is only 3.55. How big can 3.55 be? Even if you tack on Trillion to the 3.55, it is still only 3.55 and 3.55 is not even 4.

Think of it this way: If you were to give your wife the three different sums of money below with the following instructions the result would be the result…

Go out shopping and spend $1,000 each day and don’t come home until you have spent all the money I have given you.

• If you gave her $1 Million, you would not see your wife again for 2.7 years.
• If you gave her $1 Billion, you would not see your wife again for 2,740 years.
• If you gave her $1 Trillion, you would not see your wife again for 2,739,726 years.

I am sure that many members of our congress would look at my Foolish Calculations above and have their staff issue a statement that would go something like this…

I do find this interesting but I see it as an attempt to confuse the folk back home about something or other. 2,739,726 is actually 2.7 million. I’m smarter than a 5th grader (or you would not have elected me…or would you have?) and any 5th grader knows that 2.7 is not even 3 and 3 ain’t that much.

Numbers are really strange and fascinating. Do you realize that the above Foolish Calculations will also work if a wife wanted to make her husband go away for awhile?

Would I kid u?

There’s The Tree In The Forest Dilemma & There’s The Other One

We all know the age old dilemma that goes…

If A Tree Falls In The Forest When No One Is Around, Does It Make A Noise?

I am pecking this Foolishness…Or Is It? directed at the new age dilemma…

If A News Camera Is Turned On In The Middle/Far East, Was The Demonstration That It Records Already There Or Does It Immediately Come Into Existence Because The Camera Was Turned On?

This requires us to also consider…

• On our news programs we always see signs that are printed in English. Are the demonstrations so organized and sophisticated that the sign holders stop and re-sign themselves all the time so that in the Netherlands the signs printed in Dutch, in Russia they are printed in Russian, in Brazil they are printed in Portuguese, etc.?
• If the above bullet is correct, the Sign Making Industry must be really big over there. In addition to Big Oil they must also have Big Sign.
• Have you noticed that the demonstrators are always wide-eyed? Is this a requirement? Is there a sign in the waiting rooms where they go to sign up to begin their careers as demonstrators that reads...

Non Wide Eyed Persons Need Not Apply

• Are the demonstrators driven by a power larger than themselves? In other words, if the camera was never turned off, would they be unable to stop demonstrating and eventually die before our very eyes clutching their current sign?

All of these considerations are very confusing but there is one thing I know for certain...

The person who invented the term “Yankee Go Home” is in the Demonstration Hall of Fame and has had statues erected in his honor all over the Middle/Far East.

Would I kid u?

How Long Is A 60 Minute News Show?

I for one am very tired of the 24/7 News Cycle. I am, however, not one to say that’s the way is has to be. I am a Fighter but most of all I am a Thinking Fighter and I have come up with a fool proof way to address this awful situation.

I am, here and now, proposing the way to cut any current 60 Minute News show down to 30 minutes! It is so simple that you, my dear readers, are going to kick your collective selves for not thinking of it ahead of me.

On All Of These 60 Minute News Shows Prohibit The Talking News Head From Quoting The Results Of Any News Poll Of The American People

That is it. That would save easily 30 minutes an hour.

I am not so shallow as to just lay those saved 30 minutes on the trash bin of history. I am concurrently proposing that the time gained be filled in by showing reruns of any of the following…

• Amos ‘n Andy
• The Ozzie & Harriet Show
• Amos ‘n Andy
• The Lone Ranger
• Amos ‘n Andy

If you have never had the pleasure of watching any of the above shows, I feel sorry for you.

I take that back. I don’t feel sorry for you because you have a lot of viewing pleasure lying in front of you.

If, after watching any of them, you say you don’t like what you have watched, I will then feel sorry for you for sure.

Would I kid u?

In Honor Of Our Income Tax System

I ought to do this every year to raise your awareness to the awful and confusing burden put upon us by our bloated Income Tax System. Below you will find an exact reproduction of instructions I copied from Turbo Tax yesterday as it tried to explain my taxes to me as a part of my annual pilgrimage to April 15^th.

This is only a small bit of our Tax Understanding Problem. According to a site called U. S Tax Code On-Line which can be seen at…http://www.fourmilab.ch/uscode/26usc/, there are a lot of other instructions we must contend with every year…
“The complete Internal Revenue Code is more than 24 megabytes in length, and contains more than 3.4 million words; printed 60 lines to the page, it would fill more than 7500 letter-size pages.”

