No Trash On The Streets Of The Good Ole USofA

With all the people that have been given Community Service Sentences in recent years, there should not be any trash on the streets of the Good Ole USofA.

I just read where a woman was given 240 hours of Community Service for cutting off Rottweiler’s tails without the State’s or the Rottweilers’ permission.

Every few days we hear about some Celebrity being given a Community Service Sentence. I have never seen a single Celebrity on TV performing their Community Service.

You know darn well that photographers would be following them around while they were out & about serving their fellow man, if they were out there serving their fellow man. Lord knows they follow them whenever they do everything else...

Ø Jennifer & Chuck going out for a burger & fries.

Ø Cue Tip getting his hair cut.

Ø Sean getting divorced again.

Ø Holly getting married again.

Ø Shirley sunbathing when she was fat & sunbathing after she was no longer fat.

Ø Austin driving his sports car.

Ø Sean divorced again.

Ø Holly getting married again.

Does anyone keep track of all these Community Service Sentences? How do we know that they performed all or any of their sentences?

I have noticed many judges in court winking as they handed down these Community Service Sentences. Up until now I thought all these judges had nervous twitches but I have seen the light.

The Fella now believes that all these sentences are being handed out simply to make us feel that something is being done when actually nothing is being done.  

On the other hand, if you stop & think about it, why should they have to abide by their Community Service Sentences? They are important & we’re not.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

My Visit To My Local County Park

Considering That Our Local, State & Federal Governments Write About 700 New Laws Every Week (My Wild Guess But Probably On The Low Side) You would Think They Would Be Better At Coming Up With Laws That Would Not Be So Full Of Loop Holes

I’ve been Heavy Duty Walking for several months now. I am using Nordic Sticks when I walk (pushing with walking sticks that look like ski poles). The sticks dramatically increase calorie burn & exercise of my upper body. I have never seen anyone else in my park with these sticks. Some of the people I pass ask me if I am sick (Multiple Sclerosis) & the rest think I am crazy. 

 

Wow! This Blog Posting has started off with a major digression! Allow me to get back to Sloppy Law Writing which is the reason for this bit of foolishness....

 

First Example... Handicapped Door Opening Buttons

There is a law that says that all rest rooms in my local county park should have a button installed next to the door for handicapped resters to use when trying to exit the restrooms…

 

The left picture is the door & the door opening button with the door closed. The right picture is the door opening button being pushed but the door staying closed. This button has not worked in any of the park’s 3 public restrooms for the 12 years I have been visiting this park.

 

Here is the addendum that should have been added by the sloppy law writers... “The button should open the door when it is pushed”.

 

Second Example... Scummy Dangerous Fenced Pond

During my park walks I pass right by a pond. It has a fence around it to prevent our park children from wandering into the Scummy Dangerous Fenced Pond.

 

County law says that there ought to be a fence around the pond & there must be a Lock & Chain on the gate into the dangerous pond…

 

This law also is not specific enough. As you can see county workers have placed a strong lock & chain on the gate to the dangerous pond but the lock & chain are not locked. They are just hanging there.

 

Here is the addendum that should have been added by the sloppy law writers... “Once the Strong Chain & Padlock Have Been Placed on the Gate to the Dangerous Pond, the Padlock & Chain Should Be Used to Lock the Gate In Order To Keep Our Park Children from Drowning in the Dangerous Pond”.

 

Last Example... Doggie Poop Control

It is a well known fact that people in the Good Ole USofA do not like Dog Poop. In an effort to make it convenient for Dog Owners to pick up their doggie’s poop after their pooping doggie has pooped, our county has made it easy for Poop Picker Uppers to pick up their cute little dog’s poop by passing a law that Plastic Bag Dispensers be placed in our county parks.

 

Here is the addendum that should have been added by the sloppy law writers... “County Workers Are to See to it that Plastic Bags Are Placed in the Plastic Bag Dispensers Whenever All Plastic Bags Have Been Dispensed”.              

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Poopy Lagniappe #1...

 

Poopy Lagniappe #2... One time when I was living in California, I saw an Asian Lady on her knees in the gutter holding a small red plastic shovel at the Poop Ejection Point of her Cute Little Doggie which was pooping on the grass above the gutter.

