Road Name Rage

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In the crazy world we live in there is Road Rage. In the Atlanta Metropolitan Area we have Road Name Confusion causing Road Name Rage.

The reason for this consternation is the practice of those who name roads to change the names of roads every few blocks (an exaggeration) or every few miles (not an exaggeration) for no apparent reason.

Here is one prime example of the plethora of prime examples that are at this very moment befuddling drivers out there. Jimmy Carter Boulevard is not always Jimmy Carter Boulevard. Going from south to north at some point in its meandering through our metro it is...

• South Hairston Rd (south of Rockbridge Rd).
• North Hairston Rd (north of Rockbridge Rd).
• Mountain Industrial Blvd (change made north of E. Ponce De Leon Ave).
• Jimmy Carter Blvd NW (change made at Lawrenceville Hwy) ... NW leads one to believe that there is a SE but there is not a SE or a NE or a SW.
• Holcomb Bridge Rd NW ... NW leads one to believe that there is a SE but there is not a SE or a NE or a SW.
• Holcomb Bridge Rd without the NW.
• E. Crossville Rd (change made northwest of Alpharetta St ... which changes to Alpharetta Hwy at the point where Holcomb Bridge Rd changes to E. Crossville Rd).
• W. Crossville Rd (change made northwest of Crabapple Rd).
• Woodstock Rd (change made where Woodstock Rd coming from the south changes to King Rd as Woodstock Rd makes a dramatic left turn to continue as Woodstock Rd ... which used to be W. Crossville Rd).
• Alabama Rd NE (change made northwest of Sandy Springs Rd NE) ... NE leads one to believe that there is a SW but there is not a SW or a NW or a SE.
• Highway 92 (change made at Knotts Point Dr where it changes to Wiley Point Rd).
• Alabama Rd (change made at Woodland Dr).
• Cherokee Rd (change made at Hunt Rd).
• Cowan Rd NW (can’t figure out where change is made) ... Yea, you guessed it, there is no NE or SE or SW.

The defenders of this confusing name changing practice will say, “Yea but this example of yours travels a long way”. The Smartfella? retorts to them, “Yea but the road is continuous. It does not go into a swamp named one name and come out on the other side of the swamp six miles south named another name”.

I wonder how these Naming People would like it if some bureaucratic entity changed their name every time they had a birthday and/or changed jobs and/or got a new tattoo.

My fondest wish is to be approached one day by a person looking confused who says, “Hi. How are you doing today? I am the person who is employed by the Atlanta Metropolitan Area to change the names of roads for no apparent reason. Could you possible help me? I am lost”.

Would I kid u?