I am not trying to be cute. I did not change a word of the instructions below. I would explain it to you, dear reader, if I knew what the heck the IRS was trying to tell us.

“Material Participation
You materially participate in your business if you are actively involved in the operation of your business.
You materially participated if you pass any of the following tests:

• You participate in the activity for more than 500 hours during the year.
• You are the only person who substantially participates in the activity , including nonowners.
• You participate in the activity more than 100 hours during the year and no one else participates more than you do, including nonowners.
• You participate more than 100 hours in this and other activities, and the total for all the activities is more than 500 hours.

Also:

• If you materially participate in a personal service activity for at least three years you are a material participant for life. Personal services include child care, consultant, real estate agent, etc
• You participated in the activity on a regular, continuous, and substantial basis for more than 100 hours during the year.
• If married, you can include your spouse's participation toward the 500- and 100-hour tests.

Requirements:
The work you performed must have been:

• Done at the time you owned an interest in the activity, and must have been the type that an owner customarily does.

Exceptions:

• Any hours managing the activity do not count toward material participation if:
• Anyone other than you received compensation for managing the activity, or
• Anyone spent more hours than you performing services in managing the activity during the year.”

This all started in 1913 when average income was around $15,000 and the original 1040 form (click link below) shows that the Income Tax Rate was 0% up to $20,000 and 1% between $20,000 and not exceeding $50,000...
http://www.ourdocuments.gov/document_data/document_images/doc_057b_big.jpg

This is the part of a Foolishness...Or Is It? where I would normally peck out something cute but I can’t do that today because there are tears in my eyes. (Or did I just peck out something cute? I can’t tell because there are tears in my eyes).

Would I kid u?

The World Is Going To Hell In A Hand Basket (Whatever That Means) & Then We Have The World Of Miss Manners

Here is a list of just a few things wrong with the world in which we are required to live…

• Terrorism is blowing up people on a daily basis.
• There is great hunger out there.
• Diseases are rampant and, in many cases, we have no clue as to how to cure them.
• The United Nations was invented to stop all wars but, since its inception, there have been many wars (a.k.a. Police Actions, Conflicts, Overseas Contingency Operations, Nation On Nation Quarrels, etc.).
• The world community has tried its best but has been unable to stem the flow of funny looking hats to Muammar Gaddafi.                

In the midst of all this consternation we have Gentle Reader and her Baby’s First Birthday Issues. Here is her letter to Miss Manners which clearly lays out her predicament…

Dear Miss Manners:

When my baby was first born, I signed her thank-you notes with my husband's and my names. My husband says I should sign her first birthday present thank-yous with her name.

I feel kind of stupid doing this, and writing things like "I look adorable in my new dress" instead of "She looks adorable in her new dress." Also, do I address the cards to her baby friends or to their parents?

Miss Manners is more polite than I am but, if I were Miss Manners (thank heaven I’m not), I would have written Mommie back saying, “Please see to it that you or your baby refrain from ever writing me again. I have more critical Proper Place Setting Issues with which to contend”.

Would I kid u?

I Am A Firm Believer That Talking Heads Can Talk

I will readily accept the fact that Talking Heads can talk but can they think? Allow me to prove to you that they definitely cannot think.

I was on my way to Home Depot and listening to the car radio. It was then that I realized two things…

First… We are into the second phase of the Japan Earthquake and Tsunami Disaster.
Second… Talking Heads have 3X5 index cards in their hands at all times and, no matter what the person being interviewed says, they are going to read the next question on their 3X5 index card.

Phase One…Everything Is Awful & We are All Going To Die: Japan’s Earthquake and Tsunami was an absolute feeding frenzy for our news media. It has allowed them to panic and to demand that we panic right along with them. They enjoy doing this kind of thing to us…

• We are all going to die and, if we don’t, we are going to wish we had.
• California was going to be under water.
• We were all about to start glowing with radioactivity.
• A Federal Directive was reported to be imminent that we were not going to ever be able to eat anything that begins with the letter “J” (Japan).

Phase Two…It Is Not So Bad After All: In this phase they explain to us that all the terrible things we have come to fear are not going to happen after all. The strangest thing is the media, who told us all those terrible things, are now acting as if they have no idea who told us all those terrible things.

Today’s interview I heard with the Talking Head proves that I know about what I am pecking out to you.