 

Poopy Lagniappe #3... Picture this in your mind’s eye. What if a creature from outer space had just arrived over the Earth & was hovering above a Doggie Owner while he picked up the poop of his Cute Little Doggie. Which would the space creature think was the Superior Being, the Cute Little Doggie or the Cute Little Doggie Owner?

A Sign Of The Times

I recently blogged about the Good Ole USofA’s obsession in with Lists.

One of the most often published Lists is the Ten Richest People in the United States...

Based on What I Am Seeing More & More Of Each & Every Day, How Long Will It Be Before 7 Of The 10 Richest People Will Be Tattoo Artists?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe #1: In the first paragraph I almost typed, “Ten Richest Men in the United States”. What do you wanna bet that, if I had done that, I would have received more than a few Death Threats?

Lagniappe #2: If you wanna read my Lists Blog Posting again, click here: http://forii.blogspot.com/2015/05/a-listing-of-lists.html

Am I Smarter Than Policemen Too?

My newspaper tells me that a person has been arrested in Los Angeles for robbing 5 banks between March & July of this year.

The police are perplexed about why he robbed the banks. The newspaper article says, “No motive for the crime is spelled out in the complaint”.

I could use some extra money. I should print up some business cards & set up a blog offering myself as a Professional Confusion Remover to police departments all across the Fruited Plain.

I could start with this case which is baffling the Los Angeles Police Department. It would not take long. I would walk into the midst of the confusion & say, “The reason he took the money is he wanted the money. Pay me my stipulated exorbitant Confusion Removal Fee & I’ll be on my way. There a lot of confusion out there & I have work to do in other locales”.

I would be like a Super Hero. Maybe I’ll start wearing a cape. I’ll skip wearing a mask because I enjoy having the world know who I am...Or do they?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

The Demise Of The Whitman Sampler Is Costing Us Dearly

This is what used to happen when someone sought forgiveness...

• The Feeling So Badly Person would go to the corner drug store & buy a box of Whitman Sampler Chocolate Candies & bring it to the person from whom they wanted forgiveness.
• They would approach the person whom they wanted forgiveness from & hand them the Whitman Sampler Chocolate Candies & express their sorrow for having given offense.
• The offended person would accept the candy & smile & say, “Oh, you did not have to do that. It was nothing”.

For a moment the Forgiveness Seeking Person would think to himself, “Darn! I spent $1.75 & it was nothing!”

This $1.75 thought would be fleeting & both parties would shake hands (Now we hug because that’s what we do today, we hug on every possible occasion) & all would be forgiven.

------------------------

Fast forward to today...

Last week the Chattanooga Coo Coo decided he was going to go out & shoot as many people as he could. In today’s paper we get this explanation from his family...

“Members of Mohammod Youssuf Abdulazeez's family believe deep depression and shame over a drunken driving charge may have led him to go on a rampage in which five U.S. servicemen died last week, a source close to the family said on Tuesday.

Substance abuse combined with long-standing psychological issues appears to have stirred up intense religious guilt, driving Abdulazeez to find forgiveness in a violent outburst, they believe.”

There you have it is a proverbial nutshell. He needed forgiveness. In the old days he would have gone & bought a box of chocolates but in the new days he goes out & kills people.

Some say the craziness in the world today is a pendulum & it is going to swing back but the Smartfella has great fear that someone has Super Glued that ole pendulum in place.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: I personally think we hug too much but Jana Christy does not agree with me...

“Hugs can be tricky! But you can learn how to hug. Never hug anyone too tight—ouch! And don’t hug too many people at once—uh-oh! You can be a leg hugger or a bear hugger or a surprise hugger. If you don’t want a hug, it’s okay to say so. But if you learn how to give a hug and do it just right, you might get one back...so be ready! Jana Christy’s digital illustrations provide a charming twist to something everyone loves to do.”

http://www.amazon.com/How-Hug-Maryann-Macdonald/dp/0761458042?tag=duckduckgo-ffab-20

Where Has Our Ability To Discuss Issues Gone?

If one of us dares bring up a Sensitive Issue, the other of us immediately begins to take offense. The problem is how Modern Us defines a Sensitive Issue. A Sensitive Issue is any issue where our opinion is different from the Other Guy’s Opinion of that Same Issue.

When it comes to Solar Power the Other Guy is stupid. There does not seem to be any possibility of one side of the argument thinking that the other side of the argument is not Stupid, Unthinking, Devious & a Bunch of Other Unkind Adjectives.

