Sometimes I Am Proud As Can Be About What I Do Not Know

According to Apple, in 2013 Candy Crush Saga was the smash hit game that millions played on subways, while waiting at the bank or while hanging around the house and it was the No. 1 most downloaded free app for the iPhone.

The game itself has over 500 million downloads and has been played over 150 billion times.

Those numbers are staggering. I’ll repeat them for the scan readers out there... Over 500 million downloads! (That’s 500 thousand thousand times!) & Played over 150 billion times! (That’s 150 thousand million times!).

In my not so humble opinion such endeavors are a staggering waste of time.

What's wrong with us?...

• Who is going to find the cure for cancer?
• Who is going to go to Mars?
• Who is going to write the next Great American Novel Kindle Book?
• Who is going to leap buildings in a single bound?

I guess I better start practicing my leaping because I appear to be one of the few not playing Candy Crush Saga.

What have you been doing with yourself? On second thought, you don’t need to tell me. I can see from here that you have sticky fingers.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(218)

Preemptive Disarray

Headline on an article in my newspaper today...

Syrian Talks In Disarray Before They Begin

I guess this is what comes about when you have the delegates shouting at each other outside the meeting place... “Do you think I will ever forget what your ancestors did to my ancestors in the year 1245?”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(61)

TBTJ

A lot of famous and/or influential people are sitting around their big houses doing absolutely nothing and they need help.
They could leave their big houses but they can’t leave their big houses because they are part of our Judicial System’s Too Big to Jail (TBTJ) Incarceration Program.
Our court system is sending a whole mess of our fellow citizens back to their big homes under House Arrest.
These people need someone to go to the Grocery Store for them. The need someone to go get Chinese Food or Pizzas for them. They need people to walk their Little White Dogs. They need people to bring in their Newspapers from their massive front lawns. They need Escort Service People to be brought in to escort them around their big houses.
The bottom line is they need the Judicial System necessitated equivalent of Visiting Angels.
Heck, the potential economic stimulus from these much needed businesses springing up all over the Good Ole USofA could turn around this economy all by itself.
We have been trained to know that Big Box, Big Oil, Big Banks, Big Data and their ilk are bad. In this case the Big Wigs and satisfying their Big Needs may yet save us all.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: Big Noodle
(214)

This Is Not An Attack Upon Our Undocumented Citizens

Undocumented Aliens or is it? Undocumented Immigrants or is it? Undocumented Workers or is it? Undocumented Voters or is it? Undocumented Citizens are in the news enough without my piling on. So I will not use my Silly Pulpit to add pile onto the pile.

What I do wish to do is direct this blog posting’s mind bending analysis at a cautionary tale about common sense or the lack thereof in the Good Ole USofA.

Here is a recent headline in my newspaper...

California Allowing Undocumented Immigrants to Practice Law

California Chief Justice Tani Cantil-Sakauye wrote that current immigration policy makes it extremely unlikely that a law abiding individual such as Garcia (the undocumented individual) would be deported.

Under these circumstances, we conclude that the fact that an undocumented immigrant’s presence in this country violates federal statutes is not itself a sufficient or persuasive basis for denying undocumented immigrants, as a class, admission to the State Bar.

I don’t want to be a Quibbler but did you take note of Her Honorable’s Words where she says that the law abiding individual (first paragraph) is violating federal law (second paragraph)? And I’m the one who has the reputation for being silly. Go figure.

Allow me to carry such “thinking” on to its Logical Foolish Conclusion...

• Vandals broke a bunch of windows in an office building and the court ruled that it was not really a crime because the building had a lot of other windows.
• Running a stop sign is not a crime because, even if the driver had looked for oncoming cars, there were, in fact, no oncoming cars.
• Man had 2 wives but the court ruled in his favor because the wives lived in 2 different states that were geographically distant from each other and there was little to no possibility that the 2 wives would run across each other while shopping at the grocery store.

OK I’m done with the silly... Or am I?

One thing is certain. This Undocumented Immigrant Lawyer will certainly be immune from any action against him for Legal Malpractice. If anyone tries to bring any such action against him, he will get away unscathed by simply telling the court, “You can’t bring any Legal Malpractice Action against me because I’m not even a citizen of this country. Have a nice day.”