The All-Knowing Expert being interviewed said that the danger from eating any food imported from Japan was very low. To prove her point she said the following…

• If we were to eat contaminated spinach that had been grown in a field next to the nuclear power plant that blew up and melted down and looks really bad on TV, we would not be harmed.
• If we would eat that spinach every day for an entire year we would receive the same radiation we would receive from a single MRI.

The All-Knowing Talking Head then said, “Well that is a relief! That isn't anything to worry about. Let’s go to happy hour!”

That is not what out All-Knowing Talking Head said. True to the Code of Heads she asked the next question on the 3X5 index card. She asked, “Are you advising that Americans not eat any food imported from Japan?”

Because some of you persist in thinking that I make everything up I again feel compelled to say the following…

The Interview I Related To You Above

Is Not Made Up!

(OK, I did make up the part before the interview about not being able to eat anything that begins with the letter “J”.)

Would I kid u?

Manipulating Our Judicial System ... Again

This is another lesson in how our Judicial System can be twisted every which way you could imagine and how it does not have the ability to say, “Get the Heck out Of My Courtroom!”

I already published this Foolishness...Or Is It? in January, 2009. Does that make this Remedial Foolishness?

• A father has won a court decision after he contended that his high-achieving high school daughter was being wronged because there was a moment of silent reflection (formerly known as Prayer) lasting 30 seconds before classes began.
• The 30 seconds of silence were set aside in compliance with his state’s law so that each student could pray to their own god in their own way.
• You are probably thinking that daddy was objecting because this was some kind of mandate for a prayer and he objected to any attempt to make his child pray to or about anything but this was not his hang up.
• He said he had sued because his daughter was in competition with other students in other schools in other states for admission into the Big Ten University System and these 30 seconds of delay was hurting her chances because the other students in other states were not having their education delayed.
• His Bottom Line ... His daughter was being “forced” to play "catch up".

Just in case you have short term memory loss and you forgot what I told you at the beginning of this Foolishness... This Concerned Father Won His Lawsuit.

Some bloggers hold the best part for last but not me. I hold the saddest part for last.

Would I kid u?

Fixing Libya Made Easy

Things are getting more serious each day in Libya. Part of the Good Ole USofA’s part in this getting seriously serious is our call for Meaningful Sanctions Against Libya.

The sanctions being discussed are both military and economic. I will not get into the specifics of what is being proposed because all of them miss the mark and are (even all added together) totally inadequate.

The Smartfella? is the only one with the guts and intelligence to call for the sanction that will bring Colonel Kadafi to his knees and hit him where it really hurts…

We Ought To Immediately Prohibit The Importation Of Funny Looking Hats Into Libya!

That oughta do it for sure.

Would I kid u?

 

                      

History Repeating Itself

I have not called myself The Smartfella? for a while. I guess I was wanting to avoid being repetitious about something you all know is Absolute Fact.

Today I am now going to go one step further in proving how smart I am. I am going to remind you how I was on top of today’s happenings in January of last year.

For days now our congress has been discussing Raising The Debt Limit. In January 2010 I poked fun at this very same subject because congress was going through this very same Foolishness.

I was not kidding you.
Click in the next line…
http://forii.blogspot.com/2010_01_29_archive.html

Numbers Made Simple In Our Congress

You know it has to be true because I saw it with my own eyes and I have never lied to you ... Or have I?

What I saw was an impassioned plea by a member of our U.S. Congress about reducing the budget. Here is what I heard him say...
“I ask my colleges to consider what is being proposed by the honorable gentleman from the other side of the aisle. After much soul searching and consultations with every number savvy guy I could get my hands on, I have proposed a reduction of 300 million dollars in the funds allocated for this worthy project.

I could not believe the ignorance of fiscally fiscal issues displayed by my good friend when he countered with a reduction of 3 billion dollars and called it a larger reduction than the reduction I proposed.

I have been in this august body for 32 years and it never ceases to amaze me that those members in the opposition party cannot understand basic arithmetic. Am I smarter that a fifth grader? You bet I am. I am certainly smart enough to know that 300 is a hell of a lot bigger than 3!

It is on days like this that I think that 32 years may just be enough. Having to go to happy hour every day with the likes of this honorable gentleman is becoming too hard to bear. I just may hang it up and go back to the state that sent me here 32 years ago, if I could only remember which state that was.”

Ok I admit it I made every bit of the above quote up ... Or did I?

Would I kid u?

The Learned People Who Populate Our Institutes Of Higher Education Are Really Smart People Who Do Really Smart And Useful Research... Or Are They... Or Do They?