Is it possible to have a meeting of minds? Probably not but I’m going to give it a try anyway. Wish me luck...

Above is the 2.2 Billion Dollar Ivanpah Solar-Thermal Plant in California which uses thousands of mirrors to reflect sunlight and generate steam.

There have been a series of missteps and technical difficulties that threaten to make this newfangled solar-thermal technology obsolete.

Here are facts that the Pro-Solar Side do not want to come to grips with...

Ø Solar Power has a long way to go before it will be able to fulfill the predictions/dreams of those who support it.

Ø Some costly high-tech solar power projects aren’t living up to promises their backers made about how much electricity they could generate.

Ø The Ivanpah Plant was supposed to generate more than a million megawatt-hours of electricity each year but, 15 months after it started up, it is producing just 40% of that prediction.

Ø Replacing broken equipment and learning better ways to operate the complex assortment of machinery has stalled attempts to reach full potential.

Ø Engineers have had to fix leaky tubes connected to water boilers and contend with a vibrating steam turbine that threatened nearby equipment.

Ø The power plant requires far more steam to run smoothly and efficiently than originally thought. Instead of ramping up the plant each day before sunrise by burning one hour’s worth of natural gas to generate steam, the plant needs more than four times that much help from fossil fuels to get the plant humming every morning.

Ø Another unexpected problem: not enough sun. Weather predictions for the area underestimated the amount of cloud cover that has blanketed the area since it went into service in 2013.

Plant operators say their plants will reach power targets once the kinks are worked out.

The short paragraph above makes my point for me. Below is what I think the argument of the Fossil Fuel Proponents ought to be (I’m a True Conservationist because I only use one bullet)...

Ø Until such time as Solar Power can replace Fossil Fuel Production, can we halt attempts to shut down Fossil Fuel Production?

My crazy argument is simply that. If we were to shut down all Fossil Fuel Production immediately, as some propose, it would be impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel (or even crank up the Ivanpah Solar-Thermal Plant each morning).

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: A couple of other points to consider...

Ø The plant was delayed several months and had millions of dollars in cost overruns because of wildlife protections for the endangered Desert Tortoise.

Ø Once built, U.S. government biologists found the plant’s superheated mirrors were killing birds. It is estimated that 3,500 birds died at the plant in the span of a year, many of them burned alive while flying through a part of the solar installment where air temperatures can reach 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit.

Yea, I know my bringing up these 2 Lagniappe Bullets makes me Stupid, Unthinking, Devious & a Bunch of Other Unkind Adjectives. It seems like we are back to where this Blog Posting started, does it not?

Denying The Obvious Is Obvious

The arithmetic is simple. It is beyond the Fella’s well developed powers of understanding to understand how so very few of us see the impending disaster that is in front of us.

Did I hear you just say to yourself, “I wonder where the Fella is as he pecks out this Posting?” (It is amazing how I can hear what my Dear Readers are saying to themselves.)

 

I am in the Wilderness Crying. I am getting used to being a Voice Crying in the Wilderness. It is very lonely out here.

 

Here is the simple arithmetic referred to above simply stated...

Ø A person has a fixed income of $100.

Ø It has been fixed at $100 for many years.

Ø There are no prospects of this income increasing.

Ø This person has fixed expenses of $150.

Ø These expenses have been rising for many years.

Ø There are no prospects of these expenses decreasing because our person has no intention of decreasing his expenses.

 

The person goes to his local bank & asks to borrow $10,000. His banker asks him questions...

Ø Question: Are you going to be getting an increase in income in the future?

Ø Answer: No way possible.

Ø Question: Are you going to be able to reduce your expenses?

Ø Answer: I have no intention of reducing my expenses.

 

The banker says: “That’s excellent! Here is your $10,000”.

 

This scenario is repeated many times with the same result...The loan is always approved & the amount loaned gets bigger each time.

This does not make sense!

If you would like to understand how this makes sense, contact the people running (the percent figure is the Annual Budget Shortfall at end of 2012)...

Ø Camden, NJ 20.2%

Ø Honolulu, HI 5.1%

Ø Washington, DC 3.4%

Ø New York, NY 7.0%

Ø Cincinnati, OH 20.0%

Ø San Francisco, CA 5.5%

Ø Los Angeles, CA 6.6%

Ø Baltimore, MD 15.0%

Ø Detroit, MI 5.0%

Ø Chicago, IL 7.7%

I know they can explain it to you.