Case dismissed.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(408)

Alger & Jerry

Many of you may not remember who Alger Hiss was. All of you know who Jerry Sandusky is. The two of them have something very much in common. Have I aroused your curiosity? I sure hope so.

Alger Hiss was convicted of being a Soviet Spy. The prior sentence is not true. He was convicted and sent to jail but he was convicted of Perjury.

Here I go again getting all hot and bothered about our Judicial System...

The record of negligence was almost too flagrant to believe. A guy named Whittaker Chambers first made his charges about Hiss in 1939 and he repeated them to government officials several times thereafter. Yet as far as the public record is concerned, the only action taken on his charges until the House Committee on Un-American Activities started its investigation in 1948, was to promote each of the individuals Chambers had named to higher positions of power and influence within the government.

The most damning proof of negligence on the part of the Executive Branch was that Hiss himself had to be indicted and convicted not for espionage, the crime of which he was originally guilty, but for perjury—for lying when he denied committing espionage. The statute of limitations, requiring prosecution for espionage within three years after the crime had been committed, had already long expired.

He was sent to jail for a total of 10 years but served less than 4 years.

Alger had been disbarred but was reinstated to the bar years later. This is what was written about his reinstatement when he was undisbarred ...

On August 5, 1975, Hiss was readmitted to the Massachusetts Bar. The state's Supreme Judicial Court overruled its Committee of Bar Overseers and stated in a unanimous decision that, despite his conviction, Hiss had demonstrated the "moral and intellectual fitness" required to be an attorney. Hiss was the first lawyer ever readmitted to the Massachusetts bar after a major criminal conviction.

Don’t you just love (hate) the part where it says that, even though he had been convicted of a Major Criminal Offense, he demonstrated the “moral and intellectual fitness" required to be an attorney.

------------------------

As a young congressman Richard Nixon was doggedly instrumental in getting Hiss convicted. He withstood tremendous pressure because Hiss had been around a long time and had a lot of friends. One on his biggest supporters was Harry S. Truman.

In a sad and funny note, it was reported that a politically well connected lady from the state of New York said, when asked if she voted for Nixon years later when he ran for something or other, that she would not ever vote for him because Nixon was all mixed up with Alger Hiss in that Spying Scandal.

-------------------------

After Hiss got out of jail, he applied for and received his government pension for his years of service in government...

Provided you, my dear reader, have been paying attention (and you always do, don’t you), you are saying to yourself about now, “What does all this Alger Hiss stuff have to do with Jerry Sandusky?”

I will not spend as much time on Jerry as I did on Alger but I will do a quick refresher...

• Jerry was convicted of 45 counts of Child Sexual Abuse.
• In other areas I read where his crimes were referred to as Involuntary Deviate Sexual Intercourse and Indecent Assault.
• He was sentenced to 30 to 60 years in prison.

What Alger and Jerry have in common is that Jerry is applying for reinstatement of his $4,900 a month Pension from Penn State.

Too bad Alger died in 1996. If Alger were still around Jerry could use his expertise in pension reclamation and Alger could handle Jerry’s appeal case because Alger, as you remember, was a Lawyer in good standing.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(651)

Another Sure Fire Get Rich Quick Plan

Retroactive to last Thursday and continuing for two weeks, get someone to pay you $0.25 every time the word “Christie” was/will be Spoken on TV, Published in a News Article or Mentioned on the Internet.

You will be stinking rich at the end of these two weeks even if you subtract $1.00 for each time the most Recent Target Word at the center of the last News Hysteria to which we were subjected was Spoken, Published or Mentioned.

I would give you that Target Word to prove my point but I can’t remember the Hysteria or the Word. I would be willing to bet you can’t remember either.

Does that tell you something?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(126)

My Visit To A Big Box Hardware Store

Where Did That Guy Go?

The other day I walked into one of those big box hardware stores and, as usual, was greeted at the door by a smiling welcoming man wearing an apron. He was very nice. He said hello. He asked if there were any directions he could give me.