When you read this article (see link at end of this Foolishness), note how many University People are studying this Foolishness... And It Is.

• Colorado State University
• University of Hawaii
• University of Southern Mississippi in Hattiesburg
• University of Southern Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
• University of Toulouse

Let us not forget that the City of New York & the NYC Department of City Planning studied this issue also.

I have 3 questions for the University Researchers & NYC Bureaucrats who are analyzing this useless data for all of mankind…

• Do they really do this?
• Do they get paid to do this?
• Why do they do this?

Is it really important that some pedestrians walk at 3.74 feet per second & others walk at 3.79 feet per second?

Just think about how much effort went into determining the above useless statistic.

Click on link below:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703786804576138261177599114.html

If you click on it and if you read it, I will understand perfectly if you get angry with me for making you waste your time. On the other hand, it is pretty funny.

Would I kid u?

There Is Nothing Small About Our Congress

The other day I was walking through our family room and my wife was watching CSPAN. (She watches CSPAN 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 a lot. I walk through the family room a lot.) On this walk through I was shocked by something I heard coming out of the box that I had not heard in a long time. I stopped and stared in disbelief. I thought for a long moment I had gone back in time.

The dedicated congressman who was hurrying through his pontificating because his 2 minutes were running out said, “Seven hundred thousand...”. There it is. Don’t you see it? I have not heard anyone of my elected representatives say a hundred thousand of anything in a long time.

I must qualify the prior statement... What I mean is I have not heard a hundred thousand of anything that was not hooked on to a Million or a Billion or a Trillion, as in...

Sixteen Trillion, Five Billion, Three Hundred & Fifty Million, Two Hundred & Thirty Five Thousand

There it is on the end... “Two Hundred & Thirty Five Thousand”. The hundred thousands are always on the end. Such puny numbers are never spoken all by their lonesome anymore.

That’s progress ... or is it?

Would I kid u?

Walnuts R Us

What is it with us that our Congress will spend absolute fortunes on anything and everything you can imagine but, in some of our Congressmen’s minds, we spend nothing?

Think I am not making sense again? ... Please allow me to explain.

There is an ongoing financial commitment in our annual federal budget aimed at one of America’s favorite nuts. Few can argue with the need for this allocation of our tax dollars...

Improving the Hardness of Walnut Shells to Prevent Flavor Leakage

Twenty years ago Congress originally appropriated $200,000 to this worthy endeavor.

Under pressure from a heavily funded lobbying group called Nuts Are Nutritional, LLC (NAN), Congress has raised the amount allocated for this project every year for 20 years. In the budget negotiations for the 21^st year a member of congress stands up and says,
“Last year’s Walnut Hardness Appropriation was $6,677,098.22. Can you believe that a country which used to be as rich as we used to be only spends this paltry a sum on such a worthy project? I am here and now proposing a $1,000,000 increase in next year’s appropriation.”

Then these words will inevitably be spoken...
“It is unconscionable that a country as large as this will not spend anything to help the walnut!”

There you have it. If we do not spend more in any year, the amount we do spend is declared to be nothing.

Since when did $6,677,098.22 become nothing? In our Congress it may not be much but it isn’t nothing.

Would I kid u?

Road Name Rage

Please look at my book's web site, buy a book & then send the link to friends (or enemies) who have $10 to spend on the World's Greatest Bathroom Book.

CLICK ON THE WEB SITE’S LINK BELOW http://foolishnessorisit.com/default.aspx

In the crazy world we live in there is Road Rage. In the Atlanta Metropolitan Area we have Road Name Confusion causing Road Name Rage.

The reason for this consternation is the practice of those who name roads to change the names of roads every few blocks (an exaggeration) or every few miles (not an exaggeration) for no apparent reason.

Here is one prime example of the plethora of prime examples that are at this very moment befuddling drivers out there. Jimmy Carter Boulevard is not always Jimmy Carter Boulevard. Going from south to north at some point in its meandering through our metro it is...