Would they kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: Oops! How could I forget? Be sure to also contact the people running the Good Ole USofA.

You Won’t Believe How Old This Blog Posting Is But, Even Though It Has Been A Long Time Since I first Pecked It Out, Nothing Has Changed

I started pecking out this Foolishness...Or Is It? about this time in the year 2007. I put it into my “New in Process” folder (that’s where I put blog ideas I am working on) & proceeded to forget about it.

Time marched on but it is as valid today as the day I forgot about it.

 

Nothing has changed. Actually a few Members of Congress have been voted out of office but the sad truth is A Few Ain’t Many. To be more precise, A Few Ain’t Enough.

------------------------

Here is my blog about what Congress was doing in 2007...

 

The Congress is wasting its (our) time. They appear to believe that they can pass an Amendment, a Law, express a Sense of the Congress, hold someone in Contempt of Them & something out in the real world is affected by what they do.

 

Today (July 17, 2007) our Senate passed the amendment shown below by a vote of 94 to 3. It looks like only 3 Senators saw this amendment the same as the Smartfella saw it... A Colossal Waste of Time.

 

Senate Amendment 2100

Sponsor: Sen Cornyn, John [TX] (R) (submitted 7/11/2007) (proposed 7/12/2007)

AMENDMENT PURPOSE:
To express the sense of the Senate that it is in the national security interest of the United States that Iraq not become a failed state and a safe haven for terrorists.

 

No matter what they do from now on about Iraq (ie: they could vote to stop giving our military in Iraq bullets to defend themselves) 94 of them could say to their constituents, "I voted that Iraq not become a failed state and a safe haven for terrorists. The fact that it became a failed state & a safe haven for terrorists is not my fault because I voted against it."

------------------------

Since they seem intent on going about passing useless amendments, they should do something about all the mosquitoes that keep biting the Folks Back Home (that’s us). Here is what I propose that they should have proposed:

 

To express the sense of the Senate that it firmly believes it is in the national security interest of the United States that something need to be done about all the mosquitoes in the Good Ole USofA biting the folks back home. Since we also have lots of flies, the Senate hereby directs our flies to start eating our mosquitoes.

 

Did I just hear you say to your collective selves, “That’s silly”? Well the Fella has this to say about that... This Flies Eating Mosquitoes Amendment Makes As Much Sense As Senate Amendment 2100.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Would George Washington Be Ashamed Of Himself?

We see it happen over & over. Dudley Do-Rightgets elected to Congress. He is a Straight Shooting Extremely Honest Person. He sets about doing Straight Shooting Extremely Honest Things. He & we are proud about how Straight Shooting Extremely Honest he is.

His Straight Shooting Extremely Honest Virtues are noticed by old time members of Congress who were once Straight Shooting Extremely Honest People. They have taken notice of him because they are getting wet by the waves he is generating & their once nicely laid out feathers have become ruffled.

An old timer is assigned to Dudley in order to Straighten Out the Straight Shooter. The Old Timer invites Dudley into the Cloak Room & says to him, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

From that point on, it is just a matter of time. Little by little our Straight Shooting Extremely Honest Dudley is changed into Extremely Dastardly Dudley. 

What does all of this have to do with George Washington? Obviously this transformation would never have happened to the Father of Our Country who never told a lie.

Going along to get along is a Powerful Driving Force in our 9% Approval Rated Congress but Ole George’s Honesty would have remained intact... Or would it have?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

The Age Of Enya

Mankind has passed through many Ages. We have had The Ice Age, The Stone Age, The Bronze Age, The Iron Age, The Dark Ages, The Middle Ages, Rock of Ages, Age of Enlightenment (too bad this one got away from us), The Atomic Age, etc.

The daily news is sometimes usually always depressing but I am fighting back. I have officially entered The Age of Enya. From now on, as I drive along in my car, I am not listening to the daily news but will be listening to Enya CDs.

 

I am determined to stop listening to my radio shout at me about all that is wrong, is going wrong &, most depressing of all, all of these wrong things are things that I can’t do anything about except worry about all these wrong things that I can’t do anything about.

------------------------

If you are saying to yourself “Who or what is an Enya?”, I feel sorry that you have gotten this far in your life not knowing who Enya is.

 

Enya is a musical person (she is more than a mere singer) who comes to our ears from Ireland.