I declined his helpful offer and walked past him. After I got 5 to 6 steps past the helpful apron guy I remembered what I had come into his store for and realized that I did need his helpful directions. I turned around to seek his assistance and he was gone.

I thought this was strange and I actually began to feel as if I was in the Twilight Zone. I brushed this uneasy feeling away and moved on with my quest.

After a while I realized I was not getting anywhere and I started looking for a helpful guy with an apron on to assist me.

I went to the next aisle and, as I turned into the aisle, I saw at the end of the aisle a helpful guy turning out of my aisle at the end of my aisle.

This happened several times more before I got that Twilight Zone feeling again.

Every aisle I turned into I saw the apron guy turning out of that aisle at the end of that aisle. At this point I started to panic.

I began sprinting as fast as I could but when I got to the end of the aisle and made the turn into the next aisle I repeatedly found myself looking at the back of a turning helpful apron guy at the end of my aisle.

In a state of exhaustion I stumbled out of my Big Box Hardware Store feeling rather befuddled.

I decided to go to Mom & Pop’s Hardware Store to get what I needed but when I got to their store I found they gone out of business.

At this point I just sat in my car screaming a silent scream like Al Pacino did on the steps of that Big Box Church at the end of Godfather III and, in the midst of my silent scream, I heard Rod Serling laughing.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(385)

Please, Mr. Correct, Give Us A Break!

This guy Mr. Correct (as in Mr. Politically Correct) is running amuck. (I just love the word “amuck”. It is almost as neat as “ilk”.)

We (the collective us) are falling all over ourselves trying to keep Mr. Correct and all his adherents at arm’s length. We are apologizing for things we said, for things we did not say, for things we should have said and for things we might have said had we said them.

There you go thinking I am the one running amuck about Mr. Correct and his muckiness. Allow me to illustrate my point:

The Indian Attacks Are Back...

No, we do not have to circle the wagons. It’s not that kind of attack. We are back to being pilloried about the perceived disrespect of naming anything after anything Native American (formerly known as American Indian).

The hottest example at this time is the Washington Redskins Football Team (as if they did not have enough problems with the football). The hysteria is showing its absurdity by a court case brought against Hampton Farms Redskin Peanuts.

This case got all the way to the Supreme Court of the United States before the indignant clutch of lawyers doing the suing were quieted down long enough to explain to them that “redskins” in this case referred to the natural skin covering of the peanut that is revealed once the shell has been removed.

The delay in the hysteria was only temporary. The lawyers and the sign carriers quickly convened a Focus Group and they are now finalizing their plans to sue Mother Nature or God Himself.

People of this ilk (see I told you “ilk” was neat) like to go right to the top and are leaning toward suing God. The one thing holding them back is their concern that God might not exist. They see Mother Nature as more of a sure thing.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Happy New Year

I Would Not Want To Be This Guy

(I have been prodded to publish today by a dear reader who I have caused to have withdrawal pains because of my inactivity... “Starting to worry about you with no foolishness for so long but even Matthew, Mark, Luke & John took breaks”.)

The Federal Government has finally admitted that the Federal Government is not as Efficient as the Private Sector.

It is hard to believe that our rulers let this one slip. I wonder if the minion who actually wrote the words admitting this undeniable truth likes his new bleak musty windowless surroundings.

That sucker is now so far underground that, when the bad guys blow everything up, his treasured William Shakespeare Bobble Head Doll, which always sits on his desk, will not bob its little head in the slightest.

 

This is what was reported in the Wall Street Journal on Monday December 2, 2013...

• Health & Human Services had released an 8 page report claiming that it had met its promise to fix the HealthCare.gov Web Site by 11/30/13.
• There is a line in the report that boasted, “The team is operating with private sector velocity and effectiveness”.

There you have it! Our beloved Federal Government has finally admitted that the Private Sector is better than the Public Sector.

This awesome admission was followed by the chirping of crickets as no one noticed but the Smartfella and you... Or did you?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Giving North Korea Credit Where Credit Is Due

The little round leader of North Korea had an Uncle that was his closest confidant. “Had” is the operative word. Uncle was in good shape on December 8 but on December 9 he was dragged from his seat at a big meeting and 4 days later he was executed.