• South Hairston Rd (south of Rockbridge Rd).
• North Hairston Rd (north of Rockbridge Rd).
• Mountain Industrial Blvd (change made north of E. Ponce De Leon Ave).
• Jimmy Carter Blvd NW (change made at Lawrenceville Hwy) ... NW leads one to believe that there is a SE but there is not a SE or a NE or a SW.
• Holcomb Bridge Rd NW ... NW leads one to believe that there is a SE but there is not a SE or a NE or a SW.
• Holcomb Bridge Rd without the NW.
• E. Crossville Rd (change made northwest of Alpharetta St ... which changes to Alpharetta Hwy at the point where Holcomb Bridge Rd changes to E. Crossville Rd).
• W. Crossville Rd (change made northwest of Crabapple Rd).
• Woodstock Rd (change made where Woodstock Rd coming from the south changes to King Rd as Woodstock Rd makes a dramatic left turn to continue as Woodstock Rd ... which used to be W. Crossville Rd).
• Alabama Rd NE (change made northwest of Sandy Springs Rd NE) ... NE leads one to believe that there is a SW but there is not a SW or a NW or a SE.
• Highway 92 (change made at Knotts Point Dr where it changes to Wiley Point Rd).
• Alabama Rd (change made at Woodland Dr).
• Cherokee Rd (change made at Hunt Rd).
• Cowan Rd NW (can’t figure out where change is made) ... Yea, you guessed it, there is no NE or SE or SW.

The defenders of this confusing name changing practice will say, “Yea but this example of yours travels a long way”. The Smartfella? retorts to them, “Yea but the road is continuous. It does not go into a swamp named one name and come out on the other side of the swamp six miles south named another name”.

I wonder how these Naming People would like it if some bureaucratic entity changed their name every time they had a birthday and/or changed jobs and/or got a new tattoo.

My fondest wish is to be approached one day by a person looking confused who says, “Hi. How are you doing today? I am the person who is employed by the Atlanta Metropolitan Area to change the names of roads for no apparent reason. Could you possible help me? I am lost”.

Would I kid u?

I Am Now In Complete Charge Of Entertainment And Music At Next Year’s Super Bowl

Help is on the way... Me!

I just received a call from the Commissioner of the National Football League. He has seen the light. He said I am now in charge of entertainment, music and the halftime show at next year’s Super Bowl. My plan is simple...

• Christina Aguilera will not be singing the National Anthem. In her stead will be a uniformed Army Sergeant Baritone who will not take one syllable words and extend them into eight syllable words. Since I am a firm believer in the punishment befitting the crime, this is what I would prescribe for Christina... She will not be allowed within 500 miles of the game itself. She will not be allowed to watch the game on TV. Neither will she be allowed to read any newspaper about the game either before or after the game. She will be put on 24 hour surveillance and the person who even tells her the final score will be subjected to the same penalty I am prescribing for her in the following Super Bowl. If you think I am being too harsh, watch her “performance” by clicking below... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgxA3Aus8jY&feature=player_embedded
  UPDATE...On 2/18/2011 I clicked on this link and found that UTube has cancelled it. That's OK. It would have probably damaged your ear drums.
• Back in my youth I went to a Tulane University freshman football game. I and the other 63 fans in attendance were treated to a halftime show that far surpassed what those Peas People inflicted upon us last night. The Tulane game had in the stands about ten guys from the University’s big band tooting throughout the game. At halftime they went down on the field and played the Gillette Look Sharp/Be Sharp March and lined up in single file on the 50 yard line in an exact replication of an Unshaven Male Facial Hair. It was great! It was certainly a lot better than the Peas People... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIi-ku0nRGQ&feature=related

What this country needs is the Southern University Marching Band... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCJWuXCqDDk
We also need a strong dose of John Phillip Souza... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znEePD1nJxo&feature=related
Would I kid u?

Stop It At The Source

I just read in my newspaper that, if we build a new Export Terminal in Washington State to ship coal to China, we will be responsible for the pollution of China’s atmosphere when the coal is burned in China’s inefficient coal burning facilities.

In some people’s minds the U.S. is responsible for everything that happens ... everything bad.

Since the above is an undeniable Foolish Fact, my mind started churning on another evil that the good ole USofA is responsible for and how we can turn it into a source of job creation which will help our struggling economy in these dire economic times.

We are the breadbasket of the world. We export humongous amounts of grain all over the Earth and have been doing so for a very long time. The inevitable result of this grain exportation is methane produced by the cows that eat our grains. Our unending desire to make money is harming the ecology.

If our Federal Government would go on an all out campaign to ramp up plants all over the country to produce Cow Corks we would stimulate Manufacturing, Employment, Tax Revenue and help our Balance of Trade Numbers all at the same time. This is a Win Win idea if I have ever heard of one!

With this increase in Tax Revenue we could then increase our lobbying efforts to beg the Chinese to loan us more money.

Would I kid u?