 

It is an awesome experience driving (floating) down a highway listening to Enya... http://www.enya.com/

 

If you go to the site I just gave you, you will find a link entitled “Lyrics”. DO NOT CLICK ON IT! I have listened to Enya for many years & I do not understand the words & I do not want to understand the words. Enya is the sounds she emits, not the words. If I every understood the words, it might spoil it all for me...Or would it?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Do you hate someone who is always right? If so, you hate the Smartfella. I can’t help it. There actually was an occasion where I made a mistake. I had come to the conclusion that I had made a mistake but, as it turned out, I had not made a mistake. My mistake was thinking I had made a mistake.

Boy, am I glad that first paragraph is done with because I was getting confused.

 

Back on 2/19/13 I published a Blog Posting (lagniappe link below) that almost dared to say I was feeling sorry for BP because they had become the Federal Government’s Gift That Keeps on Giving.

 

Another “Final” (there’s that word again) Agreement has been reached for BP to pay another $18,700,000,000. Quoting ABC News...

“Trying to close the books on the worst offshore oil spill in U.S. history, BP agreed Thursday to provide billions of dollars in new money to five Gulf Coast states in a deal the company said would bring its full obligations to an estimated $53.8 billion.”

 

Do you see the ominous word for BP? It’s “trying”. Trying means it is not Final (there’s that word again).

 

While we all know that ABC never gives us bad information, the Fella often quotes more than one source to prove his point. My local newspaper tells me...

“BP will pay up to $18.7 billion in penalties to the U.S. government and five states to resolve nearly all claims from its deadly Gulf of Mexico oil spill five years ago in the largest corporate settlement in U.S. history.”

 

Do you see the ominous words for BP? It’s “nearly all”. Nearly All means it is not Final (there’s that word again).

 

I’d be willing to bet you dollars to donuts that, when they saw the Omnious Words above, umpteen lawyers throughout The Fruited Plain texted each other from their Palatial BP Mansions... “Yahoo! The Ominous Words are in there!”

 

Hey, BP, count your bleesings! The Exxon Valdez ran aground on March 24, 1989 & their Litigation Headaches show no signs of coming to an end. At least you are flirting with Finality.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: The link to my prior blog posting about BP... http://forii.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-mother-of-all-revenue-enhancements.html

 

Lagniappe #2: If you are a long time reader of my Foolishness, you knew this was coming... $53.8B is not as small as $53.8B looks like it is. This is 53.8 Thousand Million Dollars & a Million is a Thousand Thousands. That’s a lot of Palatial Mansions.

This May Be My Shortest Blog Posting Yet

I must have been watching the wrong TV Channels because I recently saw a newspaper describe the Baltimore Riots as, "a week of mostly peaceful protests".

That’s like saying that the Terrorists that shot up that beach in Tunisia yesterday were really Peace Loving because they only killed 38 people when they could have killed a lot more if they had really tried.

Would I kid u?

Smarfella

Lagniappe: You like to travel? Here’s a bunch of tempting deals for you... http://www.tripadvisor.com/SmartDeals-g293753-Tunisia-Hotel-Deals.html

I’ve Talked About Our Sliding Down The Slippery Slope Before But It’s Gotten Worse

Did I just hear you say, “How much worse is it?”...

My Dear Readers, we appear to be Spinning Out of Control as we Slide Down the Slippery Slope.

First Example...

The Federal Government’s H-2A program allows U.S. employers to bring foreign nationals into the United States to fill temporary agricultural jobs. A U.S. employer must file a Form I-129 Petition for Nonimmigrant Worker, on a prospective worker’s behalf. This filing requires a $325 Filing Fee per worker.

However, starting on June 9, a computer failure has prevented the U.S. from issuing thousands of temporary and immigrant visas, leaving more than 1,000 agricultural workers stranded at the border just as the summer harvest gets under way.

The workers are overdue to start harvesting berries and other crops on U.S. farms. It is estimated that California agriculture, already stressed by drought, is losing $500,000 to $1 million for each day of delay.

It’s the old Damned If You Do & Damned If You Don’t issue...

Ø If the farmers try & abide by the law & use the H-2A Program, the Federal Government cannot give them the workers they need.

Ø If they turn to using Illegal Workers, the Federal Government fines & penalizes them.