Don’t you see what I admire about North Korea? Do you not remember any of my diatribes about Justice Delayed Is Justice Denied?

There is no such thing as Delayed Justice in North Korea. There may be a question about Justice but, you must admit, there is no feet dragging in their courtrooms.

Those guys get right to the heart of the matter... They find some Irrefutable Evidence or Trump Up some Charges based on Flimsy Innuendos or Hearsay and it’s off with that offending head 4 days later!

This uncle guy was accused lots of things. Some of his transgressions included Womanizing, Drug Use, Gambling, Eating at Expensive Restaurants and Undergoing Medical Treatment in a Foreign Country. It’s that “Eating in Expensive Restaurants” that really cooked his goose.

In the Good Ole USofA we are more deliberate...

An accused dastardly fellow kills a whole bunch of people, with a whole bunch of people watching it happen live, while millions of other people watch it on television live, after writing a note and leaving it in the well of the U.S. Senate in a mayonnaise jar saying that he was going to kill a whole bunch of people with a whole bunch of people watching it live and intending to have millions more watching it live on television.

We take a little more than 4 days to clean up these matters. We spend 18 years trying and retrying and appealing and sentencing and staying only to decide that the accused suspected killer has suffered enough because we spent all of 18 years trying and retrying and appealing and sentencing and staying.

It is at this point that we come to the realization that both the Judicial System and the Once Dastardly Fellow can’t remember what the original crime was so we let him go on his own recognizance.

The following week the Once Dastardly Fellow and his team of lawyers sue the Judicial System of the Good Ole USofA for Delayed Justice.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

No S__t Sherlock

I did not make this up...

An official said after that student shot another student and then killed himself inside Arapahoe High School in Centennial, Colorado on December 13, 2013, “We believe, based on the fact that he was armed with multiple rounds, armed with a machete and armed with three incendiary devices, his intent was evil.”

I agree with that official’s official words.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Smartfella Has The Day Off ... This Posting Is Being Sent To You By Seriousfella

A friend sent me a link which he prefaced by saying something like...

You have probably seen this before but it is worth another look.

My first thought was...

Why do people send links they know we have seen before? Don’t they know we are covered up with emails, tweets, facebookings and threatening letters from our federal government telling us we did something we should not have done or we should have done something we did not do?

The link he sent was the one all of us have probably seen before about Bob Hope’s many Christmas Shows entertaining our troops all over the world. (The link is at the end of this blog posting.)

Here Comes The Serious Part...

It’s about the difference between Now & Back Then. The clip says Bob Hope used to walk into hospital wards full of gravely wounded military personal from all branches of our military and announce, “Don't get up”.

It was funny. The wounded laughed. Everyone laughed.

Today anyone who did this would be crucified by our beloved politically correct news media. That night on the nightly news Ole Bob would have been First Up with a lead in like, Shocking News Alert! or This Just In! or Breaking News!

As for me, Seriousfella thinks that Congress should not have let Bob Hope die because he stood up for our troops for decades.

We used to know how to laugh.

Would I kid u?

Seriousfella

Lagniappe: I hope someone sends me the opportunity to look at this clip every Christmas from now on...

http://biggeekdad.com/2011/02/bob-hope-christmas/

Good News: Budget Negotiators Are Making Progress … Bad News: Budget Negotiators Are Making Progress

My newspaper tells me that Patty Murray & Paul Ryan are “Moving Closer” to a Two-Year Budget Deal that would head off another Government Shutdown.

My newspaper was actually quivering with excitement as I read the article.

This is not good news in all circles of the Good Ole USofA. My sources have told me that it is devastating news to our National News Media. I have it on reliable sources that there is downright panic in the offices of every major news organization out there. Here are a few examples of the doom and gloom conversations taking place around the water coolers in Big Media Offices...