I would be willing to bet dollars to donuts that the part of the Federal Government’s computer program that collects the $325 Filing Fee is humming along like a well oiled machine.

Second Example...

Someone (China?) has hacked into our Federal Government’s Office of Personnel Management (OPM) data base & the Hackers (aka: Bad Guys) now have a humongous amount of personal information about every federal employee.

A former Federal Employee was quoted as saying, “I can’t think about the national security implications of a foreign government knowing every single federal employee, where they work, where they live, all of their significant data. Think about what that information can do in the hands of people who want to do us harm.”

I used the quote from a former Federal Employee because current Federal Employees operate under the Modus Operandi that if they down play & deny really bad news it will never become really bad news.

The Associated Press reported “two people briefed on the investigation disclosed Friday that as many as 14 million current and former civilian U.S. Government employee have had their information exposed to hackers, a far higher figure than the 4 million the Administration initially disclosed.”

Under a worst-case scenario outlined by Theweek.com, the information obtained by hackers could be used to derail trains (although they seem to be derailing just fine all by themselves without outside help), disrupt air traffic control systems, explode chemical plants and gas pipelines and compromise electric grids, causing large-scale blackouts across the country. Who needs missiles when a laptop and the right software can be just as effective?

While the U.S. Government should have seen this coming, clearly it was unprepared for such an invasion of privacy.

My Dear Readers, the above short paragraph is a Smoking Gun...

If we were able to see it coming, why were we unprepared?

Because so many in Congress read my Blog Postings, I have long had a Federal Monitor assigned to look over my shoulder as I peck out what I peck out. His name is Felix. He just told me to tell you that everything will be alright.

Would Felix kid u?

Smartfella

(567)

I No Longer Understand Words

How many times has the Deadline for signing a Nuclear Agreement with Iran been passed by as if the Deadline did not exist?

I have tried to find out how many Deadlines have been ignored up until this point so I could impress you with how well I can research my facts before I publish my Foolishness but I have failed. I’ll just have to wing it.

Suffice it to say (now there is awkward phraseology) there have been several Deadlines that have been brushed aside as if they were a swinging door standing along the path of our headlong pursuit of the next Deadline.

Boy, am I glad I got past that complicated introduction to the real reason for this Foolishness...Or Is It?. Remembering the Subject of this posting I will now address why, I No Longer Understand Words.

One of the words I no longer understand is “Final”. The next “Final” deadline for our Nuclear Agreement with Iran is June 30.

We are now being told that there is a distinct possibility that negotiations will continue after the “Final” Agreement has been finally agreed to & finally signed.

Does this make any sense?

Would I kid u?

OK I will kid u...

What’s next? Will we see the Final buzzer go off at the end of the Final game of the NBA Championship &, after the players wearing the NBA World Championship Baseball Caps have been jumping around for 5 minutes, will we hear the PA System come to life with the following shocking announcement...

All of you down there please stop jumping around. The Maintenance Crew is hereby instructed to sweep up all that confetti. The Balloon Popping Crew please start popping all those balloons. We have decided that the Final Score is not the Final Score & we will play on until we have a new Final Score.

OK, I admit that the above PS System Announcement is complete silliness & such a thing will never happen...Or will it never?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(340)

Lord Knows I Try To Be Politically Correct But Sometimes It Is Really Hard

I looked up the word “Mister” in my dictionary & here is what I found... “A conventional title of respect for a man, prefixed to the name and to certain official designations (usually written as the abbreviation Mr.)”.

To The Fella the Key Word in this definition is, “Respect”. In the world of politically correct the word “Mister” is alive & well but they have forgotten the “Respect” part.

A couple of days ago a young man shot & killed 9 people while they were praying & studying in their church. I will not go into further details about these murders because you know all about it.

What has caught my eye is the article in my newspaper this morning. The murderer was called “Mister” 17 times.

I think this calling awful people “Mister” is new to news reporting. We used to insert their Middle Names to make sure we were talking about the real evil person who had done real evil things & not your nice next door neighbor who regularly sends over samples of his cooking...

• Lee Harvey Oswald (Kennedy)

• John Wilkes Booth (Lincoln)

• Jared Lee Loughner (Giffords)

• John Wayne Gacy (A whole bunch of people)

• Mark Davis Chapman (Lennon)

• James Earl Ray (King)

Oftentimes (now there’s an old word), when they were running out of ink or space our newspapers would leave out their first two names & just call the evil person by their Last Name (Oswald, Booth, Loughner, Gacy, Chapman, Ray) but they certainly did not waste ink or space & call him “Mister”.

OK I’m going to throw caution to the wind & peck out how I really feel about this murderer. I think he is a worm.

As soon as I pecked out the word “worm” my computer’s Auto Correct popped up & directed me to call this worm, “Mr. Worm” & then went right ahead & told me I should also have said “Mr. Murderer”.

OK, I give up. I can see that I’m not going to win this battle either.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(365)

You Don't Just Put It In Your Mug...Now You Can Put It On Your Mug

On February 21st & 23rd of this year I published 2 Blog Postings that made light of the fact that...

What Used To Be Bad For Us Is Now Good For Us

2/21... http://forii.blogspot.com/2015/02/after-you-die-you-may-not-be-dead.html

2/23... http://forii.blogspot.com/2015/02/regarding-my-last-blog-here-is.html

One of the Used To Be Bad For Us Things was Coffee. Now we are not simply being told that it is OK to drink coffee but some "experts" are directing us to go out of our way to consume coffee & Drink 4 to 5 Cups a Day!

What was it that was bad for us when coffee was bad for us? It was Caffeine. We have done so much of an about face on Caffeine that it is now going where no ingredient has gone before.

Caffeinated Shave Cream…

Although they don’t expect the shaving cream to replace your morning cuppa, we now know that the body can absorb caffeine through skin and hair follicles.

Stan Ades a co-founder of the Caffeine Insertion Company has said, “The best part about caffeine in our products is its ability to act as an effective vasoconstrictor that helps reduce the appearance of redness”.

The company says their shaving cream utilizes the many benefits of naturally-derived caffeine to help liven up your morning shave routine. It will give you an exceptional shave, help reduce the appearance of redness, and keep your skin looking and feeling healthy all day. It may not replace your morning coffee, but it will give a little extra kick to your morning routine.

This Used To Be Bad For Us but is Now Good For Us Phenomena has me all excited. Bacon is the best example. If bacon is now good for us, can the Cannoli be far behind?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(308)

NYC Parking Spots...Always There When You Need Them

If you live in New York City & you want to always have a parking spot available to you, you need to become a cop on a TV Cop Show. In every episode when the cops arrive at the scene of the crime, there is a Pull Straight In Parking Spot waiting for them.

Although this is unrealistic, I’m glad they do find parking easy because otherwise we would have a whole bunch of very boring Cop Shows as we watched our heroes drive around the block over & over before they can spring into action.

These shows are not called Reality Shows because the truth is all parking spaces in NYC are always parked in. They are so precious that once a spot is found many people never move their cars again. That’s why the subway was invented. It’s New York’s version of Park & Ride.

Since no spots are available, people are forced to Double Park. To keep from getting a ticket for double parking, New Yorker’s hire full time Car Movers to come live with them. When they do go out & about, the Car Mover sits in the car &, when the meter maid approaches, they move the car around & around the block until the meter maid goes to get a donut.

Because they now have to provide Health Insurance to the Car Movers, many New Yorker’s are getting inventive. They have started disguising their double-parked cars as trees or bushes so the meter maids will not see them.

Yea, I know I got carried away with this one but is it any sillier than TV Cop Show Cops always pulling straight in?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(292)

Presidential Candidate Nothing

The Subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It? is a little bit more confusing than is need be. That's because I truncated it into its shortened version. The complete subject is, "Presidential Candidate Said Nothing".

Is that not better? What did you just say? Did I just hear you say that "Presidential Candidate Said Nothing" does not clarify anything? Please allow me to try again.

In the Good Ole USofA today we are taking offence at darn near everything you can or cannot imagine. I just read in my newspaper where Nike, Inc. is in trouble because they are again offering a discount to members of the Law Enforcement Community.

This promotion began after the 9/11/01 Terrorist Attack on the World Trade Center but it is now drawing complaints because the promotion is being called insensitive given tensions over recent deaths of black men at the hands of the police.

I bet that when Nike came up with this idea back in 2001 they never thought they would be attacked over a promotion like this. They saw it as a sure winner.

Back to "Presidential Candidate Said Nothing".

Because anything that a Presidential Candidate says can now be turned into Controversy, I am contending that in the future (the present?) a Candidate that had a Non-Campaign will stand the best chance of getting elected. Here is a how it might work...