• What are we going to do for news?
• Do you realize how much angst we would be able to create if we were permitted to wreak the havoc we wreaked every time in the last 7 years that this type of deadline was approaching?
• The worst part is these two mental midgets are talking about coming to a Two Year Agreement. That means we will not be able to cause the folks back home to panic next year either! That’s unconscionable! That’s un-American! There ought to be a law about the laws this 9% approval rated congress is allowed to pass!
• I have been furiously writing End of the World and End of the Good Ole USofA articles at a feverish pitch and now these articles are going to be useless (actually he was taking the same such articles from the last panic and changing the publication dates).
• I had hopes that the timing of this coming budget showdown was going to be so strong that the folks back home would have completely ignored the Super Bowl. That truly would have been a feather in our cap! Can you just imagine the damage to the economy we would have generated if we could have caused the Super Bowl Stadium to be empty for the big game!

The Smartfella has this to say to our panic stricken news media...

Calm down. Remember that Murray and Ryan are members of a 9% approval rated congress. What are the chances that they will agree on anything constructive? It’s all going to be OK.

...Or is it?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(395)

Judge Houston, We Have An Eyewitness Who Saw The Whole Crime Being Committed From Start To Finish, But We Have A Problem

This scenario has not happened yet but it is only a matter of time before it will be reality. Because you have the good fortune of being an enlightened reader of Foolishness...Or Is It?, you are privy to the sad future that awaits us.
Please allow me to set the scene...

• We are in a court of law in the Good Ole USofA in the not too distant future.
• The trial in process involves a case of a very gruesome alleged murdered victim which has been capturing headlines for many months.
• The alleged murderer of the alleged murdered victim has been arrested and is standing trial before a jury of his peers.
• An eyewitness who saw the alleged murder of the alleged victim from his first floor bedroom window just 10 yards from where the alleged murderer is alleged to have done his alleged murdering has just been called to the stand and has been duly sworn in.

This is the point in the proceedings where strange things start happening. The eye witness is asked a series of questions. The eyewitness makes no attempt to answer any of the questions put to him. He is very attentive to the prosecuting attorney but remains completely unresponsive.
Judge Houston steps in and summons the two attorneys to the bench and explains to the prosecuting attorney the reality of modern societal evolution in present day Good Ole USofA...

Henry, you are wasting your time asking verbal questions of the witness. You witness does not talk. He only texts. He is not being obstinate. He really is a cooperative witness. He simply has forgotten how to communicate verbally.

Would I kid u?
Smartfella
(309)

The Obvious Way To Control Global Warming

This is such a logical fix for Global Warming, Global Climate Change or whatever it is being called today...

1. Recall all Thermometers.

2. Our Congress then should pass a law requiring all Thermometers sold in the future only go up to 92 degrees.

That ought to do it.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(62)

It Seems To Me That I have To Make Up Less & Less

The complete sentence represented by the above subject is...

Its Seems To Me That I Have To Make Up Less & Less Silliness In Order To Write About My Foolishness

I read recently where there is a whole bunch of legal maneuverings, protests and appeals of prior court rulings because the FDA has not yet conclusively ruled whether or not the new compounds used for Criminal Executions are safe to kill people.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(91)

Shouting At My Car’s Radio

Back in my youth (when I was swashbuckling) while I was in the U.S. Army’s Flight School and I was told...

Flying Is Hour Upon Hour of Sheer Boredom ... Punctuated Intermittently By Moments of Stark Terror

I never experienced the boredom part but can personally testify to the stark terror part.

Yesterday I drove 10 hours to get home from my 103 year old aunt’s funeral. Here is what I intermittently experienced during the drive...

Hour Upon Hour Of Sheer Boredom ... Punctuated Intermittently By Episodes of My Having To Shout At My Car’s Radio

In June 2007 I tried to fix a problem in our society but during my boring drive I found out that my fix did not fix anything.

Several times I found myself shouting at my radio because one of the best holidays we have in the Good Ole USofA was repeatedly referred to as Turkey Day by my radio.

Sometimes I think no one out there listening to me but that could not be... Or could it?

Please click here: http://forii.blogspot.com/2007/06/pet-peeves.html

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(188)

There Must Be A Better Word

A headline in my local newspaper today 11/22/13...