• Go around the Good Ole USofA & wave as he/she descends the steps from his/her plane. (If you do or don’t mind I am going to cease & desist from putting in the “/she” & the “/her”. My fingers get tired pecking out my silliness & you must know by now that I am Politically Correct...Or do u?) After he waves & descends & can turn around & go back up the steps & fly to another community that is eagerly waiting to hear him not say anything.
• He can make a point of hugging & kissing babies at every opportunity. If his campaign managers are really sharp they would have several babies at the bottom of each set of airplane stairs. This is what’s calling Campaign Location Efficiency.
• If ever the candidate were to be forced to the point where he must answer a question, no matter what the question is, he should always give this answer...
  “That’s an excellent question. With regard to the substance of the issue you are raising I think it is essential that we consider the systematized reciprocal concept that this issue presents. Actually the optional incremental projection has a parallel in history when you consider that the compatible logistical time-phase is mitigated yet constrained by its integrated monitored capability.”
  The candidate’s minions would be stationed throughout the attentive throng shouting, “What an excellent answer!” or “That nails it!” or “What could be more precise & to the point!”

Considering how modern campaigns are so efficient, I have just seen a fly in my ointment. It’s the Babies. Can’t you just hear our Not Saying Anything Candidate’s Opponents Spin Machine issuing this statement?... “In all the history of campaigning across the Fruited Plain have you ever seen anything so heartless? Can you even imagine the anguish couples who cannot have babies of their own must feel as they see him kissing & holding & smiling? I am certain that the American Voter now sees him for what he is, a manipulative opportunist who does not feel the pain of his fellow Americans!”

Scratch The Babies!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

()

These People Need Our Help. Thank Heaven Help Is On The Way.

At the present time Armed Police Officers in Washington DC are being trained in how to use public toilets without leaving their guns behind.

A Washington, D.C. official was quoted as saying...

"I would be remiss if I did not say that the officers involved in these recent weapons cases reported in the media in no way intended to leave their weapons unattended."

To which America replied…

“No S**t, Sherlock”.

As a society are we on the verge of getting too deep into minutia? What's next on the Silliness Horizon?...

• Teachers are being trained in Palooka, Illinois as to how to hold their pointers properly to make sure that the pointer itself is pointed at the specific information about which they are talking.
• Automobile drivers in Winnetta, Maine are being required to attend a 4 hour seminar to impress upon them the importance of looking in their rear-view mirrors before they put their cars in reverse. There have been 3 serious injuries to Used Car Dealers in Winnetta who have been run over living up to their sales commitment to stand behind every car they sell.
• Students in Albeania, Nevada are now being given intensive training in order to show them how to properly hold their Computer Mice. Several students have been driven to tears because of the frustration because they were holding their mice backwards.

These 3 examples are representative of problem issues that an uncaring public might heartlessly shout, "Hey there, Fella, watch what you’re doing".

Thank heaven we are not uncaring in the Good Ole USofA.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(297)

Lagniappe: Just in case you think I made up the Weapons Left Behind Silliness, click here: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-32832466

Coming To The Defense Of TSA

I am not one to shirk from taking controversial positions. It’s what I do. This time I am defending our much maligned Transportation Security Authority. Someone’s got to do it & I am ready to stand up for them.

The TSA is all over the nightly news & talk radio because of their failure to detect many attempts to test their procedures to see if their procedures are proceeding correctly... http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/01/politics/tsa-failed-undercover-airport-screening-tests/index.html

First of all I think their attackers are being too picky. It has been reported that TSA failed 67 out of 70 security probes. I am ready to look on the bright side. They did detect 3 security probes, did they not?

I could stop right here with my defense of the TSA & feel that I have put their detractors in their proper place but am now going to move on to my most irrefutable argument. The TSA’s Mission Statement is...

Put In Place The Procedures Necessary To Detect & Thwart Any & All Attempts By Bad People Trying To Do Bad Things To Our Airplanes

Don’t you see it? Don’t you see where they are being unfairly attacked? You do not? My dear readers, again you disappoint me...

These are not Bad People Trying To Do Bad Things these are Good People Trying To Do Bad Things

There I have said it. I have said what needs to be said. I don’t see how anyone could argue with my logic but I know there are some out there that will attack me for saying the truth. I stand ready to adsorb their blows. It’s what I do.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(282)