Dallas prepares for JFK Anniversary

I realize that, in the strictest sense of the word, “anniversary” fits...

“An anniversary is a day that commemorates or celebrates a past event that occurred on the same date of the year as the initial event.”

The Smartfella thinks (there I go again) that we ought to be able to find a better word. He does not see evil intent in calling JFK’s Assassination an Anniversary but Anniversary sounds more like a celebration than a commemoration.

I’m not celebrating today.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(106)

NOTE: Don’t blame me… BlogSpot (Google) is responsible for those ads at the bottom of my Foolishness.

George Washington Ain’t Worth Much

If you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question. That is why I’m not going to email every person in the Good Ole USofA to find out how many of them know who George Washington was. I don’t want to know the answer.

It is sad that my fellow Americans might not know who Ole George was. It is even sadder to contemplate how many of them might think he was related to George Brett or George Harrison or George Clooney or George of the Jungle.

Remember a few blog posting back when I told you about how Already Been Chewed Chewing Gum Chewed by Gene Simmons had been auctioned off for $246,602? It is now obvious that Ole George can’t hold a candle to Mr. Simmons.

Christie’s Auction House just offered a rare document signed by George Washington Proclaiming Thanksgiving a National Holiday and no bid was offered for this awesome piece of history.

As I said in the Subject above... George Washington Ain’t Worth Much.

On the other hand, if Curious George had chewed and spit out a piece of Thanksgiving Turkey Meat and Christie’s had offered it for auction, that once juicy morsel would have caused quite a bidding frenzy.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: If you want to again enjoy (I hope) what I had to say about Mr. Simmons and his Chewed Chewing Gum, click the link below:

http://forii.blogspot.com/2013/10/look-down-there-is-gold-down-there.html

(245)

It Would Be An Endangered Species, If It Were A Species

There was a time in the not too distant past where people took the time to Stare...

• After signing in to a doctor’s office we sat down with a Worried Stare.
• After signing into the DMV we sat down with an I’m Never Going to Get out Of Here Stare.
• As the passenger in an automotive vehicle we Stared at the Road. (Actually I wish drivers would return to staring at the road.)

How things have changed. With very few exceptions we no longer stare at anything. We now pull out an electronic device and we peck away in our own private World of Distraction.
If Staring were a species it would be on the verge of being placed on the Endangered Species List. Actually it will probably never make the list. It is going to go direct to the Extinct Species List in the not too distant future.

------------------------

There is a good kind of Staring that appears to be alive and well. Have you ever noticed how parents Stare at their babies? At some point the babies probably start thinking about why those people who are constantly staring at them are not pecking at their devices.

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As the economist said after giving sound economic advice about a sound economic course of action, “On the Other Hand”...
On the other hand, pecking at a device just might be a form of Staring. I came to this realization while I was in church recently.
Sister Mary Grinyon taught us that is was a Mortal Sin to not go to church on Sunday.
I certainly understand that Mortal Sins were placed on the Extinct List years ago but there were 3 children in the foyer of our church that would have been on the precipice of an Awful Mortal back in the old days.
I had occasion to be in the foyer of church for an extended period waiting for someone. Please understand that the foyer is a long way from what is going on in the church itself. The whole time I was back there these little “worshipers” in the picture below were curled up in three easy chairs staring at and pecking at their smart phones...

When their parents returned from their weekend trip to the mountains and asked if they had gone to church, their children would have looked them straight in their adoring eyes and said, “Yes we did”. Their parents would certainly be proud and content in the knowledge that their little darlings were growing into the strong Catholics that they had always hoped they would be.
Parents are easily fooled but Sister Mary Grinyon would have known the truth (she always did).
If these 3 “churchgoers” were all killed in the same car wreck, they better hope their lawyer was in that car with them. That way, when they got the Pearly Gates, he will be there in order to argue their case for immediate entrance and get them into heaven on a technicality...

Your Honor, it’s Peter, is it not?, my 3 clients were in church. If they were not there, they would not have been there but they were physically not present so they were technically there. Open up!

Would I kid u?
Smartfella
(556)